The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It

by Helene Lerner

Not only do we need more female leaders at the top, but we need more women at all levels of business, government, and nonprofits to step up—there’s no time to waste. The problem, says Helene Lerner, isn’t so much that women lack confidence but that they misunderstand what confidence really is.

True confidence isn’t fearlessness; it’s having the courage to jump in even when your knees are shaking. Any woman who waits until she feels 100 percent confident before offering a big idea or asking for a raise or promotion will never get anywhere. Drawing on her own and other female leaders’ experiences, as well as on her survey of over 500 working women, Lerner lays out practical strategies for beating this confidence myth and overcoming obstacles like gender bias. The book features dozens of Confidence Sparks, simple but powerful exercises and techniques that can catapult anyone’s career to the next level.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Professional Development, Audiobook

144 pages, Paperback

First published February 2, 2015

About the author

Public television host, Emmy Award winning executive producer, and workplace consultant, Helene Lerner has covered a wide array of women’s issues, including relationships, self-esteem, breaking barriers, and work-life balance.

Reviews

[Kristen Rudd]

I read the first two chapters and just skimmed over the rest. Nothing groundbreaking here, and I don't need this book. I do think I undervalue my skills, but I don't exactly have a lack of confidence problem.

I think I'll stick with the Brene Browns on my nightstand.

[Natalie Mangrum · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book's value really depends on your personality. If you're naturally assertive and feel confident in your ability to command a room or situation, you may not find these suggestions useful. I appreciate the author's intent to empower women, and I did walk away with some things to chew on, but it wasn't life changing.

[Bigsna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sounded very promising by its title, but a very breezy and avoidable book. Contains very generalised and typical "gyaan" about learning to say no, power dressing, speaking up in meetings, aiming higher, delivering results and doing what needs to be done despite the fear. Also very many anecdotal snippets from women CEOs/COOs.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick, fun read with helpful reminders.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have read other books covering topics on women in the workplace, you may like this book. If you haven't, then this one might be too brief and could even feel overly optimistic. The main thing I liked about it is the length, it is short enough to read in one sitting. However, most of the anecdotes are from women who have achieved seniority in their careers. In some cases, they are offered opportunities or new jobs in their organisations and they struggle with self doubt. The book then talks about how they overcame that. There is little advice however for those who are starting out or in some mid career stage where they aren't being offered opportunities for advancement. In that sense the book is lacking. There are many references to the popular "Lean In" book by Sheryl Sandberg, and sometimes it feels like a rehashing of the same stuff. I did like the section on identifying mentors and sponsors. All in all, this is good as a quick reference guide or to use in discussions.

[Kaleena Rheeya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. While it is a short read, I spotted numerous things (both positive and negative) that I do in the work place. This book is a great starting place for any woman interested in building self-confidence or who want to think deeper about their social relations. I am already passing the book around to fellow coworkers who are also interested in self-improvement. I hope that a workbook (either physical and/or digital) gets developed in the future which will allow interested readers the opportunity to track goals related to the book.

*Book provided to me in exchange for review.

[Wendy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for a book that was helpful for women to build confidence in themselves in a more general business sense - thinking more in terms of your own business. This book is focused on moving up the ladder in the company you work for. Some of the advice crosses over, but not much.

[Lori Yvette Fernandez Lopez · Rating 2 out of 5]

This felt like MLM hype to me. It might be because much of this advice is only applicable in the cooperate world, which is not my field. I did not connect with this very well and think that not all of the advice in this book is realistic.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short read, with some good tips and good examples. A bit too full of "positivity" in places, if you take those paragraphs with a grain of salt, it remains a valuable read.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is definitely a book for someone who is in a competitive work environment. I thought it was a book on gaining confidence in everyday life not just at work. I did come across some positive quotes that I love to see.

[Hannah Lehmann · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn’t finish it. The advice seemed generic and repetitive at best and very outdated. Stopped when the focus shifted on dress.

[J · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an actually interesting book in the concept of approaching what most people are coming to recognize that to be bold you need to be just a bit afraid before stepping out whether at home or in the workplace. I liked the various chapters for they seemed to be relevant to the concept and the tips given to those who are reading the book.

What made this book irrelevant to me was the fact that the workplace they were talking about was big office work and not a common job that some of us have. I work in call center where favoritism rules and it is those favorites that are groomed for higher positions then given them before an application deadline is sent to the rest of the center. Since we are an outsourced company who answers to another call center, our corporate center, most of our upper management isn't in a spot where we can reach or try to contact them for mentors or sponsorships although they do have that type of program at the corporate center.

Altogether it makes for a great small handbook that can be looked back upon and a beginner's guide for those who are seeking upper management. Short, easy-to-read and to understand it will be a book that you may want to pass onto your overly ambitious friend if you choose not to keep it for yourself.

**Received this book for free in exchange for a review**

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually find a book valuable if I can take away a few good nuggets, but there were so many in this book that I feel it warrants a reread. Helene Lerner did a masterful job weaving in the voices of other contemporary career women who made bold decisions despite feeling shaky.

The different voices made it feel like I had a panel of smart women on hand, ready to dispense valuable career advice—and it couldn't have come at a better time. On the brink of making a big change and at the crossroads of a major career junction myself, I found myself deconstructing my decision and second guessing my initial choice. There have definitely been shaky moments, but the advice about trusting intuition from women who have navigated similar situations was reassuring.

This book is more than just a collection of anecdotes and advice—there's research and exercises to help you think through different scenarios. A worthy read to keep on the shelf—valuable for any stage of your career.

[Margot Note]

"Fear is actually an inherent part of stepping out in a new way. Too many of us wait until we feel comfortable that all of our skills line up before we make a move, and as a result, we miss out on the big breaks needed to advance our careers" (2).

"Reaching a higher level is often an uphill battle, but shying away from the challenge deprives others of our valuable insights. We can no longer wait on the sidelines. My call to action is not just for the leaders at the top but for all of us: if you are not making a difference and you know you can, step up" (4).

"Act as if you can do it and you will be able to. Remember our new take on confidence: acknowledging fear and moving forward anyway" (98).

[Suzanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

The premise of this book is that it's a practical tool kit. Unfortunately it fails. It's a collection of anecdotes, feel-good exhortations and some exercises. The problem is that there are a lot of topics that are skimmed through without really tackling them in a way that people can truly learn and grow. I think my biggest disappointment is that I actually believe that Helene Lerner knows what she is talking about but this book doesn't do her expertise justice. It comes across as hastily written to take advantage of the trend in books focused on the inner confidence of women (Lean In, The Confidence Code, etc).

[Rita · Rating 2 out of 5]

I grabbed this from the library because the cover put me in hysterics. (need confidence? "Get over it!" is that how this works??)

the book is a nice short guide to strategies and thought patterns that can boost confidence, but just vague enough to be somewhat useless. I still don't really know how to "get over it!" but if you're totally new to being an adulting lady, this book is an ok start and would hopefully lead to bigger better books (and more pushy post it notes?)

[RACHEL · Rating 3 out of 5]

“The Confidence Myth” is a brief look at how women can navigate the workplace, tendencies that get in the way and simple means of putting yourself forward. While it focuses on the workplace, the tips are practical enough that they fit into life more broadly as well.

My copy is a gift from Goodreads First Reads.

[B. · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was alright. Nothing that I didn't already know. Too short to really dive into her topic like she needed to. More like a "Sparknotes" version on Confidence in the workplace. Actual reading material is less than 100 pages (finish reading by page 90something) so this is a read that can be completed in one setting.

[Christibutterfly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book just rips off ideas from several others and misses the more powerful points from them, honestly. You're better off reading The Confidence Code, Lean In, etc that she quotes from throughout the book instead.

[Linda Tapp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast read with some very good advice for women just starting out and for those later in their careers. Most of it applies to women in traditional workplaces though so if you do not have that work environment parts will not apply.

[Prerna Jallepalli · Rating 1 out of 5]

Its not a great book! The author has put in lot of emphasis on "don'ts" rather than "do's".
The things author tried to say were general stuff which is not necessary only for woman, its rather applicable for every person who has low confidence level.

[Samantha Hines · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of good tips but not much theory/factual info behind it. Based on a very non-scientific survey conducted by the author.

[Jennifer Legate]

Great info - very insighful.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it interesting and a quick read. The substance and anecdotes were fun, but not necessarily research based. Lean In and other similarly-themed books hit the mark a little better.