9/3/2018
Updated my review because it was very long and I criticized things that in hindsight aren't as big a deal
1.5 stars
TW: Rape (mentions throughout + flashback scene), domestic violence/abuse
Let me disclaim that there was MASSIVE potential here for a good book, but it had so many problems. I began highlighting lines that said problematic things, and I ended up having 147 notes of things that made me cringe or things that made me uncomfortable. If this book went under rigorous editing it could be the feminist read I think it's trying to be, but there's way too much perpetuation of gender stereotypes/roles, slut shaming, internalized misogyny, and overused/toxic tropes occurring.
To set the mood for this review, read this real line in this book:
(girl speaking) “You know what I think?”
(male love interest speaking) “Women aren’t supposed to think, Wellsy. That’s why your brains are smaller. Science proves it.”
Wooowwwww. Even if that’s a joke, fuck off.
People reviewed this saying things like “Garrett is sooo different than other guys in NA!” And in one way, I can see it, but he’s not nearly good enough to be considered a "good" guy, in my opinion. It begins with him relentlessly asking the main character to tutor him. For chapters. And chapters. She says no to him EVERY TIME and yet he still corners her at parties and after class and is like ‘hey! when are we studying!’ I don't like how disrespectful he was of her space and her time from page one.
One of the first times the two main characters see each other, they’re at a party and Hannah is eyeing the guy she has a crush on. Garrett is SUPER creepy because he catches her looking and is like “do you want to fuck him?” Which is 1) a disturbing question and 2) noNE OF YA GODDAMN BUSINESS. and even though it's uncomfy I just shook it off, but then he proceeds to tell her, “You’re not his type.” And she’s really wounded by this, yet he’s grinning and smirking like he’s proud of himself as he makes fun of her for liking him. HE LITERALLY CALLS HER A PUSSY FOR LIKING HIM AND NOT TELLING HIM, AND HE ALSO MAKES FUN OF HER FOR HAVING A CRUSH ON HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YDFGVSJHBKFLFSYG THAT’S SO SHITTY UGHHHHH
When Hannah finally agrees to tutor him (after some coercion), he says, “I managed to wear her down.” This is just so degrading. She couldn’t even agree to it willingly—he practically forced her to because he wouldn’t leave her alone about it and she was beginning to see him everywhere and just wanted him to shut up.
FURTHERMORE, He coerces her into a relationship because he tells her “hey! if you go out with me, it will make you look like you have a higher status, he’ll notice you, and you can finally be up to his standards so that he’ll date you!” How….. is this normal. How is this supportable. I’m just appalled. This entire book perpetuated the concept of—and Garrett says this himself— “guys only want girls who give them a chase, and they want a woman who’s out of reach because guys want what they can’t have.” gross gross gross gross why can’t we just have 2 people falling in love? EVER? why does it have to be some slimy shit like this???
Later on in the book Hannah explains to Garrett why she doesn’t drink (she’s scared of getting drugged due to past sexual assault) and he gets really serious and is like “I want you to drink. I think you should drink. I’d never let anyone hurt you” and she’s kind of pushed into it? During that same scene when she drinks with him for the first time, he stands by passively as she has 3 drinks (gulping down the first one), and then watches and laughs as she’s on stage stumbling through karaoke. He acts like “Oh, I’ll protect you! Don’t be afraid of drinking!” but then doesn’t even promote healthy drinking, or keep her from embarrassing situations. In fact, as she’s on stage singing, all he’s thinking is “I want to kiss her right now” and “im hard as a rock in the middle of this bar.” He later notices how drunk she is and says, I quote, “I love being the one who got her to this point." at the end of the night they both end up wasted and Garrett, just in his boxers, crawls into bed with Hannah, who's only in a T-shirt. he’s taken five shots and makes a comment that’s like, “even if I wanted to take advantage of her right now I wouldn’t be able to,” referring to his limp dick, but he basically just implied raping her???? byeeee!!! They start making out and in his drunken state he thinks, “I know this is bad but I’m too drunk to care.” Ew.
Also, there was slut shaming in this book. The main character constantly refers to the women that have sex with athletes as girls who don’t know any better. Girls who are stupid. She constantly places herself above all the girls that Garrett usually has sex with because she assumes that she’s better and smarter than them for not falling for his tricks. Additionally, there's a lot of pitching women against each other and comparing body types/beauty, so this isn't really the prime feminist literature that it wants to be. It’s just a constant narrative of “i’m better than some girls!!” which sucks. In this vein, Garrett calls the MC a "total pig compared to other girls i know" for eating 4 slices of pizza. this scene is punctuated by him saying "there's nothing attractive about a girl who's skin and bones. i prefer them curvy." barf gag. bye no thank u
This was cheesy. So bad. It read like fanfiction, or a wattpad smut. Totally cookie-cutter characters with predictable actions. Take a shot every time Hannah rolls her eyes, bites her lip, clenches her thighs, or sighs (you’d be in the hospital by page 5. Seriously. This girl rolls her eyes like twice a page). Completely unoriginal. The dialogue was so cringe-worthy I literally had to put down the book at a few points:
“Just out of curiosity,” she says, “after you wake up in the morning, do you admire yourself in the mirror for one hour or two?”
“Two,” I reply cheerfully.
“Do you high five yourself?”
“Of course not.” I smirk. “I kiss each of my biceps and then point to the ceiling and thank the big man upstairs for creating such a perfect male specimen.”
NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT!!!! NOBODY!!!!! oh my god i’m so heated about this. I’m a college junior, the same age as the characters in this book, and i would r u n if someone started talking to me like this. Automatic no.
Soooo I have a preconceived notion of male student athletes. They’re more prone to being rapists. They’re reckless. They eat all the food in the dining hall right before I get there. I’ve never read a great book or interacted enough with male student athletes to prove this wrong, but this book certainly doesn’t help. Every guy is sex-obsessed and calls girls “baby girl” and makes crude jokes. Maybe it’s realistic, maybe it’s not. But this book does nothing to disband my belief that athletes are the worst. So was I excited about Garrett and wanting to date him because he’s ~so nice~ and ~so respectful toward women~? No. And the way that Hannah reacts to all these sexist comments is really off-putting. Everytime, without fail, all she does is roll her eyes and go, “Ugh, boys! What can you do!” For me to take a standing ovation to this, she would have needed to threaten their asses and call them out for their sexist and uncalled for comments. Instead, she just treats it like it’s annoying rather than something harmful and disturbing. I think it’s strange that she’s a rape victim, and yet she finds their comments more annoying than threatening. At one point, one of Garrett’s roommates actually threatens her to tutor him:
“I’ll be very, very upset.” His sultry gaze does a slow and deliberate sweep of my body, lingering on my chest before traveling back up. “You don’t want to upset me, do you, gorgeous?”
Vomit?????
And instead of Garrett being like, “Hey man, that’s shitty, treat her with some respect,” he instead SNORTS and says, “Don’t waste your time, man. She’s immune to flirting. Trust me. I’ve tried.”
At one point Garrett is trying to convince her to sing for him (btw, she's a music major lol) and she says, “I know Garrett will harass me all night if I don’t agree.” She even uses the word harassment!!! She knows she’s being mistreated and coerced, and yet she just acquiesces every time. I’m so tired. The problem with this is this whole book promotes the “boys will be boys” attitude. Any time an athlete says something gross, the MC just rolls her eyes. And despite that, she’s like “Garrett protects me from bad things!” and yet Garrett doesn’t do a fucking thing except feel jealous any time that someone makes an uncomfortable advance on her or teases her about something inappropriate or asks her a gross, flirtatious question. This all needed to have been challenged in the book, but it isn’t. It’s just brushed away as “hahaha these boys are the worst, they’re athletes, but what can you do?!?!?!” It’s infuriating.
this book is also one of many that use the trope "well ive been with boys before but i've never orgasmed or enjoyed sex so i think im broken" and Mr. Right comes along and suddenly she's a sexual goddess!!! i think it's just another version of the guy-fixes-girl trope, and i think it's really annoying. you can have orgasms and special connections with each of your partners; it doesn't all have to suddenly be "aND HE WAS PERFECT FOR ME BECAUSE I CAME 10 TIMES!!! OUR LOVE IS LEGITIMIZED!!!!!" At the most frustrating part of this book, she LITERALLY tells him, “I’m broken and I want you to fix me.” Don’t get me wrong, there’s definitely a compelling motivation there because she feels after being raped that she can never have normal, enjoyable sex. But that’s a problem to talk about with a therapist, not to assign to a random dude, or even a boyfriend. It’s just so wrong. She wants to use him to “reprogram her body to respond.” This just falls into the category of books I hate where I just want to scream GET HELP, NOT A BOYFRIEND.
The few good parts about this book that I wish could have made it better:
-When Hannah asks Garrett for the first time if he wants to have sex, it’s done really assertively and transparently. I like that she felt confident enough to be direct, and when he asked her why, she had no problem saying, “Because I want to.” That was a powerful moment for me. (Even though the scene ended by her saying ‘im broken, fix me.” it was nice while it lasted)
-Garrett is SO much more attentive to her after he finds out she was raped. Almost to the point that I’d wished she told him sooner so that he could quit being an asshole. Still, he’s over-protective and their relationship and dialogue and descriptions fits every gender stereotype, so there’s a long way to go.
-The sex scenes are really, really slow-going and consensual. Not entirely sexy and flawless, but not unbearable.