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How to Be a Husband
While this book is indeed titled How to Be a Husband, please do not mistake it for a self-help book. Tim Dowling—columnist for The Guardian, husband, father of three, a person who once got into a shark tank for money—does not purport to have any pearls of wisdom about wedded life. What he does have is more than twenty years of marriage experience, and plenty of hilarious advice for what not to do in almost every conjugal situation.
With the sharp wit that has made his Guardian columns a weekly must-read, Dowling explores what it means to be a good husband in the twenty-first century.
With the sharp wit that has made his Guardian columns a weekly must-read, Dowling explores what it means to be a good husband in the twenty-first century.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2014
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666 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 116 reviews
July 7, 2018
Enmeshed as I am in the stresses of moving, I can only do lightweight reading at the moment, and this book was perfect. A very funny jaunt through the pains, joys and dilemmas of being a good-enough husband to what sounds like a fairly scary-sounding wife. It earned the author the accolade of having written the Sunday Times humour book of the year....and I think that was well deserved.
I'm just going to include a few extracts, so that you have have a taster of the pleasures that lie within
All in all a jolly read....
I'm just going to include a few extracts, so that you have have a taster of the pleasures that lie within
All in all a jolly read....
October 9, 2015
This is one of the funniest books I have ever read! Tim Dowling is a master of self-deprecating humor, and every page is a big belly laugh. Tim Dowling proclaims that this is not a self-help book. And it surely is not. It is a catalog of all the things that a husband should not do. The book should really be titled, How Not to be a Husband
His official marriage at a register office was followed by a Catholic wedding the following morning. He wrote,
This is a very comprehensive account of all facets of being a husband. The book is not for the faint of heart. It is intended for those with a heart in sore need of a good laugh.
His official marriage at a register office was followed by a Catholic wedding the following morning. He wrote,
I am badly hungover, nervous and shaking. I am in no fit state to get married and, had I not already been married, I might have got cold feet. But I didn't. Reader, I married her, again. I married the shit out of her.Despite the denial that this is a self-help book, there is a chapter containing the "Forty Guiding Principles of Gross Marital Happiness". I especially like Principle number 32:
Never underestimate the tremendous healing power of sitting down together from time to time to speak frankly and openly about the marital difficulties facing other couples you know.For the early portion of his marriage, Tim Dowling stayed at home doing--mostly nothing. Then, when children came, he became a stay-at-home Dad. During a "do-it-yourself" episode, Dowling is making a home repair, and asks his eldest son to come and watch. The repair is boring, tedious, and ineffectual. His son asked, "Why am I here?" and Dowling answered that insurance companies like to have witnesses.
This is a very comprehensive account of all facets of being a husband. The book is not for the faint of heart. It is intended for those with a heart in sore need of a good laugh.
October 17, 2014
This is supposed to be a "riotously funny" book of essays from a writer compared to Dave Barry. Um. No. I am not sure if he is trying to be self-deprecating or if he really is the jackass he makes himself out to be. His wife doesn't seem to fare much better.
Tim is a young New Yorker when he meets his future wife, who is from England, while she is visiting friends in the States. The first half of the book is the tale of his "courtship" which didn't seem very romantic or anything like love. It actually depressed me quite a bit. After going back and forth a bunch to both countries, they decide to get married.
The rest of the book is a bunch of boring essays about being a husband, sex, metrosexuals, being a father, etc. Geez, no wonder his wife plays Candy Crush in the bedroom. This book made me a little sad that after twenty-something years of marriage it really becomes this dull. He and his wife don't even tell each other "love you". He tries to "annoy" his wife with a game of "hugging her four times a day" while she just seems uncomfortable with his affection. The best part of this book? The fact that I could roll over and hug my own husband, tell him I loved him, and thank my lucky stars that I am married to him instead of this writer!
*This was a freebie from NetGalley which did not influence my review. Obviously.
Tim is a young New Yorker when he meets his future wife, who is from England, while she is visiting friends in the States. The first half of the book is the tale of his "courtship" which didn't seem very romantic or anything like love. It actually depressed me quite a bit. After going back and forth a bunch to both countries, they decide to get married.
