Tropes: enemies to lovers, secret relationship, forbidden relationship, hurt/comfort
Feels: 3.75/5
Steam*: 3/5
Kinks: rough sex, sex in risky places
Angst: medium
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: suicide, homophobia, drug and alcohol abuse, past SA/csa, past sex work, violence, murder, gore
Cheating between MCs: No
Any cheating: No
Other person drama: neither have any thought of being with anyone else in this book. There are references to their past hookups with women. And things they've done with men, but none of the stuff they did with men before was truly consensual, as it was between the ages of 14 and 17, and it was traumatizing to them.
4 stars
Roadkill is 29. Clyde is 27. They are bikers in rival motorcycle clubs. They have interacted with each other and fought for the past 10 years. They are both gay but they are in the closet. They both have traumatic pasts. Roadkill left an abusive home at 14 and lived on the streets doing sex work to get by (which is really CSA given his age), until he got taken in by the biker gang. Clyde was raised in a prosperous biker gang, the son of one of the leaders, but his family was abusive to him. At 17 he tried to hook up with a guy, but ended up beat and raped, so he has complex feelings about what he wants. Roadkill is the enforcer for his biker gang, so he takes out the trash a lot. Recently, Roadkill killed Clyde's brother, but he doesn't know it was him. This has ramped up the tension between their biker gangs. During a clash, a bomb is set off and Roadkill and Clyde very nearly die trapped together. As they're about to die, Roadkill confesses that his regret is he would have liked to have f***** Clyde. And Clyde replies that he would have let him. They pass out.
They are shocked to wake up in the hospital, alive. They both take months to recover. And when they do they seek each other out. Roadkill wants that f***. And Clyde wants to kill Roadkill to keep the secret of his sexuality. They end up falling into enemies with benefits arrangements, mutually assured destruction, they are a safe person for the other one to experiment with sexually. They both been obsessed with each other for 10 years though and as they spend time together it quickly isn't just sex. But now even though they want to be more, their relationship is forbidden and it would be a betrayal of their loyalties if they came out as a couple. They face some danger.
This was actually a surprisingly sweet story. Of course it was dark, traumatic, and sad. But these characters were so gone on each other, they both thought the other person was the bee's knees. They had such reluctant fondness for each other. They treasured each other, took comfort in them, and held / snuggled the other close and just breathed them in. They both liked rough sex at times, but they were slow and patient with each other and they were comparatively vanilla. It packed an emotional punch. They had a tough go of things to be together, but they fit together so well and were committed. I loved Roadkill being a cat daddy.
This book has got me really invested in the side characters. I'm not usually the type of person who likes too much time spent in a book promoting future stories in the series. I wouldn't say the authors spent a lot of time on the side characters but they had such personality conveyed and they were endearing. I'm actually really looking forward to other stories in this series. I hope that Rooster, Creep, and Prophet get their own books.
Some notable moments:
"I still can’t believe I’m doing this in the first place. Is fucking a guy who doesn’t even know how to spell ‘tonight’ really worth all this effort? Practically risking my life?"
I am so weak for cuddling. "Road smirks before pressing his nose to mine. “I’ll get something to clean us up,” he says and eases off me. I grab his waist and pull him close. “Wait. Or… I mean, unless you need to,” I mumble, embarrassed by the technicality of the aftermath when all I want is a cuddle."
"“I’m not ‘sensitive’. I just didn’t want to lose all of you, and how would I know how you’d react if I told you?” Prophet gestures toward Clyde. “It would be an easier pill to swallow if it wasn’t Clyde fucking Turner. Were there no other gays within a fifty-mile-radius?”"
"But no. Creep decides to speak up, so I brace myself. “I am a homosexual too,” he says, dark eyes wide, lips in a tight line, and while for a moment I believe he’s mocking me, the tension in his body reveals that yes, he is that awkward about this."
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.