The Unshaming Way: A Compassionate Guide to Dismantling Shame--Heal from trauma, unlearn self-blame, and reclaim your story

by David Bedrick, A'rese Emokpae (narrator), North Atlantic Books (publisher)

“In this astute work, David Bedrick provides a deep investigation of shame, the most debilitating of our mind states, and offers a workable, practice-based, and accessible path to divesting ourselves from it.”—Gabor Maté, MD, New York Times best-selling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

An empowering, stigma-free approach to dismantling shame—a trauma-informed guide to restoring our authentic self

Shame affects us all…often in ways we might not expect.

Author, mental health expert, and professor David Bedrick helps us understand how shame shows up—and offers a revolutionary, stigma-free model to help us unshame and release its hold on our happiness.

Shame is more than feeling guilty, sad, or responsible. It develops when we experience a trauma but can’t access the tools or freedom to express how we feel—or are denied the ability to ask for the care we need. It shows up when we aren’t witnessed—whether by a loved one, our community, our culture, or anyone from whom we need to whatever happened to you, these parts of you that you think are unlovable or wrong—you’re not broken. I see you.

Bedrick helps listeners bring shame out of the shadows, inviting us to get to know it and listen to its wisdom without minimizing our traumas or pathologizing our experiences. He helps us move from seeing shame as a feeling toward holding it as an internal viewpoint—and offers us practical tools and exercises to dismantle the narratives that hold us back from living our lives whole, free, and in alignment with our most authentic selves.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Personal Development, Nonfiction

Audible Audio

Published November 26, 2024

About the author

David Bedrick, JD, Dipl. PW, is a teacher, counselor, and attorney. He grew up in a family marked by violence. While his father’s brutality was physical and verbal, his mother’s denial and gaslighting had its own covert power. This formative context introduced David early to the etiology of shame and instilled an urge to unshame.

Professionally, he was on the faculty for the University of Phoenix and the Process Work Institute in the U.S. and Poland and is the founder of the Santa Fe Institute for Shame-based Studies where he trains therapists, coaches and healers and offers workshops for individuals to further their own personal development.

David writes for Psychology Today and is the author of three books: Talking Back to Dr. Phil:Alternatives to Mainstream Psychology, Revisioning Activism: Bringing Depth, Dialogue, and Diversity to Individual and Social Change and You Can’t Judge a Body by Its Cover: 17 Women’s Stories of Hunger, Body Shame and Redemption.

The Unshaming Way, published by North Atlantic books is now available in print, Kindle, and audiobook.

Reviews

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a big fan of Brené Brown, Gabor Maté, and Peter Levine but there’s something DIFFERENT about David Bedrick and how he approaches shame - it is PROFOUND and that’s the only way I can think to describe it. I’ve read a LOT on the topics of trauma, shame, self help, and psychology. I haven’t seen anyone approach these topics in such a compassionate, beautiful, rational, earth-based, and embodied way. As this book unravels shame and leans into Unshaming I had the sensation of deep knowing - as if I’ve previously dreamed of his words and this work, but had forgotten them, drifting from me in my waking. Reading this book is like a homecoming unto oneself - a beautiful exploration of our understanding of ourselves, our relationships to shame, and REAL, TANGIBLE methods of exploring our shame. This is a book that I will come back to again and again and again for its wisdom. Highly recommend.

[Carlie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the ebook in exchange for an honest review.

Good book. Lots of information, good exercises, stories, examples, explanations. Useful for the future and one to come back to every once in a while.

[Jen J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This beautiful book will inspire my parenting, relationships, self awareness and especially my future therapy practice. Removing the lens of shame is such a clear, compassionate message to all of us.

[Radoslav · Rating 5 out of 5]

another great piece of puzzle into better world füll of love.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book in just over a week, I couldn't put it down. I got so many insights in every chapter and since then I feel like my eyes are opening to a whole new world. Brilliant while also so heart-centered and moving.

I couldn't get past the Acknowledgments without crying, the author's words are so full of beauty, love, humility, and gratitude. When have you ever read an Acknowledgments that moved you to tears? I haven't.

I've learned so much about what shame really means—that it's not just inner (or outer) criticism, but a way we witness ourselves and the things that happen to us. It is the way we see ourselves as if there is something wrong with us or that we don't matter. That alone is priceless.

However, this book goes way beyond the author's theory and ideas about shame. The chapters cover topics that are bound to address multiple parts of any reader's life: how shame affects inner criticism, shaming of our feelings, how shame impacts our ability to make boundaries, how it contributes to our addictions, body shame, how shame turns abuse into trauma, and how shame relates to systems of oppression. There is something for everyone here.

The book also contains many practical exercises so readers can work through their own shame. The author also includes excerpts from client sessions. It's like being a fly on the wall. Such rich learning, being able to really see unshaming work in action. Really drives the ideas home and grounds them in real life.

This is a book I will come back to again and again.

[Tiffany Frenette · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Unshaming Way is a powerful and transformative guide to understanding shame and reclaiming self-compassion. David Bedrick’s wisdom has profoundly impacted how I see myself, parent my children, and connect with others.

He says, “the seed of unshaming is loving.” These words became a mantra for me as I worked through the book’s teachings. Bedrick’s approach helped me shift from judging my body and emotions to embracing them as wise messengers. I’ve learned to witness myself with kindness, grace, and a level of compassion I never thought possible.

This is not just a book—it’s a guide to return to whenever life feels overwhelming or self-doubt creeps in. Its insights stay with you, gently urging you toward deeper understanding and healing.

If you are seeking a path to self-acceptance, improved relationships, or greater inner peace and self-love, The Unshaming Way is an essential read. Thank you, David Bedrick, for offering this life-changing work to the world—it has brought me home to myself in the most profound way.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bedrick does a fantastic job at explaining the emotion and concept of shame, how it manifests, the impact it has on our mind, body and heart, and further explains how to dismantle and heal from it's debilitating grasp. I'm a sucker for someone who gets it; someone who not only understands their own trauma but can identify and hold space for another going through something similar. Many gold nuggets in this book! The compassionate witness, the wisdom in the shame, and that no trauma is greater or bigger than another - that concept in an of itself is a shameful lens. Read this book! We all have shame and everyone can benefit from Bedrick's insight.

[Kira K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. There are some great exercises that are clearly marked which are great to help apply the learning to my own experiences and challenge my own shame. It covers a lot of topics relating to shame and is helpful to combat personal experiences of shame and start improving our self-love and self-esteem. The author refers to having personal experience which helps readers feel less alone and the chapters are broken up in an easily digestible way.

[Asha Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Bedrick is a powerful shaman of these modern times, helping us to unwind from the harmful narratives and systems at play.

This book is a prayer to my heart and all of the parts of us that have been oppressed and marginalized. My hope is that all the helpers of the world read this so that the wave of unshaming continues to weave through the globe.

[Antonia Marrero · Rating 5 out of 5]

This profound book explores the territory between self-actualization and social responsibility. Rather than pathologize unhappiness, anguish, depression, and dysfunction, David Bedrick redefines what healing means. Maybe healing is more about curiosity and imagination than respectability and acceptance. Maybe healing is more about being aware of injustice than accepting inhumane conventions. Why accept abuse? Why accept fascism? Why accept billionaires who enact eugenic agendas whilst avoiding paying their fair share of taxes? Accepting the status quo is great if you're in the top 1% but for the rest of us, revolution is the path. How does "UnShaming" advance the kindness model of community, the fairness model of governance, the nonviolent revolution? A person who is living with shame cannot accurately perceive their own power, or their beauty, or their own potential for influence. The UnShaming Model catalyzes an unfolding of personhood, a celebration of uniqueness, and a respect for difference. The UnShaming Model nourishes cultural activism and personal vitality. I recommend this to anyone who buckles under the weight of shame and yearns to create a biophilic lifestyle.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some beautiful advice, but took me awhile to get through this based on the flow of the information shared and randomness of topics and stories.

The advice complements my understanding of internal family systems (IFS)/parts or inner child work.

[Kate Henderson · Rating 1 out of 5]

What was this book?
What was I supposed to get from reading? No idea - it just felt so waffly.

The writing was incredibly dense, and I didn't feel that there was a particular point to it.
Struggled to get through this book to be honest.

Didn't enjoy it at all!

[Elizabeth Arena · Rating 5 out of 5]

life changing

This book is pure genius. It speaks to hurt, truth, love and healing on a deep level. The world and all of us need this genius and kindness in our lives. Having worked with David and his colleagues in live courses in the past, I eagerly awaited this book and it did not disappoint.

This book and its applications are life changing. Run, don't walk and get reading today!

[Cait · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such helpful language and an approach to being with the voice and feeling of shame within yourself. A helpful guide for those taking radical responsibility for their story, experience and ability to experience joy in their lives.