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The Price of Nice: Why Comfort Keeps Us Stuck and 4 Actions for Real Change
Many of us follow the “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But that advice isn’t always helpful.
In the workplace, people often choose niceness over honesty in order to avoid hurt feelings or conflict. The truth is, there are hidden costs of "niceness" that allow inequities to endure, projects to fail, and organizations to stagnate. Growth comes from courageous conversations and genuine, authentic action.
The Price of Nice introduces an innovative, proven four-step framework that shows listeners how to spot problem areas that are often masked by artificial niceness; facilitate difficult conversations and navigate conflict; empower genuine action and cease endless discussions; and build accountability systems for sustainable progress.
This guide helps team members and leaders break through superficial politeness to address real workplace problems, create solutions, and ultimately build a healthy environment for everyone to do their best work.
In the workplace, people often choose niceness over honesty in order to avoid hurt feelings or conflict. The truth is, there are hidden costs of "niceness" that allow inequities to endure, projects to fail, and organizations to stagnate. Growth comes from courageous conversations and genuine, authentic action.
The Price of Nice introduces an innovative, proven four-step framework that shows listeners how to spot problem areas that are often masked by artificial niceness; facilitate difficult conversations and navigate conflict; empower genuine action and cease endless discussions; and build accountability systems for sustainable progress.
This guide helps team members and leaders break through superficial politeness to address real workplace problems, create solutions, and ultimately build a healthy environment for everyone to do their best work.
- GenresNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
Published October 28, 2025
2 people are currently reading
72 people want to read
About the author
Amira Barger
2 books4 followersAmira K.S. Barger, MBA, CVA, CFRE is a behavioral communications and marketing counselor, professor, author, and fearlessly authentic leader working at the intersection of health equity, DEI, and employee engagement to help organizations tackle society’s most pressing challenges.
She is the author of The Price of Nice, releasing on October 28, 2025—a bold exploration of how superficial niceness hinders real progress in workplaces and society.
Amira serves as Executive Vice President at a global consulting firm, where she provides senior counsel in Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) and strategic communications. A multi-award-winning scholar-practitioner and data-informed organizational architect, she teaches marketing, communications, and change management at California State University East Bay. Her work leverages design thinking to advance DEI and solve complex problems with clarity and care.
She writes about Black women in the workplace, Black motherhood, and the bold actions individuals and institutions must take to advance Black liberation.
Outside of work, she and her family are on a mission to visit all 417 U.S. national parks, collecting National Park Passport stamps along the way. She lives in Benicia, CA, with her life partner of 20+ years, Jonathan, their daughter Audrey, and their two furry sons, Bucky and Potato.
Get in touch: hello@amirabarger.com | mira.barger@csueastbay.edu
She is the author of The Price of Nice, releasing on October 28, 2025—a bold exploration of how superficial niceness hinders real progress in workplaces and society.
Amira serves as Executive Vice President at a global consulting firm, where she provides senior counsel in Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) and strategic communications. A multi-award-winning scholar-practitioner and data-informed organizational architect, she teaches marketing, communications, and change management at California State University East Bay. Her work leverages design thinking to advance DEI and solve complex problems with clarity and care.
She writes about Black women in the workplace, Black motherhood, and the bold actions individuals and institutions must take to advance Black liberation.
Outside of work, she and her family are on a mission to visit all 417 U.S. national parks, collecting National Park Passport stamps along the way. She lives in Benicia, CA, with her life partner of 20+ years, Jonathan, their daughter Audrey, and their two furry sons, Bucky and Potato.
Get in touch: hello@amirabarger.com | mira.barger@csueastbay.edu
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
December 8, 2025
The Price of Nice lays out a sharp argument that our cultural obsession with being “nice” keeps us stuck in cycles of false comfort and stalled progress. Barger shows how niceness acts like a velvet glove over an iron fist and how it works as a social construct that preserves the status quo at home, in workplaces, and across society. She breaks the idea down through a think–feel–do–revisit framework and uses stories from her own life, research insights, and cultural examples to show how niceness can silence honesty, block accountability, and mask inequity. Her focus is not on abandoning decency, but on choosing nerve over niceness so real change can happen.
As I read her chapters, I felt a mix of recognition and unease, the kind that comes from seeing your own habits laid bare. Her point about niceness being a survival tactic hit me hardest. She shows how it gets baked into us early through family expectations and social rules and then reinforced through workplaces that want harmony more than truth. I found myself nodding when she brought up how companies perform allyship rather than practice it. The examples she gives, like statements, book lists, and surface-level DEI efforts, felt painfully familiar. Her writing style is candid and conversational, sometimes blunt in a way that pulled me in because it felt like someone finally refusing to sugarcoat the obvious.
I also appreciated how she connects niceness with identity, belonging, and psychological safety. When she talked about the cost of staying quiet, especially when it means acting against your own values, I felt a pit in my stomach because it rings true. Her explanation of mental models and how we are primed to behave, often without noticing, made me rethink the way I show up in spaces that value “professionalism” more than honesty. Some of her metaphors, like comparing niceness to an invisibility cloak or unpacking anchoring and framing with pop-culture references, were simple but really effective.
