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Vegan Vampire Vaginas
From the man who brought you VEGAN ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE and BOSTON POSH, comes...
VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS
The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can't remember pulling it off. And no, this isn't your standard case of amnesia.
After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.
Then his day gets worse:
Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.
Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he's the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.
He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.
With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he's living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .
But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else's life. Or is it?
Vegan Vampire Vaginas: A mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!
VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS
The biggest bank heist in US history. And Tom Palmer can't remember pulling it off. And no, this isn't your standard case of amnesia.
After a one-night-stand gone horribly wrong, Boston salesman Tom Palmer wakes up with a vagina implanted in his left hand.
Then his day gets worse:
Tom is transported across space-time to a nightmare version of Boston, one where the Bizarro virus has transformed half the population into cannibals.
Worst of all, Tom discovers that in this new Boston, he's the infamous gangster Pussypalm, wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago.
He also learns that the vagina in his hand is prophetic, i.e. it talks . . . after sex.
With 130 people left dead during his bank heist and six billion dollars missing, Tom knows he's living on borrowed time. It is in his best interests not to remember anything. Because once he does . . .
But then everything gets so much odder. Tom begins remembering what has to be someone else's life. Or is it?
Vegan Vampire Vaginas: A mind-bending trip through Bizarro America!
488 pages, Paperback
First published May 30, 2014
5 people are currently reading
460 people want to read
About the author
Wol-vriey
70 books202 followersWol-vriey writes eXXXtreme horror fiction, and also some surrealist stuff.
To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.
His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.
On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.
To date, he has published over forty novels in both genres.
His horror novels include: EnterPAINment, LGBT, The Virgin, Marriage, Women, Nightmare Fuel 1 & 2, Haunted House XXX 1 & 2, and How To Succeed in Life.
On the surrealist side of things, he is the author of Vegan Zombie Apocalypse, Vegan Vampire Vaginas, Vagina Mundi, and the disturbing and unsettling Dr. Orgasm.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
August 13, 2016
If trigger warnings were a mandatory thing that had to be slapped on books, this would be the warning label for Vegan Vampire Vaginas:
TRIGGER WARNINGS: ALL
Yes, that's right. ALL. There is something in this book that is bound to upset you. At the very least, there is something in this book that will make you feel very, very uncomfortable.
Really, you're probably not going to like this book.
If you've ever said to yourself while reading a book, "What kind of sick fuck comes up with this shit?"--start running now.
Seriously.
I've read three other works by Wol-vriey and like to think that I have an exceedingly high tolerance for the disgusting, the questionable, the taboo, the transgressive subject matter, and I have to admit I was at times a little put off by some of the stuff in this book. And I'm not talking about the typos. (But, hey, Burning Bulb Press, the typos were off-putting.)
By this point, if you're still in doubt about whether or not this might be something you'd like to read, follow this link and read about the Miller test:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller_test
This book wouldn't pass.
Okay, then, what's good about this book?
It's a highly inventive work, both in imagery and in its structure. In addition to including at least a mention of almost every single societal taboo at least once, the narrative itself takes turns that would be considered taboo by most storytellers. This book is truly an intriguing piece of experimental writing, if for no other reason than it's a piece of experimental writing that isn't boring--it actually carries you along as if you're reading a conventional adventure novel.
This book certainly isn't for everyone. But I'd recommend it to fans of the Bizarro genre and to connoisseurs of extreme outsider art.
3.69 stars rounded up to 4
Full Disclosure: The deranged author provided an electronic copy of this disgusting book in exchange for an honest/nonreciprocal review.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: ALL
Yes, that's right. ALL. There is something in this book that is bound to upset you. At the very least, there is something in this book that will make you feel very, very uncomfortable.
Really, you're probably not going to like this book.
If you've ever said to yourself while reading a book, "What kind of sick fuck comes up with this shit?"--start running now.
Seriously.
I've read three other works by Wol-vriey and like to think that I have an exceedingly high tolerance for the disgusting, the questionable, the taboo, the transgressive subject matter, and I have to admit I was at times a little put off by some of the stuff in this book. And I'm not talking about the typos. (But, hey, Burning Bulb Press, the typos were off-putting.)
By this point, if you're still in doubt about whether or not this might be something you'd like to read, follow this link and read about the Miller test:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miller_test
This book wouldn't pass.
Okay, then, what's good about this book?
It's a highly inventive work, both in imagery and in its structure. In addition to including at least a mention of almost every single societal taboo at least once, the narrative itself takes turns that would be considered taboo by most storytellers. This book is truly an intriguing piece of experimental writing, if for no other reason than it's a piece of experimental writing that isn't boring--it actually carries you along as if you're reading a conventional adventure novel.
This book certainly isn't for everyone. But I'd recommend it to fans of the Bizarro genre and to connoisseurs of extreme outsider art.
3.69 stars rounded up to 4
Full Disclosure: The deranged author provided an electronic copy of this disgusting book in exchange for an honest/nonreciprocal review.
August 26, 2015
If you’ve ever watched hardcore porn and thought to yourself “I would love to be able to have this in book form”, then please look no further than Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey. This book is 90% violence and porn…
Ok, 99% violence and porn. There’s no need to be modest, because Wol-vriey isn't the type to be modest, and I can dig it. When I read the first sex scene I had to read a couple of times because I didn't believe what happened, but somehow with the subsequent sex scenes, Wol-vriey was able to out-do himself every-damn-time (especially Poopie the Shit Monster. WTF).
The book follows Tom and he’s not having a great day, but a woman, Lynn makes herself available to Tom for a one-night stand, and shit hits the fan after that. Tom is framed as a long-time wanted killer and we follow his misguided and totally fucked up adventures, as well as follow other characters who all are...physically unique. It's like having those fevre dreams, except you're on acid and when you finally come down, you realized you just killed your family and you have no idea how any of it happened.
VVV is longer than most bizarro books I’ve read, and that's my main qualm with it. I felt like extra fat could have been cut or VVV could have been turned into a small series. I would say that if you’re finding the book boring in the first 12 or so pages, please keep going because once you hit the blow job scene, you’ll be hooked.
Wol-vriey was lovely enough to send a copy to me last year, but it was sent to me during a fucked up time in my life so I didn't get to it then, but I’m kicking myself for not reading it earlier. Thank you Wol-vriey for being so lovely and giving me a copy to review. I’m looking forward to purchasing a print copy when I start making dolla bills again, then I’ll be looking into reading the rest of Wol-vriey’s bibliography.
4.25/5 (just to be ultra specific).
Ok, 99% violence and porn. There’s no need to be modest, because Wol-vriey isn't the type to be modest, and I can dig it. When I read the first sex scene I had to read a couple of times because I didn't believe what happened, but somehow with the subsequent sex scenes, Wol-vriey was able to out-do himself every-damn-time (especially Poopie the Shit Monster. WTF).
The book follows Tom and he’s not having a great day, but a woman, Lynn makes herself available to Tom for a one-night stand, and shit hits the fan after that. Tom is framed as a long-time wanted killer and we follow his misguided and totally fucked up adventures, as well as follow other characters who all are...physically unique. It's like having those fevre dreams, except you're on acid and when you finally come down, you realized you just killed your family and you have no idea how any of it happened.
VVV is longer than most bizarro books I’ve read, and that's my main qualm with it. I felt like extra fat could have been cut or VVV could have been turned into a small series. I would say that if you’re finding the book boring in the first 12 or so pages, please keep going because once you hit the blow job scene, you’ll be hooked.
Wol-vriey was lovely enough to send a copy to me last year, but it was sent to me during a fucked up time in my life so I didn't get to it then, but I’m kicking myself for not reading it earlier. Thank you Wol-vriey for being so lovely and giving me a copy to review. I’m looking forward to purchasing a print copy when I start making dolla bills again, then I’ll be looking into reading the rest of Wol-vriey’s bibliography.
4.25/5 (just to be ultra specific).
December 5, 2015
It has taken a bit longer than usual for me to start this review. I could not simply whip one up without some processing first. While I have read quite a few of the author's books now, and knew what I was getting into to a degree, I really feel that the bar has been raised here. Wol-vriey has weaved so much into this twisted epic that I will be remembering the finer points indefinitely. It is a hilarious read, both brutal and disturbing, yet very strong in it's storytelling.
After a most interesting evening with a girl named Lynn (a great way to grab the reader immediately) Tom is transported to another version of Boston, much different from the one he is used to. There he is mistaken for an infamous criminal who has heisted 6 billion in gold, and promptly disappeared. There is a stunning range of characters here, and the way they connected, sometimes in a circular nature, worked to keep the reader guessing. Oversize plant women with blood sucking tentacles coming from their crotch, yellow skinned cannibals with transparent teeth and eyes, a 6 year old ruler who constantly sucks a drug-riddled lollipop, a cloudy layer above the city with an unpredictable array of odd creatures, and a functioning vagina embedded in a man's hand that can answer any question correctly after stimulation. I am really only scratching the surface here, so I am not giving too much away, but the locales are also of the same quality. One really has to have read the author to understand just how weird, shocking and off-the-wall it can be done while maintaining believability. I have already come to expect this, but I feel that this book is the best display of these skills I have seen from Wol-vriey so far.
I could go on some more, but I would hate to spoil anything, if I haven't already. One last thing to look forward to in the book: the finale is classic, and the chant at the end will have you shaking your head and laughing your ass off at the same time.
After a most interesting evening with a girl named Lynn (a great way to grab the reader immediately) Tom is transported to another version of Boston, much different from the one he is used to. There he is mistaken for an infamous criminal who has heisted 6 billion in gold, and promptly disappeared. There is a stunning range of characters here, and the way they connected, sometimes in a circular nature, worked to keep the reader guessing. Oversize plant women with blood sucking tentacles coming from their crotch, yellow skinned cannibals with transparent teeth and eyes, a 6 year old ruler who constantly sucks a drug-riddled lollipop, a cloudy layer above the city with an unpredictable array of odd creatures, and a functioning vagina embedded in a man's hand that can answer any question correctly after stimulation. I am really only scratching the surface here, so I am not giving too much away, but the locales are also of the same quality. One really has to have read the author to understand just how weird, shocking and off-the-wall it can be done while maintaining believability. I have already come to expect this, but I feel that this book is the best display of these skills I have seen from Wol-vriey so far.
I could go on some more, but I would hate to spoil anything, if I haven't already. One last thing to look forward to in the book: the finale is classic, and the chant at the end will have you shaking your head and laughing your ass off at the same time.
June 8, 2014
Wol-vriey is insane and I mean that in the best way possible. The thing I've learned is, when you read bizarro fiction, you need to go in with the mindset of: there are no rules and all of this makes sense...somehow. This is my favorite book of Wol-vriey's and I really, really enjoyed it. I stayed up until 3am to finish the damn thing. VVV kind of defies explanation but there are cannibals, dragons, heroin-filled lollipops, a man with two penises (penni?), and a telepathic race of vampire giants who absorb blood through their vaginas. HOW CAN THIS GO WRONG!?!
Look, I loved it! It kept my interest the entire time; it surprised me, grossed me out, and confused me. And, really, what more can you ask for from a book?
Look, I loved it! It kept my interest the entire time; it surprised me, grossed me out, and confused me. And, really, what more can you ask for from a book?
November 17, 2014
Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey Tom has been pulled into a different dimension after a blow-job gone wrong. Tom wakes to this new world with a vagina on his hand, no memory of who he is, wanted for stealing a crap-load of money from the wrong people and having sex with a married woman.
Can Tom get his memory back in order to survive tentacled vaginas, eaters, the king, a crazy dominatrix, and vegan vampires? Will he find out the story of the vagina on his palm?
For some reason I've found other Wol-vriey reads to be hard to understand or I just didn't get them. That's not the case with this one.
Even with all the extreme-ness of this sex and bodily function-fueled read, the scenarios and situations written within these pages held a story, folks, with an actual honest-to-goodness plot! This is one of a handful of bizarro reads that I've read recently that did not appear to be thrown together for gore and grossness' sake. *Insert Applause*
Don't get me wrong, this read is offensively improper and I should have worn a condom for my brain, but I survived. For those that like to push boundaries and have a fascination or obsession with va-jay-jays, give it a go. You might just like it. (That sounded dirty didn't it? Well, it is a dirty read. *wink*)
An overly imaginative 3 1/2 star read.
Can Tom get his memory back in order to survive tentacled vaginas, eaters, the king, a crazy dominatrix, and vegan vampires? Will he find out the story of the vagina on his palm?
For some reason I've found other Wol-vriey reads to be hard to understand or I just didn't get them. That's not the case with this one.
Even with all the extreme-ness of this sex and bodily function-fueled read, the scenarios and situations written within these pages held a story, folks, with an actual honest-to-goodness plot! This is one of a handful of bizarro reads that I've read recently that did not appear to be thrown together for gore and grossness' sake. *Insert Applause*
Don't get me wrong, this read is offensively improper and I should have worn a condom for my brain, but I survived. For those that like to push boundaries and have a fascination or obsession with va-jay-jays, give it a go. You might just like it. (That sounded dirty didn't it? Well, it is a dirty read. *wink*)
An overly imaginative 3 1/2 star read.
October 7, 2014
Just... wow.
I love Wol-vriey. I wish he was my neighbor, so we could jam together and discuss his writing over a nice dinner. He is just awesome.
This book is set on the same world as Boston Posh. Sort of. Actually, it begins on that world, but then it shifts to a alternate version (of an already alternate version of Boston). It follows the adventures of Tom, a man that after the worst one night stand EVER finds himself with a vagina on his palm, and a bounty on his head. Apparently, on that version of Boston, Tom is a dangerous criminal, that had escaped from the police after an ambitious heist. But things soon get WEIRRRD.
Tom is a relatable character (at least his "initial" version). We feel bad that he's caught in a completely different world and on a absurd situation, and has to improvise to survive.
This story has A LOT of details, and the book is quite big for a Bizarro book. But it's worth it, trust me. Wol-vriey writes the most fucked up shit out there.
"The pleasure of an orgasm mut never be measured against public opinion as to its propriety" - Chapter 14, "Vegan Vampire Vaginas"
I love Wol-vriey. I wish he was my neighbor, so we could jam together and discuss his writing over a nice dinner. He is just awesome.
This book is set on the same world as Boston Posh. Sort of. Actually, it begins on that world, but then it shifts to a alternate version (of an already alternate version of Boston). It follows the adventures of Tom, a man that after the worst one night stand EVER finds himself with a vagina on his palm, and a bounty on his head. Apparently, on that version of Boston, Tom is a dangerous criminal, that had escaped from the police after an ambitious heist. But things soon get WEIRRRD.
Tom is a relatable character (at least his "initial" version). We feel bad that he's caught in a completely different world and on a absurd situation, and has to improvise to survive.
This story has A LOT of details, and the book is quite big for a Bizarro book. But it's worth it, trust me. Wol-vriey writes the most fucked up shit out there.
"The pleasure of an orgasm mut never be measured against public opinion as to its propriety" - Chapter 14, "Vegan Vampire Vaginas"
May 29, 2015
4.5/5
This book went BEYOND my bizarro expectations! LOL just when I thought it couldnt cross another line.. it did. And I loved it!!!!! I will definitely buy a print version of this for my shelf. It was totally worth the read.
This book went BEYOND my bizarro expectations! LOL just when I thought it couldnt cross another line.. it did. And I loved it!!!!! I will definitely buy a print version of this for my shelf. It was totally worth the read.
June 9, 2014
Can’t get enough of Bizarro Boston? Apparently neither can author Wol-vriey, as he takes us back to Beanzarro Town in his latest full-length novel called “Vegan Vampire Vaginas.” In order to create his last bizarro masterpiece “Boston Posh,” Nigerian author Wol-vriey performed extensive research about the streets, buildings and neighborhoods of the City of Boston, so why let all that research material go to waste, right?
In “Vegan Vampire Vaginas,” the characters are different and the story is different, but the residents of futuristic Bizarro Boston still have to contend with dragons and other predatory creatures in order to survive their daily routines.
The story is a new take on the classic amnesia theme where the main character must come to grips with his forgotten past – in this case a mild-mannered vacuum salesman must learn about his past as a ruthless gangster who stole billions of dollars’ worth of gold from the city coffers. When Boston police identify him during a traffic stop, he claims he has no knowledge of the robbery... But he also has no explanation for the suspicious vagina implanted in his palm (this is a problem, because Boston’s Most Wanted gangster is commonly known as Pussypalm).
King Eric, the duly elected six-year-old ruler of Boston, is anxious to recover the city’s stash of gold and wants Pussypalm interrogated (i.e., tortured) to learn the location of the missing precious metal. Of course, if Pussypalm doesn’t remember robbing the bank vault, then how is he expected to remember where he hid the loot? Well, like the typical female orifice, the vagina on the gangster’s hand can’t keep its damned mouth shut and provides a post-coital verbal hint to the whereabouts of the gold.
During this time, a dark cloud has been hanging over the City of Boston. The cloud formation is called Bizarro (of course), and Pussypalm and a special team of police personnel must travel there to locate the buried treasure that the vanquished vagina had revealed.
Getting to the cloud proves easier than an Apple networked device, as the quest seekers simply take an elevator up to the top of a Bizarro-piercing skyscraper. But to reach the legendary stolen cache within the cloudscape, the group must overcome a number of bizarre obstacles, including gigantic pin-up models from the 1950’s and 1960’s with blood-sucking tentacles inside their private parts; jaundiced cannibals dressed like Walmart shoppers; vengeful water-proof psychic mensch statuary; heavy metal house pet transformers; carnivorous posies; rock candy avalanches; mind-spiders; an untrustworthy witch doctor; a M. C. Escher inspired Relativity Cave; and, well, you get my drift.
By the end of 470-page book, I believe you’ll agree that Wol-vriey continues to hone his craft of creating top-notch bizarro literature with this latest title. Bizarro Horror is still the key theme of “Vegan Vampire Vaginas,” but this particular novel also gives the reader a lot more humor and extreme erotica (if you think that’s even possible considering the pervasive perversions described within Wol-vriey’s “Boston Posh” and “Vegan Zombie Apocalypse”).
Consequently, if you’re looking for a typical horror story or some soft core erotica, this is NOT the book for you (listen up you timid housewives who enter every Goodreads giveaway). But if you enjoy over-the-top ground-breaking transgressive adult fiction, then you won’t regret checking out Wol-vriey’s epic-length “Vegan Vampire Vaginas.”
In “Vegan Vampire Vaginas,” the characters are different and the story is different, but the residents of futuristic Bizarro Boston still have to contend with dragons and other predatory creatures in order to survive their daily routines.
The story is a new take on the classic amnesia theme where the main character must come to grips with his forgotten past – in this case a mild-mannered vacuum salesman must learn about his past as a ruthless gangster who stole billions of dollars’ worth of gold from the city coffers. When Boston police identify him during a traffic stop, he claims he has no knowledge of the robbery... But he also has no explanation for the suspicious vagina implanted in his palm (this is a problem, because Boston’s Most Wanted gangster is commonly known as Pussypalm).
King Eric, the duly elected six-year-old ruler of Boston, is anxious to recover the city’s stash of gold and wants Pussypalm interrogated (i.e., tortured) to learn the location of the missing precious metal. Of course, if Pussypalm doesn’t remember robbing the bank vault, then how is he expected to remember where he hid the loot? Well, like the typical female orifice, the vagina on the gangster’s hand can’t keep its damned mouth shut and provides a post-coital verbal hint to the whereabouts of the gold.
During this time, a dark cloud has been hanging over the City of Boston. The cloud formation is called Bizarro (of course), and Pussypalm and a special team of police personnel must travel there to locate the buried treasure that the vanquished vagina had revealed.
Getting to the cloud proves easier than an Apple networked device, as the quest seekers simply take an elevator up to the top of a Bizarro-piercing skyscraper. But to reach the legendary stolen cache within the cloudscape, the group must overcome a number of bizarre obstacles, including gigantic pin-up models from the 1950’s and 1960’s with blood-sucking tentacles inside their private parts; jaundiced cannibals dressed like Walmart shoppers; vengeful water-proof psychic mensch statuary; heavy metal house pet transformers; carnivorous posies; rock candy avalanches; mind-spiders; an untrustworthy witch doctor; a M. C. Escher inspired Relativity Cave; and, well, you get my drift.
By the end of 470-page book, I believe you’ll agree that Wol-vriey continues to hone his craft of creating top-notch bizarro literature with this latest title. Bizarro Horror is still the key theme of “Vegan Vampire Vaginas,” but this particular novel also gives the reader a lot more humor and extreme erotica (if you think that’s even possible considering the pervasive perversions described within Wol-vriey’s “Boston Posh” and “Vegan Zombie Apocalypse”).
Consequently, if you’re looking for a typical horror story or some soft core erotica, this is NOT the book for you (listen up you timid housewives who enter every Goodreads giveaway). But if you enjoy over-the-top ground-breaking transgressive adult fiction, then you won’t regret checking out Wol-vriey’s epic-length “Vegan Vampire Vaginas.”
July 14, 2014
* I was given this book from the writer, in return of an honest review.
«Since Bizarro, everything is insane Tom. The world isn’t what you remember anymore». That’s true. And what is Bizarro? A cloud formation like a «second sky» above the heads of the Bostonians… Cool eh? Well, not so…
But let’s start from the beginning. Tom, a salesman from Boston, has a terrible one-night stand (that can happen to anybody). But when he wakes up the next morning, he finds out that he has a vagina in his left hand. You think things can’t get any worse? You’re wrong.
Passing through a green mist with his car he is transported across space – time to a more nightmarish version of Boston (except if you don’t consider nightmarish a Boston with dragons and dinosaurs, so in that case he enters a nightmare version of Boston). And there, in that place he is no longer Tom Palmer, but Pussypalm, an infamous gangster. Not only that, he is wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago. Oh! Did i mention that his hand vagina talks after sex?
From that point, things get crazy. An underaged king, a niddle crazy tran, a man with two penises, yellow cannibals and of course the vampire vaginas, a telepathic race of giants with faces of the early 20th century hollywood actresses, who drain the blood of their victims from a tentacle in their vaginas. Still not enough?
Wol-vriey creates absurd worlds (the «normal» and its the twisted version). Who is the bad guy and who is the good one? Are we responsible for the way we were born? And who is the monster? The cannibals and the vampire vaginas or maybe the humans?
A real page turner, that is getting sweeter and sweeter as you turn the pages and you visit the Bizarro world. Rock candy that plays… rock songs, chocolate mountains and milk lakes… Yummy.
And what would a bizarro book would be without sex? And that is extreme sex. Think of a thing and there’s in the book. Horror, sex and humor. Do you think there’s a better combination than that?
«Since Bizarro, everything is insane Tom. The world isn’t what you remember anymore». That’s true. And what is Bizarro? A cloud formation like a «second sky» above the heads of the Bostonians… Cool eh? Well, not so…
But let’s start from the beginning. Tom, a salesman from Boston, has a terrible one-night stand (that can happen to anybody). But when he wakes up the next morning, he finds out that he has a vagina in his left hand. You think things can’t get any worse? You’re wrong.
Passing through a green mist with his car he is transported across space – time to a more nightmarish version of Boston (except if you don’t consider nightmarish a Boston with dragons and dinosaurs, so in that case he enters a nightmare version of Boston). And there, in that place he is no longer Tom Palmer, but Pussypalm, an infamous gangster. Not only that, he is wanted for robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston a year ago. Oh! Did i mention that his hand vagina talks after sex?
From that point, things get crazy. An underaged king, a niddle crazy tran, a man with two penises, yellow cannibals and of course the vampire vaginas, a telepathic race of giants with faces of the early 20th century hollywood actresses, who drain the blood of their victims from a tentacle in their vaginas. Still not enough?
Wol-vriey creates absurd worlds (the «normal» and its the twisted version). Who is the bad guy and who is the good one? Are we responsible for the way we were born? And who is the monster? The cannibals and the vampire vaginas or maybe the humans?
A real page turner, that is getting sweeter and sweeter as you turn the pages and you visit the Bizarro world. Rock candy that plays… rock songs, chocolate mountains and milk lakes… Yummy.
And what would a bizarro book would be without sex? And that is extreme sex. Think of a thing and there’s in the book. Horror, sex and humor. Do you think there’s a better combination than that?
August 15, 2014
I won this book in a goodreads giveaway.
I honestly enjoyed this book and I didn't think I would. I didn't quite know what to think of it, would it be funny, dumb, take me through an acid trip? I don't know. Then I finished it and it just left me thinking "Wtf?" However, that is 'wtf' in a good way. This novel is definitely different and interesting. It was strangely addicting, I got so engrossed to the book, so much so that I ended up finishing it within three days. I had to force myself to put it down to get some work done. This book is just so Bizarro! There's really know way to describe it and what it's about, you'll just have to read it. The characters were interesting and funny, yet disgusting and horrid at the same time. It's like this book has everything people find sensitive and readers stay away from, crammed into one book and honestly, it's rather refreshing to read. However, I couldn't help but feel like the authors writing style was a little dull, like it could have been better. If you are easily disturbed and don't take kindly to sexual content then you will not like this book. However, if you love random crap that makes you question what you've just read, don't mind disturbing scenes and topics, and don't mind sexual content, then you will absolute love this! I definitely recommend to anyone who likes reading something out of the ordinary.
