Here I Am

by E.M. Schenker

Kai, a virgin, has been in love with his best friend Toby since he was fifteen, carrying the weight of unrequited feelings for years. In a desperate attempt to get Toby to notice him in a different light, Kai flirts with and kisses Franklin, a guy he just met, hoping to spark jealousy. But when his plan fails and Toby seems unfazed, Kai is left heartbroken and questioning everything.

A few days later, in a moment of weakness, Kai goes along with Franklin's suggestion to try bondage. He changes his mind before anything happens but, unfortunately for him, everything blows up in his face when he's left naked, alone, cold, and handcuffed to a bed. As Kai struggles to cope, Toby walks in unexpectedly. Will Toby rescue him from this awkward situation, or is finding his best friend naked and bound too much to handle?

When Kai is set free, his troubles are far from over. He’s left not only with the lingering threat of the man who left him handcuffed, but also with the task of uncovering the truths buried around him. Kai thought being handcuffed to the bed was the worst of it, but as he’s about to find out, that is only the beginning.

Genres: M M Romance, LGBT

291 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 1, 2025

About the author

E.M. Schenker is a queer writer from the Netherlands, who loves writing contemporary romance stories with happy endings. If you're into a good HEA, you’ll find it in everything they write.

Visit their official website for more info!

Reviews

[Cynthia M Brow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here I Am this is the story of Kai a virgin and Toby his best friend. This was a very good story. I enjoyed the characters very much. It was interesting watching Kai get himself into trouble. I would definitely recommend this book.

[EveryReadss · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐⭐

"Here I Am" pulled me in fast. It’s an emotional, angsty story about Kai and Toby, two people who have been in each other’s lives for years but never quite figured things out. There’s a lot of pain and miscommunication between them, but also a lot of love, and I really enjoyed seeing them work through it all.

I liked how the book didn’t shy away from tough topics. Both characters have been through a lot, and you can really feel how their past affects them. At the same time, there’s hope in their story, which kept me hooked.

My only issue was that some scenes felt a little repetitive. Since the story is told from both characters’ perspectives, we sometimes get the same moment twice, just from a different angle. It added depth, but after a while, I found myself wanting to move on. Also, a few parts of the story were a bit predictable, especially when it came to certain dramatic moments, which I won't spoil.

In summary, this was a really good read. It’s full of emotion, struggle, and love, and the characters felt real. If you like angsty stories with strong feelings and a happy ending, I’d definitely recommend it.

One last thing, the cover gives a bit of a fantasy vibe, a bit ominous, not so much contemporary romance, but it's a MM romance for sure :)

[Samantha Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here I Am is a gripping and emotional novel, but what stood out to me the most was the bond between Toby and Kai. Their fierce loyalty and determination to protect each other added so much depth to the story, making it not just a romance but a powerful exploration of friendship and survival. I loved how their relationship felt raw and real—there were moments of tension due to kept secrets, but ultimately, their connection was unwavering. Schenker does a fantastic job of making you care about these characters, and that’s what made the book such a compelling read for me.

If you are looking for a novel that will have you crying one moment and smiling the next, then this is the book for you.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Toby was Kai's brother's best friend and Kai loved him since he was 15. Toby is not in the best of health and realizes he loves Kai but is insecure and has kept secrets from Kai. There is a lot of angst and hurt feelings as they work their way through their past and present to the future. There are triggers with assaults and phobias and panic attacks. But there is also steadfast love. I received a copy of this book through Gay Romance Reviews and this is my voluntary opinion.

[Annabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Here I Am! Despite (or maybe because of) the numerous trigger warnings, I found it much lighter than expected, which made for an easy read. Both main characters were incredibly likable and easy to root for.

One thing I struggled with a little was the writing style—many scenes were presented from both characters’ perspectives across two chapters. While this was fun and added depth, it did start to feel a bit repetitive for me at times. But that’s just a personal preference, I suppose.

Overall, I’d definitely recommend it!

[Saskia Veldhuis · Rating 4 out of 5]

An intense story of two friends, both always secretly hoping to be more for each other but feeling unable to be enough. There were some very difficult on page scenes and more than enough trauma for both to make their struggles on the path to helping each other very relatable. I appreciated how both had great difficulty in communicating but kept persevering. There were some excellent side characters and a very hard fought HEA.

[bubblegumpopper · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was decent, but I just did not at all buy that final showdown with Jonah. It just seemed so highly unlikely that he would completely back down, along with his goons, so it kind of ended on a lower note for me thanks to that. I did like how the author handled the processing and learning to cope after traumatic events though. I thought that component was really well done.

***

I was provided with an ARC from Gay Romance Reviews and this is my honest review.

[Sofía Bonino · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a cute read!

Kai and Toby where so lovable and relatable, they had great chemistry and I loved how they communicated better and better with each chapter.

And the side characters, wooow, I adored Sarina and Sebastian, both amazing friends 🥹

It made me laugh, cry and blush multiple times ✨

[Eden West · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book totally made me swoon! :) It was absolutely captivating—I was hooked from start to finish. Toby and Kai are just so lovable, and I adored the side characters too. Honestly, I almost felt like I was befriending them for real because the emotions were so vividly and palpably expressed on the page. Highly recommend!

[Leilani Noack · Rating 3 out of 5]

My first book by this author. The book was okay but didn’t hold my attention until the last half of the book. The characters were good but the story felt a little stale. Over all the book was okay.

[KB · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received this as an ARC from GRR for my unbiased review. Initially, I DNFed this book for an incident of victim-blaming. The GRR caution warning was far too mild for what transpired. Then it became a hate-read for me.


I found aspects of this story to be reprehensible, irresponsible, and unbelievable.


Too much of the story was literally both characters with their heads firmly stuck up their own rears, navel gazing and lint collecting. For the initial crisis scene, it was over 30 pages of them both stuck in their heads. Now you’d expect it from Kai. He’s bound, gagged, and blindfolded; he can’t help but be in his thoughts, but Toby? The only believable reaction to the situation is, “OMG, Kai! WTF! Are you ok?” But no, we get him staring at his friend and crush for pages on end like a fucking creeper. And then he goes off on the victim-blaming rant and has sex with him while he’s still bound and in a vulnerable mindset. WTF!?


Now, for the reprehensible bits I mentioned, first, one of our MCs was, as mentioned, bound, gagged, and blindfolded and literally ABANDONED for HOURS. Then there was a dangerous household item chosen to be used for a sex “toy.” These could be written off as literary license; however, there was not one single mention about the dangers involved in either practice. True, it speaks to the abuser’s lack of skills, knowledge, or care in the kink community, but somewhere, somehow the author ought to have spelled out how a responsible Dom/me would never actually leave a bound sub alone, much less use rubber bands as a cock ring. After all, they can be used to emasculate livestock.


Next, that show-down with Jonah and his buddies … Toby’s reaction to the situation totally understandable. Jonah’s reaction to Kai standing up for them, completely not. What kind of hold would Jonah have on his buddies for them to walk away instead of beating both to a pulp? Also, that farewell apology? Utterly unbelievable tripe.


Also, after Toby’s “accident,” why weren’t the police called? The medical staff would have realized that it wasn’t a car accident. Why didn’t he get any counseling afterwards?

[Amanda Winter · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Heartfelt and Emotional Journey

Here I Am by E.M. Schenker is one of those books that grabs you from the start and refuses to let go. It’s raw, emotional, and deeply moving—more than just a romance, it’s a story of survival, healing, and unwavering love.

At the heart of it all is Kai and Toby. Kai has always loved Toby, but Toby, after a painful past, has sworn off relationships entirely. Their journey is anything but easy. The tension, the unspoken words, the longing—it’s all so beautifully written. You can feel every emotion as they navigate their way back to each other, learning to trust, to communicate, and to let love in.

I loved the dual POV because it gives you such a deep understanding of both characters. You’re right there with them, feeling every struggle and every victory. And let’s talk about the angst—it’s so well done! There were moments that had my heart in my throat and others that made me want to wrap these two in a giant hug.

This book is a rollercoaster in the best way possible. One moment, you’re on the verge of tears, and the next, you’re smiling because of a small, tender moment that just hits. If you love stories about love that stands the test of time, about fighting for happiness even when it feels impossible, then Here I Am needs to be on your TBR.

[Louisa Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a book with nearly 400 pages this felt like a quick read, I couldn't put it down. There's drama, angst, an almost rape scene (except you know Toby will get there in time to stop it).

Toby and Kai have known each other for years, Toby is Kai's brothers childhood best friend, except there's a few secrets that Toby has to tell Kai, Toby is gay and knows Kai is gay but he's always hidden it from his best friend because of how he spoke about Kai when he suspected he was gay. When Kai decides to make Toby jealous by kissing someone else their story really begins.

Toby and Kai have such a special bond, they've always looked out for each other but throughout this story their bond is tested and they have to fight harder for what they both really want, while fighting their individual insecurities.

[Brennan Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took my breath away. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I felt such a connection to Kai and Toby, both having been through trauma. The sweet chubby guy and the fit virgin. Unrequited love. The Angst is very present but so well written i couldn't put it down.
I feel like E.M. did an amazing job bringing these characters to life. They each had a very distinct personality and dealt with circumstances in different ways.
The story was well developed, as were the characters. Their emotions were so raw and come across so strongly that you feel them right along with Kai and Toby.
I 100% recommend this book. Not only because I couldn't put it down but because the story is one that so many people have been through and I think the sensitivity of the topics of the trauma were very carefully handled.

[Lea Gesser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was not an easy book to read. The story of Kai and Toby. Both have had quite traumatic lives and still suffer from it every day. In the beginning I really had some kind of resistance to the book. The characters, doubted everything, everything they did was a struggle. But it slowly became clear that what had been done to her could cause lifelong trauma. But despite that, it is hopeful to read that despite all the trauma, they were still able to form a unity. And that love, no matter how hard and how difficult, is always better than the hate they have to endure. So despite everything, a beautifully written book about lost family, reliving trauma, but also hope for a new beginning. Not for the vulnerable among us, but still recommended to read.

[Jack Harkness · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rubber bands, root beer, K-Bear, Russian Blue, walking ribeye, Flamin' Times, Nunu, old bomber jacket

The start lacks depth and is slow. But boy, does that change! Drama is the driver of this book, lots of drama. After the start, it becomes steamy, tense, and edgy. Homophobia rears its ugly head here. Depending on your threshold, the story can be violent, too. So read the content warning.

Toby, 26 and Kai, 21 are the MCs here. They've been friends since Kai was 15. Kai is Jonah's (Toby's former best friend) younger brother. The setting is a small town in South Dakota, where it's very conservative and narrow minded.

Except for the beginning, "Here I Am" is exciting and entertaining. I recommend it, it's worthy of your time.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kai had always loved Toby but had always been brushed off. Toby has sworn off relationships after what had happened to him a few years before.
This read was a roller-coaster of emotions as we follow Kai and Toby get the HEA and boy did they have to fight for it.
I loved that we got both sides of the story from each of the POV's and throughout the story I knew exactly what each one was thinking and how the current event was effecting them. How they kept trying to improve the communication and that they were there for each other standing up for true love.
I loved everything about these two.

[Vols77 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Two words come to mind---raw and intense, but wow what a wonderful book. I was all in from page one and read this one in one sitting and I was nervous the entire time wanting these two to find love. Seems that Kai has had unrequited love for Toby since being a teen. Toby seems oblivious and to get his attention Kai makes a bad decision and finds himself in a precarious position (i.e. bondage situation gone wrong). Be prepared for lots of angst, but such a well crafter and powerful story. Too many trigger warning to mention but they are handle with grace and realism adding to story. I did receive an ARC and leave this honest review.

[Christina Horton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another book in the bag for a great author. On the heels of books like Boys Don't Cry and The Walls Around Me comes Here I am.

This one is darker and looks at subjects that arent necessarily easy to swallow but the author takes great care in being sensitive and writing with an honest look at whats going on.

Both Toby and Kai have been through hell and back and as you turn each page you can't put it down, you just want both of these men to find their Happily ever after.

I love the way the author just keeps you on the edge of your seat as well as writing the characters in a realistic way.

I can't wait until their next release comes out.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a new to me author and the story was good it’s an emotional read and covers some hard topics so please check trigger warnings, I liked Kai and Toby as MCs and thought Sebastian and Sarina were good side characters. Although the topics were handled well apart from Toby at the start victim blaming I just couldn’t understand why the authorities were never involved in anything even right back to Toby’s initial attack the hospital should have surely known the difference between the victim of a beating over a car accident and automatically contacted the police but maybe it’s just a me thing overall a good read and I’ll look out for more from this author in the future.

[L H · Rating 4 out of 5]

​The frustration of unrequited feelings and the angst that comes from trying to get the one you long for to see you and to want to be with you runs through this story. But Toby and Kai were more than that. They were best friends who cared deeply for one another. But each man had his own issues to deal with and because of that their path to being more than friends became more complicated than it might have been. It was a good story that tackled some difficult issues on the way to these two finally finding each other as more than friends.
I received an ARC from GRR and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Traci S · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️
This is a new author to me and there some things I enjoyed and a few that didn’t quite work for me. On the plus side, I thought the characters were well crafted and I believed the emotions between Toby and Kai, the writing does a strong job establishing how much these two care for each other. I didn’t love the pining and thought it was a bit heavy handed with all the drama and trauma. It does give Toby and Kai a satisfying ending and I loved the time jump for the epilogue.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book

[C.B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightful. Kai has been in love with his older brother's ex best friend, Toby since he was 15. He is tired of his unrequited feelings and is ready to make a move. Toby, keeps to himself still a bit insecure after recovering from a spinal injury. Kai, unwisely gets himself into a potentially dangerous situation from which Toby rescuse him. Their relationship notches up a few levels and they discover a lot about themselves and each other. E.M. creates two very likeable characters. Nice cover art! Good story, nice flow. Well done! I received an ARC and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Ida Umphers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kai and Toby are two wonderfully complicated characters for this friends to lovers romance and their path toward a relationship other than friendship isn't straight or easy. I loved the complication that Franklin added to the story and the way the author had these characters work through their issues and have some hard conversations. I really liked the technique of showing things from both characters' point of view. The little nuances of difference you get from each one in things like that are something I enjoy.

[Leonie Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this story and then I loved it some more!!!! It's stunning and emotional. Toby is a wonderful character and it takes a bit for him to make any kind of a move on Kai. He's been in a bad place for years, since he was beaten up for being who he is. The real story behind that is a devastation for both Toby and Kai. This is a very well written M/M romance and I really enjoyed it! I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book.

[Manic killer · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5⭐️
A lot happened in this book that made wish I DNf’d it instead of finishing.
What is going on here?
To be honest, I have no idea what to say. I received an arc of this book from GRR for my honest review, and I think I lost a few brain cells while reading this that I cannot even come up with anything.
Why didn’t they call the police on the literal rapist who tried to rape Kai twice?
Also the whole thing with Jonah?
I…
Yeah, I’m lost for words.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not going to lie, it took me a while to get into this book but once I did I enjoyed it. The bond that exists between Toby and Kai was really sweet. They had great chemistry that has been built on years of familiarity and friendship. The two of them have experienced a fair amount of trauma in their lives and it was nice to watch them work through it together. It was an emotional and heartwarming read and I highly recommend.

[Gabrielle Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is full of ups and downs. Toby and Kai deal with a lot through out this book. We get to see the two try to find their happy ending. They find that love is not all butterflies and rainbows. Emotions are strong and trust is hard earned. I enjoyed meeting Kai and Toby. The two are good together and it was interesting to see the struggles that they each deal with and how they are willing to fight for what they want.

[Bkwrm24 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kia and Toby ❤️

Honestly, I couldn't quite get into this book until the end. The amount of angst in this story was so damn frustrating. I liked these characters but they were both so oblivious and at times I missed the connection. With that being said, this was my first read from this author and I would definite give them another shot even though I didn't connect with this story.

* I received an ARC from GRR, this is my open and honest review *

[Deb Kel · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable read with great characters. An emotional, angsty storyline that pulled me in from the beginning. I thought the characters were realistic and i really felt for Kai and his trauma. I thoroughly enjoyed following Kai and Toby's journey.
I received a free arc copy and this is my honest review