Getting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together

by Tammy Nelson

A proven couples counseling method applied to sex for the very first time. Communication problems can erode a relationship in and out of the bedroom. This guide takes a proven communication method, which has been used to counsel millions of couples, and applies it to sex for the very first time. The Imago Relationship Therapy, which was pioneered by Harville Hendrix in the national bestseller and self-help classic Getting the Love You Want , shows readers how to understand and build trust with their partners through a unique form of dialogue. Getting the Sex You Want teaches readers how to build sexual communication skills quickly and connect with their partner in a new way. Readers learn exercises that enable them to communicate their sexual needs and desires, get past old issues, and revive passion in their relationship.

Genres: Sexuality, Self Help, Mental Health, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology, Reference

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Tammy Nelson, PhD, is a world-renowned expert in relationships, a psychotherapist in private practice, and the author of The New Monogamy. In addition, Nelson is a popular lecturer around the world on sexuality and human relationships and global relational change. She is a board-certified sexologist, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, a licensed professional counselor, and a certified Imago relationship therapist. She resides in the New York City area, where she works in her private practice treating couples who are looking to restore passion to their relationships, recover from infidelity, and create their new monogamy, one agreement at a time.

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book was geared more towards men which is a great thing. The book offers many ideas, some which seem like no-brainers to me, but if they were being implemented why would you be reading them? It can definately help increase sexual communication. Great read.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Couples, lacking a framework for discussing sexuality and possibly even comfort with tackling the topic, can drift along with a routine sexual playbook. What is delightful (knowing one another's bodies) runs the risk of becoming stale, leaving little room for sexual diversion, play, or expansion. Interia precludes new ways of acting in the bedroom as time persists. Nelson looks to puncture the balloon of the mundane with the Imago couple's therapy method scaffolding a couple's discussion of sex. Once she illustrates the mirroring, validating, and empathizing structure that is an Imago conversation, she segues into using Imago to explore one another sexually. Nelson shows readers how to find previously unknown delightful touches - where on the body and how can slowly be uncovered. Discussing and holding space for sexual fantasies often boosts emotional closeness which in turn boosts desire. Rating our sexual curiosity level on fantasies allows us to understand where our partner enjoys a fantasy and where their deepest desires lie (and how it merges with ours). Anatomy, often the beginning of learning about sex, is the last chapter, an apt reminder that our brain is our most important sex organ. If we can communicate what feels good and support one another's sexual interests, we can use that as a scaffold for using understanding of anatomy to our advantage. At times the structure of each exercise is going to sound repetitive, but it emphasizes how critical holding space for our partner's sexual attitudes is to our sexual blossoming as a couple and a key to erotic passion.

*** for more relationship resources, please visit my website www.thecouplessyllabus.com ***

[Jenna Callaghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super useful exercises to improve intimacy with couples. My problem was the redundancy and layout. I felt like I read the same point three different times, in slightly different sentences. I will continue to use this as a resource, of course! But the read was a bit tough

[Andreea Ciubucă · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too rigid and not practical. It's based on communication more than action. I don't believe it's quite possible to implement. It's more on self development than scientific research.

[Anita Wagner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure of meeting this author at a conference in April 2012 and attending one of her workshops. She is truly awesome, another brilliant voice and telling it like it is. She has a new book coming out in January 2013 called The New Monogamy, Redefining Your Relationship after infidelity. She has a lot of experience as a therapist helping her clients recover from affairs, but instead of taking the traditional "back to monogamy" approach to saving relationships where trust has been broken, she takes the radical approach that commitment and trust are possible via redefining formerly monogamous relationships.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting but uses a very rigid discussion format as the heart of the program; some valuable ideas, though. Surprisingly, my husband found the idea of a very structured dialog appealing because of the emotional safety it offers.

[Latasha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm reading this book mainly for giggles... Lots of "couples activities" that are pretty cheesy, but I suppose it keeps "the flame alive." It opens dialogue really well... Even if it does take forever to actually get to the point you want to discuss with your husband.

[Tammy Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous.