I'll Hold You in Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent Who Has Lost a Child Through Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion, or Early Infant Death

by Jack W. Hayford

Jack Hayford provides compassionate answers to troubling questions for those who have lost a baby. The freeing truth of the Word of God promises that, like David, you will hold your child again in heaven.

Genres: Self Help, Grief, Christian, Nonfiction

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1990

About the author

Jack Williams Hayford (born June 25, 1934) is an American author, Pentecostal minister, and Chancellor Emeritus of The King's University (formerly The King's College and Seminary). He is a former senior pastor of The Church On The Way in Van Nuys, California and was the fourth President of the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel. He is widely known for his past involvement in the Promise Keepers movement and for being a prolific author and songwriter, with over 600 hymns and choruses in his catalog. He is the author of the popular 1978 hymn "Majesty", which is rated as one of the top 100 contemporary hymns and performed and sung in churches worldwide.

Reviews

[Sarina Meyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is good on emphasizing the fact that an unborn baby is really a child and the loss of one is truly a terrible loss. The Scripture references on this topic are wonderful and the argument sound. However, when he gets to the emotional response to all of this he loses his footing. He argues that the grieving parent should not be angry with God. However, that view is unbiblical. The Old Testament has several examples of the faithful who were angry with God. Part of their ability to move on was to be honest with God about their feelings. God can take it. And God can help us through the valley of the shadow of death, even when that includes anger with Him. The fact that Mr. Hayford encourages against being angry at God inhibits the grieving parents from honesty with God if they feel angry with Him. This is a serious failing of this book.

[Brooke Denniston]

“Remember, too, that God promises a reunion someday with your child. Meaning comes to the miscarrying mother: “I may not have been able to receive my child now, but my pregnancy was not a waste of time”… “I’ll hold you in heaven.” “

[Kathryn Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I am grateful for the premise of this book being that life begins with conception and does not end with death, I felt that the main focus on the book was overcoming guilt from a choice of abortion rather than the other losses of children mentioned in the title. As someone who has recently experienced a stillbirth, I wish that a separate book could have been written for the two subjects. I also think I would have found more comfort in the words if I weren’t already close to God and finding peace in His words. I think this would be a great book for someone who doesn’t know Jesus and his gospel. There were still parts that I found comforting and that brought me peace, but I think this specific grief book is for a smaller audience than it is being marketed for.

[Jane Lebak · Rating 1 out of 5]

I failed to find any comfort in this writer's work, even though I'm a Christian and believe pretty much everything he believes. He makes many unwarranted assumptions and some of the "science" was kind of ludicrous. I left the book feeling I'd wasted my time and money. He clearly wanted to write a book only about aborted babies, based on the time he spends dealing with abortion, and seemed to branch out to include stillbirth and neonatal death in order to have enough of a book to publish. Take a pass on this one. There are far superior Christian bereavement resources out there.

[Janelle Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was gifted this book when I had unexpectedly lost my son at 30 weeks pregnant. I have read many books about coping and loss since I lost him. This book is not one that I was attribute to being helpful. The author uses language and vocabulary that was difficult for me to get through, even as an avid reader. In addition, a large part of this book focused on abortion. Therefore, I had a very difficult time relating to the material covered. There were key parts I highlighted that touched my heart and affected me but overall, I could’ve gone without.

[Melissa Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does a good job of explaining scripture and acknowledging the loss of an unborn child as a real, horrible loss. I feel better after reading this because I know I will someday hold my daughter again. This book brought me some much needed hope.

[LAMONT D · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was extremely helpful to my wife and I back when we had a miscarriage early in our marriage. It gave us hope and assurance that indeed we would see this unborn child again in heaven one day. I was reminded of that truth when my study group tackled the question: "Will we recognize our loved ones in heaven?" This book supplies a partial answer though it deals more with the pain, grief and guilt if applicable when dealing with a loss of a baby, unborn or tragically in an abortion situation. There is a biblical truth throughout substantiated by Hayford that God knew us from the beginning (conception) and has a plan and purpose for each of our lives. For example, David's comment in the Old Testament (2 Samuel 12) when his young son died stating: "I will go to him one day". King David also penned of course these words in Psalm 23:6 - " I will live in the house of the LORD forever." The place for the lost son is known to be the same place anticipated by the believer who has received God's promise of redemption. In Jeremiah 1:5 God gave this message to the prophet: "I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born, I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet". I still believe this book is a treasure that can be given to anyone who has questions or doubts about heaven especially as it relates to your unborn child or baby that now is in the presence of Jesus.

[Ashley Baker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jack Hayford does an excellent job showing the value of a human life, even though the baby may have never been held by a parent, or fully developed. Life is truly a miracle that happens at conception. God has a plan for each life that is "a lasting, eternal soul" (pg.31). Through the pages of "I'll hold you in Heaven" I found myself comforted as if I was talking to a friend that affirmed the life of the little one I lost. Though the gentle tone of the book was comforting, I am not entirely certain about the "innocence" of babies that Hayford address in the fourth chapter. I am not convinced as he is that all babies will be in Heaven, but I hope, pray, and rely on the goodness and mercy of God that I will one day see the baby that I lost.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was mailed to me from a girl at my church...it was so timely for me to read this...it did bring a profound measure of comfort to me in my grief. I recommend it to anyone who has experienced miscarriage or early infant death.

[Karen Maginnis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such reassurance about our 2 babies in heaven. I look forward to seeing them again soon.

Would recommend to anyone who has suffered the loss of a child, particularly an unborn baby. Words of comfort for all.

[Angela Blount · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short read on a heavy topic.

This book is written from the viewpoint of a pastor who has counseled many over the years, and whose church partnered in opening one of the first crisis pregnancy centers. His approach is one of loving, compassionate, and steady humility; grounded in scripture. And it means something that his congregation is the type to put their money where their heart is.

I think it's important to note up front that neither Hayford himself, nor anyone in his immediate family, are mentioned as having personally experienced any of the forms of child loss that are covered. The anecdotes he offers are second-hand. And while that doesn't disqualify what he has to say and offer... it did sit a little too distant for this reader at times. (I realize this is an older book, and likely was one of the first to so thoroughly tackle these topics in a measured, faith-based manner. I don't mean to detract from that, only to add context.)

I'll echo other reviewers in saying this book felt exceptionally heavy on the abortion angle. For those of us who would have given anything to have been able to keep our babies alive and with us, it can rub an emotional raw spot to be lumped in with women who elected to have their pregnancies terminated and now live with varying degrees of regret. (I'm NOT saying these women don't need to be compassionately ministered to. They most certainly do. I'm just pointing out there is a reason support groups for women who've suffered miscarriages and support groups for women who have undergone abortion don't generally mix.)

Given it felt like the author attempted to cast too broad and impersonal of a net, I can't really recommend this book as a comfort to women who have suffered miscarriage. I would, however, recommend it as a resource for women of faith who are coming to terms with a past abortion--whether chosen or coerced. Here you will find kindness, mercy, and forgiveness--as well as sound biblical truth.

Notable Quotes:

*"The whole of Psalm 139 gives us a mighty insight: God views life in the womb as (1) real and eternal, and shows us (2) it is desirable an d worth protecting."

*"In verse 36 (of Luke 1) the angel told Mary at the same time as her conception, that Elizabeth was in her 6th month of pregnancy. In verse 56, we are told Mary stayed with her until the birth of Elizabeth's baby-- "And Mary remained with her about three months." i.e. when Elizabeth ... prophesied upon Mary's arrival--"the child in your womb is the Lord"--Mary was only a matter of a few days into her pregnancy."

*"If the memory of an abortion lurks in your past, your choice was promoted and encouraged by a society temporarily numbed to the truest values of human life."

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow.

after the birth of my nearly full term stillborn son for no known medical reasons, my faith was tested heavily. I know scripture well and this book provided me scriptures, citing God's word directly, on almost all of my questions. It's logical, heartfelt, and shined a much needed light on the one book, the Bible, I thought I knew so well. It taught me how to view my own situation through the lens of o God Himself. It, in short and most tragic of times, actually brought me peace. That's nothing short of amazing.

[Mary T · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend let me borrow this after a recent miscarriage. Although I had previously experienced a miscarriage, this one felt a little different since I was diagnosed with a "blighted ovum" which means the fertilization triggered my body into pregnant mode, but the embryo never developed properly. This book reassured me of the Scriptural evidence that our baby is an eternal being -- regardless of the physical durability or length of lifespan. I agree with others that the author did spend a lot of time addressing abortion, but overall, I found the book helpful.

[Audrey Rettig · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had this book recommended to me by a counselor who I was seeing because of my recent miscarriage at 12 weeks. I feel that this book was written towards people who have made a choice to abort their baby. The book had some helpful insight, and lots of biblical reference, which I appreciate. It did not really answer my questions. I understand that no one can truthfully know the answers, but I was underwhelmed with this book.

[Ally · Rating 3 out of 5]

This title is not even close to a good descriptor for the contents. This is more of "a pocket christian theology on embryos & fetuses", if you will. And while I think that subject is handled appropriately well (enough to persuade me to hang on to the book for future research/referencing), it misses the mark that I thought it was shooting for. -1 star

I also can't stand the way the author describes babies gone too soon as having "taken the early flight". -1 star

[Melissa Shearer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book, which is more like a long winded pamphlet, means well. Being someone who has suffered two second trimester losses I’m always reaching for something to bring some peace or make some sense of them. It took over 6 weeks to read just over 100 pages. While there is some valid, helpful information and the author is trying to show compassion, this book just didn’t resonate with me. I hate to say anything negative about a resource for those of us who have experienced any type of child loss because there’s so little out there written on the topic. Hell, it’s still taboo to speak about which is mind blowing. I’ve connected and found more comfort in other books.

[Terry Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful, sensitive, compassionate read

The love of God for each of us is evident on each page Pastor Hayford writes. In this book he covers everything we wonder about, as well as many questions I had not thought of. And he does so with a lovely, gentle and compassionate hand, and with comprehensive, deep biblical insight and thoughtfulness.
I highly commend this book!

[Nicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend!

Very informative about what the Bible says about what happens to miscarried babies,infant loss, and abortion. It gave me peace about my miscarriage and that not only will I see my miscarried babies but I will recognize them when I get to heaven.

[Mary Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written

I found this book to really help those who have a need to know that their unborn or born straight to heaven baby had a soul at conception. I will blog a larger review on www.whenangelsfly.wordpress.com

[Chong-Ae Shah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great comfort in the midst of grieving miscarriage

This book is small but powerful! A friend showed me this book as I was grieving alongside my son and daughter-in-law of their loss of their baby through miscarriage. It comforted my soul and gave me hope.

[Susan Purnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have suffered a miscarriage or abortion, this book will fill your spirit with healing answers.

[Annette Davie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me in the loss of my infant son years ago. Very comforting

[Casey Craft · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been very helpful in dealing with my 2 miscarriages despite the fact that it focuses mainly on abortion and has given me a new desire for a closer walk with God.

[Haley Sweatman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has a lot of really good info about life beginning at conception! However, for me, it was too focused on abortion, which wasn’t the easiest thing to read after having recently miscarried.

[Isaiah Espinoza · Rating 5 out of 5]

For such a short book it was heavy and difficult to read due to the subject matter. One year after our loss I found comfort in the Hayford’s response to questions by looking at what the Bible says.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last chapter was mostly focused on abortion, overall seemed like it was written with that in mind, although the first few chapters were helpful for someone dealing with a miscarriage.

[Lisa Wuertz · Rating 2 out of 5]

A quick read, short. Very much written from the Protestant perspective complete with altar call and "give your life to Jesus" prayer in one of the chapters. Very basic in walking people through the idea that the unborn child is a person with a soul, which I already knew and very much believed. A majority of the book is focused on people who have had an abortion or who are thinking about it. Unfortunately, it does not have much on working through the grieving process of any of these situations. It was sweet that someone thought of me and wanted to bring comfort and hope to my miscarriage though.

[Sarah Lowery decker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was alright. I like that it had good Explanations for things that I wasn't sure about at first And needed some guidance for but on the other hand this book has some things that were definitely written from the perspective of someone who could never have had a miscarriage. I think it is a nice resource for somebody who has a Christian perspective or possibly is looking for that type of safety however they are definitely should be a backup resource for people. I found it annoying at times I have to say.

[Jennifer Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book after the stillborn death of my first child, precious daughter Hayley Lynn Harradine, 2-2-94. This book helped significantly in my healing. Knowing that she is safe in God's arms in Heaven and that after this very short life on earth, I will still be her mom in eternity gave me the comfort and strength I needed to go on. Highly recommend to any woman who has lost a child, a must read.

[Diane Wachter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jack Hayford, PB-B, @ 1990, 9/99. Very interesting little book about healing and hope for the parent who has lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or early infant death. Very good.

"We will always be with the Lord." 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28.