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The Dirt Beneath Our Door: My Journey to Freedom after Escaping a Polygamous Mormon Cult
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304 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 9, 2025
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June 16, 2025
This memoir was both inspirational and informative! It is a nonfiction book that explains how a mother and her children ended up escaping a polygamous Mormon cult. This story captures a woman of resilience, willing to take chances, strength and determination! Pamela Jones is this woman’s name! In this memoir, she discusses what it was like to grow up in fear and poverty at a very young age. She had gotten married at only fifteen years old and could not connect with anyone outside of their cult, this includes her own blood relatives. This was at her husband’s commands.
I cannot imagine how this woman felt, after everything she was going through, while being a part of this cult. She felt like her life was in danger and needed to escape. Not just for her, but for her children as well. She ends up escaping and taking her children with her, having limited education and resources to help her. As this story unravels, she does anything and everything to educate herself and make sure her children are safe and taken care of. She is now an entrepreneur, author and a free woman! Be sure to read the content warnings. Overall, I give this book a 5 out of 5 stars!
Thank you to NetGalley, author Pamela Jones and BenBella Books | Matt Holt Books for this electronic arc of this book in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.
This memoir is expected to be published on September 9, 2025!
I cannot imagine how this woman felt, after everything she was going through, while being a part of this cult. She felt like her life was in danger and needed to escape. Not just for her, but for her children as well. She ends up escaping and taking her children with her, having limited education and resources to help her. As this story unravels, she does anything and everything to educate herself and make sure her children are safe and taken care of. She is now an entrepreneur, author and a free woman! Be sure to read the content warnings. Overall, I give this book a 5 out of 5 stars!
Thank you to NetGalley, author Pamela Jones and BenBella Books | Matt Holt Books for this electronic arc of this book in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.
This memoir is expected to be published on September 9, 2025!
September 8, 2025
When the day ended, I would be one of two things: either dead, or free. Right now, either option sounded good. (loc. 65*)
Jones wasn't supposed to be born into polygamy: Her father, seeing what it did to his own mother, swore that he didn't want that life. But then, well, things changed. And by the time Jones was born—her mother's second child, and her father's eleventh—I think it's fair to say that her father had gone all in on polygamy, decreeing that Jones would be named after a high school girlfriend and eventually taking up with eleven plural wives. And although Jones knew she didn't want to be a second or third (or tenth or eleventh) wife, she saw only the path that was laid in front of her: marry young into polygamy (in Mexico, where her family lived because there was less government scrutiny), have children, have more children, welcome new wives into the relationship.
Sometimes I was asked to babysit church members' kids, only to arrive and find the husband home alone, "just waiting" for his wife and kids to return. Then the flirting started. Even stranger, when the wife and kids arrived home, they joined the campaign to add me to their family as the next plural wife. (loc. 1193)
It sounds like a terribly hard upbringing. Jones didn't know anything different, of course, but she was never able to have what most people would consider a normal childhood—too much cooking and cleaning and childcare; not enough school or friendship or innocence. Dozens of siblings but very little one-on-one time with her father (and too much fear when she did have time with him). And terribly warped expectations for marriage:
"What more do you need?" He pulled away as his voice rose in irritation. "You can cook, sew, clean, and take care of children. What else is there, Rina?" (loc. 1447)
Jones paints a devastating picture of life in a cult. I'm surprised by how little strife she discusses between her father's wives, though honestly it sounds like she (and her mother) had limited contact with a lot of them. Or maybe they were all just too focused on survival for infighting—fear of their own husband, fear of Ervil LeBaron, just simple struggle to get enough food on the table to feed a household with no financial (or other) freedom and almost no financial (...or other...) support.
Most of the book takes place during Jones's upbringing and first marriage. There are some true jaw-droppers in here—I think they're worth reading in the full context and don't want to include spoilers, but I'll just say that her first husband's approach to marriage was...something else. Jones is able to find some compassion for him (he, too, grew up in the cult, and his actions very much reflect that distortion), but it's incredibly telling of how hard their community's demands were on girls and women.
Jones doesn't talk as much about her time after the cult, or about how her relationship with her parents changed as she got older. Her father ultimately helped her out with some things that surprised me, given the context of his chosen religion, and I'd have liked to know more about how that came about and how their relationship evolved as Jones struggled through her first years of freedom. I'd also have liked more about Jones and her kids figuring things out once they were outside the cult, though I'm not sure how much of that story she could reasonably tell while allowing for whatever levels of privacy her kids prefer. (I'd someday love to read a memoir from one of those kids, though, because I expect that their experience of leaving was in some ways even more jarring than Jones's.)
All told, a gripping read. Very much one for those with a preexisting curiosity about culty books, but also a reminder of just how much control a certain subset of people want to exert over others.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
Jones wasn't supposed to be born into polygamy: Her father, seeing what it did to his own mother, swore that he didn't want that life. But then, well, things changed. And by the time Jones was born—her mother's second child, and her father's eleventh—I think it's fair to say that her father had gone all in on polygamy, decreeing that Jones would be named after a high school girlfriend and eventually taking up with eleven plural wives. And although Jones knew she didn't want to be a second or third (or tenth or eleventh) wife, she saw only the path that was laid in front of her: marry young into polygamy (in Mexico, where her family lived because there was less government scrutiny), have children, have more children, welcome new wives into the relationship.
Sometimes I was asked to babysit church members' kids, only to arrive and find the husband home alone, "just waiting" for his wife and kids to return. Then the flirting started. Even stranger, when the wife and kids arrived home, they joined the campaign to add me to their family as the next plural wife. (loc. 1193)
It sounds like a terribly hard upbringing. Jones didn't know anything different, of course, but she was never able to have what most people would consider a normal childhood—too much cooking and cleaning and childcare; not enough school or friendship or innocence. Dozens of siblings but very little one-on-one time with her father (and too much fear when she did have time with him). And terribly warped expectations for marriage:
"What more do you need?" He pulled away as his voice rose in irritation. "You can cook, sew, clean, and take care of children. What else is there, Rina?" (loc. 1447)
Jones paints a devastating picture of life in a cult. I'm surprised by how little strife she discusses between her father's wives, though honestly it sounds like she (and her mother) had limited contact with a lot of them. Or maybe they were all just too focused on survival for infighting—fear of their own husband, fear of Ervil LeBaron, just simple struggle to get enough food on the table to feed a household with no financial (or other) freedom and almost no financial (...or other...) support.
Most of the book takes place during Jones's upbringing and first marriage. There are some true jaw-droppers in here—I think they're worth reading in the full context and don't want to include spoilers, but I'll just say that her first husband's approach to marriage was...something else. Jones is able to find some compassion for him (he, too, grew up in the cult, and his actions very much reflect that distortion), but it's incredibly telling of how hard their community's demands were on girls and women.
Jones doesn't talk as much about her time after the cult, or about how her relationship with her parents changed as she got older. Her father ultimately helped her out with some things that surprised me, given the context of his chosen religion, and I'd have liked to know more about how that came about and how their relationship evolved as Jones struggled through her first years of freedom. I'd also have liked more about Jones and her kids figuring things out once they were outside the cult, though I'm not sure how much of that story she could reasonably tell while allowing for whatever levels of privacy her kids prefer. (I'd someday love to read a memoir from one of those kids, though, because I expect that their experience of leaving was in some ways even more jarring than Jones's.)
All told, a gripping read. Very much one for those with a preexisting curiosity about culty books, but also a reminder of just how much control a certain subset of people want to exert over others.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
September 28, 2025
What a crazy story about abuse and her escape and ultimately becoming successful.
October 17, 2025
I’m issuing a “1.5” for the author’s story; people tell their stories the way they lived them, and I’m not in any position to critique their experiences. I AM, however, able to judge writing styles, prose, organization—-the nuts and bolts of a book.
Maybe it’s because I listened to this book as an audio NOT read by the author, but this book SUCKED. Constant repetition of descriptions of people’s looks, eg “Mama’s thick brown hair,” or “her cat-like eyes” or “daddy’s smell of leather, Old Spice, and Ivory Soap” (I will forever remember her father’s scent because its frequent recitation in the narrative has burned itself onto my eardrums. If that’s not creepy…); nearly every dialogue she has with her husband (raised in Mexico and half mexican) begins with her husband growling, “Rena…”(the author’s familial name), immediately followed by either her stomach dropping or tears falling from her (or his!) eyes. Often her stomach did flips, or she padded somewhere on the soft dusty, ground. I got so tired of the forced-emotional tone that i started tuning out the actual story, distracted by the repeat-yet-generic descriptions. (FYI—in spite of the non-stop physical descriptions of people, it was nearly impossible for the listener to tell them all apart. Having benefit of a picture section is one way the physical book will always reign supreme).
Some of the best writing comes at the end, where the author and her young adult children open a house cleaning service in Minnesota after they escape from polygamy (which, tbh, wasn’t that dramatic. She wanted a divorce from her narcissistic husband, her dad said OK, helped her get documents together, and sent her on her way to America. Not the usual FLDS cult escape story with husbands and uncles and brothers-in-law in hot pursuit, or the colony leader putting a bounty on the escapee’s head. Mostly a bureaucratic escape with some border snags tossed in to build suspense.)
She DOES return to Colonial LeBaron for her father’s funeral, and there forgives her psychopathically violent father (he actually maimed her for life when she was 2 by throwing her across the room, causing some kind of facial damage, and when she was 12? 13? when he beat her in the face with a rake. He also gave her 7 or 8 lashes with his big Cowboy belt once, and she thought she was done for. She feared being in the same house he was in) when one of her half-brothers reads “a letter from Dad” where the violence is explained away by telling the crowd that “he was so hard on his kids because he wanted them to be successful.” I found this part to be a little stomach tuning myself, until I checked my judge-y half and reminded myself that the culture/society in which the author was raised is one where all violence, neglect, mistreatment, depravation of children (and their moms) is seen as virtuous and necessary in order to prove that the father can be trusted with serious matters when he goes to the Celestial Kingdom, and that his children will not stray from nor defy the teachings and direction of the cult’s leadership. In this way, the children will “find success” as part of some weird prosperity- gospel where if you don the hair shirt and take a beating often enough, Heavenly Father will reward you with your own drywall company and cache of obedient wives. And the lucky beaten women will bear the lash to receive a successful, virtuous husband. So, you see—-everybody wins. This teaching runs deep within that cult, and I can imagine how the “hindsight is 20/20” crew see how those beatings have led them to their successful lives today, though I don’t think correlation is causation.
I think this book would’ve benefitted more with LESS input from AI/failed-romance-writer ghostwriter. I would’ve LOVED hearing this story in the author’s own voice (I KNOW she would done better than the reader chosen by audible, whose Mexican accent sounded suspiciously Russian and James Bond-y). Therefore, I’d probably rank it higher if I’d read it in book form
Maybe it’s because I listened to this book as an audio NOT read by the author, but this book SUCKED. Constant repetition of descriptions of people’s looks, eg “Mama’s thick brown hair,” or “her cat-like eyes” or “daddy’s smell of leather, Old Spice, and Ivory Soap” (I will forever remember her father’s scent because its frequent recitation in the narrative has burned itself onto my eardrums. If that’s not creepy…); nearly every dialogue she has with her husband (raised in Mexico and half mexican) begins with her husband growling, “Rena…”(the author’s familial name), immediately followed by either her stomach dropping or tears falling from her (or his!) eyes. Often her stomach did flips, or she padded somewhere on the soft dusty, ground. I got so tired of the forced-emotional tone that i started tuning out the actual story, distracted by the repeat-yet-generic descriptions. (FYI—in spite of the non-stop physical descriptions of people, it was nearly impossible for the listener to tell them all apart. Having benefit of a picture section is one way the physical book will always reign supreme).
Some of the best writing comes at the end, where the author and her young adult children open a house cleaning service in Minnesota after they escape from polygamy (which, tbh, wasn’t that dramatic. She wanted a divorce from her narcissistic husband, her dad said OK, helped her get documents together, and sent her on her way to America. Not the usual FLDS cult escape story with husbands and uncles and brothers-in-law in hot pursuit, or the colony leader putting a bounty on the escapee’s head. Mostly a bureaucratic escape with some border snags tossed in to build suspense.)
She DOES return to Colonial LeBaron for her father’s funeral, and there forgives her psychopathically violent father (he actually maimed her for life when she was 2 by throwing her across the room, causing some kind of facial damage, and when she was 12? 13? when he beat her in the face with a rake. He also gave her 7 or 8 lashes with his big Cowboy belt once, and she thought she was done for. She feared being in the same house he was in) when one of her half-brothers reads “a letter from Dad” where the violence is explained away by telling the crowd that “he was so hard on his kids because he wanted them to be successful.” I found this part to be a little stomach tuning myself, until I checked my judge-y half and reminded myself that the culture/society in which the author was raised is one where all violence, neglect, mistreatment, depravation of children (and their moms) is seen as virtuous and necessary in order to prove that the father can be trusted with serious matters when he goes to the Celestial Kingdom, and that his children will not stray from nor defy the teachings and direction of the cult’s leadership. In this way, the children will “find success” as part of some weird prosperity- gospel where if you don the hair shirt and take a beating often enough, Heavenly Father will reward you with your own drywall company and cache of obedient wives. And the lucky beaten women will bear the lash to receive a successful, virtuous husband. So, you see—-everybody wins. This teaching runs deep within that cult, and I can imagine how the “hindsight is 20/20” crew see how those beatings have led them to their successful lives today, though I don’t think correlation is causation.
I think this book would’ve benefitted more with LESS input from AI/failed-romance-writer ghostwriter. I would’ve LOVED hearing this story in the author’s own voice (I KNOW she would done better than the reader chosen by audible, whose Mexican accent sounded suspiciously Russian and James Bond-y). Therefore, I’d probably rank it higher if I’d read it in book form
October 17, 2025
Thank you NetGalley for this Arc!
Never judge a book by its cover. And by this I mean someone’s lifestyle. Some are born into it while others choose to adapt to it. This story took us through what Pamela went through while living a polygamous lifestyle. Not everyone is able to get out of their situations. But she was and she did it. The last sentence in this audio was absolutely amazing. I won’t say it because I don’t want to ruin anything. But this was definitely worth the read
Never judge a book by its cover. And by this I mean someone’s lifestyle. Some are born into it while others choose to adapt to it. This story took us through what Pamela went through while living a polygamous lifestyle. Not everyone is able to get out of their situations. But she was and she did it. The last sentence in this audio was absolutely amazing. I won’t say it because I don’t want to ruin anything. But this was definitely worth the read
November 6, 2025
read this book on the suggestion of a girl julia and i met at an authors event—and was a little disappointed to be honest. felt a lot more tell than show. a lot of “i was abused in xyz ways, and it was really hard, and then i was confident enough to leave!” but of course don’t want to minimize the religious trauma of a memoir, so 3 stars it is
October 15, 2025
Intriguing memoir of a girl growing up in a polygamous Mormon cult, marrying into a polygamous family, having 7 children, and then bravely leaving to start a new life! Lots of intimate insights into that life. This woman with little education and having been taught to be quiet and submissive, took her children and started a new independent life. She is very honest and open.
August 29, 2025
This memoir shared such an inspiring story and was very informative, shedding light into what it is like to grow up in a cult. I flew through this in a few day because I was so invested in the story.
My only critique would be that at times I felt like the book could have been a bit clearer in terms of the timeline of events.
The audiobook narrator did a great job conveying the emotion behind the story.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for providing an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
My only critique would be that at times I felt like the book could have been a bit clearer in terms of the timeline of events.
The audiobook narrator did a great job conveying the emotion behind the story.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for providing an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
October 2, 2025
This was a heartbreaking and inspiring read. It was hard to hear everything Pamela had to endure from such a young age. She is such a strong woman and I'm so glad she managed to get out with all of her kids. I did struggle to understand her forgiveness of some people in her life. I don't think I would have been able to.
No matter how many books I read on these extreme religious cults I still can't fully wrap my brain around them. This was a detailed look into their way of life and the trauma that comes with being raised in that setting.
There is more about her life before her escape and it would have been nice to see more of her free life.
The narration was excellent and the book flows really well.
I read an alc
No matter how many books I read on these extreme religious cults I still can't fully wrap my brain around them. This was a detailed look into their way of life and the trauma that comes with being raised in that setting.
There is more about her life before her escape and it would have been nice to see more of her free life.
The narration was excellent and the book flows really well.
I read an alc
September 8, 2025
I got about two minutes into the audiobook and had to turn it off. the narrator's voice sounds exactly like the automated tiktok voice and that's not something I want to have to describe anything as serious as this subject matter.
November 14, 2025
61-9-5-1. The number of siblings, children, sister wives, and dreams held by one Pamela Jones, one daughter out of many living in a polygamous fundamentalist Mormon cult, forever moving between rural compounds in the United States and Mexico. Raised from birth to believe her only worth was in bearing children and serving her husband along side other wives, Pamela's childhood was one of fear, repression, deprivation, abuse, and poverty. Beyond escaping the watchful eyes of those who might save her and her many siblings, the family also did their best to stay ahead of another, greater fear: Ervil LeBaron, aka “The Mormon Charles Manson”—the cult’s frightening leader whose brutal blood atonements left a trail of bodies in his wake.
Married and pregnant before she saw her sixteenth birthday, Pamela found herself isolated more than ever, with her strict husband forbidding her contact with the outside world even as he left to date and woo "sister" after "sister" for her. Though Pamela feared the death and blood atonement of the cult leaders more than anything, by the turn of the millennium she'd had enough. Taking two credit cards, a $5 bill from her husband's pants in the laundry, and two trucks, she and her children fled for the border and a new life in America - a feat for anyone, but especially a girl with a fifth-grade education and a fledgling sense of freedom. Now a business owner and self-made millionaire, Pamela recounts her life, and the self-belief, hope, and resistance it took to break free.
This was an incredibly harrowing book, and my heart goes out to not only Pamela Jones and her family, but for those still remaining in her community and those that have as yet been undiscovered. It's hard to imagine the kind of mental resilience one would need to have to bend without breaking away from a lifetime of indoctrination, expectation, and abuse - and to thrive in a world that must have been akin to an alien planet once freed. That she did it while somehow caring for a household of children, each with their own needs, feelings, traumas, and desires, is all the wilder.
I think one of the things that stood out most to me in throughout this book was Pamela's willingness to forgive those who had wronged her - her husband, her mother, her father, and even the systems of justice which should have recognized her struggle and done something about it (on this last point, this gets nary a mention in the book, which I thought was surprising having read several other memoirs of cult experiences). I don't think I could forgive the people who kept me snared in a lifetime of misery and servitude, but then again, that's why we read memoirs, and why I think they're important - to hear someone's story in their own words is to challenge out own beliefs, and question how something we could not imagine could come to pass. I hope Pamela always finds love and acceptance wherever she goes, and applaud her bravery in the face of endless evil.
Married and pregnant before she saw her sixteenth birthday, Pamela found herself isolated more than ever, with her strict husband forbidding her contact with the outside world even as he left to date and woo "sister" after "sister" for her. Though Pamela feared the death and blood atonement of the cult leaders more than anything, by the turn of the millennium she'd had enough. Taking two credit cards, a $5 bill from her husband's pants in the laundry, and two trucks, she and her children fled for the border and a new life in America - a feat for anyone, but especially a girl with a fifth-grade education and a fledgling sense of freedom. Now a business owner and self-made millionaire, Pamela recounts her life, and the self-belief, hope, and resistance it took to break free.
This was an incredibly harrowing book, and my heart goes out to not only Pamela Jones and her family, but for those still remaining in her community and those that have as yet been undiscovered. It's hard to imagine the kind of mental resilience one would need to have to bend without breaking away from a lifetime of indoctrination, expectation, and abuse - and to thrive in a world that must have been akin to an alien planet once freed. That she did it while somehow caring for a household of children, each with their own needs, feelings, traumas, and desires, is all the wilder.
I think one of the things that stood out most to me in throughout this book was Pamela's willingness to forgive those who had wronged her - her husband, her mother, her father, and even the systems of justice which should have recognized her struggle and done something about it (on this last point, this gets nary a mention in the book, which I thought was surprising having read several other memoirs of cult experiences). I don't think I could forgive the people who kept me snared in a lifetime of misery and servitude, but then again, that's why we read memoirs, and why I think they're important - to hear someone's story in their own words is to challenge out own beliefs, and question how something we could not imagine could come to pass. I hope Pamela always finds love and acceptance wherever she goes, and applaud her bravery in the face of endless evil.
September 3, 2025
Well written and heart rending. I enjoy reading nonfiction that dives into life. Although stories like this a re so sad to see what trauma a person has been through Pamela Jones did a great job bringing it all to life and overcoming everything she experienced.
Sixty-one siblings. Five sister wives. Nine children. And one carefully hidden dream: To escape the violent, misogynistic, fundamentalist Mormon cult that kept Pamela Jones perpetually pregnant, broken, and brutalized.
Today, Pamela Jones is a self-made millionaire and successful CEO. But growing up, she never could have imagined her life would turn out that way. From a young age, she was told her only purpose in life was to be her husband’s handmaid and bear him as many children as possible. While she endured fear, poverty, deprivation, and abuse, her family constantly moved between rural desert compounds in the United States and Mexico, one step ahead of the law and one step ahead of Ervil LeBaron, aka “The Mormon Charles Manson”—the cult’s frightening leader whose brutal blood atonements left a trail of bodies in his wake.
By the time she was newly married at fifteen, Pamela’s husband forbade her any contact with outsiders, including her own family. She’d been raised to believe that her throat would be slit and her blood sprinkled on the soil if she ever tried to escape. But in 2000 at age thirty-four, she knew that if she and her children didn’t escape, they would die.
The Dirt Beneath the Door follows their desperate flight across the Mexican border with only the clothes on their backs, two vehicles and two tanks of gas, a five-dollar bill, and two credit cards her husband had secretly taken out in her name. Once settling in Minnesota, Pamela must use her own resilience and grit as a mother to support her children and build an independent life for her family with less than a fifth-grade education–all while exploring the life and liberties that had been denied to her for so long.
An unforgettable testament to the power of hope and resilience, The Dirt Beneath Our Door is an epic and harrowing tale of finding freedom, believing in yourself, and achieving the American Dream.
Sixty-one siblings. Five sister wives. Nine children. And one carefully hidden dream: To escape the violent, misogynistic, fundamentalist Mormon cult that kept Pamela Jones perpetually pregnant, broken, and brutalized.
Today, Pamela Jones is a self-made millionaire and successful CEO. But growing up, she never could have imagined her life would turn out that way. From a young age, she was told her only purpose in life was to be her husband’s handmaid and bear him as many children as possible. While she endured fear, poverty, deprivation, and abuse, her family constantly moved between rural desert compounds in the United States and Mexico, one step ahead of the law and one step ahead of Ervil LeBaron, aka “The Mormon Charles Manson”—the cult’s frightening leader whose brutal blood atonements left a trail of bodies in his wake.
By the time she was newly married at fifteen, Pamela’s husband forbade her any contact with outsiders, including her own family. She’d been raised to believe that her throat would be slit and her blood sprinkled on the soil if she ever tried to escape. But in 2000 at age thirty-four, she knew that if she and her children didn’t escape, they would die.
The Dirt Beneath the Door follows their desperate flight across the Mexican border with only the clothes on their backs, two vehicles and two tanks of gas, a five-dollar bill, and two credit cards her husband had secretly taken out in her name. Once settling in Minnesota, Pamela must use her own resilience and grit as a mother to support her children and build an independent life for her family with less than a fifth-grade education–all while exploring the life and liberties that had been denied to her for so long.
An unforgettable testament to the power of hope and resilience, The Dirt Beneath Our Door is an epic and harrowing tale of finding freedom, believing in yourself, and achieving the American Dream.
August 29, 2025
This book left me absolutely speechless. The Dirt Beneath Our Door is one of the most powerful memoirs I’ve listened to in a long time, and I know it’s a story that will stay with me forever. Pamela Jones takes us into a world I can not wrap my head around, a life of fear, control, and unimaginable hardship inside a fundamentalist cult. Sixty-one siblings, five sister wives, constant running, and the looming threat of violence… I found myself listening with my heart in my throat.
But what struck me most was Pamela herself, her courage, her grit, and the fierce love she had for her children. The way she found the strength to escape, and then to build a new life from almost nothing, is nothing short of extraordinary. I was moved to tears more than once, but I was also filled with so much admiration. Her story is not just one of survival, but of resilience, hope, and the unshakable belief that life could be different.
This memoir is heartbreaking, inspiring, and deeply human. Pamela’s voice shines with honesty and bravery, and I feel honored to have read her journey. A story like this changes the way you look at life, at freedom, and at what it means to keep fighting no matter the odds.
But what struck me most was Pamela herself, her courage, her grit, and the fierce love she had for her children. The way she found the strength to escape, and then to build a new life from almost nothing, is nothing short of extraordinary. I was moved to tears more than once, but I was also filled with so much admiration. Her story is not just one of survival, but of resilience, hope, and the unshakable belief that life could be different.
This memoir is heartbreaking, inspiring, and deeply human. Pamela’s voice shines with honesty and bravery, and I feel honored to have read her journey. A story like this changes the way you look at life, at freedom, and at what it means to keep fighting no matter the odds.
September 4, 2025
I love a good cult memoir, and sadly, this did not do it for me. Pamela Jones grew up in a fundamentalist Mormon cult in Mexico, and she experienced physical and emotional abuse from her father and husband. She eventually escaped the cult with her nine children, where she worked her butt off to eventually build a million dollar business. Her story is impressive, and an example of human resilience. However, it just didn't work well for me as a book. I think I struggled because the author wrote in a way that told the reader how to feel about people, so you are being told to feel rather than just feeling it. The author also does a quick 180 toward the end about her feelings about her father. I understand that abusive parents cause a whole conflict of emotions that I have not experienced, but the author did not guide us through her thought process and again, just told us that she had forgiven her father.
Thank you to Brilliance Publishing for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Brilliance Publishing for an audio ARC in exchange for an honest review.
December 23, 2025
2.5 rounded up. This needed a good editor to help with pacing - the details in the childhood do not pay off in fully explaining why she stayed in her marriage so long, even if she was raised in the cult. Easily could reallocate 200 pages about how poor and ignored she was in childhood and spent more time understanding how her dad came around to helping her escape and continuing a relationship with her. She also dramatized the escape and I get why (to sell books) but the last half is very anti climatic. How did her children do adjusting to the new culture? How did her relationship with the church evolve? Did her siblings escape? Did they treat her differently because she divorced? Did she tell nieces they have other options or what she cut off from those family members? Were her mom and dad together in the end? She explained how she went from married to wanting to escape but never how that then impacted her past relationships. It was fascinating in learning people live that way but also boring. Also soo many name and families haha can be hard to track
September 6, 2025
Many thanks to NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing for gifting me an audio ARC of this memoir by Pamela Jones, narrated by Carrier Brewer. All opinions expressed in this review are my own - 4.5 stars!
Pamela Jones grew up in a violent and misogynistic fundamentalist Mormon cult that kept her constantly pregnant and broken. She has 61 siblings, 5 sister wives, and 9 children. This is the story of how she escaped and became a self-made millionaire.
I was anxious to listen to this story after watching the documentary, Daughters of the Cult, from a different branch of this same evil, violent cult. I'm always amazed at the horrors people commit in the name of religion, and Pamela's father's brutal beatings were an example. It's the story of being able to pull strength of character out when you've been bullied and belittled your own life. Pamela's grit and resilience to make a new, better life for herself and her children was inspiring.
Pamela Jones grew up in a violent and misogynistic fundamentalist Mormon cult that kept her constantly pregnant and broken. She has 61 siblings, 5 sister wives, and 9 children. This is the story of how she escaped and became a self-made millionaire.
I was anxious to listen to this story after watching the documentary, Daughters of the Cult, from a different branch of this same evil, violent cult. I'm always amazed at the horrors people commit in the name of religion, and Pamela's father's brutal beatings were an example. It's the story of being able to pull strength of character out when you've been bullied and belittled your own life. Pamela's grit and resilience to make a new, better life for herself and her children was inspiring.
September 6, 2025
I read a lot of books about cults and in particular about FLDS, so when I spotted this audiobook on NetGalley I eagerly requested.
We meet Pamela on the Mexico/US border willing agent Maguire to let her escape to the US from her polygamous marriage and to the land of milk and honey and gentiles.
We soon look back on her childhood, the hopeful escape plan, the dreams of being a first wife and the dawning realisation when her husband brought a date to their wedding, that this wasn’t the better life she had hoped for. 9 kids, 5 sister wives later and her father’s help we see her escape to the US, initially struggle with cutting existing ties in Utah to the life she lived and the people she knows. She finally made her own mark, her own living and and her own way in the world.
It was an interesting read, shedding further light on the FLDS branches in Mexico. I just felt there was something missing and it was was a bit rushed in the end
We meet Pamela on the Mexico/US border willing agent Maguire to let her escape to the US from her polygamous marriage and to the land of milk and honey and gentiles.
We soon look back on her childhood, the hopeful escape plan, the dreams of being a first wife and the dawning realisation when her husband brought a date to their wedding, that this wasn’t the better life she had hoped for. 9 kids, 5 sister wives later and her father’s help we see her escape to the US, initially struggle with cutting existing ties in Utah to the life she lived and the people she knows. She finally made her own mark, her own living and and her own way in the world.
It was an interesting read, shedding further light on the FLDS branches in Mexico. I just felt there was something missing and it was was a bit rushed in the end
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 6, 2025
4.25 🌟 rounded down
Memoirs narrated by the author are one of my favorite types of audiobooks. This offers a really fascinating look into polygamy, sister wives, and the abuse that tends to pervade that culture.
Pamela's story is absolutely wild. If I had sixty-one siblings, I would lose my mind. Just the one brother is more than enough for me, thanks. And her husband, what a giant POS he is. The manipulations and grooming presented here were just astounding. I'm glad she was able to escape. My only complaint about the book is that I wish there were more about her life after the cult, and more about her children after leaving. Perhaps they didn't want to be prominently featured for privacy reasons, which is understandable. I hope Pamela and her children can heal from all of this, and I'm glad she was able to break the cycle.
Recommended for fans of memoirs about religious cults.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing for the ALC.
Memoirs narrated by the author are one of my favorite types of audiobooks. This offers a really fascinating look into polygamy, sister wives, and the abuse that tends to pervade that culture.
Pamela's story is absolutely wild. If I had sixty-one siblings, I would lose my mind. Just the one brother is more than enough for me, thanks. And her husband, what a giant POS he is. The manipulations and grooming presented here were just astounding. I'm glad she was able to escape. My only complaint about the book is that I wish there were more about her life after the cult, and more about her children after leaving. Perhaps they didn't want to be prominently featured for privacy reasons, which is understandable. I hope Pamela and her children can heal from all of this, and I'm glad she was able to break the cycle.
Recommended for fans of memoirs about religious cults.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing for the ALC.
September 9, 2025
good look at polygamy and the aftermath
Have read several books about life in the compound owned by the Lebarons. Pamala’s aunts by marriage (the wives of her exes uncle Verlan) and two of his cousins (the daughters of Joel and Ervil) have all written books discriminating their lives living at Colonia Lebaron. Pamala tells an interesting tale. Growing up she was one of the daughters of Ossmen Jones a friend and right hand man to the Lebaron brothers. As Pamala grew up she had a crush on Verlans eldest son by his second wife Irene Andre. Instead at 15 she married his cousin David the son of eldest brother Alma Jr. She did not have an easy marriage between the pregnancies and the other marriages. In 2000 she decided to get out and made a daring escape with her kids. She didn’t have an easy time of it at first but eventually parlayed her experiences into a successful business. Found this to be a very fascinating look at the life of someone who escaped polygamy.
Have read several books about life in the compound owned by the Lebarons. Pamala’s aunts by marriage (the wives of her exes uncle Verlan) and two of his cousins (the daughters of Joel and Ervil) have all written books discriminating their lives living at Colonia Lebaron. Pamala tells an interesting tale. Growing up she was one of the daughters of Ossmen Jones a friend and right hand man to the Lebaron brothers. As Pamala grew up she had a crush on Verlans eldest son by his second wife Irene Andre. Instead at 15 she married his cousin David the son of eldest brother Alma Jr. She did not have an easy marriage between the pregnancies and the other marriages. In 2000 she decided to get out and made a daring escape with her kids. She didn’t have an easy time of it at first but eventually parlayed her experiences into a successful business. Found this to be a very fascinating look at the life of someone who escaped polygamy.
September 11, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (4.5 rounded down)
This memoir floored me with its honesty. Pamela Jones recounts her life inside a polygamous Mormon cult and her fight for freedom with a mix of heartbreak, clarity, and strength. What makes it stand out is how deeply psychological it feels—Jones doesn’t just share events, she captures the emotional and mental weight of control and indoctrination.
The audiobook narration by Carrie Brewer is outstanding. Her compassionate delivery matches the tone of Jones’s writing and makes the heavy subject matter easier to take in while still honoring its intensity.
While it sometimes moves slower than a novel, the emotional depth and resilience at the heart of this story make it unforgettable. A tough but essential read for anyone interested in survival memoirs, psychology, or stories of reclaiming identity.
This memoir floored me with its honesty. Pamela Jones recounts her life inside a polygamous Mormon cult and her fight for freedom with a mix of heartbreak, clarity, and strength. What makes it stand out is how deeply psychological it feels—Jones doesn’t just share events, she captures the emotional and mental weight of control and indoctrination.
The audiobook narration by Carrie Brewer is outstanding. Her compassionate delivery matches the tone of Jones’s writing and makes the heavy subject matter easier to take in while still honoring its intensity.
While it sometimes moves slower than a novel, the emotional depth and resilience at the heart of this story make it unforgettable. A tough but essential read for anyone interested in survival memoirs, psychology, or stories of reclaiming identity.
August 12, 2025
Gah! I just finished this after devouring it for two days, and I have SO MANY THOUGHTS swirling around in my brain!
The Dirt Beneath Our Door was wonderful. Gripping, intense, reflective, and powerful. It’s an ode to a woman’s strength and to her love for her children.
I liked that this book wasn’t as graphic as some memoirs. There was violence and abuse, but it didn’t feel like Pamela included it for the shock factor; every instance was followed my reflection and response.
The only negative for me was how chaotic it was. I could never keep track of where Rina was living and who all the people were.
The Dirt Beneath Our Door was wonderful. Gripping, intense, reflective, and powerful. It’s an ode to a woman’s strength and to her love for her children.
I liked that this book wasn’t as graphic as some memoirs. There was violence and abuse, but it didn’t feel like Pamela included it for the shock factor; every instance was followed my reflection and response.
The only negative for me was how chaotic it was. I could never keep track of where Rina was living and who all the people were.
December 4, 2025
his woman is a lot more forgiving than I am. That is not a positive. It is ok to reach the end of your story and acknowledge that those people raised you and did a terrible job of parenting you. You can blame it on their upbringing but you dont need to forgive them. Starving your kids to keep your wives on their toes isnt because of your upbringing. It is because you are at heart a bad person.
As usual with a Mom of too many kids, we got a lot of detail on her first born, some on her second son and then a list of names and birth dates for the rest of them. Her daughters got some shout outs at her Mom's death bed and in the acknowledgements.
As usual with a Mom of too many kids, we got a lot of detail on her first born, some on her second son and then a list of names and birth dates for the rest of them. Her daughters got some shout outs at her Mom's death bed and in the acknowledgements.
August 28, 2025
The comparison to 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 was all I needed to see before requesting this ARC. Pamela Jones’ account of her life growing up as one of 62 kids, escaping her dad’s control to marry at 15, her husband taking additional wives beginning after they'd been married 𝙖 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠, and then escaping him as well is truly fascinating. The title and this brief description is probably enough for you to know if you’d like to give this one a read! Audio is well done. I only got the heebie-jeebies one time, and that was during a difficult childbirth description.
September 3, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for this ARC (audiobook)
I love memoirs—people are insanely resilient. Pamela’s story immediately draws you in and you know that it’s going to be a heck of a story and you are definitely rooting for her. She doesn’t hold back & exposes the realities of being raised and then married in a religious cult. And although there is certainly heavy content it’s done in such a way that doesn’t weigh the reader down, as the author effortlessly embeds the spirit of hope into each story and chapter.
I love memoirs—people are insanely resilient. Pamela’s story immediately draws you in and you know that it’s going to be a heck of a story and you are definitely rooting for her. She doesn’t hold back & exposes the realities of being raised and then married in a religious cult. And although there is certainly heavy content it’s done in such a way that doesn’t weigh the reader down, as the author effortlessly embeds the spirit of hope into each story and chapter.
September 30, 2025
For folks who have read The Colony, Jones' personal story will fill in some of the human stories around the edges of that work. I am incredibly happy for her and her children, but it did feel like the balance of the storytelling was skewed too much toward her pre-escape, especially considering how the book starts. I wanted to get to share in her happiness, but maybe that's wanting to center my own experience too much in her very real life.
Anyway, you should read this if you're in to books about cults, escaping them, and/or female empowerment.
Thank you to NetGalley for this audioARC.
Anyway, you should read this if you're in to books about cults, escaping them, and/or female empowerment.
Thank you to NetGalley for this audioARC.
November 25, 2025
Hard to comprehend how this could exist
Have had business relationships with Mormon companies and always found them to be honest and forthright individuals. Yes, some had to drink alcoholic beverages when away from home, and that was the only "sinful" deviation observed. The polygamous cults that have made a whole new set of rules have no right call themselves Mormons! The men who run these cults are more like slave owners, and slavery in any form should be against the law. Thanks Rine for sharing your story to the world.
Have had business relationships with Mormon companies and always found them to be honest and forthright individuals. Yes, some had to drink alcoholic beverages when away from home, and that was the only "sinful" deviation observed. The polygamous cults that have made a whole new set of rules have no right call themselves Mormons! The men who run these cults are more like slave owners, and slavery in any form should be against the law. Thanks Rine for sharing your story to the world.
December 6, 2025
5⭐️ - this book dives deep into what it is like to be part of polygamous cult. It is a great book, super informative, but it is heartbreaking how the author was treated throughout her time in the cult.
That said, the author is a strong woman full of determination. Even when things were hard for her family, she found ways to make ends meet. She even found a way out, escaping with her children.
I really enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it for those who like memoirs that go deep and aren’t all sunshines and rainbows.
That said, the author is a strong woman full of determination. Even when things were hard for her family, she found ways to make ends meet. She even found a way out, escaping with her children.
I really enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it for those who like memoirs that go deep and aren’t all sunshines and rainbows.
July 28, 2025
4.75/5⭐️
What a story, my mind is blown and I literally cannot stop thinking about this book. Born into polygamous, poor and abusive cult, the story follows “Rinas” life and how eventually she is able to escape. “The cult had been founded on patriarchy and misogyny,
and once I came of age, I'd
become another commodity to
be bought, traded, or sold in order to satisfy male desires.”
Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
What a story, my mind is blown and I literally cannot stop thinking about this book. Born into polygamous, poor and abusive cult, the story follows “Rinas” life and how eventually she is able to escape. “The cult had been founded on patriarchy and misogyny,
and once I came of age, I'd
become another commodity to
be bought, traded, or sold in order to satisfy male desires.”
Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
August 28, 2025
Audiobook. Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for this ARC. This was a very eye opening book about religious cults. Filled with sister wives and tons of siblings. It showed how easy the Bible can be misconstrued and taken out of context. I feel so bad for the children that grow up this way, and for the wives who tried to find true love. I’m glad that Pamela got away from this life and succeeded in life. I loved the narrator.
September 7, 2025
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the early read. This was a difficult story to hear - it is hard to imagine people living (let alone escaping) circumstances like these. Fringe religious groups are so interesting to me. Pamela’s story is one that I will not soon forget. Inspiring to know that through the power of God, she was able to escape!
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