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Going Gay: My Journey from Evangelical Christian Minister to Self-acceptance, Love, Life, and Meaning
Tim Rymel, an ordained evangelical minister, served as the Outreach Director for Love in Action, one of the oldest and most renowned ex-gay (reparative therapy) ministries in the world. During the 1990's, he and the ministry staff appeared on countless television and radio shows with their message of "Freedom from homosexuality through Jesus Christ." A "success story" of the ex-gay movement, Tim's world was shattered when his wife divorced him, and his world fell apart. In Going Gay, he shares his raw and painful journey of finding self-acceptance, and coming to terms with life and faith.
- GenresLGBT
191 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 10, 2014
4 people are currently reading
53 people want to read
About the author
Tim Rymel
8 books13 followersI spent nearly 25 years as a fundamentalist, evangelical minister, including six years in leadership at what was once the world's oldest and most renowned "ex-gay" ministry. I am a conversion therapy survivor. My books include, Rethinking Everything - When Faith and Reality Don't Make Sense (2018), Going Gay (2014), and the business book, Everything I Learned About Management I Learned From Having a Kindergartner (2012). I've also written two e-books: Where Did My Religion Come From?: A Brief History of American Evangelical Christianity (2018) and 5 Facts About Conversion Therapy We Know For Sure (2018). And I contributed a chapter to the academic book, Negotiating Spiritual Violence in the Queer Community (2019).
I'm a freelance writer on the confluence of religion, politics, and sexuality. My work has appeared in, among other outlets, Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Medium, Fox News Radio, Vice News, and multiple radio shows and podcasts. I hold a graduate degree in education, where I focused my studies on cognition and transformative learning, and I’m a member of the American Psychological Association.
I'm married to an incredible guy who teaches blind kids. And we are recent empty nesters with two daughters currently in college.
I'm a freelance writer on the confluence of religion, politics, and sexuality. My work has appeared in, among other outlets, Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Medium, Fox News Radio, Vice News, and multiple radio shows and podcasts. I hold a graduate degree in education, where I focused my studies on cognition and transformative learning, and I’m a member of the American Psychological Association.
I'm married to an incredible guy who teaches blind kids. And we are recent empty nesters with two daughters currently in college.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
February 8, 2018
Very real and powerful book. The "only" reason I've had trouble getting through it is because it is too close to my own experience at times.
February 11, 2015
I have to give two reviews for this book. One is focused on the style, the editing, things like that. The other is strictly a review of the content.
I read the book in one day with a long break before I finished it. I noticed plenty of strange sentence structures, spelling errors, and weird contextual placement of paragraphs or sentences which even a cursory editing should have found. Unfortunately the kinds of errors I found tend to give the book an amateurish flavor, which doesn't serve the content well. I was surprised and I think that there should definitely be an editing before the next edition is published.
As far as the content, which is Tim's story, it's not exactly an autobiography in great detail, but as the title says, a very specific focus on a very specific journey. I'm sure it has been cathartic for Tim to put into writing a very difficult and painful, confusing, but ultimately completely honest experience of coming to terms with his homosexuality as a fundamentalist, conservative Christian. He evaluates the ex-gay movement in which he was immersed for several years. His insights as to its failings are credible, and he manages to expose the ministry with which he was deeply involved with no bitterness, but rather with a lot of maturity and graciousness.
The picture he paints of his married life is certainly depressing, and I wonder how common among others who profess to being ex-gay and in heterosexual marriages.
Eventually Tim reveals how he has come to not exactly re-define his faith or his Christianity, but instead he purposely doesn't define his faith, nor his perspective on Christianity. I had the feeling that this part of his story is definitely not settled, but as frequently happens to true believers, honest seekers , the construct completely breaks down at some point and what is True will ultimately emerge. That takes a lifetime, and Tim,like it or not, seems to be on that path.
As far as accepting his homosexuality, I was a little confused. I would say that Tim knew he was gay. Tim tried to change. Tim told himself he had changed and so got married and started a family. Tim realized again, that he was gay, and the family broke apart.Tim came out finally to his family and eventually to the world as gay. Tim found a partner and things have attained a level of peace for him. It's not that Tim hasn't "found himself", but that the self he finds is in constant flux. And that's very much the way life is.
I think, however, that the story is far from over. We may never know the genesis of homosexuality, and the way people live out their personal homosexuality is as unique,diverse and undefined as it can possibly be. Tim's journey is just that, his personal journey. I appreciate that he has taken the time and great effort to share that with the world. I found it to be very intense with a deep undercurrent of melancholia or despair which robbed me of sleep the night after the day I read the book. I'm glad Tim has made it thus far and I have great respect for his honesty and for his transparency and vulnerability. It will be interesting to see how his journey continues.
****Several days later...*****
I wanted to add a bit more as I have been thinking about this book, Tim's status in life and so many Christians/ex-Christians ex-ex-gays , and so forth. There seems to come a point where those who acknowledge their Christianity AND their homosexual desires face a critical point of making a choice about how to deal with the inescapable tension. Frequently, these days especially, many Christians who accept their homosexuality, then progress to redefining God, or re-creating a "relationship" with (a)God who accepts homosexuality and homosexual relationships, primarily within a " gay marriage". That strikes me as a way of compromising with God on personal terms and not on God's terms. "Please let me have my homosexual gratification this way.... within a 'gay marriage' ". If this is legitimate, I think that it would have been apparent throughout the history of the Christian Church. And I've found no convincing evidence that it is legitimate. And of course the only other alternative is to jettison the faith altogether, or to bear the homosexual condition in celibacy. It's quite a conundrum for all who accept their homosexual component! That's the value of Tim sharing his story so honestly... we get to see one man's attempt at relieving the tension and resolving the issue. I am not necessarily agreeing with his conclusions, in fact I am more favorable to Wesley Hill and his story in "Washed and Waiting" which I see as promoting lifelong celibacy for a Christian who is constitutionally homosexual.
I read the book in one day with a long break before I finished it. I noticed plenty of strange sentence structures, spelling errors, and weird contextual placement of paragraphs or sentences which even a cursory editing should have found. Unfortunately the kinds of errors I found tend to give the book an amateurish flavor, which doesn't serve the content well. I was surprised and I think that there should definitely be an editing before the next edition is published.
As far as the content, which is Tim's story, it's not exactly an autobiography in great detail, but as the title says, a very specific focus on a very specific journey. I'm sure it has been cathartic for Tim to put into writing a very difficult and painful, confusing, but ultimately completely honest experience of coming to terms with his homosexuality as a fundamentalist, conservative Christian. He evaluates the ex-gay movement in which he was immersed for several years. His insights as to its failings are credible, and he manages to expose the ministry with which he was deeply involved with no bitterness, but rather with a lot of maturity and graciousness.
The picture he paints of his married life is certainly depressing, and I wonder how common among others who profess to being ex-gay and in heterosexual marriages.
Eventually Tim reveals how he has come to not exactly re-define his faith or his Christianity, but instead he purposely doesn't define his faith, nor his perspective on Christianity. I had the feeling that this part of his story is definitely not settled, but as frequently happens to true believers, honest seekers , the construct completely breaks down at some point and what is True will ultimately emerge. That takes a lifetime, and Tim,like it or not, seems to be on that path.
As far as accepting his homosexuality, I was a little confused. I would say that Tim knew he was gay. Tim tried to change. Tim told himself he had changed and so got married and started a family. Tim realized again, that he was gay, and the family broke apart.Tim came out finally to his family and eventually to the world as gay. Tim found a partner and things have attained a level of peace for him. It's not that Tim hasn't "found himself", but that the self he finds is in constant flux. And that's very much the way life is.
I think, however, that the story is far from over. We may never know the genesis of homosexuality, and the way people live out their personal homosexuality is as unique,diverse and undefined as it can possibly be. Tim's journey is just that, his personal journey. I appreciate that he has taken the time and great effort to share that with the world. I found it to be very intense with a deep undercurrent of melancholia or despair which robbed me of sleep the night after the day I read the book. I'm glad Tim has made it thus far and I have great respect for his honesty and for his transparency and vulnerability. It will be interesting to see how his journey continues.
****Several days later...*****
I wanted to add a bit more as I have been thinking about this book, Tim's status in life and so many Christians/ex-Christians ex-ex-gays , and so forth. There seems to come a point where those who acknowledge their Christianity AND their homosexual desires face a critical point of making a choice about how to deal with the inescapable tension. Frequently, these days especially, many Christians who accept their homosexuality, then progress to redefining God, or re-creating a "relationship" with (a)God who accepts homosexuality and homosexual relationships, primarily within a " gay marriage". That strikes me as a way of compromising with God on personal terms and not on God's terms. "Please let me have my homosexual gratification this way.... within a 'gay marriage' ". If this is legitimate, I think that it would have been apparent throughout the history of the Christian Church. And I've found no convincing evidence that it is legitimate. And of course the only other alternative is to jettison the faith altogether, or to bear the homosexual condition in celibacy. It's quite a conundrum for all who accept their homosexual component! That's the value of Tim sharing his story so honestly... we get to see one man's attempt at relieving the tension and resolving the issue. I am not necessarily agreeing with his conclusions, in fact I am more favorable to Wesley Hill and his story in "Washed and Waiting" which I see as promoting lifelong celibacy for a Christian who is constitutionally homosexual.
May 19, 2015
This was s very good book. I heard Tim speak at a PFLAG meeting in my town and enjoyed his talk so much so I bought the book. If you are a Christian and you struggle with being homosexual and a Christian it would be an essential book for you to read.
June 23, 2014
Honest and vulnerable. This is a book for everyone, full of honesty and truth. I Especially loves the last sentence. I am buying a book to share.
January 10, 2016
An honest testimony which many more in the church, particularly the evangelical wing of the church, would do well to listen to.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews