Snow White and the Seven Samurai

by Tom Holt

Once upon a time, everything was fine. Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most foul. But the humans hacked, cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system, and corrupted her database—and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we? Computers and fairy tales collide to hilarious effect in the latest sparkling cocktail of mayhem, wit, and wonder from the master of comic fantasy.

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Humor, Comedy, Fairy Tales, Comic Fantasy, Science Fiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

About the author

Tom Holt (Thomas Charles Louis Holt) is a British novelist.
He was born in London, the son of novelist Hazel Holt, and was educated at Westminster School, Wadham College, Oxford, and The College of Law, London.
Holt's works include mythopoeic novels which parody or take as their theme various aspects of mythology, history or literature and develop them in new and often humorous ways. He has also produced a number of "straight" historical novels writing as Thomas Holt and fantasy novels writing as K.J. Parker.

Reviews

[Supratim · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my first book by Tom Holt. I had come across this book in a book sale and was intrigued by the title. The blurb gave the impression that it was going to an entertaining read, and I decided to give it a go.

Anyway, some humans, as usual always poking their noses where they do not belong, have hacked into the Wicked Queen’s system (Mirrors 3.1) and made a mess of it. The result is complete chaos in the fantasy land.

Narrative patterns have been distorted – Snow White’s seven dwarfs have turned into samurai warriors who are always philosophizing, two of the Three Little Pigs have turned on the third one, the big bad wolf has been turned into a charming prince, the Beast is terrified of Beauty, a knight in distress needs to be rescued by a damsel, and the madness continues. Quite a few of the famous fairy tale characters have become exact opposites of what they were. I better shut my mouth before I give away any major spoilers!

I certainly enjoyed the author’s imagination and humour – some parts especially the dialogues are well-written and so funny. Some of these were simply genius.

The book was good dragged at parts, but when you have so many characters and so much going on – managing everything is difficult. Wish the author had done something about this, then the book would have been great.

If you like comic fantasy, then you can give this book a try. I would be on the lookout for a few more Tom Holt books.

[R.S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Is he just psychotic, or is he the Dirty Harry of the local planning department?”
The ongoing battle of the Big Bad Wolf (Mr Fang, even when turned into a frog and then into a handsome prince) and the Three Little Pigs is a particular highlight of this book. The Wicked Queen is not just a stereotypical villainess. Holt develops her character and goes beyond the fairest of them all power struggles with Snow White. Snow White is a power hungry con-artist who is nowhere as nice as in the fairy tales – she must have had a good publicist. The Brothers Grimm appear as official government sanctioned observers from the real world, looking for weapons of mass imagination but they have their own self-interested agenda to take care of.
In scenes strangely reminiscent of Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns mixed with the Magnificent Seven, the Dwarf with no name (aka Dumpy) puts together a group of mercenaries. Hired by the pigs to deal with the wolf once and for all, he ropes in Tom Thumb and Rumpelstiltskin into the bargain, while the seven samurai have orders to kill the Wicked Queen. This is another thread of the mad, wildly imaginative plot and it ties in seamlessly with the Wicked Queen’s quest to restore order. Throughout the book, the queen is the voice of reason. Her magic mirror had been hacked and she must save her world from Snow White!
This was by far my favourite Tom Holt book so far. Snow White and the Seven Samurai is a glorious confection, turning all the fairy tale tropes on their head. Not everyone ends up with a HEA (Happily Ever After) but we are dealing with once upon a time rules after all.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't care what other people say, I like Tom Holt. Having read bit of Jasper Fforde's Nursery Crimes series to Spike1972 recently (and forcing him to read the rest) I feel right at home in this messed-up fairy-tale world, published prior to JFf, but, if the latter is to be believed, conceived later. I read this in one go on one of those sleepless Sunday nights/Monday mornings which I hope will soon be a thing of the past and it sent me to a too short sleep with a silly grin on my tired face.

