Family Breakdown: Helping children hang on to both their parents

by Penelope Leach

Divorcing or separating feels like overwhelmingly adult business, but if children are involved it is very much their business as well. This book is written for separating mothers and fathers, for their extended families and prospective new partners, and for the professionals who support and advise them. Above all, this book is written to help those grownups do better by children. This book is full of ways to minimise the impact of separation. You'll discover - often in their own words - what children of different ages are likely to understand and feel about the process, along with ways to help them cope. There's research to help guide you through those dreadfully difficult decisions about access and custody; information about money and legal matters; and suggestions about handovers, holidays and more. "Mutual parenting," is not easy to achieve, but it is the best possible way forward from family breakdown.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Divorce, Self Help

Kindle Edition

First published June 18, 2014

About the author

Dr. Penelope J. Leach (born Penelope Jane Balchin) is a British psychologist who writes extensively on parenting issues from a child development perspective.

Reviews

[Tudor Crețu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nu știu cum de am ales acum doua săptămâni de la Bookster cartea asta. Probabil ca m-am tot gândit la despărțiri și am făcut corelație și cu o carte care chiar mi-a plăcut - New Family Values a lui Andrew Solomon. Însă mi-a plăcut și aceasta. Copiii au mai multă nevoie în primii ani de viața decât ne-am închipui vreodată și știu întotdeauna cu mult mai mult decât credem noi ca știu sau ar vrea să știe.

Cert e ca în viața nu e întotdeauna ușor, iar dacă chiar trebuie și trebuie să te despărți de partenerul cu care ai ajuns să ai un copil, exista câteva sfaturi care ar părea de bun simt la prima vedere:

- la început mamele contează mai mult
- curând, și tatii contează la fel de mult
- despărțirea părinților este mai rea pentru copii
- trebuie puși pe primul plan
- trebuie tratati ca oameni, nu ca bunuri

“Copiii supraviețuiesc destrămării familiei mai ușor dacă părinții își păstrează pentru ei problemele de adulți, furia și ostilitatea rămânând în cadrul relațiilor lor de bărbat-femeie, astfel încât relațiile de mama și tata să rămână civilizate.”

Încă o dată, nu știu cum de-am ales cartea asta, dar a fost o lectura plăcută. Încă nu am copii, dar pentru ca mama este asistent maternal de vreo 14 ani încoace (și a avut cinci copii diferiți pana acum), am trecut prin multe faze ale părintelui patern și știu sigur ca le-aș oferi toată dragostea.

[Denise Spicer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book tries to emphasize what is best for kids as opposed to what is best, or even fair, for the adults involved in divorce.
She discusses how children of different ages are at different stages that make certain strategies more appropriate than others. Included is a discussion of the importance of other people in the child’s life: siblings, Grandparents, (especially the maternal grandmother), extended family, and other adults. Explains some of the impacts of the parents’ lovers and new spouses. The author points out that many children are unforgiving of the stranger who has “stolen” their parent and that this is a rotten way to begin step parenting. (Also how most affairs don’t last).
There is information on practical and legal matters, such as “alienation”, Holidays and long distance parenting. The importance of staying in the family home if possible is pointed out. Sometimes the absent parent loses contact with children over time. Though the author reiterates that divorce is never good for kids she tries to point out some ways to make it better.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for separating partners.

It's clear that the anticipated audience is mothers, but if you can overlook that, it's fairly unbiased and child-centered for either parent to glean some guidance.

[Vovka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good review

[Adrian · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5 because it showcases that children need different things from their parents at different stages of development. It appears controversial, but it intuitely makes sense. Both parents are important just at different times.

[Heather Cebulko · Rating 5 out of 5]

very informative