Чистое сердце, просветленный ум. Жизнь и письма ирландской святой дзэн

by Maura O'Halloran, Софья Абашева (Translator)

В свои двадцать лет Мора О'Халлоран участвует в университетских демонстрациях, подговаривает официанток учредить профсоюз и как волонтерка работает с детьми с аутизмом. Мора берет пример с католической святой Матери Терезы, но дома медитирует в позе лотоса, удивляя родных, - в Ирландии 1970-х годов буддийские практики еще не пользуются популярностью. В двадцать четыре она отправляется в Японию без особых планов и три года проводит в буддийском монастыре.
В книге собраны дневники и письма Моры О'Халлоран за эти три года: с начала путешествия в Японию до окончания ученичества в монастыре Тосёдзи. Она стала первой западной женщиной, удостоенной передачи дхармы, и получила право преподавать учение дзэн. Однако на пути из Токио в Дублин Мора погибла в автомобильной аварии - ей было двадцать семь лет. В память о "великой просветленной" в храме Каннондзи установлена статуя Моры в образе бодхисаттвы сострадания.
При всей серьезности духовных исканий интонация О'Халлоран далека от благочестивой отстраненности: в письмах она подшучивает над чванством гавайских кришнаитов, критикует гендерное неравенство и набрасывает план диссертации. Ее дневники свидетельствуют о монашеской жизни, посвященной труду и познанию: "пустота" и другие понятия философии дзэн едва ли поддаются словесному выражению, но варка риса и совместная трапеза день ото дня становятся медитацией.

Genres: Buddhism, Nonfiction, Memoir, Spirituality, Biography, Zen, Religion

280 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

Reviews

[kailin · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first read this book, it was just what I was looking for: soulful, searching, conflicting, thought-provoking, moving, and all set in a very different world than my own. I just re-read it recently, and it didn't fail to impress the second time around. This girl was amazingly courageous and so very driven. The process of reading about her experience in her own words and watching her transform during her time at the monastery was inspiring. She chases enlightenment with her head on fire (I guess that can be taken literally if you're versed in chakras). Personally, I love reading people's journals and letters--maybe I'm a bit voyeuristic, but I always get such a chill out of saying to myself, "Wow..this person wrote these exact words at the exact time he/she was thinking/feeling them! Whoah!" It seems like such a privilege. Most of all, I loved reading about her struggle with her spirituality; always, as she struggles to find peace, the conflicts rage on in her heart and head. I know the feeling! It was refreshing and oddly encouraging to find that all was not peaceful in the monastery, despite appearances to the contrary.

[Harry Allagree · Rating 4 out of 5]

By whatever standard you would use, Maura Soshin O'Halloran (1955-1982) was an amazingly intriguing, strong & gifted woman. I'd never heard of her until I ran across her name in, of all places, a Roman Catholic publication which acknowledged her with a short bio of her as a deeply spiritual person. I say "of all places" because though Maura was the eldest of 6 children in a devout Irish Catholic family, born in Massachusetts, educated in convent schools & Trinity College, Dublin, she is most noted for being an enlightened Zen nun/priest who trained in Japan. In fact, so deeply was she held in esteem & honor by the Buddhist community there, that in 1983 the Maura Kannon Statue was dedicated in her honor by her master, Tetsugyu Ban at the Kannonji Temple in Iwateken. He proclaimed at the dedication: "She is given the posthumous name of 'Great Enlightened Lady, of the same heart and mind as the Great Teacher Buddha...a real incarnation of Kannon Bosatsu to be loved and respected forever."

At several points in the book, Ruth O'Halloran, Maura's mother, now deceased, refers to the extraordinary manner in which Soshin, who was deeply loved by her family, lived her life, before & after she entered the monastery. Tragically, her life came to an abrupt end in October, 1982, at the age of 27, when she was killed in a bus accident in Thailand, as she was on her way back to Ireland.

The book is largely in Soshin/Maura's own words, from her letters & journals. It becomes immediately apparent to the reader what an insightful & skilled writer she was. One can only guess what riches she could've offered to the world, both as a writer & as a human being. One example: in her journal of July 11, 1981, she writes:
"Of late I feel ridiculously happy. No reason. Just bursting with joy. I remember when I was young, deciding to commit suicide at 26. Once one hit 30 one was over the hill, so 26 was far enough to live. I reckoned that if I hadn't got done by then whatever there was to be done, I never would, so I might as well end it. Now I'm 26, and I feel as if I've lived my life. Strange sensation. Almost as if I'm close to death...Everything seems wonderful. Even undesirable, painful conditions have a poignant beauty and exaltation. So in a sense I feel I have died; for myself there is nothing else to strive after, nothing more to make my life worthwhile or to justify...
...but now I have maybe 50 or 60 years (who knows?) of time, of a life, open, blank, ready to offer. I want to live it for other people. What else is there to do with it?...it's as if to give myself is all I can do...At the moment the best I can see to do is to give to people this freedom, this bliss...So I must go deeper and deeper and work hard, no longer for me but for everyone I can help...Thus I should also work politically, work to make people's surroundings that much more tolerable, work for a society that fosters more spiritual, more human, values. A society for people, not profits..."

[Benjamin Volk · Rating 5 out of 5]

The preface says that Maura shows us the truest expression of Zen enlightenment - that this book is a staple in Zen for the western reader. I don’t know much about Zen but her journals taught me more about living than I’ve read in a long time - which I imagine is what Zen is really about. One of those rare books that come along and shakes you. She’s my age and is traveling as I am, and is unsure as I am. And she worries and she cries and she complains about the other monks... she talks about eating soup by the fire and her feet being cold. In no way that a written book could do, these journals express, honestly, the beauty of our existence. That they were never intended to be read by others is their most poignant source of wisdom and empathy.

All the while, its publication reminds me that her life ends when her journal does. Her tragedy is a reminder of our impermanence and of what her enlightenment really meant. Enlightenment is living. Living in practice and in discipline. In working. It is the human existence which is simply there, and then simply isn’t.
I picked this book up at random in a thrift story and it is one which will stay on my shelf forever.

[Kari · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book 15 years ago while living in the Western Pacific. 15 years later I still think about her and her journey. What more can you ask for in a book than one that sticks with you. I intend to read it again because we all know that certain books read you and not the other way around.

[Mark Robison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not expect to be swept away by this book like I was. So readable and marvelous. It's diary entries and letters from an Irish woman in her early to mid-20s after she enters a Zen monastery in Japan as its only female and only Westerner and quickly distinguishes herself as a Zen master.

The reason we're reading her story in this format is that she died in an accident after a bus driver fell asleep at the wheel. But, my, what a life and what a warm, generous, curious person! If the book were five times longer, it wouldn't have been enough.

You see her struggle good-naturedly in a foreign culture where she doesn't know the language and is sent out in the winter snow in sandals to beg for food. And you see her melt the hearts of the stoic men around her. It's like a Hollywood movie. I imagined her as a young Emma Thompson.

So glad I took a chance on this.

[Maria Ryzhova · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have very different from Maura O’Halloran path of life. But how come her words resonate with me so much.
I felt tremendous sadness for her and her mother and all the people who loved her and lost her so suddenly (I consider myself one of those people now). Would she be so sad as well? Maybe she would find an immense beauty in it?

“The bird in the apple blossoms shook the moisture from its feathers and sang. I, in sympathy, shook in my mac and was silent.”

Mu
My skin is raw from the biting cold.
My skin burns from my tears’ salt.
It drops onto my chest.
Runs wet down my breast.
I think
Nothingness

[Kit James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tip-toeing behind a real-live, Irish smart-ass as she self-deprecatingly achieves that which many continuously both seek and deny the existence of: enlightenment, zen, loss of ego. Due to her youth and subsequent untimely death...feels like a note she left for you....
Gives hope to Irish smart-asses everywhere.

[Tina Stroh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this quite awhile ago and just recall that it was very inspiring. A young woman's diary of her experience in a monastery with very austere conditions. It was published by her parents posthumously after she died in a bus crash in Thailand, I think.

[Liza · Rating 2 out of 5]

думала, там будет такое теор-фикшен про буддизм, но это скорее дневники, которые мало что сообщают про устройство монастырей и правила дзен-буддизма. не хватало контекста + не могла запомнить все термины

[Miriam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible, I hadn’t even finished before I bought a hard copy and decided I want to read again slowly. Interesting historically, but just so many insights about being alive and zen from a beautiful but very relatable human. Really inspiring.

[Craig Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

The collected journals and letters of Maura O'Halloran make for an invaluable resource of information concerning the rigors of practicing Zen Buddhism as a temple monk. What I found most interesting is how human Maura's fellow monks come across from her perspective. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I never considered that a Buddhist monk can have a grouchy, lazy, and generally disagreeable personality like Maura's primary antagonist Tetsugen. Maura also describes the political infighting and backbiting that can sometimes occur within the temple. It just goes to show that people are people, no matter what robes they wear. I will say my primary complaint about the book is how difficult it is to keep track of the various people who come in and out of her life. Considering Maura presumably didn't write her journals with any consideration that others would someday read them, she didn't take a lot of time properly introducing each new player in her life. So this leads to a lot of names being casually dropped, leaving the reading scratching their head and asking "Who's that again?" The primary players in her life are easy enough to keep track of, though, such as her teacher Go Roshi and the aforementioned Tetsugen.

It's a shame and a waste that O'Halloran's story ends so abruptly, and tragically, via a traffic accident caused by a drowsy bus driver. However, Maura's death is somewhat softened by her own eerie premonition that perhaps she had reached the end of her life. Either way, at least she had the foresight to keep a meticulous enough record of her experience that it could be read by curious students of Zen years later.

[readingbits ☕️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very important book that offers an insight into the internal world of zen monastic life and training told through the incredibly accomplished voice of Maura O’Halloran. Maura brings a great sense of humanity and accessibility into a practice that can be difficult to find a footing in. She not only highlights the good but more importantly the challenges both internal and external.

I read the expanded version which also included additional letters and Maura’s unfinished novel which added even greater context.

This book is a wonderful achievement from Wisdom Publications and Maura’s family. I am immensely grateful that this book exists and I will carry it close into the future 🙏🏼

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a journey into the heart of a young Irish woman and her path to becoming enlightened. I enjoyed reading about her journey and learning about Buddhism through her experiences. I have much more of an understanding of the Zen way of life now and am inspired by her unending determination to proceed on a path even when the path is challenging in emotional, physical, and many other ways. I identify with her passion to become truly compassionate and it was heartening to read about her journey.

[Gerald McFarland · Rating 5 out of 5]

A remarkable, moving, and deep story of an Irish-American woman in her twenties who goes to Japan to study Zen at a temple at a time (the early 1980s) when few western women were admitted to such training. After barely three years of inspired but extremely arduous training she is ordained as a Buddhist priest, a speed that amazes her fellow monks and teachers. This journal of her activities does not hold back any detail of the ups and downs of the very difficult path she has undertaken. Not an easy read, but an uplifting one.

[claudia v · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how Maura reminds us that no matter where you are on your spiritual path, we're human. There is such honesty in her writing, I find it hugely inspirational. I can only imagine the teacher she would have been today.

[Jeannette · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a limited book -- limited mostly to Maura O'Halloran's journals and letters, those entries and missives written in moments stolen from her 20-hour-plus work and meditation days at Zen monasteries in Tokyo and elsewhere in early 1980s Japan. We are not told how much her words have been edited or polished. She clearly recorded them on the fly, and there is much that's hard to understand in what she chronicles. I had a terrible time keeping track of all the many characters who populate Maura's three years of study, and I kept forgetting the meaning of many Japanese words that are defined only when they're introduced. (A glossary would have helped.)

Still for me this book provided fascinating contrast to The Empty Mirror, written by a Dutch guy who started off on a similar adventure but never came anywhere near experiencing what Maura did. His account feels facile and superficial. Hers at least provided glimpses into what's involved in a serious Buddhist journey. I craved more, but sadly we'll never get it as Maura was killed in a traffic accident not long after being ordained in her Japanese temple.

[koshka siniaia · Rating 5 out of 5]

i knew nothing about Maura O'Halloran before buying this book, and now i am totally in awe and in love. it's silly comparing real people as if they were fictional characters, but since i have a long running fascination with Simone Weil, i couldn't help but notice similarities between these two very different women saints (and yet Maura and her writing seem completely devoid of Weil's masochistic pathos). a brilliant human being, beautiful prose, and a major inspiration for spiritual practice

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very meditative read with a smart-ass of an Irish narrator gaining enlightenment.

[Bretty585 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring read for Zen practitioners or anyone who wishes to understand the motivation and thought process of a human being dedicated to realizing compassion, selflessness, and peace.

[Malum · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating look at someone's personal spiritual journey.

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful touching book. Inspirational.

[Lena · Rating 5 out of 5]

無

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides some intriguing insight into what its like to live within a zen monastery and to experience breakthroughs of meditation practice, such as kensho. Through her letters and journals Maura provides these insights in a meaningful way that reassures the reader that they too can have the same experiences if they are willing to put in the effort. This, to me, feels more real and meaningful than hearing (or reading) about the same experiences had by some ancient masters. I find her writings be very inspirational.

