Smoke and Mirrors

Smoke and Mirrors #1

by Lillian T. MacGowan

Firefighter Frank “Deck” Dekker was just doing his job when he saved Dr. Naim Moreau’s life, the last thing he expected was to lose his heart! But he can’t resist his quiet, mysterious doctor, nor does he want to. He wants to make a life with Naim--preferably locked away in his apartment worshipping each other like they were meant to be. Because they are.

Things aren’t as clear for Naim. His past haunts him to his soul, and he would rather die than let Deck seem him the way he sees himself. Being honest with Deck and showing his true face could cause him to lose Deck forever. But is it possible that just maybe Deck will see another man? A beautiful man? And what price is Naim willing to pay to take that chance?

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Abuse, Romance, Firefighters, Doctors, M M Contemporary

337 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 22, 2014

About the author

You can usually find Lily MacGowan reading, knitting herself into the sofa, or writing. Lily has been a carpenter, a circus aerialist, a Sunset Strip club kid and a corporate mogul, but she gave all that up to teach middle school on the east coast and is happier than ever. Lily’s hobbies include food, household renovations and avoiding laundry. She’s a huge fan of comfy jammies and happily ever after.

Reviews

[Barbara➰ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to my friend Lyn for putting this on my radar. Once I got used to the writing (and it took me quite a while actually) I rather liked it. It was swoony, funny, sexy, sad and frustrating.

Deck is this big bear of a firefighter who is like a huge kid. He thinks he's not smart. But really he is just in other ways. He's lovable and mothering and nurturing. He loves hard and deep. He's funny and he cusses...a lot. He never imagined he'd meet the love of his life by saving his life. He lifts Niam up every chance he gets. He's perfect.

"...you deserve more than just a big, dumb asshole like me to support you and be there for your shit, and tell you you’re an amazing fucking warrior of the fucking underworld."~Deck

Niam is an emergency surgeon at the local hospital. After Deck saves his life in a fire, Niam, in all his cockiness, turns around and saves Deck. I had a little harder time warming up to Niam. Well, I liked him a first, but then he started to grate on my nerves with his self-flagellation and general depressive thoughts. He had a rough life growing up. I get that. And my heart ached and I cried for him. But here he has this perfect guy in Deck. I was afraid Deck would just get tired of it all and move on. But that's not Deck. We do get to see growth in Niam, just not as fast as I would like. It was a very gradual progression with the big realization at the end. Several times I wanted to just slap him.

They're a great couple and they just work. I will definitely be moving on to book 2 to see how these guys keep working as a couple.

"Their hands, as always, were wrapped in each other, and Naim was starting to get used to kissing Deck hello when he arrived, good-bye when he left, and I-don’t-know-what-this-is-but-I-don’t-care-just-keep-kissing-me in between."

[Lyn❤Loves❤Listening to Real Voices Only!!!!❤️🎧📚 Addict ON HIATUS · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars round down because of the over use of the phrase “ya know”. It annoyed me a hell of a lot more than constant cursing that happens in this book. Expect A LOT of cursing. Also, it took a while for me to warm up to the secondary characters. At first, I found myself rolling my eyes at their wiseass and somewhat juvenile behavior. As I read on, I found myself laughing and enjoying their foolishness.

The biggest win of this book were the MCs themselves. Deck is Fireman. He’s 6’4 220 lbs of solid muscle (of course!). But he is like an overgrown puppy who is silly, playful, protective and crazy devoted. At times he is overwhelming but there is no resisting him. Naim is a doctor. He’s quiet and reserved with a past that makes him feel unworthy of love. These two together had me swoony. They deserve all the stars.

[*J* Too Many Books Too Little Time · Rating 4 out of 5]

4--Touching--Stars!!

This book wasn't at all what I was expecting. It was a very emotional read. From the way Naim and Deck meet, to how they fall in love, to their sexual encounters. Very sensual. Heart-breaking at times, heavy at times. But very real and beautiful.



Naim had deep scars. Scars from his past. Scars that he still carried. Scars that he didn't think anyone could see past.

But Deck didn't care about the scars. He saw past the scars. He saw a man that overcame his past.



Deck was like a big teddy bear. He was so full of life and love. It was definitely insta-love for Deck....but that was part of Deck's larger than life personality. Everything he did he did big.

But at the same time, their realtionship grew at a slower pace. Deck knew that Naim had sadness and pain from his past. He was kind and patient and caring with Naim. He was considerate of what Naim went through.



Naim was honest with Deck about his past and all that he had gone through. Naim never believed anyone could love him...all of him. Naim really struggled with the person he was, with the person he is.



The sex while hot, was also very emotional and sweet. Naim and Deck made me smile. My heart broke for what Naim experienced.

This one was a bit slower paced then I prefer and maybe a little too detailed at times. But the underlying story was really beautiful.

[Gigi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ding ding ding ding! And we have a winner! Ridiculously hot, emotional sex anyway-you-like-it between an emotional basket case of a Firefighter and an even bigger emotional basket case of a ER Surgeon. I was fucking BLOWN AWAY by the level of intimacy between these MCs. It seriously rivals my favorite (as of right now. I change my mind daily.) M/M romance book The Final Line's sex scene status. Emotional hurt/healing/comfort doesn't get much better than this.

After reading the blurb for this book, I wasn't really sure what I was getting myself into. But the fact that I'll read just about anything, good or bad, within the firefighter genre had me buying this one and giving it a try. I was lost/clueless during the first 20% of the book and really not at all sure where the author was taking us, but things started to clear up quite a bit at around 25%. I now believe the author meant to be vague in the blurb to keep some of the past emotional traumas a secret until she was ready to reveal them for some extra punch. (Um, it worked! Both of these boys have suffered greatly and deserved a bit of sunshine.) What I can tell you is that this story is about a doctor, Dr. Naim Moreau, who is very much a loner and has not been in a relationship in many years. His only friends are a few people he works with at the hospital and he has no family. The other MC in the story is a big, buff Firefighter named Frank “Deck” Dekker, who is much more social and has many friends, but prefers his sexual relationships to be casual and has no desire to "settle down". He also has no family. The two men meet the night Nain's non-profit medical clinic in a seedy part of town catches fire and Naim helps Deck save an old man, sacrificing himself. Deck refuses to let Naim die, so he runs back into the building to rescue him, against orders. He successfully saves Naim, but ends up being impaled through the chest by a pipe during his act of heroism. Naim returns to favor of saving Deck's life by removing the pipe in the ER. And so the story of these two men getting to know one another and falling in love begins...

Yes, this is a love story. I don't know what else to call it. It's a long, slow road, because these boys are very, very damaged, but they spark right away and know they are meant to be together. It is lovely to witness.

This book is not without it's flaws. I absolutely hated the way the "friends" of the MCs and all secondary characters treated one another and Deck and Naim. And how Deck and Naim eventually talked to one another once they were more comfortable together. The ribbing and cussing was merciless and just so incredibly unnecessary to the point of bugging the shit out of me! Want an example?

The first thing Deck became aware of as he woke was someone smacking him in the head. Hard.

“Waking up now, you stupid fuck?” Smack. “Huh? Are you awake?” Smack. “You dumbass, shit-eating, half-wit motherfucker.” SMACK.

“Fucking Christ, Freya. Knock it off.” Deck heard Peyton and silently thanked him, still struggling to open his eyes. Everything hurt, his head was too big, and he couldn't focus on Freya as she glared at him, nose to nose.

He groaned.

Freya finally backed off, stood up straight, and glared at him harder as he blinked, still trying to focus. “You stupid son of a bitch. Get the fuck out of that bed right now, so I can kick the shit outta you.”

That's the author's idea of affection and banter between friends. It drove me nuts. I also thought the book was a bit too long. It seemed to drag towards the end and I was rather bored when they weren't in bed. (The sex was that good.)

This is definitely a book I would LOVE to see have a sequel, despite it's minor shortcomings. I want to see these two men years later and find out how they are doing. We didn't have an epilogue so maybe a little holiday short? Pretty please?

I'm not going to be able to put this on the fuck yeah! shelf because of the flaws, but this is definitely a 5 star book and is also on my favorites shelf. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it for M/M romance fans who especially enjoy intense, emotional HOT-AS-FUCK sex and crazy-good emotional hurt/healing/comfort. I hope you love it as much as I did!

[BevS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfection. A really sexy tearjerker of a story, full of deep and powerful emotions, angst and self-doubt. Very highly recommended. Lots and lots of stars from me

Smoke and Mirrors - by definition is a metaphor for a deceptive, fraudulent or insubstantial explanation or description.

Gigi has done a great review of this, and it was her review that made me buy it. The term ‘emotional basket cases’ that she used sums up the two MC’s perfectly, they were without doubt both basket cases BUT the title of the book definitely refers to Naim, Dr Naim Moreau, who tried to get away with giving as little information about himself and his past as he could UNTIL he met Deck, Firefighter Frank Dekker, and yes, they met in the line of duty. Deck saved Naim from the fire at the free clinic he ran, and then Naim returned the favour when Deck was felled by a pipe going through his body.

Naim’s past was heartbreaking, a refugee and orphan from the Arab/Israeli conflict with no name and no idea of his age, he was rescued by the International Children’s Mission and sent to a foster father in Marseille...who repeatedly raped him, beat him and generally treated him like s**t until he ran away, and spent the next few years of his life in the gutters, addicted to drugs, a paid whore, and maybe even a murderer. He was put in jail and when he got out, immediately went back to his old life until Etienne found him and tried to get him on the straight and narrow…difficult for someone who was himself a severe addict and had been raped by his own wealthy father. Etienne tried to school Naim in languages and science even though he was an artist, and eventually gave Naim a load of money to make a life for himself and study to be a doctor in Paris which he did, knowing full well that Etienne would probably die whilst he was away.

Deck, on the other hand, was the son of a firefighter who died at Ground Zero, whose mum died when he was 7 and whose firefighter brother Adam had died in order to save him, so essentially Deck was also an orphan with no remaining close family. I can’t emphasise too strongly what an enormous...heart Deck had!! I have no idea whether anything else was enormous, but at 6’4” you would think at least his...feet would fit the bill!! He was like a big kid, and when he got together with his mates from the Fire House off duty, God help anyone caught in their path. [Oh, and just a throw away remark here, I think the character Freya, Deck’s cousin, must win the prize for the most swearing I’ve ever had the misfortune to read in a story. She was a complete and utter potty mouth...not pleasant!!]

As far as the sex scenes go, and of course we must talk about them, they were intense, steamy, sensual, emotional, sublime...just about some of the best sex scenes I’ve ever read, and believe me, I’ve read an awful lot of sex scenes, both good and bad, since I’ve been reading m/m.

I’m not going to expand any further on what happens in the story. It’s not just about 2 completely different characters getting together...or not, it’s about what happens when someone falls in love with someone else the minute he sees him, and how the other someone tries to deny himself the right to return that love because he feels he isn’t worthy of it.

There were some memorable lines in this one too...

The porn DVD's.....'Dawson's Crack' and 'Lord of the Cock Rings', I'm laughing as I type this.

"I never apologised for that," he said quietly. "And I was really wrong, and you're ridiculous and I can't....You're more...more than I...I think I might love you too much."

They spent that night in Naim's bed, talking, laughing, sometimes crying, lightly touching, and exploring a new world they would create together. A world in which Naim was strong and not afraid, and Deck was completely owned by another human being. They fell asleep fully clothed and fully entwined, exhausted and safe.

Nothing Naim had ever done before, in so many years of experience in the gutter, was anything like this. Closeness, intimacy, Deck's eyes still on his, Deck mindlessly repeating his name over and over, lost in feral need, only for him.

It was too delicious, too sensual, too much Deck, and he was coming unglued.

Just fabulous.

[Mare SLiTsReaD Reviews]

DNF @ 57%

This is obvs a its me not you cause everyone else loved it.

I dont know I felt disconnected from this book.

The content should have made me feel like I was being cut open slowly with a serrated knife but it only felt like I was getting my eyebrows waxed.

Even the intimate moments should have made me like a puddle and I felt 0.

As for the cuss words... my daddy raised me and I swear like a trucker BUT at least when I swear it makes sense. I had to re-read all Freya's sentences again because I had no clue what that biatch was saying.

So I am going to move on and come back to this one sometime in the future.

Hoping against hope that when I do its the serrated knife and not the wax kit.

Mare~Slitsread

[Kade Boehme]

I DNF, at 42%. Will come back because I love the MCs, but I'm having trouble with figuring out whose POV I'm in and when it switches. Oh, and I must say... I swear more than most people I kno. (My daddy really was a trucker. No lie.) My editors are constantly cleaning curse words out of my books. But I've never cursed so much as this manuscript. Freya cursed to the point she rarely made and sense at all. Didn't annoy me so much as confuse me. Idk. So yeah. I'll come back to this eventually but I'm not in the headspace for this one now.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read and a lot of self abuse from Naim and huge self esteem issues and some from Deck as well. Hopefully these two can help heal each other in the next book.

[Chris, the Dalek King · Rating 4 out of 5]

After a rocky start I have to say that this book completely won me over.

Deck and Naim at first seem perfect for each other. Deck runs back into a burning clinic to save Naim, who had been helping get his patients out of the clinic. Unfortunately, burning buildings are liable to fall, and this one falls on Deck just as they both seem about to make it out. Luckily they both survive…well mostly. See Deck gets out, but he happens to take a piece of rebar with him. In his chest. So to return the favor of a saved life, Naim, a surgeon at the local hospital, takes over his operation and saves Deck right back.

On the surface both Deck and Naim are perfect men. The brave firefighter and the brilliant doctor. But lurking just below all that perfection is a world of pain and regret and guilt. Naim for how he survived his ‘childhood,’ and Deck for the loss of his younger brother in fire a few years ago. But even when old wounds come to light, both men have trouble seeing themselves as worthy of the other’s love. They have trouble seeing that while neither of them are perfect, they are in fact perfect for each other. Bleeding wounds and all.

My first reaction to this book was not so great. I thought Deck was a loose-cannon likely to get himself–-and everyone in his company-–killed with his recklessness. I thought Naim was a bloody idiot–-quite literally–-to go into operate with not only a head wound, but probably with a nasty case of smoke inhalation as well. I was very much ready to consign them to the mass of TSTL characters that litter the floors of the book world. And then something happened...

I don’t know what it was exactly. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment…but once I got over the desire to smack them, I started to see them. All of them. Not just the surface perfection, but all the mess that was them inside, and I actually started to like them. And then they started to make me cry, which only made me love them.

Naim had such a fucked up childhood. I mean on a scale of one to ten, the dude is riding a 9.5. For all that he comes across as the stereotypical doctor in those first few chapters, there is so much more to him. And MacGowan wrote it perfectly. She lured me in with a simple premise and then went about happily destroying my heart.

Oh, and Deck. Deck with all the crazy. Crazy family, crazy friends, and one crazy ability to just go after what he wants and screw the world and all its judgments. His family–-made up of both blood and bonds formed in fire-–took a bit getting used to. They are loud and outrageous, and prone to severe mocking and/or smacking the idiot of the moment. But they are also so real. And Deck, who I thought was just a nice smile and a fantastic set of legs (I do love a tall man), was probably not as screwed up as Naim, but plenty wounded on his own. And that scene at the graveyard. So many fucking tears.

I was seriously impressed on how the author took something I was pretty sure I was going to, at best, be tepid about, and spun it into this great story. The writing was just great especially as I got closer to the end, and I am in serious love with how MacGowan handled the topics brought up in this story. Rape, child molestation, childhood prostitution, grief, loathing, anger, forgiveness, healing, falling in love, and learning that love doesn’t fix you-–but it might just hold you up as you try to fix yourself. It was so very well written.

I had some pretty low expectations going into this book, but this story won me over, big time. I wish there had been more resolution to the fire aspect of the story, but the way it ended felt more real. I might have wanted a grand climax, but what I got was reality. Dark and a little disappointing, but maybe just a little bit better than what I wanted. And since it gave the story the ending that the story needed I really can’t complain all that much.

4.5 stars


This book was provided free in exchange for a fair and honest review for Love Bytes. Go there to check out other reviews, author interviews, and all those awesome giveaways. Click below.

[Debra ~~ seriously slacking on her reviews ~~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite some minor quibbles and a questionable start, I ended up really enjoying the relationship between firefighter Deck and surgeon Naim. A European transplant with a horrific past, Naim is still working to overcome the abuse he suffered and his inability to separate the man he is now from the actions he took to survive as a child. He is also consumed with grief over the death of a friend and blames himself for that as well. He is quiet and solitary and quick to withdraw into himself. Deck, on the other hand is outgoing, speaks before thinking and has the exuberance of an overactive puppy. He is also incredibly insightful, loving and loyal. He falls hard and fast for Naim and feels the pain he is suffering.

I really liked the way the relationship unfolded between the two men. It is not easy for Naim to accept Deck's affections, but the moments where they connect were often quite touching and what really drives this book. It was at times heartbreaking, and Naim is truly struggling. Deck works hard to make Naim see himself the way Deck does.

My issues with the book were minor and really not enough to stop me from enjoying the story, but I feel like I need to mention them. The beginning started off rocky since I had trouble with the fact that Naim operated on Deck after a head injury, and the fact that no one had problems with Freya hitting an unconscious, post-operative Deck. Minor issues maybe, but it did leave me questioning if I would get through the book. Luckily it moved on from there and the two main characters grabbed me. Also I had trouble placing where the book was taking place. I placed it as east coast based on mention of 9/11 and the Towers, but was surprised to find much later in the book it was occurring in and around Brooklyn. It did not have a New York feel to me and some of the speech/slang was definitely not of the area. Again a minor quibble, but I did take notice of it.

I'm glad to see there is a sequel in the works. I'm looking forward to more Naim and Deck and their crazy friends.

[Candice · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

I finished this a bit ago and I've had some time to think about it. I wanted to like this more than I did, but that's not to say I didn't. Since this is going to be hard to review, I think I am going to make a list.

Things I didn't like:
1. The constant yelling. Deck yelled for no reason all the time. It drove me nuts. I think this was worse than the swearing.

2. The swearing. Freya? Yeah. I didn't like her. Motherfucking cunt fuckhead bitch cousin fucking Deck. UGH! Seriously, do people talk like this to their supposed friends/family? Deck always swearing at Keller and the like. It was crazy.

3. Naim's constant pushing Deck away. I get why he did it the first time, but the rest?

4. Says things, but it doesn't happen in the story. I wanted to see Deck give Naim the ring!

5. The unprotected sex without talking first. Did they ever have that talk?

What I did like:
1. The quiet moments between the two of them. They shared so much and it was so heartfelt.

2. The graveyard scene! I died. There just are no words.

3. I liked how Naim opened up around Deck's friends and they really liked him and treated him like family, too.

4. Deck. At first, the swearing threw me off from liking him, but man his heart. Who couldn't love that wall?

Overall, it was a good read. I think the sweet and tender moments made up for the things I didn't like in it :)

[Rachel Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS! I'm giving it my eleventy billion stars rating, it was just THAT GOOD. And this was RIDICULOUSLY HOT, like, I cannot even get over how emotionally and steamy hot this story was. I adored Deck right from the start, and I loved how head over heels in love he was with Naim right away, and his inner monologue and even his yelling, I just loved him.

Naim I wanted to give a BIG hug to…well, heck, I wanted to give both of those boys a big hug. They are both damaged, but they are PERFECT for each other and I loved reading about them falling in love.

If you want a smokin' hot romance with lots of emotion and fantastic characters (I loved all of Deck's coworkers playing with all the equipment in the hospital!) then I HIGHLY recommend this story.

And can I also add that I would love a sequel with these two, I want MORE! There wasn't an epilogue so it didn't feel final, so I would love to read more for sure.

[thunderlightning · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so effing perfect.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow!!! I'm so impressed by this book!! It has gone straight to favorite. I didn't want to stop reading but I didn't want it to end!

This does it for me: Naim to Deck: “I looked at you, and you grinned and asked me my name and it crushed me. It tore me open to want so badly for a man like you to want someone like me, and that could and would never ever happen.”

There's so much I could say about this book but I think Gigi's review did a great job of getting all the plot points covered. The two tortured MCs with difficult pasts and challenges to overcome. There's a sweet and tender coming together inhibited by Naim's past and Deck's huge and in-your-face approach scaring him off a bit. Overall, I love their hospital "coming together" time. Then we get home and the truths start to come out. Naim, oh poor sweet Naim. I wanted to cry for him (and shed more than one tear with his story). I wanted to hug him! And learning about Etienne broke my heart. I shed a tear with so much of his story, especially towards the end. :_(

Overall, after everything came out, and everything was said and done, the boys are in love and I could not be happier with this book. The sex is so absolutely hot. Love scenes of over 90 pages that don't feel long, they feel absolutely perfect.

and the best part is..... Ms.MacGowan has announced a sequel!!!!! And deleted scenes can be found on her blog! Omg, I'm in Smoke & Mirrors heaven!!!

[315 · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - at 53% mark

I personally swear more than the average bear. But I have to say that it just feels off to read it to this level and in CAPS. A lot doesn't bother me so much... but this is A LOT even for me in every scene almost. The POV bouncing is very jarring to keep any idea of who is saying/thinking what and to me that's worse than the swearing.

If it wasn't for the easy acceptance by everyone with the cursing I'd think Deck was 12-years old. Nothing says to me I'm reading an adult 90% of the time. His reaction to the idea that the fire might have been set was so over the top and it only went on from there. I did finally get to the bits of Naim's history but it was dragged out a good 45% of the book that I almost didn't care anymore.

I have the case of the 'Meh' about this book right now.

Maybe it's because I"m sick with a cold but I'm going to shelf this and find something easier to read. It's a 115k book so even at 50% that's A LOT of book left that I just don't have in me right now. Usually if I set a book down, I almost never pick it back up... but who knows.

[Bo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 STARS

This was truly an amazing read with a spectacular cast of characters. Decker is a big bad ass looking firefighter with a head of gold and a filthy mouth. I fell in love with his creative f-bombs. He cursed as much as I did. He is my cursing hero!😋 Nail is a surgeon who merely exists in life. He doesn't really feel much of anything. He's made himself numb to it all. His current job, his tragic past, and his inability to really feel much of anything. However, all that changes when he meets Decker. His carefully constructed facade starts to crack, and he freaks the Fuck out. Nail is a hard tough to crack. Sometimes, I felt really frustrated with him, but I can't understand his experiences. His childhood is something I would only wish on any enemy. I cried a little for Etienne too. His first love and the one gave him his chance to be free. That was a crippling loss for him, and added to his guilt. The first 30% of this book made me laugh hysterically, but the rest was very serious. I wish there would've been more humor throughout, and not just the beginning. All of Decker's "family" was fucking great! Bosom was definitely my favorite.😂😂 I did thoroughly enjoy this read.

Thank you Lyn for giving me the opportunity to read a great and emotionally draining book.😭😵

[Wendy❤Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reviewed for Hearts On Fire Reviews - 4 hearts

Intensely romantic with language that even a sailor might blush at – that’s how I’d describe “Smoke and Mirrors”. This was such an odd combination that it really threw me for a loop at times and kept me a bit off balance.

I have to believe that there are certain professions where profanity is a pretty common occurrence and I believe that firefighters probably qualify, but this particular bunch (Deck and his teammates) take the cake. They come off as a little over the top – Deck included. In fact, Deck is just one of those larger than life, over the top sort of characters in general. His size, his personality, his mouth, and his gusto for life are all big and hearty.

Naim, on the other hand, is the perfect picture of the refined doctor. When he and Deck meet for the first time after “the incident”, I swore that I saw cartoon hearts popping out of Deck’s eyes and chest – enough to scare the crap out of Naim because no one could see him as a worthwhile man based on the secrets he was hiding (or so Naim thought).

Both Naim and Deck had issues from their past that made them more than a little messed up psychologically. Part of the strong appeal of this story is watching how Deck, in particular, works so adamantly to convince Naim of his worth and that Deck truly sees him, all of him, and loves him all the more for the man that he is. It’s romance at its finest with a whole heap of sexy heat to boot!

This story has a little something for everyone and so many things to love. If you are into hurt/comfort stories, big sexy firemen who become puddles of goo in the hands of the right man, and imperfect characters who need more than a little help, then check out this book. It made me laugh, shake my head, roll my eyes, and sigh out loud. One particular scene (involving one MC, but not the other until after the fact) pretty much gutted me and had me pulling out a Kleenex or three. Like I said – a little something for everyone and definitely recommended!

[Rebecca Harrison-davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this story today and what an emotional roller coaster it was. Yes that seems clichéd but for this story it is also true. Naim and Deck could not be more different,Naim being guarded and reserved and Deck being larger than life, yet they fit together perfectly. Deck knows this very quickly but with Naims incredibly dark and disturbing past it takes a while for him to accept it. The two main characters relationship feels very real and that is because the writing style is very natural and never seems forced.I also love the relationships the main characters have with their friends and when they are all together the comic relief from a very angst ridden story is heart warming and made me chuckle. In the end though this story is about Naim and Deck and the love and passion they have for each other(and there is a lot of passion). One of my favourite scenes in the book is when Deck is still in hospital and Naim has made tentative steps to allow something to happen between them. All they do is hold and feel each others hand but the electricity between them and the want they have for each other is palpable.
I urge anyone to give this story a go as I think it is very difficult not to love Naim and Deck and the more you discover about them the more you want their relationship to work.

[Makhda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an exhausting read.

What I liked :

- How Deck saw Naim. My goodness, he's completely enamored by him. Insta love lust at best. I liked that.
- How Deck keeps pursuing Naim even though Naim keeps rejecting him.
- They had comfortable silence. It's nice to see that.
- I liked the hospital scene. It looks real to me.


What I disliked :

- I liked slow burn story. But maybe not that slow.
- I admit I'm having a hard time figuring whose POV's I'm in. Because it keeps switching. And I kept flipping page back and forth. Annoying as hell. I think it became third person POV at some point.
- Maybe too many curses? But I tried to overlook it.
- I'm not much bother with the case stuff.
- Too much detailed writing for my taste.
- I skimmed the sex scenes. I just felt tired all of a sudden.

Fuck the world. I'm in love, and I'm going to marry this man.

Warning : Child sexual abuse, Child prostitution

[Merwan · Rating 1 out of 5]

First of all, the narrative is nearly impossible to follow properly due to the constant head-hopping. Which happens in some places every two (short) paragraphs, mid-conversation.

Then, you have a character who was born in a conflict zone, grew up in a totally different country and culture, has issues. There are a million ways to go from there. Where does the author decide to go?

Child sexual abuse. Child prostitution.

Seriously? This really upset me, especially since 1) it was such an 180 from the tone of the book before the reveal and 2) it would have been so much more interesting to explore the conflict zone roots, acclimatization, racial discrimination, etc.

I'm tired of how commonplace these themes seem to be getting in m/m books. And why no trigger warnings here? Did not finish this.

[Angelica]

DNF at 50%. The head hopping, infantile behavior and cursing drove me nuts. I don't have anything against cursing, but when every other word is a curse word it makes it hard to follow the story, let alone enjoy it.

[Francesca · Rating 4 out of 5]

i really enjoyed this: it was romantic and sensual with depth added in with emotional, difficult pasts to be overcome.
all in all a lovely, highly satisfying read.

[Theresa · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Naim became tiresome. He was too self centered and needy. The relationship was unbalanced with Deck physically and emotionally focused on Naim. Even the writing was unbalanced with more character development and page time devoted to Naim.

These two didn't have safe sex nor discuss it.

This book was dependent upon the next installment because the ending was dull and abrupt.

[AliciaJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 STARS

Wow. That was...emotional. And intimate. And so very beautiful. I was completely caught up in this love story between firefighter Deck and the enigmatic but gorgeous doc Naim. There were a few little niggles I had with the somewhat flowery and OTT prose during the sex scenes, but even that was overpowered by the depth of feeling that was expressed between these two guys. That scene with the constant eye contact was not only totally hot, but it almost made me cry.

Oh, but then there's incredible stupidity of some of the characters, like Freya(who beats on an injured guy just waking up from serious surgery? That's just bizarre and retarded) and some of the other firefighter boys that are portrayed as idiot boy-men.

Oh, and then there was the incredible usage of the word "fuck". Now I have no problems with using this word-it's amazingly descriptive and has a multitude of meanings. But when at least half of a book's dialogue is made up of just "fuck" "fucking" "fucktard" "fuckwad" etc etc, it gets a bit old and makes me think that the author doesn't have a very good imagination. I mean, there are lots and lots of other wonderful "bad words" out there that are also very expressive. One of my favorites is "douchenozzle", but there's a myriad of others to choose from.

But while these little niggles of annoyance made me squint in irritation a few times, I was still completely hooked by the power of the story developing between the two MC's. It was raw, beautifully emotional, and even sweet at times, and I couldn't put it down.

[Juxian · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are probably some shortcomings in this book but I enjoyed it so much I can't imagine giving it less than 5 stars. Over 900 pages, and I didn't want it to be shorter, I was glad there is the second book after it. Both MCs are such darlings I kept switching which one I liked the most: oh, Naim, the angsty one! No, Deck, he's such a teddy bear! They both were lovely. And everything was so emotional! Sex between them was wonderfully emotional and it made it fascinating, not boring at all. Their conversations were so touching, and even when they had to repeat the same things again and again, I still felt completely for them. Even secondary characters (I rarely pay attention to secondary characters) were cute and heartwarming. It was a long, sweet, angsty and very enjoyable read.

[JB · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ stars!!! I loved both characters!! Very sensual; hot and sexy- even though I had to wait too long! I loved the build of their relationship even though it was intense from the beginning. I just loved Naim... The one thing I wished for was more definitive alternating POV's. It seemed that way in the beginning then it became a little meshed and I had a hard time (at times) figuring out who was the one talking/thinking. I would really love another book- there's enough stuff there to make another story and give a more defining HEA and EPILOGUE!!! I thought writing was good and I think realistic for NYC firefighters!!! I didn't want story to end:)

[Nur · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[Curtis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Naim Moreau leads a quiet unsuspecting life. So when firefighter Frank "Deck" Dekker saves his life, he is appreciative but sees Deck as just another patient. Though he can't argue with the fact that Deck is a rather attractive patient. And when Deck makes some statements that make Naim blush, he tells himself he's just being delusional and when he comes around he will take it all back. But Deck doesn't exactly do that. And Naim isn't sure he can share his deepest secrets about his past with Deck...and if he did, wouldn't Deck just run away?

If you like books that are paced well, then this is one that certainly meets that criterion. The reveal of the important parts of the story, the tension between Naim and Deck (and between Naim and himself) ebbs and flows in a pattern that seems just right, and the resolution comes at the right point. Solid writing and character development make this a worthwhile read.

[M · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dnf at 50%
Nope not a fan. At all.

[Mariah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this when it was a million words long Nagron fanfic called "Watch Me Burn."
I lost that PDF and I want to cry, because it was AMAZING.

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This is a great story. I am aware that I have ship goggles on cause I still see it as a Nagron story, so it's that much better to me because of it.