The Keys to My Diary

The Keys to My Diary #1

by Ann Omasta

Alternate cover edition for B00KUX0NAE

Hi, there! Would YOU like to take a peek in my diary?

Wait, we haven't been introduced. My name is Fern, and by some wonderful stroke of good luck, I live in the beautiful, tropical Florida Keys.

My life is wacky, often wild, and always entertaining. From my love-hate relationship with the book, The Secret, to my encounters with cursing parrots and skittering crabs, the summations of my offbeat life will make you laugh right along with me.

It is a particularly exciting year because I finally meet the man of my dreams! Or is he?

This fast-paced story is an intimate look inside my life as I go all-in and hand over the keys to my diary. Go ahead...Take a PEEK!

Spend some time with the lady Kirkus Reviews calls 'fun, likable company.' Get your copy of The Keys to My Diary ~ Fern today.

P.S. Now featuring a BONUS epilogue!

Genres: Romance, Chick Lit, Fiction, Contemporary Romance, Contemporary, Amazon, Womens Fiction

202 pages, Paperback

First published June 7, 2014

About the author

Ann Omasta is a USA Today bestselling author.

Subscribe to her YouTube channel for FREE audiobooks! https://www.youtube.com/@annomastaauthor

Here is a Top 10 list from Ann about her likes, dislikes, and oddities:

1. I despise whipped cream. There, I admitted it in writing. Let the ridiculing begin.
2. Even though I have lived as far south as Key Largo, Florida and as far north as Maine, I landed in the middle.
3. If I don't make a conscious effort not to, I will drink nothing but tea morning, noon and night. Hot tea, sweet tea, green tea––I love it all.
4. There doesn't seem to be much in life that is better than coming home to a couple of big dogs who are overjoyed to see me. My other family members usually show significantly less enthusiasm about my return.
5. Singing in my bestest, loudest voice does not make my family put on their happy faces. This includes the big, loving dogs referenced above.
6. Yes, I am aware that bestest is not a word.
7. Dorothy was right. There's no place like home.
8. All of the numerous bottles in my shower must be lined up with their labels facing out. It makes me feel a little like Julia Roberts' mean husband from the movie 'Sleeping with the Enemy,' but I can't seem to control this particular quirk.
9. I love, love, love finding a great bargain.
10. Did I mention that I hate whipped cream? It makes my stomach churn to look at it, touch it, smell it, or even think about it. Great––now I'm thinking about it. Ick!

** Ann would LOVE to send you a free novella ~ Aloha, Baby! Visit annomasta.com to let her know where to send it.

Reviews

[Kristin · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is such a stupid book. I cannot believe I wasted so much of my time actually reading the whole thing. Fern is 42 going on 15. So immature and superficial. I will not be reaching for any others from this author anytime soon.

[Carol · Rating 1 out of 5]

The narrator is definitely not your typical contemporary romance heroine. She is 42 and writes like strange ditzy 19 year old.

For example:

"OMG! My own body just gave me the worst birthday-week present ever. I don’t even know how to write about it, but I need to get it out, and I’m sure not going to discuss it with anyone."

What is this gawd awful thing?? Please do tell us.

"Okay, here goes, I’m just going to have to write it. Deep breath...I have a gray pube! Ick!"

EW. WHY WAS I EVER CURIOUS. Oh and there is more:

"To see a wiry, white one poking out from the group was absolutely devastating. Am I that old? Is this what I have to look forward to?"

I'm sure there are more devastating things in life than a...grey pube. Yes, grey isn't something to look forward to, but what were you expecting? To be exempt from the normal characteristics you live in ignorant bliss, so ignorant you think yoga stretches are going to make your pubic hair black?

Kay no. Byeeeee.

[Coco.V]

🎁 FREE on Amazon today (9/17/2019)! 🎁

[Ellen Peterson · Rating 2 out of 5]

A shallow, whiny, non-story.

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wait wait wait wait wait.... WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?
Did not see that ending coming !!

[Atiqah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fern has a billionaire boyfriend that comes down to the Florida Keys on occasion to spend time with Fern. He often has to take off for work without giving her much information other than how long he’ll be away. He never shares the nature of his work but when he’s there, Fern has a blast and finds herself helplessly falling more in love with him.

It feels like you’re reading your best friend’s diary. The character Fern is sincere and non-pretentious. That means that she is, all at the same time, selfless and selfish, funny and whiny, wise and petty, much like most of us actually are when writing in a diary. Let’s face it, we write some pretty judgemental stuff in there if we truly believe nobody else reads it.

Read full review on Bookmarks & Blue Light

[Gavin Ough · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ferm's journal details her sometimes heartwarming, sometimes heartbreaking new relationship with Mac. With a healthy dose of humour, The Keys to my Diary covers such topics as "colorful cursing parrots, elongated sagging testicles, suicidal skittering crabs, disgusting boyfriends of roommates, a frighteningly miniscule penis, a giant roach from my shoe, Jimmy Buffett’s clone or Jimmy Buffett himself, a swinging couple who wanted to have a foursome (not the golfing kind), [and] nudie pictures of men.

A fun, funny read.

[Klara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I struggled to read the book for the first 60 pages. It didn't particularly captivate me initially, but as I continued, it became more interesting. I liked the unexpected twist in the plot. I was especially intrigued by her obsession with the idea of applying everything as in the book "The Secret." In reading, I experienced boredom, joy, sadness, and anger. Brace yourselves to accompany Fern through a year of her life.

[Pam · Rating 3 out of 5]

The KEYS to my Diary- Fern is by Ann Omasta. This novel is told through Fern Burns’ diary. This is definitely not my favorite format of a book which is designed to tell a romance story. It is fine if it is a true diary; but not in this case. The story is cute and funny once you get past the format.
Fern Burns really didn’t like her name. She had been picked on since she was little. It definitely didn’t lead to any type of romance as she grew older. The diary begins on her 25th birthday on St. Patrick’s Day. She had started a new diary on this day since she was twelve and her Grandmother had given her a diary. It was more like a journal in which she wrote whenever she felt like it. It wasn’t necessarily written in every day.
Fern lived in Key Largo in the Florida Keys. She loved the area as well as the activities that came with it. She had a job at The Keys Yacht Club which was a very exclusive club. She was basically a cabana girl. She didn’t mind the lagoon or the guest pool; but didn’t like the member pool where she would be mistaken for a food server and definitely didn’t like the Stand where she handed out towels and took them back in. She was thinking of asking for an inside job. She was also thinking of looking for an apartment of her own, even if it meant paying rent. She was now sharing with three other girls who worked for the Club. It wasn’t working out.
On March 31, she started reading The Secret which was an Oprah book. She really liked the book and the message it sent. She started thinking positively instead of negatively. She went out and found an apartment of her own and started being positive to the club members. She even applied for an Administrative Assistant job in the Food and Beverage division. She didn’t have a lot of qualifications for the job; but she was positive she could do it.
Then she met the club member with the black card! He was gorgeous and definitely wealthy. She somehow managed to catch his attention and he suggested they go out. She found him to be really nice, polite, and very down-to-earth for someone with money. She found herself really liking him. So when would the bottom drop out or will it?
It is just a cute book except for the format.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

#thekeystomydiaryfern
#annomasta
#romance
#audible
#audiobook
⭐⭐⭐
Let's be honest... If I was actually reading this book, it probably would have been a DNF for me. BUT since I was listening to this through Alexa while doing other things around the house like cervical traction and mending clothes by hand, I found it amusing. I must tell you though, my husband walked in just as she was talking about a tragically tiny penis she encountered on a date. My husband's not squeamish about hearing/making slong jokes or anything like that. He was just shocked to hear the bluntness from one of my books. "What are you listening to?" Frankly, I was too. But that's not what threw me off the book.

This book is about a 42 year old woman with a job that sucks and is going nowhere. She lives in the Florida Keys. She suddenly meets a billionaire at work and her life changes.

Amusing as an audio, probably/possibly not so much as a book. I just thought the story was Meh. You only get to know Fern, nobody else. I think the author is saving that up for the rest of the series. I highly doubt that I'll be listening to others. Just not for me. There are a few erotic scenes but again, that's not what put me off. I guess it was the bluntness of the writing. I think I'm used to a little bit more finesse in writing.

#bookstagram #bookreview #booknerds #booknerd #bookworm #booklover #bookdragon #readalot #ilovereading #inkdrinker #librarymouse #bookaddict #bookaddiction #booknerdigan #bookish #booknerdbookreviews #bookaholic

[Lynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just couldn’t get into this book for the first few chapters and almost stopped reading it all together. It seemed like the diary of a negative person, going through a funk. Well, we are mid pandemic so if I want to read about any of that, all I have to do is hop on social. But I couldn’t sleep one night so at 2AM, I went back to it since it was already in my kindle account, waiting for me. It definitely got more interesting and upbeat and I think the fact I’ve been to the Keys made it more enjoyable. I thought Fern was a bit annoying at times when she didn’t command more of the relationship, or ask questions about where he was and who he was with and I think the friend group could have been played up more since those characters must have amazing stories from all the tourists they bring out on their boats, but overall, the final 2/3rds were entertaining. Nothing that keeps you up In suspense of what happens next but enough to make you wonder how things turn out with Marina and Fern. And it gave a quick peek into island life and a welcome reminder of those stunning sunsets at Mallory Square. All in all, I’d put it in the beach read or cozy winter read section. You could probably read the full book in a day.

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

What is the appeal of a dumb-as-rocks heroine?

Fern Burns is the dumbest main character I have ever had the displeasure to read. A 37ish woman (some reviewers say she's 42, but I was unable to find the source for that) who narrates with the naivete of a 16-year-old and the maturity to match. The decision-making at times was so astonishingly lacking in insight, self-preservation, empathy or basic common sense, I wondered at her ability to string words together, let alone write. The audacity was spectacle-worthy and almost insulting to women as a gender.

Not that men came out much better in this story.

If there was a negative star rating system for this book, I would max it out.

Genuinely, what was the intent by this author at making this character so surface-deep intellectually and emotionally? Was it an attempt at comedy? Satire? A play on tropes by way of exaggeration? Was it wish fulfillment?

Let us begin with Jared. Jared was a seemingly wonderful, mature and generous guy that was seemingly perfect according to Fern except for one thing. And the one thing isn't the fact he's part of her friend group or that she works with him, if in different departments.

It's the fact he had, in her words, a micropenis.

Now people can make whatever they want a deal-breaker and sexual incompatibility is a thing. But the way Fern went on and on and on about the size of his dick and in the way she did, even in a diary, was so damn cruel it was unattractive.

Then there's the way she wrote about coworkers who she thinks are gay, and her biggest hint is the way they are ignoring the flirtations and come-ons from a pair of good-looking twins, one of whom also is a coworker. Which is so damn insulting in how it leaned into an absurd stereotype, nevermind the insinuations of microaggressions against them.

But the biggest, and I felt most egregious, sin of this book was the fact that the main conflict driving the plot of this book could have been solved with a simple Google search, which I confirmed at about the 200 page mark does exist in this world and is easily accessible to her.

That her and her friends seemingly never took that step to check the internet despite all parties expressing curiosity and concern is beyond belief and is so completely unreasonable of a plot hole it defies any excuses for the oversight. The setting may be Florida, a state not renowned for its intellectuals as late, but one would expect at least one person among a group of Floridians to own a high enough IQ to come up with the idea to Google a rich person.

Some miscommunications, misunderstandings and ignorance can be forgiven in a novel. This one extends this far beyond what is acceptable to almost insult the intelligence of the reader.

There was disappointment that the ending did not involve a twist where we find out Fern is an unreliable narrator who fabricated everything in her diary because she's miserable, has regrets and is desperately lonely.

Would have made it a better book. And at least then, there would be a point to this exercise. Of which I never did find the point of it.

[Aurora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Set in the trendy, romantic Florida Keys, this sweet and steamy story chronicles a year in the life of Fern, a resort worker at an exclusive yacht club in the Florida keys. When a dreamboat with a black metal resort card, the creme de la creme of memberships at the resort stops to buy a bottle of water while she's working the towel stand, Fern is completely smitten. That chance encounter leads to an entire year of sweet romance, hot sex and endless new and unexperiences, carefully chronicled by Fern in a charming, candid, often funny, occasionally heart breaking story that contemporary romance fans will love.
I couldn't help but be drawn to Fern and all her friends and Mac is the ultimate book boyfriend, rich, romantic, considerate, easy on the eyes and a bit mysterious. Add in an exotic locale and a romance that's sweet in public and hot between the sheets and you've got the perfect storm in contemporary romance. 5 stars for this one.

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fun listen! Read to us directly from Fern's diary, we get to hear her inner most thoughts on her daily life. From her job, and friends to her love life, we have an inside look at her most precious thoughts and serious worries. I loved getting to know Fern. Omasta writes the book as if she is talking to her diary,and the one way conversations were leaving me laughing out loud and giving real thought to some of her questions. It's an interesting way to get to know a character.I have to say, I loved her budding relationship with her "black card" member, Mac and their crazy excursions. In true diary fashion, we get to hear all the judgemental, worries, loves, secrets and hopes that Fern has figuring no one is every going to read it. And the epilogue is just a huge plus! Omasta narrates the book too, so we get the full feel of Fern. It's a blast.

[Alexandra · Rating 1 out of 5]

1) Being manipulated into a relationship Isn't romantic no matter how the author glorifies it

2) I can't blame the author's writing style for how immature Fern comes across in her diary, I know I haven't yet grown out of my teenage melodrama either and that's okay for a personal diary... But I don't understand the lack of self awareness on improving herself. "I think this has made me depressed" "I didn't used to be like this before Mac came into my life" okay and what is Fern doing about that??? Seeking medical help? Getting counselling? Oh no just waiting around for Mac to give her a second of attention and then going back to being absolutely ecstatic with her life because Mac's back in it. Mhmmm

3) Didn't end properly, just leads you to wait for a sequel...

I'm glad this was free.

[Joycee · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just can’t get past a comment that another reviewer wrote, about how Fern comes off as an adolescent rather than the forty-something woman she is. I get that they’re diary entries, and Fern is not an author by profession, but the writing is a tad simplistic. The conflict, as late as it appeared, also seemed almost anti-climactic and was resolved rather too neatly and easily.

But I’m glad that Fern and MAC found their HEA, even if they acknowledge that neither is perfect. But they’re good for each other!

Where was Angela’s comeuppance? Did Ms. Omasta just mean to imply that her venomous character just isn’t worth further energy on? 😁

[Lisa Holyk · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read. Nice but tries a bit hard to be funny and is very predictable. The "big twist" was something that I had figured out immediately. As far as trying too hard to be funny, such things as going crazy about a grey pub. Seriously? Not sure how old she is supposed to be but resorts like that don't have 40 or 50 year old women doing that job and frankly, who stares at their crotch long enough to even notice a single grey? Anyway, it is a quick light read, just don't have high expectations.

[ashley palmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is just like reading your best friends diary!
Set in the Florida Keys Fern age 42 has a monotonous job and a tiny apartment attic apartment. That is until she meets Billionaire Mac " the man of her dreams". Fern continues working for the resort and keeps her tiny apartment but has wonderful weekend rendezvous with Mac. Big twist at the end!!

Very slow in the beginning but I was captivated after the first couple of pages. I love ferns narration and the fact that you can relate because its all her raw emotions. It would be a great beach read!

[Rosemary Hughes]

I have submitted this review after listening to the audiobook of this title.

Okay, I am a fan of positive thinking, and this tale relates how turning thoughts from negative to positive may actually get the universe to work with you and not against you.
The other thing I took from this tale, is that assumptions about certain things could come back to bite you, but also non disclosure of the whole truth is almost as telling a flat out lie.
Yes, I was entertained and my attention held, by this story, and I look forward to listening to the other books in this series.

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading Fern's story through her journal entries. Fern is a lady in her early 40's who lives in Florida where she works at a club. She stumbled across The Secret a book she always wanted to read and that's when her life starts to change. She moves to her own apartment, away from annoying roommate's boyfriends, gets an office job and meets a terrific black card club member. I'm only giving 4 stars though as I would have wished to know if Fern succeeds when she gets to Miami.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute, sweet, funny

I was looking for a romance that wasn't super sweet and predictable, something a bit different and this is it. Reading someone's diary, whether it's a normal laundry /errand day, or being swept off her feet by romantic gestures, is just fun! Nice to see that journaling is not a waste of time! I recommend this series to anyone in a rut! It's funny, sweet, enduring and an all-around awesome read!

[Regina Mastrogiacomo · Rating 3 out of 5]

From the cover I thought I was getting an involved story, instead I read a story about a woman who seemed inexperience in life,and excepts what people give her without evening questioning who they actually are.

Who in this day and age doesn’t checkout who they are going out with, or wear protection when going to bed with someone. I couldn’t believe after reading that the woman was 42 years old and not 20.

The ending is not conclusive.

[Chelsea Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

Fern is an immature woman who writes her most memorable life occurrences in her diary. There's nothing wrong with writing in a diary but fern is truly ridiculous. Shes working at a country club for minimum wage and cohabiting with 3 other young women in an onsite lodge. Theres nothing truly great about this story aside from her description of people and her adventures with her new love interest Brody. It's a very quick read that you'll breeze through so fast you'll forget you read it.

[Ellen White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forty two I would say 24, for seemed young in some of them. Then again maybe we still have child like thoughts at any age A diary written from childhood. This was Fern‘s life, I thought interesting as she changed and her thoughts as she got older, the narration was good, and brought the story of her life out, as though you know her now. Given ARCc audio for my voluntary review and my honest opinion

[Lois Keel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A cute little romance story

Fern lives in the FL Keys and until she decides she is too old to keep living with 3 young twenty somethings and decides to get her own place a new better paying job when she meets the most glorious man and he appears to be a billionaire with a huge yacht docked at the club Fern works at. The flirting is filled with all the first crush feelings ever.that you remember and away we go on a wild romantic ride with a billionaire or maybe not?

[Barbara Watson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had listened to this book a couple of years ago as an "adult bedtime story" and started listening again last night, having forgotten I'd read it. I was impressed, once I realized this was my second time, how much I remembered. Cute story. Not the best bedtime story as I finished the book and didn't get much sleep... A bit too much sex for this old lady but an interesting and well told story.

[Lori Dirker · Rating 5 out of 5]

You'll adore Fern Burns. Journalling since 12 years old, the now 42 year old Fern lives in Key Largo Florida and works as cabana girl at The Keys Yacht Club. The reader gets to peek into the world of a funny, quirky, caring, and naughty woman. In this dairy you also get to meet Marina and Trixie and their Ragtag group of friends.

[Bobbie Metzger · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no Prince charming

I am 70 years old and http been married for over 50 of them. This book is fiction I realize but fiction and fairytale as far as I'm concerned can be worlds apart. This wasn't even remotely akin to reality. Had to skip to the end just to get it over with.

[Nancy Brady · Rating 3 out of 5]

A contemporary romance between a 42-year-old woman, Fern Burns, and Brody MacDonald (Mac), a hot, handsome, rich hunk...all told from the perspective of Fern through her diary entries over the course of a year.

From the good to the bad, to the mundane to the humorous, Fern tells it all. Set in sunny Florida, in the Keys, she and Mac have some incredible adventures.

[Bentonkk · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a free book from amazon - so glad I downloaded. If you kept a diary - you will enjoy this book. So many funny things happen - I was laughing out loud on a few of them. Thinking I may purchase the other two - nice easy read - new author - keeping on my list to see what else comes out from her