[Set Sytes]

My first DNF. This isn't a statement on its quality. I bailed very early on. I just felt very quickly that this kind of deliberately anachronistic fairy tale farce isn't really my kind of thing anymore, and that while I may have liked it when I was younger, I couldn't see myself getting much out of it today, or finding it funny, and on the whole life is just too short and I have far too many other things to read. If I'd bought the book recently I'm sure I'd have pushed through anyway because of sunk cost fallacy - like I say, this is my first DNF, but I've owned this book for decades without reading it so I don't really feel like I'm missing out now.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another very clever book from Tom Holt. Written in 1999, the computing references are very dated, but the fairyland stuff is great.

"Gerroff! You're squashing my ears!"

The wolf eased off the pressure slightly, and the gossamer shadow under its claws stopped squirming. "Well now," the wolf growled softly, "what a surprise. And what's an elf doing in these parts?".

The elf spat. "That's Indigenous Fairylander to you, Fido".

Just loses momentum toward the end...

[Harri]

DNF @ 28/308 pages

First chapter bored me. Picked the book up on a whim at the charity shop but I think it's just not for me.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cyberpunk meets fairytales.

Fairytale land is controlled via the Mirrors computer (mirror!) system. System gets hacked by people from real life. Subsequent deconstruction of everything from Little Red Riding Hood to Three Little Pigs.

These characters aren't flat and complete opposites of their real-life components, but hilarious and actual characters. My favourite would have to be Julian, the runt of the three little pigs.

I also love the way the typical 'story' structure is commented on, and how nothing in Fairytale land happens without a point (plot point or otherwise).

The ending that isn't as funny as you'd hope, but rhis is one of those books where you've got to say, who cares? The point of this book is the glorious middle section.

[Dark-Draco · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another masterpiece from Tom Holt.

Hackers crash the Wicked Queen's Mirrors Opertaing system, so fairy tale land needs rebooting - only Snow White is in control, the Seven Samurai are fighting the Dwarf with no name, the Big Bad Wolf has been turned into Prince Charming, the Three Little Pigs keep blowing up their house, the Brothers Grimm are trying a hostile takeover and all Dr. Frankenstein can create is a small wooden boy whose nose keeps growing. All on all, not a place you want to be trapped in!

I laughed out loud in places - it was so good. A brilliant concept and so recognisable that you could just imagine this happening - almost!!

[Yvette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was an interesting book after you completed the book you felt that fairy tales is just a figment of your imagination and you can write the story how you want it. In life there is good and bad and something's must not be muddled in . You might do it with the best intentions but boy oh boy. As the saying goes the way to hell is paved with good intentions. Greed and vanity and power is evils that appear all throughout the story. And true to it's nature everybody lives happily ever after.

[Jaime · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was terrible, one of the worst books I've read all year!

I picked this book up at a lovely second hand bookstore. When I saw the cover and the synsposis I thought "wow this seems hilarious, I can't wait to read this". Let me tell you, that was the only time I enjoyed anything about this book. It had so much potential but it crumbled under the pressure.

Three siblings hack their way into Fairyland which causes a huge number of catastrophes. They enter the world as three blind mice, not too pleased with their characters they ask the Magic Mirror to turn them back into human children. Sounds simple enough but the children crash the Magic Mirror Operating System (basically Windows if we lived in a computer stimulation) and all havoc breaks loose.

This story had the potential to be the novel that Shrek is to the movie world. Unlike Shrek there was absolutely no plot, no main characters, and bad dialogue. It wasn't until the last quarter of the book that a plot started to take place, but it's too late at that point.

I spent 200 pages being confused, and definitely not laughing out loud - which I expected as the cover says the book is filled with "cracking gags" 😂 that might be the funniest thing written in this novel.

On top of this the ending was horrific, super lame, and very anti climactic.

Should you read this book? Definitely not, don't let the concept fool you. What a terrible read.

[Gareth Howells · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a bit of a 'stew' - lots of seemingly unrelated events that pass like ships in the night, then go full circle and pass again, and so on, until the conclusion at the end, when most of the bulk of the middle seems far less important than it was when you were reading it. The point, I imagine, is to make you laugh. Nothing wrong with that, but Holt's style is more the kind of humour that makes me smile rather than laugh out loud, so it's hard to get fully into the narrative sometimes.
It's well put together, and uses many fairytales (and some characters from literature) to create a fun farce about fantasy tropes.

[Hboyd · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting concept, but not funny enough to pull of the lack of a plot. Tries to copy Douglas Adams' model, doesn't manage it. Disappointing and a little boring. While some of the jokes may have provoked a very mild smile, there was no evidence of the "cracking gags" promised on the cover. Too bad.

[Chris Naylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like all of Tom Holt's novels, this is a lot of fun. Imaginative, cleverly written, and amusing.

[Anneke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhere between 3 and 4 stars for me. There were parts I really enjoyed but somehow the story didnt quite grab me. Could also just be because I am so busy, it is hard to find the time to read.

[Paul Harmon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I apologize Mr. Holt as you are a good writer but your rating must suffer since my overall enjoyment of the book was very minimal. This may not be solely your fault but more a statement on how I realized while reading just how fed up I am with Fairy tale rip offs and reinventions.

Once the entertainment industries dig up a bone they keep digging until they have uncovered an entire herd of dinosaurs and stripped the land barren like they did with vampires.
The recent spat of horrible fable and fairy tale movies from Snow White to Jack to Noah. The recent run of decent TV shows Like Once upon a time and Grimm and the many books written from Holt to Hines to Fforde etc. I'm just supersaturated with fairy tale entertainment and can't take any more, whether the source be Grimms, Aesop's, Hans Christian Anderson or the Bibles I just have reached the limit.

I wonder what will be run into the ground next after they are done with Zombies? Angels maybe? Who knows.

[Sandy Millin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first read this book (twice) at the age of 15, having taken it with me on French exchange, with nothing else to read once I'd finished it. It was second Tom Holt, after Only Human, and I really enjoyed it.
A couple of weeks ago I was at home with nothing to read and picked it up again. The fairy tale references are still just as clever, although as another reviewer has said, the tech references are now fairly dated, but I think most of them are still understandable (though I'm not sure if that will be true for later generations). I'd forgotten the plot twists, so still found it quite a page-turner, but the end was fairly disappointing - it all seems to happen too suddenly. I'd still recommend it if you want a light, unchallenging read though.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like Holt, although sometimes his books are hard to follow. This story was good, it was fun and it was messy, probably not that original given I have seen this before, but I've got to give credit where credit's due. He knew exactly how to mix everything up and still not lose sight of them. I would've have lost half the characters halfway up the story, so that was impressive.
It got a little tiresome towards the middle and it ended too easy for my taste, but since I wasn't expecting any of that, it's good. I liked it. It made my brain think a lot.

[James Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious comic fantasy in which human hackers disrupt the fairy-tale world's information system (ingeniously called Mirrors!). Much confusion ensues as the fairy tales become mixed and muddled. It is very funny throughout and has a clever plot. Well-written and easy to get along with.

[Bcoghill Coghill · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love Jasper Fforde's Thursday Next novels but did not like the Nursery Rhyme mysteries. I think that I feel toward T. Holt's book as I did toward the Nursery Rhyme books.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Started very promising but failed to deliver ( for me, at least).

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book didn't really click for me. It's humorous fantasy, which can be really difficult to pull off and won't connect with every reader. Humor is very hit or miss for me - unfortunately this was more of a miss for my taste.

Tom Holt also publishes more serious fantasy under the name of K. J. Parker. I had previously read Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City from the same author under his K. J. Parker name. It was one of the funniest books and best things I read in 2019. I was hoping for something similar with this book, but they turned out to be pretty wildly different.