This book does more than challenge niceness. It challenges the reader to look at how they contribute to systems that reward silence. I walked away feeling a gentle push to speak up more, even when my stomach flips. Barger's message is clear. Comfort is costly. Growth demands discomfort. And every one of us has a choice in which path we take.
I’d recommend this book to people who work in communications, leadership, or any workplace where culture change is a goal, though honestly, anyone tired of pretending everything is fine will get something out of it. It’s a strong pick for readers who like straightforward talk, personal storytelling, and practical tools wrapped in real-world honesty.
As I read her chapters, I felt a mix of recognition and unease, the kind that comes from seeing your own habits laid bare. Her point about niceness being a survival tactic hit me hardest. She shows how it gets baked into us early through family expectations and social rules and then reinforced through workplaces that want harmony more than truth. I found myself nodding when she brought up how companies perform allyship rather than practice it. The examples she gives, like statements, book lists, and surface-level DEI efforts, felt painfully familiar. Her writing style is candid and conversational, sometimes blunt in a way that pulled me in because it felt like someone finally refusing to sugarcoat the obvious.
I also appreciated how she connects niceness with identity, belonging, and psychological safety. When she talked about the cost of staying quiet, especially when it means acting against your own values, I felt a pit in my stomach because it rings true. Her explanation of mental models and how we are primed to behave, often without noticing, made me rethink the way I show up in spaces that value “professionalism” more than honesty. Some of her metaphors, like comparing niceness to an invisibility cloak or unpacking anchoring and framing with pop-culture references, were simple but really effective.
This book does more than challenge niceness. It challenges the reader to look at how they contribute to systems that reward silence. I walked away feeling a gentle push to speak up more, even when my stomach flips. Barger's message is clear. Comfort is costly. Growth demands discomfort. And every one of us has a choice in which path we take.
I’d recommend this book to people who work in communications, leadership, or any workplace where culture change is a goal, though honestly, anyone tired of pretending everything is fine will get something out of it. It’s a strong pick for readers who like straightforward talk, personal storytelling, and practical tools wrapped in real-world honesty.
December 31, 2025
The Price of Nice by Amira Barger is one of the few books that actually challenges the myth of “niceness” instead of repackaging corporate toughness as self‑help. I went in skeptical — too many business‑world books claim to be empowering while quietly reinforcing the same oppressive systems. They teach people to mimic the worst behaviors of corporate culture just to be taken seriously.
This book does the opposite.
Barger uses powerful storytelling, cultural insight, and lived experience to show how “niceness” functions as a system of control. She makes a compelling case that what we need isn’t to become harsher — it’s to develop nerve. The courage to speak clearly, act intentionally, and stop shrinking ourselves to make others comfortable.
Her blend of personal stories and deep knowledge of Black history gives the book a rare dual impact: it’s universally useful, yet especially resonant for Black Americans navigating the daily landmines of perception and expectation. She writes not like someone who “escaped” and forgot the struggle, but like a guide who’s still in it — teaching you how to move through the world with steadiness instead of self‑silencing.
Short, sharp, and genuinely transformative, The Price of Nice is a must‑read for anyone interested in communication, leadership, or personal growth. It doesn’t just challenge how you show up — it challenges why.
This book does the opposite.
Barger uses powerful storytelling, cultural insight, and lived experience to show how “niceness” functions as a system of control. She makes a compelling case that what we need isn’t to become harsher — it’s to develop nerve. The courage to speak clearly, act intentionally, and stop shrinking ourselves to make others comfortable.
Her blend of personal stories and deep knowledge of Black history gives the book a rare dual impact: it’s universally useful, yet especially resonant for Black Americans navigating the daily landmines of perception and expectation. She writes not like someone who “escaped” and forgot the struggle, but like a guide who’s still in it — teaching you how to move through the world with steadiness instead of self‑silencing.
Short, sharp, and genuinely transformative, The Price of Nice is a must‑read for anyone interested in communication, leadership, or personal growth. It doesn’t just challenge how you show up — it challenges why.
December 30, 2025
The Price of Nice arrived at a pivotal moment in my life. I have recently been met with internal guilt and external discipline for attempting to be "real" rather than just "nice," observing that the individuals who actually make change are rarely prioritising politeness. While I am not quite ready to leave my shell, the book provided a helpful framework for "getting my butterflies in formation," allowing me to channel the frustration of remaining nice into something more productive.
However, the writing adopts a performative tone that I found difficult to take seriously; it felt more like a "girlboss" manifesto than a help guide.
The analysis also remains shallow. By attempting to tackle every social issue at once, the narrative often fails to link these complex problems back to the core theme of niceness. Ultimately, while it provides some tools for internal management, the surface-level approach and strained examples make it a missed opportunity for a truly deep dive into the cost of social compliance.
However, the writing adopts a performative tone that I found difficult to take seriously; it felt more like a "girlboss" manifesto than a help guide.
The analysis also remains shallow. By attempting to tackle every social issue at once, the narrative often fails to link these complex problems back to the core theme of niceness. Ultimately, while it provides some tools for internal management, the surface-level approach and strained examples make it a missed opportunity for a truly deep dive into the cost of social compliance.
December 15, 2025
Thank you , Amira, for this reminder that prioritizing nice above all else can, in fact, be very not nice. I love having “nerve” as the other end of the continuum. Also, thank you for the history lessons that helped explain how we got here.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews