The best thing you can be in Mexico is an ugly girl.
My name is Ladydi Garcia Martinez and I have brown skin, brown eyes, and brown frizzy hair, and look like everyone else I know. As a child my mother used to dress me up as a boy and call me Boy. I told everyone a boy was born, she said.
If I were a girl then I would be stolen. All the drug traffickers had to do was hear that there was a pretty girl around and they’d sweep onto our lands in black Escalades and carry the girl off.
Ladydi lives in the state of Guerrero. She describes how mothers were so fearful for their daughters that they would dig holes for them to conceal themselves in the event of any threat. At the first sound of an oncoming SUV, all the girls would hastily retreat to the holes.
The girls are prohibited from going anywhere alone, and their mothers do their best to make them look as unattractive as possible. They are not permitted to wear anything that could be considered feminine, and their teeth and faces are scrubbed with substances designed to make them look dirty. However, none of this can diminish Paula's beauty, which radiates despite the efforts to conceal it. Paula is so stunning that it is only a matter of time before rumors about her beauty reach the narcos. When she reaches the age of fourteen/fifteen, she is stolen.
No girl has ever returned after being stolen. No girl, that is, except for Paula. Paula returned one year after her abduction and did not utter a single word regarding her experiences.
There are no men on their mountain. The men have crossed the river into the United States in pursuit of opportunities, leaving the women behind, powerless against the narcos. When Ladydi's father departs, he does not return.
In addition to Paula, Ladydi's other dearest friends are Estefani and Maria. Maria was born with a harelip and is the only girl in the village who does not have to worry about being kidnapped. One day, doctors arrived at the clinic in Guerrero, accompanied by the army for security, to perform surgery on Maria and a young boy who was born with an extra finger. As Maria matured, the scar from her harelip faded.
One evening, after drinking too much, Ladydi's mother reveals to her that her father, whom she idolizes, had affairs with the mothers of her friends and that Maria is actually her half-sister. As Maria grew, she increasingly resembled Ladydi's father. Her mother insisted that she promise never to reveal to Maria that they were half-sisters.
Maria’s hand slipped into mine. I did not need to turn and look at her to know it was her small, cool hand like an apple peel. We would recognize each other in the dark and even in a dream.
One day, the sound of approaching SUVs is heard, prompting Ladydi's mother to instruct her to conceal herself in the hole. When the men arrive at their property, they ask her mother where her daughter is. She claims she has no daughter. The men don't believe her and spray their house with bullets, but they don't find Ladydi.
Ladydi secures a position as a nanny for a wealthy family in Acapulco after school concludes. Before her departure, Paula finally reveals what happened to her. She explains that she was taken to a ranch located right on the U.S. border and was forced to become a slave-mistress for a prominent drug trafficker. She mentions that there were other girls and women present who were also victims of trafficking. They were sold to rich men.
Paula is no longer the same girl she used to be. Her mental state has changed significantly. She regresses to a childlike state, and her mother treats her accordingly. She will never become the woman she was meant to be. Soon after, Paula and her mother leave the mountain and don't come back.
What are you doing with a gun, Mama?
My mother stopped and was quiet for a moment.
What gun?
What are you doing with a gun, Mama?
Some men need killing, my mother answered.
Ladydi, who is now seventeen, spends her days in the large house alongside the maid, anticipating the family's return from their vacation. She meets Julio, the family's gardener, who is in his early twenties, and quickly falls deeply in love with him. As time passes, they come to realize that the family will not be returning. The maid watches the news and discovers what she had suspected all along: the family was killed months ago, and it has only just been confirmed who they were. This is the reality they all understand: there are empty houses scattered throughout Mexico, waiting for families that will never return home.
The three of them remained in the house for several months. Ladydi is infatuated with Julio and sees all his red flags as green (we've all been there). He treats her well, but he has a shady past, and I found their relationship repulsive.
He liked to treat me like a child. I expected him to take a tissue out of his pocket and wipe my nose. He acted like he was taking me to the candy store. I loved to be his little baby and so I skipped at his side and forgot that he was a killer.
The latter half of the book contains numerous plot twists, and I prefer not to reveal any details in case some of you choose to read it.
My favorite aspects of the book were the relationships Ladydi had with her mother and Maria. I adored her mother, who has zero chill. I loved how deeply Ladydi cares for Maria, even after discovering that she is the product of her father's affair. If I Die in Juárez by Stella Pope Duarte continues to haunt me. Prayers for the Stolen delves into similar themes but is less brutal than If I Die in Juárez. I will be thinking about the girls from both stories for a long time.
Engaging with these kinds of books has led me to reflect on my personal experiences. It's remarkable what some men will say and do without facing any repercussions.
He said, How can you all live like this, in a world without any men? How?
Do you ever watch television, Mr. Rosa? my mother asked in that too-slow tone of hers that she’d get into when she was angry.
You men don’t get it, yet, do you? she said. This is a land of women. Mexico belongs to women.
My PFTS playlist:
The Neighbourhood - RIP 2 My Youth
Madalen Duke - How Villains Are Made
Billie Eilish - Hostage
NF - Trauma
Lana Del Rey - Happiness Is a Butterfly
Florence & The Machine - What The Water Gave Me
Carmen Goett - La Llorona