Snow White and the Seven Samurai is a very light take on fractured fairytales. Essentially some modern-ish day kids "hack" their way into Fairyland and cause all kinds of problems when they immediately crash the Magic Mirror (you know, instead of Windows) operating system. I felt like a lot of the story was designed around the silly puns and language play the author leaned into, rather than telling a cohesive story.

If you're after a super light and punny read, this might work for you. It didn't quite do it for me. It did however finish my hard mode bingo card by having both a color and a number in the title, so that was a win!

[Tania Rook · Rating 4 out of 5]

You have to get your head in the right space to read this book. It is a children's book, in the same way Lord of the Rings is a children's book. You can read it at any age you want, but if you're older than the last big shift in how your brain works, this isn't really for you. And given it is written by someone with a brain in the same space as yours, it's a little bit condescending. It's also limiting. Like there is forbidden knowledge to young minds that must not be revealed.

Beyond that limitation, this is a really good story. It is light and funny and full of farce. Holt goes wide, not deep. If you're looking for books to add to your Snow White cannon, this arguably isn't one of them. I mean, like the original fairytale, the real story is about the Queen and not Snow herself, but unlike any cannon version (except, ironically, the film Grimm's Snow White (2012)), Snow is blond. Like, how is Snow blond? She is created by a spell, requesting 'skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as the wood of the window frame'. The original Queen gives her life in pursuit of this perfection, the least we can do is honour her wishes. Besides, a blond Snow is Arian - this is a German fairytale.

Other than that, no notes.

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

An Orc in the Wild Side was so good that I ignored my rule and dug up a book from the era (basically, almost everything pre-The Portable Door) when Holt had not yet achieved mastery of comic fantasy. This one shows promise, as how couldn't it, but it also has the standard flaws of 20th-century Holt: too scattershot, too many ideas and plots competing for attention, some less than brilliant jokes (including several sub-Stephen Pastis-level puns) and computer jokes that scream "1990s." (Fair enough; it was the 1990s.) Sticking to his current output from now on.

[Liana · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book began with so much potential for wit and satire. However, Holt tried too hard. There were far too many literary devices used as asides and one-liners, and many missed the mark and were very pedestrian. It became a book of one-liner similes and allusions, rather than plot and character. He also became bogged down in repetitive and over-explained pseudo-tech speak. The plot was difficult to follow, with so many interruptions. It lost its pace and flow. Such an unfortunate read from a good author and great idea.

[Blair · Rating 3 out of 5]

It might have been my state of mind over the last few weeks, but I just couldn't get into this book like I have with other Tom Holt works. I usually enjoy his lunacy but I found this book to be disjointed and hard to follow. Too much stuff going on without a solid structure underneath. I really liked the idea but I felt like the Benny Hill theme song should be playing throughout most of the book as a host of not well defined characters ran around willy-nilly.

[Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holt, Tom. Snow White and the Seven Samurai. 1999. Orbit UK, 2004.
A teenage gamer hacks into the magic mirror operating system (DOS, in case you wondered) and gets himself and his sister sucked into the world of the story and soon all the other Grimm stories as well. Fun. I always wanted the three little pigs to have rocket launchers, sibling rivalry, and real engineering skills. It is not quite as stylish as Jasper Fforde’s Nursery Crimes series, but chuckles are to be had still.

[Jessewolff · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first, the story had convoluted sentence structure and confusing similes. As the story progressed, the writing became better. I had a feeling the author was trying for a style similar to Douglas Adams or Terry Pratchett. Overall, a fun read though it would have been better with more editing.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

This reminded me a lot of Jasper Fforde's work, although I think Holt had the idea first. It was entertaining but about half way through it started to get too complicated. Even though it was a short book, I wasn't sure at the end exactly what had happened.

[Davidg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining, but over complicated, mixing of well-known fairy tales. As others have said, the IT references do date the book. I enjoyed the fairy tale world but was less convinced by the way the ‘real’ world is involved.

[Noah Litle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny. It took me forever to finish reading it though, because it wasn't particularly gripping. That said, I think the structure and foreshadowing was on point. I'll have to read it again someday.