What do you think?
Rate this book
Getting Relationships Right: How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work
Best-selling author, psychologist, and relationship coach Melanie Joy shares the principles and tools that can make any relationship, from personal to professional, healthier and more resilient.
Relationships are complicated. Yet, it’s an unfortunate reality that while most of us have to learn complex geometry that we’ll probably never use, we don’t get a single formal lesson in how to relate to others. In this one-stop guide, psychologist Melanie Joy reveals the common psychological dynamics that underlie all kinds of relationships - with a romantic partner, friends, family members, colleagues - in short, with anyone in any situation. Understanding these dynamics will help you make all your relationships healthier and more resilient.
Relationships are like They get sick when their immune system is weaker than the germs that stress them. Drawing on the most relevant research as well as on her own extensive experience as a psychologist, Joy explains how to strengthen your relational immune system to resist not only interpersonal stressors but also largely invisible yet potentially devastating societal stressors like racism and sexism. With this understanding, you can cultivate relationships that consistently reflect core moral values and honor the dignity of everyone involved. Resilient relationships are not only a source of joy and fulfillment for those who are in them, they also support the thriving of the organizations and communities of which we all are a part.
Relationships are complicated. Yet, it’s an unfortunate reality that while most of us have to learn complex geometry that we’ll probably never use, we don’t get a single formal lesson in how to relate to others. In this one-stop guide, psychologist Melanie Joy reveals the common psychological dynamics that underlie all kinds of relationships - with a romantic partner, friends, family members, colleagues - in short, with anyone in any situation. Understanding these dynamics will help you make all your relationships healthier and more resilient.
Relationships are like They get sick when their immune system is weaker than the germs that stress them. Drawing on the most relevant research as well as on her own extensive experience as a psychologist, Joy explains how to strengthen your relational immune system to resist not only interpersonal stressors but also largely invisible yet potentially devastating societal stressors like racism and sexism. With this understanding, you can cultivate relationships that consistently reflect core moral values and honor the dignity of everyone involved. Resilient relationships are not only a source of joy and fulfillment for those who are in them, they also support the thriving of the organizations and communities of which we all are a part.
Audible Audio
Published January 29, 2020
34 people are currently reading
241 people want to read
About the author
Melanie Joy
9 books386 followersMelanie Joy is an award-winning psychologist, bestselling author, and internationally recognized voice on the psychology of social transformation, relationships, and emotional resilience. She’s written seven nonfiction books, which have been published or contracted in 23 languages, and she’s the eighth recipient of the Ahimsa Award—previously given to the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela—for her work on global nonviolence.
With her trademark blend of intellect, heart, and humor, she brings a fresh perspective to fiction in her new book, "A Half-Hearted Death Wish"—a bighearted, quirky, and thought-provoking debut novel.
You can learn more about her at melaniejoy.org.
With her trademark blend of intellect, heart, and humor, she brings a fresh perspective to fiction in her new book, "A Half-Hearted Death Wish"—a bighearted, quirky, and thought-provoking debut novel.
You can learn more about her at melaniejoy.org.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
April 20, 2020
Unfortunately, most of us don't learn how to lead healthy relationships. Although it is such an important part of our lives.
There have been many good books written about this topic, but Melanie Joy's Getting Relationships Right really drives the point home and is a comprehensive guide to relationships in every aspect of life.
I will definitely read this book more than once and can only recommend it to everyone.
Relationships are what makes our lives great. So it is really worth it to try and get better at them.
There have been many good books written about this topic, but Melanie Joy's Getting Relationships Right really drives the point home and is a comprehensive guide to relationships in every aspect of life.
I will definitely read this book more than once and can only recommend it to everyone.
Relationships are what makes our lives great. So it is really worth it to try and get better at them.
April 1, 2020
As a couples therapist, I’ve read A LOT of relationship books. This is my new favorite! A beautiful integration, and practical application, of the best research, written for the general public (and therapists too!) with examples from friendships, work relationships, family, and romantic relationships we can all relate to. I will be sharing with everyone!
April 6, 2021
A practical book with both theories and tools on building resilience and creating changes in interpersonal relationships. While it's not any ground-breaking discovery, this book is worth of greater recognition of its value for general audience to have a solid framework to understand how interpersonal relationship works, and how myths (e.g. Love me or Leave Me; Don't try to change me) create unhealthy patterns. Worth your money than the regular best-selling self-help book.
