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When You're Falling, Dive: Lessons in the Art of Living
How people who have suffered trauma find an upside when they've gone to the brink―and back again.
Do survivors of life's greatest trials possess a secret knowledge? Is there an art to survival―a map for crossing the wilderness―or daily life? Why do some people blossom through adversity while others stop growing? Drawing on twenty years' experience in this field, using stories, parable, and scientific data, acclaimed memoirist Mark Matousek gives the first-ever comprehensive look at this mysterious phenomenon of viriditas , the power of drawing passion, beauty, and wisdom from the unlikeliest places. Matousek interviews hundreds of well-known survivors―including Joan Didion, Elie Wiesel, and Isabel Allende―and experts such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jonathan Kozol, and Sogyal Rimpoche. He includes extraordinary testimonials, from a Tibetan nun imprisoned by the Chinese at age eleven and the women of Calama, Chile, digging for their "disappeared," among countless others. Drawing insight and advice from these many heroic individuals, Matousek presents a chorus of wisdom for how to survive our own lives―the vicissitudes of being human―and prevail.
Do survivors of life's greatest trials possess a secret knowledge? Is there an art to survival―a map for crossing the wilderness―or daily life? Why do some people blossom through adversity while others stop growing? Drawing on twenty years' experience in this field, using stories, parable, and scientific data, acclaimed memoirist Mark Matousek gives the first-ever comprehensive look at this mysterious phenomenon of viriditas , the power of drawing passion, beauty, and wisdom from the unlikeliest places. Matousek interviews hundreds of well-known survivors―including Joan Didion, Elie Wiesel, and Isabel Allende―and experts such as Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jonathan Kozol, and Sogyal Rimpoche. He includes extraordinary testimonials, from a Tibetan nun imprisoned by the Chinese at age eleven and the women of Calama, Chile, digging for their "disappeared," among countless others. Drawing insight and advice from these many heroic individuals, Matousek presents a chorus of wisdom for how to survive our own lives―the vicissitudes of being human―and prevail.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2008
11 people are currently reading
356 people want to read
About the author
Mark Matousek
30 books88 followersMark is a bestselling author, teacher, and speaker whose work focuses on personal awakening and creative excellence through self-inquiry and life writing. He brings three decades of experience as a memoirist, editor, interviewer, survivor, activist, and spiritual seeker to his penetrating and thought provoking work with students. His workshops, classes, and mentoring have inspired thousands of people around the world to reach their artistic and personal goals.
He is currently working on a book about friendships and relationships that is set to be released in June 2013. Stay tuned!
He is currently working on a book about friendships and relationships that is set to be released in June 2013. Stay tuned!
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
November 14, 2008
Long plane rides are designed, I think sometimes, to induce reflection. Unless you are on a red eye. Fortunately for me, however, I traveled during daylight hours from Raleigh to Atlanta and then on to Los Angeles for Caroline's wedding almost 2 weeks ago. I broke open my new book, If You're Falling, Dive by Mark Matousek just as we were leaving Atlanta behind. I had snagged it from the local library out of desperation since the two books I had chosen to take with me were unexpectedly checked-out. Not even twenty pages into it, I knew I had made the right choice. Upon landing in LA, I had decided to take a year off from my business.
When Matousek spoke with Ram Dass, the noted spiritual leader who coined the term "Be Here Now", he was given some advice that resonated with me soundly at this point in my own life: "Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before. It means allowing what is to move us closer to God." In reading these words, I realized that I have been trying to return my life to the way that it was -- before my relationship ended and my new life in North Carolina had begun. With that realization, I asked myself what if would feel like to put my business on hold for a year in order to allow what is to exist, instead of trying to re-create what was.
Suddenly I started getting affirming signs about letting go and allowing what is from other sources. I picked up a local paper and read my horoscope which I seldom do. Strangely, the horoscope seemed dead on with a reference made to "letting go in order to grow," while a fortune cookie told me, "Don't be afraid to take that big step." There were others but I got the message. In letting go of the business for a year, I will be in a place to cultivate a substantial period of non-doing as a way to really sink into what is. In that place of acceptance, I can just be instead of searching/doing/buying the next thing.
