I see that the author is Australian, and this is my first book to use the single quote marks around dialogue. I found myself rereading to catch dialogue against the narration. The singles are too easily missed in reading, which slowed my reading time down:(
Some constructive criticism on writing style.
1. Wordy! Wordy! Wordy! Wordy! Wordy! Wordy!
This author’s writing style in VERY wordy and over-telling. What should take a single paragraph, takes pages! What could be said in a single sentence, takes paragraphs. Every single detail is given about every step. Instead of that placing me in the story, I found myself overloaded with info, missing the main idea, and unable to visualize the scene because it was sensory overload. Example…
‘Aha!’ Charlotte shot forward and jammed one of the tiny, odd-shaped keys into the tiny, odd-shaped lock. When she opened the door she knelt and squinted, waiting until her eyes adjusted enough to confirm that she’d found what she was looking for. Her stomach grew taut at the sight of the weapons snuggled into the foam-lined walls of the hidden safe but she pushed her unease aside and grabbed the pistol.
All that could’ve been said … Opening the door, she found the weapons in the hidden safe. She grabbed the pistol and pushed her unease aside. An editor worth salt would whittle ^ that shit down, and for good reason.
It’s the zombie apocalypse, meaning I don’t care about odd-shaped locks and keys. Why is she kneeling and squinting? Do I care that she’s kneeling? Did kneeling, squinting, taut gut, etc contribute to the action or emo state? Why do I need to know that walls are lined with foam? Did that help or hinder the action, contribute to what she’s doing? <<< Point being that she’s grabbing a gun, and we don’t need that small act to take two pages of otherwise useless supplemental info.
It’s the same thing with every move the FMC makes.
A page to collect a bag.
Multiple pages to simply load a gun.
2. G’zus at the length of some of these sentences. This has to be a world record for a run on sentence:
Charlotte frowned, suddenly heartsick that she wouldn’t be getting married to Mr Perfect the next day, until she remembered exactly why and then she was so swiftly besieged by a wave of grief that she made a strangled noise in her throat and rose to her feet, shaking it off: the tears, the fears, the reality she didn’t want to accept as her own…it was way too much for her to process, and she didn’t feel right falling apart over any of it until she’d had an eternity to mourn Abby first. * blinks*
PROBLEM: FMC’s Inner Dialogue Is Exhausting!
She’s doing one thing while thinking about other shit.
She thinks the most asinine shit, such as this….
But then Charlotte looked back at the bridesmaid wondering… was she dying? Sophia certainly didn’t look good, and her movements were stiffening, as Abigail’s had been ten minutes before. But she was still up and at ‘em! Charlotte desperately wanted to know why, but doubted that it was a question Sophia would have been able to answer, even if she hadn’t been dead and missing teeth.
^ A zombie is standing in front of you, and not only are you off in la-la land, but you’re actually pondering asking the zombie trying to eat you a question.
If a standalone, I might have considered trudging onward to see if whatever plot is to be had is ever worth it, but THIS IS A FOUR BOOK SERIES. So, no. An hour to read 10% was painfully exhausting, and given that the FMC left her car running and unlocked with her cellphone in it during the zombie apocalypse while she goes inside a building…. Ah, yeah, she’s clearly going to be one hella TSTL character.
No rating - DNF @8%. Sad because I am a dystopian, zombie, apocalypse w/romance whore. Love it, but this wasn’t it.