Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World

by Kathy Koch

If you feel like you’re losing your teen to technology, you’re not alone. Screen time is rapidly replacing family time, and for teens especially, it is hardwiring the way they connect with their world.  In Screens and Teens , Dr. Kathy helps you make sense of all this and empowers you to respond. Kathy’s research, experience, and relatability all come together for an inspiring book, sure to help you be closer with your kids. "Dr. Kathy continues to inform and inspire me with Screens and Teens . I feel better equipped to parent my kids in our constantly changing world because of her wisdom. Dr. Kathy’s expertise makes her my "go-to" person when I have questions about technology and the way it affects our family. Whether you have kids or not, this book will make you more aware of the tech-driven world we live in and encourage you to make bold, smart choices." - Kirk Cameron , Actor/Producer Grab a pen and get ready to underline, circle, and write "That’s so us!" in the margins. Be equipped to keep your family connected. BONUS : Every book includes an access code to stream or download a powerful 9-session video series (valued at $20) for FREE! In these videos, Dr. Kathy presents eye-opening insights to help you connect with your teen in a whole new way. Designed to be watched prior to reading each chapter, they will help you to engage the book on a deeper level.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Technology, Christian, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction

256 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2015

About the author

DR. KATHY KOCH is the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., a Christian ministry based in Fort Worth, Texas. She is an internationally celebrated speaker who has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in over 25 countries through keynote messages, workshops, seminars, assemblies, and other events. She also blogs regularly at www.DrKathyKoch.com.
Dr. Kathy's newest book, coauthored with Jill Savage, No More Perfect Kids: Love Your Kids For Who They Are, helps parents understand why they must get to know their children to parent them wisely. How Am I Smart? A Parent's Guide to Multiple Intelligences helps parents understand their children's learning strengths. Finding Authentic Hope and Wholeness: 5 Questions That Will Change Your Life provides a solution-focused, enriching approach to real problems. Her book, Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World, will be published in March, 2015.Dr. Kathy earned a Ph.D. in reading and educational psychology from Purdue University. She was a tenured associate professor of education at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, a teacher of second graders, a middle school coach, and a school board member prior to becoming a full-time conference and keynote speaker in 1991.

Reviews

[Janelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so much more than just about screens! It is a great overall parenting book in this day and age.

[Mark Manderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting takeaways:
5 core needs:

Security (who can I trust?) It's rooted in forgiveness. 

Identity (who am I?) It influences our behavior. Heavy influence comes from social media and what others like. 

Belonging (who wants me?) 

Purpose (why am I alive?) 

Competence (what do I do well?) 

Technology during developmental stages wires the brain differently. 

There is a difference between being raised with technology and being raised by technology. 

5 KEY TRUTHS:

Relationships cause beliefs in younger years. Invest in a meaningful relationship with your team.

They want to improve the world. 

They are creative, innovative, and entrepreneurial. 

They find security in technology. 

They're Tech addicted, tired, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, and escaping. 

90% of addictions have roots in their teen years! 

ABC System:

Attitude: what is my child's attitude like after screen time?

Behavior: how does the content encourage my child to behave?

Character: what character traits are being modeled and picked up?

You must model appropriate technology use.

Kids need quiet time to process and think. 

Quiet time promotes stress relief and time to decompress! 

Screen free quiet time allows teens to get to know themselves! 

Celebrate boredom as it sparks creativity. 

Show your kids how to play. 

Cultivate gratefulness as grateful children act less entitled and are more content. 

LIE #1: I AM THE CENTER OF MY PWN UNIVERSE! 

Avoiding discomfort can result in underdeveloped personal security, limited identity and spiritual immaturity. 

Resist the urge to rescue your kids from hard experiences.

Teach them to focus on experiencing JOY which stems from God as opposed to happiness which is based on circumstances. 

Resist buying them whatever they want. Instead teach them how to save up and work toward it. 

LIE #2: I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME! 

Tie their choices into both positive and negative consequences. 

The goal is for them to look for God's voice for guidance and feedback and not necessarily ours to affirm or correct.

Help them evaluate their work. 

Look to give presence rather than praise as it is presence that helps build the child's confidence by way of indicating he is worthy of The Observers thoughts and attention.

