10 Ways to Say "I Love You": Embracing a Love That Lasts

by Josh McDowell

To have and to hold from this day forward, to love and to cherish... That's where all the romance novels end, but it's not the end of your love story. The wedding vows are just the beginning of your marriage. You've made the choice to be with your spouse. To maintain a healthy relationship, you'll need to keep making wise choices...from this day forward. Author and speaker Josh McDowell has been learning that lesson for more than 40 years, and now he shares the insightful, practical choices that make a marriage thrive. Learn the power of choosing to This straightforward, concise resource will teach you how to love and cherish your spouse. You'll never regret investing in your marriage!

Genres: Marriage, Christian

192 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2015

About the author

Josh McDowell is a bestselling Christian apologist, evangelist, and author of over 150 books, including Evidence That Demands a Verdict and More Than a Carpenter. Once an agnostic, he converted to Christianity while investigating its historical claims. He went on to earn degrees from Wheaton College and Talbot Theological Seminary. For decades, McDowell has been a prominent speaker with Campus Crusade for Christ, addressing issues of faith, character, and youth culture worldwide. His work emphasizes historical and legal evidence for Christianity and tackles challenges posed by skepticism and non-Christian beliefs. He lives in California with his wife, Dottie, and is the father of four children, including fellow apologist Sean McDowell.

Reviews

[Laura Langley · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you haven’t already started thinking about goals for the new year or about how to better love your spouse this year, I’ve got the perfect book for you. It’s Josh McDowell’s February 2015 release, 10 Ways to Say “I Love You: Embracing a Love That Lasts.” McDowell’s sets out to help the reader understand what love is and nurture love within his/her marriage. He says, “Feelings come and go but loving someone is about choosing–specific love choices that happen day in, day out.”

McDowell then challenges the reader to make 10 commitments to love his/her spouse in specific ways, making sure the reader understands that these “love choices” are not dependent upon the performance of the spouse. He puts it this way:

“Committing to these choices isn’t so much about what you get, but what you are able to give. It isn’t about changing someone else, it’s about you becoming a changed lover.”

The remainder (and bulk) of the book then focuses on ten ways the reader can choose to love his/her spouses:

making God a priority in my life,
loving and accepting myself,
being a fantastic lover,
becoming a great listener,
learning the art of communication,
demonstrating an accepting, loyal, enduring love,
resolving conflicts quickly,
always forgiving,
making money matter, and
keeping my love life fresh and alive.

Drawing from his own 40-plus-year-marriage, McDowell presents both personal anecdotes and real-life stories from others he knows, helping make the book more accessible and enjoyable. He also gives practical, do-able ideas to help the reader practice each of the 10 commitments in daily life. At the end of the book, the reader will find a “Relational Needs Assessment Inventory” which can aid husbands and wives in being better servant lovers.

Overall, I found the book to be engaging, encouraging, and practical. I’ve read many, many books on marriage. In all honesty, I didn’t really find anything new here, but I did find McDowell’s book to be a clearinghouse of great ideas–the best practices of successful marriages. If you’ve not read many books on marriage and you want to read one great book that is highly practical and do-able in an age of busyness, this is the book I would recommend. It might even be worth working through with a willing spouse or in a small group.

* I received this book from NetGalley for this honest review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.

[Susan Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

The target audience for Josh McDowell’s book, 10 Ways to Say “I Love You”: Embracing Love That Lasts would be people, particularly men, who have been married less than 10 years. Josh obviously writes from a male perspective, which at times I didn’t connect with. However, I’ve been married 40 years and still found some of the material useful.

In the book, Josh discusses 10 commitments to develop a deeper relationship with your spouse. These are: Making God a priority; Loving and Accepting Myself for Who I Am; Being a Fantastic Lover parts 1 & 2; Becoming a Great Listener; Learning the Art of Communication; Demonstrating an Accepting, Loyal and Enduring Love; Resolving Conflicts Quickly; Always Forgiving You; Making Money Matter; and Keeping My Love Life Fresh and Alive.

The section I found most helpful was in the final chapter about letting go of the unresolved. Josh writes that there are some minor conflicts in marriage that must go unresolved because we are imperfect human beings. We come into marriage with emotional baggage and we have all experienced some degree of dysfunction in our family of origin. To resolve these minor issues would take years of counselling, often it’s best to allow love to cover these issues (1 Peter 4:8). Of course, this isn’t the case for serious conflicts.

The book is well-written and easy to read.

[John Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful book. Simply put - if you’re married and want to stay married, you should read this book.

[Lis K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Josh McDowell uses what he’s learned from his 40+ years of marriage to discuss ten choices you can make to help your marriage thrive. I liked that this book was not about getting your spouse to do something but what you can do yourself to help your marriage. The ten commitments (or love choices) make intuitive sense but he really breaks it down in a practical and straightforward way. All the chapters include a wealth of information delineating each commitment but some highlights for me included:
1. Making God a priority in my life: chapter even includes the salvation message
2. Loving and accepting myself: knowing God created me to be lovable, valuable, and competent
3. Being a fantastic lover: not really focused on physical aspect but on being other-focused and meeting partner’s relational needs
4. Becoming a great listener: includes techniques to show that you are listening
5. Learning the art of communication: describes ten principles of communication
6. Demonstrating an accepting, loyal, and enduring love: also includes issues of purity and faithfulness
7. Resolving conflicts quickly: lists unhealthy responses to conflicts and describes five principles to resolving conflicts
8. Always forgiving: seek forgiveness, forgive others, forgive yourself
9. Making money matter: discusses being God’s stewards, financial priorities, and budget management
10. Keeping your love fresh and alive: cultivating these ten commitments plus other tips such as humor, spontaneity
There is a 50 question assessment at the end of the book to help spouses figure out their relational needs (commitment #3). I liked how the author included Scripture verses throughout the book to reinforce his statements. I also enjoyed his personal testimony, stories, mistakes, and successes from his own marriage. I would have liked it if his wife, Dottie’s, voice was included more so I could get her perspective on issues. I would recommend this book to both engaged and married couples because it really lays out every issue that spouses need for a lasting, committed, and happy marriage.
* I received a free copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Janka H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very practical and useful book I would recommend to anyone married or going that direction.

I am convinced that nobody understands women more than a father of a several daughters (who cares, obviously). Similarly, a man in 40-year-long marriage has a lot to say about that subjects - if he is a loving husband. And I got a strong impression that Mr McDowell just loves his wife, Dottie, from the way he writes about her and their marriage. He is sharing just in the right way - no oversharing and always in agreement with the wife of what to share and to which extent.
This is a plus in my books - if the author writing about the subject loves his wife.

This book is very useful. Mr McDowell has a gift of going straight to the point of the problem while never preaching. His advice is very sound - and is meant for you, not for your spouse/intended/special one. This is not a book for couples (but it can be read together), but for you and your part in the committed relationship. It is about what you can do to be great lover - and it starts with your relationship with God. In this light author covers several area of the married life - forgiveness, communication, even money and more.
Another plus is that the pieces of advice are just the right "size" - detailed, but not prolonged. And infused with gentle humour or personal stories.

Honestly, some pieces of advice hit the home quite close, and aimed me more towards walking with God closely. In this light I recommend the book as a great source of enrichment.

[Kristina Aziz · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I like about this book is that the author lists the ten methods for better love right in the beginning of the book. I scanned over them, thinking about the marriage between my husband and I. 9 of them I was able to check off, but the unchecked box was the very first one listed, pertaining to making sure your relationship with God is squared. Which makes sense. After all, he's the one who introduced us. The rest of the list I learned naturally along my marriage, but I realize some people don't have that kind of luck. If you feel like your love is faltering after 10 days or 10 years, read this book before giving up. You and your partner deserve it.
received from netgalley for an honest review

[sofareader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have watched Mr. McDowell testimony and some of his sermons, and I've identified his clear voice in these book.
It is direct and punctual. I've learned a lot and found myself in some examples. It was also interesting to hear also his wife voice one or two times, and I would like to hear more, not just for the feminin side, more because a relationship is not just one side, but two sides, like a coin. I know it would be bigger because women talk a lot, eheh, anyway, we could feel more what she felt.
This book made me realize somethings and made me grow a little more. Really loved it. God bless you for these ideia.

[Jimnlori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is a great resource for couples to turn to in order to improve on their marriage or for couples who are engaged. Josh McDowell is candid about his own marriage and the short comings that he had to work on from the very beginning. He gives 10 biblical ways to say "I love you" for couples who want to start their marriage off right or those of us that are already married and want to improve on it. I love that he invites us to read the book as a couple and to take the love assessment at the end of the book. What an awesome way to make a good marriage even better.

I received an ARC from the publisher for an honest review. All conclusions are mine and mine alone.

[patrick Lorelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I this book to be a lot of things that my wife and I do already and after 36 years of marriage I know I could have used this book when I was younger. I do believe that this is a wonderful book for couples to read and is very helpful and can also be very practical. One thing I do know is that both my wife and I are committed to each other and getting married at a young age we were not expected to last, but it has been our faith that has made us work together in our partnership and has made for a stronger marriage. I think this book is a good read. I got this book from net galley.

[Simon Green · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very much enjoyed this insightful guide to a more fulfilling and wholesome love. A book suitable for both married couples and those struggling with other family relationships. Practical and easy to translate into everyday life actions to improve the ways to say "I love you".