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Clouds Far Behind Me: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and the Path to Resilience
At age forty-one, Lori LoCicero had everything she ever dreamed of—two young children, a loving husband, and a flourishing business.
Then, a shocking pancreatic cancer diagnosis changed everything.
After a year-long battle, her husband, Joe, died, abruptly thrusting her into a strange world with a devastating new Widow. Losing her identity as a wife, parenting partner, and business collaborator left her adrift in a sea of numbness as the harsh realities of widowhood took hold. Each day was a challenge as she navigated relentless waves of grief while learning how to survive on her own. Reluctantly at first, she began to trust her intuition, gradually accepting and appreciating the valuable lessons around her. With the help of a surfboard, signs from beyond, and some rather persistent spiders, she ultimately found inner strength and a renewed appreciation for life and its possibilities.
Told with heart-wrenching honesty and unexpected humor, Clouds Far Behind Me is a vibrant and uplifting memoir that follows one woman's journey from unimaginable tragedy to emotional triumph.
Then, a shocking pancreatic cancer diagnosis changed everything.
After a year-long battle, her husband, Joe, died, abruptly thrusting her into a strange world with a devastating new Widow. Losing her identity as a wife, parenting partner, and business collaborator left her adrift in a sea of numbness as the harsh realities of widowhood took hold. Each day was a challenge as she navigated relentless waves of grief while learning how to survive on her own. Reluctantly at first, she began to trust her intuition, gradually accepting and appreciating the valuable lessons around her. With the help of a surfboard, signs from beyond, and some rather persistent spiders, she ultimately found inner strength and a renewed appreciation for life and its possibilities.
Told with heart-wrenching honesty and unexpected humor, Clouds Far Behind Me is a vibrant and uplifting memoir that follows one woman's journey from unimaginable tragedy to emotional triumph.
378 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 7, 2025
14 people are currently reading
17 people want to read
About the author
Lori LoCicero
3 books2 followersLori LoCicero is a Los Angeles–based writer and director with a diverse portfolio that spans television pilots, celebrated short films, and books. Her work includes contributions to numerous productions for Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros., Disney, and the Food Network. Lori is also the co-creator of The Death Deck and E•O•L Deck—irreverent yet important card games that help others talk about and prepare for the end of life.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
May 27, 2025
Dear Joe,
I wish I could have met you in person - but I'm grateful your wonderful, talented wife Lori shared about your kindness, creativity, and perseverance in her memoir so I could get to know who you are. I'm so very sorry your family must find a way to go on without you - cancer sucks, and grief sucks - yet both are sadly, a part of this world we live in. I'm grateful that you showed Lori you are always here through the many signs you share. And I agree with Lori, in the truth of your signs that enabled her to find hope where there was little hope to persevere. You continue to show her all the love you shared in so many ways, and with her own strength through her grief journey, this surely allows her to keep you close in heart. Her journey through your diagnosis, treatment, death, celebration of life, and the forever after was so well described, heartfelt and heartbreaking, and I'm sure your wife's words will support others on the same journey - and readers who know others fighting against other unwanted challenges that often come with this life on earth.
I am so grateful to have loving memories during college that include your wife, and her steadfast villager Katrina. And the support by Lori's little sister Stefanie at your celebration of life, was one of many instances that brought me to tears in this beautiful memoir. Lori is so lucky to have her village around her, and I'm grateful to be part of the periphery in her suburbs.
Oh Joe, I am sitting here crying as I write this letter to you, wishing that grief wasn't often so nearly impossible - and often transformative. Lori's metamorphosis will be a guidemap for others, and I've already promised my copy of her book to my own little sister Lisa, who also lost her loving husband Joe, to cancer also.
Do me a favor from your perch, please, and look for a tall blonde hair, blue eyed 18 year old named Trevor, and thank him for the rainbows and other signs he often sends me too. I have no doubt your paths will cross now that I'm putting this into words. Trevor has also sent me the same message that Don gave Lori: "By clinging to the past and not letting go, or clinging to what no longer serves you, you are unable to be nourished by the present moment. ...Until you can accept what is, you cannot move into what might be."
Sending hugs up to heaven, and love and hugs to your beautiful, witty, talented, snarky and loving wife, and your children and all others who know and love you. May we all get to the point where we can drink the panda.
xoxo and AOT,
Michelle
I wish I could have met you in person - but I'm grateful your wonderful, talented wife Lori shared about your kindness, creativity, and perseverance in her memoir so I could get to know who you are. I'm so very sorry your family must find a way to go on without you - cancer sucks, and grief sucks - yet both are sadly, a part of this world we live in. I'm grateful that you showed Lori you are always here through the many signs you share. And I agree with Lori, in the truth of your signs that enabled her to find hope where there was little hope to persevere. You continue to show her all the love you shared in so many ways, and with her own strength through her grief journey, this surely allows her to keep you close in heart. Her journey through your diagnosis, treatment, death, celebration of life, and the forever after was so well described, heartfelt and heartbreaking, and I'm sure your wife's words will support others on the same journey - and readers who know others fighting against other unwanted challenges that often come with this life on earth.
I am so grateful to have loving memories during college that include your wife, and her steadfast villager Katrina. And the support by Lori's little sister Stefanie at your celebration of life, was one of many instances that brought me to tears in this beautiful memoir. Lori is so lucky to have her village around her, and I'm grateful to be part of the periphery in her suburbs.
Oh Joe, I am sitting here crying as I write this letter to you, wishing that grief wasn't often so nearly impossible - and often transformative. Lori's metamorphosis will be a guidemap for others, and I've already promised my copy of her book to my own little sister Lisa, who also lost her loving husband Joe, to cancer also.
Do me a favor from your perch, please, and look for a tall blonde hair, blue eyed 18 year old named Trevor, and thank him for the rainbows and other signs he often sends me too. I have no doubt your paths will cross now that I'm putting this into words. Trevor has also sent me the same message that Don gave Lori: "By clinging to the past and not letting go, or clinging to what no longer serves you, you are unable to be nourished by the present moment. ...Until you can accept what is, you cannot move into what might be."
Sending hugs up to heaven, and love and hugs to your beautiful, witty, talented, snarky and loving wife, and your children and all others who know and love you. May we all get to the point where we can drink the panda.
xoxo and AOT,
Michelle
May 4, 2025
Book Review: Clouds Far Behind Me by Lori LoCicero
In this gut-wrenching memoir, Lori LoCicero takes readers through the devastating experience of losing her husband to pancreatic cancer in his early 40’s. With two young children and a life that seemed just to be hitting its stride, Lori finds herself “gobsmacked” into the role of caregiver, witness, and eventually widow. What makes this account particularly powerful is its refusal to romanticize or sanitize the experience of watching someone you love die.
The raw honesty with which Lori describes her husband’s home death and her subsequent grief is both difficult to read and impossible to put down. She doesn’t shy away from describing the physical toll of caregiving, the emotional complexity of anticipatory grief, or sheer depletion-both mental and physical-that follows such a profound loss.
Perhaps most valuable is the author’s documentation of the next year following her husband’s death. Grief literature often focuses on the immediate aftermath of loss, but Lori takes us further, showing how grief evolves rather than resolves. Her description of rebuilding a life while parenting two grieving children offers a roadmap for those experiencing similar losses-not as a how-to guide, but as assurance that survival is possible even when it feels impossible.
As a reader, I found myself grieving alongside Lori. This is not passive reading; it’s an immersive emotional experience that creates a profound connection between the writer and her audience. Through her words, we become witnesses not just to her pain but to her gradual journey toward healing.
For anyone who has experienced profound loss-or seeks to understand those who have-this book offers a compassionate hand to hold through the darkness.
In this gut-wrenching memoir, Lori LoCicero takes readers through the devastating experience of losing her husband to pancreatic cancer in his early 40’s. With two young children and a life that seemed just to be hitting its stride, Lori finds herself “gobsmacked” into the role of caregiver, witness, and eventually widow. What makes this account particularly powerful is its refusal to romanticize or sanitize the experience of watching someone you love die.
The raw honesty with which Lori describes her husband’s home death and her subsequent grief is both difficult to read and impossible to put down. She doesn’t shy away from describing the physical toll of caregiving, the emotional complexity of anticipatory grief, or sheer depletion-both mental and physical-that follows such a profound loss.
Perhaps most valuable is the author’s documentation of the next year following her husband’s death. Grief literature often focuses on the immediate aftermath of loss, but Lori takes us further, showing how grief evolves rather than resolves. Her description of rebuilding a life while parenting two grieving children offers a roadmap for those experiencing similar losses-not as a how-to guide, but as assurance that survival is possible even when it feels impossible.