If you come to this page looking for more insights on why the same old pattern of conflicts happen in interpersonal relationship, I will recommend Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.
If you come to this page looking for more insights on why the same old pattern of conflicts happen in interpersonal relationship, I will recommend Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.
November 29, 2021
I wish I had read this book when I was 13, not 33! It could've saved me a lot of agonizing over relationships and interactions with partners, family, friends and even colleagues. Even though I had some underlying understanding of the need for both connection and security in all kinds of relationships, being able to put a name to what I'm feeling and needing and having the vocabulary and knowledge to communicate that to others has been game-changing. If everyone practiced the fundamental principles shared in this book, the world would be a much kinder, more stable, and more harmonious place.
November 4, 2020
Another great book by Dr. Melanie Joy. As always the content is very well structured and clearly explained. Effective communication, managing emotions and healthy relational patterns should be taught in schools, unfortunately they're not. This book will help you up-level your relational literacy.
January 6, 2021
This is such an important book! It made me realize why my relationships (of all kinds) have often been suboptimal or have even fallen apart. I am so grateful to Melanie Joy for this book and I am sure that by implementing the practices I can improve my relationships in the future.
December 25, 2021
I just love Melanie Joy's work. So practical, sensible, compassionate. If only I could remember it all! Definitely a re-read potential. This book covers a multitude of explanations, suggestions, strategies for creating, understanding and building good relationships.
June 15, 2022
Everyone should read Melanie Joy!
April 9, 2023
Melanie Joy is insightful and perceptive. She provides clear guidance that resonates for different relationships. She understands what she writes about and is easy to follow.
October 15, 2023
Great Insights and perspectives - nicely & to the point
October 31, 2021
Great book. I really enjoyed how the author pointed out dysfunctional relationships. Particularly 'power-over' relationships and how she explained the trauma cycle.
I like how she doesn't blame the one who is repeated victimized - trapped in a trauma cycle. She never victim-shames or confers that someone has a victim mentality (choosing to be in a victim state - it's not that simple). She is clear is acknowledging - yes- one person in the relationship can be at fault, that one person can in fact be the only abuser. The 'it-takes-two to tango' mentality is criticized and in fact harmful. Some people are just that - abusive- destructive - and holding people in the grip of a trauma cycle.
The 'victim' often goes back into the relationship - trying to understand 'why' or rationalize things....or be manipulated (gaslighted) to believe their understanding of reality is wrong. Sometimes they go back to in hope for justice, which likely will never come, or if it does at the wrong time.
The end reflection is, some people are just not worth your time. Narcissists - who seek power/ control - who lack empathy....do exist (albeit, hurt people hurt). The author's advice is priceless. Just disconnect from them and walk away, don't look for justice, don't look for closure. Move on - find someone better. Remind yourself- you deserve to be loved, you deserve peace, remember to respect yourself.
I didn't read the entire book in order, but read through chapters that intrigued me. There were some good reflections I had, even if I didn't find the entire book useful.
I like how she doesn't blame the one who is repeated victimized - trapped in a trauma cycle. She never victim-shames or confers that someone has a victim mentality (choosing to be in a victim state - it's not that simple). She is clear is acknowledging - yes- one person in the relationship can be at fault, that one person can in fact be the only abuser. The 'it-takes-two to tango' mentality is criticized and in fact harmful. Some people are just that - abusive- destructive - and holding people in the grip of a trauma cycle.
The 'victim' often goes back into the relationship - trying to understand 'why' or rationalize things....or be manipulated (gaslighted) to believe their understanding of reality is wrong. Sometimes they go back to in hope for justice, which likely will never come, or if it does at the wrong time.
The end reflection is, some people are just not worth your time. Narcissists - who seek power/ control - who lack empathy....do exist (albeit, hurt people hurt). The author's advice is priceless. Just disconnect from them and walk away, don't look for justice, don't look for closure. Move on - find someone better. Remind yourself- you deserve to be loved, you deserve peace, remember to respect yourself.
I didn't read the entire book in order, but read through chapters that intrigued me. There were some good reflections I had, even if I didn't find the entire book useful.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews