When the Balls Drop

by Brad Garrett

A refreshingly candid and wickedly funny look at life's second half from Everybody Loves Raymond TV sitcom star and comic Brad Garrett.

In this no-holds-barred book of comedic and personal essays, Brad Garrett waxes hilarious--and irreverently honest--about the gaffes, challenges, and ultimately the joys of middle age as he advises us on how to best approach the dreaded "second half" of life.

Ranging in topics from genetics to genitals, weight to women, and dating to diarrhea, Brad leaves no stone unturned in this laugh-out-loud look at getting older. With pieces such as "No Scales in Heaven," in which Brad points out the essential pointlessness of overthinking diet and exercise, and "Celebrating Your E.D. (erectile dysfunction) During Your Mid-Life Crisis," the star comedian encourages you to forget the overwhelming concerns that accompany middle age and to welcome the laughs--even if you have a fifty-fifty chance of throwing your back out in doing so.

Penned in Brad's signature witty, conversational, no-nonsense style that has cemented his status as an icon in the comedy industry, this autobiographical book will teach you the most important thing: that, no matter what, we're all in this together. So embrace it.

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Humor, Audiobook, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Autobiography

288 pages, Hardcover

First published May 5, 2015

About the author

Brad Garrett is an actor and stand-up comedian. He won three Emmy Awards for his popular role as Robert Barone on the long running sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. He exclusively performs at Brad Garrett's Comedy Club at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

Librarian’s note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[♛✨Christine ♛✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Did I enjoy this lovely and neat insight into Brad Garrett's life? HELL YES! It was so unbelievably realistic and fantastically funny!


I received this ARC via NetGalley for an honest review.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing to know what a misogynistic jerk this guy is.

[Gena DeBardelaben · Rating 3 out of 5]

ARC:Netgalley

I'm sort of disappointed in this book and I'm not sure why. It's your typical comedian memoir...somewhat dysfunctional childhood, start in the business, famous people they met/worked with, some questionable sexual memories, and self depreciation galore. Oh yeah...don't forget to sprinkle in some profanity. Can't be a comedian without the profanity, right?

I think I liked him more before I knew the size and shape of his penis...among other things.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being the same age as Brad Garrett, I could relate to some of his aging humor. Having never seen his stand-up style, I wasn't sure what to expect, but once I got used to it, I enjoyed his writing and acerbic wit throughout the book. He certainly has buckets full of stories I liked, from growing up, stand-up days with big name stars, and the tortures of dating and marriage, to the wonders of his "Raymond" years, and the thrill of fatherhood. But its mostly about the 2nd half of life we all face, how we should do so with more ease and hopefully grace.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

ARC for review.

I must begin my review my my oft-repeated disclaimer that books by comedians are almost always better on audio versus the printed page (exceptions include Jon Stewart's America and any book that relies largely on illustrations). So, would I have liked this book better in audio version? Perhaps. But not much, I think.

I only know Brad Garrett from "Everybody Loves Raymond," to my knowledge I've never seen his stand up or seen any other show he's on. I wasn't a huge "Raymond" fan, but I've seen enough episodes that I know who the characters are. Based on this book, part autobiography, part essays about middle age, Garret (nee Gerstenfeld) was born in 1960 in the Bronx, making him a mere ten years older than me. However, he seems SO much older. Lots of jokes about his small penis, about being Jewish, about being tall and unathletic, about how he turned to comedy to avoid being bullied - there's not a standard "my road to comedy" trope that Garrett doesn't use here. He cites Don Rickles as his gold standard, and you can definitely see that - and it's not that Rickles is a bad comedian, I would just argue that he's a comedian for another generation. And look at who he talks about opening for - Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis, Jr. Legends, certainly, but fading ones, even when Garrett was starting out.

Garrett has gotten some lucky breaks (met an agent early on, won "Star Search" and see above) but he also became a hardcore alcoholic. However, according to him, he just walked away and never touched it again, so there's not much of a rehabilitation story to be found here.

So, I'm trundling along reading this guy's not-too-memorable memoirs when it slaps me. Then again. Then againagainagain. Sure, he mentions pretty girls and the like, but then comes the line, "I feel grateful that my thirty-one year old girlfriend labors at the gym to keep her already great body in shape as I sit at home, writing this book and eating Fritos." Um, great. So, your girlfriend is twenty four years younger than you, but I guess that's not all that uncommon for Hollywood, so.....

But then I get to his description of meeting his wife, who was, at the time a cocktail waitress at a Las Vegas casino. This is the mother of his two children, two whom he dedicated the book. And, according to Garrett, "she smelled me coming a mile away." Note that he was no longer drinking at this point. I don't know that he ever uses the words "gold digger" but he makes his point clear and it's hard to respect someone who will treat the mother of his children so disrespectfully, as a "cocktail waitress from Pueblo" in such a public way. He's so very bitter about his divorce, or, really, the alimony he was forced to pay that he moves into a very painful comparison of a vagina to a credit card machine, with different variations depending on race. Yeah, I really hated this guy by the end.

There are some funny moments - on his first open mic night in L.A. he has the misfortune of going right after a new comic named Robin Williams, but Garrett needed to rid himself of some rancor through therapy before publishing this book. One of his children is a teenage girl named Hope. I hate the thought that she'll read these words someday.

[Carmen Blankenship · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh MY! That cover!! That title!! I was laughing before getting to the first page!

I have always enjoyed watching Brad Garrett on every show he has been on. His comic timing, his poise, and his facial expression never cease to draw a smile from my face. Who knew he could write? I was thrilled to receive an advanced copy of When the Balls Drop.

I am recommending this book everyone I know. He is so refreshingly honest and sincere while still making me laugh out. There are so many books for women that we can we call "middle aged" but no so many for men. I was fascinated and intrigued to be honest.

Not only did I have a blast reading it I actually feel I have a good understanding of what my husband will be or is going through.

Brad Garrett is a great soul and I am so glad he decided to write. He is a brave man. My husband doesn't read by he IS going to read this.

Great Book for women and men alike. DO NOT PASS THIS BUY.

Thank you Netgalley and Gallery, Threshold, Pocket Books for the advanced copy in exchange for this review.

[Rebekah Crain · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was always a huge fan of the show Everybody Loves Raymond, and on it Ray's brother Robert was always my favorite character. So, when the opportunity to review this book by Brad Garrett, the friendly giant who played Robert, came up I just couldn't resist. I'm so glad! This was a funny funny book written all about the ups and downs of being Jewish, being famous -or famous once upon a time at least, and growing old. Lots of humor at his own poor expense, but what can you expect from someone who has been in standup and comedy for a few decades. As even the author noted though, it is crass and frequently off color. So it certainly isn't for everyone.

Thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for the advanced review copy!

[Nikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I did not find When the Balls Drop to be a terribly written book, I was not an overall fan of the material. The very beginning was enjoyable, when Garrett seemed to somewhat drop the comedian role and talk earnestly about his current stage in life. Unfortunately from there I found he continually attempted to include "humorous" observations of people and situations rather than focusing on a memoir of his own life. I also found his style of humor off-putting, especially those in the realm of sexism and generally insulting comments. I also found much of his "advice" absolutely absurd and potentially destructive. Why should Brad Garrett even be giving advice? He admits to only having a high school education and having no actual expertise in medicine or health in general, yet he actively gives terrible advice. I think Garrett should have stuck to his memoir and left advice for people who know what they're talking about.

I would also like to know why vegans and veganism has become such fodder for jokes? Garrett speaks of "fanatical vegans" that won't eat honey or wear leather. Why yes, Garrett, vegans eschew all animal products, it's in the definition. And then he states that we should wear leather because the cow is already dead. While obviously this is an animal product and therefore avoided by vegans, I would also like to note that people should be concerned about wearing leather due to the chemicals it involves. Maybe people should live near a leather treatment facility and learn a thing or two. I also found the dichotomy between the fact that Garrett has a PETA hoodie and has done some work for them as far as I know and his ridiculous comments about vegans and animals in general annoying.

Garrett also states that he has never met a happy or healthy vegetarian. Oy. I imagine he is being hyperbolic but it needs to be said that many vegetarians have grudgingly become one for "health" reasons and therefore may have already been unhealthy and unhappy. Then there are the junk food vegetarians who eat like crap and still consume a great deal of cheese and milk, all of which contribute to terrible health.

Garrett also says not to worry about what you eat because it is doesn't matter. He states: "It's your genetics, stress, and DNA." Mmhmm. First of all, DNA and genetics need not be a separate thing here. Secondly, you're delusional if you think your food choices don't matter. How can anyone really buy that?

Overall Garrett promotes great apathy. Perhaps he was trying to be funny in these parts but it doesn't come across, it simply comes across as a bitter middle aged guy. He speaks of driving Priuses for global warming and how it doesn't matter because it won't help repair the ozone. Oy. While ozone holes and global warming do have some common ground, they are definitely not the same issue. He also is flippant when it comes to extinctions and states that most bugs don't matter because they're "scary" and not useful. Then he states: "Let's save the people first and then work our way down the food chain." 1) I do not understand where the humor in his statements can be found, he simply seemed to be getting on some sort of weird apathetic soap box. 2) The general population already knows little about these topics and he is spreading misinformation. 3) Bugs are vital to every ecosystem in which they are found, we humans would not be able to survive on this planet without those "scary" bugs. 4) If we focus on the humans the whole fucking planet is screwed.

I normally would not nitpick a comedian's memoir like this but Garrett too often wandered into the realm of acting like he actually knew something and wanted people to know. His apathy was also terrible and unfortunately represents how too many people feel.

Disclosure: ARC received from Netgalley & publisher in exchange for an honest review. (They may regret this.) Any and all quotes were taken from an advanced edition subject to change in the final edition.

[Mediaman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Garrett is an acquired taste--one that I never cared for. I saw him do stand-up at an event and he was extremely offensive and inappropriate. The book is just more of that. He goes to the extreme to offend people by saying things he's not supposed to say. But at the same time he has a few chapters where he makes some great points.

The best chapters deal with his feelings about women and divorce. He is spot-on and gives needed blunt advice. There are times he even comes across as a traditional conservative! Or at least a libertarian.

The worst chapters are where he offends pretty much every racial or ethnic group in the country by making intentionally offensive jokes. There are also way, way, way too many sexual comments that are completely unnecessary, such as the constant mention of his small manhood. And the chapters where he blathers on about his liberal political viewpoints, which may be explained by his lack of education and his willingness to believe simplistic media talking points. By the time he pushes for euthanasia he just seems like a very sad person. Even though his Jewish father became a very vocal Christian later in life, and a couple of his best friends were Christian pastors, Garrett doesn't seem to have faith in much of anything.

If you're looking for a lot of detail about his TV shows then don't get the book--there's pretty much nothing in it about his series. How could he have spent so many years on a top TV sitcom and barely mention what went on during that time?

The best thing I can say is that unlike most books from comedians where you're not sure if what they're writing is just a joke, Garrett is pretty clear about his feelings about all sorts of subjects and makes the humor obvious through off-handed throw-away comments. The problem is that his type of crass humor isn't usually funny, and that he's too quick to pass judgment on things he really knows very little about. His ignorance and insecurities show through clearly, which detracts from some of the good points he makes. He should take himself more seriously and then we would too.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advanced reader copy as a goodreads firstreads winner of "When the Balls Drop" by Brad Garrett. I am a big fan of the tv show, "Everybody Loves Raymond" He was good as Robert in the show. this humorous book is about getting to middle age. Brad Garrett just turned 55 this year. This book reads kind of like "short stories of his life and outlook on life" the author started out as a stand up comic. He has even worked in Las Vegas opening for Frank Sinatra.He focuses on many subjects such as growing up Jewish, what it is like to be tall throughout his life,His family.Riding in a jet at his height.
mr. Garrett has quite the sense of humor. I think if you read the title of this book, you may have guessed his humor tends to be on the raunchy side at times. I did find myself laughing out loud at some of the topics, he can be a funny guy. I did get a bit tired of the jokes aimed at the male genitals. At times his humor can be a bit offensive. But if you like this kind of humor the reader may find this book fun to read. I did like the book for the most part. there were some very funny subjects and since I am around the same age I can relate to { a females side of course} I was also a bit disappointed that he did not talk more about the nine years he spent doing Everybody Loves Raymond.there was only one chapter devoted to that. I would give this book a 3.5. Glad I got the chance to read this book.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to Brad Garrett on audiobook. I enjoyed the first half of the book. Brad described his childhood and early career as a stand-up comedian with humor and self-deprecation. It was great to hear his stories about working in Las Vegas as an opener with Sammy Davis, Jr. and Frank Sinatra. It was wonderful to be able to hear him in the voice of Don Rickles, Bill Cosby and Frank Sinatra. I also enjoyed listening to his stories about working on the set of Everyone Loves Raymond. So I would give the first half 4 solid stars.

Then, he began talking about the difficulty of middle age from the male perspective, which was fine until he described dating for middle-aged men. The options, as he described them, are narrowed down to three categories: widows, divorcees and "never beens." The "never beens" are women who have never been married. Then, he ranted about air travel in a way that I found lacked humor because he was focusing on how great it was in the past when the stewardesses were young and attractive. He went on some more about travel in general and how great it is to sleep in your own bed. Then his ranting turned to global warming. Although his rant sounded very similar to my own rants on this topic, I didn't find it entertaining. He wrapped up by talking about how we should appreciate life and that was that. Two faded, disappointed stars for the second half.

[Freda Mans-Labianca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!
Having watched, Everybody Loves Raymond, I was already a fan but really didn't know anything else about Brad Garrett. This character was it. Reading the memoir, I've learned how long he has been in the business, and he actually started in stand-up comedy.
Brad states that he wrote this book so others could discover things in themselves. Specifically middle-aged men. I can't relate to that other than having a middle-aged hubby, but I did learn quite a bit about Brad and men in general and what makes then hit that crisis. Y'know, the middle-aged one where they usually do crazy things like buy a sports car. I also learned that Brad comes from a very loving family, even he treasures being a father above all else. Quite an admirable trait.
This is definitely a fun read, whether you're a fan or not. His perspective on life is funny and refreshing. It is so worth the read.

[Louis · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I realize that comics poke fun at themselves and others, this book seemed so negative that I just could not take it. Kept hoping so I finished the rather short book bit....I give it one star for the few funny lines I did enjoy. I'd say about 3 to 5 percent of the book was funny.

Every now and then he would hint that he was trying to help men as they age but all he did was complain about everything and use that as justification that anything you want, you should do.

Disappointing as I liked him in the Raymond series and in Till Death. But this....just disappointing.

[Bridget · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn't the targeted audience for this book, middle aged men would be the target audience. But it was entertaining.

[Libby · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oy. I may be the biggest Everybody Loves Raymond (and therefore Robert Barone ) fan on Earth. With trepidation I started this book. You don't want Robert to be a jerk, ya know? For the first half, all is well. Brad Garrett is a writer, as are all stand-ups. That is their gig. And he writes warmly and honestly, about his life as a preternaturally tall Jewish kid, with a bipolar dad, and his insecurity, and his fascinating early career as opening act in Vegas for Rat Pack superstars, and then one chapter (one!? chapter?) about Everybody Loves Raymond. Dude won 3 Emmys! He says NOTHING about that, by the way.
After this chapter. ..of the book and maybe, I fear, of his life... things slide downhill. The warmth and honesty are replaced with savage and unfunny, rambling, stream of consciousness anger. Some sadly representative quotes: " "Stewardesses have been replaced by a lower inexpensive, unattractive species known as...Sky Hag," a a whole chapter on "Why Fame Sucks," and "My point is, I'm a dick." Alright then. Allow me to join the stream of people edging backwards out the door as you rant, Brad.

[Randee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like many other people, I enjoyed Everybody Loves Raymond and Brad Garrett as Robert was my favorite character. I think he did a first rate job with the part and when I think of my favorite episodes or gags, Robert was always front and center.

I never saw him do stand up so I have no idea if he was good, bad or average. He certainly talks in a manner reminiscent of 'the rat pack' and I think he really had a deep admiration for Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., etc.

The book was entertaining and I'm glad I read it, but I a bit sadly realize that in real life I would not like Brad Garrett much. Too much macho, too much of that smarmy Vegas phony vibe, very clear he has a lot of baggage and does not really like women. Not that any of it matters. He's never going to live next door to me or marry a family member where I would have to make nice .

If you like him as an entertainer, you will have a few chuckles and it is an easy read and short. I think every person on the planet has an autobiography in them with the right editing, so I am never sorry I read them even when I feel disappointed by the people they are.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

At first, this was funny but I soon found his humor to be a bit offensive, mainly because he seems to be a bit of a misogynistic jerk (for the record, he does admit to being a "dick"). It may be that he exaggerates for comedic effect but at times he went a little too far. For example, here are his lines about the lack of airline "stewardesses": "Stewardesses have been corporately extinct and replaced by a lower, inexpensive, unattractive species known as the "flight attendant or "Sky Hag." ... They're usually postmenopausal heifers battling dementia who seem to juggle anger management and control issues brilliantly." [Quote is from published edition.]

Read it if you're a big fan and aren't bothered by over-the-top offensive humor, but if looking for enjoyable memoirs by comedians, readers would be better served by reading Tim Conway's WHAT'S SO FUNNY, Billy Crystal's STILL FOOLIN' 'EM, and/or Martin Short's I MUST SAY.

Thanks to the publisher for the advance digital reading copy.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I understand when celebrities write stories of other more famous celebrities they meet and/or work with. But Brad Garrett’s book is more than that. I don’t if it is because I am also a fifty-something man myself, but I found this book to be laugh-out-loud hilarious. He hits topics like religion, growing up, relationships, working, flying, politics, children and so much more. There is some slight serious tones but he always ends it with a comedic flair that had me rolling most of the time. I understand where he is coming from and wish I was that funny!

[Jillyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've always loved the show Everybody Loves Raymond. I watched it all the time growing up, and I recently fell in love with it all over again, since all of the seasons are currently streaming on Netflix. Garrett's character, Robert, is my favorite on that show. So, when I came across this memoir, I figured I'd give it a shot. Overall, it's a pretty entertaining read.

What I didn't expect was his sense of humor. I only really know him from his two sitcoms, Everybody Loves Raymond and 'Til Death, and maybe a few spots on talk shows like The Talk. He is way edgier and funnier than I expected. He's pretty racy, and often makes racial and sexual jokes. I honestly didn't expect that! It made me laugh, but sometimes I thought it went too far or got too personal. Comedy is subjective, so I'm sure not everyone else will think so. He's pretty blunt and honest, and in some sections this really worked, but others not so much.

I will say that I recommend "reading" this on audiobook instead of an ebook or paperback. Garrett has a tremendously recognizable voice. Whether you know him from the sitcoms, or things like Finding Nemo, Ratatouille, or Night at the Museum, when his voice comes on screen you know it's him. I think a lot of the comedy is lost in not being able to hear him say it himself. Recently, I had this same problem with comedian Jim Gaffigan's book Dad is Fat too.

This is a pretty solid book. It's a fairly fast read and gives interesting insight into his life. I would recommend the audio version so you can truly appreciate jokes that otherwise fall a bit flat. If sex or bad language offends you, you might want to read the memoir of a different comedian. Fans of his stand-up or acting should give it a go.

I received a copy in exchange for my honest review. This review can also be found on my blog, Bitches n Prose.

[Schuyler Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brad Garrett is a funny guy who seems obsessed with the ailments that attack old men. And he’s not that old. But apparently his indolent lifestyle, and might I add insolent outlook, has colored his thinking and his writing to dull shades of gray.

That’s not to say he writes in a boring fashion. Not at all. His hilarious book, “When the Balls Drop,” named, appropriately, after another affliction enjoyed by old men, is a politically incorrect, irreverent, disrespectful, and smart-alecky charmer. He calls it as he sees it.

Not everyone will appreciate his facetious observations but I found them sidesplitting. Okay, I know. I’ve skewered other writers for similar books but Garrett gives the impression of having really thought out his eruptions and doesn’t seem to have a commercial bone in his body. He seems to say, “Here I am with it all hanging out and I really don’t give a s--- if you read about it or not.”

The current trends of nonsensical diet and exercise, fascination with ED, political buffoonery, scramble for the consumer dollar, celebrity bluster, racial stereotyping and defensiveness, and sham religious piety are all under attack from the author’s whimsical point of view.

Brad Garrett is occupying my side of the mirror and I’m enjoying the view. I join him in imploring this up-tight world to let it hang out a little.

[Yvonne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always loved Brad Garrett on the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond. When I saw this available through NetGalley, I had to request it. Then, I saw the audio version at my library and I absolutely had to borrow it. This is the type of book I had to hear in Garrett’s own words and in his own voice. I’m so glad I did.


Some of his humor is off-color and it’s more geared towards men than women, but he had me laughing in the car. He’s so funny and there are no holds barred with him. He talks about everything. He's open and honest about his problems with alcohol, the women in his life, and his love of his children. He adores being a father.


I was surprised to learn that he was the opening act for Frank Sinatra way back when. His stories about those days are enjoyable to listen to. I couldn’t get enough of them. I wish there were more about his Everybody Loves Raymond days, but he did touch on it in this book. Mainly, this is a book that talks to middle-aged men and everything they go through. I couldn’t identify with that, but I did giggle at his humor.


Warning: If foul language and profanity aren't your thing, you should not read or listen to this one. If it doesn't bother you, then you should check it out for several hours of fun.

[Felicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I am a huge fan of Everybody Loves Raymond and ‘Til Death, so I was stoked to be able to read Brad Garrett’s book.

I found When the Balls Drop to be hilarious and realistic. I thought Garrett presented all the triumphs and pitfalls as we age in a humorous way. I’m nowhere near middle age, but I still found his stories appealing and entertaining to read.

I will say I don’t think this book will be for everyone. Garrett has a crude, not politically correct kind of attitude. He appears to be very straight forward. You will read about his feelings on aging, youth, and his many conquests without filter. Do I agree with everything he said? No. Do I hold that against him? No. Because I did enjoy getting his insight, and found the book to be amusing.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read.

[Ellen Pilch · Rating 3 out of 5]

I used to like Brad Garrett as Robert on Everybody Loves Raymond. I should have left it at that and not read this book. I am not repulsed by this guy. He claims not to be bitter about losing money to his ex, but he sure seems it to me.
There are a couple pages where he explains the ways he tries to get his dog to stop eating her poop. He covers it with different things like tabasco sauce with no luck. Why doesn't he just scoop the poop before she can eat it?
I don't like the derogatory remarks he makes about women in general. I usually side with the man and feel women get a free ride in many situations involving children, but I was even annoyed.
I gave the book 3 stars because I did get a few chuckles, but overall this is not a nice man.

[Zac Stojcevski · Rating 5 out of 5]

During a rather difficult week this was a breath of fresh air. I read this book in audiobook format: with Brad Garrett himself narrating. It was like being at a 12 standup comedy routine, dying to go to the bathroom, but holding on just in case you missed out on the next warped or overly honest insight that this giant of a man would throw in your face. I made the error of listening to this book at the gymnasium. With my headphones on and on a piece of equipment I would break out into random and prolonged periods of loud laughter. If you choose to listen to or read this book and you do not like attention to yourself being drawn please read in a quiet and secluded place. Oh Brad, I'm glad!

[Julie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this book up on a whim from the New Books shelf at the library. I almost quit reading after the foreward. It seemed to be a rather graphic book about getting older. But I decided to give it a chance. The first half of the book was an interesting memoir. I didn't know that Brad had won Star Search and was an opening act for Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis among others. But then the book took another turn. It became a long vulgar, nasty rant. Maybe he can pull this off in his stand-up act, but it wasn't funny here. I am sorry I read this book.

[Mary Corwin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Rambling ranting disconnected.

The women are all broads trying to get your money and you might well use theirvaginas to slide your credit card through. Brad is proudly pictured in blackface. brad rantsALL l females are looking for security and ALL men are looking for excitement pages and pages of that.

[Sonia Reppe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really funny, LOL. There's not much about his time on Everybody Loves Raymond, but that's Ok; the paragraph about Patricia Heaton was hilarious. He goes on some hilarious rants (like about airlines), but first and foremost makes fun of himself, which is how a true humorous memoir should be.

[Jeff Koskinen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an entertaining and irreverent take on life from a very funny guy. While he surely goes over the line of what some “Everybody Loves Raymond” fans thought they were getting into, he has a very self-aware and honest approach that had me laughing out loud throughout the book. For example, I am a vegan and he goes after vegans with a lot of the points that drive me crazy and I completely disagree with, but it’s all good in the end as I don’t get the sense that he takes himself too seriously. He is a comedian and it is funny.

Very quick and easy book to read as well.

[Jenni V. · Rating 2 out of 5]

A low 2 stars.

Oof, when it starts off with this quote about how he wants to be treated after dying: being "cremated and sprinkled in with "Love My Carpet" in the "Pardon my Pet" scent, and then vacuumed up by an illegal Filipino in a sundress. That's right, illegal. Because that adds to the danger. Don't judge me yet. You have many more chapters to do that"...you know you're in for a rough ride.

There is lots of penis talk and he even gives a detailed description of his own. Maybe this is my fault because I didn't take the book title literally?

I learned his changed his name from Brad Gerstenfeld, and there was a fun behind-the-scenes story about Peter Boyle's terrible flatulence and the discomfort it caused while waiting to enter scenes (and who knew John Lennon was best man at Peter's wedding?).

The thing I came for, the comedy, was what I hated; it wasn't funny or edgy, it was just bitter and offensive. What brought it up to a 2 star rating for me were the surprise insights. It was strange because it was so crude but then so incredibly insightful and introspective about any artist's struggle with sobriety (if they found success while high, would they be as good sober?), or when he talked about his nonprofit organization Maximum Hope which provides "immediate practical assistant to families who are caring for a child with a life-limiting illness".

You want to be a great dad? Stop talking shit about their mom. You want to be a great role model? Stop talking shit about women in general. One of the more infuriating quotes: "A woman will cost you more than any drug addiction, gambling binge, real estate debacle, or frivolous lawsuit. You will lose your mind if she wants you to, along with all your lettuce. That's why the vagina is shaped like that, so you can swipe your credit card. One stop shopping for eternity. If she's Jewish, swipe once and wait for approval. Asian, swipe it sideways, backside up. Mexican, you'll need two forms of ID. If she's from the South, make sure it doesn't eat your card. If it does, do not put your dick in there! That's right, I said it."

I find this incredibly ironic to read in a memoir "As you can probably tell, I try not to live in the past or the distant future. I'm a big believer in moving on, and I find reminiscing pathetic, a silly pastime reserved for the elderly as they muddle through dementia, waiting for the bimonthly visit from their ungrateful bastard of a son, stroking a stuffed cat that they think is real."

A Few Quotes from the Book
"As stated earlier, I am a pessimistic optimist, or what I like to call a "pissed-omist". This is a person who has lived long enough to know not to expect much from most people or life in general, but still allows him-or herself the hope that somewhere under all the horseshit there may possibly be a pony."

"You can "live right", "pray right", and "do right", but there are no guarantees. Ultimately, you have to live right for you. As in get your eyes off the clock, get off your ass, and do something good for yourself and the people around you who have your back. And keep swingin', baby."

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[Michelle Arredondo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I saw the cover of When the Balls Drop and I just had to have it. If you were ever a fan of Everybody Loves Raymond then you'd totally want this book because it's by Brad Garrett about Brad Garrett. And if I'm being honest, maybe everybody loved Raymond but I for one can say that I loved Robert way more!!

For starters let's comment about that cover....AMAZING!! It makes the book funny from the start. Just right in our face...of his face cover. From that you can tell it's gonna be funny..even if you don't know who Brad Garrett is (which by the way I don't even know how that's possible to not know who he is..not only has he done so much acting but his voice alone has been lent to many great animated stuff).

And now for all the content inside... Ok so I only gave the book 3 stars. but let me be clear, I just give the star rating because most review sites have the star rating and I just use it as a starting point to my further thoughts and insight. Still, I expect peeps to read on to what I think. So 3 stars...I suppose that means that I found it less than satisfactory or just average. Partly true...but not exactly. I loved reading about Mr. Garrett. It was an interesting read as far as that is concerned. I love his humor. I've read others mention "crass"...well I can handle crass. I love crass humor. Did I find it that crass in a good way??...at times. At other times I felt like he was trying too hard at making us readers laugh. I mean could we have done without all the penis stuff?? (maybe he could have held back just a bit). But again, I love crass and am not easily offended so it was okay with me. But again I at times found it a bit too reaching...then again that could totally be the way he is in real life and it's just kinda threw me for a loop. I certainly think more of him now besides being that cooky guy on a corny family sitcom or that amazingly recognizable iconic voice on such great children animations that he has been a part of...(I will always think of him whenever I hear about Finding Nemo. Awwww...Bloat!!). He does cut deep when he is talking about his fellow cast mates..always interesting to read some juicy behind the scenes tidbits. Could it have come off disrespectful at times...maybe. That all depends on your feelings on that "crass" way of putting things. But I can def see how many fans of his would be put off by it. However, these are his words...he is entitled to say it like he lived it and I can certainly respect that.

Good or bad or just in-between I always recommend you get the book. Why?? because these are just my opinions and if you read it for yourself you may take a far different experience from it so why deny yourself that possibility?? That would be ridiculous. For me it was good...not great but still glad that I read it and own my very own copy (I don't mind looking at that cooky face looking back at me from my bookshelf).

Thanks to Brad Garrett, Gallery Books, and the peeps at goodreads for giving me the opportunity to win this book..totally free..in exchange for an honest review to which I gladly and voluntarily gave!!