Lifesigns: Intimacy, Fecundity, and Ecstasy in Christian Perspective

by Henri J.M. Nouwen, Mona Mark (Illustrator)

Best-selling author Henri Nouwen shows how three of the most vital elements of human life offer Christians the essential key to a life filled with hope and love.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

Genres: Spirituality, Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Theology, Religion, Christianity

127 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1986

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Abby Agan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished this a while ago but forgot to review—such a sweet, simple, rich, and convicting book. It particularly struck me as a really practical and comforting response to depression & anxiety, inviting us out of the “house of fear” and into the “house of love” that Jesus makes free to the Christian. Will be revisiting this one.

[Davis Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perhaps a disappointedly slim tome, but it contains a number of lovely observations and is driven by a wonderful unity of focus that manages to be thoroughly inspirational and faith-kindling without a trace of mawkishness. Surely it must be one of the most effective books for a new or potential Christian to read, and even those steeped in the faith are likely to be moved by Nouwen's overflowingly beautiful vision. An extremely important book for our times, and one of those treasurable works that can seem to whiz its essence through your head in a moment while you are reading it, but which continues to worm its way into your soul for days afterward and begs for revisiting to glean every last sumptuous thought from its economical sentences.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went shopping on my shelf, and I found this little gem, a gift from a friend. Apparently I have read it before because I had some notes in the margin, but I didn't remember it, and so I jumped right in. Now there are more notes.

Henri Nouwen challenges those who seek Christ to reject fear, all the what-ifs that plague individuals, communities, and countries, and embrace Jesus' words in John 15: "Make your home in me, as I make my home in you." (intimacy) "Those who remain in me, with me in them, will bear fruit in plenty." (fedundity--I had to look it up) "I have told you this so that my own joy may be in you and your joy may be complete." (ecstasy)

Nouwen's analysis of this is graceful, acknowledging the difficulties of this world, but describing and shaping what a life in Christ is truly like. Not perfect, of course, but with meaning and love. Perfect love casts out fear.

This is the third book my Nouwen that I have read, and I have loved them all. I think I will see out more.

[Emma Beer · Rating 2 out of 5]

He expressed some pretty universalist-sounding views in a few of the chapters, and some chapters simply didn’t have a strong argument or totally line up. I will say that I liked how he talks about Christ as our home and how He makes His home in us in the chapters on intimacy.

[Mary Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book Nouwen challenges us to live in a House of Love instead of a House of Fear. Through intimacy, fruitfulness and ecstacy Nouwen shows us that we can move from fear to live the lives God planned for us. He used many illustrations from a community he lived in in France, living with mentally and physically challenged people. Intimacy is the willingness to open up and let our lives be connected with others. Fruitfulness describes our lives as productive and fresh. Ecstasy is living our lives filled with joy. The essays in this book focused a lot on looking at people as people, regardless of race, sex, income level and even religion. These two quotes were especially significant to me:

"An ecstatic life which ignores the "powers and principalities" eroding creative international relations becomes an escapist life. Though the forces of evil infecting whole nations and peoples are often hidden, complex, and elusive, we are called, as Christians, to unmask and expel them int e Name of the God of love". (p. 106)

"As the gap between the powerless and the powerful, the poor and the wealthy, the sick and the healthy grows wider, it becomes harder for us to see each other as brothers and sisters, children of a loving God who invites all of us to live in the house of love". (p. 107)

This book is easy to read and well worth your time.

[Singalongalong · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my start-of-the-year fasting & prayer meditations in a cabin out in the woods of a quaker retreat center. A very simple book, that dives into the basics of a deeply introspective life in Christ that radiates outward. Written during his days at l'Arche - 'an ark' for people living with disabilities - this book reads like an invitation into his personal meditations on how God's divine love uproots fear, which permeates and drives so much of our lives/society (as prevalent this year as ever); draws us near in solidarity with the poor in Spirit; and causes us to bear fruit and joy in ways that counter our productivity/anxiety addicted culture. I so needed this, at the start of another chaotic year of noise and national urgencies.

Just read it! It so elegantly captured both the peace and the drive I've wrestled for (tried to make sense of) in pursuing a life of faith&impact -- while providing a mirror into the surgical as well as the more gentle healing ways in which God's worked in my spiritual walk abroad.

[Alex Berryman · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is always a pleasure reading Henri Nouwen.

Lifesigns is a beautiful exploration of how to move from a place of fear to a place of love, and how that movement brings us more peace and closeness with God. There are many gems and nuggets of gold in this book - I practically copied half of it into my journal to keep for later (since I had to return it to its owner!) - but the biggest gem of all is how living in a place of love could transform our world in more ways we could imagine.

As a recovering politics major, I loved his exploration of how the presence of God and God's people could transform policy-making and global governance. If more people of God were in development, global affairs, international governance, etc., we could pursue a more peaceful world. Not to mention how God's grace could also transform domestic politics! An incredible revelation that I will be chewing on for some time.

[Kelsey Forkner · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Everything we read in the papers, hear on the radio, and see on television about the condition of the world seems to confirm the saying: 'homo homini lupus,' human beings are wolves to each other."

"They often experience themselves as useless appendices to a complex machine, the inner workings of which they do not understand. This is not only true for unemployed youth and retired elderly, but also for many who are quite busy in the factories and offices of our contemporary society. Being bored while being busy is an ominous symptom of this spiritual illness."

"The word 'school,' which comes from 'schola' (meaning: free time), reminds us that schools were originally meant to interrupt a busy existence and create some space to contemplate the mysteries of life."

"Gratitude presupposes a willingness to recognize our dependence on others and to receive their help and support."

[Jonah G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do we live in the house of fear or the house of love? This book shows us how many people live in the house of fear yet believe they aren't fearful. While I believe that the title might be a little long, Nouwen describes how to love while living in a dangerous world. Considering that he wrote and published this near the end of the Cold War, Nouwen had been able to see how much fear there was in the world, not to mention the fact that France (like the rest of Europe) seemed to be in the middle of a power struggle between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. yet couldn't do anything about it. A wonderful read for anyone and everyone.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Psychologist--Priest, Henri Nouwen is the author of 40 books on the spiritual life read widely by Catholics and Protestants. His book The Wounded Healer is required reading for psychotherapists. He taught at the Menninger Foundation, Yale, Harvard and in his last years shared his life with the developmentally disabled at the L'Arche Daybreak community (referring to Noah's ark) in Toronto, founded by Jean Vanier. Here he found in the small society of the handicapped a paradigm for a society governed by fear.

Vanier said to Henri Nouwen at a retreat, "Working with mentally handicapped people, I have come to recognize that all human beings, whatever their condition, are called to intimacy, fecundity, and ecstacy." Jesus refers to this holy triad in John 15 4-17: "Remain in me, and I will remain in you." (15:4) This certainly is an invitation to intimacy. "If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (15:5). This is a call to fecundity. "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." (15:11). Here we have ecstasy. In this book Nouwen shows how the relationship of these three Christian elements are essential to a life of love and hope.

Intimacy is a divine gift allowing us to transcend fearful distance as well as fearful closeness, and to experience a love before and beyond all human acceptance or rejection. The opposite side of the coin of intimacy is solidarity. We cannot claim intimacy with God if we ignore our fellow human beings. It becomes our task to strive toward harmony among all people thereby our "intimacy manifests itself as solidarity and solidarity as intimacy." (Nouwen, p. 45).

Ecstasy comes from the Greek work "ekstasis" where "ek" means out of and "stasis" means to stand still. Nouwen observes, "To be ecstatic literally means to be outside of a static place. Thus, those who live ecstatic lives are always moving away from rigidly fixed situations and exploring new, unmapped dimensions of reality. Joy is always new." (P.,,,,) We can have old pain, old grief, old sadness, but we cannot have old joy. Joy is not being happy with some passing pleasure, but an inner bubbling up which permeates the entire body.

The rarely used word, Fecundity, means fruitful but it is not to be confused with productivity. Students complain of too much homework, deadlines for papers, and preparation for tests. Interestingly, the word "school" comes from "schola" meaning free time. Schools were originally meant to interrupt a busy schedule and make time to contemplate the mysteries of life. Being fruitful I have to give up my defensive life and become vulnerable. When I realize that you and I share some weaknesses and can confess that with each other, then I am vulnerable. This levels the playing field. we have emphasized productivity to the point where competition rules, television advertisements must be adhered to (or you are not going to be good enough), making your quota, earning more money, buying more things and even in our most intimate and vulnerable moments we need to deliver

Nouwen writes much in this book about fear and how it governs our lives. Fear gives our power to act away to another person, a mob or a demagogic government. We echo the refrain "What if. . .?" Fear is a weapon we turn on ourselves. Fear reproduces itself, and like a muscle, gets stronger with use and its prodigy are anger, despair, depression, cruelty, isolation, destruction, and war. When St. John writes "Perfect love casts out all fear," he is talking of God's love. This love, this knowing, grows a feeling of belonging, a feeling of home. "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23)

If we can be disciplined in our spiritual life, we can come closer and closer to home. This involves intimacy with self (through solitude), knowing our Self, our shadows and listening to God. It is here, at home in God, that we can unmask and see through the illusions created by our fears. And finding this home reauires prayer: "Those who have made the prayer of the heart a daily practice come to experience it as a simple, yet beautiful way to their true home. It gradually leads us away from the house of fear and moves us closer to the house of love, God's house." (p..40)

Let me end with the word on one who knew fear and how through her life and work kept it at bay through her love and devotion to God. Ester "Etty" Hillesum was, like Nouwen, born in Holland. Before she and her family were murdered at Auschwitz, she kept a diary that was published posthumously. In it she wrote this prayer:

"Dear God, these are anxious times. Tonight for the first time I lay in the dark with burning eyes as scene after scene of human suffering passed before me. I shall promise You one thing, God, just one very small thing: I shall never burden my today with cares about my tomorrow. . ... I shall try to help You, God, to stop my strength from ebbing away . . . All that really matters is that we safeguard that little piece of You, God, in ourselves. .. . l. defend Your dwelling place inside us to the last. ... And there are those who want to put their bodies in safe keeping but who are nothing more now that a shelter for a thousand fears and bitter feelings. And they say, "I shan't let them get me into their clutches." But they forget that no one is in their clutches who is in Your arms." An Interrupted Life, New York: Pantheon, 1984, pp. 151-52).

[Madison Boboltz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for a book club and it was so refreshing! The only thing we noticed was that his comments about people with disabilities don’t really translate well today, but they were probably a step in the right direction considering the context in which he was writing. Overall though, this book was just what my spirit needed! It is all about overcoming fear while still in the midst of fear by realizing you are home in God’s love.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very relevant to our times even as an older publication. The author looks at life driven by fear versus life lived in love. Looking at three characteristics of a person's life - intimacy (a sense of belonging), fecundity (fruitfulness), ecstasy (complete joy) - Nouwen discusses how fear blocks and love builds these characteristics in our personal lives and in community life. This book lends itself well to small group discussion.

[Trevor Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I often feel grateful to get to read a new Henri Nouwen book. And sad when I finish one. While often he has a different way of saying the same thing in each of his books, I especially loved his reflections on moving from the house of fear towards accepting Jesus’ invitation into the house of love. He makes connections between the people with severe handicaps and the lessons that their lives offer those without such obvious needs. This is well worth adding to your list.

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written 32 years ago, this excellent book remains quite timely in our divided culture that seems so driven by fear. As I look at the political and social culture of the world in which we live, we need to be reminded that Christ is present with us in our fear and tells us to not be afraid. The messages countercultural, but then again so was Jesus.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't know quite what to expect when I started this book. I had read another of Nouwen's works earlier and had thusly picked this book up from a used book store when I had noticed it. I then promptly forgot about actually starting the book until recently.

This book was written before I was born but the topics addressed in the book are still very relevant to today.

[Brad Layland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good classic Nouwen book, but with everything that has come out about Jean Vanier I has a hard time reading the book due to Nouwen using Jean Vanier in so many positive examples. I know we are all broken, but it is hard when hero’s falls

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This just happened to be in the library of the place I was staying in Lindisfarne, England. I decided to read it because it intrigued me. It was a good read.

[Emily]

Not sure how I hadn't read this gem before, but perfect timing.

[Stephen Bedard · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is typical Henri Nouwen which means it was a thoughtful theological reflection. People live in fear even though they don't have to. Nouwen points us in a better direction.

[Joe Hancock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life altering. Top 10 of all time read books. Perfect timing in 2020 and to being the new year!

[Jake Moertl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen for the win, again.

[Brett Leyde · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic vision for the Christian life moving from fear to love. 10/10

[Alex Strohschein · Rating 3 out of 5]

Classic Nouwen - concise, simple, insightful, though if you’ve read a couple of his books you’ve basically read all of his books.

[Juan Callejas Aquino · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it! A very timely and necessary book for today.

[Dan Maynard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read in book club

[Madison · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a wonderful, convicting book. Nouwen goes through the concept of how so many Christians live more through death than through the life Christ has offered us. This book was particularly convicting for me, as Nouwen discusses how we live our lives through fear, and how fear destroys our ability to love other people well, our ability to grow spiritually and produce spiritual fruits, and our ability to have joy and ecstasy through Christ even in the face of pain and suffering.

The only reason this book lost a star for me is because of some whack theology. Despite Nouwen's beautiful spiritual truths, he takes much of it too far to the point of essentially supporting pacifism. The unfortunate thing about this book is that Nouwen seems to believe that if we are effectively sharing the love of Christ, then there will be a complete removal of war and social justice issues. This completely ignores the fact of human depravity, and the fact that not all will be saved. This particular aspect of the book is unrealistic (which he himself admits that many people will perceive it as such), and in my opinion unbiblical.

However, this part of the book is short and does not negate the importance of the other spiritual truths that he shares. Overall I think this short book is helpful for all Christians as we seek to truly live through Christ.

[Joe Iovino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do I live my life in the house of fear or the house of love? Nouwen offers great insight into the effects of fear in our lives, how we settle for the fear responses of closeness/distance rather than intimacy, productivity/sterility rather than fruitfulness, and routine/hedonism rather than joy.
I was deeply grateful for his application of these concepts on a macro level, addressing world issues. While the specific issues are dated, the concepts are not.
As one would expect with Nouwen, this is a powerful, insightful book that leads the reader in examination of his or her own life in a very accessible way.
(Well worth the 75 cents I paid at Goodwill!) :)

[Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is representative of late Henri Nouwen, after he began to live in the L'Arche community in Toronto. As a result, the influence of Jean Vanier is noticeable throughout as well as the familiar themes dealing with fear and intimacy which characterize much of Nouwen's writing. The stress on intimacy with God and others, the call to fecundity to encourage us to growth and ecstacy to bring us joy is central throughout and offers a hopeful message. The gentleness of the L'Arche experience is also central here and we can certainly see the changes this experience has on Nouwen in this book. I'm grateful for the hopefulness of this book and for its delving deeper into the heart.

[Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

As part of Advent, I read (or in some cases re-read) a Henri Nouwen book a week in preparation for Christmas. The first book I read was Lifesigns, which was a wonderful book that focused on three graces that we may receive from our lives, if pursued in a Christian manner: intimacy, fecundity (or fruitfulness), and ecstasy. The word choices are purposeful, for the emotions and thoughts that they evoke. In addition, throughout each grace is a playfulness in the ways each can contribute to our lives as Christians and its purpose in fulfilling Christ’s love in our lives.

[Becks · Rating 5 out of 5]

It appears I have many spiritual books on this list, hmmm.
This is one of the best Nouwen books I've read, which says a lot, since all of his books have rocked my world.