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Visiting Hours: A Memoir of Friendship and Murder
In this powerful and unforgettable memoir, award-winning writer Amy Butcher examines the shattering consequences of failing a friend when she felt he needed one most.
Four weeks before their college graduation, twenty-one-year-old Kevin Schaeffer walked Amy Butcher to her home in their college town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Hours after parting ways with Amy, he fatally stabbed his ex-girlfriend. While he was awaiting trial, psychiatrists concluded that he had suffered an acute psychotic break. Although severely affected by Kevin’s crime, Amy remained devoted to him as a friend, believing that his actions were the direct result of his untreated illness. Over time, she became obsessed—determined to discover the narrative that explained what Kevin had done. The tragedy deeply shook her concept of reality, disrupted her sense of right and wrong, and dismantled every conceivable notion she’d established about herself and her relation to the world. Eventually realizing that she would never have the answers, or find personal peace, unless she went after it herself, Amy returned to Gettysburg—the first time in three years since graduation—to sift through hundred of pages of public records: mental health evaluations, detectives’ notes, inventories of evidence, search warrants, testimonies, and even Kevin’s own confession.
Visiting Hours is Amy Butcher’s deeply personal, heart-wrenching exploration of how trauma affects memory and the way a friendship changes and often strengthens through seemingly insurmountable challenges. Ultimately, it’s a testament to the bonds we share with others and the profound resilience and strength of the human spirit.
Four weeks before their college graduation, twenty-one-year-old Kevin Schaeffer walked Amy Butcher to her home in their college town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Hours after parting ways with Amy, he fatally stabbed his ex-girlfriend. While he was awaiting trial, psychiatrists concluded that he had suffered an acute psychotic break. Although severely affected by Kevin’s crime, Amy remained devoted to him as a friend, believing that his actions were the direct result of his untreated illness. Over time, she became obsessed—determined to discover the narrative that explained what Kevin had done. The tragedy deeply shook her concept of reality, disrupted her sense of right and wrong, and dismantled every conceivable notion she’d established about herself and her relation to the world. Eventually realizing that she would never have the answers, or find personal peace, unless she went after it herself, Amy returned to Gettysburg—the first time in three years since graduation—to sift through hundred of pages of public records: mental health evaluations, detectives’ notes, inventories of evidence, search warrants, testimonies, and even Kevin’s own confession.
Visiting Hours is Amy Butcher’s deeply personal, heart-wrenching exploration of how trauma affects memory and the way a friendship changes and often strengthens through seemingly insurmountable challenges. Ultimately, it’s a testament to the bonds we share with others and the profound resilience and strength of the human spirit.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published April 7, 2015
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1330 people want to read
About the author
Amy E. Butcher
2 books64 followersAmy E. Butcher is an award-winning essayist and author of Mothertrucker (Little A/Topple Books, 2022), which in July 2019 was acquired by Makeready Films for film development with Primetime Emmy-winning Jill Soloway directing and Academy and Golden Globe-winning actress Julianne Moore in a starring role. In February 2020, the Ohio Arts Council awarded excerpts of Mothertrucker an Individual Excellence Award, calling the book "well researched," "very well-written," and "a positive antidote to the trauma of violence against women." Her first book, Visiting Hours (Blue Rider Press/Penguin-Random House, 2015), earned starred reviews and praise from The New York Times Sunday Review of Books, NPR, The Star Tribune, Kirkus Reviews, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and others. Most recently, her January 2019 essay "Flight Path" was awarded grand prize in The Sonora Review's flash prose contest, and her May 2018 essay, "Women These Days," was thrice nominated for a Pushcart Prize and twice nominated for inclusion in the Best American Essays series by the editors at Brevity. Her work has been featured on National Public Radio and the BBC, anthologized in Best Travel Writing 2016, and awarded grand prize in the 2016 Solas Awards' "Best of Travel Writing" series and the 2014 Iowa Review Award as judged by David Shields. Her essays have also been awarded notable distinctions in the 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018 editions of the Best American Essays series. Additional essays have appeared in
Granta, Harper's, The New York Times "Modern Love," The New York Times Sunday Review, The Washington Post, The Denver Post, The Iowa Review, Lit Hub, Guernica, Gulf Coast, Fourth Genre, The Rumpus, The Paris Review online, Tin House online, and Brevity, among others. Her 2016 op-ed, "Emoji Feminism," published in the New York Times Sunday Review, was cited by Google as the inspiration for eleven new professional female-empowered emojis, accepted by the Unicode Emoji Subcommittee in July 2016 and incorporated in January 2017 in all iOS software packaging internationally. Additional writing appears in The Best of Brevity, Advanced Creative Nonfiction: A Writer's Guide and Anthology, The Best Travel Writing 2016, The Soul Of A Great Traveler, Writing True: The Art and Craft of Creative Nonfiction, The Best of Vela,and Beautiful Flesh: A Body of Essays. She earned her MFA from the University of Iowa's Nonfiction Writing Program and is the 2012-2013 recipient of Colgate University's Olive B. O'Connor Creative Writing Fellowship in nonfiction, as well as grants and awards from the Vermont Studio Center, the Virginia Center for Creative Arts, the Kimmel Harding Nelson Center for the Arts, the Academy of American Poets, the Ohio Arts Council, Word Riot Inc., and the Stanley Foundation for International Research. She is the Director of Creative Writing and an Associate Professor of English at Ohio Wesleyan University and teaches annually at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival and the Sitka Fine Arts Camp in Sitka, Alaska. She lives in Ohio with her three rescue dogs, beautiful beasts.
Granta, Harper's, The New York Times "Modern Love," The New York Times Sunday Review, The Washington Post, The Denver Post, The Iowa Review, Lit Hub, Guernica, Gulf Coast, Fourth Genre, The Rumpus, The Paris Review online, Tin House online, and Brevity, among others. Her 2016 op-ed, "Emoji Feminism," published in the New York Times Sunday Review, was cited by Google as the inspiration for eleven new professional female-empowered emojis, accepted by the Unicode Emoji Subcommittee in July 2016 and incorporated in January 2017 in all iOS software packaging internationally. Additional writing appears in The Best of Brevity, Advanced Creative Nonfiction: A Writer's Guide and Anthology, The Best Travel Writing 2016, The Soul Of A Great Traveler, Writing True: The Art and Craft of Creative Nonfiction, The Best of Vela,and Beautiful Flesh: A Body of Essays. She earned her MFA from the University of Iowa's Nonfiction Writing Program and is the 2012-2013 recipient of Colgate University's Olive B. O'Connor Creative Writing Fellowship in nonfiction, as well as grants and awards from the Vermont Studio Center, the Virginia Center for Creative Arts, the Kimmel Harding Nelson Center for the Arts, the Academy of American Poets, the Ohio Arts Council, Word Riot Inc., and the Stanley Foundation for International Research. She is the Director of Creative Writing and an Associate Professor of English at Ohio Wesleyan University and teaches annually at the Iowa Summer Writing Festival and the Sitka Fine Arts Camp in Sitka, Alaska. She lives in Ohio with her three rescue dogs, beautiful beasts.
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February 12, 2015
Kevin killed Emily. Emily is dead and Kevin is in prison. Kevin walked Amy home before he killed Emily, so naturally, this book is all about how that murder changed Amy's life.
I couldn't figure out if she stayed friendly with Kevin because she liked him or because she thought it would make her more interesting. Either way, this book is nothing more than another cashing in by Amy on Kevin's crime. She's previously written an article for Salon on the topic. Selfish and self absorbed, Amy needs to ditch the whole killer angle and just write about herself like she really wants to.
I received this from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. I feel kind of bad because I hated this book...but the review is honest.
I couldn't figure out if she stayed friendly with Kevin because she liked him or because she thought it would make her more interesting. Either way, this book is nothing more than another cashing in by Amy on Kevin's crime. She's previously written an article for Salon on the topic. Selfish and self absorbed, Amy needs to ditch the whole killer angle and just write about herself like she really wants to.
I received this from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. I feel kind of bad because I hated this book...but the review is honest.
February 23, 2015
I think this book was really unnecessary. If this woman wanted to be a writer she should write something. Writing this book seems to be a way of calling herself a writer without having to actually to the work. It drags on and repeats the same things about herself over and over. I suppose she is expecting we feel badly for her because of what she has gone through and the guilt she experiences, but she's so annoying and self absorbed it's difficult to have sympathy or empathy towards her. She doesn't really seem to have any either.
I received a free e-galley of this book from First To Read
I received a free e-galley of this book from First To Read
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February 19, 2019In response to Jason's review - I am not certain who you are and I am not sure if you are speaking to my review, but I hope it does not come across as hypercritical, spiteful, or attacking because it’s a genuine expression of pain. While I respect your opinion and perspective and understand why your interpretation of this book may be different than my own, that does not negate how upsetting it is to see that Amy has used my dog’s name as my personal pseudonym or to find that she’s repurposed elements of my personal life to further her narrative - implying I worked at domestic violence shelters because of Kevin, when I actually began a new job (a job I interviewed for while Kevin was visiting two or three weeks prior) at a shelter four days after Kevin murdered Emily, a daily source of deep anguish and guilt. I believe that Amy is aware of this, as it was the subject of conversations we had regarding the publication of the book.
I most certainly did not expect Amy’s experience of this event to mirror my own and just like Amy has urgently asserted her need to express her feelings, I won’t be shamed for openly expressing mine. I can assure you that the people I personally know who have taken issue with her novel seem far from concerned about whether this novel confirms their perspective, but instead object more to blatant misrepresentations of events and more significantly, the co-opting of their personal narrative for the purposes of Amy's. It is very hard for me to understand when I hear the claim that we did not process this event together, because this is so discordant with my own experience and I lived across the country at the time. I understand that this processing was much direct and active for many of those living in Gettysburg, who were closest to Kevin.
I must also admit, at the risk of sounding paranoid (and that's how truly and oppressively crazy making a situation like this is that it can swiftly re-trigger hypervigilance associated with the initial event), I find it a little confusing that someone who seems unfamiliar to those of us who knew both Kevin and Amy, who only recently established a Goodreads profile, who has rated books primarily written by colleagues of Amy's, has decided to author a review primarily criticizing the authentic expressions of others involved who rightfully feel hurt by her decision. The loss of certain friendships and the shame and guilt I felt surrounding how my actions contributed to those losses is one of the more painful elements of the aftermath of this event for me on a personal level, so I struggle to relate when Amy does not appear to grieve the losses her choice to publish this book has resulted in.
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Full disclosure: I know (knew?) Kevin and Amy and I, along with others in our social circle, took issue with Amy’s intention to write and publish this book from the beginning. I bought this book hoping to better understand her intentions and to gain information that Amy had access to through the FOIA, though it seems much of that is not shared. Further full disclosure: I haven’t finished reading the book, in part because the dedication page made it difficult to combat the doubts I had coming into it.
Amy dedicates this book to her parents, and to Kevin and Emily’s. While I don’t know if Amy has contacted Emily’s parents to alert them to the impending publication of this novel, two days prior to the anniversary of her murder, I have heard that Kevin’s parents did not know this book was being published, only that it was in progress. Given that, it’s challenging for me to see how this book may be for them. I acknowledge my bias and recognize that, like Amy, my version of the events that transpired before, during, and after this brutal murder are incomplete, likely inaccurately, and ultimately self-centered. I understand that perception is inherently colored by the individual experience and that is why I find it so particularly painful that Amy’s re-telling of these events, as told in excerpts I’ve read, include what I believe are blatant falsehoods. While Amy acknowledges this is a work of creative nonfiction and reports that she relied on the accounts of others she trusted, as far as I know she was negligent in both consulting with and alerting others about the publication of this novel and the short stories that preceded it. It’s hard to describe the experience of scrolling through Salon.com and unexpectedly seeing Kevin’s mugshot, an image that still shakes me to the core. There's a feeling I can describe no better than gutting when I see Amy imply in interviews that others did not grieve as she grieved or did not contact or visit Kevin as frequently as she did. Amy washes over the experiences of those she knows well in an interview in Vela where she implies that others moved on with their lives while she suffered. This is agonizing for those who were particularly close to Kevin, who were fully aware of his mental illness and how it manifested.
I prefer not to elaborate on these inaccuracies that seem to rise far beyond simple perspective because I want to be clear that my intention is not to smear Amy, though I can see how it may come across that way. Rather, I hope to offer a dissenting voice that I think echoes many who knew Kevin, who were devastated by this event for countless and complicated reasons, and who find the accolades and acclaim she is receiving for this novel heartbreaking. I can only imagine the impact this novel may have on Emily’s family and friends and frankly, the thought makes me a little sick. I’ve been grappling with this feeling that Amy wrote this book for gain and I don’t even like what that thought says about me and about people. But it’s very difficult to read her writing, to view her author’s page on Facebook, and not come away with that feeling. I hope that further reading serves to prove me wrong though truthfully, more than that, I hope others who read this book do so with a discerning eye.
I most certainly did not expect Amy’s experience of this event to mirror my own and just like Amy has urgently asserted her need to express her feelings, I won’t be shamed for openly expressing mine. I can assure you that the people I personally know who have taken issue with her novel seem far from concerned about whether this novel confirms their perspective, but instead object more to blatant misrepresentations of events and more significantly, the co-opting of their personal narrative for the purposes of Amy's. It is very hard for me to understand when I hear the claim that we did not process this event together, because this is so discordant with my own experience and I lived across the country at the time. I understand that this processing was much direct and active for many of those living in Gettysburg, who were closest to Kevin.
I must also admit, at the risk of sounding paranoid (and that's how truly and oppressively crazy making a situation like this is that it can swiftly re-trigger hypervigilance associated with the initial event), I find it a little confusing that someone who seems unfamiliar to those of us who knew both Kevin and Amy, who only recently established a Goodreads profile, who has rated books primarily written by colleagues of Amy's, has decided to author a review primarily criticizing the authentic expressions of others involved who rightfully feel hurt by her decision. The loss of certain friendships and the shame and guilt I felt surrounding how my actions contributed to those losses is one of the more painful elements of the aftermath of this event for me on a personal level, so I struggle to relate when Amy does not appear to grieve the losses her choice to publish this book has resulted in.
--------------------------
Full disclosure: I know (knew?) Kevin and Amy and I, along with others in our social circle, took issue with Amy’s intention to write and publish this book from the beginning. I bought this book hoping to better understand her intentions and to gain information that Amy had access to through the FOIA, though it seems much of that is not shared. Further full disclosure: I haven’t finished reading the book, in part because the dedication page made it difficult to combat the doubts I had coming into it.
Amy dedicates this book to her parents, and to Kevin and Emily’s. While I don’t know if Amy has contacted Emily’s parents to alert them to the impending publication of this novel, two days prior to the anniversary of her murder, I have heard that Kevin’s parents did not know this book was being published, only that it was in progress. Given that, it’s challenging for me to see how this book may be for them. I acknowledge my bias and recognize that, like Amy, my version of the events that transpired before, during, and after this brutal murder are incomplete, likely inaccurately, and ultimately self-centered. I understand that perception is inherently colored by the individual experience and that is why I find it so particularly painful that Amy’s re-telling of these events, as told in excerpts I’ve read, include what I believe are blatant falsehoods. While Amy acknowledges this is a work of creative nonfiction and reports that she relied on the accounts of others she trusted, as far as I know she was negligent in both consulting with and alerting others about the publication of this novel and the short stories that preceded it. It’s hard to describe the experience of scrolling through Salon.com and unexpectedly seeing Kevin’s mugshot, an image that still shakes me to the core. There's a feeling I can describe no better than gutting when I see Amy imply in interviews that others did not grieve as she grieved or did not contact or visit Kevin as frequently as she did. Amy washes over the experiences of those she knows well in an interview in Vela where she implies that others moved on with their lives while she suffered. This is agonizing for those who were particularly close to Kevin, who were fully aware of his mental illness and how it manifested.
I prefer not to elaborate on these inaccuracies that seem to rise far beyond simple perspective because I want to be clear that my intention is not to smear Amy, though I can see how it may come across that way. Rather, I hope to offer a dissenting voice that I think echoes many who knew Kevin, who were devastated by this event for countless and complicated reasons, and who find the accolades and acclaim she is receiving for this novel heartbreaking. I can only imagine the impact this novel may have on Emily’s family and friends and frankly, the thought makes me a little sick. I’ve been grappling with this feeling that Amy wrote this book for gain and I don’t even like what that thought says about me and about people. But it’s very difficult to read her writing, to view her author’s page on Facebook, and not come away with that feeling. I hope that further reading serves to prove me wrong though truthfully, more than that, I hope others who read this book do so with a discerning eye.
April 12, 2016
The facts are simple: one night towards the end of their senior year at Gettysburg College (2009), Kevin Schaeffer walked Butcher home from a drunken outing, then stabbed his ex-girlfriend to death. This book has elements of a true crime narrative, detailing the crime and speculating on possible causes for Kevin’s psychotic episode – he was coming down from a high dose of antidepressants, and may have been making a second suicide attempt when Emily stopped him – but it’s more about how the crime affected Butcher. Knowing that a good friend was a murderer forced her to revisit her memories of their time together, and left her with a form of PTSD that visiting him in prison several years later did little to ameliorate.
This is a concise and gripping narrative reminiscent of Half a Life by Darin Strauss. I’m surprised by the low ratings here; people seem to be reacting against Butcher’s presumption to write about a case she wasn’t directly involved in. I would argue, though, that it’s precisely that slight removal from the case that allows her to comment: she pores over all the details available on the public record, but also insists that the facts don’t tell the full story; neither do her admittedly fuzzy memories. Ultimately, Kevin’s motivation remains a mystery. I appreciated Butcher’s sensitive examination of mental health issues. It also helped that I had visited Gettysburg the week before reading this, so the sites were fresh in my mind.
Related reading: Give Me Everything You Have is James Lasdun’s account of being a victim of online stalking. It has a similar true crime vibe in places but is, again, more of a personal reflection. I also think to mention it because it’s a book I loved that has (inexplicably, if you ask me) earned much vitriol on Goodreads.
This is a concise and gripping narrative reminiscent of Half a Life by Darin Strauss. I’m surprised by the low ratings here; people seem to be reacting against Butcher’s presumption to write about a case she wasn’t directly involved in. I would argue, though, that it’s precisely that slight removal from the case that allows her to comment: she pores over all the details available on the public record, but also insists that the facts don’t tell the full story; neither do her admittedly fuzzy memories. Ultimately, Kevin’s motivation remains a mystery. I appreciated Butcher’s sensitive examination of mental health issues. It also helped that I had visited Gettysburg the week before reading this, so the sites were fresh in my mind.
Related reading: Give Me Everything You Have is James Lasdun’s account of being a victim of online stalking. It has a similar true crime vibe in places but is, again, more of a personal reflection. I also think to mention it because it’s a book I loved that has (inexplicably, if you ask me) earned much vitriol on Goodreads.
March 5, 2015
1.5 Stars
I have been debating all morning how to honestly, yet kindly, rate and review this book but the truth is that I just did not like it. One night, the author was walked home by her friend Kevin and had surprisingly discovered the next day that he had then violently murdered his ex-girlfriend. I understand how this would affect someone, which is why I picked it up in the first place but the way the author turned this tragic event into her own memoir is disturbing and strange. I added half a star because at times she does seem to honestly admit that her connection to the whole situation is tenuous but that doesn't stop her obsessive behavior towards those actually involved. I received this book from Penguin's First to Read program in exchange for an honest review.
I have been debating all morning how to honestly, yet kindly, rate and review this book but the truth is that I just did not like it. One night, the author was walked home by her friend Kevin and had surprisingly discovered the next day that he had then violently murdered his ex-girlfriend. I understand how this would affect someone, which is why I picked it up in the first place but the way the author turned this tragic event into her own memoir is disturbing and strange. I added half a star because at times she does seem to honestly admit that her connection to the whole situation is tenuous but that doesn't stop her obsessive behavior towards those actually involved. I received this book from Penguin's First to Read program in exchange for an honest review.
April 12, 2015
I knew and lived with Kevin -- this is a work of FICTION, not creative nonfiction. Much of it is simply not true. To begin with, her repeated claim that she was the only one who maintained communication with Kevin. Even more confusingly: we all know that she KNOWS that numerous people kept in contact with Kevin, all more so than herself.... Also, she wasn't even a close friend of his, let alone a "best" friend.
Why trample on peoples' real feelings by claiming this is a memoir?
Why trample on peoples' real feelings by claiming this is a memoir?
May 6, 2016
I lived with Emily and was friendly with Kevin-- it hurts a lot to be reminded of this event in a way that's not a supportive conversation with a friend. A couple years ago I was caught off guard when I came across a short story by Amy about Emily's murder at Barnes and Noble. Gutted is a great way to describe that feeling. Amy and I have a somewhat shared experience, but I could not relate to her storytelling despite having been there myself. Frankly I think it's crass to write about a trauma without the support of the community and families who shared it. It's not compassionate-- it's the opposite in my opinion. Amy was not the only friend to stay in contact with Kevin, how dare she bend the truth like that when so many difficult visits were made by heartbroken people? She may be, however, the only friend to have alienated herself from Emily and Kevin's friends and families by exploiting our experiences against all our wishes.
June 1, 2015
My low rating isn’t for the things that bothered other reviewers. I don’t mind that the author capitalized on the murder. She’s a writer; that’s what writers do. I don’t even mind that people involved say parts aren’t true; everyone has his/her own memories and viewpoints on situations. My issues are with the writing itself.
First, certain things just don’t make sense. Butcher did extensive/obssesive research before visiting the prison and knows no jewelry is allowed, yet she forgets she can’t wear a ring. And it’s not even a ring she always wears and is now part of her. She says she wears it “sometimes” and thought it could “come in handy.” She could still have told us what the ring means to her without introducing it in a contradictory way.
The next issue is that we learn a few details are simply wrong. For instance, she emphasizes that she was the last person Kevin saw before the murder, but then at the end of the book, as an aside, she tells us that, actually, he watched tv with a guy friend before going home. She’s writing the book looking back at events, so I felt lied to. She knew she wasn’t the last person and there’s no reason to say that she was.
The writing style also irritated me. Descriptions go on and on beyond the point of being useful. I actually got bored in sections. For example, here’s her description of the shirts she packed to visit Kevin in prison: “These are not shirts for prison. These are shirts for a magazine ad: a girl walking down a sidewalk, a girl eating an ice-cream cone with sprinkles. She’s holding a yellow umbrella, maybe, a white pug on a pink leash beside her, and for a second I allow the thought: I wish I could be her instead. I’d name the dog Kit-Kat or Pancake, I think, and never think about prison again.” She thought all that about a shirt? Really? Not likely. Simply saying the shirts are ones you’d find in a magazine ad is enough. The rest had me rolling my eyes.
She also repeats the same information ad nauseam for the first ¾ of the book: she and Kevin both grew up sheltered in small towns; the college is on the grounds of the Battle of Gettysburg; she and Kevin were part of the hip, intellectual crowd, not the shallow, preppy Greek students. It’s not until the end of the book that she gets into any depth about what happened to Kevin and her PTSD and what it all means. By then, it was too late for me.
In the acknowledgements we learn portions of the story were previously published in journals. If you cut out the wordiness, repetitions, and give the relevant information up front, a long article seems about right. Book-length stretched her story too thin.
First, certain things just don’t make sense. Butcher did extensive/obssesive research before visiting the prison and knows no jewelry is allowed, yet she forgets she can’t wear a ring. And it’s not even a ring she always wears and is now part of her. She says she wears it “sometimes” and thought it could “come in handy.” She could still have told us what the ring means to her without introducing it in a contradictory way.
The next issue is that we learn a few details are simply wrong. For instance, she emphasizes that she was the last person Kevin saw before the murder, but then at the end of the book, as an aside, she tells us that, actually, he watched tv with a guy friend before going home. She’s writing the book looking back at events, so I felt lied to. She knew she wasn’t the last person and there’s no reason to say that she was.
The writing style also irritated me. Descriptions go on and on beyond the point of being useful. I actually got bored in sections. For example, here’s her description of the shirts she packed to visit Kevin in prison: “These are not shirts for prison. These are shirts for a magazine ad: a girl walking down a sidewalk, a girl eating an ice-cream cone with sprinkles. She’s holding a yellow umbrella, maybe, a white pug on a pink leash beside her, and for a second I allow the thought: I wish I could be her instead. I’d name the dog Kit-Kat or Pancake, I think, and never think about prison again.” She thought all that about a shirt? Really? Not likely. Simply saying the shirts are ones you’d find in a magazine ad is enough. The rest had me rolling my eyes.
She also repeats the same information ad nauseam for the first ¾ of the book: she and Kevin both grew up sheltered in small towns; the college is on the grounds of the Battle of Gettysburg; she and Kevin were part of the hip, intellectual crowd, not the shallow, preppy Greek students. It’s not until the end of the book that she gets into any depth about what happened to Kevin and her PTSD and what it all means. By then, it was too late for me.
In the acknowledgements we learn portions of the story were previously published in journals. If you cut out the wordiness, repetitions, and give the relevant information up front, a long article seems about right. Book-length stretched her story too thin.
July 19, 2019
i wish there'd been more focus on the crime but i liked the way the author slowly revealed more grey memories of kevin as the book went on
July 5, 2015
Painful. I read this because the writer was recently hired at my alma mater as an English professor. I weep for the future. The writer is self-centered and lacks insight. Her prose is leaden when it's not blazing purple. It's a vaguely compelling anecdote puffed into book length by Iowa Writers' Workshop pretentiousness. AVOID.
May 8, 2015
I borrowed an ebook copy and picked up where I'd left off in the audio. Still just didn't like it. Perhaps it was the self-absorption and the constant reaching for profundity. Butcher dwells a lot on her own obsession with the case, but it was too much - couldn't her obsession have been the result of spending years writing a book about her personal impressions of the murder and how it affected her?
March 30, 2015
I didn't like this book, put it down half way through. I don't understand why this Author has written a fictional? book about a real life event that has happened to her. I would have rather liked it to be a memoir and stated as such. I'm not a huge fan of memoirs, which this reads like, and probably wouldn't have wasted our time. However, I can see the appeal to someone who devours memoirs, but I still think the author made a mistake defining it as fiction.
February 3, 2017
I have a hard time with this book. It would have been interesting if I didn't find out that much of Butcher's account is fiction (as claimed by other friends of Kevin's). I feel like this is one of those girls who is touched by something horrific and scandalous and wants to insert herself more into the story to give herself more importance. I noticed how she was already trying to defend herself against these sort of accusations by stating "some may say Kevin and I weren't really friends, certainly not best friends". She goes on to describe in detail the first time she and Kevin met. Then much later in the book talks about how the "trauma" she has experienced has caused her to make up "false memories" and now she doesn't know what was real and what she made up, including that first encounter with Kevin. Whaaaaat? She repeats several times that she was the last person who saw Kevin before he murdered Emily, but later acknowledges that he had actually spent a half hour with a friend named Wilson, watching TV before he went home that night.
Though I don't doubt that she experienced some horror and, because of her own issues, some PTSD from something like this happening to a student at her school by an acquaintance of hers, I think the fact that she wrote a book about it is insulting.
So at this point when, all of a sudden, she reveals she herself had been contemplating suicide as a young child, I didn't buy it. And then trying to say somehow that her suicidal imaginings and Kevin's complete and utter breakdown were pretty much the same was the icing on the very fake cake.
Though I don't doubt that she experienced some horror and, because of her own issues, some PTSD from something like this happening to a student at her school by an acquaintance of hers, I think the fact that she wrote a book about it is insulting.
So at this point when, all of a sudden, she reveals she herself had been contemplating suicide as a young child, I didn't buy it. And then trying to say somehow that her suicidal imaginings and Kevin's complete and utter breakdown were pretty much the same was the icing on the very fake cake.
November 25, 2015
In a beautifully written tale, the author’s literary talent is obvious, the author describes how her college friend Kevin walked her home after an evening out with friends and then went home where he murdered his girlfriend. The author then claims to have remained his friend for years after his plea deal. However, while she claims to have remained his friend, it becomes very obvious that she does so for her own benefit. She simply writes to him monthly if that and only visits him once in all those years of incarceration. She blames all her woes on that event that really had little to do with her. Making this even more obvious is the fact that she was not the last person to see him before the murder, nor does she really look into the whys for understanding – he withdrew from antidepressant medications cold turkey as one contributing factor – but to assuage her feelings of guilt and shame for being such a poor friend even before the incident. Apparently Kevin attempted suicide, an event the author never discussed with him despite her claims that she once contemplated it. Butcher comes across as a self-indulgent whiner who has trouble seeing other’s pain and suffering because she is so consumed with only her own, much of it self-inflicted. After reading this book it is no wonder why Kevin broke off all ties with the author. I am so glad I read this through a public library because I would never buy this book!
December 1, 2015
Ugh. This book just seemed like an excuse for Amy Butcher to write about herself. I agree with another reviewer who said that it seems like she continued to be friends with Kevin so she would be more interesting. (Actually, maybe so she could write a book about it?) The book sounded more interesting than it actually turned out to be. Butcher (did anyone else find that name ironic?) really want us to know that she comes from a well-off family and she should have been sheltered from something so horrific hitting so close to home. She mentions that she and her friends are Democrats, progressive, etc., as if to say "this would have made sense if it was a Republican doing the killing! Or if a Republican's friend did the killing!" What was THAT about?? She seems to take it as a personal affront that this friend of hers could do this to her (kill someone else and as a result, make Amy's life so difficult). I mean, how dare he, right? When she mentions that she feels bad that Emily was killed, it sounds obligatory and a little forced. I think she feels that she herself is the real victim in this scenario, not Emily. Needless to say, NOT recommended!
July 13, 2015
I understand that some of the reviews here come from a visceral, emotional place, but I think Butcher did a remarkable job with this work. It's a swirling, difficult narrative, full of questions, often circling back on itself--but it has to be. This is a book about that circling back, the questions, about the formation of narrative itself, and I found it handled with grace, humility, and genuine striving. If some of the details in the book are painful for those more closely involved with the crime, I can understand that. But this book is in no way false or self-indulgent; it's a poignant effort towards unraveling the messiest of knots, and ultimately, an acknowledgement that sometimes that's not fully possible.
April 16, 2015
I received this book through GoodReads First Reads
A memoir like no other I have ever read. The author's self-doubt and her confusion about the whole murder, and the murderer (who was a good friend) shines throughout the book. We all hope that we are never put into this same situation. It is something unimaginable that one reads about, or it happens to someone we don't know. An interesting read.
A memoir like no other I have ever read. The author's self-doubt and her confusion about the whole murder, and the murderer (who was a good friend) shines throughout the book. We all hope that we are never put into this same situation. It is something unimaginable that one reads about, or it happens to someone we don't know. An interesting read.
March 5, 2015
This book broke my heart. The writing is beautiful but more important is the pervading sense that the only ones who suffer from violence are those directly involved. As a survivor of frequent second-hand violence, I was so glad to have found this book. Brave.
February 25, 2015
I COULD NOT PUT THIS BOOK DOWN!!!
A look into a young woman's mind as she visits a friend in prison. It is spellbinding!
A look into a young woman's mind as she visits a friend in prison. It is spellbinding!
February 28, 2015
One thing is indisputable: Amy Butcher is a beautiful writer with an engaging voice. Reading her work feels like you're talking to a close friend. I have a newborn baby, and only wanted to read a few pages while she napped so that I could sleep but I was so pulled in that I read nearly 50 and missed my nap entirely.
And this book has a promising premise: Amy spent an evening with a friend, and after he went home, he murdered his girlfriend. Obviously that will traumatize a person. What's interesting about this book, though, is that nothing really happens. It's all reflection, a step deep into Amy's psyche. Really, it's an extended personal essay. I can see how this style wouldn't work for everybody, and by the last 50 pages I was thinking it could have been a bit shorter, but for me, at least, Amy's psyche is a fascinating place to be so I enjoyed reading it more than it seemed other reviewers did.
My biggest qualm was that Amy's reflections on her own experiences with mental illness felt forced and inauthentic, like she was trying to make her experiences seem worse than they were to be able to claim a connection with Kevin (the murderer).
However, that was only a brief part of the book, and I'm glad I finished it - I enjoyed the rest, and the last paragraph was truly stunning.
And this book has a promising premise: Amy spent an evening with a friend, and after he went home, he murdered his girlfriend. Obviously that will traumatize a person. What's interesting about this book, though, is that nothing really happens. It's all reflection, a step deep into Amy's psyche. Really, it's an extended personal essay. I can see how this style wouldn't work for everybody, and by the last 50 pages I was thinking it could have been a bit shorter, but for me, at least, Amy's psyche is a fascinating place to be so I enjoyed reading it more than it seemed other reviewers did.
My biggest qualm was that Amy's reflections on her own experiences with mental illness felt forced and inauthentic, like she was trying to make her experiences seem worse than they were to be able to claim a connection with Kevin (the murderer).
However, that was only a brief part of the book, and I'm glad I finished it - I enjoyed the rest, and the last paragraph was truly stunning.
March 17, 2015
“And--- regardless of any narrative---Emily is always dead, and Kevin is always the one that killed her.”
This non-fiction work is about a woman who was the last person to be with a friend who then went home and committed murder. Amy Butcher suffered from PTSD from that event. She suffered from survivor guilt that she lived while a woman named Emily died. This is her story.
I wanted to like this book and it is a valuable work in the first person on what happens to people even on the periphery of a tragedy. Just by knowing Kevin, Amy's life was changed. However, there are better books on PTSD and coping with tragedy than this one. I would give it an average rating only because it's too focused on Amy and is more memoir than documentation of the murder and the suffering resulting from that murder.
Part of this book was leading up to a meeting with Kevin in a high security prison and it seemed she was taking advantage of her friendship with him to voyeur into his life. When she was finally honest with him and told him of her obsession with him, Kevin must have felt betrayed because he cut her from his life, even though she was the only person outside his family that visited him.
I hope Amy Butcher gets better and writes again on other subjects so we can get a better idea of what she is capable of.
This non-fiction work is about a woman who was the last person to be with a friend who then went home and committed murder. Amy Butcher suffered from PTSD from that event. She suffered from survivor guilt that she lived while a woman named Emily died. This is her story.
I wanted to like this book and it is a valuable work in the first person on what happens to people even on the periphery of a tragedy. Just by knowing Kevin, Amy's life was changed. However, there are better books on PTSD and coping with tragedy than this one. I would give it an average rating only because it's too focused on Amy and is more memoir than documentation of the murder and the suffering resulting from that murder.
Part of this book was leading up to a meeting with Kevin in a high security prison and it seemed she was taking advantage of her friendship with him to voyeur into his life. When she was finally honest with him and told him of her obsession with him, Kevin must have felt betrayed because he cut her from his life, even though she was the only person outside his family that visited him.
I hope Amy Butcher gets better and writes again on other subjects so we can get a better idea of what she is capable of.
November 23, 2018
I’ll start with the good thing: the writing isn’t bad.
Literally everything else about this book is terrible. I feel like this author exploited the death of a child and the ruin of two families because she had couldn’t come up with anything else to write about.
I picked this book up because I am a criminal defense attorney. I am always interested in books that help to shed light on the humanity of those who have committed crimes. Instead what I got was 200 pages of self-righteous drivel in which the author seeks to focus NOT on the people and families who were destroyed, but on the way it made HER feel.
Self-indulgence at its worst. My biggest regret is that I kept reading it. I thought she might have a point somewhere in there. She did not.
Literally everything else about this book is terrible. I feel like this author exploited the death of a child and the ruin of two families because she had couldn’t come up with anything else to write about.
I picked this book up because I am a criminal defense attorney. I am always interested in books that help to shed light on the humanity of those who have committed crimes. Instead what I got was 200 pages of self-righteous drivel in which the author seeks to focus NOT on the people and families who were destroyed, but on the way it made HER feel.
Self-indulgence at its worst. My biggest regret is that I kept reading it. I thought she might have a point somewhere in there. She did not.
April 12, 2015
I'm confused. Having known the people involved in this horrific tragedy, Amy Butcher's story bears little relation to reality. So, so much of her "memoir" is heartlessly fabricated. Does Amy Butcher know that she is lying, or does she believe her own lies?? Contemplating such a question is more chilling than the subject matter involved....
June 15, 2015
In a true crime related account "Visiting Hours: A Memoir of Friendship and Murder", author Amy E. Butcher examines and relates her experience and friendship with convicted murderer Kevin Schaeffer. On April 9, 2009, Schaeffer 21, choked and repeatedly stabbed to death his girlfriend Emily Silverstein, 19. Both were students at Gettysburg College, Kevin, a history major, an honor student a month away from graduation. Schaeffer admitted his guilt and received a life sentence for this horrific crime.
Butcher provides an intense and candid viewpoint of how a crime of this magnitude affected her personally, (from the book):
"Although I wish I could say otherwise, there was a sequential separation distancing Kevin's violent actions from my instinctual urge to comfort him. My response was compassion and it was prompt."
Eventually Butcher would develop symptoms of PTSD, enter therapy, as she continued her support of Schaeffer through writing letters to him and visiting him in prison. Butcher ordered costly transcripts and graphic reports of the crime for additional information and insight, that were understandably very difficult to read/study. When Butcher felt strong enough probe further beyond a superficial level and question Schaeffer, he stopped answering her letters.
While this book was very interesting: the historic details of Gettysburg, the haunted Civil War battle grounds that claimed the lives of 46,000 soldiers, Gettysburg College, the main focus of the book was about Butcher. It was necessary to check online news reports for further details to gain a full understanding of this crime, as many important crime related facts aren't in the book. Apparently, Silverstein may have been trying to end her relationship with Schaeffer, who had been prescribed anti-depressant medication for mental health issues. He had also allegedly threatened suicide in his past when a previous girlfriend had broke-up with him. Butcher pointed out that Schaeffer wasn't happy with the prospect of moving back with his parents in Oley, PA, student loan repayments, and poor employment/economic prospects following his graduation. In any case, Schaeffer wasn't the man he appeared to be to his college friends, and those who knew and loved him most.
(*I borrowed an e-book copy from the Seattle Public Library)
Butcher provides an intense and candid viewpoint of how a crime of this magnitude affected her personally, (from the book):
"Although I wish I could say otherwise, there was a sequential separation distancing Kevin's violent actions from my instinctual urge to comfort him. My response was compassion and it was prompt."
Eventually Butcher would develop symptoms of PTSD, enter therapy, as she continued her support of Schaeffer through writing letters to him and visiting him in prison. Butcher ordered costly transcripts and graphic reports of the crime for additional information and insight, that were understandably very difficult to read/study. When Butcher felt strong enough probe further beyond a superficial level and question Schaeffer, he stopped answering her letters.
While this book was very interesting: the historic details of Gettysburg, the haunted Civil War battle grounds that claimed the lives of 46,000 soldiers, Gettysburg College, the main focus of the book was about Butcher. It was necessary to check online news reports for further details to gain a full understanding of this crime, as many important crime related facts aren't in the book. Apparently, Silverstein may have been trying to end her relationship with Schaeffer, who had been prescribed anti-depressant medication for mental health issues. He had also allegedly threatened suicide in his past when a previous girlfriend had broke-up with him. Butcher pointed out that Schaeffer wasn't happy with the prospect of moving back with his parents in Oley, PA, student loan repayments, and poor employment/economic prospects following his graduation. In any case, Schaeffer wasn't the man he appeared to be to his college friends, and those who knew and loved him most.
(*I borrowed an e-book copy from the Seattle Public Library)
June 4, 2015
It seemed apparent that the author was not exactly best friends with the person who ended up killing his girlfriend. There are just a few interactions prior to the murder that she described in the book: their first encounter before the First Year Walk; some times at the Lincoln Diner; two parties he attends with his girlfriend (she admits she didn't know the girlfriend at all); a time ghost hunting (she's pretty sure it was with him though she can't be sure); a time going through other students' possessions in a dorm designated for Civil War reeneactors; and the night at a bar before he commits the murder. It was hard for me to like the author, as she seems to think she's better than everyone else. She's better than the girls she initially hung out with at college because those girls seemingly only wanted to get drunk at frat parties. Mind you, the author routinely discusses getting drunk and doing drugs at places other than frat houses so it seems the location preference of the party and the clothing choice were the only things different between her and those girls she loathed. She's better than the sorority girls who walk home drunk in their stilettos. (Perhaps she walked home drunk the night of the murder in sneakers?) She's better than the Civil War reenactors with whom she is forced to live for a semester. She's better than her former college friends who she claims don't understand her obsession/grief after the murder and who she claims no longer associate with their murdering "friend" after the murder takes place. With her superiority complex and her inclination to turn someone else's tragedy into her own, it seems to me the author is the true definition of a narcissist, despite her denial of this in the book. (I'm not at all surprised others have told her this.) I hope she continues her counseling sessions.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 7, 2015
http://wordnerdy.blogspot.com/2015/04...
Several years ago, when Butcher was a senior at Gettysburg College, one of her good friends walked her home from a bar, and then apparently suffered a psychotic break and brutally murdered his girlfriend. She's been publishing excerpts from this online for years now, and it's now here in its final form--her meditation on this event and the effect it had on her, as well as her subsequent investigation into what happened that night. In some ways, this is a profoundly selfish work, but on the other hand--who wouldn't dwell on something like this? How could it not shatter your worldview and make you afraid? (It also feels a little selfish because she doesn't really talk about Emily, the victim, until more than halfway through.) Butcher's writing is evocative, for sure, to the point where I can't imagine her having another story to tell, because she's been so consumed with this one. But of course, I hope she does. B+.
Several years ago, when Butcher was a senior at Gettysburg College, one of her good friends walked her home from a bar, and then apparently suffered a psychotic break and brutally murdered his girlfriend. She's been publishing excerpts from this online for years now, and it's now here in its final form--her meditation on this event and the effect it had on her, as well as her subsequent investigation into what happened that night. In some ways, this is a profoundly selfish work, but on the other hand--who wouldn't dwell on something like this? How could it not shatter your worldview and make you afraid? (It also feels a little selfish because she doesn't really talk about Emily, the victim, until more than halfway through.) Butcher's writing is evocative, for sure, to the point where I can't imagine her having another story to tell, because she's been so consumed with this one. But of course, I hope she does. B+.
January 1, 2016
There was so much promise here, so much more along the My Friend Dammer continuum than actually appeared. Amy's friend Kevin commits a horrific murder, apparently having suffered a psychotic break. Okay. Amy, being a good friend, doesn't want to lose touch with him, despite being traumatized by this (who wouldn't be, given that the murder came mere hours after Kevin dropped Amy off at her house). Also okay. But instead of exploring some of that more, or talking with others who might have been equally friendly and also affected, at times this meanders into the me-me-me and that's when it lost me. This is less a "memoir of friendship and murder" than someone working out their trauma and issues in a public forum.
ARC provided by publisher.
ARC provided by publisher.
May 24, 2016
Rounding up from 1.5 stars. Ms. Butcher spent much of the book obsessing about how Kevin killed another student at their college shortly after he had walked Ms. Butcher home. The author expresses very little sympathy for the victim, her family or her friends. Ms. Butcher seems to suggest that if she had told Kevin about the suicidal thoughts she had as a teenager or had talked to him about his mental illness, she would have been the one to prevent this tragedy. While I do empathize with Ms. Butcher's distress over the murder, I can't help but think that working her feelings out in therapy sessions would have been better for all concerned.
March 21, 2015
I agree with many of the reviews of this book that the author does seem self-absorbed at times. But this is HER memoir. I was also disappointed by the lack of details which does bring on the question of how close was she really to Kevin Shaeffer? I thought when she finally sat down with her "friend" in the prison that she would finally discuss with him her feelings or his feelings about the murder. But that was not the case. And what exactly did Butcher write in her last letter to Kevin Shaeffer that made him want to cut off contact with her? Overall I think the book was well written.
March 15, 2019
A great premise-how do you deal with a good friend who committed a heinous crime, like murder? In my opinion-the author blew it. The book is full of flowery analogies, prose, and memoirs, most of which barely contribute to the story. She also never addressed fundamental questions: was there ever a romantic interest among either of them?, We're they best friends, or mainly good friends? What was her initial reaction when she found out about the murder? This was just a long tedious read.
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