The Amphora Project

by William Kotzwinkle

Deep in the bowels of Junk Moon, the finest scientists of Planet Immortal are nearing completion of Project Amphora, which aims to unlock the secret of immortality. The Project is run by the Consortium, twelve of the planet's most influential movers and shakers, but they aren't the only ones after immortality. Commander Jockey Oldcastle, a wise-cracking space pirate, has heard about the Amphora Project from a banished scientist who is convinced it will lead to the end of the world. Oldcastle sets off to find the project with Adrian Link, a timid botanist who wants only to tend to his plants on the Agricultural Plain, yet Oldcastle finds himself trying to unravel a strange It seems the Amphora Project is turning the citizens of Planet Immortal into crystal. As time runs out, it is up to Oldcastle and Link— and Link's exotic, unlikely love interest —to stop their mysterious extradimensional enemy before their world is lost forever.

Hilarious, wildly inventive, and featuring a fantastical cast of mutants, quasihuman robots, intergalactic mercenaries, and two-thousand-year-old immortals, The Amphora Project is a novel that combines elements of science fiction and fantasy and transcends the boundaries of both.

Genres: Science Fiction, Fiction

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

William Kotzwinkle is a two-time recipient of the National Magazine Award for Fiction, a winner of the World Fantasy Award, the Prix Litteraire des Bouquinistes des Quais de Paris, the PETA Award for Children's Books, and a Book Critics Circle award nominee. His work has been translated into dozens of languages.

Reviews

[Josh · Rating 1 out of 5]

It was compelling enough to keep me reading, but just barely. The story is very plot driven, and the plot is patched together pretty shabbily. There are myriad fascinating characters who from time to time make you smile but who you never really get to know, become particularly invested in, or care about.

If you ever wondered what it would be like if every single animal eventually evolved into a humanoid species would be like, that is the world this is set in - sadly the characters are achetypal, and stereotypical, even though I've never seen anything like them before.

Supposedly this is a story about a project for immortality going awry and threatening to wipe out the earth while our unlikely bug-loving hero saves the day while pursuing a fascinating love interest. The project is cobbled together, the disaster is occasionally laughable, the hero is largely personality free and probably only shares the page with the reader 20% of the time, and the love interest is shallow and unbeleivable.

Sometimes the robots are funny. Sometimes was enough get me to finish considering how fast of a read it was. I don't recommend it, but if someone else does, I will tell you you probably won't hate it, or yourself for reading it.

[A. Dawes · Rating 1 out of 5]

Kotzwinkle these days is better know for his Walter the Farting Dog children's books. How could they not be a hit with a gaseous name like that?

Yet in his day, Kotzwinkle pulled off a few big works - and I'm not talking about his novelization of ET. He was even backed by Kurt Vonnegut, who often prided himself in writing the forewords to a few Kotzwinkle novels. Kotzwinkle at his best - think The Fan Man, Dr Rat, and The Bear Went over the Mountain -is very good. The problem with Kotzwinkle is that his best and worst are solar systems apart. The Amphora Project is, unfortunately, at the wrong end of the spectrum. I can't even begin to fathom how the great satirist Vonnegut wrote the blurb here.

The Amphora Project is Douglas Adams in nappies. It tries to be funny but it's poorly developed, messy, meaningless, and very immature, drivel.

[Emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

Anfangs eine zähe, distanzierte Geschichte, die Zeit braucht, um in Fahrt zu kommen und zu verraten, in welche Richtung es gehen soll, dann aber unterhaltsam und spannend wird, so dass ich insgesamt gute drei Sterne vergebe.

Das Amphora Projekt ist ein geheimes Projekt des Konsortiums, um die Unsterblichkeit zu erlangen. Nicht nur die Mitglieder des Konsortiums spielen dabei eine Rolle, sondern vor allem die von ihnen ernannte Ermittlerin, die Chefin des Geheimdienstes. Doch auch andere haben ein Auge darauf geworfen: der Pirat Jockey Oldcastle mit seinem Navigator, der Eidechse Lizardo, der Agrarwissenschaftler Adrian Link, der vom Roboter Upquark begleitet wird, und und und. Die Vielzahl an Personen macht es gerade anfangs schwierig, herauszufinden, um wen und was es gehen soll, vor allem, weil wir immer wieder springen, wer was denkt und will. Auch wenn es interessant ist, so hat es doch dazu geführt, mir den Einstieg zu erschweren, wie z.B. folgende Stelle:

"Der Sub-Neurolator war verkatert, weil er die Naht mit einigen heißgelaufenen Fließbandrobotern verbracht hatte. Das waren robuste Maschinen, die für endlose mechanische Arbeiten gemacht waren, und sie hatten gewaltige Energiereserven; er selbst lief mit Batterien, die lediglich für Denkaktivitäten vorgesehen waren und nicht, um in Roboter-Salons herumzurennen. Deshalb fühlte er sich wie eine durchgebrannte Sicherung, als er an seinem Arbeitsplatz ankam. Er fummelte einen Augenblick an den Schaltern herum, seine Greifer zitterten." S. 47

So detailliert und mit nicht linearen Ausflügen zu allen möglichen Randfiguren, die kurz auf der Bildfläche auftauchen und dann wieder verschwinden, bleibt es. Selbst in den spannendsten Stellen:

"Rasch stieg er durch die Öffnung, die in die Wand aus Schrott gebrannt war, und kam neben dem beschädigten Träger heraus, aber jetzt donnerte eine weitere Welle neben ihm herunter, und der Abfall mehrerer Welten versperrte ihm den Weg, wimmelte von mechanischen Köpfen und Händen, die unnütze Hilfe anboten. Ein Wald von Hightech-Duschvorhängen und programmiertem Bettzeug legte sich über ihn. Ein psychologisch versiertes Kissen murmelte: "Ich liebe und verstehe dich." Wütend feuerte Max Rat eine Salve darauf ab, und das Kissen flüsterte mit einem Sterbeseufzer: "Ich ... verstehe." S. 159

Hält man durch, nimmt ab diesen Seiten die Geschichte aber langsam Fahrt auf und widmet sich vermehrt dem Amphora Projekt und wie dieses schief läuft. Der Wunsch nach Unsterblichkeit ist verständlich und aus verschiedenen Perspektiven hier beleuchtet. Gleichzeitig hegt man gemeinsam mit der Ermittlerin Zweifel.

"Sie sagte: "Ich habe das Konsortium nicht über meine Entscheidung informiert. Sie wollen immer noch unsterblich werden."
Er nickte. "Und Sie, Ermittlerin? Was wollen Sie werden?"
"Ich habe jemanden verloren, den ich sehr geschätzt habe. Seit er weg ist, nehme ich mein Leben anscheinend nicht mehr so wichtig. Das ist so etwas wie Freiheit, vermute ich."
"Freiheit von dem Wunsch nach ewigem Leben?"
"Weshalb sollte ich den Wunsch haben, meine Dummheiten endlos zu wiederholen?" S. 234

Die Auflösung finde ich clever gemacht, nicht nur, was Amphora wirklich ist und wieso (und ob) es so schrecklich schief läuft, wie es nach der Hälfte des Buches scheint, sondern auch, wie die verbliebenen Personen, die sich langsam als wichtig herauskristallisieren (haha, den Witz versteht nur, wer das Buch kennt xD ) das Problem lösen. Insgesamt hatte ich, vor allem nach der Mitte des Buches, also ein vergnügliches Abenteuer im All. Einiges hätte für mich anders gemacht sein sollen, aber das ist wahrscheinlich Geschmackssache. Wer Abenteuer im Weltall mag, in denen Charaktere nicht im Vordergrund stehen, kann am "Amphora Projekt" ebenfalls Spaß haben und sollte es lesen.

[Tony · Rating 5 out of 5]

on the surface William Kotzwinkle's first novel since "The Bear Went Over the Mountain" seems like just another ironic space opera; the likely protagonists include a mercenary pilot named Jockey Oldcastle and his reptilian navigator Lizardo from the planet Serpentia. but like Philip K. Dick or John Varley, Kotzwinkle uses the outer space epic as a vehicle for ruminations on inner space. touching on themes as numerous and varied as mortality, bureaucracy, personal freedom, alternate realities, the subjective nature of perception, energy, and matter itself, "The Amphora Project" echoes Dick, Varley, Douglas Adams, Philip Pullman, Haruki Murakami and probably countless others. but what Kotzwinkle does so well (as always) is weave all this and more into a fun, fast moving narrative filled with memorable characters, that never gets bogged down in its fanciful trappings of science and philosophy. in fact, Kotzwinkle makes the inability of one form of sentient life to recognize or express the form of another a major plot point. there are infinite layers of connection and language throughout societies, some that we know and others we can't even imagine. or maybe I'm just caught up in the rush of well-executed entertainment. I just hope I don't crystallize!

[John · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book came with a few great cover blurbs, including one from Kurt Vonnegut praising the author. Looking inside the cover, it turned out the author also wrote E.T. The Extraterrestrial, so I figured I had to read it just to find out what kind of author writes E.T. and gets amazing praise from Vonnegut. As Michael Caine once said, "What a shock." After reading the first several chapters, I had decided this was either a badly cliche'd semi-comic space opera, or it was an extremely subtle parody of the same. I pushed through, and eventually the forced puns and boilerplate characters turned into an actual story that was moderately interesting. But I'm easy that way. Don't waste your time on this tale, there are undoubtedly better things out there that you haven't read yet.

[Elizabeth Gibbs · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking forward to a Sci-Fi, something like Star-Trek, book, that would allow me to suspend my idea of reality while I read it. However, with names like "Planet Immortal" and "Lizardo" (a lizard) it was just too cheesy to even pretend it could be real. It took me forever to get through the book because there were so many characters and planets that I had to write them all down and go back to review them. I kept reading though, and finally, half-way through, when I knew who the main characters were, I started to really get into it. So...all in all it wasn't completely wasted time and turned out to be somewhat enjoyable in the end.

[Mallory · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just... wow this book was boring. It wasn’t technically “bad” it just really wasn’t for me. We are introduced to Jockey, Lizardo, and Link like they’re gonna be the heroes, and they sort of were, but somehow were also not featured that heavily. I’d say only half the chapters had even one of them. I’m a character-driven reader, so focusing on the plot and not at all on who drives it forward was a big downside for me.

Having single chapters focus on completely random people happened a lot too. Big drawback. It’s fun and interesting sometimes, but it just happened over and over again in this book.

The one big upside to the book was Upquark. He was just so adorable the whole time and I love him.

[A.L. Sirois · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got to about page 200 of this, and against my will I have given up. I just can't force myself to read more. Reading this novel is like trudging through peanut butter. I don't care about the characters, I don't find the plot engaging -- and even though there are some good ideas, I just cannot soldier on. And the irony? I like Kotzwinkle's work! And I know he's been an sf fan with some decent street cred.

Sorry, Mr. Kotzwinkle, if you ever see this -- I'll stick with THE FAN MAN.

Oh well. This was my final book for 2022.

[Cyndi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is this book a parody of its own author's earlier work? Of other works in the past or present? Not being familiar enough with this author or this sub-genre of SciFi, I just don't know. Perhaps even the book is meant to be read straight, but wow that would be quite a feat.

The basic story is compelling, if simplistic. A group of elites charter a massive, secret scientific project done for their own betterment which has the potential to destroy the world (or perhaps the universe). It is now up to a ragtag group of outlaws, robots, and scientists turned outlaw to save the day.

Silly as it is, I have to admit, the stereotypical names (Lizardo is a giant lizard alien, for example) and behaviors made it a lot easier to keep track of the dozens of personalities and aliens. Kotzwinkle also manages to show a world with women as objects of men's desire (a staple of SciFi, generally going no further) yet with several complex female characters.

All in all, it's a light read with much silliness. Best done over a single stretch so you don't forget who is who.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

When you can't tell the humour apart from the deep multifaceted societal commentary, because it's not funny, and doesn't seem like deep commentary either, well, then you've found this book.

There's got to be more there than I found in this novel, but for me it wasn't worth the time spent looking for it.

[Berlindelight · Rating 1 out of 5]

Selten habe ich mich so sehr mühsam durch ein fictionales Buch gekämpft wie bei diesen. Im Ansatz tolle Ideen, aber dank der abstruzen Personen und schwer folgbaren Handlungsverläufe, nicht umbedingt ein Buch was man von Kotzwinkle gelesen haben muss. Sein E.T war definitiv besser.

[grundoon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kotzwinkle brings his signature later-period feel-good/morality/humor mix to a scifi setting with plenty of nod to Mos Eisley. Not one of his best, maybe not even one of his better, but still an enjoyable little read.

[Sharessa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked this up off of my new room-mate's bookshelf.

[Trent Stephens · Rating 3 out of 5]

This isnt a good book. Ok story line, and a lot of work to learn about a whole "new world" that i'll never read anything about again. This is the same guy that wrote ET.... really...

[Paul · Rating 2 out of 5]

6/10

A definitive miss by a highly competent writer. Don't disregard the rest of his work because of this novel.