Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships

by Jessica Baum LMHC

A guide to fostering more security, intimacy, and peace in our relationships, and in ourselves, by the author of Anxiously Attached

The topic of attachment theory has never been hotter. The hashtag #attachmentstyle has appeared more than a billion times on social media—but going beyond simple types to uncover how you developed your unique attachment patterns and why you relate to others as you do is where the deepest insights can be revealed. In this empathic and practical guide, therapist Jessica Baum sheds light on the unprocessed attachment wounds that cause us to live in survival mode—and offers a roadmap for building safe relationships that can become the foundation for true healing.  

You’ll discover what fulfilling, joyful, secure love feels like and how to cultivate it using simple techniques that will help you move from “fight or flight” mode to a place of trust, fulfillment, and true closeness with the people you care about most.  

Drawing on the brain science behind why we tend to repeat old, painful patterns, therapist Jessica Baum shows you how to move toward relationships that provide the deeper connection, safety, and trust we all long for, in every area of our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Mental Health, Counselling

303 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 28, 2025

Reviews

[Michelle Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is grounded, compassionate, deeply healing, and easy to read and understand.

I absolutely love how the book is structured — each chapter builds beautifully on the last, and the actionable steps/journal prompts make the insights truly usable in daily life. It’s clear that Jessica Baum’s work is well-researched, drawing on well-established attachment and trauma theories, yet written in a way that feels warm, accessible, and human.

Her authentic voice and vulnerability shine through every page; she writes with both clinical expertise and lived experience. Reading this while navigating a breakup has been profoundly healing, and it’s helping me understand my attachment style, re-pattern old dynamics, and gently move toward secure attachment.

More than a relationship book, Safe is a compassionate roadmap for coming home to yourself and creating relationships rooted in awareness, safety, and love.

[Qurenna Bayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an emotional read for me. I wish I went into it understanding her first book but it wasn't hard to follow.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a social worker who teaches and works extensively with attachment theory, I found SAFE to
be deeply relatable. Jessica Baum integrates her own healing journey with interpersonal
neurobiology in a way that feels honest and practical. The book offers a clear roadmap for
individuals who struggle to feel secure in relationships or who become easily overwhelmed by
their emotional and trauma responses.
What stands out most is Baum’s emphasis on healing attachment wounds through embodied,
somatic practices. She helps readers identify early relational experiences and attachment injuries/
trauma while consistently bringing the work back to the nervous system. This mind/body focus
reflects what many of us see clinically. Insight alone is rarely enough; the feeling of safety is
essential for real change and healing.
The concept of “anchor relationships” is another strength of the book. Baum names what many
clients intuitively long for but struggle to articulate: the need for consistent, emotionally
available relationships that provide stability during the healing process. These anchors, whether
friends, partners, therapists, or chosen family, offer a corrective emotional experience.
I also appreciate Baum’s realistic approach to relationships. She acknowledges that conflict is
inevitable and reframes it as an opportunity for growth rather than a sign of failure. At the same
time, she provides thoughtful guidance on when a relationship is no longer supportive of healing
and when leaving may be an act of self-protection rather than avoidance.
Overall, SAFE is a valuable resource for anyone working to heal attachment patterns, as well as
for clinicians supporting clients in this work. It bridges theory and lived experience in a way that
feels compassionate and grounded, both inside and outside the therapy room.

[Rebecca Defield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read several books, listened to podcasts, and watched videos on the topic of healing, reclaiming memories, and attachment theory. This is definitely my favorite so far. Let me break down a few reasons.

1. This book is written for everyday people to read and you don't have to become a neuroscientist to understand it. I feel that many books on this topic rush to fix issues through analysis or are written more for psychologists and professionals to help patients. This can lead to the inclusion of stories and language that my be difficult for readers with past traumas to read. This also makes it difficult for me to recommend books on this topic to friends that I think would benefit from it. Safe by Jessica Baum is finally a book I can recommend to any friend that needs it without worrying if I am going to open their wounds to more pain.

2. Similar to my previous point, it's not just the choice of human centered narration, but also the actual choice of words that made facing the more difficult topics actually feel safe (just like the title of the book) to read. I can tell that a lot of thought was put into what feelings each word might invoke and how to make the whole experience feel comforting while still facing challenges without pulling any punches regarding the inner work that needs to be done.

3. I loved how the stories didn't romanticize abuse, or turn to blaming or encouragement to self diagnose others as too many relationship focused works tend to these days. In fact, I found myself commonly reading chapters of this book thinking of my husband and empathizing with his story instead of my own. It gave me a deeper understanding of both of our past wounds and how I can be more understanding towards him, even in the little things.

For anyone who is tired of reading about how anyone who displays a single red flag is some mythological version of a narcissist, paired with therapy-codes praise for the reader with no real call to personal responsibility, this book will feel like a breath of fresh air. And a warm hug.

[Tabitha Kirkland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m less than halfway through this book and already recommending it to everyone I know. Absolutely fantastic.

[Travis Ambrose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fantastic resource for the literal practice of inner child work that is at the foundation of attachment healing work. A lot of people will talk about inner child work and say "do the work", without much clarity on what that actually means.

Well folks, this book is it.

It's filled with prompts and guided meditations that you can do on your own, but the author wisely encourages you to do it with a trusted anchor, whether it be a friend, partner, therapist or coach, because the most significant healing happens between people.

If you’re a therapist or coach, you’ll appreciate how the practices are grounded in relational neuroscience, polyvagal theory, and clear parallels with Internal Family Systems. There’s a good chance you’ll walk away with fresh insights and tools for your clinical or coaching toolkit

Whether you're a self healer or practitioner, it's definitely worth having on your shelf.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a practical guide that goes beyond traditional attachment theory to incorporating theories such as polyvagal, right/left brain hemisphere, social baseline and healing implicit memories, among others.

I like the concept of a wheel of attachment rather than a single style and going beyond exploring our past relationship with our primary caregivers to every other childhood relationship.

The book is divided into 3 parts:

1. Searching for Safety
Explores early attachment, anchors (safe, nurturing relationships that make deep healing possible) and protectors (strategies we develop to keep us from drowning in the internal pain and fear we experience when our attachment wounds are awakened).

2. Coming Home to our Bodies
This section outlines practices for healing attachment wounds such as:
- Interoception: listening to the sensations happening in our bodies.
- Healing Our Younger Selves: listening for the embodied voices of our younger selves.
- Healing the Patterns That Keep Us Stuck: how patterns that formed in our childhood relationships often resurface in our adult relationships.

3. Living in Heartfelt Connection
Comprised of 3 chapters:
i. Knowing When to Stay - and When It’s Time to Go
ii. What Happens When We Heal
iii. Reaching Your Safe Harbor

There are detailed progressive practices that are recommended to be done with a "co-anchor/listening partner". These can also be found on her website as guided meditations: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/success-m...

[Annien · Rating 5 out of 5]

SAFE goes deeper into the long game of healing. It isn’t meant to be a quick fix and it can be uncomfortable, but i also think it's kind of the point.

What really stands out is how much care and vulnerability the author has poured into every page. She doesn’t assume readers have secure memories to draw from; she actually helps you create that internal sense of safety through mindfulness, visualization, and co-regulation practices, so you can start creating new emotional wiring, even if your early experiences didn’t offer that. It’s less about revisiting old wounds and more about learning what calm and safety actually feel like now.
For me, what makes her work so powerful is the grounded mix of attachment theory, neuroscience, and lived experience which makes her work accessible and deeply human. Her clinical background and compassion are clear: she names therapy as an important companion to this book, not a replacement for it.

I highly recommend SAFE, it is a book that I will return to time and time again to work on my sense of safety, not just in my own skin, but also with others.

[Jessica Hicks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Baum’s first book, Anxiously Attached, was so great. If you go back and read my review you’ll see that I related to it intensely and I appreciated that it was mostly a book about managing anxiety. So I was surprised when I read this book and found I wasn’t connecting with it. The theme of the book is healing from attachment trauma with the support of a partner, close friend, or even the author herself- acknowledging that we inherently need people. Throughout the book are many meditations in which you visualize safe people from your past so you can internalize those supporters and heal from the traumatic ones. I just really struggled to find memories of secure attachments from my childhood- which really made me feel empty and sad. I wonder if a disclaimer at the beginning of the book about who this book can help vs who should skip the book and get therapy could prevent others from feeing this way? I do think it could be very beneficial for people with mild to moderate trauma though. Thank you for the gifted copy, Tarcher Books.

[Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book seemed to hold so much promise… “attachment-informed guide to building more secure relationships”, “a science-informed path”, “practical guide” are all right there on the book jacket but I found none of these things in the actual pages. This was filled with the fluffiest Brad Goodman something-or-other I have ever read. So much holding space. So much gentle comforting. So much “hold the hand of your inner protector, what are they telling you?” I did not relate to this at all. The information about attachment styles didn’t come until like 150 pages in. If you are looking for a book where exercises include “creating a gallery of non dominant hand drawings that express the felt sense in your body of such nourishing encounters” then cool. Otherwise, just… woof.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Certain parts of the book moved me deeply and unexpectedly. I was surprised by how much of myself I recognized while reading. Some moments even brought me to tears, and that in itself felt really healing. I also love the concept of The Wheel of Attachment. Overall, I found this book unique and practical. The exercises helped me connect with parts of myself I haven’t been able to before. I also really love the guided audio practices and meditations that come with it. I read the author’s first book and I feel this one goes a bit deeper now that I have a better understanding of my attachment patterns. I highly recommend it!

[LaurenB · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ for a deeper understanding of Attachment and how to heal attachment wounds. Honestly, the most in depth understanding of how to create secure attachment. I used this book with my therapist and it was like years of therapy in one book. The science it in was insane and I have a deep understanding of how to actually heal attachment patterns rather then just understanding what they are.
I learned I have more than one and different ones show up with different relationships. I was even able to notice a trauma bond that I am in. I have the tools now to at least see things more clearly. This is a very deep book that makes you feel into a lot, read it if you want real change.

[Cassie Mae · Rating 5 out of 5]

SAFE is the kind of book you do not just read. You experience it.
Jessica takes complex neuroscience and attachment theory and makes it not only understandable but also useful in everyday life. I kept stopping to underline passages because they described emotional patterns I have struggled with for years.

What I loved most is how empowering this book is. Instead of focusing on what is wrong, it shows you how to gently shift old relational patterns, reconnect to your body, and feel secure from the inside out. The tools are compassionate, grounded, and immediately helpful.

Anyone who wants healthier relationships with themselves or others needs this book. It is that good.

[Antonella Hermans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book touched parts of me I didn’t even realize were still aching. Jessica writes with such warmth and wisdom—her gentle, grounded approach helps you truly understand your attachment wounds and how they shape your relationships. Every page radiates her compassion and deep empathy.

SAFE invited me to slow down, notice my triggers with kindness, and begin to imagine what genuine, secure love can feel like. If you’ve ever felt unsafe in love or stuck in painful patterns, this book offers a path toward healing and wholeness from the inside out.

[enchantingprose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. The author did wonderful narration. Most of the book presses about doing the inner child work to eventually diminish the triggers around painful memories. There were stories of people and how their attachments / triggers affected their relationships. Not enough solutions for me other than years of therapy.

I did enjoy the tidbit fact that neuron pathways restructure after telling a painful story and receiving sympathy from others. Group therapy should theoretically work. Also safe partners and friends .

[Alexandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baum blends clear psychology with real-life tools, helping readers understand their patterns and build emotional safety from the inside out. Her writing is warm, accessible, and validating, making complex ideas feel easy to apply.

A must-read for anyone looking to strengthen connection — with themselves and others. It really is empowering and heartfelt roadmap for anyone seeking healthier, more secure relationships.

[Luisa Piano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed the way I understand myself and the patterns I repeat in my relationships.
Jessica explains attachment in such a clear, easy, and compassionate way that I felt seen in every chapter. I learned how my body reacts to stress, fear, and intimacy, and I finally have the tools that actually help me feel secure.
This is the book I will keep on my nightstand and recommend to everyone I care about.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very deep and profound read, went deeper then any therapist ever had. I understand secure attachment and my own patterns so much better!! A must read for healing thank you Jessica!

[Alison Sperling · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book annoying, and could not get into it.

[Jessica Baum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing deep attachment read. Loved Anxiously Attached and this went deeper.