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India in Love
India in Love: Marriage and Sexuality in the 21st Century is a ground-breaking look at the sexual revolution that is beginning to sweep through urban India. Bestselling author Ira Trivedi travelled from Shillong in the northeast to Chennai in the south, Konark in the east to Mumbai in the west, and over a dozen other cities and towns, in order to gain unprecedented insights into how the nation has sex, gets married and falls in (and out of) love in the 21st century.
The book explores the sexual proclivities and mating habits of young Indians on college campuses and in offices; examines the changing face of Indian pornography and prostitution, especially the world of high-class hookers; probes the oppression the LGBT community faces in a nation where the Supreme Court shocked wide sections of society with its ruling on Article 377 that re-criminalized homosexuality; and delves into history, economics and sociology to try and understand how the nation that gave the world the Kamasutra could have become a closed, repressed society with a shockingly high incidence of rape and violence against women—the dark underside to the greater sexual freedom that men and women in our cities have begun to enjoy today.
The book explores the sexual proclivities and mating habits of young Indians on college campuses and in offices; examines the changing face of Indian pornography and prostitution, especially the world of high-class hookers; probes the oppression the LGBT community faces in a nation where the Supreme Court shocked wide sections of society with its ruling on Article 377 that re-criminalized homosexuality; and delves into history, economics and sociology to try and understand how the nation that gave the world the Kamasutra could have become a closed, repressed society with a shockingly high incidence of rape and violence against women—the dark underside to the greater sexual freedom that men and women in our cities have begun to enjoy today.
425 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2014
37 people are currently reading
562 people want to read
About the author
Ira Trivedi
19 books54 followersIra Trivedi is the bestselling author of What Would You Do to Save the World? (2006), The Great Indian Love Story (2009) and There Is No Love on Wall Street (2011). Her latest book and first work of non-fiction is India in Love: Marriage and Sexuality in the 21st century, a landmark book on India's new social revolution in marriage and sexuality.
Ira's books have been published by leading publishers like Penguin and Aleph and have been translated into several languages including Hindi, Marathi, Malayalam and Greek.
Ira contributes to a wide variety of publications including Foreign Affairs, Hindustan Times Brunch, Forbes, Outlook, Daily News & Analysis (DNA), The Asian Age, the Telegraph (India) amongst many others.
She is regularly invited to speak to students, youth groups and corporates across the country.
Ira Trivedi has lived all over the world: in four countries, nine cities and three continents. She graduated from Wellesley College, Massachusetts, USA with a BA in economics from and gained her MBA from Columbia Business School, where she won the prestigious Feldberg Fellowship.
In addition to her career as a writer, Ira is also a certified teacher of yoga. She lives in New Delhi, India, with her family.
Ira's books have been published by leading publishers like Penguin and Aleph and have been translated into several languages including Hindi, Marathi, Malayalam and Greek.
Ira contributes to a wide variety of publications including Foreign Affairs, Hindustan Times Brunch, Forbes, Outlook, Daily News & Analysis (DNA), The Asian Age, the Telegraph (India) amongst many others.
She is regularly invited to speak to students, youth groups and corporates across the country.
Ira Trivedi has lived all over the world: in four countries, nine cities and three continents. She graduated from Wellesley College, Massachusetts, USA with a BA in economics from and gained her MBA from Columbia Business School, where she won the prestigious Feldberg Fellowship.
In addition to her career as a writer, Ira is also a certified teacher of yoga. She lives in New Delhi, India, with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
December 8, 2018
Very interesting topic, but such obnoxious writing. I mean, this is just a sample of how the author describes the people she interviews for the book - "dark-skinned girl", "with a plain chapati like face", "speaks English with a thick accent that was hard to understand" - which planet did you land from, Ira Trivedi? We are all dark-skinned in this continent, and we all speak English with an accent - as does well, the rest of the world. So achingly offensive, couldn't read beyond a point.
July 19, 2015
What a wonderful read! A book right after my own heart, exploring the changing face of love and sexuality in India, and doing it with so much rigor, so much introspection and so much heart.
During the course of reading this book, I learnt and un-learnt alot, like how relatively open a society we were before the British brought in their Victorian prudence; about how involved we are in sex - from ~50% of urban Indian men having visited prostitutes to ~25% having had extramarital relations, these kind of stats from a society so invested in wanting to show a so-called moral face to the world was surprising. It was a shock to know that invisible to a relatively strait-laced DINK couple like us, there exists an entire world, from clubs, dating portals and support groups for homosexual people, support groups and agents to help star-crossed young lovers who are facing being murdered by their families, to various hues & tones of shaadi portals meant for a gamut of people - from ones who are overweight to those who are divorcees.
I learnt that India's dichotomy is mirrored in the judgments passed by its highest court, such as the wide chasm between the ruling that deems unnatural sex acts as illegal to the one that legitimizes children born of live-in relationships; from the one that still doesn't recognize marital rape to the one that recognizes the urgent need to make divorce proceedings as quick and speedy as possible given the astronomical rise in such cases.
India is a crazy country. And our generation, plus or minus one, is caught in this strange no man's land, where on the one hand there are deeply entrenched familial expectations and on the other a mushrooming acceptance of the most unorthodox lifestyles and a growing recognition of the individual. What the shape of our culture is going to be once the dust settles, is a question worth pondering upon.
Ira Trivedi does a fantastic job of bringing in alot of perspective and research across a wide range of subjects. This was one of the most interesting non-fiction I have ever read.
During the course of reading this book, I learnt and un-learnt alot, like how relatively open a society we were before the British brought in their Victorian prudence; about how involved we are in sex - from ~50% of urban Indian men having visited prostitutes to ~25% having had extramarital relations, these kind of stats from a society so invested in wanting to show a so-called moral face to the world was surprising. It was a shock to know that invisible to a relatively strait-laced DINK couple like us, there exists an entire world, from clubs, dating portals and support groups for homosexual people, support groups and agents to help star-crossed young lovers who are facing being murdered by their families, to various hues & tones of shaadi portals meant for a gamut of people - from ones who are overweight to those who are divorcees.
I learnt that India's dichotomy is mirrored in the judgments passed by its highest court, such as the wide chasm between the ruling that deems unnatural sex acts as illegal to the one that legitimizes children born of live-in relationships; from the one that still doesn't recognize marital rape to the one that recognizes the urgent need to make divorce proceedings as quick and speedy as possible given the astronomical rise in such cases.
India is a crazy country. And our generation, plus or minus one, is caught in this strange no man's land, where on the one hand there are deeply entrenched familial expectations and on the other a mushrooming acceptance of the most unorthodox lifestyles and a growing recognition of the individual. What the shape of our culture is going to be once the dust settles, is a question worth pondering upon.
Ira Trivedi does a fantastic job of bringing in alot of perspective and research across a wide range of subjects. This was one of the most interesting non-fiction I have ever read.
July 13, 2015
Trivedi’s book is a painstaking and detailed documentation consisting of more than 500 interviews to understand changing sexual ideas of India. Her book starts off with some wonderful explanation of the sexual symbolism of Ram and Sita, and Radha and Krishna. Her account of the Kamakhya Devi Temple in Guwahait that is shaped like a vagina is vivid and fascinating. Ira writes best when she is providing a mythological and historical reference to a particular story in the book. But sadly, that is where the charm of the book also ends. Ira meanders off into her interviews, which are entertaining to read, but do not offer any new insight or unknown about love and sex are being perceived in modern-day India. These stories abound by the dozen in newspapers and on television, and it makes for forced reading in her book.
Ira has clearly put in remarkable research in writing this book with characters that we recognize and empathize with. She peppers her book generously with personal anecdotes, some statistics, and interviews with well-known writers and psychologists. Sometimes, she also comes across as judgmental, providing descriptions of skin color and beauty, which seemed highly unnecessary. For someone who wrote ' The Colour of my Skin', it was perplexing why she presented this detail for all women that she interviewed for her book. While her research effort is evident, the product does not match up, neither in prose or content. Ira's book begins with a high note and then keeps jarring off key through the entire book. Another book that started out as promising, but broke it.
[1] http://www.ibtimes.com/india-has-rape...
Ira has clearly put in remarkable research in writing this book with characters that we recognize and empathize with. She peppers her book generously with personal anecdotes, some statistics, and interviews with well-known writers and psychologists. Sometimes, she also comes across as judgmental, providing descriptions of skin color and beauty, which seemed highly unnecessary. For someone who wrote ' The Colour of my Skin', it was perplexing why she presented this detail for all women that she interviewed for her book. While her research effort is evident, the product does not match up, neither in prose or content. Ira's book begins with a high note and then keeps jarring off key through the entire book. Another book that started out as promising, but broke it.
[1] http://www.ibtimes.com/india-has-rape...
October 10, 2015
Except for a short section on the matrilinear social structure of the Khasis in Meghalaya, I didn't find anything novel or unique in Trivedi's work. With a brief (probably an idea sold to her by Aleph) of having to cover the sexual revolution taking place in modern India, Trivedi covers all the usual topics that such a daunting subject calls for. Temple erotica-check, violence against women-check, Section 377-check, sexologists-check, live-in in India-check, arranged marriages-check, theme based weddings-check, prostitution-check, open marriage-check, swinger clubs-check and the list goes on. After a while, the book became tedious. Candid discussions with a cross section of our friends will reveal more about the changing social mores of our country than this book does.
April 30, 2014
A good attempt at talking about some very vital aspects concerning our so called society. And good amount of research done goo, with peppy anecdotes. Yet, this book could have been much shorter. A good hundred pages at least.
April 26, 2014
A brilliant book, very well researched and provides deep insights into not just marriage and sex but also the cultural changes India is going through. The facts and figures mentioned in the book, am sure would take anyone by surprise. Excellent Read.
February 20, 2019
Prior to reading this book, I bumped into an article on ancient marriage. According to Veda, marriage is called as a union between masculine and feminine entity with firm commitment to Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. One of the central pillar of Indian society was marriage. In the last century, higher percentage of people settled for a partner that their families have arranged for them. However, the relationship between man and woman is changing. The change has been more drastic in last ten years than they were in three thousand years. Arranged marriage may seem to be very retrograde concept now. The beliefs of previous generations are no longer considered sacrilegious. Young generation in particular treat parent’s way of life as antiquated and extremely quixotic. The world has become small and alluring too. Insatiable erotomania means that sex is beginning to escape from underneath the sheets and in to the living room. I must say sex is finally out of the closet and on to the streets. The order of love, sex and marriage have undergone radical changes. Traditionally, it was marriage, sex and then love if the couples are lucky. Now the order is love, sex and may be marriage. Increasing number of urban Indians are beginning to believe that love and sex are all that matters in a relationship. New paradigms of sex and relationship – open and live-in are being tested and explored. The change in relationship has probably led to more fulfilling relationships than those in the past but it has also contributed to myriad crisis in society. Great Indian middle class is trying to fit into globalized world. Through this book, we hear tales, narratives, conversations and analysis of how love, sex and marriages are working in modern urban India.