I honestly enjoyed this book and I didn't think I would. I didn't quite know what to think of it, would it be funny, dumb, take me through an acid trip? I don't know. Then I finished it and it just left me thinking "Wtf?" However, that is 'wtf' in a good way. This novel is definitely different and interesting. It was strangely addicting, I got so engrossed to the book, so much so that I ended up finishing it within three days. I had to force myself to put it down to get some work done. This book is just so Bizarro! There's really know way to describe it and what it's about, you'll just have to read it. The characters were interesting and funny, yet disgusting and horrid at the same time. It's like this book has everything people find sensitive and readers stay away from, crammed into one book and honestly, it's rather refreshing to read. However, I couldn't help but feel like the authors writing style was a little dull, like it could have been better. If you are easily disturbed and don't take kindly to sexual content then you will not like this book. However, if you love random crap that makes you question what you've just read, don't mind disturbing scenes and topics, and don't mind sexual content, then you will absolute love this! I definitely recommend to anyone who likes reading something out of the ordinary.
June 29, 2014
Vegan Vampire Vaginas by Wol-vriey is by far the weirdest novel I have ever read.
There’s no other way to put it. From beginning to end, the story of Tom Palmer (pun intended) is one of a LSD dream. Dragons, dinosaurs, sexual acts of the most extreme that borderline violent fantasy, Vegan Vampire Vaginas more than once made me cringe.
I had picked this novel up in the hopes of a laugh or two, but instead I got nightmare worthy scenes that still make me a bit nauseous to think about. This is a seriously talented author, for sure, but his descriptive ability makes it a bit worse for such a book. It’s bad enough to read about someone having sex with his own hand, but worse when the author is actually good at writing it.
I’m seriously shocked I finished this novel. I nearly gave up more than once, but I persevered and finished it all. I praise the author for his terrific writing abilities, but it’s what he uses them for that has me giving this book two stars (his writing having brought it up from a one star).
All in all, this was not my cup of tea.
There’s no other way to put it. From beginning to end, the story of Tom Palmer (pun intended) is one of a LSD dream. Dragons, dinosaurs, sexual acts of the most extreme that borderline violent fantasy, Vegan Vampire Vaginas more than once made me cringe.
I had picked this novel up in the hopes of a laugh or two, but instead I got nightmare worthy scenes that still make me a bit nauseous to think about. This is a seriously talented author, for sure, but his descriptive ability makes it a bit worse for such a book. It’s bad enough to read about someone having sex with his own hand, but worse when the author is actually good at writing it.
I’m seriously shocked I finished this novel. I nearly gave up more than once, but I persevered and finished it all. I praise the author for his terrific writing abilities, but it’s what he uses them for that has me giving this book two stars (his writing having brought it up from a one star).
All in all, this was not my cup of tea.
July 28, 2015
This was the April Bizarro Group Read book ... and it took me until July to finish it. I want to thank Wol-Vriey for his support of the group read and the Bizarro group in general.
Now, why did it take me so long to read this book? Length was only part of the issue, and this is a long book. By the end, you have spent a significant portion of time in Bizarro Boston and the world building felt very solid. The characters also were fairly strongly defined ... with one issue.
* * *
So in On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King talks about the middle of The Stand and how he had written himself into a corner. There was no real progression, just - to use a gaming term - two sides turtling. It wasn't until out on a walk (as the story goes) that King realized why there was no movement and how he needed to fix the problem. With the distinction between the two sides dwindling down, there had to be a catalyst for the third act.
In editing The Stand , I doubt that King took much out of that middle act (well, in the extra long cut of the book, anyway). The thing is, he didn't need to. Before we had both sides shoring up defenses, we had spent a long time fighting to get some respite. There was the hope that life could go on as it had before (which reminds me of Dhalgren and the family in the apartment that Kid runs into), a hope that hits a strong resonance in humanity. Despite so much "change is good" mantra-ing out there, the idea of returning to what was comfortable is a very common theme in storytelling. We see this in The Walking Dead with the family units that are formed, especially when they find places to hole up. We see this in "Avengers: Age of Ultron" (where our heroes realize where their actual comfort is ... sort of). We see this in "Mad Max: Fury Road" also, a movie where the perfect amount of change and comfort is tied together.
In short, The Stand could play with finding comfort because the story and the characters had earned that respite.
* * *
Vegan Vampire Vaginas reads like the middle act of The Stand with very little of the first or third act aspects. We have characters seeking comfort in a very strange land (well, strange to some) and slowly "finding" it ... the issue at hand is that I never felt that the characters earned the right to have that break.
The book takes its time establishing the comfort of our characters - often using the extra pages for increasingly taboo sexual activities - time that during the first few chapters I was happy to give it. But after Chapter 25 or so, I was ready to move on. I was not in the mood for flashbacks. And boy are there flashbacks ... lots of them. The shorter ones for our main character were fine. The longer ones (three or four chapters long at least) ended up dragging on. I did not need the details of the gold heist ... or maybe the story could have been the gold heist instead of the fallout from the heist.
And frankly, the fallout from the heist - especially the third act reveals and conclusions - was too much. I felt that the story being told had resolved much earlier, but then the book changes stories on me and begins searching for an ending.
Easily, 25% of this book could have been cut and we would have ended up with a tighter central story that moved along at the pace a heist story should move at. Heck, even 40% of this book could have been excised and the remaining 60% rearranged to eliminate the "JJ Abrams mystery box" and allow for dramatic irony instead. Frankly, I think that would have been a more gripping story, especially if the last act of this book received a chunk of the cuts. As it stands, VVV is too long for the story it tries to tell and too comfortable in the world it creates.
Now, why did it take me so long to read this book? Length was only part of the issue, and this is a long book. By the end, you have spent a significant portion of time in Bizarro Boston and the world building felt very solid. The characters also were fairly strongly defined ... with one issue.
* * *
So in On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King talks about the middle of The Stand and how he had written himself into a corner. There was no real progression, just - to use a gaming term - two sides turtling. It wasn't until out on a walk (as the story goes) that King realized why there was no movement and how he needed to fix the problem. With the distinction between the two sides dwindling down, there had to be a catalyst for the third act.
In editing The Stand , I doubt that King took much out of that middle act (well, in the extra long cut of the book, anyway). The thing is, he didn't need to. Before we had both sides shoring up defenses, we had spent a long time fighting to get some respite. There was the hope that life could go on as it had before (which reminds me of Dhalgren and the family in the apartment that Kid runs into), a hope that hits a strong resonance in humanity. Despite so much "change is good" mantra-ing out there, the idea of returning to what was comfortable is a very common theme in storytelling. We see this in The Walking Dead with the family units that are formed, especially when they find places to hole up. We see this in "Avengers: Age of Ultron" (where our heroes realize where their actual comfort is ... sort of). We see this in "Mad Max: Fury Road" also, a movie where the perfect amount of change and comfort is tied together.
In short, The Stand could play with finding comfort because the story and the characters had earned that respite.
* * *
Vegan Vampire Vaginas reads like the middle act of The Stand with very little of the first or third act aspects. We have characters seeking comfort in a very strange land (well, strange to some) and slowly "finding" it ... the issue at hand is that I never felt that the characters earned the right to have that break.
The book takes its time establishing the comfort of our characters - often using the extra pages for increasingly taboo sexual activities - time that during the first few chapters I was happy to give it. But after Chapter 25 or so, I was ready to move on. I was not in the mood for flashbacks. And boy are there flashbacks ... lots of them. The shorter ones for our main character were fine. The longer ones (three or four chapters long at least) ended up dragging on. I did not need the details of the gold heist ... or maybe the story could have been the gold heist instead of the fallout from the heist.
And frankly, the fallout from the heist - especially the third act reveals and conclusions - was too much. I felt that the story being told had resolved much earlier, but then the book changes stories on me and begins searching for an ending.
Easily, 25% of this book could have been cut and we would have ended up with a tighter central story that moved along at the pace a heist story should move at. Heck, even 40% of this book could have been excised and the remaining 60% rearranged to eliminate the "JJ Abrams mystery box" and allow for dramatic irony instead. Frankly, I think that would have been a more gripping story, especially if the last act of this book received a chunk of the cuts. As it stands, VVV is too long for the story it tries to tell and too comfortable in the world it creates.
November 30, 2014
Tom has been pulled into a different dimension after a blow-job gone wrong. Tom wakes to this new world with a vagina on his hand, no memory of who he is, wanted for stealing a crap-load of money from the wrong people and having sex with a married woman.
Can Tom get his memory back in order to survive tentacled vaginas, eaters, the king, a crazy dominatrix, and vegan vampires? Will he find out the story of the vagina on his palm?
For some reason I’ve found other Wol-vriey reads to be hard to understand or I just didn’t get them. That’s not the case with this one.
Even with all the extreme-ness of this sex and bodily function-fueled read, the scenarios and situations written within these pages held a story, folks, with an actual honest-to-goodness plot! This is one of a handful of bizarro reads that I’ve read recently that did not appear to be thrown together for gore and grossness’ sake. *Insert Applause*
Don’t get me wrong, this read is offensively improper and I should have worn a condom for my brain, but I survived. For those that like to push boundaries and have a fascination or obsession with va-jay-jays, give it a go. You might just like it. (That sounded dirty didn’t it? Well, it is a dirty read. *wink*)
An overly imaginative 3 1/2 star read.
Can Tom get his memory back in order to survive tentacled vaginas, eaters, the king, a crazy dominatrix, and vegan vampires? Will he find out the story of the vagina on his palm?
For some reason I’ve found other Wol-vriey reads to be hard to understand or I just didn’t get them. That’s not the case with this one.
Even with all the extreme-ness of this sex and bodily function-fueled read, the scenarios and situations written within these pages held a story, folks, with an actual honest-to-goodness plot! This is one of a handful of bizarro reads that I’ve read recently that did not appear to be thrown together for gore and grossness’ sake. *Insert Applause*
Don’t get me wrong, this read is offensively improper and I should have worn a condom for my brain, but I survived. For those that like to push boundaries and have a fascination or obsession with va-jay-jays, give it a go. You might just like it. (That sounded dirty didn’t it? Well, it is a dirty read. *wink*)
An overly imaginative 3 1/2 star read.
July 1, 2014
I find Wol'vrieys work so easy to read and enjoyable, I think he is a great writer. His imagination is amazing, how does he come up with half this stuff?!
I think what I love the most is that he kills off most of his characters, at some point or another they get into some kind of trouble and you think 'oh they'll get out of that' but nope. He just kills them off! haha. There are no happy endings with this story, plenty of love plots and sex though. Love it.
I think what I love the most is that he kills off most of his characters, at some point or another they get into some kind of trouble and you think 'oh they'll get out of that' but nope. He just kills them off! haha. There are no happy endings with this story, plenty of love plots and sex though. Love it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 13, 2015
So far it's surprisingly fun and interesting. Not my usual read but I am hooked.
September 17, 2015
Books normally start off with a displacement. Not always a problem, but a displacement that is in fact something out of the normal.
This is interesting because in the bizarro genre, the idea of normalcy is what's at stake here. Characters sometimes seem normal; that is they get freaked out by things we would get freaked out by. But other times, they seem okay with things we wouldn't be okay with; that is they don't get freaked out. So you can understand that for bizarro fiction, what's at stake is often the sense of normalacy which itself isn't normal. As readers, we bring to bizarro fiction, the normalcy which then needs to be reiterated in the book after the contradictions that are created by the displacement get resolved... the ending of course, is a non-normalacy which "feels" normal.
Wol-vriey ups the ante here by writing about the bizarro world in the bizarro genre. That is to say, this book doubles almost everything. There are levels within levels here: the bizarro world in the bizarro dimension, but also bizarro Boston vs the normal Boston. What we have is a recursion of being inherent in the bizzaro dimension, where the "platonic forms" of bizarro world appear themselves "up there" in the bizarro dimension. One way to say that the bizarro Boston is an inherently unstable world, needing explanation. So the explanation is located in the bizarro world that is intruding onto bizarro America... that like a machinic assemblage, weaves "bizarro-ness" onto bizarro America... as this bizarro world is self justifying, "without sufficient reason" so it acts as the original site of displacement for the bizarro world.
This doesn't seem to cut the cake, though, as the ticket into this world isn't grounded on simply being bizarro. The main character Tom, doesn't find himself into this world without meaning... he enters this world through the use of raunchy sex and suicide... and that marks the entrance into bizarro. For bizarro is grounded on debauchery, of the sexual and the organistic. Both go together, for cannibalism, sexuality and death are wrapped in an endless cycle thanatos, "death drive": a proposition made by late Freud to match "eros". Libido is often thought of the capacity for human subjects to enjoy themselves sexually... but Freud exceeded his libido theory when he found thanatos as the true form of human enjoyment. Thanatos isn't a will to death, but it is a will to endless enjoyment, often an enjoyment which imbalances the subject... that is, this drive doesn't kill people, but it does exceed the life capacity of the organism. So that enjoyment marked in excess is results in the bizarro dimension, endless sex and the endless bloodshed, the two of which are enjoyed liberally by all in the bizarro dimension... but it doesn't explain what bizarro is in itself.
Or does it?
Bizarro is founded on the bizarre... the freakiness that exceeds normality... such that this freakiness can define normality itself: that is, as bizarro shows us as a genre, as Wol-viery shows us, what's most bizarre about bizarro worlds is that anything can be normal. The defamiliarization of normality is what bizarro gives back to us. Bizarro shows us how normal itself isn't normal, that what exceeds freakiness is how normality makes what is freaky normal... it helps us recognize that the hyperreal world we live in wasn't always normal.
So to achieve that non-normality, bizarro often positions most things, in "opposite". The king is a child. A woman can have a dick. Eaters think eating people is normal. There's enough in here to make you wonder. And yet, the (in)consistency of what is odd is part of what makes it normal enough... kings must be obeyed. The police are there to help you (but are often scummy because they enjoy their job too much). Penises go in vaginas (sometimes). And of course, in real life, people constrain themselves. They don't just do what they want, or have endless fucking, or endless murder... they hold some semblance of order... so there's a little bit of that.
But the actual plot is that the main character enjoys himself too much. He steals the economy's enjoyment (gold) and aligns it with the excesses of bizarro (hiding it up there). If that isn't a shame, he also has a cousin who enjoys herself in a most unorthodox way; she avoids sex in a world that is predicated on sex. It is in fact, her doubling herself (but not her cunt, as that is what ties the double to her) that allowed the main character to enter our normal world, forgetting his real bizarro nature one of excess enjoyment (sex, thievery, murder...). Her displaced cunt then, separated from her body, fought between herself and her double, but positioned in her cousin's hand, forms the link of "excess" enjoyment, enjoyment for him (to be both man and woman) but also enjoyment of the cunt itself (beyond whatever he may want) and enjoyment of the cousin to learn her magics without sex interfering. That cunt "for-itself in-itself" holds the key to the truths of this world, as its excess enjoyment of disembodied orgasming speaks the truth of this world. Like religious sacrifice, when people give up something they value in this world to the Sacred Other to get truths, when this cunt "for-itself in-itself" is pleasured, its enjoyment of the other's offering allows it to speak the truth of this world for the fucker.... that is to say cunts in this book, are the small other that hold the key for your own desire... but like the end, this disembodied cunt takes its place as the Big Other, the Sacred Other, after it swallows its limit, and is thus rightly worshiped as such.
I don't want to get into too much here, as there's plenty, but the construction of this world is constantly the embodiment of the Other, such as the menschs, the vavs, the eaters... each position constitutes a set of values for us in the real world. Gods as idols, celebrity women as needing our lifeblood to constitute their dumb continuance, humans who want to live the good life and are unapologetic in their consumerism such that they literally eat other humans...
So what is this book about? It's about the raising of the Other, that the natural order of things in bizarro, is in terms of its excessiveness, the primary point being a disembodied cunt has the key to all the mysteries of pleasure in-itself... such that human beings have no place in this world, as we are simply "food", as others can enjoy us more than we can them.
This is interesting because in the bizarro genre, the idea of normalcy is what's at stake here. Characters sometimes seem normal; that is they get freaked out by things we would get freaked out by. But other times, they seem okay with things we wouldn't be okay with; that is they don't get freaked out. So you can understand that for bizarro fiction, what's at stake is often the sense of normalacy which itself isn't normal. As readers, we bring to bizarro fiction, the normalcy which then needs to be reiterated in the book after the contradictions that are created by the displacement get resolved... the ending of course, is a non-normalacy which "feels" normal.
Wol-vriey ups the ante here by writing about the bizarro world in the bizarro genre. That is to say, this book doubles almost everything. There are levels within levels here: the bizarro world in the bizarro dimension, but also bizarro Boston vs the normal Boston. What we have is a recursion of being inherent in the bizzaro dimension, where the "platonic forms" of bizarro world appear themselves "up there" in the bizarro dimension. One way to say that the bizarro Boston is an inherently unstable world, needing explanation. So the explanation is located in the bizarro world that is intruding onto bizarro America... that like a machinic assemblage, weaves "bizarro-ness" onto bizarro America... as this bizarro world is self justifying, "without sufficient reason" so it acts as the original site of displacement for the bizarro world.
This doesn't seem to cut the cake, though, as the ticket into this world isn't grounded on simply being bizarro. The main character Tom, doesn't find himself into this world without meaning... he enters this world through the use of raunchy sex and suicide... and that marks the entrance into bizarro. For bizarro is grounded on debauchery, of the sexual and the organistic. Both go together, for cannibalism, sexuality and death are wrapped in an endless cycle thanatos, "death drive": a proposition made by late Freud to match "eros". Libido is often thought of the capacity for human subjects to enjoy themselves sexually... but Freud exceeded his libido theory when he found thanatos as the true form of human enjoyment. Thanatos isn't a will to death, but it is a will to endless enjoyment, often an enjoyment which imbalances the subject... that is, this drive doesn't kill people, but it does exceed the life capacity of the organism. So that enjoyment marked in excess is results in the bizarro dimension, endless sex and the endless bloodshed, the two of which are enjoyed liberally by all in the bizarro dimension... but it doesn't explain what bizarro is in itself.
Or does it?
Bizarro is founded on the bizarre... the freakiness that exceeds normality... such that this freakiness can define normality itself: that is, as bizarro shows us as a genre, as Wol-viery shows us, what's most bizarre about bizarro worlds is that anything can be normal. The defamiliarization of normality is what bizarro gives back to us. Bizarro shows us how normal itself isn't normal, that what exceeds freakiness is how normality makes what is freaky normal... it helps us recognize that the hyperreal world we live in wasn't always normal.
So to achieve that non-normality, bizarro often positions most things, in "opposite". The king is a child. A woman can have a dick. Eaters think eating people is normal. There's enough in here to make you wonder. And yet, the (in)consistency of what is odd is part of what makes it normal enough... kings must be obeyed. The police are there to help you (but are often scummy because they enjoy their job too much). Penises go in vaginas (sometimes). And of course, in real life, people constrain themselves. They don't just do what they want, or have endless fucking, or endless murder... they hold some semblance of order... so there's a little bit of that.
But the actual plot is that the main character enjoys himself too much. He steals the economy's enjoyment (gold) and aligns it with the excesses of bizarro (hiding it up there). If that isn't a shame, he also has a cousin who enjoys herself in a most unorthodox way; she avoids sex in a world that is predicated on sex. It is in fact, her doubling herself (but not her cunt, as that is what ties the double to her) that allowed the main character to enter our normal world, forgetting his real bizarro nature one of excess enjoyment (sex, thievery, murder...). Her displaced cunt then, separated from her body, fought between herself and her double, but positioned in her cousin's hand, forms the link of "excess" enjoyment, enjoyment for him (to be both man and woman) but also enjoyment of the cunt itself (beyond whatever he may want) and enjoyment of the cousin to learn her magics without sex interfering. That cunt "for-itself in-itself" holds the key to the truths of this world, as its excess enjoyment of disembodied orgasming speaks the truth of this world. Like religious sacrifice, when people give up something they value in this world to the Sacred Other to get truths, when this cunt "for-itself in-itself" is pleasured, its enjoyment of the other's offering allows it to speak the truth of this world for the fucker.... that is to say cunts in this book, are the small other that hold the key for your own desire... but like the end, this disembodied cunt takes its place as the Big Other, the Sacred Other, after it swallows its limit, and is thus rightly worshiped as such.
I don't want to get into too much here, as there's plenty, but the construction of this world is constantly the embodiment of the Other, such as the menschs, the vavs, the eaters... each position constitutes a set of values for us in the real world. Gods as idols, celebrity women as needing our lifeblood to constitute their dumb continuance, humans who want to live the good life and are unapologetic in their consumerism such that they literally eat other humans...
So what is this book about? It's about the raising of the Other, that the natural order of things in bizarro, is in terms of its excessiveness, the primary point being a disembodied cunt has the key to all the mysteries of pleasure in-itself... such that human beings have no place in this world, as we are simply "food", as others can enjoy us more than we can them.
October 24, 2016
That was so not what I expected. After reading so many weird-for-weirds-sake books, that was really refreshing. Some of the plot points wandered into WTF territory but never without reason. The characters were great - especially Megan, she was definitely a favorite - and really encouraged empathy, even a few of the named Eater characters.
I'm sorry for the short review but if I start gushing I won't be able to control the spoilers.
This was my first foray into Wol-vriey and I'll definitely be reading more.
I'm sorry for the short review but if I start gushing I won't be able to control the spoilers.
This was my first foray into Wol-vriey and I'll definitely be reading more.
August 10, 2014
Today we have a guest reviewer here at Doubleshot Book Reviews. Welcome, Nobilis Reed. Nobilis is an author and podcaster.
A few years ago Nobilis Reed decided to start sharing the naughty little stories he scribbled out in hidden notebooks. To his surprise, people actually liked them! Now, he can’t stop. The poor man is addicted. His wife, teenage children, and even the cats just look on this wretch of a man, hunched over his computer and shake their heads. Clearly, there is no hope for him. The best that can be hoped for is to just make him as comfortable as his condition will allow. Symptoms of his condition include two novels, several novellas, numerous short stories, and the longest-running erotica podcast in the history of the world.
Nobilis can be found over at Nobilis Erotica where you can find information on his writings, his podcast and other social networking sites where you can follow him, so please head over and take a look. He has some really good stuff and you will see some reviews of his work coming very soon.
And now onto the review, of which, I again greatly Thank, Nobilis for contributing. You are a good man, Mr Reed.
Review of Vegan Vampire Vaginas
by Nobilis Reed
Vegan Vampire Vaginas is marketed as bizarro fiction. I should reveal, up front, that I am not an expert in bizarro fiction. The only bizarro prose I had read before Vegan Vampire Vaginas was Naked Lunch. I have, however, enjoyed many bizarro movies, such as the aforementioned Naked Lunch (a very different item than the novel) and Repo Men.
For those of you unfamiliar with the bizarro genre, I shall endeavor to provide some illumination. The tent pole of bizarro media, whether film, prose, or anything else, is "The Weird," complete with quotation marks and capital letters. That's always the focus, a celebration of the absurd. When there's something entertaining, thought-provoking, or sublime about bizarro, it's because of the weird.
Vegan Vampire Vaginas present us with a man who lives in a weird version of Boston beseiged by fire-breathing dragons and dinosaurs, who is then transported to an even weirder version of Boston beseiged by cannibals and the titular "vaginas," which are giant plant-women with blood-sucking tentacles growing from their nether regions. Shortly upon arrival, he discovers that the pussy (yes, the female genitalia, not a feline) he now bears on his left hand marks him as Tom Pussypalm, the master criminal who has stolen the national treasury of the Kingdom of Boston. From there, it gets weirder.
The weirdness in this book is unrelenting. In that score, at least, it succeeds. If you were to simply check off a list of ingredients for bizarro fiction, this book has them all. But just as a book can sometimes be more than the sum of its parts, sometimes it can be less.
What this book lacks is anything else going for it but The Weird. I found in it no humor or satire. It alternates between graphic violence and graphic sex as predictably as a metronome. What's worse, none of the descriptions were particularly detailed, blunting much of their impact. Before I had gotten ten chapters in, the effect had begun to wear off. Before I was a quarter of the way through, I was ready to skip them anytime they came up. In spite of the author's attempts to ratchet up the weirdness every time, by the time I got to the necrophiliac lesbian in the last chapter, I was rolling my eyes.
In the other bizarro stories I've encountered, there's at least one character who perceives what's happening around him is weird. He has believable emotional reactions to what's going on. Even in the case of Naked Lunch, the disjointed narrative combined with the references to drug use and insanity help to reinforce the weirdness of the Interzone. There's none of that in this novel; the emotional context never gets rolling, in spite of sporadic attempts to tell us that a character is horrified to see someone being simultaneously strangled and exsanguinated by a vaginal meat-hook tentacle.
In addition, I found myself hitting speed-bump sentences that jostled me out of the narrative every chapter or so. Here's an example:
"Then a flung car crashed down on its side outside the window, completely blocking off view of the outside."
I suppose I should be grateful that these were present, to remind me that I was sitting and reading. Being engrossed in this novel would have been an even more unpleasant experience. Paradoxically, they made the novel easier to finish.
There are people out there who might enjoy this book. One of these people would have a voracious appetite for The Weird, who has already consumed all the media they can find, and is desperate for another hit. A person like this doesn't care about plot, characterizations, or even creativity in the naming of characters. He or she simply needs more Weird.