However, along with that comes the ins and outs of monastic life and other sundry topics. (there can't be breakthroughs everyday) Additionally, since this book is composed of letters written to multiple people, the same topics and stories are often repeated and the actual process of reading it can become tedious.

Overall, while it might not be the most exciting read, the detailed accounts of her breakthroughs and what those experiences look and feel like are worth the time invested for those serious about Meditation practice, and zen in particular.

[Polina · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Maintenant j'ai 26 ans et c'est comme si j'avais vécu ma vie. Drôle de sensation. Comme si j'étais proche de la mort. Tous les désirs, ambitions, espoirs que j'ai pu avoir ont été réalisés, ou se sont dissipés spontanément. Je suis entièrement contente. ..si je ne devais connaître que cet éveil dérisoire, superficiel, j'en serai totalement satisfaite. .. Même les situations indésirables, douloureuses contiennent une beauté poignante, et sont exaltantes. Ainsi, d'une certaine manière, je sens que je suis morte. il ne me reste plus rien à poursuivre pour moi-même, plus rien qui vaille la peine, dans ma propre vie, ou qui la justifie. A 26 ans, un cadavre vivant, et une telle vie !
.. Je sais qu'il me reste encore .. une vie ouverte, vierge, prête à offrir. Je veux la vivre pour les autres. Sinon quoi ? Non pas que je m'attende à changer le monde ou bien un brin d'herbe, mais c'est comme si m'offrir moi-même était la seule chose que je puisse faire, comme les fleurs n'ont d'autres choix que de fleurir."

[Michele Abercrombie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was first gifted Maura's memoir in 2014 by a Catholic priest at my university and it's taken me 10 years to read it in full, not because it's difficult to read, or uninteresting, or long, but because it requires a certain amount of readiness and openness and meditativeness I didn't have 10 years ago.

Simultaneously, I think I needed to have it in my possession for 10 years in order to be ready for it, today..

Having rediscovered it, I now find that I've become fully ready to absorb each journal entry and letter and appreciate this collection in its entirety. Up to this point I had opened it many times and read much of it but couldn't bring myself to read it to completion. I think this is okay as each journal entry and letter can exist on its own.

I am also fully appreciating that of all people, a Catholic priest gifted this to me. A memoir about a girl who was raised Catholic, and who converted to Buddhism... this is more significant to me now than ever.

[Eric]

Wow, pretty gripping, and very natural. Very glad I read this. Zen from the inside.

It was the girl's personal diary and some of her letters, living as a Zen monk in Japan. It was very reassuring to see her sort of get the wrong idea in the beginning (and go through a grinning idiot phase), and also to see her struggling with her own pettiness, sense of resentment, etc. Human all the way through. Makes me wonder what the state of Irish Zen is, and what it would have been if it weren't for that sleepy bus driver.

One thing to note before reading this book: there is a glossary. I had somehow missed that fact and read all the way through wishing there was one. So it's there after all, use it and be happy.

Also thought that all this crazy stuff with the koans and the mu was because she was doing Rinzai stuff, but nope! Soto it is. Not that it matters, I guess.

[Talya Rubin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really beautiful account of a young Irish woman's experience as a Buddhist nun in a Japanese monastery. The book is taken from her journals and letters and the writing is raw, open, funny and a rare glimpse into a western perspective in the midst of a totally foreign world. She tragically died in a bus accident soon after leaving the monastery, which could make the book too sad to read, but in fact elevates it to another level - it becomes a true celebration of life.

[Peter · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was part of the reading for my class about Buddhism in college. The nature of Buddhism is such that you will learn more about it from someones personal observations and not from a textbook.

This book is good for someone who wants a personal touch to understanding Buddhism and the fact that the author is from a "western" cultural background helps.

[Irene Prabowo · Rating 3 out of 5]

A spiritual journey written spontaneously by a person who was raised in the western tradition into oriental culture merger. It was hard to see a different culture without prejudice, yet in this book we could see how a girl's open mind could pave her way to an enlightened soul. If you dare to question your faith, you should read this book.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice read. Interesting. Needs glossary for japanese terms also a LIST of Characters would be helpful.
She was obviously committed to her spiritual path. Wish there were more details as to WHY she was so
interested in Buddhism.