The rest of the book is a bunch of boring essays about being a husband, sex, metrosexuals, being a father, etc. Geez, no wonder his wife plays Candy Crush in the bedroom. This book made me a little sad that after twenty-something years of marriage it really becomes this dull. He and his wife don't even tell each other "love you". He tries to "annoy" his wife with a game of "hugging her four times a day" while she just seems uncomfortable with his affection. The best part of this book? The fact that I could roll over and hug my own husband, tell him I loved him, and thank my lucky stars that I am married to him instead of this writer!
*This was a freebie from NetGalley which did not influence my review. Obviously.
August 3, 2016
I read an article in The Guardian: “Tim Dowling: how to be a model husband” which I thought was pretty funny. So I got Tim's book and found it to be really funny too. I laughed out loud many times, most often because I could relate to something he said like this:
“Throughout parenthood – usually when you're on your knees with exhaustion – older people have a habit of coming up to you and saying, 'Enjoy it – it goes by so fast.' And they're right – it does goes [sic] by fast. Just not at the time.
In the thick of it, parenthood seems never-ending, its compromises deep and permanent. In a few short years I have gone from being appalled by the low hygiene standards of small children to being appalled by my own low hygiene standards.
I had always imagined that my children would at some point graduate from being charges to being minions – that I would be able to assign them tiresome chores or dispatch them on small errands in exchange for their upkeep. It would be like having an army of tiny personal assistants.
This never really came to pass. It's true that for the promise of 50p a six-year-old will look for your glasses all day, but he will not find them. An eleven-year-old will not look, not even for a fiver.
I spend most of my time in search of their stuff, or fulfilling their demands, or coping with the fury of someone whose maths homework won't disgorge from the printer because of a connection issue that is somehow my fault. In [sic] turns out that parenting is a lot more like being a personal assistant than having one. In fact, it's a lot like being Naomi Campbell's personal assistant, but without the travel.
Up close, this time of dirt, tears, insolence and missing PE kits doesn't feel like something one should necessarily cherish. From a distance it may resolve itself into a fuzzy, happy-family tableau, but I'm not sure how far back you'd have to stand.”
Despite the typos, which I happily corrected in pencil, this brand new book was a fun read and it gave me a guy's perspective on many things, which explains a lot.
“Throughout parenthood – usually when you're on your knees with exhaustion – older people have a habit of coming up to you and saying, 'Enjoy it – it goes by so fast.' And they're right – it does goes [sic] by fast. Just not at the time.
In the thick of it, parenthood seems never-ending, its compromises deep and permanent. In a few short years I have gone from being appalled by the low hygiene standards of small children to being appalled by my own low hygiene standards.
I had always imagined that my children would at some point graduate from being charges to being minions – that I would be able to assign them tiresome chores or dispatch them on small errands in exchange for their upkeep. It would be like having an army of tiny personal assistants.
This never really came to pass. It's true that for the promise of 50p a six-year-old will look for your glasses all day, but he will not find them. An eleven-year-old will not look, not even for a fiver.
I spend most of my time in search of their stuff, or fulfilling their demands, or coping with the fury of someone whose maths homework won't disgorge from the printer because of a connection issue that is somehow my fault. In [sic] turns out that parenting is a lot more like being a personal assistant than having one. In fact, it's a lot like being Naomi Campbell's personal assistant, but without the travel.
Up close, this time of dirt, tears, insolence and missing PE kits doesn't feel like something one should necessarily cherish. From a distance it may resolve itself into a fuzzy, happy-family tableau, but I'm not sure how far back you'd have to stand.”
Despite the typos, which I happily corrected in pencil, this brand new book was a fun read and it gave me a guy's perspective on many things, which explains a lot.
December 19, 2014
I am not, nor will I ever be, a husband for obvious reasons. However, I adore Tim Dowling's column in The Guardian, so I was excited to receive an advance copy of this book. This book plays as well as his short form writing because Dowling has a gift for using amusing anecdotes to work toward a deeper point. The chapters are roughly chronological, so we progress from the beginning of his relationship with his spitfire wife through his children growing up. Dowling's writing is confessional without being self-righteous, as he judges his own worst habits as readily as anyone else. I found myself repeatedly quoting this to friends as I was reading. A perfect, quick read.
I received an advance review copy of this through Penguin's First to Read program.
I received an advance review copy of this through Penguin's First to Read program.
December 3, 2015
He's a good columnist and I would recommend reading this book in short spurts. When I was near the end I finished it in a longer sitting and it got a little dull (a common issue for me when reading a book of someone's short stories or essays). It could've also been the topic at the end - the chapter on feminism vs masculism veered off strangely to me.
I wavered between 3 and 4 stars but went with 4 because I read some parts aloud to Kevin and we both enjoyed it.
A Few Quotes from the Book
"My successful marriage is built of mistakes. It may be founded on love, trust, and a shared sense of purpose, but it runs on a steady diet of cowardice, impatience, ill-advised remarks, and low cunning. But also: apologies, belated expressions of gratitude, and frequent appeals for calm."
"Like many men, my biggest contribution to housework reduction is that I've managed to lower the bar for cleanliness."
"It is one of the luxuries of long-term marital commitment that you can buy DIY materials without having a specific project in mind. Each purchase is a tiny act of faith that says, "I will still be here when whatever this thing is supposed to fix finally breaks"."
"There is no good rejoinder to the exclamation, "I am NOT your mother!" but among the especially not good ones is "Then stop buying me ugly sweaters!" Take my word for it."
"Young men: your talent for being able to get sex over and done with really quickly is probably not much prized at the moment, but it will come in handy down the road, so don't forget how. It may be hard to believe at your age, but one day you'll reach a stage in your relationship when "Honestly - you'll hardly know I was here" becomes a surprisingly successful chat-up line, especially if your spouse knows you can deliver on the promise."
Find all my reviews at:
http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com/
I wavered between 3 and 4 stars but went with 4 because I read some parts aloud to Kevin and we both enjoyed it.
A Few Quotes from the Book
"My successful marriage is built of mistakes. It may be founded on love, trust, and a shared sense of purpose, but it runs on a steady diet of cowardice, impatience, ill-advised remarks, and low cunning. But also: apologies, belated expressions of gratitude, and frequent appeals for calm."
"Like many men, my biggest contribution to housework reduction is that I've managed to lower the bar for cleanliness."
"It is one of the luxuries of long-term marital commitment that you can buy DIY materials without having a specific project in mind. Each purchase is a tiny act of faith that says, "I will still be here when whatever this thing is supposed to fix finally breaks"."
"There is no good rejoinder to the exclamation, "I am NOT your mother!" but among the especially not good ones is "Then stop buying me ugly sweaters!" Take my word for it."
"Young men: your talent for being able to get sex over and done with really quickly is probably not much prized at the moment, but it will come in handy down the road, so don't forget how. It may be hard to believe at your age, but one day you'll reach a stage in your relationship when "Honestly - you'll hardly know I was here" becomes a surprisingly successful chat-up line, especially if your spouse knows you can deliver on the promise."
Find all my reviews at:
http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com/
December 27, 2014
This book contains the musings of the author regarding his life- how he met his wife, moved to England from the US when they married, had children, and managed to stay married for 20 years. The book's description compares the author to Dave Barry which seems unfair, since I didn't find Mr. Dowling as funny and the only thing I could think they have in common is that they are both newspaper columnists. Halfway through this read, my mind started to wander on who the target audience for this book could be and I wasn't really able to figure that out. And I don't even think it would make a good gag gift. Take the book for a reflection of a somewhat normal, albeit wimpy, guy who was fortunate to find a spouse and make a family.
Thanks to First to Read- Penguin Books USA for the free copy of this book.
Thanks to First to Read- Penguin Books USA for the free copy of this book.
August 14, 2018
4-stars because it kept my interest all the way, mostly due to the humor, but many truths buried within. Not 5-stars because some of the self-deprecating humor seemed a bit exaggerated; and also, after awhile, gave the book a somewhat 1-dimensional feel. Dowling reminds me of Dave Barry, but with some differences. Barry's humor is often outward-directed, usually not so much about himself. Also Dowling's wife come across as a somewhat 'dark' presence: all her comments to him simply re-inforce his own sense of inadequacy (as husband, father, etc); her comments are witty (often), funny (sometimes), but biting (almost always). And after an entire book's worth of it, it begins to weigh.
But definitely worth reading. Any husband/father can relate to much of it.
But definitely worth reading. Any husband/father can relate to much of it.
September 21, 2015
I didn't think I would like this and I was right. A bizarre choice for an in person book club, the book did make me smile at times, but it was just a little too right on and middle class for my tastes. The fact that I got an email today telling me that only 4 people have booked for the meeting in a few day's time doesn't surprise me, but I'll be a little annoyed should the meeting be cancelled, given the albeit short time I invested in the book.
January 8, 2015
This is just a great feel-good, laugh-out-loud book. If you're having a rough day this will put things in perspective. Dowling is personable, witty, and a joy to read.
June 18, 2014
Bought for me for fathers day, due to our shared appreciation of his Guardian magazine column. Very funny, lots of threats by A. to take the book away 'if I kept up with that giggling'. I pretty much read it to the exclusion of everything else, which is a mark of its 'un-put-downable-ness' (if that's not too much of a crime against the English language..
At times funny, useful (DIY tips! Sort of..), poignant and whimsical, its all you would expect from his column increased and turned into something between a really long version of his column and an autobiography.
Definitely recommended if you like his column, but also if you like self deprecating humour.
At times funny, useful (DIY tips! Sort of..), poignant and whimsical, its all you would expect from his column increased and turned into something between a really long version of his column and an autobiography.
Definitely recommended if you like his column, but also if you like self deprecating humour.
January 30, 2015
I received an ARC of How to Be a Husband throu ghost Penguin's First to Read program. Even though I am a wife, rather than a husband, I was able to identify with several of his hilarious points about marriage, parenting, and DIY. Oftentimes I found myself laughing aloud (which, interestingly enough, my husband hates). The imagery of Tim facing down a crowd of middle schoolers, getting punched by some kid in a hoodie, made my morning. I will definitely recommend this book to friends and family.
January 13, 2015
Thanks to First To Read for giving me the opportunity to review an advanced copy of this funny book. The author employed his comical, laid back wit to simply talk about marriage and what makes it worth it or possible. Some of his theories and ideas were truly hilarious and spot on... sex, cats, children, beards, etc. Yep, definitely a good read.
January 11, 2015
Tim Dowling writes a column for the Guardian which is very funny...This book is much the same as that....A funny look at family life..he bravely??!! writes about his wife and family....It is a funny,gentle read that you can dip in and out of....enjoyable....
July 26, 2021
How to Be a Husband was a real eye opener to the way some men think. I don’t know how to be a wife yet as I am unmarried but what I got from this collection is that marriage and love span a lifetime if you are lucky and the travails that go with it will shape and mould the relationship. Who you are as people, as a couple, will be very different to who you started out as being and more than anything it will be an interesting journey.
How to Be a Husband by Tim Dowling is available now.
How to Be a Husband by Tim Dowling is available now.
August 16, 2017
Kind of funny, kind of passive-aggressive. I wouldn't spend money on it but if it's right in front of you, in the library of your beach condo, for example, you might give it a try.
September 3, 2024
I get that it was trying to be funny...but I just didn't really think it was. Maybe I haven't been married long enough, or maybe our life isn't dysfunctional enough to appreciate the humor?
Read
February 25, 2017Very enjoyable, and also insightful, but reading this book made me sad, as with all the funny stories we get lectures, that marriage is about the commitment of two flawed people to each other through thick and thin.
I can't help going over the dying spasms of my marriage and playing the blame game. He refused to accept there were problems until he could not help but see them, at which point he decided they were too big to be fixed and decided to walk away. But what got us to the point that the problems were so big? How much nagging did I do, and was it too much? How much affection did I give, and was it too little? Did I focus too much on the kids? Or was I just a normal wife doing her best, but he fancied a change/had a mid-life crisis/got bored/was conditioned to follow the pattern of his parents marriage and divorce? No-one will ever really know, but I don't think I will ever stop questioning either.
I can't help going over the dying spasms of my marriage and playing the blame game. He refused to accept there were problems until he could not help but see them, at which point he decided they were too big to be fixed and decided to walk away. But what got us to the point that the problems were so big? How much nagging did I do, and was it too much? How much affection did I give, and was it too little? Did I focus too much on the kids? Or was I just a normal wife doing her best, but he fancied a change/had a mid-life crisis/got bored/was conditioned to follow the pattern of his parents marriage and divorce? No-one will ever really know, but I don't think I will ever stop questioning either.
October 12, 2016
I wish I could remember how I ended up with a copy of this book. It's an ebook, though, so presumably a sale or I noticed that it was about an American who moved to start a life with a Brit and thought it would be relevant. Not my usual fare at all, but I was in need of something to read and it was downloaded on my phone accidentally and so I ended up reading it in bits and pieces over time.
I probably expected it to be about cultural differences, and in some ways it was.. Though more often the differences between men and women than contrasting two nations.
The author of this little conversation about the trajectory of his marriage comes across as a cool self deprecating guy. Maybe, for me at least, a little too cool to properly identify and connect with him, but I suppose I'm not entirely his target audience based on the title of the book, so that's understandable. His writing style is precise and conversational and sometimes very very funny and sometimes quite wise. He doesn't pretend to know it all, and is clear about his frank awe and respect for his wife.
What was missing for me in this, was the softer heart of things. You glimpse it in his initial passionate pursuit for his someday wife, and in his care for his mother in law, mother, and children. But somewhere in his frankness, you never glimpse the softness of his feelings for his wife. His family came across as hard and somewhat aloof. Nothing wrong with that, there are a lot of kinds of love. I just couldn't entirely identify with it. It left me respecting him and the book, but stopping short of loving the book.
All that being said, it's an appropriate wedding gift for a soon to be new husband, and a pleasant conversation on the trials and tribulations of a long term committed relationship for those who want a book that is easy to dip in and out of on the go.
I probably expected it to be about cultural differences, and in some ways it was.. Though more often the differences between men and women than contrasting two nations.
The author of this little conversation about the trajectory of his marriage comes across as a cool self deprecating guy. Maybe, for me at least, a little too cool to properly identify and connect with him, but I suppose I'm not entirely his target audience based on the title of the book, so that's understandable. His writing style is precise and conversational and sometimes very very funny and sometimes quite wise. He doesn't pretend to know it all, and is clear about his frank awe and respect for his wife.
What was missing for me in this, was the softer heart of things. You glimpse it in his initial passionate pursuit for his someday wife, and in his care for his mother in law, mother, and children. But somewhere in his frankness, you never glimpse the softness of his feelings for his wife. His family came across as hard and somewhat aloof. Nothing wrong with that, there are a lot of kinds of love. I just couldn't entirely identify with it. It left me respecting him and the book, but stopping short of loving the book.
All that being said, it's an appropriate wedding gift for a soon to be new husband, and a pleasant conversation on the trials and tribulations of a long term committed relationship for those who want a book that is easy to dip in and out of on the go.
January 16, 2015
*This was a free book from Penguin First to Read.*
This book was somewhat amusing. I think it's the kind of book that wives should give to their husbands. Being female, a lot of the book didn't have any relevance to me, but I can certainly picture my husband snickering through it.
One of my favourite parts:
"Love is one of those emotions you occasionally have to talk yourself into. In the teeth of the shit storm of accusation and recrimination that marriage can sometimes turn into, it’s vital you take time out to dwell upon all the things about your partner that are admirable, exceptional, and charming. Sometimes it’s easier to do this when your partner is asleep."