As a reader, I found myself grieving alongside Lori. This is not passive reading; it’s an immersive emotional experience that creates a profound connection between the writer and her audience. Through her words, we become witnesses not just to her pain but to her gradual journey toward healing.
For anyone who has experienced profound loss-or seeks to understand those who have-this book offers a compassionate hand to hold through the darkness.
January 4, 2026
This book is one woman's honest experience with finding out her husband had cancer, his journey of trying to treat it, and ultimately his death and the emotional fall out of grief. The author does an amazing job of illustrating what an amazing man her husband Joe was. I left feeling like I knew him; the author truly captured his zest for life and his big heart. It also was a beautiful love story of a marriage that was probably one of the closest to perfect I have seen. No wonder his loss was so completely devastating. It is raw and honest, but readers should go into this knowing that this book is not meant to primarily provide spiritual insight, inspiration or hope.
Despite the optimistic looking cover and title, this is a story primarily about one person's grief. For her, this included complaining about simple things not going her way, spiritual confusion, lamenting the unfairness of it all, and blaming others for not living up to her expectations. These are all very normal, real reactions and completely understandable, but readers should go in knowing that this is not a book that is going to leave you feeling uplifted. That is not the purpose of this book and that is ok.
If you are looking for books that discuss the topic of death and dying, I recommend the following list. These have all inspired me to approach death in a way that helps me make peace with it and its inevitability.
"Briefly Perfectly Human"
"Atlas of the Heart"
"When Breath Becomes Air"
"Being Mortal"
"Tuesdays with Morrie"
"The Last Lecture"
Despite the optimistic looking cover and title, this is a story primarily about one person's grief. For her, this included complaining about simple things not going her way, spiritual confusion, lamenting the unfairness of it all, and blaming others for not living up to her expectations. These are all very normal, real reactions and completely understandable, but readers should go in knowing that this is not a book that is going to leave you feeling uplifted. That is not the purpose of this book and that is ok.
If you are looking for books that discuss the topic of death and dying, I recommend the following list. These have all inspired me to approach death in a way that helps me make peace with it and its inevitability.
"Briefly Perfectly Human"
"Atlas of the Heart"
"When Breath Becomes Air"
"Being Mortal"
"Tuesdays with Morrie"
"The Last Lecture"
April 23, 2025
Lori has a true gift of putting experience to written word so that others can know and learn from her journey. Not only was I there first-hand to witness much of this journey, but through her writing, I was able to learn even more about her beloved Joe, their time together before the diagnosis, the excruciating time during his brief illness, and her sojourn after. Lori has taught me much about how to support those who have lost a loved one, and I am so very thankful that she, Dalton, and Garcy let me witness their pain and growth first-hand. Although it was not a journey any of us wanted to go on, she can teach many of us how to navigate that path when it is upon us. Because although we may not all experience this in the same devastating manner that she (they) did, we are all going to experience death and grief. Thank you, Lori, for putting your experience into words. Not to mention, in my favorite genre of books...memoir!
August 10, 2025
This book made me cry so hard I’m pretty sure a piece of snot got lodged into my eye — think that’s impossible? Give the book a go ahead and don’t come crawling to me when you’re also a blubbering mess.
But in all seriousness, from a completely unbiased source, this is the best gift one could ever receive. I love you mom, I’m sorry to put you through all I have, but I’m lucky to have you.
And anyone else lucky enough to get their hands on a copy of Clouds Far Behind Me will be another fortunate receiver of your wonderful words and inspiring—while at times heartbreaking—storytelling, humor, and insight.
But in all seriousness, from a completely unbiased source, this is the best gift one could ever receive. I love you mom, I’m sorry to put you through all I have, but I’m lucky to have you.
And anyone else lucky enough to get their hands on a copy of Clouds Far Behind Me will be another fortunate receiver of your wonderful words and inspiring—while at times heartbreaking—storytelling, humor, and insight.
July 28, 2025
Powerful, sad and beautiful
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to write a memoir such as this one. The very sad dying of her husband, the intense and intentional grieving after the death. And gradually and with intention coming alive again. Her Buddhist background shows through actions how to walk through such trauma.
Well done though I did skim parts before renewal but near the end. Perhaps the memoir was all too real for me.
I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to write a memoir such as this one. The very sad dying of her husband, the intense and intentional grieving after the death. And gradually and with intention coming alive again. Her Buddhist background shows through actions how to walk through such trauma.
Well done though I did skim parts before renewal but near the end. Perhaps the memoir was all too real for me.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews