What do you think?
Rate this book


336 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1990
"I don't believe in rebirth." "Me neither. Maybe the concept was invented to keep all Asia from self-destruction."
In addition to whatever the monks would bring home from alms round, we were served food made for us by whoever showed up in the morning to cook.
A few monks stood up and walked to the rear of the sala where they paced back and forth.
For now you can sleep in the guest room above the kitchen. Once you get to know your way around, you may shave your head. That's the sign you wish to stay for some time and practise. We will give you a kuti to live in once you have been shaven.
The man in white raised his palms together in front of his face in a wai, the Thai gesture of respect.
I repeated my bows, stood, and left the temple in search of an office. No one was expecting me.
Ray told me Unica was his own self-publishing enterprise that he ran out of Duncan, British Columbia.
The book was a best-seller when it first came out in my native Canada, and it has been on the curricula of various Buddhist studies courses for the past twenty years, including, currently, the universities of Toronto, Winnipeg, Charleston, and Truman (in Missouri).
Tim Ward and I first met backstage at the Vancouver's Writer's Festival in 1993.
Everything they collected on alms round went to the kitchen in white basins. At mealtime they were brought back out and passed around for everyone. There were about twenty dishes, mostly Thai-style curries and fresh tropical fruits.
"There's not much I can say about meditation. Look to yourself. Where do you resist? Where are you heedless? The rules will reveal your defilements to you. Perhaps you don't like bowing to the monks or even to the Ajahn. Remember it is not the person you are bowing to, it is the robe. Bowing is a great tool to break the pride of ego. Perhaps you don't like coffee served with so much sugar, or maybe you would like it with more. Living in a monastic community you have the opportunity to surrender your personal preferences. These are only delusion and ignorance giving rise to desire. If resentment arises, recognize it as aversion. The defilements reveal themselves to you when you begin to follow the rules. Persevere with the discipline and the defilements will gradually drop away, leaving your mind clear and peaceful. Establish the rules in your heart, follow them with mindfulness and you will stop your craving and thirsting, even for meditation. Here we teach renunciation. Here you can learn to give up cherished ideas of self. Once they are given up to the Vinaya, you will see they were only burdens after all."
A monk should never reach for anything. He must live without desiring. Only what is placed directly into his hands is fit for him to receive.
We took our refuge in Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha. A strange pair of refugees, the Christian and the atheist before the Australian abbot.
Scorpions lived under the leaves, they said. I started sweeping.
Do not speak unless you can improve on silence, said a Buddhist sage.
All our monks went over to Wat Pah Pong for the ordination ceremony. It required twenty monks and a bot - special ordination temple - for the ritual.
Pakhao Michael will soon travel to Malaysia for a visa renewal and a holiday.
I had not realized I was angry - at an insect.
But meditation was thwarted by my constant violation of the first precept. I murdered mosquitoes.
A sabong is a simple wide strip of cloth. Wrapped once around the waist, it covers one to the ankles.
The Buddha taught his followers to practise sila, moral purity, as an essential preliminary to meditation. He said wrongful actions produce guilt and fear. When the mind is agitated it is incapable of tranquillity. Right actions produce a natural calm. This calm is necessary if meditation is to arise. The precepts are simply a means to meditation.
His eyes were tranquil. In his smile there was a subtle sense of the ridiculous. He had dropped out of his final year of a degree in applied physics.
I didn't know anybody and I thought if I died, no one would find me.
The ritual is a humbling one, repeated fifty or sixty times that morning until my bowl is heavy with rice, mangos, bananas, dried meat, fishes, and sticky sweets wrapped in leaves.
Devotees give to the robe, not to the wearer. They believe it is a ritual for the making of merit, for a better rebirth. If a monk thanks the giver, then by treating it as a personal favour, merit is not gained.
This is the first time I walk through the front gates of Pah Nanachat. The direct sunlight makes me blink. Since I arrived at the wat I have been submersed in jungle. Now I see that beyond the jungle the wat is surrounded by rice paddies. There is a gas station half a kilometre away. A truck rolls down the highway.
He leads us off into a dawn drizzle at a quick march, bowls slung over our left shoulders, umbrellas up for cover.
You think it's so easy to help a crazy man? You don't know what samsara is. It's pure lust, hate and delusion out there. Believe me, I know. How are you going to help the crazies? Will you pay their bills? They'll just become dependent on you. Will you let them cry on your shoulder? They'll soon be sitting on it. Will you make them laugh? They'll expect you to keep them entertained, then blame you if anything goes sour.
"The sticky rice tends to clog you up though," said the monk. "So we get pickled olives tonight. Medicine is permitted in the Vinaya. It's not breaking the rules. Just be careful you don't eat too many. They are a powerful laxative."
The moon was full that evening. It was Wan Phra, the Thai equivalent of Sunday, celebrated on the full, new and half moon nights, four times a month. Devout Thais came to their wat in the evening for chanting and prayers.
"It's an old tradition in Thailand for monks to shave their eyebrows," Michael told us. "It used to be that the Burmese sent spies into the country disguised as monks. They were hard to catch. Nobody dared to arrest a genuine bhikkhu by mistake. So the king decreed that all Thai monks should shave their eyebrows."
Jim and I decided to join the bi-monthly head shave, held at the washing area near the robe-dyeing shack at the far edge of the monastery grounds.
All I had was experience at starting from zero.
"In Thailand it's not permitted to burn suicides like we do for everybody else. They have to be buried.
"What's the condition of Ajahn Chah? [...] The stroke left him completely paralysed three years ago. He has to be fed intravenously. They can't determine if any of the personality is left inside. [...]"
You should never point your feet at anybody in Thailand, especially a monk. It is also incorrect to cross your legs when facing a senior monk.
"The eighth precept is to refrain from sleeping on a high or luxurious bed. We have no beds here, other than the one in the Ajahn's quarters, so this isn't a problem.
You may be surprised that we sometimes take chocolates or candies with our afternoon drink. The definition of food in the Vinaya is not what it is in the West. Sugar, honey and chocolate are actually hardened liquids, not solids. We are permitted these any time of day.
"The third precept is to refrain from incorrect speech. Lying is only one of the four kinds of incorrect speech. You should also avoid slander, harsh words and frivolous chatter.
"Do you know the best reason for a Westerner to be ordained in Thailand?" Richard asked me on alms round. "It makes it easy to get visa extensions from the governement."
"Of course you can," said the monk. "The rule is that if you don't go on bindabat, you don't eat. You are always free to fast."
"I looked around at meal this morning and saw all those faces staring into their food, everyone totally absorbed in feeding their faces. Is that supposed to be mindful concentration? They look like pigs at the trough. I don't see much awareness," [...].
Often the British bhikkhus would walk through the Chithurst countryside at dawn and not receive a thing. Fortunately, a father of one of the monks bought a house near the monastery. He was happy to give alms food to the bhikkhus every morning. Tradition was thus preserved without anyone actually starving.
[...] the five hindrances to meditation: desire, aversion, restlessness, inertia and doubt.
Many people come looking for something instant to solve their problems, like a ten-day vipassana retreat.
Sometimes foreigners used to complain to Ajahn Chah that there wasn't enough time for them to meditate during the day. 'Do you have time to breathe?' he'd say to them. 'How can you find time to breathe all day long if you're so busy with other things? If you have time to breathe, you have time to meditate.'
You new laymen probably don't know this but it is forbidden to scrape your bowls or make chewing noises.
"Does he believe in the rules? Then why do we have all the loopholes like chewing tobacco and Coffeemate? He doesn't care about the spirit of the rules. He's mindful about how to get around them. He's more like a lawyer than a monk.
So monks can't clean the water cisterns, but they make it clear we've got to do it. By the rules he's right. I don't sense any compassion towards the poor mosquito larvae though. Monks can't cut plants but look at all the cutting and clearing he's authorized in this place.
Food was always just food for me before. Now it's my only chance to eat, so I stuff myself like a turkey.
"Maybe we've got the purpose of this wat all backwards. It doesn't protect us from temptation. There are just fewer enticements. That makes temptation stronger. We feel justified in indulging because we are disciplined the rest of the day. That just reveals craving buried within. The Ajahn's right. When we eat anything we want any time we want, we never stop to watch our desire and greed. Here it's all focused on one meal and we really feel it. Pah Nanachat is no refuge from samsara, it's full of it."
For some reason mosquitoes can never be bothered to fly up to my porch at this hour, although I hear their hungry swarm below. They make walking meditation impossible.
A bell sounds, far away in the darkness. At first it seems so distant, a clear sound as if made by striking a silver bowl, not an iron bell. The sound is sweet, yet makes me sad. It calls me to the sala, to human chanting, away from the jungle I have become night with.
"Since he's stopped teaching there has been nobody to take his place. Many senior disciples disrobed after his stroke. The personal master-student relationship had gone for them. He has sixty-four monasteries now but the monks who are teaching in them aren't doing it with the same experience or wisdom he had. They are teaching what they were taught. Ajahn Chah taught what he knew. Some of them are still depressed about the condition of the master. We try to live up to his example but we can't. Even Pah Nanachat is much more slack than it was three years ago. Our reputation is perhaps better than we are.
My knees, they've had it too. They hurt so much I can't even sit crosslegged in my kuti. I had to go and get this bench.
"I've done too much killing for monks in the past four months," he said scowling. "The Ajahn before this one was worse. He was always clearing spaces and cutting the jungle. This is supposed to be a forest wat. Soon there won't be any forest left. Monks are supposed to live in harmony with their environment, not kill it to make courtyards.[...]"
Once a week we had a sauna. It was a small brick room with a wood fire stoked on the outside that had been built next to the wash pump. Inside, a dozen people could sit on wooden benches in the darkness, and sweat.
I will empty my kuti of books, the bowl, the lantern, throw all the junk accumulated in my homeless life out of the door, live without tools, strip the psyche bare and pry that crack in the ego open so wide that the whole ghost disintegrates back into dust....
"There's plenty to do," he said with a smile. He wiped his glasses with his drenched ochre sash. "But what do you do most of the time?" "Watch boredom arise."
The dull dread of separation. Jim could go. I would survive. I could learn to watch boredom arise.
You said yourself you feel suffocated here. That's their goal. Suffocation of the ego. They bore their selves to death. Here there's no place to run. They give up all distracting activity. The ego stops breathing, like a shark caught in a net.
With him had come half a dozen monks and a few female Thai pakhaos, old women who would be staying several days in the fenced-off far section of the wat.
Tan Casipo warned us that we must take some food from every dish when many villagers come to feed us in order to avoid offending donor. Never ever sniff at a bowl and pass it on, the helpful monk advised.
When the sun had soaked up the last of the moisture from our bowls, we slipped the orange wool covers back over them and began lacing up the straps.
"By his rule I'm allowed to leave any time I choose. Even a monk just has to tell another monk three times that he quits and he's released from his vows."
'Lots of people come here,' he told me, 'but the ones who stay are the ones who are really fed up with the world.'