Help them with self evaluation 

TRUTH: I can have joy no matter my circumstances.

LIE #3: I MUST HAVE CHOICES. 

Dissatisfaction creeps in due to so many available choices. 

By modeling serving others we can help them learn more about ourselves. 

Evaluate our own complaining and arguing. 

We must regularly be grateful and express it. 

Don't get sucked into their arguments and complaints. 

Due to reinforcing multitasking, focus becomes fragmented! 

Model presence as most important over texts or calls to your children. 

Don't ask what they want, ask what problems they want to solve! 

LIE 4: I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY! 

Once kids start social media, it's important to MONITOR THEIR INTERACTION! 

LIE 5: INFORMATION IS ALL I NEED SO NO TEACHERS! 

Teens are turned off by outdated material and slow paced teaching. 

COMPLAINING ISN'T PRODUCTIVE, BUT LOOKING FOR SOLUTION IS! 

Brains benefit from rest so schedule quiet time. 

Use the dinner table to share stories, solve problems, and connect. 

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book 19 of 2023

I really enjoyed this one, but did find a lot of the content to be repeated from Start with the Heart. If you have a teen or children with devices, I encourage you to check this one out. Lots of good advice in here, most of which seems like common sense, but are good reminders for parents. This was originally written in 2015, and it’s wild to see how much more addictive technology has gotten since then. What a heavy load and responsibility we carry as parents to guide our children to use devices wisely. It’s also a call to parents to check their own use of devices and technology. Are we executing what we’re asking our children to do with their technology? Is it an idol for us? Good stuff to contemplate here.

Format: audiobook (Libby)

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you ever know before you read the first word in a book that you will love it with your whole heart? Do you know it's going to hit the keeper shelf before you even pick it up? That's what I knew about Screens and Teens by Dr. Kathy Koch. Now that I have (gulp) TWO teenagers in my house, I knew I needed to get my hands on this book and read it.

I had the pleasure of (briefly) meeting Dr. Koch at a MOPS convention about 7 years ago. I attended her session on the Multiple Intelligences everyone has. That brief talk impacted me more than I can express. Let me tell you something, Dr. Kathy 'gets' kids. We could extrapolate that to say she 'gets' people, but her focus is on kids. She helped me figure out how to teach Nathan, my son with autism, the ways he is differently smart from many of his friends. I've used her book, "How Am I Smart," to connect with all three of my children.

And now, with her newest book, "Screens and Teens - Connecting with our Kids in a Wireless World", she's done it again. Her book made more sense to me than anything I've read about teens. By the end of the first chapter, I had more understanding of my 17 year old than I had gained in the past 5 years of researching teens. She's that good and that on target.

I'm so excited this book is available. I have the ebook, but I'm going to get a paper copy. This is a book I need to read again...and highlight. Lots of highlighting. Her explanation on why teens change their mind so often was so easy to understand. It suddenly made several things make sense.

Dr. Kathy addresses how society treats technology and gives some practical hints to help offset the messages our children are given. Let's be clear, this isn't a technology-hating book. It should be used to help guide decisions about technology and help interested adults understand the mindset of teens.

[Michelle Brock · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice read about technology and teenagers. It's written in a casual, bloggy style, with some practical recommendations and challenging questions. Parents will pick up this book because of their children, but will find the author is just as concerned with their examples and messages that they are sending their children about how the world works. Since many of parents' habits influence their children's habits, it's helpful to understand how these faulty beliefs look translated into life choices. Ultimately, I enjoyed the book, but many of the suggestions seemed vague: "We can help them understand the limits of their technology intuition" "We can acknowledge ambiguities" "We can model our dependence on God's provision." All these ideas are excellent, but parents may have a hard time remembering them all, or know exactly how to implement them into their lives.

[Paulette Olinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously one of the most insightful, helpful books I've ever read. She discusses how technology helps or hurts our five basic human needs (1-security [Who can I trust?], 2-identity [Who am I?], 3-belonging [Who wants me?], 4-purpose [Why am I alive?], and 5-competence [What do I do well?]), and also lists and discusses in detail the lies that we believe because of technology (Lie #1: I am the center of my own Universe; Lie#2: I deserve to be happy all the time; Lie#3 I must have choices; Lie#4 I am my own authority; Lie#5 Information is all I need, so I don't need teachers) and the truth to combat each one (Truth#1: God is the center of the universe; Truth #2: I can have joy no matter my circumstances; Truth#3: I can handle my choices with God's help; Truth#4: I need authority in my life, and I can learn to trust it; Truth#5: I have much to learn from God and others and must seek wisdom above information).
Add to all that an extensive list of questions to ask about when and how we use technology, and plenty on how to understand our brains, teens, and how technology is changing us today.
I love that she is not anti-technology, and with everything she gives both pros and cons.
I would recommend this book to just about anyone. Anyone who has (or will have) teens, works with teens, or just wants to better understand and/or help young people. And many of the bad behaviors mentioned aren't only struggled with by teens, it's attitudes and mentalities that can easily affect any of us using technology today.

[Krista Mc]

A few initial thoughts after finishing this book--

This was my first Dr. Kathy book, and I'd like to read more. I already enjoy her podcasts. One of my favorite things about her is her ability to form questions--ones that make for great conversation starters, if you will.

This book is full of questions, especially at the end. She doesn't bash technology; instead, she acknowledges the helpful and powerful tool that it is. She acknowledges that teenagers of today have a different perspective on some things than their parents do (and it's on us as the older, more mature adults to learn what their perspective is and respect it before trying to correct it). She acknowledges and reminds us that today's teens have passion and a desire for purpose that sometimes is squelched by well-intended adults.

I don't usually pick favorites out of anything, by my "favorite" chapter was Chapter 8, "Lie #5: Information Is all I Need So I Don't Need Teachers". I found myself in there. :)

I'd like to thank my public library for the privilege of being able to read this book; under normal frantic life circumstances, I would have had to return it long before I could get to it--but because of COVID-19, I got to keep my library books indefinitely, fine-free.

I'm not going to give this book a rating, but I will give it a recommendation, and I have some notes to take on it before I return it. The library isn't accepting returns yet, so there is till time.

[Justin Dilliplane · Rating 4 out of 5]

As you read this post, you are most assuredly using a screen, unless for some reason you print my blog whenever I post. And Dr. Kathy Koch deals with our exposure to screens, specifically, as the title suggests, teenagers with screens.

For starters, Dr. Kathy's book is so full of practical truth and knowledge. When someone reads this book, he is going to learn something. It naturally happens. Each chapter provides a new lesson for the person who is willing to study and learn more about technology from a Biblical perspective.

However, for being such a practical book, it is written in a way that is very academic. Each chapter is written as more of a continued essay than a book that parents should be teaching their children with. I would have liked to see this book be a bit more personal rather than essay-ish.

Despite my disagreement with how the author chose to write this book stylistically, there is no denying that it is a great resource for Christians and the church today. I do recommend this book to anyone, but especially to those who have teenagers in their life. 4 stars out of 5.

I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Randi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kathy Koch is a very talented writer and so thoughtful about raising children. I loved her book 8 Great Smarts and have listened to her on several podcasts.
While I value the information from Screens and Teens, I had trouble not being bored. If you have concerns about your children and screen time, chances, are you have thought about most of the things in this book. If you are just now realizing it's a problem, this is a wonderful resource for you to start thinking about screens and their affect on our children.
The book is set up in chapters that are based on lies kids believe surrounding technology and screen time. Then Koch gives us tips and tools to combat those lies. I really appreciate her focus on God and his glory and his authority over our lives. In our entertained world with the quick answers and short attention spans, we, as parents have a lot of work to do to help our children, not get distracted by the world and focus on a relationship with Jesus Christ. This book helps us take a step towards that.

[Kristen O'quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books that I have read in many years and if I could give it more than 5 stars I would (just ask Kevin how much I have talked to him about it over the past few days). I feel like it has already made me more compassionate towards Sam & Seth (and Scott too) and how they are growing up in such a different world than I did and therefore have had their brains hard-wired differently too. However, it is also helping me try to make a better plan to navigate this road of technology and parenting I still feel very ill-equiped to handle almost daily. Definitely a must-read. Nothing earth-shattering, but very spelled-out and interesting reading for a Christian parent raising teenagers in 2018.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so good. I think every parent should read it as they consider screens and their impact on the lives of their teens (as well as the other members of their household). This book is applicable to kids younger than teens too, so don’t wait, especially if you plan for your tween to have their own phone. Dr Kathy does not tell you what to do, but she does break down lies that teens believe and how we, as parents, can help counteract them. Dr Kathy’s advice is balanced; she knows technology is here to stay and wants to help parents make the best use of it. She does recommend screen-free days and zones, but doesn’t call for a ban on phones and tablets.

*Dr Kathy speaks from a Christian worldview.

[Joey · Rating 3 out of 5]

A solid collection of good advice, grounded in Biblical truth. Nothing paradigm shifting, or personal earth quaking, just good background, and suggestions on how to keep a healthy familial relationship with screens. As are all things focused on technology, parts of this book are dated. I believe many kids have long since moved on from the specific applications this book focused on, but the same principles apply, and so it was a worth while read. I stayed south of four stars simply because I felt like some of the solutions were too simplistic, and the forecasted reactions or acceptance from teens, given in the book, were far too optimistic for reality, but again, worth reading.

[Kelly Carlson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great tips on how to navigate online activity for kids and teens. Good lists of questions to ask yourself to think about online and social media use. Christ-centered and focused on getting at our teens’ hearts, not just their outward actions. Kathy Koch always delivers right-on practical help for parents and kids!

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book had some good insights and some good ideas for parenting young adults in regards to their screen usage. However, I found that the author's content was a bit repetitive, and each chapter had too many lists, which then made the advice unmanageable. I think this could have been condensed down to a few articles or blog posts and been more effective.

[Brandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful and good for guiding further discussions with your teen about technology. It helped me see the positives that technology is having on this generation and understand them better, which I was not expecting. I wish I would have walked away with more practical or specific ideas for ways to manage device time in our home.

[Chris Cox · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had higher hopes for this book. This seems to be a book that assumes that parents need to just go along with big tech and whatever our children decide. I had hoped to get some more techniques to improve family communication and decrease screen time, but this book doesn't have a lot of that. It just seems to keep saying "it is what it is".

[Landon Coleman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some helpful ideas and some usable diagnostic questions. It was "lighter" on the faith side of things than I expected, and there was very little of what I'd call "gospel" truth. However, the book is valuable for parents who have never thought through the issues of technology that dominate the lives of many teens (and adults).

[Michaela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good points about the effects of technology and a few ideas on how to deal with them in the home. You only need to read the first 3rd of the book to know most of the points and ideas as much of it repeats.
Writing isn't her strength but the information is great and she's an awesome speaker!

[Jon Moeller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hands down the best text regarding what is happening to society and the next generation due to media, the web and social media. A very deep read with a lot of detail of what we are doing, how it affects us and what to do about it. I highly recommend this book.

[Charity Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical advice for parents and helps you realize the why and how devices have changed parenting/teens. This isn't just about teens. And it is actually great for adults to ponder some of their own practices with media/screens in their life.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rather than just saying avoid screens, Koch explains the different lies that often evolve after excess screen use. Its not just screens are bad, but what motivations or habits you are allowing to be developed in yourself and your kids. Highly recommend.

[Sarah Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for parents or adults who volunteer or work with students. Dr. Kathy offers so many small, manageable changes we can make in the way we communicate & interact with young people in order to help them navigate this world & technology well.

[Taylor Rollo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful book with warnings about how technology is affecting our youth and with practical steps to fight these effects while still using the advantages of technology.

[Roni · Rating 5 out of 5]

“No matter what tools and toys come our way, as adults who care about young people, we have to commit to stay alert and involved” page 222

[Dustin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful and additional videos were a bonus.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh. LOTS of Bible verses.

My most helpful takeaway is “don’t expect your teens to do anything differently than whatever you do with screens.” Which, duh, but I’m glad she emphasizes it so much.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok, some good tips but fairly repetitive and commons sense.

[Axel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Less and More chapter - several parenting gems such as page 71 when one mom over obsesses for the perfect photo which sends the wrong message to the child that she's ugly.

[Eric · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I do believe there are better books out there regarding teens and tech, it was not a waste of time. It's an ok read.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not the best of her books, but I think it’s a great resource for my young teens to look at to balance technology with offline life.