So in my quest to embrace the stillness of what is and learn from that, I have decided three things:
1) I will find a full-time job.
2) I will not purchase any commodity that I do not absolutely need.
3) Likely for me, the hardest: I will not give away my time to volunteering.
This last one may seem a little extreme but I think it makes sense. In embracing what is, I shouldn't add more in, even if the "more" is worthwhile and important. Saki Santorelli co-founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic tells Matousek, "The act of stopping may be uncomfortable at first but it often becomes revelatory. . .Stillness is what enables us to interrupt the stress cycle. When we unhook from our craving thoughts, we're struck by new possibilities, fresh ideas."
When Matousek spoke with Ram Dass, the noted spiritual leader who coined the term "Be Here Now", he was given some advice that resonated with me soundly at this point in my own life: "Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before. It means allowing what is to move us closer to God." In reading these words, I realized that I have been trying to return my life to the way that it was -- before my relationship ended and my new life in North Carolina had begun. With that realization, I asked myself what if would feel like to put my business on hold for a year in order to allow what is to exist, instead of trying to re-create what was.
Suddenly I started getting affirming signs about letting go and allowing what is from other sources. I picked up a local paper and read my horoscope which I seldom do. Strangely, the horoscope seemed dead on with a reference made to "letting go in order to grow," while a fortune cookie told me, "Don't be afraid to take that big step." There were others but I got the message. In letting go of the business for a year, I will be in a place to cultivate a substantial period of non-doing as a way to really sink into what is. In that place of acceptance, I can just be instead of searching/doing/buying the next thing.
So in my quest to embrace the stillness of what is and learn from that, I have decided three things:
1) I will find a full-time job.
2) I will not purchase any commodity that I do not absolutely need.
3) Likely for me, the hardest: I will not give away my time to volunteering.
This last one may seem a little extreme but I think it makes sense. In embracing what is, I shouldn't add more in, even if the "more" is worthwhile and important. Saki Santorelli co-founder of the Stress Reduction Clinic tells Matousek, "The act of stopping may be uncomfortable at first but it often becomes revelatory. . .Stillness is what enables us to interrupt the stress cycle. When we unhook from our craving thoughts, we're struck by new possibilities, fresh ideas."
August 20, 2008
Ended up reading the whole thing, even though I was sure I wouldn't. It's one of those books where each chapter is yet another person's story of loss and trauma and how they overcame it to live happily ever after. I find that kind of organization repetetive and irritating, but obviously I was oddly reassured by their stories that all will turn out ok in the end.
January 7, 2019
Some of these anecdotes were really, really good, but I was a touch stymied by the general lack of cohesion between them. The organizationalist in me wanted to sort them out. Emotional loss is different from intellectual loss, which is different from breaking from fear (of which there are many varieties- are there really people who fear death? Religion + experience took that option from me at the age of five.), which is rather unlike voluntarily taking risks, which is close to but not exactly caving entirely to a situation over which you have no control, and that again is not dealing with a horrible situation in which one may have options, all of which have little in common with making the most of a difficult but unalterable situation...
There was a comic I read once, https://xkcd.com/915/ , to be specific. Maybe I'm just on the wrong side of this book.
All right. My real issue here is how passive it all is. When you're falling, dive, yes, but that shouldn't be an excuse to sink into complacency. The unconscious mind is a great support, but it's subject to the same bombardment of influences as the waking self, with the added condition of being more honest about the entire situation, and less likely to discard contradictory elements. Yes, it's the source of creativity, so listen to it!
Huxley's description of the statue of Shiva in his Island has never quite left me. Creation and destruction as one, a drum in one hand, fire in the other, and two more arms for added expression, ignorance crushed beneath the whole, a discarded product of a living world, while passive bystanders worship this God thing... Passive, or are they learning from the encounter? Waiting isn't inactivity, if one is committed to osmosis of data in the meantime. The mind needs time to process new things. Long meditation helps. Look at the studies of infants. Adults are the same organism, just with more variations, and a touch of say on which experiences get to be the triggers.
I doubt anyone could read this book and not be touched by at least a few of the stories contained, but do watch how the author keeps the focus on anyone and everyone except himself. Real epiphanies take introspection, taking on the self, not only outside factors. Our capacity to lie to ourselves is really our own worst enemy.
He appears to be a Jungian. I've got the Red Book on my shelf. I read enough of it to taste Nietzsche, perused the pictures, and haven't had time for much else. Different directions, different places in life, I guess. But I have to be honest, and I didn't like this book.
Look. Accepting where you are is a fair start. But shouldn't the focus be on how to move forward? Not just intellectually, but in real time, real earth and atmosphere and actual close connection? Life, in all it's fire and glory, not just the tepid concept of it?
This book is too passive. We have psychoanalysis and neurology clarifying the paths the human mind takes, now. Rodin's Caryatid does not have to be the end of the story.
But what do I know? She's really just another pillar.
There was a comic I read once, https://xkcd.com/915/ , to be specific. Maybe I'm just on the wrong side of this book.
All right. My real issue here is how passive it all is. When you're falling, dive, yes, but that shouldn't be an excuse to sink into complacency. The unconscious mind is a great support, but it's subject to the same bombardment of influences as the waking self, with the added condition of being more honest about the entire situation, and less likely to discard contradictory elements. Yes, it's the source of creativity, so listen to it!
Huxley's description of the statue of Shiva in his Island has never quite left me. Creation and destruction as one, a drum in one hand, fire in the other, and two more arms for added expression, ignorance crushed beneath the whole, a discarded product of a living world, while passive bystanders worship this God thing... Passive, or are they learning from the encounter? Waiting isn't inactivity, if one is committed to osmosis of data in the meantime. The mind needs time to process new things. Long meditation helps. Look at the studies of infants. Adults are the same organism, just with more variations, and a touch of say on which experiences get to be the triggers.
I doubt anyone could read this book and not be touched by at least a few of the stories contained, but do watch how the author keeps the focus on anyone and everyone except himself. Real epiphanies take introspection, taking on the self, not only outside factors. Our capacity to lie to ourselves is really our own worst enemy.
He appears to be a Jungian. I've got the Red Book on my shelf. I read enough of it to taste Nietzsche, perused the pictures, and haven't had time for much else. Different directions, different places in life, I guess. But I have to be honest, and I didn't like this book.
Look. Accepting where you are is a fair start. But shouldn't the focus be on how to move forward? Not just intellectually, but in real time, real earth and atmosphere and actual close connection? Life, in all it's fire and glory, not just the tepid concept of it?
This book is too passive. We have psychoanalysis and neurology clarifying the paths the human mind takes, now. Rodin's Caryatid does not have to be the end of the story.
But what do I know? She's really just another pillar.
December 27, 2019
"Live in the layers, not the litter" from a poem by Stanley Kunitz in the last essay of this collection.
I first read this book upon its release in 2008, and just recently returned to it to finish the last dozen essays. Mark's perspectives and sharing of the stories of the resilient people he has met make for wonderful reading for a new year and decade. The essential question here is "How does a person survive their own life." There are many wise answers. Seek out this book to uncover the treasure.
I first read this book upon its release in 2008, and just recently returned to it to finish the last dozen essays. Mark's perspectives and sharing of the stories of the resilient people he has met make for wonderful reading for a new year and decade. The essential question here is "How does a person survive their own life." There are many wise answers. Seek out this book to uncover the treasure.
December 17, 2018
A difficult book to categorise, Mark Matousek presents a mixture of part memoir part and part interviews with others to demonstrate how people handle adversity. It has a strong spiritual edge which makes all the difference and there are a lot of philosophical ideas to take away from this read.
July 28, 2018
Thought provoking.
February 6, 2019
Excellent!
December 29, 2020
Wonderful easy inspiring read of hope, love, faith and learning lessons on how to see the joy in life.
December 28, 2023
I read this years ago - the best book I read on resiliency. I found out about it on The Positive Mind with Armand DiMele, which, I highly recommend looking into for people who are seeking an unconventional type of psychology. When I'm in a period where I feel I'm going down, I know the best thing to do is to "dive" into it as deep as I can; as opposed to resisting intense feelings. I know the deeper dive in -- the bigger I'm going to blast out. Hence, this title is absolute genius, it sticks in my mind when I am in or about to come out of one of those periods. That's all it is, a period. The less you resist those feelings, the less they persist, and the quicker it is to get out of a period.
February 15, 2013
I'm now wondering how this book got on my "to read" list. I can't remember getting a recommendation for it and none of my goodreads friends have read it. Very strange. It must have been one of my searches of random people's reviews on goodreads that I do when I'm desperate. I will have to be more discriminating in the future.
Anyway, it actually seemed like a book that I would like very much. I usually enjoy reading inspirational stories and this book was a collection of various true stories of people who have been through terrible tragedies yet came through it with a deep wisdom or enlightenment.
Unfortunately, most of the stories didn't resonate with me as much as they probably were intended. A few confirmed some of my already held beliefs and many just didn't mean much to me at all.
I won't go so far as to recommend it outright, but if you're looking for inspiration, you could do worse.
Anyway, it actually seemed like a book that I would like very much. I usually enjoy reading inspirational stories and this book was a collection of various true stories of people who have been through terrible tragedies yet came through it with a deep wisdom or enlightenment.
Unfortunately, most of the stories didn't resonate with me as much as they probably were intended. A few confirmed some of my already held beliefs and many just didn't mean much to me at all.
I won't go so far as to recommend it outright, but if you're looking for inspiration, you could do worse.
August 20, 2008
This book is a series of short chapters on survivor narratives. People who has suddenly discovered what little control they really have when tragedy hits and how they learned to survive their own lives. Matousek's own insite was that "terror can be a door to enlightment". I have enjoyed his other articles in Yoga Journal and Utne and I found out about this interesting book in my AARP Magazine. A magazine which he also contributes and which I will now no longer mock.
April 27, 2015
This is a book of chapters by Mark Matousek. By chapters, I mean each one deals with some aspect of life or dying and is told by a different person. A very large range of topics and interviews with a variety of people from famous to unknown make this an exceptional book. It's about the exploration of life.
December 11, 2008
I got it from the library. It influenced me so much that I asked for it for Christmas. The advice in it can help you get through any difficulty that comes your way. The stories are short, true, meaningful, and sometimes edgy. And they come from people all around the world.
January 17, 2009
A spiritual book with an edge. How to take the really awful things that happen in life and turn them to our benefit. The darkest and the most beautiful. Facing the dragon at the gate and walking through.
June 29, 2011
How do people handle adversity? How do we grow as human beings? It's not what happens to us, it's how we respond to what happens. Very interesting and illuminating stories. I'm half way through and will read it again.
October 15, 2009
I'm re-reading this before I give this to a friend going through a rough chapter in her life.
March 20, 2018
This is an amazing book. I am trying not to buy books but this is a buy. It's a lot about acceptance and handling things when the worst happens.
March 29, 2009
very moving.. shows how resilience life really is...
December 10, 2009
It was really good. Lots of good insights.
May 23, 2010
Great book to read when you're going through a major life transition. It's got a lot of 'wow, that's awesome' stories. They don't necessarily stick with you, but they get you through the night.
November 1, 2011
Loved the inspiration
August 31, 2013
it moves you.. make you know yourself a little better. shall be looking forward to reading other stuffs from him
August 7, 2015
Yes. This is good. Read it.
April 12, 2016
Lots of wisdom here. Worthwhile.
August 24, 2009
So far, very inspiring and thoughful.
May 3, 2015
Loved the stories of awakening.
April 29, 2014
This is more like it: hope in the face of adversity.
July 1, 2015
Very insightful, thought provoking, and relevant
Want to read
June 2, 2017Started reading print version but have now switched to audio book.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews