Living with Contradiction: An Introduction to Benedictine Spirituality

by Esther de Waal

Open doors to healing, transformation, and new life with these simple and inviting reflections. This classic will appeal to those familiar with the Rule of St. Benedict, as well as those who are just discovering its timeless wisdom.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Theology, Christian, Christianity, Faith, Prayer

180 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1989

Reviews

[Heidi]

I will need to read this book about ten more times - it's that full and rich. I thought I knew the Rule backwards and forwards. Nope. de Waal opens it for lay people like me in profound and life-giving ways that I will be working on and ruminating over for a very long time.

[Jenny Burns]

Based on the Rule of St Benedict, the author faces head on, the fact that life is full of tensions and paradoxes and unanswered questions.

The author challenges the reader to ignore the world’s need to try to eliminate these contradictions rather, acknowledge they exist. She believes that there is a hidden wholeness for us by embracing and accepting the mystery God and not always to demand an explanation.

This book is all summed up in De Waal’s response to God in the last chapter (which I have taken the liberty to change into a prayer),

‘Yes’ (Lord) to the continual certainty of (you)

‘Yes’ (Lord) to the continual unpredictability of you …

‘Yes’ (Lord) in which I know that I shall never escape the contradictions but throughout life I shall go on struggling to hold them together …

‘Yes’ (Lord) at the start of the day, accepting what lies ahead … and in all that happens to see and feel and know the presence of (you) …

‘Yes’ (Lord) at the end of every day as I hand all that has happened over to (you) and ask for your blessing on it all’.

Amen

[Tom LA]

I'm sorry, I was attracted by the title, and the content is valid, but the book overall is far too bland, simplistic and vague. There are too many incredibly abstract, sweeping statements, without any real life practical example. The connection to the Rule of Saint Benedict is loose and disorganized. Finally, I couldn't shake the feeling of listening to someone telling you how great a movie was (the Rule), and all you want to do is watch the movie yourself instead of getting it second-hand from this person.

[Juli]

A great book with great thoughts on rule of St. Benedict. This little gem was packed with great insights on every page. I found so much freedom in the idea of living with contradiction rather than having all the answers. It made me breathe a sigh of relief. I haven't read the Rule of St. Benedict yet so I'm not sure if this would be better to read before or after the Rule has been read. I'll keep you posted.

[AJ]

I heartily recommend this for all Christians who struggle with the contradictions and paradoxes of our lives and our faith. From the back cover, “These simple and inviting reflections on the Rule of St. Benedict take as their starting point our search for wholeness in a world that is fragmented and increasingly polarized.” You need not be a monastic or Catholic to reap a harvest of mature spiritual insight and guidance.

[Mindi]

I enjoyed reading this book about the Rule of St. Benedict. The theology is sound. Her insights are encouraging.

[Karen Floyd]

I am re-reading this for the (at least) fourth time because it is just that good. Esther and Benedict are both so knowledgable about people and how we operate.
"It is so easy to play the world's game which is the power game, the game which depends on setting myself apart from others, distinguishing myself, seeking the limelight and looking for applause. I find that is onlt too easy to become compulsive in my continual need for affirmation, for more and more affirmation, as I anxiously ask Who am I? Am I the person who is liked, admired, praised, seen as successful? My whole attitude towards myself becomes determined by the way I compare myself with others, and I try to emphasize what is different and distinct about me." Esther deWaal
She might have added, "the way in which I think others see me," which is often very different from how I am actually seen.

[Andrew Marr]

This followup to "Seeking God" is an even deeper book as it examines the paradoxical tensions that go with community life for everybody.

[John]

I found too much of this vague, airless, and hermetic. I guess coming to this after reviewing Kathleen Norris' chatty, eclectic, uneven but engaging combinations of memoir, Benedictine and Protestant rumination, and literary critique, De Waal's carefully phrased, reticent, and politely earnest style is far more British proper than U.S. of A. brash. I'd commented that her commentary on the Rule, A Life-Giving Way, didn't bowl me over, but at least she doggedly trudged through each of the 72 chapters with an attempt, at times inevitably strained, to align our contemporary (as of the 1980s) sensibility with the instructions and contexts of the early monastic movement as it transitioned from the Middle East into Italy. Her take benefited from being grounded in a response to a challenging set of rules and counsel. She tried to link its sometimes remote regulations about liturgy, discipline, and practical management to today's audience, encouraging her readers to find connections...however tenuous.

But in this follow-up, she's throat-clearing too much. Jean Vanier, poets, the Celtic Christian verses, and various Trappists and Benedictines get frequently quoted. Some, if the last category, work fine. Yet, others thud like the standard fare of the tumultuous period in which I was raised, half a century and more ago now, when Christians felt they had to adopt the human potential movement's style and appeal. De Waal emulates the C. of E. modulated, affirmative, and broad minded public voice of those brought up well, determined to convey views to those much resembling herself, but not so often me...if not you. Trouble is, it tends to come off as if vetted by a committee of Oxbridge parish vicars.

However, beneath sometimes platitudes or self-help bromides, apt truth filters through. I found her discussions of contradictions of the cross (vertical-horizontal) echoing CS Lewis or GK Chesterton if without the donnish polish of the former or the maddening chiasmus of the latter. A few mentions of the vows of stability and "conversatio morum" stuck, and on p. 51 a passage leapt out to me about unwanted change which "spoke" to my current state of disordered life powerfully if coincidentally.

There's not as much about the Rule of St Benedict as other readers have asserted. It begins with its lively Prologue, but Life-Giving Way pairs (in its later ed.) the entire source text with her explication or elaboration as rumination. You won't get a strong sense of the Rule if you rely only on this slim collection of brief and reflective chapters. Her afterwords direct you to the standard 1980 translation, although I prefer Terrence Kardong's Benedict's Rule as an American alternative, with valuable notes.

I'd suggest Christopher Jamison's Finding Sanctuary (2006) and a participant on the BBC series set as The Monastery, Nicholas Buxton, in his Tantalus + the Pelican (2009), as better suited to our online era. (Recently reviewed by me.) Her own book feels musty and self-explanatory, too caught up in an insular concentration on topics too generalized in her presentation (retreat talks for like-minded Anglican visitors to English sites). This rarely got out of warming up, and I wanted higher octane.

[Steve]

Meditations on the Prologue to the Rule of St. Benedict, from a non-Catholic perspective. Her main point is the humaneness of the Rule, with Benedict as an observer of human nature. She has many good insights; my favorite was the chapter on "Mindfulness", although she really doesn't call it that, since the book was written before the ubiquity of the word. My only real objection is that it can be too abstract. Personally, the book has real significance, since I went on one of the week-long retreats in the 1980's out of which this book grew. I may read it again.

[Willow]

Wow! This was honestly a life changing read. I had a coworker lend it to me kind of as a joke between us to start, but this book really did end up helping so much. All my life I've really struggled with contradiction in the sense regarding how I grew up and how I want to live. This book really helps you to sort through all of that and encourages you along the way! Beautiful!

[Kathleen]

Daily life is full of contradiction. Esther de Waal includes many short reflections and meditations to explain daily contradiction rooted in Benedictine values. She encourages the reader to think deeply and be fully present on the journey life presents to each of us along the way.

[Lisa]

I wasn't sure if a book written in 1989 could have anything to say to the contradictions we're living with in 2020. Turns out the Rule of St Benedict was written much longer ago and has endured all those because of Benedict's wisdom in living with contradiction. Really enjoyed this.

[Francesca Abraham]

BEAUTIFUL i just loved it - so simple yet so profound, great illustration of what it means to live with balance

[Caroline Burton]

I think this is my favorite book I’ve ever read. Meant to be digested slowly. 💕

[Overbooked ✎]

4.5 stars

[Martha]

Thought provoking and certainly heightened my desire to reread "The Rule of St. Benedict".

[Kathryn]

Wonderful, especially if your life is running amok. Not a textbook. For spiritual reading, slow, comfortable, healing.

[Jennie]

Good reflections on the need to live in community well in order to have solitude well, and vice versa. The second half was more interesting than the first half.

[Allison]

While this book claims to be specifically from the Benedictine form of Christian Spirituality, I sensed it was broader than that (or maybe Benedictine Spirituality is more common than I have been led to believe?). I didn't find anything "new" or "unique" in this book. Each chapter takes ideas from the Prologue of the Rule of St. Benedict, and weaves those ideas together with common problems the 21st century person must confront. Ultimately, there is no resolution to some of these issues: the need for solitude vs. the need for community; the need to pray vs. the need to serve; the need for silence vs. the need to speak up for others, etc. Turns out those of St. Benedict's day wrestled with these problems just as we do.
Who knew?

[Cheri]

While there were some really thought-provoking statements in this book, it was badly in need of an editor. In addition to having a number of incomplete sentences, the book read like a list of thoughts on a topic. There was little cohesiveness from one paragraph to the next. Many of her comments were almost incomprehensible, as she did not expand on them properly. (Why does the breaking of the bread during the Eucharist not represent sharing but demonstrate destruction instead?)

[Diane Bruce]

One of my personal favorites!

[Deborah Watring-Ellis]

This book made me think a lot. It's not a book you just read once and put down. I'll be reading it several more times.

[Nathan]

Excellent little book that gives firm foundation to the contradictions of life. No questions answered. Joy is found where mysteries abound. A few of the chapters struck hard!

[Louise Allen]

This book is sub-titled "An Introduction to Benedictine Spirituality". Esther de Waal, an Anglican lay woman, reflects on the Rule of St. Benedict, and helps us come to terms with the tension of all the contradictions in our lives. It is definitely written from the Christian perspective, but I think much of it would be appreciated by those of other faiths, or those who are on a spiritual path but claim no faith.