It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life

by Jillian Turecki

The beloved relationship coach, teacher, and host of the top relationship podcast Jillian on Love reveals nine core truths about love and self-acceptance and provides powerful self-healing techniques and strategies to help us repair our relationship with ourselves and start building the rewarding relationships we deserve.

Jillian Turecki’s holistic, compassionate, yet no-nonsense approach to love has attracted a devoted following of millions. In her highly anticipated debut book, she makes clear that if you want a meaningful relationship filled with connection, security, and intimacy, you have to look within. The common denominator in all your relationships is you.

Drawing from decades of experience helping clients heal themselves and their relationships, It Begins with You introduces the 9 core truths we must accept in order to change our lives:

Truth 1: It begins with you.
Truth 2: The mind is a battlefield.
Truth 3: Lust is not the same thing as love.
Truth 4: You have to love yourself.
Truth 5: You must speak up and tell the truth.
Truth 6: You need to be your best self (even after the honeymoon).
Truth 7: You cannot convince someone to love you.
Truth 8: No one is coming to save you.
Truth 9: You must make peace with your parents.

Blending therapeutic strategies, somatic techniques, client case studies, practical tools, tips, and guiding questions, It Begins with You gives us a roadmap to finally start doing the work needed to love ourselves and find the love we deserve. It's never too late to choose yourself.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Love

256 pages, Paperback

Published January 16, 2025

Reviews

[Annie Connors · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had a Time Machine and could give this book to my 21 year old self. Even my 28 year old self.

What’s for certain is my 10 year old daughter will know all, and her future will be full of informed decisions and a knowing and ‘true to herself’ mindset.

Thank you Jillian. Grateful for you x

[Delaney]

Loved this

[The Bookish Elf · Rating 4 out of 5]

In her groundbreaking debut book "It Begins with You," renowned relationship coach Jillian Turecki offers a refreshingly honest and practical approach to healing our relationship with ourselves and others. Drawing from her two decades of experience as a yoga teacher turned relationship expert, Turecki presents nine fundamental truths that serve as stepping stones toward authentic love and meaningful connections.

The Heart of the Matter

What sets this book apart is Turecki's ability to weave together psychological insights, somatic awareness, and real-world applications. She doesn't just tell us what to do – she shows us how to do it through compelling case studies and actionable strategies. The book's central premise is both simple and profound: the common denominator in all our relationships is ourselves.

Strengths and Notable Insights

Authentic Voice and Personal Experience

Turecki's vulnerability in sharing her own relationship struggles, including an abusive relationship and a painful divorce, adds credibility to her teachings. Her journey from feeling "allergic" to her father to finding peace with their relationship demonstrates the transformative power of the principles she advocates.

Practical Application

Each chapter concludes with thoughtful exercises and reflection questions that help readers integrate the concepts into their lives. The book isn't just theoretical – it's a workbook for change.

Holistic Approach

The integration of body-based awareness with psychological insights sets this book apart from traditional relationship advice. Turecki's background in yoga brings a unique perspective to understanding how our physical patterns reflect and influence our emotional states.

The Nine Truths: A Critical Analysis

Strong Points

1. The Mind as Battlefield: Turecki's exploration of how our thoughts create relationship reality is particularly insightful. Her strategies for managing "mental battlefields" are practical and immediately applicable.

2. Lust vs. Love: The chapter distinguishing between chemistry and genuine connection offers crucial insights for modern dating, especially in the age of dating apps and "situationships."

3. Parental Peace: The final truth about making peace with our parents is masterfully handled, offering a nuanced perspective that acknowledges both healing and appropriate boundaries.

Areas for Improvement

1. While the book's personal anecdotes are compelling, some readers might find certain sections overly focused on heterosexual relationships, though the principles apply universally.

2. The chapter on self-love, while important, covers familiar territory that readers of personal development books may have encountered before.

3. Some of the somatic exercises could benefit from more detailed guidance or accompanying visual aids.

Writing Style and Accessibility

Turecki writes with warmth and authority, striking a balance between professional expertise and relatable storytelling. Her prose is engaging and conversational, making complex psychological concepts accessible without oversimplifying them.

Impact and Practical Application

The book's strength lies in its ability to help readers:

- Identify and break destructive relationship patterns
- Develop emotional awareness and regulation
- Build authentic self-worth
- Improve communication skills
- Navigate difficult conversations
- Establish healthy boundaries

Who Should Read This Book

"It Begins with You" is particularly valuable for:

- Singles looking to break negative dating patterns
- Couples seeking to deepen their connection
- Individuals healing from relationship trauma
- Anyone interested in personal growth and self-awareness
- People struggling with parent-child relationships

Final Verdict

The Good

- Comprehensive approach to relationship healing
- Practical exercises and tools
- Authentic voice and relatable examples
- Strong integration of mind-body connection
- Clear, actionable strategies

The Not-So-Good

- Some concepts may feel familiar to well-read self-help enthusiasts
- Could benefit from more diverse relationship examples
- Certain exercises might need more detailed guidance

This book earns a strong recommendation for its practical wisdom, authentic voice, and transformative potential. While not perfect, it offers valuable insights and tools for anyone seeking to improve their relationships, starting with the most important one – the relationship with themselves.

The Bigger Picture

What makes "It Begins with You" particularly relevant is its timing. In an era where relationship challenges are amplified by technology, social media, and changing social norms, Turecki's emphasis on self-awareness and authentic connection feels especially pertinent.

Lasting Impact

The book's greatest achievement is its ability to shift readers' perspective from seeking external solutions to developing internal resources. Turecki's framework provides a roadmap for sustainable relationship growth that begins, as the title suggests, with ourselves.

Summary

"It Begins with You" is a valuable addition to the relationship self-help genre, offering a fresh perspective that combines psychological insight with somatic awareness. While some concepts may feel familiar to seasoned self-help readers, the book's practical approach and integrated framework make it a worthwhile read for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and self-understanding.

The book's message is clear: lasting love and meaningful connections start with self-awareness and personal growth. Through its nine core truths, practical exercises, and real-world examples, it provides readers with the tools they need to begin their own journey of transformation.

[Grace Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love her podcast and her Instagram but this felt really derivative and the anecdotes she shared did not feel authentic. Her clients seemed really one dimensional and simplistic, and she adds these details in the anecdotes that are at once both so generic and so unbelievable that it seems like her editor asked her to put them in so people would believe them (ie: recalling the sip of water she took before revealing to a client a profound truth, which was: you are choosing the wrong people 🙄) I was super disappointed cause social media is going crazy for this book and I love her thoughtful and honest posts, but it really undermined my opinion of her.

[linda *ੈ✩˚⋆☁︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow, an absolute must-read! if i could give it 100 stars, i would. i’ve always loved listening to her speak on instagram—her voice is so grounding, and this book captures that same wisdom so beautifully. 💖

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this, it’s probably one of the most helpful self help books I’ve read about relationships and it was a joy to read, highly recommend and I will revisit again when I need a reminder of the things I’ve learnt.
A very brief overview is that our relationship with ourselves impacts all of our other relationships and our quality of life, instead of just pointing this out like some self help books do, this gives lots of helpful tools and suggestions to improve your self confidence and also weaved throughout real life situations through the coaching the author has done.

[Sobhan · Rating 1 out of 5]

The whole book seems rather obvious, with each chapter containing a single main idea repeated in various ways. In spite of that, I find the ideas helpful.

[Lindsey Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall, It Begins With You is an okay book. For me personally, it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. The nine truths listed felt like basic common knowledge you’d find in most relationship self-help books. The examples used were also fairly simple and not particularly complex. It was an easy read, but honestly, I don’t really see the hype around this book.

I also felt the author included a lot of her personal story. While at times it aligned well with the material being discussed, other times it came across as unnecessary or irrelevant, and her just wanting to talk about herself. Some of her commentary about her thoughts during coaching sessions felt quite judgmental and, in my opinion, lacked professionalism. That said, it’s safe to assume coaches and trained therapists or psychologists fall into very different categories.

Overall, the book is just okay, I feel like the topics could have had more depth and been better developed. I was lucky that a friend gave it to me to read—personally, I wouldn’t recommend spending money on it, as there are far better, more in-depth, and thought-provoking relationship books available

[Morgan Emerick · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’ve never written a book review but this is AWFUL. It’s basically a woman giving advice who has never even lived most of the things she speaks of. Not only that but it’s a book of her and her woes and writes herself as some great role in each of her stories. Don’t waste your time, money or energy on this book.

[Jessica (Odd and Bookish) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book for free for promotional purposes.

This was an insightful self help book on love! As someone who is perpetually single, I need all the help I can get.

It is very easy to feel powerless when it comes to love, but this book tells you what you can do to improve your love life and relationships.

The book is very accessible and is written in an easy to understand manner. The author writes as if she is speaking to you as a friend.

The truth that hit the hardest for me was Truth 7: You cannot convince someone to love you. That is a necessary truth and was something I had to learn the hard way.

There was one quote that stuck out to me from Truth 3 (Lust is not the same thing as love). The author writes, “The truth is, some people are ready for a connection, not a relationship” (pg. 52). From my dating experiences, I find this to be so true. The phrase “ready for a connection” is a great way to put it and sums it up perfectly. Some people just want to connect with someone else in a way that is not a relationship.

My one critique is that parts of the book did feel a little bit obvious, and I would have liked a little more depth to the material. Some of it felt very surface level.

Overall, if you are struggling in your pursuit of love or are in need of help fixing your own relationship, consider reading this one!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

ADORÉ

[Danielle Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very empowering and full of wisdom. My go to gal for self improvement in relationships.

[Chloe Lovato · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is definitely written for someone who is in between relationships or just dating, not a married committed person. Although there was some useful things for me, a married person, I was not the target audience. Which is fine, because I didn’t know, but I’m giving 3 stars because it was sometimes poorly written and the author seems to be direct with her clients, but as a life coach myself, people do not handle direct information like this well. To tell your client “believe it or not, you’re the problem” will rarely go down easy.
Overall, I got the message. But the delivery wasn’t great.

[Inna Kopteva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Хоч авторка і не психолог, а коуч по стосункам, у книзі багато корисного.
Особливо, якщо ви застрягли в деструктивних паттернах.
Мені було цікаво аналізувати свій минулий не дуже позитивний досвід.

Під кінець я трішки втомилась від історій клієнтів, книга була не дуже актуальною для мене, але з жанру self help мені здається досить норм.

[Ella De Staercke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik vond het goed, wel wat bijgeleerd, maar minder dan verwacht/gehoopt want: het was eigenlijk niet echt wat ik zocht + ik denk dat het doelpubliek zo’n decennium ouder is.

Eigenlijk een 3,5 mss maar ja DAT GAAT DUS NIET

[Sunny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. I would recommend every single person should read this book and especially if you have been through multiple failed relationships.

[Anita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely LOVED this book ♥️ It was so inspiring and motivational. I will definitely be rereading it often. So much knowledge about what we need to thrive in a relationship.

[Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I seldom give a 5 star review, saving them for truly only the best, and truly this might be the best 'self help' book I've ever read. This book is incredible and healing. I highly recommend this book. Practical advice with real examples and journalling prompts for reflection throughout. I listened to this as an audiobook but will be buying two copies. One to send to my Mum and Sister and another to keep to re-read and scribble my thoughts into. Thank you Jillian Turecki for the book I didn't know I needed.

[Ace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is everything I thought it would be and more. I am moved, I am empowered, I am forever changed by Jillian’s sage words of advice. I am sure I will be coming back to her words for years to come.

[Kailene · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hits deep. Jillian doesn’t sugarcoat anything-she lays out 9 tough but necessary truths about life, relationships, and self-worth that really make you reflect. It’s not just about finding love but about understanding yourself, healing past wounds, and breaking patterns that hold you back.

[Vickie Kruszewski · Rating 2 out of 5]

I skim read this book because it didn't engage me very much and seemed full of common sense advice.

[caroline · Rating 3 out of 5]

listening to this book isnt life changing revolutionizing ideas but its empowering. doing the journal prompts is great for delving deeper within you. thanks for being a guide to reconnection jillian!

[Nat :) · Rating 5 out of 5]

TLDR: Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, this book is an eye-opener. It’s not about quick fixes or feel-good platitudes—it’s about the gritty, real work of loving yourself and others better. This one will stay with me for a long time.


This book came into my life at exactly the right moment. I’m 31, single, dating, healing, and figuring out how to navigate this chapter of my life. Jillian Turecki’s words were a lifeline, a gentle reminder that the work we do within ourselves is the foundation for every kind of love we want to give and receive.

What struck me most is how this book doesn’t sugarcoat the hard truths about love—it confronts them head-on. Turecki dives into the ways our inner fears, past traumas, and unmet needs shape how we approach relationships. One of the lines that stuck with me:

“The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have, and we will have to continuously work on that relationship to break through the barriers that prevent us from true emotional intimacy with another person.”

The book highlights the importance of personal responsibility and self-awareness in love. It’s not just about finding the right person but becoming the right person for yourself first. That’s not always an easy pill to swallow, but Turecki’s honesty is what makes this book so impactful.

“A huge part of the healing process is learning how to accept ourselves in spite of our shortcomings. Healing ourselves relationally means that, even though we are guaranteed to have moments when we feel insecure and not enough, we learn how to respond to our fears differently, so that they no longer overpower and define our relationships.”

She also doesn’t hold back on the myths we’re fed about love. The part where she breaks down how we confuse lust and love hit me hard.

“We’ve been brainwashed into associating the roller coaster of a tumultuous relationship with loving someone. The truth is, when we feel ungrounded, anxious, and overly consumed and preoccupied... what we’re feeling is lust, not love.”

What I appreciated most was the balance of raw truth with actionable advice. Turecki doesn’t just tell you what the problem is—she gives you tools to address it. From learning how to accept your partner fully to redefining what intimacy means, the book is a manual for building healthier, more fulfilling connections.

And can we talk about how every other page is filled with straight-up wisdom? This one floored me:

“To love someone is to accept their past and commit to not being a continuation of the part of their past that has caused them hurt and suffering. To love someone is to consistently remind ourselves that the person we claim to love is a gift, not a given.”

[Jason Kahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Defining

I’ve reads a bunch of PD and this is at the top of the list. Possibly the easiest to process, digest & implement, this book greatly touched on several areas I struggle with deeply. Each chapter is easy to read and the practices/exercises are simple but deeply meaningful. As one going through a 2nd divorce, Turecki has helped give me a blueprint to achieve lasting love with myself and possibly another.

[Laetitia Haegemans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eigenlijk lees ik geen zelfhulpboeken meer, omdat ik meer haal uit fictieboeken. De auteur las het boek zelf voor, dus daarom dacht ik oké misschien toch eens luisteren want dat vind ik vaak fijn. Ik vond het wel leuk om naar te luisteren, het voelde vooral als een positieve affirmatie voor zelfliefde. Een goede herinnering om naar jezelf te luisteren als je getriggerd voelt en hoe je kan zorgen voor jezelf.

[Tenile Moran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed listening to this! Lots of great insights.

[Laura Cope · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very well done.

[Liset Kuusik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Olgugi, et olen Jilliani loodud sisu pikalt tarbinud, leidsin raamatust siiski palju uut ja kõnetavat insight’i. Eriti meeldisid real-life-story’d tema klientidest, sest päriselu lood kipuvad alati kuidagi rohkem endasse haarama. Kuid ka praktilised tegevused - eriti küsimused, mida nii enda kui kaaslase käest küsida - kõnetasid palju ning panid iseendasse vaatama.

“By reading this book, you choose yourself”

[Alyson Stickel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book on relationships and the relationship you have with yourself. I will be coming back to this book time and time again.

[Shealeigh Brandford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was SO good! As someone who values emotional intelligence in both myself and others, I found this book incredibly insightful. It’s perfect for anyone committed to self-reflection and doing the deep healing work.