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How to Pick a Spouse: A Proven, Practical Guide to Finding a Lifelong Partner
"If you are thinking about getting married, you need to read this book."--Neil Clark Warren, founder, eHarmony.com
Anyone can get married. The goal, however, should not only be to marry--but to marry the right person.
As a singles pastor, author Dan Chun worked exclusively with more than 5,000 singles, and of the hundreds who were married under his teaching, less than 10 percent got a divorce--far below the national average. This book incorporates Pastor Dan's principles, which provide practical and proven ways to pick a spouse, and is your guide to finding--and keeping--a lifelong partner. You will discover how to test your relationship for key differences using a variety of methods including the Seven Character, Chemistry, Competency, Cultural Differences, Commitment, Communication, and Core Values.
Experts Whether you are dating or planning to date, How to Pick a Spouse will give you clear, usable information for guiding your heart and mind before making one of your most important decisions ever.
Anyone can get married. The goal, however, should not only be to marry--but to marry the right person.
As a singles pastor, author Dan Chun worked exclusively with more than 5,000 singles, and of the hundreds who were married under his teaching, less than 10 percent got a divorce--far below the national average. This book incorporates Pastor Dan's principles, which provide practical and proven ways to pick a spouse, and is your guide to finding--and keeping--a lifelong partner. You will discover how to test your relationship for key differences using a variety of methods including the Seven Character, Chemistry, Competency, Cultural Differences, Commitment, Communication, and Core Values.
Experts Whether you are dating or planning to date, How to Pick a Spouse will give you clear, usable information for guiding your heart and mind before making one of your most important decisions ever.
192 pages, Paperback
First published February 25, 2014
23 people are currently reading
153 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
July 4, 2024
The best book on dating I’ve read, which sadly isn’t saying much.
It’s another evangelical condemnation of the single life that we are so focused on in Protestantism and the evangelical narrative we live in the west.
It does offer some good points to think about, but I think theologically it is atrociously biased against single people. It honestly made me feel like I matter less because I am not married.
While the author was, for a time, the single’s pastor at a church, that just meant that the church used him as a matchmaker to continue making married people, and turn away the scourge of singleness among the body of Christ.
I, just once, would like to read a book about dating and relationships that doesn’t condemn me for being single, and that affirms the single life. Instead we are faced with constant disregard for being single.
Why can I not be single and still be valued in the church? Why does no book actually encourage the single life if that’s what a person is choosing?
It’s another evangelical condemnation of the single life that we are so focused on in Protestantism and the evangelical narrative we live in the west.
It does offer some good points to think about, but I think theologically it is atrociously biased against single people. It honestly made me feel like I matter less because I am not married.
While the author was, for a time, the single’s pastor at a church, that just meant that the church used him as a matchmaker to continue making married people, and turn away the scourge of singleness among the body of Christ.
I, just once, would like to read a book about dating and relationships that doesn’t condemn me for being single, and that affirms the single life. Instead we are faced with constant disregard for being single.
Why can I not be single and still be valued in the church? Why does no book actually encourage the single life if that’s what a person is choosing?
February 10, 2014
An unusually candid and yet refreshingly practical approach to dating/courtship and marriage. This author asks relevant questions I don't hear any other author on this topic asking and encourages readers to adopt better practices while asking better questions of their own as well. I am pleasantly surprised to find such helpful advice in a modern book and I highly recommend it to anyone else faced with navigating the hazards of romance with the eventual hope of marriage as the goal!
June 13, 2014
Excellent read if you're single...dating...engaged. READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 26, 2022
A short read on one of my favourite subjects--partner selection! The Forward by Neil Clark Warren drew me in. Overall good advice, framed in an accessible way. The effort to dumb down some material was unfortunate (e.g The Weird Zone).
I liked the advice to give your friends explicit permission to warn you against dating the wrong people. The 7 C's actually make for a solid mnemonic, and the Bible allegory, although longwinded, did help the dating advice stick.
Non-Christians may be put off, though. You're reminded that you're a sinner. The arguments against pre-marital sex could have been less moralistic and less one-sided. I personally subscribe to a different sexual philosophy but I still thought he made good practical arguments for avoiding pre-marital sex.
Overall, it wasn’t hard to translate Christian themes into secular equivalents, like substituting the importance of sharing a love of God with some other spiritual commitment.
I liked the advice to give your friends explicit permission to warn you against dating the wrong people. The 7 C's actually make for a solid mnemonic, and the Bible allegory, although longwinded, did help the dating advice stick.
Non-Christians may be put off, though. You're reminded that you're a sinner. The arguments against pre-marital sex could have been less moralistic and less one-sided. I personally subscribe to a different sexual philosophy but I still thought he made good practical arguments for avoiding pre-marital sex.
Overall, it wasn’t hard to translate Christian themes into secular equivalents, like substituting the importance of sharing a love of God with some other spiritual commitment.
June 3, 2016
Covers solid helpful and unexpected information on topic. Thorough, including character issues, and impact of choices on future outcomes. Christian faith based.
Listened to the audio version narrated by author personally nuancing his written thoughts added to the listening value.
Recommended.
Listened to the audio version narrated by author personally nuancing his written thoughts added to the listening value.
Recommended.
March 19, 2017
Just read this book no matter what you relationship status is. You'll lose nothing. It's just like talking to a wise friend
January 24, 2018
I was skeptical about this title, but the chaplain at my university told me that it was a worthwhile read. I have to say that I am probably not at the best time in life to understand all the tips & tricks, but this book definitely encouraged me to take a long look at myself and reevaluate where I am in my character development. I would highly encourage anyone who feels lost in the dating world to read this book to get a better sense of what traits to consider looking for in a future spouse. My favorite quote: "The art of finding a spouse is not finding the right person but becoming the right person."
Happy reading!
Happy reading!
Read
July 15, 2020I might have appreciated this book more if almost all the content didn't happen to be what I already knew and had thought about. I found disappointingly few fresh insights.(That could be because of years of meditating, considering, and reading other materials so I do not intend a dig on this particular work.) Also, I found the tone slightly on the discouraging side, which I don't prefer, but then maybe that's the reality jolt that some people need. So perhaps it's just not a book for me.
May 15, 2022
If you're are someone who is considering getting married. I strongly recommend this book.
If you're a couple in the dating phase of your relationship, you both must consider reading this book.
I can tell you, this book has all the knowledge you need if want to choose a lifelong partner and maintain a healthy relationship, and therefore a healthy marriage.
If you're a couple in the dating phase of your relationship, you both must consider reading this book.
I can tell you, this book has all the knowledge you need if want to choose a lifelong partner and maintain a healthy relationship, and therefore a healthy marriage.
June 7, 2025
Very insightful book, it helped me understand some of the negative patterns that were preventing me from finding the right relationship. A lot of the advice is based on common sense, but sometimes we do need a reminder of this common sense. The author has a lot of experience in the realm of relationships, and his book is easy, quick and pleasant to read.
March 28, 2021
It was very informative and instructive. Straightforward, no holds barred and still Bible based and spiritual. I'm going to be revisiting this book as a reference and for its questionnaires when the appropriate times come.
February 13, 2023
The author spends a lot of time bragging about how humble he is. He seems like the kind of preacher who never condemn sin. The title of this book is a gimmick to get desperate, hurt, lonely people to read/listen. If you are a serious person gifted with common sense you don’t need this book.
July 9, 2017
Good read. Bit biased towards religious way of thinking. But most of the points make sense. Must read for anyone who is seeking or dating and serious about getting married.
April 16, 2018
Hated the intro, but otherwise some pretty interesting points.
July 10, 2022
Practical advice. A lot of repeating. Appendix B is something to revisit (questionnaire before counseling).
June 25, 2023
Mostly common sense. But regurgitated common sense makes it more common, which is good.
May 27, 2024
This book provides practical, actionable advice, and good questions to consider. Also discussed a basic framework for a successful singles ministry.
July 17, 2021
It is indeed never too late to experience a new beginning with God. Draw close to Him and let that be the foundation of our search for spouse. Pray! - Dan Chun
May 10, 2025
I picked this book up on a dare and boy was I every surprise by what I discovered. A person can save themselves a great deal of time by reading this book prior to marriage. This text ask all the relevent questions that you should know about the person you think you want to spend the remainder of your life.
April 3, 2016
4 stars on the checklist. Minus one star (for me) on the religious undertones. Still a high quality book. Recommend for people to read while they are single.
And a great reminder for: "Each person to go into a relationship expecting they will give 60% to the other's 40%. Both expect to give more."
7-C's are worth reading through and thinking more about:
Character
Chemistry
Competency
Cultural Differences
Commitment
Communication
Core Values
And a great reminder for: "Each person to go into a relationship expecting they will give 60% to the other's 40%. Both expect to give more."
7-C's are worth reading through and thinking more about:
Character
Chemistry
Competency
Cultural Differences
Commitment
Communication
Core Values
February 26, 2015
I met the author this past weekend at a conference and he handed my friends & I this book and I absolutely ate it up. It is a fresh and candid approach to what singles, those in relationships or engaged couples should consider. I throughly enjoyed his honest, practical and biblical approach. I only wish I read it sooner.
March 7, 2014
Sound principles and easy to read
Dan Chun's advice is excellent, both to singles interested in finding a spouse, and to churches for developing effective singles ministries. It also has good advice for success in relationships of all types.
Dan Chun's advice is excellent, both to singles interested in finding a spouse, and to churches for developing effective singles ministries. It also has good advice for success in relationships of all types.
August 11, 2017
Insightful. Definitely will read again. Yes, it is a religious book, but in my opinion it doesn't hit you over the head with a bible, and it can be useful without paying attention to any of that, and while doing so.
January 5, 2015
Excellent. A must read for any single Christian.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews