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Pure Desire: How One Man's Triumph Can Help Others Break Free From Sexual Temptation
Hope and Healing to Break Free From Sexual Addiction
There is a battle going on. Millions of victims are trapped in the struggle of sexual addiction with no apparent way out. "Pure Desire" is the answer to this desperate cry for help from men and women who have tried to build sexual holiness into their lives and failed...and failed...and failed. This book is also for the shattered souls of mates who are puzzled, shamed, and wounded by their husband's or wife's sexual bondage and secret life. And, this book is for the Church to come alongside those who have come to them for help.
Here is hope for establishing healthy personal boundaries with proven, practical applications to claim Christ's healing power and presence, perhaps for the first time. If you, someone you love, or someone you are counseling struggles with sexual addiction, "Pure Desire "is an anchor amid rough waters and the offer of a new appreciation for Christ's healing power and presence. The time is now to begin walking in victory and help others to do the same. Learn how to tackle this issue with confidence, clarity, and biblical perspective.
There is a battle going on. Millions of victims are trapped in the struggle of sexual addiction with no apparent way out. "Pure Desire" is the answer to this desperate cry for help from men and women who have tried to build sexual holiness into their lives and failed...and failed...and failed. This book is also for the shattered souls of mates who are puzzled, shamed, and wounded by their husband's or wife's sexual bondage and secret life. And, this book is for the Church to come alongside those who have come to them for help.
Here is hope for establishing healthy personal boundaries with proven, practical applications to claim Christ's healing power and presence, perhaps for the first time. If you, someone you love, or someone you are counseling struggles with sexual addiction, "Pure Desire "is an anchor amid rough waters and the offer of a new appreciation for Christ's healing power and presence. The time is now to begin walking in victory and help others to do the same. Learn how to tackle this issue with confidence, clarity, and biblical perspective.
320 pages, Paperback
First published March 31, 1999
212 people are currently reading
397 people want to read
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April 11, 2021Have unwanted sexual behavior in your life? Tendencies or addictions you don't quite understand? read this book, find a friend to talk with this about and see what the Lord may reveal. Trust me, God is kind. We just need to learn to be kind to ourselves too and approach our brokenness with grace, not shame.
August 21, 2022
Roberts writes about how to address sexual addiction from a Biblical perspective. He explores underlying emotional problems, past traumas, and deeper personal issues that are at the root of any dependency. Afterwards, the book examines the importance of vision and the very real possibility of recovery that is found in Christ.
4.8/5
"Leadership must be characterized by personal honesty that is open and forthright about their own struggles, yet at the same time able to speak from personal experience of the overwhelming victory available in Christ." (pg. 42)
"There is no greater prison than the one people find themselves in when they love Christ with all their hearts, but are slowly choking to death as the noose strangles the spiritual life out of them." (pg. 46)
"We need to be honest about our struggles and bold about our victories. Victories without struggles put us on a ridiculous religious pedestal. Struggles without victories make us communicators of heaviness instead of hope." (pg. 58)
"The phenomenon of cross-addiction illustrates the critical truth that sexual addiction and sexual bondage are not so much about sex as about coping with the pain within. Just focusing on getting the individual to change his behavior on the outside, to become a "good Christian", can cause the problem to resurface somewhere else." (pg. 68)
"We are as sick as the secrets we hold." (pg. 71)
"God's most powerful weapon, grace, has been cast aside in our efforts to be spiritually pure. The modern-day Pharisee who focuses on avoiding sin is still focused on sin. In fact, he is little different from the person who is consumed by sin. Both are obsessed with sin - one to avoid it, the other to live in it." (pg. 88-89)
"Any day in which I didn't tell God, my wife, and my kids that I loved them was a wasted day." (pg. 91)
"One of the major differences between a man and a boy is that a man is willing to live a life of delayed gratification, because he has committed himself to a higher calling." (pg. 98)
"I don't think Paul ever had a midlife crisis. When we realize we're going to live forever, there is no such thing as a midlife crisis." (pg. 175)
"Because of my love for Christ, I would never go back to flying, and not because I didn't want to. My soul yearned to go back, but I could no longer serve Christ solely by flying or being in a cockpit. I was responding to a much more profound vision in my life than flying combat aircraft." (pg. 177)
"We need to understand the emotional issues and battles behind the scenes that create the fracturing in the first place... Impatience is the first issue that brings emotional impurity resulting in a loss of integrity... Few things frustrate us more than having God place us on "hold."... Waiting is one of God's greatest tools for our growth... Character development, or integrity, starts with patience... We haven't really learned to live until we've learned to wait." (pg. 210-213)
"Anything that comes into our lives, whether positive or negative, has been allowed by God for His purposes - if we've honestly said yes to God." (pg. 214)
"If we want to understand our God-given calling, we must first look at our frustrations. What are we frustrated with that we know could be better? What bothers us about our present situation that doesn't just involve our comfort, but the needs of others?" (pg. 215)
"Lord, all I really want to do is follow You; therefore, I can't fail. I have absolutely nothing to lose." (pg. 219)
"When we serve God and try to get others to affirm us at the same time, we end up playing games, hiding from God and not even realizing it." (pg. 248)
"Churches deeply reflect the character of their pastors." (pg. 255)
"Ephesians 5:25-26 says, ''Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word" (NASB). This passage proclaims that the husband will literally have to lay his life down for his wife so that she can be cleansed. The wife defines what that is to look like." (pg. 287)
4.8/5
"Leadership must be characterized by personal honesty that is open and forthright about their own struggles, yet at the same time able to speak from personal experience of the overwhelming victory available in Christ." (pg. 42)
"There is no greater prison than the one people find themselves in when they love Christ with all their hearts, but are slowly choking to death as the noose strangles the spiritual life out of them." (pg. 46)
"We need to be honest about our struggles and bold about our victories. Victories without struggles put us on a ridiculous religious pedestal. Struggles without victories make us communicators of heaviness instead of hope." (pg. 58)
"The phenomenon of cross-addiction illustrates the critical truth that sexual addiction and sexual bondage are not so much about sex as about coping with the pain within. Just focusing on getting the individual to change his behavior on the outside, to become a "good Christian", can cause the problem to resurface somewhere else." (pg. 68)
"We are as sick as the secrets we hold." (pg. 71)
"God's most powerful weapon, grace, has been cast aside in our efforts to be spiritually pure. The modern-day Pharisee who focuses on avoiding sin is still focused on sin. In fact, he is little different from the person who is consumed by sin. Both are obsessed with sin - one to avoid it, the other to live in it." (pg. 88-89)
"Any day in which I didn't tell God, my wife, and my kids that I loved them was a wasted day." (pg. 91)
"One of the major differences between a man and a boy is that a man is willing to live a life of delayed gratification, because he has committed himself to a higher calling." (pg. 98)
"I don't think Paul ever had a midlife crisis. When we realize we're going to live forever, there is no such thing as a midlife crisis." (pg. 175)
"Because of my love for Christ, I would never go back to flying, and not because I didn't want to. My soul yearned to go back, but I could no longer serve Christ solely by flying or being in a cockpit. I was responding to a much more profound vision in my life than flying combat aircraft." (pg. 177)
"We need to understand the emotional issues and battles behind the scenes that create the fracturing in the first place... Impatience is the first issue that brings emotional impurity resulting in a loss of integrity... Few things frustrate us more than having God place us on "hold."... Waiting is one of God's greatest tools for our growth... Character development, or integrity, starts with patience... We haven't really learned to live until we've learned to wait." (pg. 210-213)
"Anything that comes into our lives, whether positive or negative, has been allowed by God for His purposes - if we've honestly said yes to God." (pg. 214)
"If we want to understand our God-given calling, we must first look at our frustrations. What are we frustrated with that we know could be better? What bothers us about our present situation that doesn't just involve our comfort, but the needs of others?" (pg. 215)
"Lord, all I really want to do is follow You; therefore, I can't fail. I have absolutely nothing to lose." (pg. 219)
"When we serve God and try to get others to affirm us at the same time, we end up playing games, hiding from God and not even realizing it." (pg. 248)
"Churches deeply reflect the character of their pastors." (pg. 255)
"Ephesians 5:25-26 says, ''Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word" (NASB). This passage proclaims that the husband will literally have to lay his life down for his wife so that she can be cleansed. The wife defines what that is to look like." (pg. 287)
June 2, 2023
Listened to this on audible!
Excellent listen! Touches on subjects that are hard, frustrating, and challenging with well thought out examples, processes and solutions!
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is trying to find joy and separation from the life destroying habits that is sexual addiction of any form!
Excellent listen! Touches on subjects that are hard, frustrating, and challenging with well thought out examples, processes and solutions!
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is trying to find joy and separation from the life destroying habits that is sexual addiction of any form!
July 18, 2017
This book is a straight forward no holds barred account of men's sexual addiction, its cause and its remedy. The author (Roberts) provides a clinical and biblical explanation of the sources of sexual addiction including the struggles and challenges men face in dealing with the problem. Roberts also gives some alarming statistics on the number of men who face this addiction today in our society and around the world. The underlining premise of this book is that sexual addiction is a coping mechanism to deal with past family dysfunction, personal trauma or the influences of our addictive society. In fact Robert claims that a vast majority of men who struggle with sexual addiction have experienced fatherly abandonment in their childhood.
Roberts also provides stories from his own experiences and the testimonies of other men who have struggled with this form of entrapment. Finally Roberts concludes that although books, support groups and even scripture has some merit in helping a person from this addiction, only God's grace through the Holy Spirit can gain victory in this addiction.
Roberts' wife writes a section from the 'women's point of view' that helps to complete the overall picture of sexual addiction and the destruction and hurt it can cause within the family.
Although the first several chapters were hard to become interested in, by the time I was halfway through the book I realized it was worth reading.
This book is the basis for Ted Roberts' DVD series "The Conquest" which is a twelve session series about sexual addiction. We are teaching this series at our Adult & Teen Challenge Center for men.
Roberts also provides stories from his own experiences and the testimonies of other men who have struggled with this form of entrapment. Finally Roberts concludes that although books, support groups and even scripture has some merit in helping a person from this addiction, only God's grace through the Holy Spirit can gain victory in this addiction.
Roberts' wife writes a section from the 'women's point of view' that helps to complete the overall picture of sexual addiction and the destruction and hurt it can cause within the family.
Although the first several chapters were hard to become interested in, by the time I was halfway through the book I realized it was worth reading.
This book is the basis for Ted Roberts' DVD series "The Conquest" which is a twelve session series about sexual addiction. We are teaching this series at our Adult & Teen Challenge Center for men.
March 17, 2018
“Pure Desire: Helping People Break Free from Sexual Struggles” is a good book to help men caught in Satan’s schemes of sexual bondage. I will caution up front, if you are not interested in reading about the importance of Jesus Christ as a major factor in one’s recovery from sexual sin, then this book is not for you. Dr. Ted Roberts does a good job of showing that sexual struggles are not just a religious problem where one needs to pray more and try harder. He also shows that sexual struggles are also not just merely a psychological issue where one needs to identify past hurts, and identify triggers for relapse. Instead, Dr. Roberts presents a combined approach – he explains sexual bondage is not just about sex, but about self-medicating hurts, and he combines that with Biblical help to understand why men can get caught up in this lifestyle and feel helpless to escape (see Romans 7:14-25. Overcoming sexual struggles will take God’s help, support from others, and a desire for purity more than the desire to enjoy the pleasures that sexual sins offer.
I view this book as more supplemental information for men in recovery than as being a true how-to guide. If you are looking for more direct help, I recommend Dr. Robert’s Conquer Series classes (see https://conquerseries.com). You can find online and in-person courses, and these will provide the practical steps to help men break free from sexual struggles.
I view this book as more supplemental information for men in recovery than as being a true how-to guide. If you are looking for more direct help, I recommend Dr. Robert’s Conquer Series classes (see https://conquerseries.com). You can find online and in-person courses, and these will provide the practical steps to help men break free from sexual struggles.
September 28, 2025
This book is a noble effort to guide pastors and church leaders through the process of helping people get out of sexual addiction. I found it to be fine. There are some pretty good insights here, and this book might be a helpful primer to help leaders think about this issue with a lot of care, love, and grace. The advice never boils down to "try harder", "pray harder", "love God more", or anything trite like that. Roberts has a lot of compassion for people who are caught in this struggle, and he clearly doesn't want to see the church heap shame on people who are already drowning in it.
However, it needs to be said that this is not one of the better books on this topic that I've read. While the lens is a compassionate one, most of the chapters in this book are organized around a shallow exegesis of a different biblical story, and it almost always felt like a reach to tie that exegesis back to sexual addiction. (ex: in order to get free from sexual addiction, people need to have a dream for their life. Joseph was a man who always had dreams ... ) It's solid advice arrived at in a really muddled way because (I assume) the author feels that all of his guidance needs a scriptural backing. It's not horrible, but not the kind of Christian book I particularly enjoy. A much better introductory book on this topic is "Unwanted" by Jay Stringer.
However, it needs to be said that this is not one of the better books on this topic that I've read. While the lens is a compassionate one, most of the chapters in this book are organized around a shallow exegesis of a different biblical story, and it almost always felt like a reach to tie that exegesis back to sexual addiction. (ex: in order to get free from sexual addiction, people need to have a dream for their life. Joseph was a man who always had dreams ... ) It's solid advice arrived at in a really muddled way because (I assume) the author feels that all of his guidance needs a scriptural backing. It's not horrible, but not the kind of Christian book I particularly enjoy. A much better introductory book on this topic is "Unwanted" by Jay Stringer.
January 10, 2020
This book and ministry have helped many men and women get free from sex addiction. It has helped marriages and relationships find healing and more fulfilling intimacy. Our church is starting to tackle this Goliath within the modern church. If we remain silent and continue to shame those with this problem the church will continue to crumble under the guilt, shame, and contempt that the wicked one brings.
It is an honor to be at the table in my church helping to reshape this important conversation. Many men will and have started to get free from bondage. If you are looking for a program at your church then I highly recommend this book. It walks you through the process. Unfortunately, the modern church doesn't realize the magnitude of the problem or continues to offer solutions that don't work for addiction. A person first chooses to sin, but certain sins can quickly lead to addiction. "Trying harder" to get free rarely is the solution. Read this book and find the Biblical answers, and learn about some brain science that explains how God made us.
It is an honor to be at the table in my church helping to reshape this important conversation. Many men will and have started to get free from bondage. If you are looking for a program at your church then I highly recommend this book. It walks you through the process. Unfortunately, the modern church doesn't realize the magnitude of the problem or continues to offer solutions that don't work for addiction. A person first chooses to sin, but certain sins can quickly lead to addiction. "Trying harder" to get free rarely is the solution. Read this book and find the Biblical answers, and learn about some brain science that explains how God made us.
January 26, 2020
An excellent read especially if read in conjunction with the Conquer Series that his ministry promotes. His insight on this subject are profound and have changed my life in a true and real way. God has blessed this man and has used him to effectively communicate concrete things men can do to break free from the bondage of sexual sin.
While some of the chapters were disappointing, as they were directed towards church leaders or other people people that are collateral damage - thus taking away from the helpful advice - I found his wife's perspective in the last chapter to be most helpful in the macro level of the problem while Ted's chapters seemed more focused on attacking the micro, or day to day level of the issue. I would have liked to see a more updated version of the book which included material from the video series which discusses the importance of brain function and neural pathways, but maybe he will do that one day.
Overall an excellent read with very practical applications and challenges for facing this difficult struggle.
While some of the chapters were disappointing, as they were directed towards church leaders or other people people that are collateral damage - thus taking away from the helpful advice - I found his wife's perspective in the last chapter to be most helpful in the macro level of the problem while Ted's chapters seemed more focused on attacking the micro, or day to day level of the issue. I would have liked to see a more updated version of the book which included material from the video series which discusses the importance of brain function and neural pathways, but maybe he will do that one day.
Overall an excellent read with very practical applications and challenges for facing this difficult struggle.
May 4, 2020
This is the best book I've read this year, and possibly ever, by a wide margin. Absolutely incredible. If you or a loved one has gone through this, PLEASE read or give them this book. If you are trying to help someone with an addiction or sexual affliction, do the same. The Spirit speaks in this book, each page is teeming with life-giving good news. No matter what are going through, have been through, or will be through, God is greater.
There is fantastic, practical help to be found in this book. Without a doubt, God used Dr. Roberts and his wife to help others get through what they are going through. Whether it be habitual porn use, masturbation or a lifestyle of sexual promiscuity, there is hope. This book pales in comparison to the good news found in scripture, but it is undoubtedly drawing from that same powerful well that is the Word of God.
Give this book a read, I cannot recommend it enough. I needed this.
There is fantastic, practical help to be found in this book. Without a doubt, God used Dr. Roberts and his wife to help others get through what they are going through. Whether it be habitual porn use, masturbation or a lifestyle of sexual promiscuity, there is hope. This book pales in comparison to the good news found in scripture, but it is undoubtedly drawing from that same powerful well that is the Word of God.
Give this book a read, I cannot recommend it enough. I needed this.
August 13, 2017
This has been one of the best books That my hands has come upon. In reading this book I have found out that I need A lot of help. I have four men in my church that I have made myself accountable to. One of the men I am around more often than the other three. He gave me A hard copy of the book. I down load it to my kindle. I read A chapter each day. In whatever days I have left on this earth I will tell others about this book. It open my eyes to different things that has happen in my life. I been into bisexual things in my life. I know I can be free in Jesus name. I am also part of A bible study at my apartments. I was telling the leader about Pure Desire. The best is yet to come. Every male should read this book
September 18, 2025
So many good takeaways from this book sent to me by a friend in Australia. The stories of air force adventures and manliness, macho behaviour and wrong thinking all combine along with Scripture to help anyone, I imagine, if rigorously honest, to come to grips with temptation and how to beat wrong desires.
I especially liked his wife's final words at the end as well.
There is no easy fix, but put this book in your toolbox along with other tools you use and it will only help. Surrender is the key which sounds especially non-macho, but actually IS the most manly thing a man can do.
To whom do we surrender? That's my continuous question.
I especially liked his wife's final words at the end as well.
There is no easy fix, but put this book in your toolbox along with other tools you use and it will only help. Surrender is the key which sounds especially non-macho, but actually IS the most manly thing a man can do.
To whom do we surrender? That's my continuous question.
August 3, 2019
The best book for men to start the conversation when beginning to deal with their dysfunctional past and the addiction(s) they have resorted to in running away from their pain. In the setting of a transparent and supportive men’s group, healing can take off when we are honest with ourselves, with each other, and with God. For some, https://conquerseries.com/ is a good introduction to the issues of sexual addiction but the long-term, kingdom-tough work requires staying in the fight, for wholeness, for years to come. Grateful for such a tool to begin the paradigm shift. 🙂
June 26, 2020
Creo que las iglesias cristianas todas deberían leer y enseñar el tipo de material que maneja este libro. El Dr. Roberts tiene años de experiencia trabajando este tipo de problemáticas y su enfoque en tratar las adicciones sexuales como una problema superficial y teniendo en cuenta que tiene una raíz más profunda es algo que no se ve muy a menudo y lo veo bastante acertado. Estaría bueno una ayuda similar para mujeres, ya que no sólo los hombres tienen problemas de adicción sexual. Fuera de eso, es buenísimo y recomendado.
October 7, 2018
Blunt and startling.but full of hope
Startlingly descriptive of one man's hopeless struggle with sexual addiction, alcoholism, and workaholic addiction. Full of wise teaching in what addiction really is, and the deep destruction it brings. But then moves to a great message of hope rooted in Sound biblical truth, very practical and useful for "coming out" and starting over in a life of freedom.
Startlingly descriptive of one man's hopeless struggle with sexual addiction, alcoholism, and workaholic addiction. Full of wise teaching in what addiction really is, and the deep destruction it brings. But then moves to a great message of hope rooted in Sound biblical truth, very practical and useful for "coming out" and starting over in a life of freedom.
August 17, 2022
Answers for Unwanted Sexual Behavior
From the perspective of a Marine pilot, Roberts's story is a compelling view of the reality of bondage to sexual sin. The answer to unwanted sexual desires is based on groups of Christians instilling the desires of the Spirit within each other (cf. Galatians 5:16-17). The actual path to freedom is left to be experienced as fellow Christians struggle to follow Christ together.
From the perspective of a Marine pilot, Roberts's story is a compelling view of the reality of bondage to sexual sin. The answer to unwanted sexual desires is based on groups of Christians instilling the desires of the Spirit within each other (cf. Galatians 5:16-17). The actual path to freedom is left to be experienced as fellow Christians struggle to follow Christ together.
August 6, 2023
Es un libro muy confrontativo acerca de la adicción sexual, no pretende ocultar las cosas, sino dar una perspectiva amplia, profunda y honesta sobre la lucha que existe departe de muchas personas con la adicción sexual. De pronto, el exceso de ejemplos de aviación puede ser agotador y descontextualizado a América Latina. Sin embargo, es una excelente herramienta que demuestra que Dios está interesado en restablecer nuestra sexualidad.
September 11, 2023
This book is aimed at pastors who want to start a men's ministry at their church. I read it as potential small group/men's group material, and found it engaging, relevant, and potentially helpful. Roberts goes through his own history of struggles and shares stories from other men who have been involved in his mentorship or small groups.
The main downside to this book is that it is more of a motivator/conversation starter rather than a step-by-step guide on how to start a men's ministry.
The main downside to this book is that it is more of a motivator/conversation starter rather than a step-by-step guide on how to start a men's ministry.
March 9, 2018
I read this book to help a friend
I read this book in order to be able to mentor a friend as he goes through an addiction program where this book is the main textbook. I found it to be full of insights. Many Christians lurch in the shadows with sexual addiction. I would love someday to use this book as resource for a similar program at my church. Highly recommended!
I read this book in order to be able to mentor a friend as he goes through an addiction program where this book is the main textbook. I found it to be full of insights. Many Christians lurch in the shadows with sexual addiction. I would love someday to use this book as resource for a similar program at my church. Highly recommended!
January 26, 2018
Excellent book dealing with breaking free of the sexual struggles that many deal with in an increasingly sexualized society. Recommended for all pastors and workers with people and for anyone who is attempting to cast off the demons of lust. Good read. Thank you, Clayton McCurdy.
March 29, 2018
A straight forward and honest look at the struggle and life impacts associated with sexual addiction. Lots of practical advice on what is needed to start the journey of becoming free from such an addiction.
April 4, 2018
Excellent resource for any who are struggling with actions that produce shame. Helps the reader to focus on the core source of his or her struggles and points to a path of freedom from the pain of the past. Encourages the church to be a place not of condemnation but of grace and truth.
December 23, 2021
I read this as part of a Pure Desire men's group at a local church in the Twin Cities. Pure Desire Ministries has been a tremendous help to me in growing as a Christian man. I highly recommend this ministry.
April 4, 2023
Applicable to the Christian's struggle with any ongoing temptation to which they seem to often succumb, but written especially for the struggle of sexual temptations. As a pastor, I'll definitely recommend it to others in the future. It's written by the speaker of the Conquerors video series.
January 10, 2024
This was a helpful supplement to the Seven Pillars of Freedom (which I’m almost finished working through). The chapters on guilt and shame, and having a God-given vision for the future were especially helpful.
April 22, 2024
The sexual pleasures and desires are so prevalent in the world we live in. This isn’t about the social media side of it as much as it is the idea of a war in our mind with lust that’s been happening for generations. Overall it was a great read and helpful for me in my walk with God
August 8, 2018
Focuses on the mental/neurochemical process of addiction, but doesn't cover spiritual, emotional wounds, etc.
July 23, 2019
Great book to help break free from sexual struggles and begin to help others fight the battle with Christ being the most important.
January 2, 2020
Take it as a challenge to improve your love life with your partner.
March 27, 2021
3.5/5 lots of practical chapters but also scattered thoughts and didn’t think the book flowed well as a whole. Enjoyed reading a majority of the book although there wasn’t a flow
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March 28, 2021Great read! It helped me see the power of God's Word, His grace, and practical decision-making steps to see true change in my soul and life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews