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Ten Ways to Find Love... and How to Keep It
A guide to romance in the digital world.
Everyone is looking for love … but the search for love in the twenty-first century is fraught with obstacles (not least among them pandemics), uncertainties (does romantic love really exist, and if it does, are we worthy of it?) and contradictions (the popularity of dating apps versus our cynicism about them).
Although modern society and media have sold us the fairytale of that one big, romantic love–chemistry, sparks, passion–the majority of people don't think a big love can be discovered on dating apps. Which is a shame, since so many of us find ourselves on them! Sure, you can find a hook-up, but that person needs to be announced by some sort of special, face-to-face, meet-cute experience.
Complicating the issue is our consumer culture's fixation on the disposable and the new. When it comes to finding love, many of us become stuck in a cycle of looking for the next, even better relationship. Ironically, while we're on this quest for romantic novelty, we may also be craving long-term partnerships, feeling like failures if we don't achieve them. But then again … the stuff that makes up these long-term partnerships doesn't look like fun–it looks more like work.
How can we reconcile these conflicting desires?
A media commentator, podcaster and academic, with a PhD in dating apps and intimacy, Dr Lisa Portolan has conducted hundreds of interviews and surveys over many years on the question of what love looks like in the digital age. Here she draws on her findings to present strategies to help you navigate the complexities of real-world relationships in order to achieve–and maintain–a successful, committed partnership. Case studies are woven throughout, authentic voices representing all aspects of the seeking, finding and keeping of love.
And what is the most profound lesson to be drawn from this incisive, compassionate, often humorous handbook? Ultimately, the pursuit of love is not just about finding a soulmate–it's about becoming a better version of ourselves in the process.
Everyone is looking for love … but the search for love in the twenty-first century is fraught with obstacles (not least among them pandemics), uncertainties (does romantic love really exist, and if it does, are we worthy of it?) and contradictions (the popularity of dating apps versus our cynicism about them).
Although modern society and media have sold us the fairytale of that one big, romantic love–chemistry, sparks, passion–the majority of people don't think a big love can be discovered on dating apps. Which is a shame, since so many of us find ourselves on them! Sure, you can find a hook-up, but that person needs to be announced by some sort of special, face-to-face, meet-cute experience.
Complicating the issue is our consumer culture's fixation on the disposable and the new. When it comes to finding love, many of us become stuck in a cycle of looking for the next, even better relationship. Ironically, while we're on this quest for romantic novelty, we may also be craving long-term partnerships, feeling like failures if we don't achieve them. But then again … the stuff that makes up these long-term partnerships doesn't look like fun–it looks more like work.
How can we reconcile these conflicting desires?
A media commentator, podcaster and academic, with a PhD in dating apps and intimacy, Dr Lisa Portolan has conducted hundreds of interviews and surveys over many years on the question of what love looks like in the digital age. Here she draws on her findings to present strategies to help you navigate the complexities of real-world relationships in order to achieve–and maintain–a successful, committed partnership. Case studies are woven throughout, authentic voices representing all aspects of the seeking, finding and keeping of love.
And what is the most profound lesson to be drawn from this incisive, compassionate, often humorous handbook? Ultimately, the pursuit of love is not just about finding a soulmate–it's about becoming a better version of ourselves in the process.
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Published February 4, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
March 20, 2025
I'm probably not the best person to review Ten Ways to Find Love as I've been married for 40 years and the dating scene has changed a lot since I met my husband. However, the "How to Keep It" part may be of interest to those in relationships AND those looking for love.
Dr Lisa Portolan has a PhD that relates to dating apps and how intimacy is navigated and negotiated through digital landscapes. This makes me think that Lisa is well equipped to write a thought provoking book on love.
The book is written in two parts with part one being Ten Ways to Find Love.
I agreed with Lisa's 10 key headings, they all seemed pretty straightforward. However when she gets into case studies it's all about hook-ups, fakeness online and unrealistic expectations. It's little wonder people can't find a real lasting relationship.
Part two is ten ways to keep love. Again with ten key headings.
Part two also includes case studies and quotes from people who have been in long term relationships.
Although I didn't really find anything to connect with in this thought provoking book I think it will be of interest to readers who enjoy self-help books.
Dr Lisa Portolan has a PhD that relates to dating apps and how intimacy is navigated and negotiated through digital landscapes. This makes me think that Lisa is well equipped to write a thought provoking book on love.
The book is written in two parts with part one being Ten Ways to Find Love.
I agreed with Lisa's 10 key headings, they all seemed pretty straightforward. However when she gets into case studies it's all about hook-ups, fakeness online and unrealistic expectations. It's little wonder people can't find a real lasting relationship.
Part two is ten ways to keep love. Again with ten key headings.
Part two also includes case studies and quotes from people who have been in long term relationships.
Although I didn't really find anything to connect with in this thought provoking book I think it will be of interest to readers who enjoy self-help books.
February 4, 2025
Dr Lisa Portolan has studied dating apps to consider the question “..why do we think love is a requirement for a life well-lived?” It looks like a self help book but is actually a condensed version of interviews, focus groups and other research that constituted her doctoral thesis. It is an easily digestible guide, offering 10 ways to find love and another 10 on how to keep it. Some of the findings are predictable, but some are quite unexpected.
Although the obvious targets for this book are people who use, or plan to use, dating sites, it is also valuable for those who want to make sense of the social norms of modern courtship. For those already in long term relationships, it is a great opportunity to reflect and realise that there is still plenty of room to improve.
See the full review at: https://www.queenslandreviewerscollec...
Although the obvious targets for this book are people who use, or plan to use, dating sites, it is also valuable for those who want to make sense of the social norms of modern courtship. For those already in long term relationships, it is a great opportunity to reflect and realise that there is still plenty of room to improve.
See the full review at: https://www.queenslandreviewerscollec...
March 30, 2025
A Grounding Read for Modern Dating, But Not Life Changing.
"10 Ways to Find Love and How to Keep It" is an insightful book backed by solid research. The author, a PhD in dating apps and intimacy, clearly knows what she is talking about. She presents real life examples from people in her study, offering a broad spectrum of dating experiences across different ages and expectations.
While this diversity makes it interesting, it also means that many of the experiences may not feel entirely relatable. However, it does highlight logical and often overlooked aspects of dating ,things that can be easy to forget in today’s fast-paced, instant gratification dating culture.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by modern dating, this book serves as a good reminder to ground yourself. It won’t necessarily change your life, but it provides a useful perspective for those actively seeking a relationship.
"10 Ways to Find Love and How to Keep It" is an insightful book backed by solid research. The author, a PhD in dating apps and intimacy, clearly knows what she is talking about. She presents real life examples from people in her study, offering a broad spectrum of dating experiences across different ages and expectations.
While this diversity makes it interesting, it also means that many of the experiences may not feel entirely relatable. However, it does highlight logical and often overlooked aspects of dating ,things that can be easy to forget in today’s fast-paced, instant gratification dating culture.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by modern dating, this book serves as a good reminder to ground yourself. It won’t necessarily change your life, but it provides a useful perspective for those actively seeking a relationship.
February 13, 2025
Well in a world of swipe left or swipe right it’s very different to dating and forming loving relationships than 30 years ago. This is deconstructed and sectioned out with interesting case studies. I have never heard of half of the dating apps but to hear of the main core things people use them for or the experiences they have had in this rather digital world really opened up new thinking and ideas. Not having used or tried any of the online dating apps before this gave me insight. At the end of the date people still seek and need the 10 things outlined to maintain what would be a lasting relationship. Not my normal pick but very glad I had the opportunity to read this thanks to Echo Publishing Australia.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews