The Corn Dildo From Outer Space

Captain Future #1

by Tabatha H. Houston

An alternate cover edition can be found here.

Genre: Pulp Science Fiction Erotica

What happens when aliens arrive promising technology if you can pass a simple test?

Is it really so simple and why is it necessary for Captain Future to stick a corn cob there deep inside her?

This 6,000+ word erotica contains detailed descriptions of hot corn cob loving including masturbation and vaginal situations. It is intended for the enjoyment of adult readers only (especially those who love science fiction outer space pulp erotica with a bit of humor).

40 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 7, 2014

Reviews

[karen]

if the machalos will have me, i will be reading corn porn in the safety of their numbers.

if not, i will be reading corn porn alone.



either way, there will be corn porn.

two notes:

1) this will be my second vegetable-based erotic story. jealous?

2) dear god, do NOT google image search "corn porn." and i know at least five of you will do just that. just don't come crying to me afterwards wailing about the niblets that cannot be unseen.

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 1 out of 5]

✌️ Yet another Fearless Buddy Read (FBR™) courtesy of the Depraved MacHalo Freaks ✌️

I've read tons of crap in my life: good old Pieces of Crap (PoC™), Stupidly Stupid Pieces of Crap (SSPoC™), Highly Flammable Pieces of Crap (HFPoC™), and even Stupidly Stupid Highly Flammable Ground-Breaking Pieces of Crap (SSHFGBPoC™). But Veggie Porn Pieces of Crap (VPPoC™)? Now that's a first.



Exactly.

Before I started reading this scientific masterpiece, I thought I was in for some very cool organic I bet you just read "orgasmic" instead of organic. What a bunch of pervs. veggie times. And what did I get? A whole bunch of blah blah blah crap (49% of the book), 2 seconds of less than glorious corn on the cob masturbation (1% of the book), and previews for other masterpieces in this series (the remaining 50% of the book). If that isn't a total orgasmic organic rip-off, I don't know what is. I am not happy.



Not orgasmic organic AT ALL. This story should have made me feel like this:



But it made me feel like this:



KILL THE CORN!! KILL ALL THE CORN!!

This was such a Crappy Piece of Science Fiction Corn Porn (CPoSFCP™), that there wasn't a single alien to be had, either. And I'm not even talking about blue aliens here. Just your plain, regular, boring extraterrestrial creep would have done just fine. Well even that was too much to ask. Adding some good old alien probing to the story was obviously too complex a plot twist for our delightfully talented author. And this literary masterpiece could indeed have been salvaged! All the author needed to do was bring in the carrots! Because, frankly, there's nothing quite like carrot porn.







Alas, no carrot porn was to be had here. RIP-OFF, RIP-OFF, RIP-OFF, I tell you.

➽ And the moral of this non-review is:



➽ And the other moral of this non-review is: forget about Crappy Corn Porn (CCP™), go buy a teddy bear.



♦ MacHalo Reading Challenge 2016 ♦

#1 -A book you choose just because of the cover.

[Karlyflower *The Vampire Ninja, Luminescent Monster & Wendigo Nerd Goddess of Canada (according to The Hulk)*]

CQ last night: "Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?"

VN: "Ummmmm, this is going to be racist isn't it?"

CQ: "because they can't even"

VN: *head sushi table*

[Monty Cupcake ☠ Queen of Bloodshed ☠ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Another perverted BR with the MacHalos. It's all Karen's fault.

Captain Future - First woman to fuck herself with an ear of corn on an alien spaceship.

This is all Karen's fault. She joined the group and started peddling smut to our previously innocent selves. The teddy bear book was disturbing, but this was boring. Boring, boring, boring. Who would've thought the teddy bear porn would be better than corn porn.

Corn porn story is all about a very boring chick with the last name Future with the rank of captain = Captain Future. She is invited to an alien spaceship & along with others, has to solve puzzles & past tests or die. Her solution to one test - to use her horniness to power the ship.

But her fingers aren't enough to give her the oomph she needs to power the ship. What ever could she do to aid her in this?

That's right, CORN to the rescue. She uses a cob of corn in her corn hole, and no, I don't mean her mouth. That'd be logical. This book is anti-logic. So the poor ear of corn gets cornponed.

The end. She saves the world with cornponing herself with some corn. Boring. And NO ALIENS! This was set in outer space, but no aliens. She could've banged herself with corn back on earth. Nothing special happened. Again, boring happened.
You know what happens in 9 months, right?

How you feel after this story or even just reading the title:


Thanks to Sarah for organizing this atrocity and genocide of my desire to eat corn.

[Lea]

As usual, this is for science. Hopefully this time there won't be any false advertising (Mermen, I'm looking at you) and we really will get corn fucking and aliens.

[Cindy Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good short erotic story makes you tingle in all the right places. A GREAT erotic short story makes you want to hear about the characters even after you are 'finished' (ahem).

This story definitely falls in the later category. It's hot and sexy, but also witty and delightfully fun. If you are a fan of pulp sci fi or RiffTrax then this story will no doubt hook you and make you long for a whole series of Captain Future. I for one, can't wait for the next installment!

[Inga Celvina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Personally, books like this turn me on.