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An Onslaught of Light
In 1990, Vijay and Indu leave India for Australia, seeking a better life for their family.
But the move isn’t easy on anyone. Not gentle Indu who becomes disconnected from her family and her life; nor the ambitious Vijay, who finds himself unmoored in a culture he doesn’t understand. At the centre is Archana, their quiet daughter, for whom a growing understanding of her own queerness grates against the realities of her life.
Years later, Arch lives her ideal solitary, isolated life. When her brother calls to say that Vijay is unwell and needs her help, Arch has no choice but to re-enter the world. Using her pain as a shield from connection, Arch goes about her family duty.
But a chance meeting leads to the potential of a new start—if only she is willing to take a risk and let in some light.
‘Haunting and heartbreaking, Rai’s debut novel deftly weaves a tale of guilt and atonement. The ghost of grief lingers through every page, and the trauma of the past is ever present. And yet, An Onslaught of Light is just that – a powerful journey from alienation to connection, from loneliness to love, from darkness to light.’ SHANKARI CHANDRAN, Miles Franklin winner
‘A mesmerising, insightful, heartfelt novel about grief, belonging and the sometimes unbearable weight of expectations. The writing is so assured, the characters so real and the emotional tension so expertly sustained that it’s hard to believe this is Natasha Rai’s debut novel. I read it fast, in huge, hungry gulps and finished it knowing that Arch, Indu, Vijay and Sunny will be with me for a very long time. Exquisite.’ EMILY MAGUIRE
But the move isn’t easy on anyone. Not gentle Indu who becomes disconnected from her family and her life; nor the ambitious Vijay, who finds himself unmoored in a culture he doesn’t understand. At the centre is Archana, their quiet daughter, for whom a growing understanding of her own queerness grates against the realities of her life.
Years later, Arch lives her ideal solitary, isolated life. When her brother calls to say that Vijay is unwell and needs her help, Arch has no choice but to re-enter the world. Using her pain as a shield from connection, Arch goes about her family duty.
But a chance meeting leads to the potential of a new start—if only she is willing to take a risk and let in some light.
‘Haunting and heartbreaking, Rai’s debut novel deftly weaves a tale of guilt and atonement. The ghost of grief lingers through every page, and the trauma of the past is ever present. And yet, An Onslaught of Light is just that – a powerful journey from alienation to connection, from loneliness to love, from darkness to light.’ SHANKARI CHANDRAN, Miles Franklin winner
‘A mesmerising, insightful, heartfelt novel about grief, belonging and the sometimes unbearable weight of expectations. The writing is so assured, the characters so real and the emotional tension so expertly sustained that it’s hard to believe this is Natasha Rai’s debut novel. I read it fast, in huge, hungry gulps and finished it knowing that Arch, Indu, Vijay and Sunny will be with me for a very long time. Exquisite.’ EMILY MAGUIRE
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Published March 13, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
March 28, 2025
Full of emotion and heartfelt writing, An Onslaught of Light focuses on family and all the complications that involves. From 1990 when Indu and Vijay marry without their parents’ blessing and then leave India for Australia, the story examines family estrangement, culture shock and the struggles of settling in a new country without family bonds.
In 2022 when their daughter Arch is grappling with her past and refusing to face it, she receives a call to say that her father, Vijay, is ill and needs her. Left with no choice, Arch must confront her relationship with her father, as well as her sexuality and the emotional wounds she has long kept buried.
Reading this book absolutely broke my heart. Indu’s suffering with depression and its effects on her children, Vijay’s anger and violence towards them and then Arch’s struggles to manage by keeping everyone at arm’s length was so awful and heart wrenching. However, amongst the darkness, there were moments of beauty and light as we watched healing and forgiveness take place. The heartbreak of the earlier parts felt like it was being mended by the journey these characters went on to understanding and love.
Natasha has written a wonderfully moving debut that endeared these fabulous characters to me. I was sad when the story ended and I had to say goodbye.
In 2022 when their daughter Arch is grappling with her past and refusing to face it, she receives a call to say that her father, Vijay, is ill and needs her. Left with no choice, Arch must confront her relationship with her father, as well as her sexuality and the emotional wounds she has long kept buried.
Reading this book absolutely broke my heart. Indu’s suffering with depression and its effects on her children, Vijay’s anger and violence towards them and then Arch’s struggles to manage by keeping everyone at arm’s length was so awful and heart wrenching. However, amongst the darkness, there were moments of beauty and light as we watched healing and forgiveness take place. The heartbreak of the earlier parts felt like it was being mended by the journey these characters went on to understanding and love.
Natasha has written a wonderfully moving debut that endeared these fabulous characters to me. I was sad when the story ended and I had to say goodbye.
March 18, 2025
An Onslaught of Light is a breathtaking exploration of family, identity, and the ties that shape us—whether we embrace them or push them away. Through dual timelines, we follow Archana as she navigates the struggles of migration, belonging, and self-discovery, from her turbulent teenage years in the 1990s to the choices she faces in 2022 and beyond. This novel is deeply moving, beautifully written, and impossible to forget. If you love emotionally rich, character-driven stories that stay with you long after the last page, this one is a must-read!
Read my full review over on Hundredacreofbooks.com
https://hundredacreofbooks.com/index....
Read my full review over on Hundredacreofbooks.com
https://hundredacreofbooks.com/index....
April 28, 2025
An Onslaught of Light by Natasha Rai evoked powerful, albeit difficult, reactions for me. The exploration of racism and mental health was intense. I often read challenging books with mental health narratives, but the lack of a❗️suicide TW❗️ significantly impacted my reading experience. Personally, suicide hits too close to home for me. However, this might resonate differently with other readers.
Whilst I found the main character, Arch, self-absorbed and irritating, the author crafted compelling and emotionally impactful connections between Arch and her parents. Despite my overall feelings, these connections resonated with me more as the book progressed.
This was a tricky one to rate and review. I’m glad to have read it, but I genuinely felt ill more than once whilst reading it.
Whilst I found the main character, Arch, self-absorbed and irritating, the author crafted compelling and emotionally impactful connections between Arch and her parents. Despite my overall feelings, these connections resonated with me more as the book progressed.
This was a tricky one to rate and review. I’m glad to have read it, but I genuinely felt ill more than once whilst reading it.
March 24, 2025
Wow.
What a powerful debut.
‘An onslaught of light’ piqued my interest from page one and I was fully engaged in this poignant story to the very (sobbing, snotting) end.
What a deeply personal, emotional journey.
Arch is a closed door. Her world is contained and any relationship is held at arms length.
When a neighbour calls to say her aging father Vijay is struggling, Arch does all in her power to dodge the responsibility of returning to her childhood home to care for him.
We then unpack how Arch and Vijay’s relationship came to be.
It’s a tumultuous story. Generational trauma. Estrangement. Abhorrent racism. Mental health. Cultural expectations. Gender expectations. Sexuality. Social isolation. Uncontainable grief.
But it’s also a story of forgiveness, healing and hope.
The writing is engaging and the pace moved quickly as you flew through different timelines and POV. The true beauty lay in the storytelling and the ability to pack so much raw emotion into each paragraph. Particular scenes will continue to sit with me; indelible and visceral.
Unforgettable.
Thank you to @panterapress and @natasharai for a gifted copy of the novel in exchange for an honest review and for including me in the #onslaughtoflight book tour.
What a powerful debut.
‘An onslaught of light’ piqued my interest from page one and I was fully engaged in this poignant story to the very (sobbing, snotting) end.
What a deeply personal, emotional journey.
Arch is a closed door. Her world is contained and any relationship is held at arms length.
When a neighbour calls to say her aging father Vijay is struggling, Arch does all in her power to dodge the responsibility of returning to her childhood home to care for him.
We then unpack how Arch and Vijay’s relationship came to be.
It’s a tumultuous story. Generational trauma. Estrangement. Abhorrent racism. Mental health. Cultural expectations. Gender expectations. Sexuality. Social isolation. Uncontainable grief.
But it’s also a story of forgiveness, healing and hope.
The writing is engaging and the pace moved quickly as you flew through different timelines and POV. The true beauty lay in the storytelling and the ability to pack so much raw emotion into each paragraph. Particular scenes will continue to sit with me; indelible and visceral.
Unforgettable.
Thank you to @panterapress and @natasharai for a gifted copy of the novel in exchange for an honest review and for including me in the #onslaughtoflight book tour.
July 8, 2025
4,25 ⭐️
A hypnotic and moving debut about identity, love and loss.
Natasha Rai’s writing is lyrical and observant, filled with vivid images and an emotional rhythm that feels true to life, at times gentle, at others abrupt and raw.
Set between the 1990s and the present, the story follows an Indian immigrant family dealing with invisible wounds and the weight of expectations.
Arch, the daughter, tries to find herself in the cracks of a fractured family and through the quiet urgency of becoming who she really is.
Not always easy, but always honest, An Onslaught of Light tells a story about the weight we carry, the bonds that survive, and the longing to break free.
“How much has race and culture shaped her? She doesn’t know. How much has love shaped her?
She’s beginning to find out. Arch doesn’t know how people can leave their homes under the weight of life.”
“He doesn’t want to be afraid anymore. This is what he tells the psychologist. He is afraid of the dark. He is afraid of the light. Is this what his Indu suffered in silence?”
A hypnotic and moving debut about identity, love and loss.
Natasha Rai’s writing is lyrical and observant, filled with vivid images and an emotional rhythm that feels true to life, at times gentle, at others abrupt and raw.
Set between the 1990s and the present, the story follows an Indian immigrant family dealing with invisible wounds and the weight of expectations.
Arch, the daughter, tries to find herself in the cracks of a fractured family and through the quiet urgency of becoming who she really is.
Not always easy, but always honest, An Onslaught of Light tells a story about the weight we carry, the bonds that survive, and the longing to break free.
“How much has race and culture shaped her? She doesn’t know. How much has love shaped her?
She’s beginning to find out. Arch doesn’t know how people can leave their homes under the weight of life.”
“He doesn’t want to be afraid anymore. This is what he tells the psychologist. He is afraid of the dark. He is afraid of the light. Is this what his Indu suffered in silence?”
July 7, 2025
So crying in bed is not generally a great start to a work day, but in this case, it was at least the kind of cathartic tears that very well told self-growth fiction can bring. Onslaught of Light gripped me from the first page, and despite a few pacing issues in the middle, delivered an utterly compelling story about grief, migration, prejudice and the ways our failures and our loves reverberate over generations. Our main protagonist, Arch, moves through the world afraid it might touch her. Rai takes us on a journey into the life of her mother Indu, cutting back and forth in time from Indu's life, to Arch's childhood and adolescence, and to "current" Arch struggling with not being allowed to ignore her ailing father. We gradually build the picture of the gulf between Arch and her father Vijay. Rai captures the sense of raw fury that permeates those failed by their parents, as well as the miserable avoidance of those who know they failed, and that they will never be able to explain how hard it was. An Onslaught of Light also vividly evokes the 1990s, when racial and homophobic slurs abounded in playgrounds but discussion of mental health did not. Vijay and Indu struggle with this "better life" that feels so much worse, but the novel never separates the global factors from the specific. Migration is an experience that plays differently for each person. And the pacing here keeps the book from ever feeling weighted down. When, as seems inevitable, Arch bathes in the light it feels wonderfully earned and deeply moving. Hence, somewhat wet eyes.
