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Toby
Toby’s life has just changed forever. Fourteen, alone, and unsure what to do with himself, an unavoidable encounter gives him a fresh start in a new home.
But there’s something a little strange about the family he’s living with. Something which makes them very different from the family he left behind. Little oddities which build over time. Still, they’re kind and accepting, and they treat him in a way he’s never experienced before. Like he matters. He feels at home with them. Like family. So he just has to hope the feelings he’s developing for one of the daughters won’t mess everything up.
Then again who is he kidding? Of course he’ll mess it up. Messing things up has always been his specialty. What he’s been doing from the moment he was born. That’s why he was always in trouble with his parents. Why he was always being punished. Always apologising when he had no idea what he’d done wrong. So that has to mean he’s just one mistake away from being kicked out, doesn’t it?
Or does it? Because it’s starting to look like the life he left behind was a lot darker than he realised.
But there’s something a little strange about the family he’s living with. Something which makes them very different from the family he left behind. Little oddities which build over time. Still, they’re kind and accepting, and they treat him in a way he’s never experienced before. Like he matters. He feels at home with them. Like family. So he just has to hope the feelings he’s developing for one of the daughters won’t mess everything up.
Then again who is he kidding? Of course he’ll mess it up. Messing things up has always been his specialty. What he’s been doing from the moment he was born. That’s why he was always in trouble with his parents. Why he was always being punished. Always apologising when he had no idea what he’d done wrong. So that has to mean he’s just one mistake away from being kicked out, doesn’t it?
Or does it? Because it’s starting to look like the life he left behind was a lot darker than he realised.
400 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 1, 2025
About the author
Ila Golden
13 books27 followersIla Golden writes at the intersection of the everyday and the extraordinary. Specializing in character-driven magical realism and slice-of-life fiction, Ila’s work—including The Neva Aton Collection and the What Makes Me series—dives deep into the complexities of identity, trauma, and mental health.
As a nonbinary, asexual-spectrum author, Ila is committed to authentic diversity. They craft stories where the plot is a byproduct of human (and sometimes monstrous) choices. Whether exploring the horror-tinged world of The Doll Maker’s Son or the contemporary fantasy of Echoe, their writing balances the weight of real-world struggles with the spark of the supernatural.
Based in a home defined by puzzles and play, Ila shares their life with their partner and two miniature lops, Tempest and Chilchuck. When not writing, they are immersed in escape rooms, walking adventure books, and video games—constantly searching for the next story hidden in the mechanics of life.
If you have enjoyed any of Ila Goldens books please consider leaving a review.
As a nonbinary, asexual-spectrum author, Ila is committed to authentic diversity. They craft stories where the plot is a byproduct of human (and sometimes monstrous) choices. Whether exploring the horror-tinged world of The Doll Maker’s Son or the contemporary fantasy of Echoe, their writing balances the weight of real-world struggles with the spark of the supernatural.
Based in a home defined by puzzles and play, Ila shares their life with their partner and two miniature lops, Tempest and Chilchuck. When not writing, they are immersed in escape rooms, walking adventure books, and video games—constantly searching for the next story hidden in the mechanics of life.
If you have enjoyed any of Ila Goldens books please consider leaving a review.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
January 8, 2023
What a marvelous read!
This book pulls out all the feels. Remarkably written; Golden does it again with this intriguing narrative. So many psyches are touched upon in this story—but the overall arch is “it’s okay to be different.” Self approval and the acceptance of others is a gift, one that most individuals never achieve. I went from annoyance, to tears, to shock, then to laughing-out-loud, with this smoothly written novel. The background story is accomplished, some aspects fascinating, and you can’t help but admire the well portrayed characters, notably Toby. The surprise at the end is superb, and I’m eager to see what transpires in the rest of this series.
This book pulls out all the feels. Remarkably written; Golden does it again with this intriguing narrative. So many psyches are touched upon in this story—but the overall arch is “it’s okay to be different.” Self approval and the acceptance of others is a gift, one that most individuals never achieve. I went from annoyance, to tears, to shock, then to laughing-out-loud, with this smoothly written novel. The background story is accomplished, some aspects fascinating, and you can’t help but admire the well portrayed characters, notably Toby. The surprise at the end is superb, and I’m eager to see what transpires in the rest of this series.
August 24, 2026
Okay, this book pulled me in FAST. Toby is just fourteen, injured, and running because going back home means losing more than his freedom, he risks losing himself.
He isn’t looking for trouble or attention; he’s simply trying to survive and find somewhere he can finally breathe.
And then comes the unexpected part, a family takes Toby in and gives him something he’s never really had: a safe place to be himself.
For once, he feels wanted. He feels like he belongs.
But of course, things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.
The family has secrets, and Toby can’t shake the feeling that there’s something they’re not telling him.
I loved the mix of found family + mystery + emotions here. And then there are Toby’s growing feelings for one of the daughters, which makes everything even more complicated.
Just when he starts feeling like he might finally have a real home, his past comes knocking, and trust me, it’s not bringing good news.
What really got me was Toby’s journey of figuring out who he is and what he’s willing to fight for.
His past is darker than he imagined, and suddenly the life he’s trying to build is at risk.
There’s so much tension around whether he can protect the people he loves without losing himself along the way.
What Makes Me Toby is emotional, mysterious, and full of those “okay, I need to know what happens next!” moments.
If you love YA stories with found family, secrets, a little romance, and a protagonist you’ll instantly want to protect, definitely add this one to your TBR!
He isn’t looking for trouble or attention; he’s simply trying to survive and find somewhere he can finally breathe.
And then comes the unexpected part, a family takes Toby in and gives him something he’s never really had: a safe place to be himself.
For once, he feels wanted. He feels like he belongs.
But of course, things aren’t quite as simple as they seem.
The family has secrets, and Toby can’t shake the feeling that there’s something they’re not telling him.
I loved the mix of found family + mystery + emotions here. And then there are Toby’s growing feelings for one of the daughters, which makes everything even more complicated.
Just when he starts feeling like he might finally have a real home, his past comes knocking, and trust me, it’s not bringing good news.
What really got me was Toby’s journey of figuring out who he is and what he’s willing to fight for.
His past is darker than he imagined, and suddenly the life he’s trying to build is at risk.
There’s so much tension around whether he can protect the people he loves without losing himself along the way.
What Makes Me Toby is emotional, mysterious, and full of those “okay, I need to know what happens next!” moments.
If you love YA stories with found family, secrets, a little romance, and a protagonist you’ll instantly want to protect, definitely add this one to your TBR!
June 5, 2023
Prepare to be Moved
This novel expertly explores the themes of identity and belonging. The author raises thought-provoking questions about the impact of one's upbringing and the nature versus nurture debate. As Toby grapples with his past and uncovers unsettling truths, he begins to question his own sense of self and the darkness that overshadowed his previous life.
The prose is beautifully crafted, immersing readers in Toby's world and eliciting a range of emotions. The author's evocative storytelling invites empathy and connection, ensuring that Toby's story resonates deeply with readers of all ages.
Ultimately, "What Makes Me Toby" is a poignant and gripping novel that captivates from beginning to end. It is a tale of resilience, self-discovery, and the profound impact of love and acceptance. As Toby navigates the complexities of his past and present, readers are reminded of the transformative power of compassion and understanding.
Whether you are a fan of coming-of-age stories or simply appreciate a compelling narrative that tugs at the heartstrings, "What Makes Me Toby" is a must-read. Prepare to be moved, challenged, and inspired as you accompany Toby on his journey of self-realization and hope.
This novel expertly explores the themes of identity and belonging. The author raises thought-provoking questions about the impact of one's upbringing and the nature versus nurture debate. As Toby grapples with his past and uncovers unsettling truths, he begins to question his own sense of self and the darkness that overshadowed his previous life.
The prose is beautifully crafted, immersing readers in Toby's world and eliciting a range of emotions. The author's evocative storytelling invites empathy and connection, ensuring that Toby's story resonates deeply with readers of all ages.
Ultimately, "What Makes Me Toby" is a poignant and gripping novel that captivates from beginning to end. It is a tale of resilience, self-discovery, and the profound impact of love and acceptance. As Toby navigates the complexities of his past and present, readers are reminded of the transformative power of compassion and understanding.
Whether you are a fan of coming-of-age stories or simply appreciate a compelling narrative that tugs at the heartstrings, "What Makes Me Toby" is a must-read. Prepare to be moved, challenged, and inspired as you accompany Toby on his journey of self-realization and hope.
January 14, 2023
Ila has written the start to a fantastic new set of books that I cannot wait to continue reading, from what I've read from them previously. Toby is a wonderful character, once again surrounded with a whole host of likeable and interesting people to immerse yourself with. Ila has once again written a compelling LGBT story for young adults, not being afraid to shy away from some of the complex aspects of living as an LGBT person. With Ila's usual talented compelling writing, twists, turns, foreshadowing and thrills, Toby is a strong start to a new series of Neva Aton, without requiring you to have read the previous generation.
January 12, 2023
TOBY grabbed me from the very first chapter and didn’t let go with heartwarming characters and a YA magical realism (I think that’s the right genre) story I couldn’t get enough of. I loved the messages in this novel of universal acceptance and love. Toby is transgender and has come from an abusive situation where his family kicked him out after treating him horribly for years, starving him for noncompliance, and has a lot of trauma to work through. While trying to construct a rudimentary shelter in the park, he is found by twins Zenia and Silas, and brought home to stay with them and their fathers Arian and Zel, who help him to gradually heal. I loved all the characters in this novel--Rowan and Neil as well. The descriptions of life in the twins’ house just made me want to curl up and stay in this book all day long. This was just a very heartwarming story where each member of the family is accepted just as they are. Lots of surprise twists I wasn’t expecting the further we got in and I’m excited to read Rowan’s book next! 5/5 stars.
November 25, 2022
"Toby" is an affecting family drama, a tale of an emotionally and physically abused fourteen-year-old given a second chance at a new life. Based on his life with his biological family, Toby expects that this new family will find a reason to abuse him or kick him out at some point. Instead, they make him feel welcome; but will that change in time? (The characters will be familiar to anyone familiar with the author's Neva Alton Collection, but it is not necessary to have read them to appreciate this story.) As time goes on, Toby notices a few odd things in his new home. His new family is hiding something from him. And he is certain his attraction to one of the daughters in the family will lead to trouble. Readers are taken on an intriguing journey as they find out, as Toby does, the secrets of this singular household. What other surprises are in store for Toby? "Toby" is a fascinating look at a loving family with "gifts" that affect the way they look at the world. Like many of the author's books, it has a simple, yet powerful message: there is nothing wrong with being different!
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews