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After This: When Life Is Over, Where Do We Go?
In After This, acclaimed author, and therapist Claire Bidwell Smith confronts the question she encounters every day in private practice—what happens after we die?
In an exploration of the afterlife that is part personal, part prescriptive—Smith invites us on her journey into the unknown. She How do we grieve our loved ones without proof that they live on? Will we ever see them again? Can they see us now, even though they are gone?
Chronicling our steps along the path that bridges this world and the next, Smith undergoes past-life regressions and sessions with mediums and psychics and immerses herself in the ceremonies of organized religion and the rigor of scientific experiments to try and find the answers.
Drawing on both her personal losses, recounted in her memoir The Rules of Inheritance, as well as her background working in hospice as a bereavement counselor, Smith attempts to show how exploring the afterlife can have a positive impact on the grief process.
In an exploration of the afterlife that is part personal, part prescriptive—Smith invites us on her journey into the unknown. She How do we grieve our loved ones without proof that they live on? Will we ever see them again? Can they see us now, even though they are gone?
Chronicling our steps along the path that bridges this world and the next, Smith undergoes past-life regressions and sessions with mediums and psychics and immerses herself in the ceremonies of organized religion and the rigor of scientific experiments to try and find the answers.
Drawing on both her personal losses, recounted in her memoir The Rules of Inheritance, as well as her background working in hospice as a bereavement counselor, Smith attempts to show how exploring the afterlife can have a positive impact on the grief process.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published April 28, 2015
56 people are currently reading
2299 people want to read
About the author
Claire Bidwell Smith
6 books261 followersClaire Bidwell Smith lives in Los Angeles. She is the author of the books The Rules of Inheritance (Penguin 2012), and After This (Penguin, 2015). Claire works in private practice as a therapist specializing in grief.
The Rules of Inheritance, a Barnes & Noble Discover Pick and a Books for a Better Life nominee, has been published in 17 countries and is currently being turned into a film.
Claire received a BA in creative writing from The New School and a MA in clinical psychology from Antioch University. She has written for many publications including The Huffington Post, Salon.com, Slate, BlackBook Magazine and Chicago Public Radio. Her background includes travel and food writing, working for nonprofits like Dave Eggers’ literacy center 826LA, and bereavement counseling for hospice.
The Rules of Inheritance, a Barnes & Noble Discover Pick and a Books for a Better Life nominee, has been published in 17 countries and is currently being turned into a film.
Claire received a BA in creative writing from The New School and a MA in clinical psychology from Antioch University. She has written for many publications including The Huffington Post, Salon.com, Slate, BlackBook Magazine and Chicago Public Radio. Her background includes travel and food writing, working for nonprofits like Dave Eggers’ literacy center 826LA, and bereavement counseling for hospice.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 134 reviews
December 1, 2015
Grief makes you crazy. If you want a one sentence review of this book, perhaps you can just stop reading here. And if you are grieving and feeling crazy, then go and get yourself a copy of this book, which is the author's one woman research project into the concept of the afterlife. After This is touching, entertaining, realistic and 'out there' at turns. The author lost both of her parents by age 25 and these events have informed her entire adult life -- wounding her deeply but also setting her on the path to her life's work (bereavement support) and spiritual journey.
So this is going to be another one of 'those reviews'. I lost my mom and dad last year, and have been compelled to read about various aspects of death and dying, grief and mourning ever since. The loss of my parents made me a little crazy and pushed me to the limits of my emotional and physical endurance. I am only just beginning the rest-of-my-lifetime process of accepting and internalizing their absence into my daily routine. It is going to be a very long and fraught journey and I related and took comfort in Claire Bidwell Smith's ongoing struggle to incorporate her losses into her own life. Like Claire, I am a busy mom with a job and family and countless errands and domestic duties to perform each week. I perform all of these requirements without a hitch most of the time -- but there is a huge open wound in my life which also needs to be tended.
Grief, for me, is 90% 'normal'. I go to work, shop for groceries, cook and clean, take my daughter to social events and after school activities and putter around with my own little hobbies (including reading and writing book reviews.) -- But it is 10% insanity. Once you get to the point in life where some of your most favorite and beloved people are dead...there are those other days when you are compelled to sit and commune with the ghosts of your life. You are momentarily paralysed by their lack of tangible form. You yearn to make a phone call or give or receive an embrace...to hold a conversation that was broken off permanently...to share a joke or story that you just know that person, alone amongst all your friends and acquaintances, would appreciate. The simplest and most basic forms of human communication are denied to you. And you go a little crazy. You weep and you rage. But it solves nothing. And then, as quickly as the insanity overtook you...you go back to the mundane activities of day to day life, once again calm and reasonable. Oh yes, you remind yourself...they are dead. I will never see them or embrace them or laugh with them or even cry with them again. Grief is the storm that rages into a day, wrecks havoc for an hour, and then retreats beyond the hills into a gentle and melancholy shower.
But still you long to pull back the curtain. "What if" they can still be with us somehow -- watching over us or guiding us or just still loving us from beyond this known dimension? Although I have spent a lifetime being fascinated by the world's 'unsolved mysteries' and enjoy the notions of ESP, past lives, astrology and an after life, I also have an equally strong practical streak. I have never seen evidence of these things in my own life. Thus I have trouble believing them in all seriousness. Yet grief has, at least momentarily, pulled me deeper into the wondering. I am curious and tempted to explore some concepts that I would have relegated to the realm of parlor game just a few years ago.
Claire Bidwell Smith gave in to her curiosity about psychic mediums, past lives, and the afterlife and dove into the deep end of the seeker's pool. She booked sessions with psychics and intuitives and had some experiences that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Yes, she also encountered a few duds. Along with the more 'alternative' conduits to the afterlife, the author also spoke to a rabbi and attended a lecture given by a man who claims to have died and gone to hell. Like me, Bidwell Smith does not appear to have selected a religion of choice in which to put her beliefs and practices into a neat category. And this book indicates that she is more drawn to and interested in alternative sources of spiritual expression and comfort.
Bidwell Smith is an engaging narrator and enthusiastically takes the reader along on her journey. She has a modest style and admits to being a bit bemused by some of her experiences. As she devotes more and more of her time to the pursuit of the afterlife, however, she begins to grow more relaxed and in tune with the forces whom
she appears to meet in her meditation, shamanic and medium sessions. It was compelling reading! And it gave me a few thrills. I openly admit that I am tempted to dip at least a little toe into the 'woo woo waters' now that I have read and enjoyed this book so much. As a griever, this book gives me permission to pursue my imaginative ideas about 'what could be out there' and also lets me know that, regardless of the experiences I may have or the 'answers' I might find...this is all part of a natural process of exploration that many are driven to follow after a great loss. I have lost so much. We will all lose so much. Perhaps one thing that can be gained is a broader acceptance of what is possible -- both in this world and a next world. After This urged me to open my mind and live with a hope that 'there is more than this' -- and that it is an inclusive and benevolent force that binds the human family.
So this is going to be another one of 'those reviews'. I lost my mom and dad last year, and have been compelled to read about various aspects of death and dying, grief and mourning ever since. The loss of my parents made me a little crazy and pushed me to the limits of my emotional and physical endurance. I am only just beginning the rest-of-my-lifetime process of accepting and internalizing their absence into my daily routine. It is going to be a very long and fraught journey and I related and took comfort in Claire Bidwell Smith's ongoing struggle to incorporate her losses into her own life. Like Claire, I am a busy mom with a job and family and countless errands and domestic duties to perform each week. I perform all of these requirements without a hitch most of the time -- but there is a huge open wound in my life which also needs to be tended.
Grief, for me, is 90% 'normal'. I go to work, shop for groceries, cook and clean, take my daughter to social events and after school activities and putter around with my own little hobbies (including reading and writing book reviews.) -- But it is 10% insanity. Once you get to the point in life where some of your most favorite and beloved people are dead...there are those other days when you are compelled to sit and commune with the ghosts of your life. You are momentarily paralysed by their lack of tangible form. You yearn to make a phone call or give or receive an embrace...to hold a conversation that was broken off permanently...to share a joke or story that you just know that person, alone amongst all your friends and acquaintances, would appreciate. The simplest and most basic forms of human communication are denied to you. And you go a little crazy. You weep and you rage. But it solves nothing. And then, as quickly as the insanity overtook you...you go back to the mundane activities of day to day life, once again calm and reasonable. Oh yes, you remind yourself...they are dead. I will never see them or embrace them or laugh with them or even cry with them again. Grief is the storm that rages into a day, wrecks havoc for an hour, and then retreats beyond the hills into a gentle and melancholy shower.
But still you long to pull back the curtain. "What if" they can still be with us somehow -- watching over us or guiding us or just still loving us from beyond this known dimension? Although I have spent a lifetime being fascinated by the world's 'unsolved mysteries' and enjoy the notions of ESP, past lives, astrology and an after life, I also have an equally strong practical streak. I have never seen evidence of these things in my own life. Thus I have trouble believing them in all seriousness. Yet grief has, at least momentarily, pulled me deeper into the wondering. I am curious and tempted to explore some concepts that I would have relegated to the realm of parlor game just a few years ago.
Claire Bidwell Smith gave in to her curiosity about psychic mediums, past lives, and the afterlife and dove into the deep end of the seeker's pool. She booked sessions with psychics and intuitives and had some experiences that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Yes, she also encountered a few duds. Along with the more 'alternative' conduits to the afterlife, the author also spoke to a rabbi and attended a lecture given by a man who claims to have died and gone to hell. Like me, Bidwell Smith does not appear to have selected a religion of choice in which to put her beliefs and practices into a neat category. And this book indicates that she is more drawn to and interested in alternative sources of spiritual expression and comfort.
Bidwell Smith is an engaging narrator and enthusiastically takes the reader along on her journey. She has a modest style and admits to being a bit bemused by some of her experiences. As she devotes more and more of her time to the pursuit of the afterlife, however, she begins to grow more relaxed and in tune with the forces whom
she appears to meet in her meditation, shamanic and medium sessions. It was compelling reading! And it gave me a few thrills. I openly admit that I am tempted to dip at least a little toe into the 'woo woo waters' now that I have read and enjoyed this book so much. As a griever, this book gives me permission to pursue my imaginative ideas about 'what could be out there' and also lets me know that, regardless of the experiences I may have or the 'answers' I might find...this is all part of a natural process of exploration that many are driven to follow after a great loss. I have lost so much. We will all lose so much. Perhaps one thing that can be gained is a broader acceptance of what is possible -- both in this world and a next world. After This urged me to open my mind and live with a hope that 'there is more than this' -- and that it is an inclusive and benevolent force that binds the human family.
December 15, 2015
Like most people, I didn't really think or know much about spirituality and the afterlife until I experienced a huge loss.
In talking about the lingering effects of grief, author Claire Bidwell Smith and a friend agree that even after the immediate loss subsides, there's still the lingering curiosity about what all this means.
Smith has experienced even more loss than I have, so that plus her profession as a grief counselor set her on the path of exploring what happens after we die. As she watches her daughters play, she thinks, "...the only thing I really want them to understand about death is that it does not change love."
It doesn't help that in our culture, we fear death, and we do what we can to prolong it - sometimes to detrimental effect.
Smith's writing style is easy and engaging, and I was completely engrossed. She does the legwork for us and tries to keep an open mind in doing so. She's relatable, has no ulterior motives, and tells it like it is. Ultimately, what she wants readers to get out of the book is not to provide a definitive answer about what happens next, but to give ourselves permission to ask questions we may have been afraid to ask.
A quote that stands out is from her meeting with Rabbi Mendel Simons, who tells her that happiness is a by-product of living a meaningful and purposeful life. "You don't have to pursue happiness," he says, "you just need to live a purposeful life, a meaningful life." If you're feeling down or unmotivated, try helping someone else. Odds are you'll get some much needed energy and drive.
Smith's journey is credible and fascinating. Ultimately what matters is what brings you peace and comfort. Often that comes with knowing that our loved ones are ok and still part of us.
In talking about the lingering effects of grief, author Claire Bidwell Smith and a friend agree that even after the immediate loss subsides, there's still the lingering curiosity about what all this means.
Losing someone you love throws your whole life into question. What are we doing here? What is the point of all this? Why do some people die young or in horrific accidents or awful illnesses, and others live until they are ninety? These questions become louder and louder following a loss. They come in waves....When you lose someone you love, your whole existence can be thrown into question. But for those who have not lost someone significant these questions may never arise.
Smith has experienced even more loss than I have, so that plus her profession as a grief counselor set her on the path of exploring what happens after we die. As she watches her daughters play, she thinks, "...the only thing I really want them to understand about death is that it does not change love."
It doesn't help that in our culture, we fear death, and we do what we can to prolong it - sometimes to detrimental effect.
My mother died when I was eighteen, and one of the aspects I was most troubled by in my grief process was how little the people around me were able to talk about death. And while it's normal for grieving individuals, and the people surrounding them, to want to move forward rather than dwell on the loss, it's inevitable that thoughts of death become more present than ever. How does someone reconcile this experience within a culture that tends to shrink from the idea of death?
Smith's writing style is easy and engaging, and I was completely engrossed. She does the legwork for us and tries to keep an open mind in doing so. She's relatable, has no ulterior motives, and tells it like it is. Ultimately, what she wants readers to get out of the book is not to provide a definitive answer about what happens next, but to give ourselves permission to ask questions we may have been afraid to ask.
A quote that stands out is from her meeting with Rabbi Mendel Simons, who tells her that happiness is a by-product of living a meaningful and purposeful life. "You don't have to pursue happiness," he says, "you just need to live a purposeful life, a meaningful life." If you're feeling down or unmotivated, try helping someone else. Odds are you'll get some much needed energy and drive.
Smith's journey is credible and fascinating. Ultimately what matters is what brings you peace and comfort. Often that comes with knowing that our loved ones are ok and still part of us.
March 22, 2017
This is going to be one of my longer commentaries because this book was just, wow. Beautiful, powerful, and moving. The timing of this read (listen) dovetails with something the author and I both have in common, daughters.
This is the story of an only child who lost her mother when she was about 14 and her father when she was in her early 20’s (this was an audiobook, so I didn’t write down the exact ages). She also lost a dear friend to cancer in college with whom she made a pact of a message or symbols that only they knew with the promise to try to contact each other through spiritual means. The book details her journey of not only hoping to contact her friend and family but answer the bigger philosophical question, what happens after we die?
Her journey takes her to visits to some of the country’s most famous mediums, such as Theresa Caputo, James van Praagh, and John Edward. She even asks John Edwards (I think it was him), well, where are the spirits? He says everywhere. It is like asking where is the Internet? I thought this was a great metaphor. She investigates the world’s religions on death, has past life regressions with the famous Brian Weiss who wrote, Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, His Young Patient, and the Past Life Therapy That Changed Both Their Lives, conducted séances and used Ouija boards. I won’t spoil it by saying what she uncovered, but know that it was beautiful and heart-wrenching, especially near the end of the book when she loses two other friends to breast cancer at the age of 37. I was working in the yard listening at this time and had to fight back the tears.
At the end of each chapter, the author writes a letter to her daughters telling them about the journey, about death, and most importantly about life. She shared her experiences on how to live life to the fullest and how to become happy, strong women. At first, I thought they were a little over the top, but as the book unfolded and the author suffered additional losses, it was clear that these were truly heart-felt.
I don’t know if I’m getting this exactly right, but essentially she says that people are sad when loved ones die because they believe the love is gone. Through her journey however, she finds that those who passed are still with us always and the love is not gone because we are the love.
It is these letters that coincided with a recent experience I had with my daughters but in my case they wrote the note about me about their lives thus far. At my daughters’ high school, seniors are invited to write a 700-word essay nominating their dad for King Dad at the Daddy/Daughter Dance. Twenty-two senior girls did so this year which was the most in the four years of our attendance. In front of 800 dads/daughters the top 3 are read by one student with the winner being read last. Both of my daughters submitted entries. So I actually had 2 shots at the title. As the first was read, I told my daughter well, we're still in the running. As the second was read I said the same thing. Then the last one was read and it was daughter’s essay, making me King Dad!! As her essay was being read, she began crying which in turn choked me up as I fought back from tearing up in front of the other dads at our table.
I can't even read it without tears. I am stunned to see how much she remembers I am so proud of both girls every day and love them very much. I know I’ll be a disaster when it comes time for me to walk them down the aisle but it will be a moment I’ll relish and cherish. So, this is what my daughter wrote and I am happy to immortalize it here.
He coached soccer, plays baseball, has an unlimited arsenal of dad jokes he pulls from daily, sings the national anthem with more enthusiasm with little talent and as loud as the entire United Center combined and vaguely resembles the dad from “Full House.” From an outsider looking in, my dad’s qualities create the perfect recipe for a typical suburban dad. Yet, to me, my dad is more than typical. He is my king. What sets him apart is his undying supportiveness, hard work and incredible ability to deal with my stubbornness.
My dad never forgets to remind me how growing up he would shout, “Stop getting big!” This would be followed by my high-pitched giggles and explaining “Dad, you’re silly. I can’t help it.” Some nights, like tonight, at our last daddy-daughter dance after nine consecutive attendances, I wish I had listened to him. Yet, he has prepared me to get big, so one day I can do great things for others. He has supported me and encouraged me to do anything that would make me a better person, even if in sometimes roundabout ways. I am proud to say that my dad never let me win anything as a child. He taught me the importance of having fun in games, even if I lost every, single time. Sure, there were times in first grade I would cry and pout over it, but those few times I beat him in Candy Land or Hi Ho Cherry-o, I was never more excited. It was those many game days that made me the competitive but good sport I am today. He was also supportive of me when it came to athletics. You could say I was never exactly coordinated. Yet, he was by my side, being the assistant coach and my biggest fan to motivate me.
Through endless days of work and doing whatever he could to ensure that I received the best possible education, my dad never failed to put my sister and me first. I am so thankful for everything he has done to make sure I was healthy and happy, like even running through a hurricane to get food for our family. Despite everything materialistic he has passed on to me, the biggest devotion he has gifted me with is the quality time we have spent together. One of my earliest and favorite memories was in elementary school when we would spend at least an hour a night with my dad reading Harry Potter to my sister and me. As he would read with funny, unique voices for each character, I would practice nail filing skills on his fingers and toes. This lead to some interesting conversations at his next meeting with his co-worker, stunned in the face, saying “Dude, why are your nails so shiny?” I think it was his love that turned that probably embarrassing moment into pride of how much time he had spent with his daughters. Over the years, we stopped reading at night and his nails have dulled, yet I am happy to say that we still spend time together in new ways. Whether it is watching the Blackhawks or doing those, old, cheesy yoga videos that my friends- and his friends- would make fun of us for, I look forward to the time together. And yes Dad, they are cheesy.
I hope to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be as intelligent, caring, kind and generous person as he was to me. As our favorite song to dance to, “Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman, says “So I will dance with Cinderella/ While she is still here in my arms/ ‘Cause I knew something the prince never knew.” It’s true. My dad knows me better than anyone in the world. He has taught me everything as I grew, cried, laughed and learned through the best and worst times of my life. Yet, what Chapman has wrong, is that we will never stop dancing together. A prince may never understand how I came to be the person I am completely, but my dad made me who I am. That’s what makes him my king. The goofiest, dorkiest, smartest king in the entire world.
After I’ve finished writing this, I realized I can give you the Cliff Notes version, but doing it at the beginning would not have been as cathartic for me. Remember, life is short. Live every moment and love it with others. You won’t be here forever, but when you’re gone, your love will carry on through them.
This is the story of an only child who lost her mother when she was about 14 and her father when she was in her early 20’s (this was an audiobook, so I didn’t write down the exact ages). She also lost a dear friend to cancer in college with whom she made a pact of a message or symbols that only they knew with the promise to try to contact each other through spiritual means. The book details her journey of not only hoping to contact her friend and family but answer the bigger philosophical question, what happens after we die?
Her journey takes her to visits to some of the country’s most famous mediums, such as Theresa Caputo, James van Praagh, and John Edward. She even asks John Edwards (I think it was him), well, where are the spirits? He says everywhere. It is like asking where is the Internet? I thought this was a great metaphor. She investigates the world’s religions on death, has past life regressions with the famous Brian Weiss who wrote, Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, His Young Patient, and the Past Life Therapy That Changed Both Their Lives, conducted séances and used Ouija boards. I won’t spoil it by saying what she uncovered, but know that it was beautiful and heart-wrenching, especially near the end of the book when she loses two other friends to breast cancer at the age of 37. I was working in the yard listening at this time and had to fight back the tears.
At the end of each chapter, the author writes a letter to her daughters telling them about the journey, about death, and most importantly about life. She shared her experiences on how to live life to the fullest and how to become happy, strong women. At first, I thought they were a little over the top, but as the book unfolded and the author suffered additional losses, it was clear that these were truly heart-felt.
I don’t know if I’m getting this exactly right, but essentially she says that people are sad when loved ones die because they believe the love is gone. Through her journey however, she finds that those who passed are still with us always and the love is not gone because we are the love.
It is these letters that coincided with a recent experience I had with my daughters but in my case they wrote the note about me about their lives thus far. At my daughters’ high school, seniors are invited to write a 700-word essay nominating their dad for King Dad at the Daddy/Daughter Dance. Twenty-two senior girls did so this year which was the most in the four years of our attendance. In front of 800 dads/daughters the top 3 are read by one student with the winner being read last. Both of my daughters submitted entries. So I actually had 2 shots at the title. As the first was read, I told my daughter well, we're still in the running. As the second was read I said the same thing. Then the last one was read and it was daughter’s essay, making me King Dad!! As her essay was being read, she began crying which in turn choked me up as I fought back from tearing up in front of the other dads at our table.
I can't even read it without tears. I am stunned to see how much she remembers I am so proud of both girls every day and love them very much. I know I’ll be a disaster when it comes time for me to walk them down the aisle but it will be a moment I’ll relish and cherish. So, this is what my daughter wrote and I am happy to immortalize it here.
He coached soccer, plays baseball, has an unlimited arsenal of dad jokes he pulls from daily, sings the national anthem with more enthusiasm with little talent and as loud as the entire United Center combined and vaguely resembles the dad from “Full House.” From an outsider looking in, my dad’s qualities create the perfect recipe for a typical suburban dad. Yet, to me, my dad is more than typical. He is my king. What sets him apart is his undying supportiveness, hard work and incredible ability to deal with my stubbornness.
My dad never forgets to remind me how growing up he would shout, “Stop getting big!” This would be followed by my high-pitched giggles and explaining “Dad, you’re silly. I can’t help it.” Some nights, like tonight, at our last daddy-daughter dance after nine consecutive attendances, I wish I had listened to him. Yet, he has prepared me to get big, so one day I can do great things for others. He has supported me and encouraged me to do anything that would make me a better person, even if in sometimes roundabout ways. I am proud to say that my dad never let me win anything as a child. He taught me the importance of having fun in games, even if I lost every, single time. Sure, there were times in first grade I would cry and pout over it, but those few times I beat him in Candy Land or Hi Ho Cherry-o, I was never more excited. It was those many game days that made me the competitive but good sport I am today. He was also supportive of me when it came to athletics. You could say I was never exactly coordinated. Yet, he was by my side, being the assistant coach and my biggest fan to motivate me.
Through endless days of work and doing whatever he could to ensure that I received the best possible education, my dad never failed to put my sister and me first. I am so thankful for everything he has done to make sure I was healthy and happy, like even running through a hurricane to get food for our family. Despite everything materialistic he has passed on to me, the biggest devotion he has gifted me with is the quality time we have spent together. One of my earliest and favorite memories was in elementary school when we would spend at least an hour a night with my dad reading Harry Potter to my sister and me. As he would read with funny, unique voices for each character, I would practice nail filing skills on his fingers and toes. This lead to some interesting conversations at his next meeting with his co-worker, stunned in the face, saying “Dude, why are your nails so shiny?” I think it was his love that turned that probably embarrassing moment into pride of how much time he had spent with his daughters. Over the years, we stopped reading at night and his nails have dulled, yet I am happy to say that we still spend time together in new ways. Whether it is watching the Blackhawks or doing those, old, cheesy yoga videos that my friends- and his friends- would make fun of us for, I look forward to the time together. And yes Dad, they are cheesy.
I hope to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be as intelligent, caring, kind and generous person as he was to me. As our favorite song to dance to, “Cinderella” by Steven Curtis Chapman, says “So I will dance with Cinderella/ While she is still here in my arms/ ‘Cause I knew something the prince never knew.” It’s true. My dad knows me better than anyone in the world. He has taught me everything as I grew, cried, laughed and learned through the best and worst times of my life. Yet, what Chapman has wrong, is that we will never stop dancing together. A prince may never understand how I came to be the person I am completely, but my dad made me who I am. That’s what makes him my king. The goofiest, dorkiest, smartest king in the entire world.
After I’ve finished writing this, I realized I can give you the Cliff Notes version, but doing it at the beginning would not have been as cathartic for me. Remember, life is short. Live every moment and love it with others. You won’t be here forever, but when you’re gone, your love will carry on through them.
March 31, 2023
My experience with this book feels tender and raw - almost like I want to protect my reading experience from any possible scrutiny because of how much this one meant to me. More than just a book I read, it was a life raft during one of the worst months of my life. Maybe I’ll come back someday and say more, but right now I’ll just say that if this one appeals to you at all, I cannot recommend it highly enough.
—————
(and while it appears IMPOSSIBLE to find to purchase literally anywhere, I can report back excitedly that in my singleminded plight to find a copy of my own to keep, I found out from the author herself that she’s working to self-publish a rereleased copy. I will be stocking up to have a few copies on hand when that happens!)
—————
(and while it appears IMPOSSIBLE to find to purchase literally anywhere, I can report back excitedly that in my singleminded plight to find a copy of my own to keep, I found out from the author herself that she’s working to self-publish a rereleased copy. I will be stocking up to have a few copies on hand when that happens!)
April 22, 2015
What a beautiful journey to embark upon with Claire. Heartbreaking, thought-provoking, and such a gift to this world -- this open conversation about death and what comes 'After This'. The letters to her daughters, included at the end of each chapter, about ripped me in two. ❤️ I will never look at death (or life) the same way.
November 21, 2020
I downloaded this book because the title is what caught my eye. I have heard of the psychic medium Theresa Caputo and also have read the novel 23 Minutes in Hell by Bill Wiese. Never EVER did I thought that this book would scare me yet alone help me with my own struggles on grief. I have listened to the novel It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine. She, too, wrote about grief but nothing compares to this book. The reason why this book scared me is her perception on Bill Wiese. Reading about his story years ago when I was a Bible-totter - I believed it then. After listening to that summary again on how every sin whether big or small we end up in Hell. It led me back into disbelief and also re-focused on my spiritual path with Wicca. This book helped me with my grief after hearing the loss of her parents. I was 18 when my dad died and I could relate to her loss and the questions that followed from their deaths. I've been to a few psychic medium conferences and have seen Theresa Caputo on television. I even tuned into Tyler Henry and watched a few episodes on his clairvoyant abilities. When I heard that this author attended some of the most expensive medium conferences that is where I got curious. Hearing about what she discovered and the overall concept of the spirit world being like an example with the internet. It gave me closure on my grief with knowing that our loved ones aren't fully gone. I don't believe in the notion of Heaven and Hell for that is a mystery to me. I do believe we are spirits and have energies with the universe. When it comes to death this book is one to read. If you aren't a fan of psychic mediums then this book isn't for you since a lot of the chapters weigh heavily on those research topics. The book didn't scare me until around Chapter 4 is when I got goosebumps all over my body!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 1, 2015
Engrossing and heartfelt- Claire Bidwell Smith has done it again. This book is written with honesty and heart while taking readers on a journey not to be forgotten. It is equally as heartbreaking as heartwarming and will leave you thinking long after finishing it.
May 10, 2015
Wow. Very rarely, if ever, have I said after finishing a book, "I'm going to read that again right now." This is a book that you will never give away. You will read it over and over with every new grief that life brings you, and hold it for comfort and refer to it for guidance. Claire speaks from the heart. She is honest about her grief and her questions about life after death, and her conclusions are practical and direct, and so universally acceptable. There is a lot of peace that comes through in her writing. She has walked down a dark path, and is able to point out the tricky bits to everyone walking down that dark path, too. She gives me hope, in her writing, that there is a way out of the tangle of grief. She is living proof (pun intended) that life can be glorious despite loss. This book will stay with me forever.
May 4, 2015
Claire, you made me laugh out loud (in a public place!) and you made me cry. The words that come immediately to mind are profound, and beautiful, tender and moving. Books about theories on the after life, reincarnation, mediums and all beliefs about what come next sometimes come across as either unbelievable, or lacking in emotional depth and credibility. None of those words apply to your book. It was a pleasure to read and it felt as though I was on the journey with you. I would recommend this to everyone who has ever asked the question of what happens after we die?
Most importantly for me, it reassured me that if anything ever happens to me, to end my days earlier than I would like, that my two little boys will always be ok, because love is never ending.
Most importantly for me, it reassured me that if anything ever happens to me, to end my days earlier than I would like, that my two little boys will always be ok, because love is never ending.
July 24, 2015
Claire Bidwell Smith, an only child, lost both of her parents by her mid-twenties. She is now a grief therapist and writer, which prompted her to embark on this journey to research the afterlife. I adored Smith's first memoir The Rules of Inheritance, so I knew I had to read After This.
It becomes clear early on that Smith is not on a religious quest. Hers is a desire to connect with her deceased parents and friends, a spiritual reaching out to communicate and feel the presence of her loved ones in the spirit world. Her repeated visits with psychic mediums, shamans, and mystics prove to be extremely therapeutic for her. She learns truths about life and death. She learns techniques that she can use to help her clients.
To me, this book is more about grief than the afterlife. Smith is still wading through her own grief over losing her mother, her father, a couple of dear friends. Her spiritual journey is honest and vulnerable, skeptical and open-minded.
Where I really connected with Smith was through the letters to her daughters that she included at the end of each chapter. Like me, she has two young daughters, and she writes letters to tell them important messages and life lessons that she wants them to know. I envied her ability to share these beautiful messages with her daughters.
Though my beliefs are different than Smith's, they really aren't that separate. My religion has satisfying answers to all of the questions Smith asks. My faith agrees with truths she discovered. Love never dies.
It becomes clear early on that Smith is not on a religious quest. Hers is a desire to connect with her deceased parents and friends, a spiritual reaching out to communicate and feel the presence of her loved ones in the spirit world. Her repeated visits with psychic mediums, shamans, and mystics prove to be extremely therapeutic for her. She learns truths about life and death. She learns techniques that she can use to help her clients.
To me, this book is more about grief than the afterlife. Smith is still wading through her own grief over losing her mother, her father, a couple of dear friends. Her spiritual journey is honest and vulnerable, skeptical and open-minded.
Where I really connected with Smith was through the letters to her daughters that she included at the end of each chapter. Like me, she has two young daughters, and she writes letters to tell them important messages and life lessons that she wants them to know. I envied her ability to share these beautiful messages with her daughters.
Though my beliefs are different than Smith's, they really aren't that separate. My religion has satisfying answers to all of the questions Smith asks. My faith agrees with truths she discovered. Love never dies.
May 3, 2015
A beautiful, honest book about loss, love and the search for a meaning behind it all. I love that Claire does not try to prove or disprove but just works to understand grief and ways to connect and stay connected with loved ones she has lost. A book that stays with you....
January 8, 2016
Fascinating. I like that the author doesn't have any particular religious affiliation, so each avenue explored has the same approach. Very thought-provoking!
October 29, 2024
Would I personally ever visit a psychic, shaman, or past life regression therapist? No, probably not.
Would I happily listen to someone else describe their experiences with those things? Oh yes, with pleasure and with popcorn ready.
I thought I'd be giving this book four or even five stars for that reason, since I did really enjoy the author's exploration of grief and openness to how different people view the afterlife, from evangelical Christians to indigenous shamans. Her insights helped me understand and appreciate a broader range of beliefs, and in that respect, this book was a valuable read.
However, the tone shifted in the final few chapters from "journalist exploring the afterlife as a concept" to "Eat, Pray, Love 2.0" as her beliefs about the afterlife changed and cemented into something specific she wanted to share with others. Maybe to her, writing so much about her own life and beliefs felt natural and unavoidable, but to me, it felt like an attempt at persuasion via personal testimony. As much as she didn't like Christianity, her tone by the end did ring some evangelical bells.
I was hoping she'd keep delving into different perspectives - she didn't mention druidism, for example, or even Islam (!) - but instead, she kept returning to psychics and shamans, which made me think the book was less about the afterlife and more about a skeptic getting slowly drawn into the mysticisms popular in Los Angeles. Still interesting, but not exactly what I'd signed up for.
Would I happily listen to someone else describe their experiences with those things? Oh yes, with pleasure and with popcorn ready.
I thought I'd be giving this book four or even five stars for that reason, since I did really enjoy the author's exploration of grief and openness to how different people view the afterlife, from evangelical Christians to indigenous shamans. Her insights helped me understand and appreciate a broader range of beliefs, and in that respect, this book was a valuable read.
However, the tone shifted in the final few chapters from "journalist exploring the afterlife as a concept" to "Eat, Pray, Love 2.0" as her beliefs about the afterlife changed and cemented into something specific she wanted to share with others. Maybe to her, writing so much about her own life and beliefs felt natural and unavoidable, but to me, it felt like an attempt at persuasion via personal testimony. As much as she didn't like Christianity, her tone by the end did ring some evangelical bells.
I was hoping she'd keep delving into different perspectives - she didn't mention druidism, for example, or even Islam (!) - but instead, she kept returning to psychics and shamans, which made me think the book was less about the afterlife and more about a skeptic getting slowly drawn into the mysticisms popular in Los Angeles. Still interesting, but not exactly what I'd signed up for.
Read
May 13, 2020I wish I remembered why I picked this up, because it was really a mixed bag for me. In the negative column, it was too woo-woo for me, and it felt like it could have been trimmed a lot - or, to put it another way, there was a lot of information about traveling to the places the author was going and a lot of lead up to people the author met. On the plus side, this was a book focused on discussing and processing grief in a generally secular, if spiritual, way, which I appreciate. Some of the messages the author expressed resonated even if the path to them didn't, for me.
December 24, 2021
Possibly my best friend in my life died in an accident last Monday. He and I were deeply spiritual soul-friends. We met thirty years ago, in college. We've explored spirituality together. And music. This book was the perfect choice for the week following this sudden, unacceptable loss. It was perfect because I know he has already contact me at least once since he passed. It was perfect because it is a humane, open-hearted, open-minded journey. It's perfect because it's last line is what I needed to hear: "There is no such thing as goodbye."
December 17, 2015
I discovered Claire Bidwell Smith's writing through her first book, The Rules of Inheritance. Between reading that stunning memoir and the new, equally stunning After This, I experienced two very profound losses. I turned my new, grief-stricken eyes toward After This, and was rewarded with humor, insight, comfort and so many examples of love in life and beyond.
Reading this beautiful book, I felt I was being gently guided by Bidwell Smith along an explorative journey into the afterlife, via her elegant and lyrical prose. But, just as important, I found After This a thoughtful examination about the fragility and complexity of life as well. My heart was broken and healed as I moved through the unique and special experience that is this memoir. Bidwell Smith held my hand through it all.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever questioned what comes next for us all.
Reading this beautiful book, I felt I was being gently guided by Bidwell Smith along an explorative journey into the afterlife, via her elegant and lyrical prose. But, just as important, I found After This a thoughtful examination about the fragility and complexity of life as well. My heart was broken and healed as I moved through the unique and special experience that is this memoir. Bidwell Smith held my hand through it all.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever questioned what comes next for us all.
July 10, 2015
My review is based on the audiobook.
AFTER THIS: WHEN LIFE IS OVER, WHERE DO WE GO? was an amazingly well-researched and well-written audiobook about what happens and where we go when we die. I enjoyed it immensely. While working in grief counseling and as a hospice bereavement coordinator, Claire herself had many losses which lead her to search for answers. I liked the way the book started out with her telling the story about how she gifts butterfly kits for her daughters on their birthdays. This was a perfect metaphor as well as a great example of transformation. Several years after the loss of her best friend and struggling for years with anxiety after her mother died, she decided to further seek out answers. What she learned was insightful, thoughtful, and eye-opening.
More of this review can be found at Sixth Dimension Audiobook Reviews
May 13, 2015
Life changing read. Open my eyes to so much that I never thought about before.
July 29, 2019
As a person who’s prone to introspection, I spend a considerable amount of time pondering Big Existential Questions™️ already. I can’t help it. They take a hold of me and squeeze. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember, with a part of me like a plane with wheels spinning. Then spinning faster and faster on a runaway headed for the sky, soaring into questions with answers I’ll more than likely only graze, but not find, never fully know.
Still, it’s more about the trip than the destination. It’s about how I learn to make sense of the world around me by being inquisitive (sometimes too much for my own good). The way I can broach or breach my beliefs, too, shaking them to the core when I’m faced with something I can’t quite reconcile and being okay with that. Being open to changing my mind.
The point is I’m unabashedly curious to try and puzzle out my feelings. I like to pick apart some of life’s unknowns, its little mysteries, the myriad of things which either connect or disconnect from human universality and subjective experience, so thinking about life (what it all means) and about death (plus everything that may or may not come after it) allows me to do that. This book, as it happens, encourages you to think about those things from the first to the last page.
It’s questions like these firing in the back of your mind that keep you reading:
What happens after we die? Where do we go? If we’re the ones left behind, how do we cope? Does reincarnation exist? Are we all here for a reason, to learn some kind of a lesson; and if we are, what is it? Why?
How about psychic mediums? Heaven? Hell? Spiritual “energies” or different dimensions? Can loved ones who have passed on truly still see and hear us? What messages, if any, are they trying to convey? Is there a secret to being able to live more in the present? What is the point of this existence? Why are we here?
Like the author, Claire Bidwell-Smith, I ask myself these questions a lot too. With death and disease becoming more prominent figures in my life these past five years especially, stealing away bodily autonomy as well as mortality from numerous members of my family, I’ve been asking them a lot more lately. How do I feel about death? Those I’ve lost? What do I think happens after this?
It’s almost a default setting for me—to wonder. To analyze. To see if I can’t find a way to de-blur some of the lines that exist between fact and faith, between science and spirituality, in my own life.
I’m not afraid to think about death. To talk about it either. I like ruminating over how it may, or has, affected me. It’s quite cathartic and freeing, actually.
That’s one of my biggest takeaways from reading, I think, that so many people are terrified to truly discuss death in general but they shouldn’t be. There’s nothing morbid in musing or commiserating over something that’s universal.
Share your thoughts. Share what it means to love, to grieve. Don’t be afraid to connect to something which will touch us all in the end.
This book is a balm for loss, for those who are bereft or are missing loved ones who have left them. However, it’s also a book about journeying and jockeying for awareness about one’s own beliefs. As a reader, it encourages you to not only identify and consider what you think about death, about the afterlife, but to confront it with a renewed perspective. An open mind. Much like Bidwell-Smith did.
In essence, I like that this book occupies both a consoling and a contemplative niche. It’s unique in that respect, and I appreciate the duality.
Existentially stirring, this one, and surprisingly emotional in places. Definitely worth a read if you’re at all a ponderer like me. :)
Still, it’s more about the trip than the destination. It’s about how I learn to make sense of the world around me by being inquisitive (sometimes too much for my own good). The way I can broach or breach my beliefs, too, shaking them to the core when I’m faced with something I can’t quite reconcile and being okay with that. Being open to changing my mind.
The point is I’m unabashedly curious to try and puzzle out my feelings. I like to pick apart some of life’s unknowns, its little mysteries, the myriad of things which either connect or disconnect from human universality and subjective experience, so thinking about life (what it all means) and about death (plus everything that may or may not come after it) allows me to do that. This book, as it happens, encourages you to think about those things from the first to the last page.
It’s questions like these firing in the back of your mind that keep you reading:
What happens after we die? Where do we go? If we’re the ones left behind, how do we cope? Does reincarnation exist? Are we all here for a reason, to learn some kind of a lesson; and if we are, what is it? Why?
How about psychic mediums? Heaven? Hell? Spiritual “energies” or different dimensions? Can loved ones who have passed on truly still see and hear us? What messages, if any, are they trying to convey? Is there a secret to being able to live more in the present? What is the point of this existence? Why are we here?
Like the author, Claire Bidwell-Smith, I ask myself these questions a lot too. With death and disease becoming more prominent figures in my life these past five years especially, stealing away bodily autonomy as well as mortality from numerous members of my family, I’ve been asking them a lot more lately. How do I feel about death? Those I’ve lost? What do I think happens after this?
It’s almost a default setting for me—to wonder. To analyze. To see if I can’t find a way to de-blur some of the lines that exist between fact and faith, between science and spirituality, in my own life.
I’m not afraid to think about death. To talk about it either. I like ruminating over how it may, or has, affected me. It’s quite cathartic and freeing, actually.
That’s one of my biggest takeaways from reading, I think, that so many people are terrified to truly discuss death in general but they shouldn’t be. There’s nothing morbid in musing or commiserating over something that’s universal.
Share your thoughts. Share what it means to love, to grieve. Don’t be afraid to connect to something which will touch us all in the end.
This book is a balm for loss, for those who are bereft or are missing loved ones who have left them. However, it’s also a book about journeying and jockeying for awareness about one’s own beliefs. As a reader, it encourages you to not only identify and consider what you think about death, about the afterlife, but to confront it with a renewed perspective. An open mind. Much like Bidwell-Smith did.
In essence, I like that this book occupies both a consoling and a contemplative niche. It’s unique in that respect, and I appreciate the duality.
Existentially stirring, this one, and surprisingly emotional in places. Definitely worth a read if you’re at all a ponderer like me. :)
February 5, 2021
It feels like this book found me somehow...like something was drawing me to read it (even though that sounds so cliche). Following the author's journey as she tries to deal with the grief she experienced from losing her parents at a young age really helped me feel better about my own questioning about what I grew up believing. Our loved ones that have passed on are still with us in many ways, and yet a part of us goes with them when they pass. We are no longer the same person. Very moving, but dang, get out the tissues for sure.
Favorite passage:
"Doing what feels right to us is all that matters...Sometimes we get so caught up in cultural or religious ideas of how we are supposed to do things that we forget how powerful it can be to make up our own rituals and ceremonies."
Favorite passage:
"Doing what feels right to us is all that matters...Sometimes we get so caught up in cultural or religious ideas of how we are supposed to do things that we forget how powerful it can be to make up our own rituals and ceremonies."
January 2, 2020
I really have no idea how this came across my to-read list but I thought this book was fascinating and it really resonated with me. The author has no agenda or religious affiliation, she simply has experienced and been shaped by grief and goes to find out as much as she can about what happens when we die and she does it with an open mind. Grief is an endless and lonely thing in ones' life and I believe those of us "in the club" are drawn to others who "get it." This book provided comfort on a certain level for me even though I sobbed through parts of it and I really hate crying.
January 16, 2023
Such a great book. Personal, anecdotal research performed by a grief therapist. Interesting and so moving. I recommend this to everyone 🖤
October 1, 2025
After This: When Life Is Over, Where Do We Go? showed up as available in my Libby library--two years after I tagged it as "notify me." After two recent family deaths, some thinking about the afterlife was what I needed. Rating: Four Stars
The author, Claire Bidwell Smith, suffered from the early deaths of her parents when she was 14 and 25. This influenced her career choice as a grief counselor and author.
In this book, she longs to communicate with her mother, a childhood friend who died young, and a friend who died recently. She ponders if there is an afterlife, and if different religious and spiritual practices can bridge the gap with lost love ones. She employs an investigative, somewhat scientific approach to investigating techniques like mediums, spiritual mysticism, and past life regressions to learn. Each chapter is concluded with warm, insightful letters to her daughters.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
The author, Claire Bidwell Smith, suffered from the early deaths of her parents when she was 14 and 25. This influenced her career choice as a grief counselor and author.
In this book, she longs to communicate with her mother, a childhood friend who died young, and a friend who died recently. She ponders if there is an afterlife, and if different religious and spiritual practices can bridge the gap with lost love ones. She employs an investigative, somewhat scientific approach to investigating techniques like mediums, spiritual mysticism, and past life regressions to learn. Each chapter is concluded with warm, insightful letters to her daughters.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
September 1, 2015
I loved this book, a combination of memoir and stories about death that is perfect to me, and am tempted to recommend all my friends to read, although some will not be sure of the material. Claire Bidwell Smith, is a young mother who works in grief counselling at a hospice and has written an earlier book about the death of her mother and father. Scarred by their deaths, she finds herself worrying about what would happen to her daughters if she died young.
So she seeks to find out what happens after you die. Do you just disappear, is there something after death, does your spirit go to heaven, to hell, is there anything? We join her as she visits psychics, shamans, mediums, churches, Rabbis, yoga retreats, Bali and other places where she seeks out her answers. As well as the loss of her parents, two of her young girlfriends die, and this loss is also devastating for her, stirring up new emotions and questions.
Spaced throughout the book are beautiful letters that the author writes for her daughters - to tell them about herself and the way she lives her life, and how proud she is of them, how much she loves them. How lovely for the girls to know this, that if she were to die that they have these fragments of love to pick up and read and discover their mum.
So she seeks to find out what happens after you die. Do you just disappear, is there something after death, does your spirit go to heaven, to hell, is there anything? We join her as she visits psychics, shamans, mediums, churches, Rabbis, yoga retreats, Bali and other places where she seeks out her answers. As well as the loss of her parents, two of her young girlfriends die, and this loss is also devastating for her, stirring up new emotions and questions.
Spaced throughout the book are beautiful letters that the author writes for her daughters - to tell them about herself and the way she lives her life, and how proud she is of them, how much she loves them. How lovely for the girls to know this, that if she were to die that they have these fragments of love to pick up and read and discover their mum.
August 7, 2015
Claire experienced loss early in life, losing both parents before the age of 30 and a couple friends along the way. I found this book interesting because unlike many others of similar subject matter that I have read, this one actually feels like the author isn’t stretching the truth or misleading readers. Claire has several different sessions with psychics and mediums with hopes to learn more about the afterlife and even possible past-life experiences. I appreciated the honesty and openness she has with grief and loss, and this book helped me see things in a more positive light.
April 27, 2016
I really enjoyed this book. All of us wonder what happens when we die (and when our loved ones die) and this book takes a thoughtful look at that. I appreciated that Smith had a bit of skepticism (as I would, too). She's a grounded, "normal" person, not "out there." This book made me think a lot about the present moment and coming to peace with that inevitable future all of us share.
P.S. I rarely think audio is better than a traditional read, but Claire Bidwell Smith's voice is so soothing. Great audio book!
P.S. I rarely think audio is better than a traditional read, but Claire Bidwell Smith's voice is so soothing. Great audio book!
May 26, 2016
This was a fascinating survey of different beliefs about the after life encountered after the author experienced many deaths of people close to her. She visits mediums (surprisingly accurate); astrologers (also accurate); past life regression therapists (mixed); and a shaman who did a soul retrieval (the most effective in healing her grief, it seemed). What made it interesting is that she had no beliefs or strong feelings on the subject herself, so you're accompanying an agnostic, open-minded, but rational person on a journey into the spiritual realms.
June 5, 2015
I'm a psychotherapist who works with many people looking for understanding about death, the soul and the afterlife. I found "After This" to be a beautifully written, open memoir of the author's journey. I've already sent a copy to a young friend who lost her mother in her early 20's and has no relationship with her father. I'm sure she'll find comfort in its pages. Thank you Claire for sharing your experience.
July 3, 2024
Hard to rate this one from a content perspective, as it’s the author’s personal journey into what happens after death. I read (listened on audio) this as a part of my own research and discovery, as I look into embarking on becoming a hospice nurse after many years working in acute care. I really enjoyed her open-mindedness, candor, and willingness to put herself in uncomfortable situations regarding the subject of death and dying.
November 17, 2015
Loved reading this. After this, is definitely a question I ask myself too. You write about your search in clear and precise words and I connected with your writing style. I look forward to reading more books by you. Thanks for the autographed copy!(I received it from a friend at one of your readings).
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