August 9, 2025
Book Club pick. I really struggled to connect with any of the characters, they're all pretty awful, and forgiveness is used as a pretty blanket tool indiscriminately. The main 'plot' is Archana getting guilt tripped by everyone into forgiving her father. She treats her family and friends and partners awfully. There's some homophobia (internalised and externalised) that never seems to get addressed or explored. Can't really speak to the racism, but for modern day Sydney it seemed cartoonish and exaggerated.
April 22, 2025
The relationship between family members, culture, mental health and social disconnect are explored through an immigrant Indian family and the challenges they face
August 16, 2025
god what an incredible book. i never would have picked this up if not for book club and i’m so glad i did. an outstanding debut. cannot wait to read more from natasha rai
covers so many themes so beautifully and realistically: generational trauma, complex families, mental health, breaking the cycle, race, identity, belonging, sexuality, grief
multi-generational and historical fiction - two of my favourite genres/structures!
i do wish there had been a bigger focus on sexuality and a more fleshed out ending though!
it was interesting discussing this book for book club and hearing how much some people disliked the characters/coudln’t understand their actions. for me, the depictions of depression, trauma, and parent/daughter relationships resonated so so deeply.
i particularly also loved how all the characters are so three-dimensional and fleshed out. none of them are black and white, they are all grey and nuanced. they do the wrong thing, they hurt other people - but they are all still likeable and understandable. their actions make sense. you can see their perspective and that everyone is trying their hardest.
family trauma
this book did such a good job of depicting the realities of living in an abusive household, growing up with family trauma. and especially depicting the heartbreaking ways in which the cycle repeats - all the ways in which indu and arch’s chapters paralleled, especially in the beginning. the sweat under the armpits. the desperation for her mum. the rejection by their father. arch giving sunny bad advice like her parents gave her. also appreciated highlighting that it wasn’t all awful. parents can be abusive but still love their children/mean well/be trying their hardest. but children still have a right to put in boundaries. people can do both good and bad things and neither erases/invalidates the other. the characters as unreliable narrators - how much is due to the abuse/them being children versus not wanting to admit/remember certain things etc. the different ways the characters cope with trauma - sunny is in complete denial/brushes it off. arch pushes everyone away/puts up a big wall to protect herself.
- “Wasn’t she allowed any respite from home? From the anger her parents dragged around with them? Why did she always have to be the witness to their fear and desperation? ”
- “There are things she’s forgotten, good things. All her memories are bad ones. Sunny has funny stories. And normal stories… ‘Seriously, Archie, it wasn’t that bad. You make it sound like we were poster children for the welfare department.’ Arch stares at him, puzzled. ‘No,’ she says. ‘It was that bad. It wasn’t just the beatings; it was the things he said. The way he always called me a liar, a disappointment, worthless. I haven’t made that up.’… Sunny takes a deep, shuddering breath. ‘I’m so confused, Archie. Did he do the same things to me? Why don’t I remember like you do?’ Arch softens her voice. ‘He didn’t come after you in the same way. It’s okay, Sunny. I’m not blaming you. Things were different for me, though, and you need to understand that.”
- “Arch crosses her arms. ‘I’m sorry, Sunny, but I can’t see him. I know you need my help, but I can’t do it. I hate him, Sunny. I fucking hate him. He didn’t tell anyone that it was me who found her. He took all the sympathy and he wanted to protect you, so he pretended and I didn’t know how to talk to him about it. I was so angry with him and also with her for leaving us. She was our mother, Sunny. Isn’t it a mother’s job to protect her children? She didn’t protect me from him, she couldn’t protect me at school and then finally she couldn’t even live long enough to see what would become of us.’ She looks down at her feet.”
‘my parents aren’t heroes, they’re just like me’
mother/daughter relationships - your mum as the one person you are desperate to have on your side. the heartbreak of your parents letting you down - not giving you the right advice, not being able to save you but always waiting and yearning for her to, not being able to read your silent messages. wanting your mum to yourself, not wanting to share her. the heartbreak of growing up and your parents stop becoming your heroes. the close connection with her mum. when they leave the party. to feel understood and cared for
- “Arch couldn’t believe it. Every time she’d complained to her father about racial bullying, he’d given her stupid lectures and advice. She should have gone to Amma all that time. Despite Amma’s sickness, she would have saved Arch. She thinks of how she walked alongside her mother on the pavement, proudly. Daring, waiting, for someone to make a move against them. She didn’t care about Amma’s salwar kameez anymore. For once in her life, she felt proud of her skin colour. She wasn’t a piece of shit; her mother had said so. In the dark bedroom of her house, Arch smiles. Perhaps, she’ll tell Zoe this story tomorrow. She loves that she can talk about Indu with her niece; loves that Sunny talks to his kids about their amma. Arch imagines Sunny’s face as he tells his kids about his mum. It might break her apart, but somehow, she’s starting to want that. Arch wants Amma back”
- “‘I feel better too,’ says Archana, looking into Indu’s eyes. There is a message here, but Indu can’t decipher it. ‘I used to speak to my mother. She was always there with me, with us. But lately she’s disappeared. I don’t know why. Sometimes, I think I’ll find her here, where there are no people.’ Indu is appalled at the stricken face of her daughter. ‘Archana, what’s wrong?’ ‘Your mother? I’m–I’m not talking about that. You don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, do you?’ Archana shakes her head, her face closing, eyes downcast. The familiar deadness traps Indu in a viscous embrace. She can’t understand her daughter. What is wrong with her? ‘Archana?’ she says. Archana has already stepped away, her face a mask of indifference.”
father/daughter relationships - not being ready to speak to your father who has hurt you so deeply. realising he was trying his best with what he knew at the time. but also that doesn’t excuse his behaviour and you’re allowed to have boundaries. i’m glad he realised he needed to apologise
- “He’s just as scared as her, but his fear manifested in violence. There was a period she felt hatred towards him, but now she understands. He was doing the best he could in the only way he knew.”
- “He gathers her in his arms, and she lets him. She doesn’t know how long they stand like that, but she is safe, and she can’t remember the last time she felt like this. She wants to crawl into his lap to be held, forever.”
- “‘What can I do? What can we do to put this family back together?’Arch shakes her head, sorrow closing its arms around her. ‘I don’t know. I’ve hated you for so long, I don’t know how to change it.’ He flinches at the word hate, but he keeps his eyes on her”
parents wanting their kids approval and love just as much as the kids do. all the heartbreaking times they come so close to connecting but don’t. the guilt of being a daughter who constantly pushes away a parent that is always trying. but knowing that even though they’re trying, they’ve also done deeply hurtful things. how to reconcile this? strong opinions weakly held. but also parents have the responsibility to heal things with their children - indu tellling vijay he has to apologise he’s the parent
- “When she scans her daughter’s face, she knows they’ve let her down. They gave her useless advice to cope with bullies at school and Vijay meted out cruel punishments when Archana needed hugs and tickles. Indu told her daughter to grow up when she needed to be told to stay young and enjoy the nicer things in life”
- learning ur parents don’t know everything etc
- “She won’t betray Archana’s trust. Perhaps in a few days she will speak to her daughter, as a friend, a confidante. There will be a new way between them, a new trust. Just like Indu, Archana will look back on this time with an unbearable ache once Indu has departed this world. Like Indu, she’ll yearn for her mother, wishing on everything she loves for just one more moment together.”
- “Sunny embraces his sister, both of them wrapped in a love that excludes Indu.”
mental health
mental health, particularly depression, was so accurately portrayed. not being romanticised/glamourised - the banality, exhaustion, grossness of it… her fathers dirty room, how her mum is found after killing herself, her mums thoughts…
- “She was fed up with Vijay’s black temper, his constant shouting, his hitting of their children. With herself for her apathy, for her inability to live life in colour the way she had in the past”
- “Then again, the thought of never seeing her family again brought a peculiar pleasure that she couldn’t bear. Perhaps it would be better for all of them if she were to leave this existence, be with her ma again.”
- “I do everything I can not to remember. Because when the memory comes it’s like I’m standing there and it’s happening all over again”
- “He knows the gods are not tormenting him. Therapy helped him recover from the delusions and madness that threatened to strangle him. He can’t recover from the grief, though. That does not seem possible. He misses Indu now as much as he ever did. He welcomes her visits, which started soon after she died. They are no longer acrimonious. She sits with him quietly, other times she laughs when she remembers something funny from their former life. She grows sombre when they discuss their children. That’s when she grows cold and distant. He’s asked her to plead for special dispensation. To be allowed to return to him for an hour or even a few minutes in the flesh so he can hold her just one more time. So he can say goodbye properly.” - could be read as a critique of the westernisation/eurocentricism of mental illness - is it always a bad thing?
healing and forgiving yourself
- forgiveness comes from within. it isn’t always realistic to get closure and to have people you have wronged to forgive you (e.g., arch and her dad, arch and casey). but you can still learn from it, apologise if possible, do better. you’re on your own kid, you always have been.
- “What I did was terrible, and I said some horrible things. But I was a kid really, and I was in over my head. I messed up, but surely there’s a statute of limitations on guilt”
- “Arch smiles at them, for the first time in her life contemplating how she can be free of this great weight that is slowly, surely, suffocating her.”
- “he found a way forward by going back”
- the realities of healing from trauma - it doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a journey. it’s not perfect. (e.g., still smoking/using substances despite therapy - it’s not all or nothing)
relationships and boundaries
- the love that the people in arch’s life have for her (jac, emma etc.) but also their love and respect for themselves. setting boundaries whilst also caring about arch.
- arch’s therapists respecting her boundaries about her dad, not forcing her to speak to him until she is ready. “dad, i am trying. but i’m not ready yet” dad always asking me for hugs but respecting my answer.
- “‘You like spending time fucking me. That I know. Arch, I’ve reached the end. I’ve spent all this time chasing you. Trying to make someone love you for that long is demoralising. I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not even saying we should live together, even though you know I want to. I’m saying you need to let me into your life, into your heart. You need to love me back. I deserve that”
- “I do support you. I’ve been supporting you since the day we met. I love you, Arch. But you make things difficult. I know you’re hurting, but what you’re doing isn’t going to stop that.’ ‘Oh, excuse me. I didn’t realise you were a therapist now.’ ‘You know what, Arch? I’m tired. I’m tired of giving and getting nothing back. Have you noticed how things have changed between us? What happened to that funny, smart girl who was my best friend? Hanging out with you is a constant journey into bitterness and hurt and anger. And I can’t take it anymore, Arch. You need help”
migration and race
- the irony of aussies tanning while being racist
- wanting to be like everyone else. wanting a real family
- the dehumanisation of trying to fit into a new place that doesn’t want you
- the difficulties of moving to a new county
- how much of her parents dislike for arch was because her struggling was a reminder of their struggles? whereas sunny, who adapted much easier, showed them they had made the right decision moving to australia
- think this book does a very good job of showing how racism can be both so obvious but hidden at the same time, can still be so present in 2025, and how deeply these experiences can affect your sense of self - arch’s deep hatred and shame, trying to get to the white under her brown skin
covers so many themes so beautifully and realistically: generational trauma, complex families, mental health, breaking the cycle, race, identity, belonging, sexuality, grief
multi-generational and historical fiction - two of my favourite genres/structures!
i do wish there had been a bigger focus on sexuality and a more fleshed out ending though!
it was interesting discussing this book for book club and hearing how much some people disliked the characters/coudln’t understand their actions. for me, the depictions of depression, trauma, and parent/daughter relationships resonated so so deeply.
i particularly also loved how all the characters are so three-dimensional and fleshed out. none of them are black and white, they are all grey and nuanced. they do the wrong thing, they hurt other people - but they are all still likeable and understandable. their actions make sense. you can see their perspective and that everyone is trying their hardest.
family trauma
this book did such a good job of depicting the realities of living in an abusive household, growing up with family trauma. and especially depicting the heartbreaking ways in which the cycle repeats - all the ways in which indu and arch’s chapters paralleled, especially in the beginning. the sweat under the armpits. the desperation for her mum. the rejection by their father. arch giving sunny bad advice like her parents gave her. also appreciated highlighting that it wasn’t all awful. parents can be abusive but still love their children/mean well/be trying their hardest. but children still have a right to put in boundaries. people can do both good and bad things and neither erases/invalidates the other. the characters as unreliable narrators - how much is due to the abuse/them being children versus not wanting to admit/remember certain things etc. the different ways the characters cope with trauma - sunny is in complete denial/brushes it off. arch pushes everyone away/puts up a big wall to protect herself.
- “Wasn’t she allowed any respite from home? From the anger her parents dragged around with them? Why did she always have to be the witness to their fear and desperation? ”
- “There are things she’s forgotten, good things. All her memories are bad ones. Sunny has funny stories. And normal stories… ‘Seriously, Archie, it wasn’t that bad. You make it sound like we were poster children for the welfare department.’ Arch stares at him, puzzled. ‘No,’ she says. ‘It was that bad. It wasn’t just the beatings; it was the things he said. The way he always called me a liar, a disappointment, worthless. I haven’t made that up.’… Sunny takes a deep, shuddering breath. ‘I’m so confused, Archie. Did he do the same things to me? Why don’t I remember like you do?’ Arch softens her voice. ‘He didn’t come after you in the same way. It’s okay, Sunny. I’m not blaming you. Things were different for me, though, and you need to understand that.”
- “Arch crosses her arms. ‘I’m sorry, Sunny, but I can’t see him. I know you need my help, but I can’t do it. I hate him, Sunny. I fucking hate him. He didn’t tell anyone that it was me who found her. He took all the sympathy and he wanted to protect you, so he pretended and I didn’t know how to talk to him about it. I was so angry with him and also with her for leaving us. She was our mother, Sunny. Isn’t it a mother’s job to protect her children? She didn’t protect me from him, she couldn’t protect me at school and then finally she couldn’t even live long enough to see what would become of us.’ She looks down at her feet.”
‘my parents aren’t heroes, they’re just like me’
mother/daughter relationships - your mum as the one person you are desperate to have on your side. the heartbreak of your parents letting you down - not giving you the right advice, not being able to save you but always waiting and yearning for her to, not being able to read your silent messages. wanting your mum to yourself, not wanting to share her. the heartbreak of growing up and your parents stop becoming your heroes. the close connection with her mum. when they leave the party. to feel understood and cared for
- “Arch couldn’t believe it. Every time she’d complained to her father about racial bullying, he’d given her stupid lectures and advice. She should have gone to Amma all that time. Despite Amma’s sickness, she would have saved Arch. She thinks of how she walked alongside her mother on the pavement, proudly. Daring, waiting, for someone to make a move against them. She didn’t care about Amma’s salwar kameez anymore. For once in her life, she felt proud of her skin colour. She wasn’t a piece of shit; her mother had said so. In the dark bedroom of her house, Arch smiles. Perhaps, she’ll tell Zoe this story tomorrow. She loves that she can talk about Indu with her niece; loves that Sunny talks to his kids about their amma. Arch imagines Sunny’s face as he tells his kids about his mum. It might break her apart, but somehow, she’s starting to want that. Arch wants Amma back”
- “‘I feel better too,’ says Archana, looking into Indu’s eyes. There is a message here, but Indu can’t decipher it. ‘I used to speak to my mother. She was always there with me, with us. But lately she’s disappeared. I don’t know why. Sometimes, I think I’ll find her here, where there are no people.’ Indu is appalled at the stricken face of her daughter. ‘Archana, what’s wrong?’ ‘Your mother? I’m–I’m not talking about that. You don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, do you?’ Archana shakes her head, her face closing, eyes downcast. The familiar deadness traps Indu in a viscous embrace. She can’t understand her daughter. What is wrong with her? ‘Archana?’ she says. Archana has already stepped away, her face a mask of indifference.”
father/daughter relationships - not being ready to speak to your father who has hurt you so deeply. realising he was trying his best with what he knew at the time. but also that doesn’t excuse his behaviour and you’re allowed to have boundaries. i’m glad he realised he needed to apologise
- “He’s just as scared as her, but his fear manifested in violence. There was a period she felt hatred towards him, but now she understands. He was doing the best he could in the only way he knew.”
- “He gathers her in his arms, and she lets him. She doesn’t know how long they stand like that, but she is safe, and she can’t remember the last time she felt like this. She wants to crawl into his lap to be held, forever.”
- “‘What can I do? What can we do to put this family back together?’Arch shakes her head, sorrow closing its arms around her. ‘I don’t know. I’ve hated you for so long, I don’t know how to change it.’ He flinches at the word hate, but he keeps his eyes on her”
parents wanting their kids approval and love just as much as the kids do. all the heartbreaking times they come so close to connecting but don’t. the guilt of being a daughter who constantly pushes away a parent that is always trying. but knowing that even though they’re trying, they’ve also done deeply hurtful things. how to reconcile this? strong opinions weakly held. but also parents have the responsibility to heal things with their children - indu tellling vijay he has to apologise he’s the parent
- “When she scans her daughter’s face, she knows they’ve let her down. They gave her useless advice to cope with bullies at school and Vijay meted out cruel punishments when Archana needed hugs and tickles. Indu told her daughter to grow up when she needed to be told to stay young and enjoy the nicer things in life”
- learning ur parents don’t know everything etc
- “She won’t betray Archana’s trust. Perhaps in a few days she will speak to her daughter, as a friend, a confidante. There will be a new way between them, a new trust. Just like Indu, Archana will look back on this time with an unbearable ache once Indu has departed this world. Like Indu, she’ll yearn for her mother, wishing on everything she loves for just one more moment together.”
- “Sunny embraces his sister, both of them wrapped in a love that excludes Indu.”
mental health
mental health, particularly depression, was so accurately portrayed. not being romanticised/glamourised - the banality, exhaustion, grossness of it… her fathers dirty room, how her mum is found after killing herself, her mums thoughts…
- “She was fed up with Vijay’s black temper, his constant shouting, his hitting of their children. With herself for her apathy, for her inability to live life in colour the way she had in the past”
- “Then again, the thought of never seeing her family again brought a peculiar pleasure that she couldn’t bear. Perhaps it would be better for all of them if she were to leave this existence, be with her ma again.”
- “I do everything I can not to remember. Because when the memory comes it’s like I’m standing there and it’s happening all over again”
- “He knows the gods are not tormenting him. Therapy helped him recover from the delusions and madness that threatened to strangle him. He can’t recover from the grief, though. That does not seem possible. He misses Indu now as much as he ever did. He welcomes her visits, which started soon after she died. They are no longer acrimonious. She sits with him quietly, other times she laughs when she remembers something funny from their former life. She grows sombre when they discuss their children. That’s when she grows cold and distant. He’s asked her to plead for special dispensation. To be allowed to return to him for an hour or even a few minutes in the flesh so he can hold her just one more time. So he can say goodbye properly.” - could be read as a critique of the westernisation/eurocentricism of mental illness - is it always a bad thing?
healing and forgiving yourself
- forgiveness comes from within. it isn’t always realistic to get closure and to have people you have wronged to forgive you (e.g., arch and her dad, arch and casey). but you can still learn from it, apologise if possible, do better. you’re on your own kid, you always have been.
- “What I did was terrible, and I said some horrible things. But I was a kid really, and I was in over my head. I messed up, but surely there’s a statute of limitations on guilt”
- “Arch smiles at them, for the first time in her life contemplating how she can be free of this great weight that is slowly, surely, suffocating her.”
- “he found a way forward by going back”
- the realities of healing from trauma - it doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a journey. it’s not perfect. (e.g., still smoking/using substances despite therapy - it’s not all or nothing)
relationships and boundaries
- the love that the people in arch’s life have for her (jac, emma etc.) but also their love and respect for themselves. setting boundaries whilst also caring about arch.
- arch’s therapists respecting her boundaries about her dad, not forcing her to speak to him until she is ready. “dad, i am trying. but i’m not ready yet” dad always asking me for hugs but respecting my answer.
- “‘You like spending time fucking me. That I know. Arch, I’ve reached the end. I’ve spent all this time chasing you. Trying to make someone love you for that long is demoralising. I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not even saying we should live together, even though you know I want to. I’m saying you need to let me into your life, into your heart. You need to love me back. I deserve that”
- “I do support you. I’ve been supporting you since the day we met. I love you, Arch. But you make things difficult. I know you’re hurting, but what you’re doing isn’t going to stop that.’ ‘Oh, excuse me. I didn’t realise you were a therapist now.’ ‘You know what, Arch? I’m tired. I’m tired of giving and getting nothing back. Have you noticed how things have changed between us? What happened to that funny, smart girl who was my best friend? Hanging out with you is a constant journey into bitterness and hurt and anger. And I can’t take it anymore, Arch. You need help”
migration and race
- the irony of aussies tanning while being racist
- wanting to be like everyone else. wanting a real family
- the dehumanisation of trying to fit into a new place that doesn’t want you
- the difficulties of moving to a new county
- how much of her parents dislike for arch was because her struggling was a reminder of their struggles? whereas sunny, who adapted much easier, showed them they had made the right decision moving to australia
- think this book does a very good job of showing how racism can be both so obvious but hidden at the same time, can still be so present in 2025, and how deeply these experiences can affect your sense of self - arch’s deep hatred and shame, trying to get to the white under her brown skin
July 11, 2025
Her father, here. In her house, her sanctuary. Desecrating everything she has built so carefully.
this is such a feel-good book club type book with a conveniently happy ending in which all hurdles are glossed over and love solves everything.
so obviously, i found it extremely aggravating.
the main plot more or less revolves around archana being guilt tripped by everyone around her (except the ghost of her mother) into forgiving her physically and emotionally abusive father because he's sad and senile now that he's in his 70s and why can't she feel sympathy for him? damn, crazy how everyone is all up in her business now. how come nobody was around to ask him to feel sympathy for her when she was a teenage girl being beaten up by her grown ass father?
boohoo mr. sharma, you're saying you feel awful and depressed because your daughter avoids you when you want her to love you? imagine how she felt when she was 13 and wanted her father to love her but instead he ground her self esteem to dust and used her as a punching bag. but you see, he was really scared by "systemic racism, which is still happening you know" and "his fears manifested as violence" since he didn't have the tools to deal with it.
i'm supposed to feel sorry for this guy? i don't. archana was also dealing with systemic racism at school and also being beat up by her father in a foreign country she was just as new to. not falling for the cultural messaging around how women should forgive men once they grow a conscience thirty years too late. of course archana has to be depicted as "avoidant" and "incapable of opening herself up to love" because how can a woman move on with her life without the intervention of the mental health-industrial-complex gaslighting her into reconciliation with the men who have hurt her while pretending all of this is in her best interest, even when she protests. silly woman, what does she know about what she wants.
this book's obsession with forgiveness as a cure-all reachs its peak when vijay forgives his brother - the guy who was sexually harassing his wife to the point where she couldn't be alone at home without vijay around . you've lost me, ms rai, i can't take anything you say about relationships seriously.
the lesbian relationships in this book are equally insane. archana hooks up with this woman as a one night stand, making it clear she doesn't want a relationship - then this woman STEALS HER BUSINESS CARD to contact her again? they get into a relationship in which archana is predictably distant and then this woman starts yelling about how she's put so many kindness coins into archana that she deserves to be loved back! this is not to defend archana who is obviously avoidant and stringing this woman along - but what an equally deranged approach to relationships to think if you're nice enough to someone they owe you love back. then archana cheats on her with some nightclub rando and briefly agonizes about it - but the book ends with archana saying "i love you" to her and the cheating is never brought up again.
and do these writers get paid extra by their publishers if the lesbian character sleeps with a man? archana cheats on her first girlfriend with a man because "she wasn't sure if she was gay" even though she explicitly says that "the thought of sex with men is disgusting". in a book that completely glosses over homophobia too - archana has a five second freak out about how she can't be indian and gay too but her whole family and community is somehow totally accepting and it's never an issue, except that she has to wear dresses and sarees to family gatherings instead of her usual teen-boy fits.
instead archana's most pressing issue is lifelong harassment by uncreative racists calling her "towelhead" and "currymuncher" and other assorted names. racism is well and alive in australia but at the same time, archana is in sydney, one of the most multicultural cities on the planet, second only to toronto. this is really not how racism manifests and such a cartoonish depiction makes it impossible to take any of it seriously. to shake things up, indu is shown to struggle with her indomanic boss - and lest the reader miss it, the book goes out of its way to spell out what's happening.
Indu is an example of positive discrimination. Positive discrimination. What a degrading concept.
the writing is just .... not good. see: "He grips a flower of anger and blame, each petal holding an accusation." i don't know how people are calling this lyrical prose. this is as unornamented and simple as the english language gets. any simpler and we regress to first grade reading levels.
ok i can't commit any more hours of my life to this book or complaining about it. here's a thought though: why can't estranged lesbian daughters ever experience catharsis in these novels by setting their family home on fire instead of being lobotomized by female socialization and therapy into forgiveness to "heal their inner child" or whatever. at least that would be doing something different and interesting in this literary space. i'm bored of these BetterHelp adverts masquerading as novels.
July 7, 2025
A sense of heaviness infuses the story: ‘…worry is the fifth member of [the] family.’ It begins with Arch (Archana) in her forties, post-lockdown in 2022. She is living at the foot of the Blue Mountains and avoiding taking calls (from her brother) that mention her father. Her mother Indu is dead and she is quite estranged from her father Vijay. As the novel unfolds, the reasons become apparent, Vijay was a domineering and violent father with little empathy for Arch who experienced quite a lot of racism at school.
A secondary timeline from 1971 is woven in with the contemporary pieces. This timeline takes us through her parents’ marriage in India and the family’s migration to Australia. “But at the book’s heart is Arch and her uneasy path to adulthood. At ten years old, Arch observes how ‘silence grows steadily thicker around them till she wades through it most days, unable to reach anyone else’.” (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...) Her parents really struggle when they arrive in Australia. It’s hard to find jobs similar to those they had in Mumbai, and Indu in particular is very, very lonely.
In addition to feeling like an outsider, Arch is gay. Being gay in Australian culture can be alienating enough, let alone straddling both Indian and Australian cultures. One reviewer writes: “It is hard to carry love for your culture when it’s not dominant and is viewed as worthless, a joke or pitiable. This is compounded when you struggle to fit expectations—from family, from society—as Arch does as a queer Indian Australian. But it’s very possible to have deep love for your cultural heritage while also holding a critical lens to the negative aspects and bearing trauma.” (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...)
The pressure to reconnect with family increases as Vijay begins to display signs of ageing and memory loss. Arch is forced to consider what her responsibilities might be. It’s such a difficult period of life for people – managing their ageing parents – and this novel deals with it well.
I liked it a lot – it’s sensitively written and the character development is good – often I got irritated with Arch – but wanted to keep reading. In an interview, Rai said: “I hope readers will take a few things away from this story. The first thing is an understanding of the types of questions that someone like me gets asked almost every day, in terms of my identity, my cultural heritage. While it’s okay for me to answer them, it’s an experience that’s almost daily and frequent and it’s not always great to be having to explain myself. I suppose as a sense of empathy for readers. Most of all I hope readers will enjoy the story, I hope they find points of connection with these characters, and I hope they love the journey that I take them on.“ (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...)
A secondary timeline from 1971 is woven in with the contemporary pieces. This timeline takes us through her parents’ marriage in India and the family’s migration to Australia. “But at the book’s heart is Arch and her uneasy path to adulthood. At ten years old, Arch observes how ‘silence grows steadily thicker around them till she wades through it most days, unable to reach anyone else’.” (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...) Her parents really struggle when they arrive in Australia. It’s hard to find jobs similar to those they had in Mumbai, and Indu in particular is very, very lonely.
In addition to feeling like an outsider, Arch is gay. Being gay in Australian culture can be alienating enough, let alone straddling both Indian and Australian cultures. One reviewer writes: “It is hard to carry love for your culture when it’s not dominant and is viewed as worthless, a joke or pitiable. This is compounded when you struggle to fit expectations—from family, from society—as Arch does as a queer Indian Australian. But it’s very possible to have deep love for your cultural heritage while also holding a critical lens to the negative aspects and bearing trauma.” (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...)
The pressure to reconnect with family increases as Vijay begins to display signs of ageing and memory loss. Arch is forced to consider what her responsibilities might be. It’s such a difficult period of life for people – managing their ageing parents – and this novel deals with it well.
I liked it a lot – it’s sensitively written and the character development is good – often I got irritated with Arch – but wanted to keep reading. In an interview, Rai said: “I hope readers will take a few things away from this story. The first thing is an understanding of the types of questions that someone like me gets asked almost every day, in terms of my identity, my cultural heritage. While it’s okay for me to answer them, it’s an experience that’s almost daily and frequent and it’s not always great to be having to explain myself. I suppose as a sense of empathy for readers. Most of all I hope readers will enjoy the story, I hope they find points of connection with these characters, and I hope they love the journey that I take them on.“ (https://www.killyourdarlings.com.au/a...)
January 26, 2025
A stunning debut that I consumed in less than 48 hours. This book is one of those that stays with you for a long while. Literary fiction with a cracking story that is a page-turner. Archana, Vijay and Indu's stories radiated from a tale that crosses multiple timelines, in both India and Australia. Archana's voice in particular bristles with a hot crackle of energy and light - I kept wanting to reach into the pages to reassure her and offer her a tight embrace. The moments of joy pierced me and made me laugh and smile. Natasha's critique is subtle and not preachy, and there are such beautiful moments of pause and reflection, and scenes I will never forget. I can't wait to see Natasha Rai's name up in lights in Australia's literary scene (and beyond) for many long years to come. Go and absorb this one, you won't regret it.
April 10, 2025
This book is moving and heartbreaking in equal measure. The stories of two generations of Indian family and how their lives were shaped by their relocation to Australia. It was also disturbing and deeply sad in terms of all the racism they experienced and how their lives were shaped by a tragedy and how that trauma affected Arch. The reconnection at the end had me in tears. I loved the ending and literally read it in three sittings. I love a book I can't out down that provokes so much emotion.
June 13, 2025
Natasha Rai’s An Onslaught of Light is a strong debut that tackles depression, racism and self-loathing with honesty and sensitivity. Arch and Vijay are compelling, layered characters whose stories feel authentic and emotionally resonant.
While the novel’s pacing falters toward the end and could benefit from a tighter edit, Rai’s nuanced exploration of complex themes make this a powerful and promising first novel.
While the novel’s pacing falters toward the end and could benefit from a tighter edit, Rai’s nuanced exploration of complex themes make this a powerful and promising first novel.
November 30, 2025
An Onslaught of Light is an astonishing debut - one that cracked my heart open again and again, only to gently stitch it back together. Natasha writes with lyrical force. Every sentence is a pleasure to read, even when it leads into the dark corners of migration, family fracture, loneliness and childhood hurt.
This novel is hopeful without being naïve or simplistic, confronting without being bleak. A beautiful, powerful novel. Everyone should read this book.
This novel is hopeful without being naïve or simplistic, confronting without being bleak. A beautiful, powerful novel. Everyone should read this book.
June 25, 2025
My heart ached for this family, their fates, and their decisions.
Although at times I would be annoyed over the predictability of the actions of the main character, this also showed me how into the book I had gotten. The ending was a bit too well-adjusted but maybe I thought that because I had forgotten that the journey to get there was long, arduous, and at many points felt impossible.
Although at times I would be annoyed over the predictability of the actions of the main character, this also showed me how into the book I had gotten. The ending was a bit too well-adjusted but maybe I thought that because I had forgotten that the journey to get there was long, arduous, and at many points felt impossible.
June 24, 2025
This was an emotionally charged read..it had everything...family trials & tribulations, a gay daughter, domestic violence, racism and mental health.
A powerful debut and NR is an authort to look out for !
A powerful debut and NR is an authort to look out for !
October 6, 2025
What a rich debut- loved the different characters’ perspectives, the weaving of past into present, and the way these characters, ultimately, make it through their pain. A heartbreaking and beautiful examination of belonging, home and family.
April 5, 2025
Not a bad read but drags in the middle
May 21, 2025
wow…this was an onslaught (of my emotions)
so sad and beautiful
so sad and beautiful
August 27, 2025
An incisive look at the Indian-Australian immigrant experience, told with such emotional honesty across generations. A lovely debut, and here’s to a long and accomplished literary career ahead!
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