This book was somewhat amusing. I think it's the kind of book that wives should give to their husbands. Being female, a lot of the book didn't have any relevance to me, but I can certainly picture my husband snickering through it.
One of my favourite parts:
"Love is one of those emotions you occasionally have to talk yourself into. In the teeth of the shit storm of accusation and recrimination that marriage can sometimes turn into, it’s vital you take time out to dwell upon all the things about your partner that are admirable, exceptional, and charming. Sometimes it’s easier to do this when your partner is asleep."
December 18, 2014
I received a free ARC e-book of this book from First To Read.
It's about an American guy who emigrates to England to be with the love of his life, get married and have kids so it does have a British slant to the book with certain words we aren't as familiar with in the U.S.
I thought this was a hilarious book with the author's take on marriage, fatherhood, work, DIY, etc... I'm guessing that married people will find it the most funny just knowing the inner secrets of a marriage.
It's about an American guy who emigrates to England to be with the love of his life, get married and have kids so it does have a British slant to the book with certain words we aren't as familiar with in the U.S.
I thought this was a hilarious book with the author's take on marriage, fatherhood, work, DIY, etc... I'm guessing that married people will find it the most funny just knowing the inner secrets of a marriage.
June 11, 2016
Tim Dowling is upfront in the very beginning of the book that this is not a self-help book. Rather, it is a book more often then not about what not to do in a marriage. Definitely, laughed out loud on more than one occasion and made me smile ... Sometimes at myself if nothing else. If you're looking for a fun read that will make you laugh and enjoy self-deprecating humor then you should give it a shot ... It was worth my time!
January 8, 2015
This is an at-times laugh-, or in my cases snort (on the tube no less),-out-loud book about so many of the things one shouldn't do in the course of a marriage. Really it's a minor miracle his wife stays with him, a fact not lost on him. As a regular reader of his weekend column in the Guardian magazine this was particularly enjoyable. Highly recommended for both husbands and wives.
March 21, 2015
Having been a fan of Tim Dowling's weekend column on the Guardian, I was really forward to this book and I'm happy to report that it did not disappoint. It is full of laugh out loud moments, little gems of insight into married life, and gives an interesting perspective into relationships and life in general.
May 1, 2017
This book started really well, but a while into it, what was supposed to be a funny feeling actually made me feel depressed and annoyed. While it is true that this is not supposed to be anything serious, the way the author portrays his relationship with his wife is more on the line of a rant. This book should have been titled "how not to be a husband"
January 10, 2015
Surprisingly funny
March 18, 2025
The mystery of marriage
I first came across Tim Dowling as the author of a hilarious piece describing how he came to join a "middle-aged man band" (the difference between which and a boy band being that "the biggest technical hitches come when no one remembers to bring reading glasses"). His wife was mentioned in passing as being openly alarmed that he might have been having a midlife crisis. In this book, she moves to centre stage as Dowling tries to describe what he's learnt about being a husband and father.
His tone is relentlessly self-deprecating (chapter 4, for example, is called "How to be wrong"), which probably isn't a bad thing when you're trying to deal with the give and take of a relationship, even if it's exaggerated for comic effect. For example, that chapter opens: "Take a moment to cast your eyes around my domain: this blasted promontory, wracked by foul winds, devoid of life, of cheer, of comfort. This is my special place - my fortress of solitude. I've been coming here on and off for the last twenty years. Welcome, my friend, to the moral high ground. [...] It's like a VIP room for idiots." [p57]. His ability to slip jokes like that in under the radar can cause the unsuspecting reader to suddenly snort with laughter. Here's another example [p82]:
"I hate having dinner parties," says my wife.
"You're not supposed to say that while everyone's still here," I say, indicating our guests.
In between the laughs however, there's some serious stuff about commitment, complements (and compliments), and the changing role of men in society (Dowling and his wife have three sons). It's not intended to be a how-to guide, but I learned a lot from it - perhaps you will too.
Originally Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 December 2014
I first came across Tim Dowling as the author of a hilarious piece describing how he came to join a "middle-aged man band" (the difference between which and a boy band being that "the biggest technical hitches come when no one remembers to bring reading glasses"). His wife was mentioned in passing as being openly alarmed that he might have been having a midlife crisis. In this book, she moves to centre stage as Dowling tries to describe what he's learnt about being a husband and father.
His tone is relentlessly self-deprecating (chapter 4, for example, is called "How to be wrong"), which probably isn't a bad thing when you're trying to deal with the give and take of a relationship, even if it's exaggerated for comic effect. For example, that chapter opens: "Take a moment to cast your eyes around my domain: this blasted promontory, wracked by foul winds, devoid of life, of cheer, of comfort. This is my special place - my fortress of solitude. I've been coming here on and off for the last twenty years. Welcome, my friend, to the moral high ground. [...] It's like a VIP room for idiots." [p57]. His ability to slip jokes like that in under the radar can cause the unsuspecting reader to suddenly snort with laughter. Here's another example [p82]:
"I hate having dinner parties," says my wife.
"You're not supposed to say that while everyone's still here," I say, indicating our guests.
In between the laughs however, there's some serious stuff about commitment, complements (and compliments), and the changing role of men in society (Dowling and his wife have three sons). It's not intended to be a how-to guide, but I learned a lot from it - perhaps you will too.
Originally Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 December 2014
February 7, 2023
Funny book. Serious topic seriously addressed but with much humor. The author is in a relationship and dead- end job and meets an English gal at a party in NYC, falls in love, and shortly thereafter breaks up with his girlfriend, goes overseas to be with this British girl, marries her and then has 3 kids with her. She is a real go getter and he is about as passive, lazy?, as you can imagine.
A quote from the book: "Most marriages are just a slow way to find out just how incompatible you are with your spouse." (Something like that)
He has bunches of lists: The 12 Labors of Love: I don't remember them all but some are: Making social arrangements, Answering the front door, Paperwork and administration, etc. And he describes how these chores have to be divided up.
The 7 Wrongs, and their solutions.
1. Wrongness of Omission. Correct response: Bring it up as though the omission is a good thing and then take your beating
2. …of Not Listening. Response: Stop arguing, apologize and listen
3. …Of Forgetting Original Purposes…. “I forgot what we were arguing about." You wind up in a more charitable position
4. ...Of recognizing your partner’s emotional investment in an issue. "Oh, I didn't realize how strong you felt about this."
5. …Making it all about you
6. Wrongness of making an ultimatum
7. Wrongness of being a cock (Jerk)…"Perhaps I’m being a jerk about this” I’m wrestling with the possibility that you may have a point.” “Whatever”
The thing I found interesting about the book is that while laughing I realized that after 37 years of marriage, I have come to realize that many of the things I thought were wrong and most of the things in the book are true.
One reviewer, a self-described Southern Belle, said that this was a sad person in an awful marriage. I thought quite the opposite. This is a real guy, married to a real woman, both of whom are flawed (who isn't) who is facing the real problems of getting along with someone else and raising kids and speaks about the issues insightfully.
A quote from the book: "Most marriages are just a slow way to find out just how incompatible you are with your spouse." (Something like that)
He has bunches of lists: The 12 Labors of Love: I don't remember them all but some are: Making social arrangements, Answering the front door, Paperwork and administration, etc. And he describes how these chores have to be divided up.
The 7 Wrongs, and their solutions.
1. Wrongness of Omission. Correct response: Bring it up as though the omission is a good thing and then take your beating
2. …of Not Listening. Response: Stop arguing, apologize and listen
3. …Of Forgetting Original Purposes…. “I forgot what we were arguing about." You wind up in a more charitable position
4. ...Of recognizing your partner’s emotional investment in an issue. "Oh, I didn't realize how strong you felt about this."
5. …Making it all about you
6. Wrongness of making an ultimatum
7. Wrongness of being a cock (Jerk)…"Perhaps I’m being a jerk about this” I’m wrestling with the possibility that you may have a point.” “Whatever”
The thing I found interesting about the book is that while laughing I realized that after 37 years of marriage, I have come to realize that many of the things I thought were wrong and most of the things in the book are true.
One reviewer, a self-described Southern Belle, said that this was a sad person in an awful marriage. I thought quite the opposite. This is a real guy, married to a real woman, both of whom are flawed (who isn't) who is facing the real problems of getting along with someone else and raising kids and speaks about the issues insightfully.
October 17, 2017
Tim Dowling's book begins with hope and promise that it'll be a funny read. Instead, it drifts into tedium and disjointed musings about marriage, life, kids, all the cliche things people who write about marriages write about.
Obviously, this isn't a primer on how to be married; the book does not indicate at all that it is. Instead, though, I had hoped it'd be funny observations about married life. It's not.
Dowling comes across as a wimp bowing down to his wife constantly and accepting her cold ways. The wife appears to be a real turd, cursing at him, criticizing him in public and belittling him. There are parts of this book that, while trying to be humorous, were more uncomfortable. Dowling notes that he hugs his wife four times a day to "annoy" her. They never speak affections for each other. There is no romance at all. To me, it's sad. Maybe that's how their marriage works, but I'd be packing my bags and heading back to the U.S. if I were in Dowling's position.
This is best read in small bites. It's repetitious in his self-deprecating ways. Dowling writes well and there are a couple light laughs, but it's a one-trick pony that, after hearing the premise for a few jokes, watching them be set up and then delivered, it becomes routine.
Obviously, this isn't a primer on how to be married; the book does not indicate at all that it is. Instead, though, I had hoped it'd be funny observations about married life. It's not.
Dowling comes across as a wimp bowing down to his wife constantly and accepting her cold ways. The wife appears to be a real turd, cursing at him, criticizing him in public and belittling him. There are parts of this book that, while trying to be humorous, were more uncomfortable. Dowling notes that he hugs his wife four times a day to "annoy" her. They never speak affections for each other. There is no romance at all. To me, it's sad. Maybe that's how their marriage works, but I'd be packing my bags and heading back to the U.S. if I were in Dowling's position.
This is best read in small bites. It's repetitious in his self-deprecating ways. Dowling writes well and there are a couple light laughs, but it's a one-trick pony that, after hearing the premise for a few jokes, watching them be set up and then delivered, it becomes routine.
March 12, 2019
I had not read anything by Tim Dowling before, so all I had to go on was the back cover copy, that this book was "riotously funny" and that the author is comparable to Dave Barry.
First, let me say that I listened to the audiobook version while driving. It is narrated by the author, which (for most books) is a good idea. However, this author has a habit of speaking softly at the end of his sentences, sort of trailing off. Of course, that's where the funny part often is, so I may have missed some humor due to highway noise.
Still, it didn't really live up to the promise, at least for me. There wasn't much humor at the beginning, though it got better later. Dowling did display some nice wordplay from time to time. However, he went roaming on several tangents for long periods that didn't really support the book's title at all. I think he must have originally titled it How to Be Me, but his editor told him that title wouldn't sell, so he suggested the current version.
Don't get me wrong. The book isn't terrible; it has many humorous moments. It just didn't live up to the promise of the back cover copy.
First, let me say that I listened to the audiobook version while driving. It is narrated by the author, which (for most books) is a good idea. However, this author has a habit of speaking softly at the end of his sentences, sort of trailing off. Of course, that's where the funny part often is, so I may have missed some humor due to highway noise.
Still, it didn't really live up to the promise, at least for me. There wasn't much humor at the beginning, though it got better later. Dowling did display some nice wordplay from time to time. However, he went roaming on several tangents for long periods that didn't really support the book's title at all. I think he must have originally titled it How to Be Me, but his editor told him that title wouldn't sell, so he suggested the current version.
Don't get me wrong. The book isn't terrible; it has many humorous moments. It just didn't live up to the promise of the back cover copy.
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