You, Your Husband, and His Mother: Create a Healthy Relationship with Your Mother-in-Law--and Your Spouse--in Five Simple Steps

by Tracy Dalgleish

Break unhealthy patterns, set boundaries, and resolve conflicts with your mother-in-law, for a stronger marriage and a happier life

You don’t just marry your spouse, you marry their family—and dealing with your in-laws isn’t always easy. Women in particular often find themselves trapped in a toxic cycle with their mothers-in-law, doomed to feel like either a victim or a villain no matter what they do. In this indispensable resource, clinical psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Tracy Dalgleish helps women step outside the victim/villain binary and forge a healthy relationship with their mother-in-law that aligns with and prioritizes their marriage and overall well-being. Using Dr. Tracy’s tried-and-true, five-step VAULT method, readers will learn the type of MIL they have, help develop mutual respect for boundaries, and most of all, feel like they’re on the same team, with their partner and with the larger family. Reclaim your power, strengthen your relationship, and solve your in-law problems once and for all with You, Your Husband, and His Mother.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology

304 pages, Hardcover

Published November 4, 2025

About the author

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. She is the creator of Be Connected Digital, where she teaches people all over the world how to have healthy relationships.Her work has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, Forbes, and Time, and her research has appeared in peer-reviewed academic journals. Dr. Tracy’s upcoming book, You, Your Husband, and His Mother, will be released Fall 2025. She is the author of the book I Didn't Sign Up for This and the host of the top-100 parenting podcast Dear Dr. Tracy. The owner of the mental health clinic Integrated Wellness, she lives in Ottawa with her husband and two children.

Reviews

[Michelle Dollin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book so helpful for thinking about all of my relationships, including with myself. There are so many great examples, exercises, and reminders that I just ordered a physical copy after listening to the audiobook so that I can refer back to certain parts.

[Hailey Shoemaker · Rating 5 out of 5]

The MIL/DIL dynamic can be so tricky. Highly recommend for all women in either of these roles! The more you know, the better you do!

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful and includes scripts on how to respond to a difficult MIL. If you’re interested in reading this, I think it’s important to note that a lot of the exercises in the book involve asking your partner questions…so if your partner doesn’t know how you feel about your MIL that could be a little awkward.
I do wish the author talked more about how to heal resentment toward a MIL.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really impressed with this book. Solid research-based advice. I can tell it’s written by a psychologist (I am one, too, so I’m biased!). It’s about so much more than just your mother-in-law. Any extended family issues would benefit from the advice in this book, and just a lot of general marriage issues, too. I listened to this and did not enjoy the audiobook experience, as I do not think the author was a good narrator, but I will be buying the physical copy as a reference.

[Kristen Sotzing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. T put confusing and complex daughter/MIL relationships into words. She validated my feelings and helped me understand some of my own challenging dynamics with my MIL. 10/10!

[Breanne Muñoz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! A lot of information to remember and put into practice!

[Kirsti · Rating 5 out of 5]

I should start off by saying that my mother-in-law is a gem. She is smart and funny and doesn't tell me what to do. But I enjoy listening to psychology audiobooks, and I figured I would pick up some pointers. Here's what I learned:

• Your husband's family dynamic existed long before you married into the family—probably it existed before you were even born. That point seems obvious, but I had never thought about it.

• I had heard the term "triangulation," but I didn't really know what it meant. When your MIL has a problem with your husband and involves you, that is triangulation. It's an attempt to bring in a third person to help stabilize the relationship between the first two people. So if your MIL says, "How is my son's cholesterol level?" the wise answer is probably, "You should ask him about that." BUT daughters-in-law can triangulate too, such as when your husband says, "Mom says we aren't sleep training our son properly" and you are tempted to say to him, "Isn't she awful???" It is usually wiser to say to your husband, "And how do you feel about that?"

• Many people don't really understand what it means to set a boundary. A boundary is something you set on your own behavior, not someone else's behavior. Here is a boundary: "If your mother tells me again that I should stay home with the kids and not go back to my office job, then I will gather up the kids and leave within five minutes, even if this happens in the middle of dinner." Many people think "Tell your mother to stop commenting on my career" is setting a boundary, but it is actually making a request. You can certainly make a request, but you can't force other adults to behave the way you would like them to.

• Your husband is free to say "That's just how she is" or "I don't want to hear about this" or "You two need to figure out how to get along." But the longer he avoids dealing with this, the harder it will be to fix.

• As with so many things in life, it makes sense for you and your spouse to plan what you will say and do. How will you respond to criticism from your MIL and/or attempts at triangulation? What will your husband do if his mother criticizes you behind your back? How will you both avoid being drawn into your MIL's conflicts with other siblings or family members? Can you skip some or all gatherings of his side of the family? If your attendance is required at some events, can you decide in advance how long you both will stay?

[A B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an amazing resource for families, especially if the ultimate goal is to come together and prosper. Dr. Tracy's writing is clean, crisp, and engaging, and even though I haven't finished the whole book (yet!), I know the VAULT method is going to be something to continue to come back to. There isn't another book like this, and I love that the goal is to build connection and bridges rather than perpetuating division and difficulty. The MIL-DIL relationship is one of the most talked about and with such a negative connotation...until now! With each page, people will be left with feeling such hope, because there are *finally* tools. Thank you, Dr. Tracy!

[Tanya Cotler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Smart, funny, and deeply validating. Dr. Tracy D shines a compassionate light on the triangle so many couples navigate—between self, partner, and family. As both a psychologist and a reader, I found myself moved, laughing, and learning in equal measure.
Thank you Dr Tracy for this book!!!
- Dr Tanya Cotler, @drcotler

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Had to gobble this one up before Thanksgiving 🤣

I think this was very well done. I appreciated how this wasn’t only targeted to the MIL/DIL dynamic but for the husband/wife dynamic. There were some juicy nuggets of wisdom that I’ll definitely refer back to. I love how she had scripts for different types of people and situations. This is a must read for those with any type of MIL.

[Shelby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! The exercises and questions throughout were so helpful and thought provoking. I also loved the letter to your husband at the back. It had great points. Overall a very enjoyable read and I would highly recommend for any of my friends!

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of reflection questions to think through individually/as a couple. Would be a great resource for people in premarital counseling.

[Katie Hufford · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best personal development book of the year. So many good food for thought examples

[Elisabeth Warner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so helpful and validating! It has lots of questions you can reflect on and work through with your spouse, so you two are on the same team. I’ll be coming back to this one for sure!

[E.C. W · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook listen. A great framework to help you navigate the complicated MIL relationship and any difficult extended family relationships that try your patience and push your buttons.