I Found My Friends: The Oral History of Nirvana

by Nick Soulsby

I Found My Friends re-creates the story of Nirvana, from its earliest days in 1987 to its sudden end seven years later, through the words of the musicians and producers who played and interacted with the band. Soulsby interviewed over 200 musicians from bands that played and toured with Nirvana, including well-known alternative bands such as Hole, Mudhoney, Meat Puppets, Buzzcocks, Butthole Surfers, and the Jesus Lizard, as well as countless others from the alternative rock revolution. Readers get a more personal history of Nirvana than ever before, including Nirvana's consideration of nearly a dozen previously unmentioned candidates for drummer before settling on David Grohl; a recounting of Nirvana's famously disastrous South American shows from never-before-heard sources; and recollections from their first manager, who hosted the band's first ever gig.

I Found My Friends relives Nirvana's meteoric rise from the days before the legend to through their increasingly damaged superstardom. More than twenty years after Kurt Cobain's tragic death, Nick Soulsby removes the posthumous halo from the brow of Kurt Cobain and travels back through time to observe one of rock and roll's most critical bands as no one has ever seen them before.

Genres: Music, Nonfiction, Biography, Collections, History

368 pages, Paperback

First published March 31, 2015

Reviews

[Niklas Pivic · Rating 4 out of 5]

But Kurt was super-quiet … He was just one of those guys who would walk by and you just wouldn’t notice him right off the bat. One day in school he passed up a note to the girl behind me; she passed it to me and it said, “Will you teach me to play guitar?” I told him, “Yeah, no problem.” But it never happened.

This is really a whole lot of quotes from a lot of different people, bundled together in chapters, all about Nirvana, collected from the beginning until the end (i.e. after Cobain's life ended, up until the recent re-release of "In Utero").

There are a lot of sweet anecdotes from people who actually knew the band.

GILLY ANN HANNER, Sister Skelter/Calamity Jane: I first saw Nirvana when they played my house for my birthday party.

RYAN AIGNER: You’ve seen the “Love Buzz”/“Big Cheese” single? Have you noticed the inscription on the vinyl? Around the label it says “Why don’t you trade those guitars for shovels?” That quote happened during a rehearsal with Robert Novoselic, myself, and a friend called Brett Walker. We were at Krist’s house; we’d gotten together after school … trying to rehearse and learn some cover songs. Krist came home, came upstairs, listened to what we doing, and gave us his opinion about what was going on, helped us out—showed us some guitar leads he knew—then Krist and Robert’s father came home. He was a construction worker and he wasn’t happy about this noise, so he came upstairs to the boys’ bedroom, forced the door open. He was yelling. Krist was yelling back, “Aw, leave them alone! They’re just kids, you know!” Finally they let him in. We didn’t know him well; we introduced ourselves and let him know who we were. And he says with a frown on his face, “You kids, why don’t you kids go sell those goddamn guitars and buy something useful like shovels or something?” That’s where the quote came from—many years later, the story had a mythological life-span and kept coming up. They found it pretty funny so they had it engraved.

LEIGHTON BEEZER: I was invited to play by default, I guess, since it was a record-release party and all the bands were on the bill. But from here on out it’s hard for me to give an accurate answer, since I got very seriously drunk that night and my memory is a little fuzzy … They were really just another band among equals at the time … But here’s what I do remember. Kurt and I used to occasionally have a beer together before he played. He used to stink for some reason … like, really bad BO. And so, one night, as a joke, I brought along a roll of my girlfriend’s deodorant and gave it to Kurt before he took the stage that night. He laughed, and then quickly disappeared. The next thing I knew, I saw Kurt onstage with Nirvana, rolling some of this stuff on, like, in the middle of a song … I can’t remember which one. He then picked it up and showed it to the crowd. The band stopped playing, looking kind of bewildered. Kurt held up the deodorant, Teen Spirit, and said something like, “Leighton Beezer said I stink and gave me this. Now I smell like Teen Spirit.” … A couple of weeks before the Sub 200 show, Kurt stopped by my house on the Hill, just to shoot the shit. He picked up my guitar, a Squire Jagmaster, as I recall, and played these four chords for me. He said he’d been listening a lot to the first Boston album and wanted to use those chords in a new song he’d been working on. I said, “But you’re ripping off ‘More Than a Feeling,’ dude.” He smiled and said nothing.

Also, don't tell me Cobain didn't put his money where his mouth was:

I remember Kurt saying that they wanted to leave Sub-Pop because “they’re sexist.”

Cobain was a feminist, which means he's for equality between genders. The man really was, through and through. Thank Bog.

Nirvana lent weight whenever asked. Cobain dueted with Courtney Love at a Rock Against Rape event. The band played Rock for Choice, contributed to the Home Alive compilation, invited female-fronted bands on tour, and on occasion would chastise male members of their own audience if they spotted them molesting girls in the crowd.

GILLY ANN HANNER: We played West Coast dates, including some in L.A. that were filmed by Lisa Rose Apramian for her rockumentary Not Bad for a Girl, featuring Hole, L7, Babes in Toyland, and dozens of other female musicians. The film was released in 1995, and Kurt and Courtney ended up partially funding it.

ROD STEPHEN, Björn Again: We were doing a concert in Melbourne and Nirvana were playing down the road. They were looking for something to do afterward and stumbled upon our gig. We didn’t know they were there; we were onstage.

Then after, our guy who was selling the T-shirts—I don’t know how many we had, twenty-five or something—and the guys from Nirvana bought the whole lot and told him how much they loved the gig before they left. Our guy ran upstairs saying, “You’ll never believe who just bought all our T-shirts!” … Next thing we know, there’s a phone call through promoters and agents saying we’ve been asked to play at the Reading Festival. We knew the nature of it and though Björn Again had always had this Spinal Tap–meets–ABBA vibe in some regards, we were nervous if we were right for the festival.

Ultimately, though, we understood it was more or less on Kurt Cobain’s insistence that we were being asked, so we thought, Let’s do it!… I positioned “Smells Like Teen Spirit” at about the twenty-minute mark just to establish Björn Again and our identity … I thought we needed something to nail the last ten minutes of the show and that guitar riff was the perfect thing. We launched into it and the crowd moshed like you wouldn’t believe—going mental. Absolute candy … Prior to the gig I’d spoken to Dave Grohl about us doing our version … Ordinarily you wouldn’t dream of doing a song when the main act is going to do it later on. He said, “No, no! You’ve got to do it! It’ll be great!” So we went ahead and it really capped off the performance.

Krist was down in the pit with his camera, people could see him taking photos of us. In context, it was great light and shade for the day … the crowd made the connection to the three guys from Nirvana who, by the end, were almost onstage with us showing it was all right and they were having fun here. I was pleased to see Kurt doing that because before the gig when I went up to talk to them it was noticeable that Kurt was in the dressing room but there was this sense that he didn’t want to talk—nothing was said, but I didn’t wade on in there.

Dave and Krist came out and I think they were kind of putting a bit of a protective layer between anyone else and Kurt. They were chatty, told us they wanted us to be there, but it wasn’t Kurt bouncing out. I didn’t ask about it, but I got that feeling things were going on. To me it felt like shyness. I know that he wanted Björn Again to be there but maybe he would have felt a bit uncomfortable chatting. He must have been bombarded with people just wanting to talk, people wanting information. Maybe part of the problem, he felt he had to be on full form to deal with people at all hours of the day … Kurt mentioned us on the liner notes of Incesticide; he says something about how he realized he’d reached “wunderkind” status when he had the power to bring Björn Again to Reading.

Everybody who's interviewed keeps coming back to how uncomfortable the band were with their extreme success, especially Kurt. All the while, they would wield their power in good ways.

Nirvana broke again from the corporate plan, canceling their November US tour. Instead, they were motivated to make their first mainland US appearances since the New Year by their opposition to an anti-gay-rights ballot measure in Oregon and to the Erotic Music Law in Washington. Neither was a topic that endeared them to mainstream audiences, but Nirvana saw fame as valuable only if it stood for something.

JON GINOLI: The only communication we had with Nirvana at the time was through Jello Biafra, who was a fan of ours. He was at the No On 9 benefit that Nirvana played in Portland against an anti-gay measure on the Oregon state ballot. I thought, Wow, how cool! Guns N’ Roses would never do that—a popular rock band had never taken such a pro-gay stand at that point in time. Jello told us he was going to emcee the show, and I asked him to ask Nirvana if they minded us doing a gay version of their song as “Smells Like Queer Spirit.” He said he spoke with all three of them together, and said they were cool with it … We did the song the way we did it for several reasons. Nevermind did not come with a lyric sheet; we couldn’t tell what half the lyrics were. We thought, what if the lyrics were slurred and indecipherable because they were all about being gay? That’s when I came up with the title “Smells Like Queer Spirit” … One reason we wanted to do the song was that even though we loved it, it was so ubiquitous that we were getting sick of it. Cobain spoke of the Pansy Division cover as a real pleasure; his band had been baiting homophobes all year.

Cobain and Nirvana made repeated statements, whether subtle or otherwise, regarding the issue of gay rights; Cobain appeared on MTV in a ballroom gown, Novoselic French-kissed him on Saturday Night Live, the “In Bloom” video dissolved into cross-dressing hilarity, and Cobain accused Axl Rose of sexism, homophobia, and racism … Nirvana helped to bring a downplayed strand of the underground to the fore.

Even further, as a comment to Guns 'n' Roses and the likes:

JON GINOLI: People noticed all right. It was a big middle finger to hard-rock stupidity. Rock stars were not supposed to make fun of themselves and not take their image seriously. They got away with it because they were huge. I remember too when they wore dresses for the “In Bloom” video—that was a gesture that had major impact, to so blatantly fuck with gender. It wasn’t about rock-star cool … Kurt sang, “God is gay” and “Everyone is gay.” Axl sang “Immigrants and faggots, they make no sense to me,” and that they “spread some fucking disease” … I don’t think much pro-gay sentiment was happening in rock until the ’90s—punk rock got more macho as times went on. Originally punk could be aggressive without being macho. Part of the homophobia stemmed from the idea that people thought gays weren’t making or listening to that kind of music, because almost no one playing it was out of the closet. Part of the reason I formed Pansy Division was that I knew that wasn’t true. Our mere presence (along with queer peers like Tribe 8 and Team Dresch) forced the issue out into the open the same way that Bikini Kill did for women and feminism … Someone told me that Maximum Rocknroll magazine were afraid to give us bad reviews because they didn’t want to look homophobic, but because they were the home of hardcore they were never too enthusiastic, either.

GARY FLOYD: If I had just been singing about gay issues only, I would have been pegged as more of a “gay singer” than I am. I think I was more “a singer that was gay” than “a gay singer.” My songs were multi-issue … I’m happy Kurt felt gay topics were part of what was going on. I loved him for that. However, most punks could not care less that Bad Brains did some despicable homophobic bullshit … Never apologized … Never said “We are sorry,” anti-“bloodclot faggot,” crap … They do not care a fucking thing; maybe Kurt did … Most so-called punks don’t give a shit. I didn’t get shit because I didn’t take shit.

Somehow, I get the feeling that Cobain felt isolated. From the book, anyway.

CHRIS BROKAW: I was walking down the hallway and Kurt came up and was saying how we should come to their backstage room more often. He was saying, “You guys should come and hang out with us before shows … it gets so lonely back there.” When he said that, he was looking into my eyes. He looked so sad, and suddenly a group of people came rushing down the hall at us and mobbed him screaming for autographs and trying to touch him. There was this circle of people swarming around him and he was still just looking into my eyes. He looked so alone, so small and lost. He was a sweet person but his fame seemed overwhelming. I just backed up slowly. It was a scary moment. He was surrounded.

About the death:

PAUL LEARY: Dark days that I do not miss … I remember the day I heard on the news that Kurt had died. I was with Daniel Johnston [founder of K Records] in the living room of his parents’ house watching the news. When it was announced, I said, “Oh my God.” Daniel’s mother asked who that was, and Daniel said, “That’s the guy who wore my [HI, HOW ARE YOU] T-shirt.”

At the end, the book itself says what it is:

This book serves as a celebration of Nirvana, but it is as much about the many musicians who made the underground into the home that the superstars never wished to leave. This book is a tribute to what was created and to the people who are still making it what it is.

It's a laudable book, and should be read by anybody not only interested in the band, but in the music business at large, and anthropologically, by anyone interested in seeing how money changes everything. A very human take on the story of a band, well collated by Soulsby.

[Sarah - All The Book Blog Names Are Taken · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure how I feel about this one. Yes, some of these people knew the band, but how many times did I read, "I didn't know Kurt well but he seemed..."

Full review to come.

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My book blog: http://allthebookblognamesaretaken.bl...

https://www.facebook.com/AllTheBookBl...

+++++++

...because calling it "I Found My Friends: The Oral History of Bands from the Pacific Northwest in the Early 90s with a Major Emphasis on Nirvana" would have bordered on ridiculous.

I love Nirvana, always will. I don't like giving a poor rating to a book about a band I love. Kurt's death is beyond infuriating, there was so much more to come I believe. So, I read anything and everything published that I can get my hands on - except Kurt's Journals. I own the book, but can not and will not bring myself to actually read it.

The problem with this book for me though is that there is so much, "I didn't know Kurt well, but he seemed..." for this performance or that show. The author interviewed something like 200 people for the book, but that did not help me know Nirvana any better than I already do. There were some handfuls of people who knew the band, and then a bunch of people from other bands who played with them a few times. Not exactly authorities on the subject. I get that the music community was tight-knit and that comes through from some of the interviewees, but so many other people contradict one another in the same section, addressing the same time frame.

In between interviews, the author inserted these brief synopses and more and more, I found myself skimming the actual interviews and reading his summaries of what happened in a given period.

I'd recommend this for serious Nirvana fans, perhaps you will get more out of it than I did. For the casual fan, you can probably pass on this one.

[Christina Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will be an immediate must-read for any true Nirvana fan. Soulsby interviewed 200+ musicians who toured with and knew Nirvana and Cobain, from the beginning (February 1987) to the bitter end (April 1994). The compilation of recollections is thrilling to read for a music nerd, but for less enthusiastic fans, the often fuzzy memories of aging rockers may become tedious reading. I would have loved more discussion from Soulsby between chapters, or perhaps just more of an author's recap after groupings of passages. The small amount of author input and discussion makes the book read more chaotically, whereas small breaks for Soulsby's expanded synopsis (beyond a few lines here and there) would have made the read feel organized and coherent. My only reason for the missing star. [I received a free copy of this book from goodreads in exchange for an honest review.]

[Sweetpea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book from the GoodReads First Reads giveaways in exchange for an honest review. Anyone who is a fan of Nirvana will love this book!

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Out of the the books I've read the most lately the two genre has been fantasy and music these are areas that I have never read in the past.


I enjoyed this book because of it's style and how it deals with a time when I wasn't following music that much and had no knowledge of the grunge scene or sound. Nivrana was just a name that I had heard but really didn't know what the music was. So I learned what Nivrana and Kurt went through in those years to get to the top. But what makes it interesting is you hear it from the other groups in that time period. It also gives you an idea about the whole music scene in the Pacific northwest. I was amazed how when these bands started they would play in dorm rooms and very small clubs and the pressures of success. It was interesting hearing it from the people who were there in the clubs and stadiums when it was happening!

[Hamish · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is "about" Nirvana, but it feels like it's really about the community and the scene, and it suffers for that. Bizarre to have an oral history that doesn't actually feature anyone that was THERE, just tiny little bit players that were only on the sidelines. There's only so many times you can read some recollection about hanging out with Dave and Krist, and not really seeing Kurt, before it gets underwhelming.

[Peter O'Connor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this straight after the excellent Heavier than Heaven bio from Charles R. Cross. I am not sure how I Found My Friends would measure up as a stand-alone read as it may be a bit disjointed but if you know the story already then it is an excellent companion volume. Most of the accounts are from members of support bands and bystanders of the era who offer their own unique take on events. I was fortunate enough to see Nirvana in Melbourne in '92 so the handful of eyewitness accounts and backstory of that gig were of particular interest. Any work on Nirvana and Kurt Cobain is going to contain a sense of tragedy about it but, overall it is a pretty decent package and certainly highlights Cobains's dedication to supporting up and coming bands and his own punk roots long after they had progressed to stadium gigs.

[Laura Meshen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found it a little hard to get through.

Threading through the quotes to get the gist of the story the author is trying to tell is wearisome.

There are a ton of interesting quotes and anecdotes, but there are also many different people saying the same thing. I think this book could have been a lot shorter and delivered the same impact.

[Sini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting to hear from people who have been there. Loved all the new insight. Since this was first Nirvana book I have read, it was though hard to follow from time to time with mainly only witness comments.

[Luke Lindon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amazing how many times people can say, “We got drunk with Krist and Dave, but Kurt was really quiet.” For 300 pages. Nice trip to the underground PNW scene of the mid-80s to early 90s. Good read for those looking for that, but not a great read.

[Jason Leary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding.

[Kelly Catlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nick is an extremely detail-oriented writer who has put in the time and research needed to craft a compelling title (which this is). Highly recommend.

[Ashley Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nirvana, one of rock history's greatest bands, started as two simple guys in Washington. Through this book, author Nick Soulsby gets to a more intimate side of the history of the band. Using interviews from other musicians and people who knew them from the start, he tells the story of how the band came to be, their rise to stardom, the struggle to find the right drummer, the drug abuse, emotional trauma, and ultimately the demise of the band following Kurt Cobain's tragic death.

This book reveals how the music community in Washington, was more than just that. They were a family. When Kurt died they lost a family member.

As a HUGE Nirvana fan, I throughly enjoyed this book. I loved reading the history, and getting a view from people who knew them when they were sleeping in their cars. It amazed me to read just how in 8 short years, Nirvana was just a local Washington band, then hit stardom, and then sadly, after Kurt, was no more.

I like reading the interviews and the POV's of other local musicians. Their view of Kurt, who is one of my favorite people in the world. I loved the fact that it revealed, that Nirvana felt there weren't above all other bands. They just felt like part of a musical family.

I loved this view in the preface:

"Victor Poison-Tete, Rat at Rat R: Why do and/or should we love Kurt Cobain and Nirvana? They will not be given the opportunity to disappoint us. No future song entitled "Smells Like the Interior of a New Lexus." No duets with a current octogenarian to broaden the audience demographic. No holiday specials or department-store clothing line (pre-washed grunge apparel), sugary soda downloads, halftime wardrobe malfunctions, or attempts to build an alternative marketing strategy that actually works, omly to turn and appear on lamestream media shows that flash signs prompting you to clap or laugh. And Nirvana will never attempt to bring sexy back, buy a basketball team, or act as a judge on a talent show."

Nick intervied over 150 other musicians to get a more personal history. More than 20 years after Kurt's death, Nick takes us back to the beggining of what has become one of rock's last immortal bands.

I'm so glad I got to read this book. After reading it, I felt I understood the band more. I felt more connected to Kurt and felt so grateful to be able to experience his gifts.

*I recieved a complimentary copy of this book, from, St. Martin's Press, in exchange for honest review and opinons.*

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great take on a scene history -- the entire book is made up of snippets of interviews from other bands who were around at the same time (and/or knew) Nirvana. While it does give some insight into Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, it's more interesting as a primer of the Seattle alternative scene in the late '80s/early '90s. This is not an ode glorifying Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, or grunge; in fact, many of the interviews are critical of one or all three of the topics. The patchwork of interviews gives a colorful view of the music scene of the time.

My major complaint about the book is the lack of an appendix, explaining who each of the interviewees is. For each initial quote from someone, Soulsby mentions the band that the interviewee was/is part of. However, later comments by the person just use the name (not the band reference). I often couldn't quickly find the previous band mention, which was a bit frustrating. If there had been a simple name/band listing in an appendix, it would have helped me a lot. Maybe other readers who are more familiar with the Seattle scene wouldn't have this issue, but I wasn't familiar with a lot of the earlier-mentioned bands.

I received a free copy of this book through a GoodReads Giveaway.

[Stay Fetters · Rating 4 out of 5]

RIP Kurt Cobain
Goodreads First Reads Winner!!!

Being a 90's kid, I was all about the Seattle scene, a little grungy and fucking over the system. This book is so much more than a Nirvana book. It goes into great detail about the entire career of Nirvana with also giving you a behind the scenes look at how grunge came to be. Be it releasing an ep or going on tour. How they all survived on nothing. This will also show you the other side of Courtney Love we all know was inside of her. An evil jealous bitch, but we still love her.

Fame and fortune isn't everything it's cracked up to be.


Rick Simms, the almighty punk god even has a few blurbs. We're not worthy! He is the Didjits god!!

Being a huge Nirvana fan, I learned so much from this book. And this is coming from someone who read so much about the band and even did her HS senior project about Kurt himself.

Anyone interested in the band or even the Seattle Grunge scene will love this book.

[Gabby-Lily Raines · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I can't say I've ever been a rabid fan of Nirana, the group is a part of my late teen years. Always having a liking for music from a variety of genres with a core of rock, Nirvana struck a chord.

I Found My Friends provides an interesting insight into the band's background through the recollections of their contemporaries.

It is, in it's own way, a study in perceptions. What the public may have thought or deduced as opposed to how others behind the scenes saw the same incidents.

What would have made the book more complete for me would have been an inclusion of recollections from surviving band and family members.

(Received from Goodreads giveaways.)

[Pippa Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book to understand how Nirvana exploded into the music scene from the bands that were there. I dont pretend to know tons about the band, but it has definitely sparked my interest in the 90s seattle sound. . I honestly like the album Bleach the most. I think this book is great as it does not focus so heavily on Cobains heroin addiction and focuses on the music and his love for it. Also, not many books focus on how the drummer changed numerous times before choosing Grohl, which I think is an important thing. I am sure I will read other books after this on Nirvana.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is really effective at conveying the creativity and camaraderie of the Seattle (Tacoma/Olympia) music scene during the rise of Nirvana. Smart move of author Nick Soulsby to interview so many musicians of all levels of fame to achieve this. I did start to skim after a while, looking for Soulsby's comments to provide larger context and meaning so I guess I would have liked the balance to tip a little more heavily towards more of that and a slightly smaller percentage of interviews. Overall, interesting read though.

[Michelle Ella · Rating 5 out of 5]

First I would like to say that I received a free copy of this through Goodreads First Reads. I really enjoyed this book because although I am a fan of Nirvana, it gave me more information and depth of what they were like. It was neat to see how different people talked about them and their thoughts. It is definitely a book I would recommend to any Nirvana fan.

[Roxanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love history of rock bands. I was really happy with my heavy metal boy bands of the 1980's, some of which are still together. Then I remember in 1987 MTV started showing Nirvana and the garage/grunge music. This is a good history if this band. I cannot stand this type of music myself, I find it depressing. But the band sure had talent.

[Dylan Gilman · Rating 4 out of 5]

its really good book