*cue dramatic drumroll*
Why am I drumrolling? Well, I am drumrolling because this book was something very 'special'...something that offended me on a MORAL LEVEL.
*cue horrified gasps*
I'm kidding, and I'll stop this stagey formatting. It must be pissing off anyone who's reading it.
I appreciate that weight is an extremely difficult thing to talk about. Partly because everyone understands the important of being comfortable and confident, regardless of the weight that you are, but many people (myself included) feel that this is somewhat damaging because being grossly overweight is very bad for your health. Thus, it's all about balance. And that balance is a very hard thing to strike.
Jane Green managed to piss me off on both sides of that coin.
My personal summary of this book:
1. Jemima Jones is very fat, and she's depressed. (This sounds like it would be very offensive, but it's actually the only part of the book that Green handles well. She makes Jemima sympathetic and actually focuses on how being overweight like Jemima can impact on other things, like job prospects. It felt a little overegged, but I can understand how this would happen, and I felt comforted that she was focusing on something other than how being overweight impacted on love/sex lives. That feeling of relief did not last long.)
2. She has a crush on Stereotypical Romance Novel Hunk Ben, who appears to have no real flaws, considered that he's apparently both intelligent, sensitive, dedicated and brilliant in bed. Green reinforces this by relating every tiny thing Ben does back to these posiitve characteristics, so we could never imagine that we are dealing with a three-dimensional love interest. It doesn't take long to see that Jemima is The Perfect Man for Ben, but Green leads us on another route for a while as Ben leaves their dead-end job and Jemima begins cybersexing with an LA hunk called Brad, although the degree that we follow Ben around his BRILLIANT SUCCESS as a journalist indicates that we're not done with him. As if we needed a hint.
3. Jemima begins to talk to LA hunk Brad on the Internet. She immediately perpetuates the image that she is blonde, slim and successful. Knowing that he will find her unspeakably repulsive, she begins to work out and diet obsessively. It's around this point in the novel that Jemima becomes completely and utterly unsufferable. Not deliberately so, either. Judging from the irritating and preachy last line, we are supposed to find Jemima "pure of heart." Pardon my language, but what is this shit? Jemima was so annoying that I wanted to hit her over the head with something heavy and sharp.
4. Now thin and blonde (it turns out she's gorgeous under all that fat! Who knew?!), Jemima goes to LA to meet unspeakably hunky hunk Brad. And it's obvious that something is not right with Brad immediately, if only because we are still reading about Ben, who is starting to get on my nerves as well by this point. And Jemima keeps making sneaky comments about finding Brad a teensy bit boring, but of course she dismisses it because he's a) blonde b) gorgeous and c) the sex is great. Remind me again why we want such a shallow and insufferable woman to succeed? Also, her atttitude towards Jenny, Brad's Grossly Fat Assistant, WAS extremely patronising and even taking out the twist, no wonder Jenny was bitchy to her. Her supposedly kind and sympathetic thoughts about Jenny made my skin crawl.
5. Now we are introduced to another completely insufferable character, Vogue columnist Lauren, who has been ditched in LA following the breakdown of her relationship. He was an extremely nice man, but as the supposedly insightful and intelligent Lauren informs us, the sex was awful. And that was a dealbreaker. So much of a dealbreaker that she couldn't stand it for even one more day. (I am not saying that it wouldn't be a dealbreaker; I know very little about such things, but as a novel whose parable is supposed to be about judging by inner beauty, I couldn't help but feel that Jane Green was buying into the awful judging that her characters appeared to shirk. Also, their comments about Charlie's *cough* endowments was just cruel.) The introdcution of Lauren also means that Green forgets about the most likeable character in the book, JJ's best friend Geraldine. Goodbye, Geraldine. We hardly knew ye.
6. Then JJ finds out the HORRIFYING truth about Brad -- he's sleeping with Jenny! Yes! Fat, awful Jenny! Honestly, what could he ever see in her?! However, when JJ confronts Brad, cue the most disgusting moment of the entire book. Brad claims that he needs JJ as a trophy girlfriend - he loves Jenny, and always has, and Jenny loves him, but they cannot be together because otherwise he will be ostracized from the beautiful land of LA. Yes. Fat people are so hated in LA that a gorgeous man like Brad wouldn't be seen as looking past her exterior (or heaven forbid, LIKING her exterior - which he appeared to, judging by the pornography Jemima found.) By this point, I felt just about sick to my stomach. Not only can you not hope of love as a fat person, but if, by some miracle, you find them, they can never be with you because you are just THAT disgusting.
7. Some other shit happens, but I'm angry all over again, so I'll just say that, in the epilogue, JJ and Ben get married, live Babies Ever After and Lauren gets her a job with Vogue. So the pat and awful happy ending that none of them deserve, basically.
Bonus crap about Jemima J:
The omniscient third-person narrator. How irritating was this? It didn't bug me at first, but by the time we got around to that sanctimonous last line (which glorified its superficial and insufferable narrator as some kind of angel for losing weight and being unable to make up her mind about anything), I wanted to throw it against the wall. But I love my Kindle. It's just a pity that I hated this book.