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So Gay for You: Friendship, Found Family, and the Show That Started It All
An intimate, hilarious memoir of art, friendship, queerness, and found family by Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey, stars of
The L Word
—including never-before-shared stories and photos from behind the scenes of the show and their personal lives.
"Are you comfortable with nudity?" my manager asked.
In the early 2000s, Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey—both young artists trying to figure it all out—met at auditions for an unknown little TV show. Given that it was a show about lesbians living in Los Angeles, with the first ever ensemble cast of openly queer female characters, Kate and Leisha knew the project was going to be unlike anything else out there—that is, if it even got picked up.
Then, one million people watched the premiere. The show, which came to be called The L Word, turned into a trailblazing phenomenon. Its influence on pop culture, in the political arena, and in the lives of viewers has been lasting, impactful, even life-saving. And in addition to changing the course of television history, The L Word changed Kate and Leisha's lives forever.
From their first day on set, Kate and Leisha have always had each other’s backs, inseparable to the degree that the cast joked they were like a pair of pants—you couldn't have one leg without the other. Hence the name for their branded partnership, PANTS, launched in 2020, and accompanying podcast, which has been downloaded over twenty million times.
This friendship has seen Kate and Leisha through their greatest triumphs and most painful moments, stumbling from closeted queer kids in a hostile culture, to LGBTQ+ activists, actors, podcasters, and business owners. Full of never-before-shared glimpses into the making of The L Word, Kate and Leisha's real-life loves and losses, and their experience as queer icons, So Gay for You is a heartfelt, inspiring love letter to a ride or die friendship over the decades, and a testament to the liberating power of chosen family.
"Are you comfortable with nudity?" my manager asked.
In the early 2000s, Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey—both young artists trying to figure it all out—met at auditions for an unknown little TV show. Given that it was a show about lesbians living in Los Angeles, with the first ever ensemble cast of openly queer female characters, Kate and Leisha knew the project was going to be unlike anything else out there—that is, if it even got picked up.
Then, one million people watched the premiere. The show, which came to be called The L Word, turned into a trailblazing phenomenon. Its influence on pop culture, in the political arena, and in the lives of viewers has been lasting, impactful, even life-saving. And in addition to changing the course of television history, The L Word changed Kate and Leisha's lives forever.
From their first day on set, Kate and Leisha have always had each other’s backs, inseparable to the degree that the cast joked they were like a pair of pants—you couldn't have one leg without the other. Hence the name for their branded partnership, PANTS, launched in 2020, and accompanying podcast, which has been downloaded over twenty million times.
This friendship has seen Kate and Leisha through their greatest triumphs and most painful moments, stumbling from closeted queer kids in a hostile culture, to LGBTQ+ activists, actors, podcasters, and business owners. Full of never-before-shared glimpses into the making of The L Word, Kate and Leisha's real-life loves and losses, and their experience as queer icons, So Gay for You is a heartfelt, inspiring love letter to a ride or die friendship over the decades, and a testament to the liberating power of chosen family.
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First published June 3, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 700 reviews
August 22, 2025
“ lesbian paradise in vancouver “
this book was full of everything that makes queer storytelling matter with the found family.
it reshaped the way i see the L word. the characters looked so confident in season one, yet behind the scenes, they were still figuring themselves out.that contrast is the brilliance of it. their acting wasn’t just good, it was transformative.
this book shows the tension between what we see and what’s real. it shows the pressure to perform queerness in a way that was “digestible” for mainstream audiences how even being “too gay” was something to tone down for the industry.
“how can we make you look more accessible? translation: how can we make you look less gay”
moments like leisha’s line, “women can sexualize each other too,” showing how queer representation is complex and is nothing about the male gaze.YES.
their storytelling is honest and doesn’t sugarcoat anything about who they are as people. i wanted to give kate and leisha the biggest hugs while they were kids. whether it’s about the industry, representation, or the reality of being visibly queer in a time when that still came with huge risk.
this book also shows how the media has historically demanded queerness to be palatable , something to be shaped and softened for mainstream approval. it reminded me why authentic representation matters so much.
it’s disappointing that there are still no legal ways to watch The L Word in Turkey, but that only proves how ahead of its time this show was, even in 2025.
this isn’t just nostalgia about an old tv show.it’s perspective, it’s reclamation, and it’s real queer history.
this book was full of everything that makes queer storytelling matter with the found family.
it reshaped the way i see the L word. the characters looked so confident in season one, yet behind the scenes, they were still figuring themselves out.that contrast is the brilliance of it. their acting wasn’t just good, it was transformative.
this book shows the tension between what we see and what’s real. it shows the pressure to perform queerness in a way that was “digestible” for mainstream audiences how even being “too gay” was something to tone down for the industry.
“how can we make you look more accessible? translation: how can we make you look less gay”
moments like leisha’s line, “women can sexualize each other too,” showing how queer representation is complex and is nothing about the male gaze.YES.
their storytelling is honest and doesn’t sugarcoat anything about who they are as people. i wanted to give kate and leisha the biggest hugs while they were kids. whether it’s about the industry, representation, or the reality of being visibly queer in a time when that still came with huge risk.
this book also shows how the media has historically demanded queerness to be palatable , something to be shaped and softened for mainstream approval. it reminded me why authentic representation matters so much.
it’s disappointing that there are still no legal ways to watch The L Word in Turkey, but that only proves how ahead of its time this show was, even in 2025.
this isn’t just nostalgia about an old tv show.it’s perspective, it’s reclamation, and it’s real queer history.
January 12, 2025
This book is spectacular…. I genuinely mean that. The voice is perfect - it sounds exactly like you’d expect Kate and Leisha to sound. They did a fabulous job. I looked up the agency they worked with and was blown away.
I think they did a wonderful job balancing their personal stories with stories about the show. I did not expect them to go so in depth about the show and their personal lives, but they brought so much life to it all. I really felt like I was experiencing two people tell the TRUTH. It was fine and tender and also clear-eyed and willing to be critical of moments they did not love, moments where the show could have done better, and moments they so appreciated.
Their friendship is so beautiful and I love seeing a memoir by two queer women who are best FRIENDS but can express their love for each other so freely.
I loved this book so much!!!
I highly recommend to fans of the L Word!! But also to just women who love reading about female friendship, or queer friendship.
I think they did a wonderful job balancing their personal stories with stories about the show. I did not expect them to go so in depth about the show and their personal lives, but they brought so much life to it all. I really felt like I was experiencing two people tell the TRUTH. It was fine and tender and also clear-eyed and willing to be critical of moments they did not love, moments where the show could have done better, and moments they so appreciated.
Their friendship is so beautiful and I love seeing a memoir by two queer women who are best FRIENDS but can express their love for each other so freely.
I loved this book so much!!!
I highly recommend to fans of the L Word!! But also to just women who love reading about female friendship, or queer friendship.
August 20, 2025
This was quite good as far as celebrity memoirs go! I think it worked really well for the book to alternate between Kate and Leisha's perspectives (narrated by them in the audiobook of course). There were a lot of fun details about the original L Word, particularly about the friendships the actors had behind the scenes and Kate's coming out story. Kate really didn't hold back about how dirty they did Shane in the reboot. I agree!
July 12, 2025
such a great stroll down memory lane and insights into behind the scenes for l word fans, but also interesting memoirs for both actors’ path to the show.
i feel so validated by kate moennig and mia kirschner both being pro shaynee & jenny as well as kate having empathy and love for jenny’s character.
i feel so validated by kate moennig and mia kirschner both being pro shaynee & jenny as well as kate having empathy and love for jenny’s character.
February 13, 2025
I remember as a teen struggling that I couldn't really find lesbian representation of people that looked like me in media. As a brown skinned femme, I knew I was queer but didn't know what that really would look like when I was older. Just after I finished high school I remember finding the first season of The L Word in a bargain bin at a shop, and I bought it after reading the synopsis. I remember the way I felt watching those early episodes and how amazed I was that there was a program and community out there of queer women. It was life changing.
Flash forward nearly 20 years and although I'm no longer that die hard L word fan, I was intrigued to read more about Leisha and Kate from their own perspectives. I wasn't really sure what to expect from this book, but I really enjoyed it.
Kate and Leisha’s distinct voices come through strongly, and I loved the way they wrote this. It's like chatting with a friend or two while getting a sneaky behind the scenes viewpoint on their love lives, early lives and their career. Leisha's humour and honesty shone through particularly, but it's also packed full of their nostalgia of their time on the show.
I particularly liked that they don’t shy away from the show’s flaws, openly discussing the missteps while also celebrating its groundbreaking impact. Their stories about the audition process, filming, and the industry’s evolution over the years add depth beyond just reminiscing. It’s refreshing to see them be so candid, both about the show and about their own growth as individuals and friends.
At its core, So Gay For You is a love letter to queer friendship, highlighting the kind of bond that transcends time, distance, and career changes. Kate and Leisha’s relationship is so full of affection, teasing, and mutual respect that it’s impossible not to smile while reading. Whether you’re a die-hard The L Word fan or just someone who enjoys reading about strong, supportive friendships, this book is a delight from start to finish. I really enjoyed it.
Many thanks to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for a copy of this novel. ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.
Flash forward nearly 20 years and although I'm no longer that die hard L word fan, I was intrigued to read more about Leisha and Kate from their own perspectives. I wasn't really sure what to expect from this book, but I really enjoyed it.
Kate and Leisha’s distinct voices come through strongly, and I loved the way they wrote this. It's like chatting with a friend or two while getting a sneaky behind the scenes viewpoint on their love lives, early lives and their career. Leisha's humour and honesty shone through particularly, but it's also packed full of their nostalgia of their time on the show.
I particularly liked that they don’t shy away from the show’s flaws, openly discussing the missteps while also celebrating its groundbreaking impact. Their stories about the audition process, filming, and the industry’s evolution over the years add depth beyond just reminiscing. It’s refreshing to see them be so candid, both about the show and about their own growth as individuals and friends.
At its core, So Gay For You is a love letter to queer friendship, highlighting the kind of bond that transcends time, distance, and career changes. Kate and Leisha’s relationship is so full of affection, teasing, and mutual respect that it’s impossible not to smile while reading. Whether you’re a die-hard The L Word fan or just someone who enjoys reading about strong, supportive friendships, this book is a delight from start to finish. I really enjoyed it.
Many thanks to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for a copy of this novel. ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.
June 5, 2025
5 stars. The way that my little ass used to sneak and watch The L Word at 12 years old. I was so obsessed with that show. The fucking crush that I had on Shane. Girl. My love for all things Bette and Tina. Girl. And then I had the audacity to go on and live in a rainbow filled glass closet for 20 something years because the fear of coming out to the people in my life made me want to die. GIRL.
The gay ass call was always coming from inside of the house is what I’m getting at and The L Word was so important to me as a young gay girl. By the time that show came out I was already aware that I liked girls but again, see the whole fear of coming out thing but what a time in my life! This book is getting five stars because I love Leisha and Kate so much and because this was just so fucking nostalgic. Reading about the filming and making of the show was absolutely fascinating. There were some fascinating tea and tidbits about the making of the show and their lives before and after it. It was so good. I absolutely loved this. If you’re a fan of The L Word I would highly recommend it!
The gay ass call was always coming from inside of the house is what I’m getting at and The L Word was so important to me as a young gay girl. By the time that show came out I was already aware that I liked girls but again, see the whole fear of coming out thing but what a time in my life! This book is getting five stars because I love Leisha and Kate so much and because this was just so fucking nostalgic. Reading about the filming and making of the show was absolutely fascinating. There were some fascinating tea and tidbits about the making of the show and their lives before and after it. It was so good. I absolutely loved this. If you’re a fan of The L Word I would highly recommend it!
May 29, 2025
Back in the early 2000s, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig—unknowns trying to break into Hollywood—both showed up for an audition. They clicked. Moennig got the part...but the writers worked Hailey into the show as well, and a friendship—to say nothing of a hella memorable show—was born.
Every day, between 8:30 and 9:00 a.m., one of us calls the other for a morning check-in. Like clockwork, my wife[...] will hand me the phone and say, without a hint of resentment, not even looking up from her New York Times, "It's your other wife." (loc. 3083*)
I watched maybe two seasons of The L Word at the time (rather behind release schedule, I imagine). This was back when, if you wanted to watch something you didn't otherwise have access to, someone who understood the Internet better than I did burned you a DVD. (I'm neither justifying this nor recommending it, but my family did not have television, it was the early 2000s in a red state, and teenaged me would literally not have known where to find this show through more above-board means.) Even as a teenager who had watched precious little television, I knew it was not good television, and yet: how could you look away? Teenaged me had scoured Alison Bechdel's Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic to make a list of every queer book she mentioned and take that list to the library. I found maybe two of the books on the list, and at least one of those books was wildly depressing. Books that celebrated queerness were hard to find and shows even harder to find (even if you had television). And here were Moennig and Hailey and the rest of the cast presenting queerness as something that was just there, (mostly) not as coming-out stories or trauma but as romance and drama and found family. And two decades later—without, let's be honest, any intention of ever going back and watching the rest of the show**—I'm still here for it.
So this is absolutely a book for readers for whom The L Word meant something or means something. It's a look beyond the ripped DVD at what it was like to make the show and with it redefine part of queer culture. Hailey and Moennig write through a lot of the plot points of the show, and you don't need to be intimately familiar with the show to follow it (again: I've seen maybe two seasons, twenty years ago); I'd still recommend the book to other curious readers and particularly to baby queers who are too young to have caught the first L Word wave. But at its core...this is a love letter to a time and place and context and found family.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
**Nothing personal, L Word, I just still don't watch TV
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
Every day, between 8:30 and 9:00 a.m., one of us calls the other for a morning check-in. Like clockwork, my wife[...] will hand me the phone and say, without a hint of resentment, not even looking up from her New York Times, "It's your other wife." (loc. 3083*)
I watched maybe two seasons of The L Word at the time (rather behind release schedule, I imagine). This was back when, if you wanted to watch something you didn't otherwise have access to, someone who understood the Internet better than I did burned you a DVD. (I'm neither justifying this nor recommending it, but my family did not have television, it was the early 2000s in a red state, and teenaged me would literally not have known where to find this show through more above-board means.) Even as a teenager who had watched precious little television, I knew it was not good television, and yet: how could you look away? Teenaged me had scoured Alison Bechdel's Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic to make a list of every queer book she mentioned and take that list to the library. I found maybe two of the books on the list, and at least one of those books was wildly depressing. Books that celebrated queerness were hard to find and shows even harder to find (even if you had television). And here were Moennig and Hailey and the rest of the cast presenting queerness as something that was just there, (mostly) not as coming-out stories or trauma but as romance and drama and found family. And two decades later—without, let's be honest, any intention of ever going back and watching the rest of the show**—I'm still here for it.
So this is absolutely a book for readers for whom The L Word meant something or means something. It's a look beyond the ripped DVD at what it was like to make the show and with it redefine part of queer culture. Hailey and Moennig write through a lot of the plot points of the show, and you don't need to be intimately familiar with the show to follow it (again: I've seen maybe two seasons, twenty years ago); I'd still recommend the book to other curious readers and particularly to baby queers who are too young to have caught the first L Word wave. But at its core...this is a love letter to a time and place and context and found family.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
**Nothing personal, L Word, I just still don't watch TV
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
June 28, 2025
I adore these two. This had so many great nuggets in it.
April 14, 2025
This was such a blast to read! I didn’t know much about Leisha and Kate outside of them being on The L Word, I loved getting to learn about their separate lives and their friendship. And of course many stories about the TV show. The book alternates between Leisha and Kate’s perspectives, I really appreciated how their different voices shone through in the writing.
I’ve never read a memoir quite like this one before. It was interesting going back and forth between their different childhoods, experiences growing up, and being young, struggling artists before meeting on The L Word. The bulk of the book is definitely spent on the show, talking about their experiences shooting it, thoughts on different storylines, ways it was groundbreaking, and also ways it missed the mark on certain issues (especially when it came to trans characters and bisexuality). I loved hearing about how much of a found family vibe there was with the cast and crew. It was also interesting and frustrating to read about how they fought so hard for the show’s reboot only to end up being disappointed with the eventual outcome.
Leisha and Kate’s friendship is just so beautiful to read about. Definitely check out this memoir if you’re a fan of The L Word. But I also feel like it could be enjoyed by people who are interested in the history of queer media, queer friendships, or found family stories.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an advance copy via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
I’ve never read a memoir quite like this one before. It was interesting going back and forth between their different childhoods, experiences growing up, and being young, struggling artists before meeting on The L Word. The bulk of the book is definitely spent on the show, talking about their experiences shooting it, thoughts on different storylines, ways it was groundbreaking, and also ways it missed the mark on certain issues (especially when it came to trans characters and bisexuality). I loved hearing about how much of a found family vibe there was with the cast and crew. It was also interesting and frustrating to read about how they fought so hard for the show’s reboot only to end up being disappointed with the eventual outcome.
Leisha and Kate’s friendship is just so beautiful to read about. Definitely check out this memoir if you’re a fan of The L Word. But I also feel like it could be enjoyed by people who are interested in the history of queer media, queer friendships, or found family stories.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an advance copy via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
October 20, 2025
I loved this book so much! I loved getting a like behind the scenes look into Leisha and Kate’s lives with the growing up, their families, friends and professional careers! I love listening to their podcast Pants and listening to the audio book was definitely the way to go! I love hearing them voice their own stories! If you want a deeper look into the spectacular women that are so well known for starring on The L Word then I highly recommend this book! P.S. do yourself a favor and listen to the audio book! You won’t regret it!
June 2, 2025
I love them
July 8, 2025
this would’ve been 5 stars if they had been a bit more honest about gen q…. i wanted a tell all!!!
May 22, 2025
thank you to St. Martin's Press and Macmillan audio for the advanced digital and audiobook copies of one of my most anticipated books this year!
this one is out June 3rd, 2025.
--
when the l word first came out, i was a deeply closeted person. i had a bad dad that often expressed affection financially so whenever he was doing one of his apology tours i would request a box set of the newest season of the l word on dvd. i prayed and prayed that he wouldn't read the back of the box to figure out i was watching a show about lesbians. he never did, but that's not the point.
the l word was pretty instrumental back then. lesbian representation was pretty rare and the most it felt like we had was ellen, who was mostly a punchline, or rosie, who people loved to make fun of despite her absolutely inherent joy and sense of humor. the l word was the first visual representation that i had of lesbians that i wanted to become - hot, fun, happy with a bunch of friends, participating in sex that was steamy not just 35 minutes of longingly looking another girl in the eyes.
also, i can't really tell you that kate moennig or leisha hailey were MY queer awakening - i was already awakened but i paid a LOT of attention to them both.
this memoir goes through leisha and kate's upbringing, to when they first realized their queerness, through getting cast on the show, originally called earthlings. (didn't know this, now love that they were constantly having lunch at a restaurant/bar called the planet.)
i remember really prevalent rumors about personality clashes between the cast that led to a significant character exit at the end of season one. for the record, we don't hear much about that story. but we do, for the first time, get to hear what they Really thought about the ending to the original show that traumatized us all. we get to hear about all the ways the original series aged badly. we get to hear the story of what happened with that alice-in-jail spin-off, a show that never made it to air followed by the extreme popularity of orange is the new black later. we get to hear what they thought about generation q, the mistakes in its creation that took it from a beautiful homage to the original series to something that lacked a beating heart.
this book let's you grow with leisha and kate, tells you about their loves, both the ones that they lost and the ones that they gained. their heartbreaks, their losses. it really paints a beautiful story of a relationship between two soulmated friends that will make you long for it for yourself.
this was an excellent nostalgic read for me. 5 stars.
this one is out June 3rd, 2025.
--
when the l word first came out, i was a deeply closeted person. i had a bad dad that often expressed affection financially so whenever he was doing one of his apology tours i would request a box set of the newest season of the l word on dvd. i prayed and prayed that he wouldn't read the back of the box to figure out i was watching a show about lesbians. he never did, but that's not the point.
the l word was pretty instrumental back then. lesbian representation was pretty rare and the most it felt like we had was ellen, who was mostly a punchline, or rosie, who people loved to make fun of despite her absolutely inherent joy and sense of humor. the l word was the first visual representation that i had of lesbians that i wanted to become - hot, fun, happy with a bunch of friends, participating in sex that was steamy not just 35 minutes of longingly looking another girl in the eyes.
also, i can't really tell you that kate moennig or leisha hailey were MY queer awakening - i was already awakened but i paid a LOT of attention to them both.
this memoir goes through leisha and kate's upbringing, to when they first realized their queerness, through getting cast on the show, originally called earthlings. (didn't know this, now love that they were constantly having lunch at a restaurant/bar called the planet.)
i remember really prevalent rumors about personality clashes between the cast that led to a significant character exit at the end of season one. for the record, we don't hear much about that story. but we do, for the first time, get to hear what they Really thought about the ending to the original show that traumatized us all. we get to hear about all the ways the original series aged badly. we get to hear the story of what happened with that alice-in-jail spin-off, a show that never made it to air followed by the extreme popularity of orange is the new black later. we get to hear what they thought about generation q, the mistakes in its creation that took it from a beautiful homage to the original series to something that lacked a beating heart.
this book let's you grow with leisha and kate, tells you about their loves, both the ones that they lost and the ones that they gained. their heartbreaks, their losses. it really paints a beautiful story of a relationship between two soulmated friends that will make you long for it for yourself.
this was an excellent nostalgic read for me. 5 stars.
November 11, 2025
It was wonderful to revisit THE L WORD in Leisha and Kate's memoir. It made me want to re-watch the (original) show!
The portion of this memoir that talks about how Kate, Leisha, and the gang were cast on THE L WORD, how they spent their time on set, and the completely otherworldly experience of changing lesbian television was easily my favorite part. It was incredibly interesting to hear their perspectives on the show's classic scenes and infamous guest stars. The cast immediately bonded, and I loved reading how so many of them became friends for life, especially Kate and Leisha.
The rest of the book is really just a very fast skim of the two women's lives -- everything gets a quick gloss. The AIDS crisis; let's cover it in 5 lines, etc. It might have been better to go more in-depth on a few areas rather than try to cover everything. Still, the book is structured to show the light parallels between Leisha and Kate's lives, allowing it to move quickly.
Neither woman pulls any punches, especially when it comes to THE L WORD sequel (Kate especially). As mentioned, they don't go too deep into anything, but it's easy to tell how they feel about most topics.
This is a great read for any L WORD fans but those looking for a more in-depth memoir may find it lacking. Still, everyone will enjoy how Kate and Leisha's humor and obvious friendship shine through their narrative. 3.5 stars.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and St. Martin's Press in return for an unbiased review.
The portion of this memoir that talks about how Kate, Leisha, and the gang were cast on THE L WORD, how they spent their time on set, and the completely otherworldly experience of changing lesbian television was easily my favorite part. It was incredibly interesting to hear their perspectives on the show's classic scenes and infamous guest stars. The cast immediately bonded, and I loved reading how so many of them became friends for life, especially Kate and Leisha.
The rest of the book is really just a very fast skim of the two women's lives -- everything gets a quick gloss. The AIDS crisis; let's cover it in 5 lines, etc. It might have been better to go more in-depth on a few areas rather than try to cover everything. Still, the book is structured to show the light parallels between Leisha and Kate's lives, allowing it to move quickly.
Neither woman pulls any punches, especially when it comes to THE L WORD sequel (Kate especially). As mentioned, they don't go too deep into anything, but it's easy to tell how they feel about most topics.
This is a great read for any L WORD fans but those looking for a more in-depth memoir may find it lacking. Still, everyone will enjoy how Kate and Leisha's humor and obvious friendship shine through their narrative. 3.5 stars.
I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and St. Martin's Press in return for an unbiased review.
July 3, 2025
So Gay for You is Kate and Leisha’s love letter to the L Word and a reflection on their lives as individuals, co-stars, and friends. Be warned: this book will make you consider a rewatch, or at least a recap of the show’s best moments
June 8, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Four stars
As one of my most anticipated reads of 2025, I had high high hopes for So Gay For You and it didn't disappoint. It's a love letter to queer found family and to The L Word, and I would recommend it to anybody who is a fan of either, and certainly to those who hold both dear. Leisha Hailey's and Kate Moennig's unique voices are a joy to read, and I highly recommend the audiobook if you pick up this book because they're even more of a joy to listen to. I only wish they talked more about The L Word Generation Q which was really only mentioned briefly.
As one of my most anticipated reads of 2025, I had high high hopes for So Gay For You and it didn't disappoint. It's a love letter to queer found family and to The L Word, and I would recommend it to anybody who is a fan of either, and certainly to those who hold both dear. Leisha Hailey's and Kate Moennig's unique voices are a joy to read, and I highly recommend the audiobook if you pick up this book because they're even more of a joy to listen to. I only wish they talked more about The L Word Generation Q which was really only mentioned briefly.
July 19, 2025
as a lesbian, this was everything i needed and more!! im rewatching the l word rn
July 6, 2025
Very enjoyable artists Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig telling us about their lives before, during and after the groundbreaking L Word Showtime series, offering insight, humor and love to us all.
July 11, 2025
Wait. Stop. This was fantastic! I went into this expecting a brief, behind the scenes peek at The L Word, but Kate and Leisha didn’t just crack the door open—they flung it wide and dragged me into every single aspect of the whole damn thing.
Seriously, I don’t think I could have asked for a better memoir from these two. It hit all the marks: their childhoods, their early careers, their auditions, the show, the between seasons drama, life after The L Word, the reboot, the disappointment of the reboot, their White House experiences (casual flex), their podcast, their relationships everything. And it was all written in a way that felt raw, hilarious, and deeply personal.
Now, as a 44 year old mom of two with my wife, I can say I was deep in the trenches of The L Word fandom when it first aired. Back in my early 20s, I never missed an episode and attended more than my fair share of lesbian watch parties in Center City Philadelphia, just blocks away from where Kate grew up. That show was everything, no matter how wild the plotlines got or how much Generation Q let me down. And after reading this? I really wish Kate and Leisha had been given more control over the reboot. I have zero doubt they would have made it the successful revival we all wanted.
In the end, this book left me wanting to rewatch the original L Word (again) and finally dive into their podcast. Also, shocking plot twist, I now find myself drawn more to Leisha rather than doubling down on my 20+ year Kate crush. Growth? Who knows.
Huge thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for the advanced copy so that I could give my honest feedback and review. You knocked this one out of the park.
Seriously, I don’t think I could have asked for a better memoir from these two. It hit all the marks: their childhoods, their early careers, their auditions, the show, the between seasons drama, life after The L Word, the reboot, the disappointment of the reboot, their White House experiences (casual flex), their podcast, their relationships everything. And it was all written in a way that felt raw, hilarious, and deeply personal.
Now, as a 44 year old mom of two with my wife, I can say I was deep in the trenches of The L Word fandom when it first aired. Back in my early 20s, I never missed an episode and attended more than my fair share of lesbian watch parties in Center City Philadelphia, just blocks away from where Kate grew up. That show was everything, no matter how wild the plotlines got or how much Generation Q let me down. And after reading this? I really wish Kate and Leisha had been given more control over the reboot. I have zero doubt they would have made it the successful revival we all wanted.
In the end, this book left me wanting to rewatch the original L Word (again) and finally dive into their podcast. Also, shocking plot twist, I now find myself drawn more to Leisha rather than doubling down on my 20+ year Kate crush. Growth? Who knows.
Huge thanks to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for the advanced copy so that I could give my honest feedback and review. You knocked this one out of the park.
June 27, 2025
This book is written with a lot of references, and about 2/3 of the timeline, connecting to The L Word and its reboot. As a huge fan of the show, I thoroughly enjoyed it! The parallel narration is engaging, and it was fun and revealing to revisit the show from an inside perspective.
In the other 1/3 the authors give us their histories, which is also interesting. Especially since they each have unique coming out stories and family acceptance.
If a reader hasn’t watched the show, it may be less meaningful to read, as there are many references to characters and actors. Also, the authors include spoilers in the storyline for folks who haven’t watched or are in the midst of watching. So, read after watching!
Because most of the book is specifically connected to the show, I gave it a lower rating. If the book were a companion piece to the show, it would be a 5 star ⭐️! I love these women and all they’ve done for the community!
In the other 1/3 the authors give us their histories, which is also interesting. Especially since they each have unique coming out stories and family acceptance.
If a reader hasn’t watched the show, it may be less meaningful to read, as there are many references to characters and actors. Also, the authors include spoilers in the storyline for folks who haven’t watched or are in the midst of watching. So, read after watching!
Because most of the book is specifically connected to the show, I gave it a lower rating. If the book were a companion piece to the show, it would be a 5 star ⭐️! I love these women and all they’ve done for the community!
January 27, 2025
Reading this book was like being wrapped up in a warm hug. Moennig & Hailey do a great job of balancing their personal back story's and behind the scenes look at The L Word. These two humans have has such a hand in my coming out and it was great to get to know them beyond Alice & Shane. Overall, this books boils down to joy and friendship, it is fresh, nostalgic, and SO hard to put down.
Thank you so much for this arc NetGalley, easily was my most anticipated read of the year! 5 stars.
Thank you so much for this arc NetGalley, easily was my most anticipated read of the year! 5 stars.
July 12, 2025
this is a must read if you watched the l word or not (but if you didn’t, you should even though it aged horribly). queer role models were few and far between when the l word aired and reading the behind the scenes is so special and made more special knowing kate and leisha are still best friends. this isn’t just a book for queer audiences but for anyone who has friends they’re grown with over time, understand difficult circumstances and how to show up for the people you love. 23 years is a long time to be with your best friend - i’m glad this book exists.
June 17, 2025
I dutifully watched The L Word because it seemed necessary but I definitely didn't like it and had a lot of gripes about plotlines being too similar from season to season (I still don't know why there had to be a new cheating storyline every three episodes). I enjoyed this book enough to consider going back to rewatch it and see if I can appreciate it more a second time through which was a surprise to me! I think that speaks to the merit of this book.
Writing a dual memoir is tricky and I thought they formatted it very well. They also balanced talking about their personal lives, the queer scene (or lack thereof) in show business, and the behind the scenes of the show very well.
Writing a dual memoir is tricky and I thought they formatted it very well. They also balanced talking about their personal lives, the queer scene (or lack thereof) in show business, and the behind the scenes of the show very well.
August 27, 2025
was the writing phenomenal? no, but it just warmed my heart learning more about Kate/Leisha and the L word. If you loved the show you will love this!!! It was so interesting to hear more about their experience in both the OG run and the reboot (which we shared a lot of opinions about lol). Loved it
November 21, 2025
love my close personal friends kate and leisha. happy to know they hated gen q too.
October 31, 2025
I love my identity and I love my community and I love our culture that’s my family
October 15, 2025
the beauty of lesbians booking lesbian roles in lesbian shows.....
Read
August 16, 2025This book was a fun, easily digestible, highly nostalgic read with some really interesting insights and honesty. It occasionally had that celebrity memoir problem of superfluous name-dropping, but the humor completely made up for it. Worth the read if you watched the original show.
June 16, 2025
This is a light hearted read with a few good insights into the workings of The L Word (both the original and the reboot). I don’t listen to Kate and Leisha’s podcast, but I imagine that a lot of what is discussed in this book has also come up on that platform. There isn’t anything too dramatic, limited juicy gossip, most of which fans of The L Word likely know or could assume. It felt like there was a lot of ground to cover for only one book (especially considering it’s from two perspectives, which although often agree, still hold several differences), so many topics just felt surface level. I liked the insight into each woman’s personal life but I think I would have overall preferred a stronger, more detailed focus on their experiences with The L Word.
July 16, 2025
-i’m not an audiobook person bc it’s not the same as reading tbhhh but i wouldn’t have had this book any other way than in my ear for eight hours straight. it was an absolute delight listening to this amongst my mundane daily routines and reminded me of the hours i spent glued to the screen obsessed with the lives of these fictional illustrious lesbians but this time it felt as tho they were immersed into my world funny enough??? i remember where i was watching each episode they recount and its crazy how at eighteen y/o and barely butchy i knew maybe two other lesbians who watched the show, now there is a whole web of lesbians whom i love that i found myself turning to when i got to a juicy and too good not to mention parts of the book(*)
-burst into tears at too many points—i didn’t think the lives of the characters and actors could get any more relatable but maybe this book came to me at the right time because i feel a little less anxious than i did about the chaos of being queer+trans in your twenties than i did at the start of the month(maybe it was the sun in cancer and moon in scorpio but who knows??)hearing kate and leisha state that they wouldn’t have changed anything about how they came out, how many lesbian heartbreaks and friendship breakups they experienced, or how much weed they smoked means the world and more to a twentysomething year old lesbian figuring it out with their other equally confused and stoned gay and lesbian friends
-KATE IS RIGHT!!!! jenny makes the show and it’d be nothing without her tortured self!!!!
-mentioned tiktok one too many times /3
-too many self directed critiques of what the show once was and still is from leisha and kate!!!!it has its faults as they admit many times but it’s nothing short of being a piece of living lesbian history!!!!not only was it ahead of its time but i wld go as far to say that we have not seen a tv show like it since.so many pieces of lesbian culture embedded into the show that get dismissed when representing folks on tv today imo
- (SPOILER!!) i would have given anything for jenny to top shane just for the one time. butches needn’t always be shy abt bottoming and the showrunners should have let it happen*
-i’m figuring out what chosen family looks like everyday but one thing for sure is that i love pants and i love being a lesbian!!
-listening to this in tandem with tipsily meeting celine sciamma and spilling the beans ab my piracy habit has reminded me that Lesbian Filmmakers Can Go Far!!!
-i love the l word too much to not revisit this book again in its entirety so i’ll be back…soon i hope!
-burst into tears at too many points—i didn’t think the lives of the characters and actors could get any more relatable but maybe this book came to me at the right time because i feel a little less anxious than i did about the chaos of being queer+trans in your twenties than i did at the start of the month(maybe it was the sun in cancer and moon in scorpio but who knows??)hearing kate and leisha state that they wouldn’t have changed anything about how they came out, how many lesbian heartbreaks and friendship breakups they experienced, or how much weed they smoked means the world and more to a twentysomething year old lesbian figuring it out with their other equally confused and stoned gay and lesbian friends
-KATE IS RIGHT!!!! jenny makes the show and it’d be nothing without her tortured self!!!!
-mentioned tiktok one too many times /3
-too many self directed critiques of what the show once was and still is from leisha and kate!!!!it has its faults as they admit many times but it’s nothing short of being a piece of living lesbian history!!!!not only was it ahead of its time but i wld go as far to say that we have not seen a tv show like it since.so many pieces of lesbian culture embedded into the show that get dismissed when representing folks on tv today imo
- (SPOILER!!) i would have given anything for jenny to top shane just for the one time. butches needn’t always be shy abt bottoming and the showrunners should have let it happen*
-i’m figuring out what chosen family looks like everyday but one thing for sure is that i love pants and i love being a lesbian!!
-listening to this in tandem with tipsily meeting celine sciamma and spilling the beans ab my piracy habit has reminded me that Lesbian Filmmakers Can Go Far!!!
-i love the l word too much to not revisit this book again in its entirety so i’ll be back…soon i hope!
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