Anyone else should not bother with this novel. It has none of the "so bad it's good" charm of Plan Nine from Outer Space, or intentional self-parody of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. It's the bottom of the barrel. Please, don't let my sacrifice have been in vain. Don't read this book.
Nobilis, Doubleshot Book Reviews thanks you for your sacrifice. You are a brave and noble man.
A few years ago Nobilis Reed decided to start sharing the naughty little stories he scribbled out in hidden notebooks. To his surprise, people actually liked them! Now, he can’t stop. The poor man is addicted. His wife, teenage children, and even the cats just look on this wretch of a man, hunched over his computer and shake their heads. Clearly, there is no hope for him. The best that can be hoped for is to just make him as comfortable as his condition will allow. Symptoms of his condition include two novels, several novellas, numerous short stories, and the longest-running erotica podcast in the history of the world.
Nobilis can be found over at Nobilis Erotica where you can find information on his writings, his podcast and other social networking sites where you can follow him, so please head over and take a look. He has some really good stuff and you will see some reviews of his work coming very soon.
And now onto the review, of which, I again greatly Thank, Nobilis for contributing. You are a good man, Mr Reed.
Review of Vegan Vampire Vaginas
by Nobilis Reed
Vegan Vampire Vaginas is marketed as bizarro fiction. I should reveal, up front, that I am not an expert in bizarro fiction. The only bizarro prose I had read before Vegan Vampire Vaginas was Naked Lunch. I have, however, enjoyed many bizarro movies, such as the aforementioned Naked Lunch (a very different item than the novel) and Repo Men.
For those of you unfamiliar with the bizarro genre, I shall endeavor to provide some illumination. The tent pole of bizarro media, whether film, prose, or anything else, is "The Weird," complete with quotation marks and capital letters. That's always the focus, a celebration of the absurd. When there's something entertaining, thought-provoking, or sublime about bizarro, it's because of the weird.
Vegan Vampire Vaginas present us with a man who lives in a weird version of Boston beseiged by fire-breathing dragons and dinosaurs, who is then transported to an even weirder version of Boston beseiged by cannibals and the titular "vaginas," which are giant plant-women with blood-sucking tentacles growing from their nether regions. Shortly upon arrival, he discovers that the pussy (yes, the female genitalia, not a feline) he now bears on his left hand marks him as Tom Pussypalm, the master criminal who has stolen the national treasury of the Kingdom of Boston. From there, it gets weirder.
The weirdness in this book is unrelenting. In that score, at least, it succeeds. If you were to simply check off a list of ingredients for bizarro fiction, this book has them all. But just as a book can sometimes be more than the sum of its parts, sometimes it can be less.
What this book lacks is anything else going for it but The Weird. I found in it no humor or satire. It alternates between graphic violence and graphic sex as predictably as a metronome. What's worse, none of the descriptions were particularly detailed, blunting much of their impact. Before I had gotten ten chapters in, the effect had begun to wear off. Before I was a quarter of the way through, I was ready to skip them anytime they came up. In spite of the author's attempts to ratchet up the weirdness every time, by the time I got to the necrophiliac lesbian in the last chapter, I was rolling my eyes.
In the other bizarro stories I've encountered, there's at least one character who perceives what's happening around him is weird. He has believable emotional reactions to what's going on. Even in the case of Naked Lunch, the disjointed narrative combined with the references to drug use and insanity help to reinforce the weirdness of the Interzone. There's none of that in this novel; the emotional context never gets rolling, in spite of sporadic attempts to tell us that a character is horrified to see someone being simultaneously strangled and exsanguinated by a vaginal meat-hook tentacle.
In addition, I found myself hitting speed-bump sentences that jostled me out of the narrative every chapter or so. Here's an example:
"Then a flung car crashed down on its side outside the window, completely blocking off view of the outside."
I suppose I should be grateful that these were present, to remind me that I was sitting and reading. Being engrossed in this novel would have been an even more unpleasant experience. Paradoxically, they made the novel easier to finish.
There are people out there who might enjoy this book. One of these people would have a voracious appetite for The Weird, who has already consumed all the media they can find, and is desperate for another hit. A person like this doesn't care about plot, characterizations, or even creativity in the naming of characters. He or she simply needs more Weird.
Anyone else should not bother with this novel. It has none of the "so bad it's good" charm of Plan Nine from Outer Space, or intentional self-parody of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. It's the bottom of the barrel. Please, don't let my sacrifice have been in vain. Don't read this book.
Nobilis, Doubleshot Book Reviews thanks you for your sacrifice. You are a brave and noble man.
January 12, 2018
Warning: not for the faint of heart.
I wanted a silly romp, and the book is a bit of that, but alone the way, it tries to punch every taboo button possible. It was much more of a chore to read than I hoped.
I wanted a silly romp, and the book is a bit of that, but alone the way, it tries to punch every taboo button possible. It was much more of a chore to read than I hoped.
October 5, 2014
Master of the bizarro universe!
When a person thinks of Wol-vriey, they should realize upfront that very few people can command the English language quite like he can and furthermore very few can pull off bizarro wordsmithing as brilliantly as Wol-vriey.
Why do I predicate my review of VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS with the aforementioned statement? Simply because many people truly aren't ready for a real trip through bizarro-land and are completely mind-f**ked when they experience Wol-vriey. In other words, to understand Wol-vriey is to truly 'get' what bizarro is all about... it is the weirdness to the extreme, it is gross, it is erotic, and it is fantastic. It is truly not for the person who is easily offended or cannot let go of reality and simply let the story take the reader to places that even he or she may not dream to go on his own.
VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS starts off in the same universe that Wol-vriey's incredible epic adventure Boston Posh is set in. We start our decent into madness by following poor salesman Tom Palmer as he goes from his normal life as a vacuum cleaner salesman to one of the most wanted and notorious bank robbers in American history.
Of course, this isn't standard America, it is "Bizarro" and Tom Palmer is suddenly Tom Pussypalm and is arrested for a crime in which he has no memory of. As his jailers work to pump him for information about his crime and the whereabouts of Boston's money (and by 'pump him', I do mean 'pump him' as we learn that Pussypalm has a vagina on his palm that prophesizes after sex), things can only get stranger in this super cool adventure.
I don't want to give too much of the plot away, but if you think you are ready for a sex-laced adventure told with the weirdness that only Wol-vriey can dream up, give VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS a try. You just might discover a new kink that scratches your fetish fantasies.
When a person thinks of Wol-vriey, they should realize upfront that very few people can command the English language quite like he can and furthermore very few can pull off bizarro wordsmithing as brilliantly as Wol-vriey.
Why do I predicate my review of VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS with the aforementioned statement? Simply because many people truly aren't ready for a real trip through bizarro-land and are completely mind-f**ked when they experience Wol-vriey. In other words, to understand Wol-vriey is to truly 'get' what bizarro is all about... it is the weirdness to the extreme, it is gross, it is erotic, and it is fantastic. It is truly not for the person who is easily offended or cannot let go of reality and simply let the story take the reader to places that even he or she may not dream to go on his own.
VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS starts off in the same universe that Wol-vriey's incredible epic adventure Boston Posh is set in. We start our decent into madness by following poor salesman Tom Palmer as he goes from his normal life as a vacuum cleaner salesman to one of the most wanted and notorious bank robbers in American history.
Of course, this isn't standard America, it is "Bizarro" and Tom Palmer is suddenly Tom Pussypalm and is arrested for a crime in which he has no memory of. As his jailers work to pump him for information about his crime and the whereabouts of Boston's money (and by 'pump him', I do mean 'pump him' as we learn that Pussypalm has a vagina on his palm that prophesizes after sex), things can only get stranger in this super cool adventure.
I don't want to give too much of the plot away, but if you think you are ready for a sex-laced adventure told with the weirdness that only Wol-vriey can dream up, give VEGAN VAMPIRE VAGINAS a try. You just might discover a new kink that scratches your fetish fantasies.
July 11, 2015
I can honestly say that this one surprised me. If you think you know what your getting into by reading the title, let me warn you now that you'd be mistaken. I have never been so befuddled by a book in my life and that's saying something. Don't get me wrong it isn't a bad read. The writing is decent and the plot is a good one that will keep you interested. What will throw you for a loop is the premise that this novel is set upon. This book is set in an alternate reality in which some concepts are familiar and some are so completely bizarre that you'll wonder if the author was on strong hallucinogens when he wrote it. Dietary norms, governmental structure, and sexual mores are completely stood on their head and twisted to uncomfortable degrees. Just when I thought that I had a handle on what was going on, there'd be some other mind-bending wrinkle that made me have to stop to give myself time to process it.
I would have given VVV a higher star rating if it weren't for the over-the-top sex scenes. To be clear, it wasn't the bizarre appendages or taboo relationships that were the problem. Rather it was the sheer abundance and random placement of the scenes. I'd be immersed in the plot trying to follow the bread-crumbs left by the bank robbers and BAM, naked (with way too many body-parts)shenanigans would be happening--bizarre naked shenanigans. These couplings were so bizarre that it took all of your attention and focus to wrap your head around what was going on; and because some of these escapades served no plot related purpose, it completely took your head out of the plot.
I think readers between the ages of 17 and 25 would find this a fun way to pass the time. If you are a fan of MTV's Jackass and the more adult and outre type Anime, this is the book for you. If you have no idea what I just referenced---don't try to be adventurous with this one.
I would have given VVV a higher star rating if it weren't for the over-the-top sex scenes. To be clear, it wasn't the bizarre appendages or taboo relationships that were the problem. Rather it was the sheer abundance and random placement of the scenes. I'd be immersed in the plot trying to follow the bread-crumbs left by the bank robbers and BAM, naked (with way too many body-parts)shenanigans would be happening--bizarre naked shenanigans. These couplings were so bizarre that it took all of your attention and focus to wrap your head around what was going on; and because some of these escapades served no plot related purpose, it completely took your head out of the plot.
I think readers between the ages of 17 and 25 would find this a fun way to pass the time. If you are a fan of MTV's Jackass and the more adult and outre type Anime, this is the book for you. If you have no idea what I just referenced---don't try to be adventurous with this one.
May 17, 2015
I continue to be impressed by Wol-vriey's work. This was another very good read from him even if there was a lot to be kept track of while following the plotlines. I thought the way he started off at one point in time and changed vantage points later, then changed again was a good way to present the story. I felt invested in many of the characters even though there was not really anyone I felt like specifically "rooting for" if you will. I liked that I was drawn into various characters who the author wasn't afraid to kill off later in the story, there weren't really any happy ending to speak of (except maybe Gina).
The Eaters were initially presented as horrible monsters but as the plot developed I felt some empathy for them and they became more humanized. They were never heroes in any sense but they seemed much less foreign than before.
At about the 80% mark I started getting a little confused and had to work at keeping things straight in my head but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The vavs were a really interesting part of the story, especially the fact that they were vegetative representation of classic female movie stars. The telepathy, the mindspiders and how they fed were all interesting. At the end I did wonder how they actually found enough nourishment to keep their society going though.
The story kept me engaged throughout the book but the very end lost me a bit. The very end with Tom and Cassie just kind of left me flat, I'm sure there was more there than what I picked up. I guess Tom's fate was appropriate. It was interesting to see another character return in one of the Endings. I almost forgot Megan, the reveal about her at the end was very interesting and not what I expected at all, I really liked it.
The Eaters were initially presented as horrible monsters but as the plot developed I felt some empathy for them and they became more humanized. They were never heroes in any sense but they seemed much less foreign than before.
At about the 80% mark I started getting a little confused and had to work at keeping things straight in my head but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The vavs were a really interesting part of the story, especially the fact that they were vegetative representation of classic female movie stars. The telepathy, the mindspiders and how they fed were all interesting. At the end I did wonder how they actually found enough nourishment to keep their society going though.
The story kept me engaged throughout the book but the very end lost me a bit. The very end with Tom and Cassie just kind of left me flat, I'm sure there was more there than what I picked up. I guess Tom's fate was appropriate. It was interesting to see another character return in one of the Endings. I almost forgot Megan, the reveal about her at the end was very interesting and not what I expected at all, I really liked it.
July 19, 2014
The biggest problem with this book is that it's more about the sex than the story. It has bizarro elements, but really it's just sex. Sex, sex, sex. Mostly bizarre sex -- transsexual sex, vagina in a hand, living dildos. The plot stops as it takes multiple chapters to describe everyone's sex life between days. If you're into that, fine. It's not the sex that bothers me -- I'm a hard man to offend -- but it has nothing to do with the story. Nothing moves forward.
Besides that, the characters don't have distinguishable personalities. I can't tell one name from the other. They play roles, not personalities. It's like character soup, so it's hard to figure out who wants what and where the story is going.
It's like a portal fantasy, but I'm never quite sure of what the goal is supposed to be. For example, the main character is brought to the king because he (or his other personality, I dunno) knows where some stolen gold is. But the first thing they ask the truth-telling vagina-in-the-hand has nothing to do with this. It's not lazily written, but it seems the plot is missing fundamentals of story-telling - characterization of the lead, character wants something, goes through obstacles to get it.
Besides that, the characters don't have distinguishable personalities. I can't tell one name from the other. They play roles, not personalities. It's like character soup, so it's hard to figure out who wants what and where the story is going.
It's like a portal fantasy, but I'm never quite sure of what the goal is supposed to be. For example, the main character is brought to the king because he (or his other personality, I dunno) knows where some stolen gold is. But the first thing they ask the truth-telling vagina-in-the-hand has nothing to do with this. It's not lazily written, but it seems the plot is missing fundamentals of story-telling - characterization of the lead, character wants something, goes through obstacles to get it.
October 29, 2014
Being a Bostonian myself I couldn't wait to dive in to this 145 chapter (alternate Boston) novel. This also being Wol-vriey's continued previous trip of Boston Posh. But we get a larger tour of the alternate reality of Boston.
Take Chuck Hogan's "The Town"add in one of Boston's largest bank robberies put them in a bag and let bizarro master give it a shake. With imaginatinal sex, memory loss, dinosaurs, dragons and a race called "The Eaters". And you'll have yourself a Vegan Vampire Vagina.
Talking vaginas, bizarre sex of all kinds. You're in for it. Please only read if you have an open mind. Because this is some bizarre and really twisted at some parts.
The opening of of the book is a must read, Tom's transformation, and the MMA fight sequence and much more. Wol-vriey has done it again.
Take Chuck Hogan's "The Town"add in one of Boston's largest bank robberies put them in a bag and let bizarro master give it a shake. With imaginatinal sex, memory loss, dinosaurs, dragons and a race called "The Eaters". And you'll have yourself a Vegan Vampire Vagina.
Talking vaginas, bizarre sex of all kinds. You're in for it. Please only read if you have an open mind. Because this is some bizarre and really twisted at some parts.
The opening of of the book is a must read, Tom's transformation, and the MMA fight sequence and much more. Wol-vriey has done it again.
December 14, 2014
Seriously this book through me off. I just can't get over it. I loved it. It was hilarious and bizarre....I mean there was sex with a vagina-hand that talks. The author definitely has a wild imagination. Highly recommended if you enjoy the bizarro genre, lots of sex, and odd imagery.
My favorite quote from the book:
"Don't be ashamed that you soiled your pants," she said, bending to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "The pleasure of an orgasm must never be measured against public opinion as to its proprietary."
Disclaimer: The author provided a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
My favorite quote from the book:
"Don't be ashamed that you soiled your pants," she said, bending to kiss him lightly on the cheek. "The pleasure of an orgasm must never be measured against public opinion as to its proprietary."
Disclaimer: The author provided a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
February 5, 2017
What a cool story! Really makes me think about women, and how our sex organs are really a source of power. Is there normal? I'm not so sure. Tom is kinda gifted an extra organ on his hand from his cousin Lynn. He accidentally travels to another dimension where there are many different kinds of people, all with different belief systems. He isn't who he thought he was as he meets strange people in his journey through parallel Bostons. The ending depends on a series of choices that I think could have been more beneficial to the world, but I am glad the way the story unfolds. There are many hidden messages, and I really really enjoyed reading this book!!
August 6, 2014
Was a very odd but satisfying book, set in post-apocalyptic Boston in two different realities. Has everything from cannibals that aren't cannibals, vampires that aren't really vampires, and a kingdom that isn't a kingdom ruled by a crack addicted 5 year old. This is a must read for anyone who likes a sense of the weird. The fact that the chapters are four pages at the longest and told by different points of view throughout make this a fast read as well as an quirky enjoyable one.
June 24, 2014
OK, so I received this e-book to review. well I loved it so much I had to show my support and I bought it for my kindle. I mean when I really enjoy someones works I show my support.
September 27, 2015
Weird and wonderful. Bizarre and brilliant. Yet another hugely messed up, yet hugely entertaining tale.
Read
December 17, 2024Did not finish at 42%. I'm honestly surprised that I wasn't able to finish this one. I thought, from the title and reviews, that this would be right up my alley. But I just found it boring.
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