What do you think?
Rate this book
Defrocked: Good News from a Bad Pastor for a Better Church
Not yet published
Expected 7 Apr 26200 pages, Paperback
Expected publication April 7, 2026
1 person is currently reading
6 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 of 1 review
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Lillian Daniel has always been a gifted writer. She shows, in this book, some new and hard-won spiritual gifts as well - namely, vulnerability and humility.
This is the story of loss. Daniel was the Senior Minister of a large United Church of Christ congregation in a Chicago suburb. As she tells it, right around the time her divorce was finalized, she engaged in a sexual relationship with a member of the church staff. That indiscretion was eventually disclosed by the other party, which led to her entering the mysterious and labyrinthine world of church bureaucratic investigation. Her ministerial standing was suspended, she pursued the prescribed “growth plan”, and then her ministerial standing was reinstated. But in the meantime, she was forced to submit her resignation to the congregation. There was no opportunity for explanations, confessions or goodbyes between pastor and congregation.
The story has a happy ending. Daniel went on to serve a UCC congregation in Dubuque, Iowa for seven years and is now the Conference Minister for the UCC in Michigan. She is also married and seems to be thriving in all ways.
I am personally acquainted with Lillian and I know some of the people and congregations in this story. I admire much about this book. As someone who has served on Church and Ministry committees and fitness reviews, I share her belief that the system is deeply flawed. As a clergy person myself, I resonated with many of her experiences. Ministers are supposed to hold boundaries. We’re told to not become friends with our parishioners. But what happens when your actual friends become your parishioners? Is it always wrong to allow closeness to develop between pastor and parishioner?
She lists some of these as learnings: “…being a pastor was not and never should have been my core identity and the center of my relationships.” As she returns to the pastorate, she even tries wearing a collar while working and taking it off when the work day ends - a way to remind herself that her identity as a clergy person is a role. She sought friendships outside the church and developed new interests and hobbies.
I was struck by this quote: “I never caught myself lying about myself as a pastor in my previous positions, but I can recognize there were lies the congregation told about me that I did not correct because they actually served me. Those lies included having a strong and healthy marriage when I didn’t, being happy when I wasn’t, being thick-skinned when I was bleeding, and being transparent when I was hiding my shame.”
Throughout the book, Daniel writes of her desire to live a life “you can shine a light on” but what kind of light? There are parts of our lives that might crave and even deserve the spotlight, but sometimes we want more intimate, gentle, subtle lighting. I found myself wanting still more light from this book. Is there more Lillian could have told us about the “fall from grace” part of her story that would help others, especially those in similar professions? Yet I know how important it is for each individual to be the one deciding which light is right for which occasion.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
This is the story of loss. Daniel was the Senior Minister of a large United Church of Christ congregation in a Chicago suburb. As she tells it, right around the time her divorce was finalized, she engaged in a sexual relationship with a member of the church staff. That indiscretion was eventually disclosed by the other party, which led to her entering the mysterious and labyrinthine world of church bureaucratic investigation. Her ministerial standing was suspended, she pursued the prescribed “growth plan”, and then her ministerial standing was reinstated. But in the meantime, she was forced to submit her resignation to the congregation. There was no opportunity for explanations, confessions or goodbyes between pastor and congregation.
The story has a happy ending. Daniel went on to serve a UCC congregation in Dubuque, Iowa for seven years and is now the Conference Minister for the UCC in Michigan. She is also married and seems to be thriving in all ways.
I am personally acquainted with Lillian and I know some of the people and congregations in this story. I admire much about this book. As someone who has served on Church and Ministry committees and fitness reviews, I share her belief that the system is deeply flawed. As a clergy person myself, I resonated with many of her experiences. Ministers are supposed to hold boundaries. We’re told to not become friends with our parishioners. But what happens when your actual friends become your parishioners? Is it always wrong to allow closeness to develop between pastor and parishioner?
She lists some of these as learnings: “…being a pastor was not and never should have been my core identity and the center of my relationships.” As she returns to the pastorate, she even tries wearing a collar while working and taking it off when the work day ends - a way to remind herself that her identity as a clergy person is a role. She sought friendships outside the church and developed new interests and hobbies.
I was struck by this quote: “I never caught myself lying about myself as a pastor in my previous positions, but I can recognize there were lies the congregation told about me that I did not correct because they actually served me. Those lies included having a strong and healthy marriage when I didn’t, being happy when I wasn’t, being thick-skinned when I was bleeding, and being transparent when I was hiding my shame.”
Throughout the book, Daniel writes of her desire to live a life “you can shine a light on” but what kind of light? There are parts of our lives that might crave and even deserve the spotlight, but sometimes we want more intimate, gentle, subtle lighting. I found myself wanting still more light from this book. Is there more Lillian could have told us about the “fall from grace” part of her story that would help others, especially those in similar professions? Yet I know how important it is for each individual to be the one deciding which light is right for which occasion.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
Displaying 1 of 1 review