Remembering Mother, Finding Myself: A Journey of Love and Self-Acceptance

by Patricia Commins

The loss of a mother is one of the most traumatic experiences of a woman's life. At any age, a mother's death may leave a daughter with feelings of anger, abandonment and profound sadness that taint the way she views herself, her world and every other relationship around her. In this breakthrough book, author Patricia Commins, who lost her mother at 26, shows readers that the key to escaping the sorority of sorrow is by understanding their mothers as women and by feeling an ongoing connection with them. From this perspective -outside the parent-child relationship that is so fraught with conflict and complex emotions - women gain key insights into their mothers and themselves. By addressing the psychological and spiritual connection that remains after a mother's death, Remembering Mother, Finding Myself offers the essential element that is missing from other books on motherless daughters. The Path of Understanding -a unique experiential process based on journaling, conversations with friends and relatives, and meditative exercises- does not seek to negate the loss a woman feels when her mother dies. It instead gently leads her beyond the grief and pain to a new awareness, freeing her from forever trying to be the perfect daughter.Through her own illuminating experiences and those of other women, Commins shows women how to reconnect their deceased mothers while finding peace and self-acceptance. Included are interviews with dozens of women, including such notables as writers Joyce Maynard and Nancy Friday and psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

Genres: Nonfiction

291 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 1999

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a dream about my mom 2 nights ago and had an upsetting night last night, so I thought I'd get back to reading this book. I started it late Nov, finished early Feb. I was surprised the next chapter of the book was "Messages from Above." Seemed fitting, given the dream. So I finished the last 90 pages of the book last night. Enjoyed it. Maybe it was also a little strange that the author is from Oswego, NY - right next to my hometown! I'm struggling with trying to define who I am now and who I want to be in my future. I've lost both parents by my early 30's, it feels like I don't have roots anymore and I'm getting ready to finish grad school and have no idea what I want to do with my life next. I have no idea if marriage or kids fits into my future life. I hope so, but you never really know what life is going to throw at you. If life has taught me anything, it's expect the unexpected. And as the book points out, time is precious. We have no idea how much or how little time we will spend on this earth. I'm glad I had the chance to know my mom as the woman she was, separate from her role as a mother. I know her likes & dislikes, hobbies & interests, friends, value system. One of the pieces I miss is not hearing more stories from and about her. I should have asked more questions about her dreams, family history/stories, etc. I didn't write things down, and my memory is not good. Now, as the book mentions, I have to get that info from others who knew her. The book also talks about "other mothers," ex: grandmothers, aunts, friends' mothers and other female mentors who come into our lives when they are needed to offer advice & guidance. I've been fortunate and had a lot of these in my life but I can already tell, in the 9 months since mom died, that the roles of females in my life has been changing significantly. The book says remembering your mother is the journey, finding yourself is the destination...

[Carissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought that I would have years before I had to add this type of book to my TBR list.