I... have a complicated relationship with Gravitation.
It’s basically the problematic first love I’ll never get over. And it may have had a lasting impact on me that I’m not sure I’m entirely grateful for.
It started almost 10 years ago. I discovered the anime when I was maybe 12 or 13, browsing YouTube for AMVs with t.A.T.u. songs in them (another queer-fetishizing guilty pleasure I had when I was ~12). I randomly stumbled upon a Gravitation AMV and, because I couldn't tell if Shuichi was a girl or a guy, I started watching it out of sheer curiosity.
And thus my descent into fujoshi hell and lifelong moral degeneracy began.
So, at 12-ish, I gleefully watched this love story unfold, enamored by the dynamic between Yuki and Shuichi. I adored them in all their angst and silliness. So I decided to read the manga as well, which is actually available in Norwegian (!) at Oslo’s public comic book library. (Just so you know, that’s really weird. Norway thankfully isn’t big on translating manga, but apparently they were back then.)
Anyway, despite disliking the art style in the first 1-5 or so volumes, I loved the manga and even bought the last few volumes myself (the ones where the art style had visibly improved). I still have them on a shelf somewhere in my poor, unknowing mother’s apartment. Let’s hope she never finds them.
The series starts out with a simple enough plot that could almost seem realistic: Boy wants to start a band, boy meets older boy who verbally abuses him for writing terrible lyrics, boy immediately falls in love with said verbal abuser.
But that’s only the beginning of it. It gets so, so weird after a while. The story and all its humorous elements are completely absurd. At some point in the later volumes Shuichi gets a stalker with a mecha panda, if I remember correctly—that should give you some idea of its level of absurdity. There are kidnappings, mecha fights, parodic Americans with too many guns and lighthearted stalking aplenty. I think it’s hilarious that this is one of the most internationally famous BL mangas out there, given how laughably nonsensical everything in it is.
That was also a big part of why I loved it. At 12-14 I was weird as hell, and I'm pretty sure this manga worsened my already bizarre sense of humor. I might be damaged beyond repair, but at least a terrible sense of humor is a fairly harmless side effect of reading something so problematic at such a young age.
The real cause for concern is that this was the first romance story I ever got truly invested in, so in some ways it probably shaped my view of romantic relationships and that’s unfortunate at best. I realize now that the two main characters and their on and off romance are very problematic. Their relationship is unhealthy and abusive, even if it's played for laughs and portrayed as “cute” and “romantic”. It’s addictive in the same way real relationships with hot-and-cold emotional abusers can be addictive, and that’s a very dangerous thing to romanticize.
To be fair, both Shuichi and Yuki emotionally abuse each other to some extent; it’s not like Shuichi is some kind of helpless, harmless victim. He’s kind of a stalker and dangerously obsessive and dependent on Yuki, who responds by being mean and dismissive—sometimes rightfully so, given Shuichi’s irrational behavior. Still, their personalities and dynamic are based on extreme seme/uke stereotypes that are simultaneously very heteronormative and sexist in nature. Which isn’t uncommon in BL and yaoi, of course, but it’s still worthy of criticism whenever it occurs.
I understand why they’re written like that, though. It’s a genre thing, and a rocky relationship between two messed up, emotionally unstable guys definitely makes for a more interesting, dramatic and long romance story than a nice, healthy relationship would. I’m just not sure it was good for me to read this and grow so attached to it in my formative years.
If nothing else, this series does have a lot of entertainment value. It’s occasionally quite funny in all its absurdity and I still remember most of the characters as likeable and amusing. And don’t get me wrong, the two main characters do have a lot of sweet moments and romantic chemistry when they’re actually being nice to each other. They gave me a lot of joy and comfort as a young, confused teen whose most vivid experiences of romantic love were through queer fiction, however dysfunctional the relationship. (Never mind the fact that this is still the case.)
I can’t give this more than 3 stars, but I can’t give it any less. We have too much history together. It’s been many years since I last read it and I’m not sure I’d like it all that much today, but I’ll always have a nostalgic fondness for this fucked up, silly, very problematic BL manga.