The Middle of Everything

by Michelle Herman

When she was three months old, Michelle Herman's daughter, Grace, went on a hunger strike. At six, she suffered what can only be described, in the old-fashioned way, as a breakdown. And at the ripe old age of eight, she began a study of the nature of "true romance." Motherhood may come naturally, but it doesn't necessarily come easily—certainly not as easily as it seemed to this mother when she vowed to do a better job than her own mother had. But the real trouble started when Herman decided that “better” wasn't good enough: she would be the perfect mother.

A memoir from the front lines of motherhood by a longtime writer of fiction, The Middle of Everything weaves a daughter's memories of her Brooklyn childhood in the 1950s and 1960s, and the shadow cast on it by her own young mother's paralyzing depression, with a middle-aged woman's account of trying to break her mother's mold by meeting her own child's every need.

A story of love of all kinds, of work and friendship (especially best-friendship, its rewards and perils both), of the charms of other people's families, of the miseries and pleasures of aging, and of the twists of the ties that bind each generation to the next, Michelle Herman's book is an energetic, exhaustive, lacerating, unflinching, and often hilarious inside look at the very nature of motherhood.

“Honest, brave, and humbling, Michelle Herman’s account of striving to become the mother her child needs…is the story of every woman dedicated to sparing her child the pain of her own youth. We want to believe that love doesn’t make mistakes, but Michelle Herman knows the truth: like water, love assumes the shape of the vessel, always imperfect, that holds it.”—Kathryn Harrison, author of The Kiss and The Mother Knot

"The Middle of Everything" is honest and ugly and funny and beautiful in places where one would not even hope for bearable. Fine writing and the sure, gifted voice of the storyteller prevail, even as this family does." —Amy Bloom, author of Away and A Blind Man Can See How Much I Love You

Genres: Memoir, Parenting, Nonfiction

214 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 1, 2005

About the author

Michelle Herman‘s newest book is If You Say So, her fourth collection of essays/memoirs. You can read her parenting, family, and relationship advice weekly in the Sunday Care and Feeding column at Slate.

Born and raised in Brooklyn, Michelle has lived for many years in Columbus, Ohio, where she lives in a 120-year-old house with her husband, the painter Glen Holland.

Reviews

[Jacob Appel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michelle Herman’s The Middle of Everything: Memoirs of Motherhood is one of those rare books so good that I had to set myself a page limit each evening because I wanted to prolong the experience of reading it as much as possible. Billed as a memoir of her experiences raising a highly gifted but overly-attached daughter (a condition which may or may not be the result of Herman’s intensely-committed parenting style), Herman’s interwoven collection of four essays is also a reflection on friendship, childhood, family life and creativity. We are introduced to a highly engaging and intriguing cast of characters, so vivid and distinct that it’s easy to forget they are real people, not merely the inventions of the narrator’s boundless imagination. These include her Old World grandmother, married at fifteen, who becomes Herman’s friend late in life; her sheltered mother, debilitated with depression for much of her girlhood; a series of best friends from A--- to Z--- (each with her own idiosyncrasies), Herman’s hermitic husband (fittingly a prominent painter of still lifes). Yet at the core of the memoir stands (or occasionally crawls) Herman’s daughter, Grace, who comes across as lovely and brilliant, even when (at times) deeply troubled. As someone rather happy with my own family (which shares many similarities with Herman’s, although my mother grew up in the Jewish Bronx, rather than Jewish Brooklyn), I none-the-less finished the last page of The Middle of Everything with a secret yearning that Herman’s family might adopt me and bring me into their turbulent but always love-brimming world. What an amazing book by a truly magnetic author!

[Sonya Feher · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though Herman's insights about how having a severely depressed mother during her own childhood affected her parenting are compelling, she doesn't offer them until the fourth section of the book. First, she catalogs her boyfriends, her best friends, then her own and her families' birthdays. Details from each section contribute to her emotional conclusions, but I didn't appreciate the wait.

[Gail Peters · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the mother of an only child named Grace, now an adult, and with 2 new moms in my extended family at the moment, I appreciated the deep dive into what motherhood is/should’ve/can be. Michelle Herman is brutally honest with herself and her reader. She doesn’t try to hide a thing. I recognize this is not her recent work. After finishing this one I decided I need to read more of her books bc she has a special voice.

[Karla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a powerful book for me, both because it's extremely well-written and because of the many ways I identified with the author's story. She was very courageous to share some of the events in this book, and I'm grateful that she did.

[E.S.O. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked it up after reading an interesting article Michelle Herman wrote about how being a writer made her a better mother and vice versa. Personally, I thought the book seemed a little scattered and lacked focus; I couldn't get into it. To each her own.

[Patti · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and look forward to rereading it many times.

[Sarah Siath · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wasn't bad, but it was tedious, verbose and indulgent. However, some great "moments". I love her comments on Love.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't even get past 1/4 of this book. The topic went back and forth and seemed to drag on forever. It's rare for me not to finish a book but I just could not get into this.

[Nancy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Couldn't even finish this one.

[Vicky Fagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved it, something we all can relate to . Very entertaining.