Stephanie Coontz is a historian and marriage expert. She had studied marriage pattern in Europe and North America. In her well-known book- “Marriage, a History: How love conquered marriage”, she concludes that market driven economy led to erosion of traditional social system in the eighteenth century. Young people began accepting the idea that love should be the primary criteria for marriage. Still marriage continued to be of paramount importance. By 1970’s, love and sex revolution dislodged marriage from its central position in society and it was no longer considered a required step for a fulfilling life. Coontz’s theory can be applied to Indian scenario as well. Though marriage continues to play an important role, the tradition of arranged marriage is breaking down. Increasing number of people are choosing to marry for love rather than for religious, caste, family or economic reasons. Young educated men and women from conservative and traditional family moves to other cities in order to make their career. The office atmosphere especially in IT sector is such that romance blooms. These young people experience a lot of freedom. Sometimes parents would acquiesce and go with their children’s interest. After marriage, they are suddenly confronted with problems that come along with romance and relationship. They cannot count on their parents for emotional support and end up hitting a rough patch. Sometimes young couple's decision affront their obdurate parents and society. Such decisions can cause malaise and takes a life threatening turn. If love and marriage is across caste and community then young couples are killed too. To protect such couples from the wrath of their families, an organization named “Loved Commandos” have been doing noticeable work but acrimonious and ugly atmosphere refuse to go.
When we discuss about marriage, can subject of divorce be far behind? The answer is No. Let us see the current statistics of divorce rates, legal definition and ancient text teachings. In ancient times, there are so few instances of divorce that there was no defined word for divorce. Finally, when it happened, it occurred under extraordinary circumstances. If the spouse is impotent or have decided to renounce the world. Ancient text like Naradasmriti permit a woman to remarry only under mentioned two conditions. In 70’s, divorce rate barely touch 1 per cent. According to 2001 census figure, divorce rate is high as 7%. Recent national level figures are not available as divorce proceedings are dealt with at the state level. Had it been available, it seems like more than 7%. Traditionally two families have come closer to avoid divorce. The couples tried harder to adjust. Presently, due to financial independence and increase in confidence, women are no longer always ready to adjust. This is irrespective of whether a woman is distressed or not. According to Hindu Marriage Act, divorce in Hindu marriages are possible only when it fall under adultery, cruelty, renunciation of the world or change in relation. In an amendment, mutual consent between couples without the need to present faults was also included in the ambit of the marriage act. Changes in law too have speeded up divorce proceedings.
In movies especially of softcore or X-rated genre, outside the relationship casual flings and sexuality are common even when partners are in so-called committed relationship. It is just a movie, which can show any queer stuff. The bizarre contents cannot be a reality. If you agree then you need a reality check. We have been discussing about marriage. If we explore modern love in India then we find that two person can be in a relationship, live, and stay together, without getting married. The Supreme Court has legalized it and if consenting adults take such a decision then it is not considered a crime. Such news no longer astonish anybody. What can be considered as brazen is the fact that each partner explores his or her sexuality individually while maintaining one's marriage. Both the partners indulged in adultery in full cognizance and consent of each other. They keep their marriage intact for parents and society’s sake. Both follows the track of traditional marriage but suddenly they drift to enter into an undefined open marriage. They live a promiscuous life. They are not even resentful. The thrill of illicit romance is too alluring for them. The third most radical and hair-raising idea is swinger’s club. It is noticed in upper strata of the society. The couple not only indulge themselves in sexuality with each other but with other people as well, provided the couples are members of the club. Such clubs mushroomed in western world five decades ago and now it sees steady growth in India . It is still in embryonic stage.
The trade of accepting money in favor of sex also existed back in 300 CE. The temple sex workers formed an important part of religious and cultural life in India. They were well treated and respected. They also held a high social status in the society. Ancient texts such as Arthashatra, Buddhacharitra and Kamasutra narrates widely accepted positions that courtesans held in India. Arthashastra lays down the functions of the prostitutes during their active service and post retirement. Vatsyayana devoted an entire section to ganikas in Kamasutra. He states that it is the duty of men to indulge the ganika who were indispensable part in public function of the town and aristocracy. During the Mughal reign, the practices from Persia was seamlessly integrated into the practices of the ganikas. Rich and powerful nobles sponsored the courtesans known as tawaifs. They were connoisseurs of song and dance. They specialized in vocal forms such as ghazal and thumri, and dance forms like Kathak. They were prerogatives of rich and powerful. Common people could not even touch them. The downfall of ancient tradition of courtesan began during Indian Revolt of 1857, when it was discovered that many British soldiers were infected with venereal disease. The skillset involving music is no longer associated with women, who provides sexual services in return of money. You call these women prostitutes. The law of the land is peculiar. The trade is neither abolished nor legalized. Previously most girls came from lower strata of the society. They were either pushed into the trade forcefully or were driven by poverty. Now the scenario is changing. The low-end category is still in majority but around 40% are coming from upper classes who operates as call girls, bar girls and high-class prostitutes. Indian women also face a competition from foreign women, mostly coming from erstwhile Soviet Union and other East European countries. These girls look good, dress well, flirt expertly and titillate professionally. The rich and powerful are now avoiding low-end prostitutes and preferring foreign or English speaking women. The arena too is changing. It is shifting to farmhouse and five star hotel. The clients for these low-end prostitutes are coolie, rickshaw pullers and young boys who are barely into their teens. That does not mean their numbers are decreasing but one class of sexual worker is increasing at astronomical speed to keep up with the need of ever increasing sexual demands of men.
There have been sea changes in taste of Indians in the last decade. Whatever be the state of the economy, people are always getting married. The marriage business is never down. Apart from traditional ghataks, online marriage portals are connecting prospective bride and grooms like never before. For the moneyed people, marriage event was always a gala event and now there are multiple adds on. Friends and family members dance to hip-swinging sequence. Choreographers train them few days in advance. The wedding décor resembles Bollywood film set. As per the direction of photographers, the new couple pose like Bollywood actors. The videographers makes the wedding video look like a mini Bollywood film with all those songs and dances. Bollywood celebrities make nice profit by appearing in these events for few minutes. Bollywood has invaded every aspect of Indian wedding.
In the last few decades, Indian women have become astonishingly bold in their taste and to fulfill it, they go that extra mile. The sale of sex toys are illegal in the country. However, in the black market, the vibrators and dildos are much in demand. The surprises do not stop here. The products associated with other sexually active behavior are becoming popular as well. Vaginal beautification, which not only involve removal of hair but also decorating vagina with diamond crystal and other precious stones, have takers and getting popular. Laser hair removal parlours have become as common as beauty parlours. Women are spending a good amount of money on what they wear on bed. The organized lingerie market has trebled in the last ten years. When iconic brand Wonderbra was launched, all it’s prelaunch stock on display was sold out. What was the unit sold? It was one lac. The other online lingerie stores like Pretty Secrets and Zivame are gaining ground as well popularity in India.
The book brilliantly present the changing attitude towards love, sex and marriage in full. As part of her research, Ira Trivedi had travelled extensively in all metros and dozen other cities to get an impression of the changes that are taking place. What are the stimulus for these changes? The changes are directly proportional to technological, economic, political and legislative changes over the past decade that have provided people with plethora of choices, freedom and experiences. Technology in particular has been a game changer. This have broadened people's desire and aspirations as well as teased their imaginations. The present generation is exposed to romantic and sexualized culture. Before penning this book, the author had planned to see trends, collect statistic and then reached a conclusion. Every time, she tried to freeze a theory, something would pop up and dislodge it. As per Newton’s third law, every action has equal and opposite reaction. Likewise, during her research she found that for every truth, there was an equal and opposite untruth. The book is a revelation. This was an interesting and readable account. Apart from being an author, she is also a yoga expert. You can watch her videos in YouTube. I am smitten by her good looks and bitten by her writing bug. I am looking forward to her other books.
Stephanie Coontz is a historian and marriage expert. She had studied marriage pattern in Europe and North America. In her well-known book- “Marriage, a History: How love conquered marriage”, she concludes that market driven economy led to erosion of traditional social system in the eighteenth century. Young people began accepting the idea that love should be the primary criteria for marriage. Still marriage continued to be of paramount importance. By 1970’s, love and sex revolution dislodged marriage from its central position in society and it was no longer considered a required step for a fulfilling life. Coontz’s theory can be applied to Indian scenario as well. Though marriage continues to play an important role, the tradition of arranged marriage is breaking down. Increasing number of people are choosing to marry for love rather than for religious, caste, family or economic reasons. Young educated men and women from conservative and traditional family moves to other cities in order to make their career. The office atmosphere especially in IT sector is such that romance blooms. These young people experience a lot of freedom. Sometimes parents would acquiesce and go with their children’s interest. After marriage, they are suddenly confronted with problems that come along with romance and relationship. They cannot count on their parents for emotional support and end up hitting a rough patch. Sometimes young couple's decision affront their obdurate parents and society. Such decisions can cause malaise and takes a life threatening turn. If love and marriage is across caste and community then young couples are killed too. To protect such couples from the wrath of their families, an organization named “Loved Commandos” have been doing noticeable work but acrimonious and ugly atmosphere refuse to go.
When we discuss about marriage, can subject of divorce be far behind? The answer is No. Let us see the current statistics of divorce rates, legal definition and ancient text teachings. In ancient times, there are so few instances of divorce that there was no defined word for divorce. Finally, when it happened, it occurred under extraordinary circumstances. If the spouse is impotent or have decided to renounce the world. Ancient text like Naradasmriti permit a woman to remarry only under mentioned two conditions. In 70’s, divorce rate barely touch 1 per cent. According to 2001 census figure, divorce rate is high as 7%. Recent national level figures are not available as divorce proceedings are dealt with at the state level. Had it been available, it seems like more than 7%. Traditionally two families have come closer to avoid divorce. The couples tried harder to adjust. Presently, due to financial independence and increase in confidence, women are no longer always ready to adjust. This is irrespective of whether a woman is distressed or not. According to Hindu Marriage Act, divorce in Hindu marriages are possible only when it fall under adultery, cruelty, renunciation of the world or change in relation. In an amendment, mutual consent between couples without the need to present faults was also included in the ambit of the marriage act. Changes in law too have speeded up divorce proceedings.
In movies especially of softcore or X-rated genre, outside the relationship casual flings and sexuality are common even when partners are in so-called committed relationship. It is just a movie, which can show any queer stuff. The bizarre contents cannot be a reality. If you agree then you need a reality check. We have been discussing about marriage. If we explore modern love in India then we find that two person can be in a relationship, live, and stay together, without getting married. The Supreme Court has legalized it and if consenting adults take such a decision then it is not considered a crime. Such news no longer astonish anybody. What can be considered as brazen is the fact that each partner explores his or her sexuality individually while maintaining one's marriage. Both the partners indulged in adultery in full cognizance and consent of each other. They keep their marriage intact for parents and society’s sake. Both follows the track of traditional marriage but suddenly they drift to enter into an undefined open marriage. They live a promiscuous life. They are not even resentful. The thrill of illicit romance is too alluring for them. The third most radical and hair-raising idea is swinger’s club. It is noticed in upper strata of the society. The couple not only indulge themselves in sexuality with each other but with other people as well, provided the couples are members of the club. Such clubs mushroomed in western world five decades ago and now it sees steady growth in India . It is still in embryonic stage.
The trade of accepting money in favor of sex also existed back in 300 CE. The temple sex workers formed an important part of religious and cultural life in India. They were well treated and respected. They also held a high social status in the society. Ancient texts such as Arthashatra, Buddhacharitra and Kamasutra narrates widely accepted positions that courtesans held in India. Arthashastra lays down the functions of the prostitutes during their active service and post retirement. Vatsyayana devoted an entire section to ganikas in Kamasutra. He states that it is the duty of men to indulge the ganika who were indispensable part in public function of the town and aristocracy. During the Mughal reign, the practices from Persia was seamlessly integrated into the practices of the ganikas. Rich and powerful nobles sponsored the courtesans known as tawaifs. They were connoisseurs of song and dance. They specialized in vocal forms such as ghazal and thumri, and dance forms like Kathak. They were prerogatives of rich and powerful. Common people could not even touch them. The downfall of ancient tradition of courtesan began during Indian Revolt of 1857, when it was discovered that many British soldiers were infected with venereal disease. The skillset involving music is no longer associated with women, who provides sexual services in return of money. You call these women prostitutes. The law of the land is peculiar. The trade is neither abolished nor legalized. Previously most girls came from lower strata of the society. They were either pushed into the trade forcefully or were driven by poverty. Now the scenario is changing. The low-end category is still in majority but around 40% are coming from upper classes who operates as call girls, bar girls and high-class prostitutes. Indian women also face a competition from foreign women, mostly coming from erstwhile Soviet Union and other East European countries. These girls look good, dress well, flirt expertly and titillate professionally. The rich and powerful are now avoiding low-end prostitutes and preferring foreign or English speaking women. The arena too is changing. It is shifting to farmhouse and five star hotel. The clients for these low-end prostitutes are coolie, rickshaw pullers and young boys who are barely into their teens. That does not mean their numbers are decreasing but one class of sexual worker is increasing at astronomical speed to keep up with the need of ever increasing sexual demands of men.
There have been sea changes in taste of Indians in the last decade. Whatever be the state of the economy, people are always getting married. The marriage business is never down. Apart from traditional ghataks, online marriage portals are connecting prospective bride and grooms like never before. For the moneyed people, marriage event was always a gala event and now there are multiple adds on. Friends and family members dance to hip-swinging sequence. Choreographers train them few days in advance. The wedding décor resembles Bollywood film set. As per the direction of photographers, the new couple pose like Bollywood actors. The videographers makes the wedding video look like a mini Bollywood film with all those songs and dances. Bollywood celebrities make nice profit by appearing in these events for few minutes. Bollywood has invaded every aspect of Indian wedding.
In the last few decades, Indian women have become astonishingly bold in their taste and to fulfill it, they go that extra mile. The sale of sex toys are illegal in the country. However, in the black market, the vibrators and dildos are much in demand. The surprises do not stop here. The products associated with other sexually active behavior are becoming popular as well. Vaginal beautification, which not only involve removal of hair but also decorating vagina with diamond crystal and other precious stones, have takers and getting popular. Laser hair removal parlours have become as common as beauty parlours. Women are spending a good amount of money on what they wear on bed. The organized lingerie market has trebled in the last ten years. When iconic brand Wonderbra was launched, all it’s prelaunch stock on display was sold out. What was the unit sold? It was one lac. The other online lingerie stores like Pretty Secrets and Zivame are gaining ground as well popularity in India.
The book brilliantly present the changing attitude towards love, sex and marriage in full. As part of her research, Ira Trivedi had travelled extensively in all metros and dozen other cities to get an impression of the changes that are taking place. What are the stimulus for these changes? The changes are directly proportional to technological, economic, political and legislative changes over the past decade that have provided people with plethora of choices, freedom and experiences. Technology in particular has been a game changer. This have broadened people's desire and aspirations as well as teased their imaginations. The present generation is exposed to romantic and sexualized culture. Before penning this book, the author had planned to see trends, collect statistic and then reached a conclusion. Every time, she tried to freeze a theory, something would pop up and dislodge it. As per Newton’s third law, every action has equal and opposite reaction. Likewise, during her research she found that for every truth, there was an equal and opposite untruth. The book is a revelation. This was an interesting and readable account. Apart from being an author, she is also a yoga expert. You can watch her videos in YouTube. I am smitten by her good looks and bitten by her writing bug. I am looking forward to her other books.
July 30, 2014
As a young Indian woman, I found this to be one of the most important books I've read in recent times. It may not be the best written book I've come across. It's not critically acclaimed or award-winning. And now, it has no provocative pictures or titillating content. But I must reiterate: It is one of the most IMPORTANT books I have read.
I say this because, chapter by painstaking chapter, Ira Trivedi addresses topics that unfortunately we don't discuss as openly as we should in India. Topics like sexuality, promiscuity, sex education, arranged marriage, love marriage, dating - and how our views on all of the above (and more) are rapidly changing from one generation to the next. It's a conversation starter in a country that thus far has insisted on keeping mum on these crucial topics, topics that affect millions of Indians every single day.
Trivedi builds her book on three key axes: research and statistics, interviews with experts or specialists in particular fields, and her own personal experiences. I started the book skeptical that hers would be a primarily urbane account of the subject - and to some degree, perhaps it is - but her discussions turned out to be more comprehensive and wide-ranging than I expected. I was continually impressed with the lengths she went to to tell this story; from approaching "massage" providers as a fake customer to get interviews with the girls providing the service, to visiting dance bars in old Delhi, to fraternizing with college students to learn more about their sexual preferences, there's little she didn't take on. I also thought she did a great job of highlighting the inherent duality and hypocrisy that our society carries around all matters sexual: On the one hand, it's in our history and religion; on the other, it's taboo and not to be discussed even among parents and their children.
What was most impressive, though, was how much ground Ira was able to cover. Her book covers light-hearted and serious matters alike, ranging from a comical experience of trying to buy sex toys in Connaught Place to disturbing accounts of young couples fleeing for their lives because they married outside their communities. In its pages, we're introduced to a variety of characters, from the poster-boy for gay rights in Mumbai to high-society matchmakers in Delhi to a live-in couple who just moved in together.
If there's one criticism I have of this book, it's that occasionally it's a little too long and detailed, and the narrative can get dull (surprising, given the raciness of some of the topics discussed). That said, the biggest accomplishment for me is that Ira Trivedi has been able to start a conversation, forcing us as readers to consider the inherent hypocrisy in our approach to sex and marriage as Indians, and urging us to be more transparent and honest with ourselves moving forward. It was a great read, and I'd strongly recommend it to any Indian who's interested in being better informed about our own country.
I say this because, chapter by painstaking chapter, Ira Trivedi addresses topics that unfortunately we don't discuss as openly as we should in India. Topics like sexuality, promiscuity, sex education, arranged marriage, love marriage, dating - and how our views on all of the above (and more) are rapidly changing from one generation to the next. It's a conversation starter in a country that thus far has insisted on keeping mum on these crucial topics, topics that affect millions of Indians every single day.
Trivedi builds her book on three key axes: research and statistics, interviews with experts or specialists in particular fields, and her own personal experiences. I started the book skeptical that hers would be a primarily urbane account of the subject - and to some degree, perhaps it is - but her discussions turned out to be more comprehensive and wide-ranging than I expected. I was continually impressed with the lengths she went to to tell this story; from approaching "massage" providers as a fake customer to get interviews with the girls providing the service, to visiting dance bars in old Delhi, to fraternizing with college students to learn more about their sexual preferences, there's little she didn't take on. I also thought she did a great job of highlighting the inherent duality and hypocrisy that our society carries around all matters sexual: On the one hand, it's in our history and religion; on the other, it's taboo and not to be discussed even among parents and their children.
What was most impressive, though, was how much ground Ira was able to cover. Her book covers light-hearted and serious matters alike, ranging from a comical experience of trying to buy sex toys in Connaught Place to disturbing accounts of young couples fleeing for their lives because they married outside their communities. In its pages, we're introduced to a variety of characters, from the poster-boy for gay rights in Mumbai to high-society matchmakers in Delhi to a live-in couple who just moved in together.
If there's one criticism I have of this book, it's that occasionally it's a little too long and detailed, and the narrative can get dull (surprising, given the raciness of some of the topics discussed). That said, the biggest accomplishment for me is that Ira Trivedi has been able to start a conversation, forcing us as readers to consider the inherent hypocrisy in our approach to sex and marriage as Indians, and urging us to be more transparent and honest with ourselves moving forward. It was a great read, and I'd strongly recommend it to any Indian who's interested in being better informed about our own country.
May 5, 2019
I don't know how mediocrity becomes bestseller.
First of all, there are no new insights. Whatever is etched in public memory is repeated. Exception is being shown as mainstream e.g. Nirbhaya Rape, Erotic sculpture on temples. Whatever is known by a common man is described in unnecessary details e.g. Matrimonial sites, arranged marriage and so on. She identifies the contradictions and schizophrenia in Indian psyche about sexuality but doesn't move beyond that. Added to it , her condescending attitude toward the subject she is broaching makes it bad read. Unnecessary judgemental descriptions about attire and mindset of Indians she is interviewing is there.
The topic is so much relevant and important, that she could have made it a great endeavour. If only she probed the Indian psyche more, it's confusions and the way it reconciles modernity and traditional. Instead she indulges in surface-level scratching of known-to-everyone factual details.
However, there are sporadic flashes of insights in some of the research work she cites, interviews and references to mythology.
First of all, there are no new insights. Whatever is etched in public memory is repeated. Exception is being shown as mainstream e.g. Nirbhaya Rape, Erotic sculpture on temples. Whatever is known by a common man is described in unnecessary details e.g. Matrimonial sites, arranged marriage and so on. She identifies the contradictions and schizophrenia in Indian psyche about sexuality but doesn't move beyond that. Added to it , her condescending attitude toward the subject she is broaching makes it bad read. Unnecessary judgemental descriptions about attire and mindset of Indians she is interviewing is there.
The topic is so much relevant and important, that she could have made it a great endeavour. If only she probed the Indian psyche more, it's confusions and the way it reconciles modernity and traditional. Instead she indulges in surface-level scratching of known-to-everyone factual details.
However, there are sporadic flashes of insights in some of the research work she cites, interviews and references to mythology.
March 4, 2015
This is the first book that I read read that deals with the theme as mentioned in the title. The title speaks for the book, the narrative style is really interesting. The topic which is important in the era where the globalisation, impact of IT and the social, cultural aspects that are changing with values, this book to me important to know the path of Indian society.
August 31, 2017
Utter waste of time...side step plz.
April 10, 2020
The amount of effort put in and research done is impressive. However, the book is not very strongly complimented with appropriate theory and in some sections lacks an intersectional approach. Moreover, the authors bias and privilege tends to overpower the narrative.
April 22, 2020
Well researched but painstakingly flat writing.
January 12, 2021
A fascinating insight into the culture of India, it's youth and attitude and perceptions about love and sex. I've lived in India for 13 years and thought I knew about and understood the culture but this book provided such an eye opening and fascinating insight that not only made sense but made me see the country and its people more accurately too. A must read.
June 1, 2014
A book which makes an earnest effort at understanding the love/sex revolution thats sweeping our country alongside the political and economic reforms. Some of the facts hit you so hard that it takes a while to comprehend this is happening not far away from where you are placed. A neat guide through the confusion that prevails in every liberated and not so liberated indian minds. A book which provides with a question for every answer you finally managed to conclude.
October 6, 2022
Some very interesting stuff covered in the first part of the book, but the pace meanders through the halfway mark and beyond.
April 23, 2018
This is my first book from Ira trivedi's books. I rate this 4.2/5. Really relationships in India is changed from [ marriage(arranged), sex and love ] to [ love,sex and (maybe) marriage ]. Though we cant accept that,this is a fact that we need to be accept.
Earlier we searched bride / bridegroom through brokers. Now it's changed to matrimonial sites. In other side love marriages are also increased. Some of the people who don't believe in marriages started to live in 'living together'. In 1980's doing love marriages are considered as crime. People never allows thier son/daughter to do the love marriage. But in the last ten years, this culture is changed.
In love, if it didn't work out they easily brokeup the relationships. This also comes to the marriage. No one wants to understand the meaning of marriage. Many of them thought that it's done for giving birth to a baby and making the baby to be best kid/ person in the world.
But it's not about sex, having a kid, make the kid to grown,a settled life,etc,. It's all about having a partner who should be with us in every hard time, to support us, to make a happy life, to give a meaning of the life. Many people never understand this concept and complaining about their life and ended with divorced.
This is book beautifully described about each and everything about marriages,love and sex. Some of the chapters of second part are boring and repeated. Other than that, the book is Good.
Earlier we searched bride / bridegroom through brokers. Now it's changed to matrimonial sites. In other side love marriages are also increased. Some of the people who don't believe in marriages started to live in 'living together'. In 1980's doing love marriages are considered as crime. People never allows thier son/daughter to do the love marriage. But in the last ten years, this culture is changed.
In love, if it didn't work out they easily brokeup the relationships. This also comes to the marriage. No one wants to understand the meaning of marriage. Many of them thought that it's done for giving birth to a baby and making the baby to be best kid/ person in the world.
But it's not about sex, having a kid, make the kid to grown,a settled life,etc,. It's all about having a partner who should be with us in every hard time, to support us, to make a happy life, to give a meaning of the life. Many people never understand this concept and complaining about their life and ended with divorced.
This is book beautifully described about each and everything about marriages,love and sex. Some of the chapters of second part are boring and repeated. Other than that, the book is Good.
May 31, 2019
Marriages are not what we used to think!
Sex is not what it used to be!
Sexuality is not how we used to perceive it!
Marriage are not just a institution, they are now a business which is also knows as "WEDDINGS". There are brokers, agents, aunties, uncles, bots and what not, who can find you your tailored list guy or girl. You just need to make a call or a click, and the profiles are delivered. There are also different versions of marriages- open marriages, live-in etc.
Sex is not what you do to make babies, it much more to today's millenial! It's need and want is not what it used to be! You can buy sex- all kind of it; rich, poor, high maintaineance, virgin etc. All varient is available in the market.
Just becasue we have ignore them till now it doesn't mean they don't exist. LGBT community is part of us, just they live under a cover.
Our society is changing, basis that our needs too and because of it our day-to-day demands. We say that our shift in society is influenced by West but this book will help you understand that all the changes were already there, now all of it is coming out together.
Sex is not what it used to be!
Sexuality is not how we used to perceive it!
Marriage are not just a institution, they are now a business which is also knows as "WEDDINGS". There are brokers, agents, aunties, uncles, bots and what not, who can find you your tailored list guy or girl. You just need to make a call or a click, and the profiles are delivered. There are also different versions of marriages- open marriages, live-in etc.
Sex is not what you do to make babies, it much more to today's millenial! It's need and want is not what it used to be! You can buy sex- all kind of it; rich, poor, high maintaineance, virgin etc. All varient is available in the market.
Just becasue we have ignore them till now it doesn't mean they don't exist. LGBT community is part of us, just they live under a cover.
Our society is changing, basis that our needs too and because of it our day-to-day demands. We say that our shift in society is influenced by West but this book will help you understand that all the changes were already there, now all of it is coming out together.
February 4, 2018
I found this book very easy to read and also very well researched. It gives you a good idea about what is happening currently in India, it explores the changes that have been happening in the country and what had made things the way they are now. It talks about how complex is this world that is constantly changing and how challenging can it be for a young Indian to live in beetwen this old traditions and the new ideas about love, marriage and sexuality. I recommend this book if you are interesent in understand the indian mindset a little bit better.
November 8, 2020
India in Love by Ira Trivedi is a wonderful representation of the sexual revolution that is taking place in the 21st century India. This book explores the changing dynamics of love, sex, marriage and dating patterns in urban India. This book is a perfect resource for anyone who wants to know about the sexual habits, various new relationship forms that are emerging or to understand marriage in general in the view of 21st century Indian urban young adults.
July 28, 2019
Some of the insights of this book are quite surprising. never knew to all this was happening just around me. It is a comprehensive survey and analysis of this topic from different parts of India. The writing style is quite flowing and the narrative retains the interest of reader over the various chapters
February 10, 2025
Great Read - though the book is over a decade old, most of the content is still very relevant and the author seems to have very accurately predicted the direction in which India and it's youth are headed in terms of their ideas of love, sex and marriage and how the past generations are coping up to it.
May 16, 2020
Books has a chapter "Kinky is Queer".
Which is a headache .It goes on and on the same subject.
Books title should have been named "LGBT rights in India"(I have nothing against them).
So ,that the readers are better informed.
Which is a headache .It goes on and on the same subject.
Books title should have been named "LGBT rights in India"(I have nothing against them).
So ,that the readers are better informed.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 25, 2018
Superbly, an informative read
Wow,never have come across such a book so well researched in "Sex and Love revolution" that is happening across in India..too fast too soon..
Wow,never have come across such a book so well researched in "Sex and Love revolution" that is happening across in India..too fast too soon..
November 5, 2018
Today's reality summarized perfectly
The author clearly did not write this lightly... There is a lot of research done over the years and the quality shows
The author clearly did not write this lightly... There is a lot of research done over the years and the quality shows
December 24, 2021
Fascinating account that can be a reflection years ahead, for the land of contrasts
July 18, 2023
Nicely written and records all the trends but maybe I was a bit late in reading it and also the trends and norms have changed too fast
Read
March 7, 2017A good effort by the author on a subject that was considered taboo in India.
December 14, 2016
An excellent read. This is an interesting book - the author researched it well using various channels. I admired her resourcefulness / ingenuity in connecting with diverse set of people who opened up to her to provide a view in to their unique situation / mindset. I also liked that she took the time to draw the bridge from old constructs to the new paradigms and highlighted the double standards inherent in the Indian middle class when it comes to marriage and gender
There were two areas that I felt could have been handled better. The information conveyed was purely anecdotal - it would have been useful to include statistics related to mobile usage, data from various sites (tinder, shaadi, etc.). Given the author's understanding of the subject, I think she could have derived some crucial inferences from this data.
The other area is more personal - many times while introducing actual participants the author's description of their appearance is mean even cruel. I have mixed feelings about this - on one hand it makes the author's voice seem like our own as we judge people in our head constantly. However for people who opened their lives and secrets to her it seems harsh to memorialize them in such a way. I noticed that she did it less when the subjects were educated and would probably read the book....or maybe I am reading too much in to this.
As a side note, as a single guy settled abroad it painted a depressing picture for finding a partner who is not conflicted. In this day and age there were never any guarantees on marriage, looks like there is no faith on their success as well :)
There were two areas that I felt could have been handled better. The information conveyed was purely anecdotal - it would have been useful to include statistics related to mobile usage, data from various sites (tinder, shaadi, etc.). Given the author's understanding of the subject, I think she could have derived some crucial inferences from this data.
The other area is more personal - many times while introducing actual participants the author's description of their appearance is mean even cruel. I have mixed feelings about this - on one hand it makes the author's voice seem like our own as we judge people in our head constantly. However for people who opened their lives and secrets to her it seems harsh to memorialize them in such a way. I noticed that she did it less when the subjects were educated and would probably read the book....or maybe I am reading too much in to this.
As a side note, as a single guy settled abroad it painted a depressing picture for finding a partner who is not conflicted. In this day and age there were never any guarantees on marriage, looks like there is no faith on their success as well :)
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