นิสัยแห่งความสำเร็จของคนไม่สมบูรณ์แบบ

by Dan Sullivan, Benjamin P. Hardy

คุณเคยรู้สึกเหนื่อยล้าและท้อแท้กับการไล่ตามความฝันที่ดูเหมือนไม่มีวันสำเร็จไหม?

วันๆ เอาแต่เปรียบเทียบตัวเองกับคนอื่น จนกลายเป็นความกังวลว่าชีวิตนี้จะประสบความสำเร็จและมีความสุขจริงหรือไม่

Dan Sullivan ตำนานที่ปรึกษาธุรกิจระดับโลก และ Dr. Benjamin Hardy นักจิตวิทยาชื่อดัง จะเผยความลับที่จะช่วยให้คุณหลุดพ้นจากวงจรความกังวลเหล่านี้ พร้อมเปิดเผยเคล็ดลับการสร้างความสุขและความสำเร็จที่แท้จริง

สิ่งที่คุณจะได้จากหนังสือเล่มนี้:
- เรียนรู้วิธีเลิกเปรียบเทียบตัวเองกับคนอื่น แล้วหันมาเอาชนะตัวเองแทน
- ค้นพบเคล็ดลับการสร้างความก้าวหน้าในทุกๆ วัน แบบที่ไม่ต้องเหนื่อยเปล่า
- อ่านเรื่องราวแรงบันดาลใจจากผู้ที่ประสบความสำเร็จมาแล้วจริง

หนังสือเล่มนี้จะเผยวิธีแก้นิสัยเสียที่ขัดขวางความสำเร็จ พร้อมแนวทางการพัฒนาตัวเองที่ใช้ได้ผลจริง ผ่านเรื่องราวแรงบันดาลใจของผู้ที่ประสบความสำเร็จมาแล้ว ให้คุณเริ่มต้นชีวิตใหม่ที่ดีกว่าได้ทันที

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Business, Personal Development, Psychology, Productivity, Audiobook

210 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2025

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

Dan has over 35 years’ experience as a highly regarded speaker, consultant, strategic planner, and coach to entrepreneurial individuals and groups.

He is author of over 40 publications, including The Wall Street Journal Bestseller: Who Not How, The Great Crossover, The 21st Century Agent, Creative Destruction, and How The Best Get Better®. He is co-author of The Laws of Lifetime Growth and The Advisor Century.

Dan is married to Babs Smith, his partner in business and in life. They jointly own and operate The Strategic Coach Inc., with offices in Toronto, Chicago, and the U.K. New workshops are also being held in Los Angeles and Vancouver. Dan and Babs reside in Toronto.

Reviews

[Ali Goodwin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love the core concept of this book but I feel like I grasped the core concept pretty quickly and then the rest of the book didn’t really assert anything super new. I would say 5 stars if it was an article but I don’t think it needed to be a whole book. ALTHOUGH it was a very quick read - I read it in a few hours so I don’t regret reading it.

[Mehrsa · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book should have been a tweet. I am angry it was written and angry that so many people seem to love it.

[Latasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book could’ve been a longform article. While I did enjoy it, it felt incredibly repetitive. Also, tons of privilege and religious white male perspectives, so it’s not necessarily “great for everyone.” However, I do recommend reading the first couple chapters if you need some perspective on the gap and the gain.

[B.J. Fogg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me be happier. I found it so important that I made this book required reading in my Stanford course.

[مشاري الإبراهيم · Rating 4 out of 5]

10 years ago I heard of the term "insecure over-achiever", and happily labeled myself as one. I believe it helped me constantly strive for more, and made me always look at my short-comings / areas for improvement. Later on, I also came across the term 'growth mindset' that also pushed me to identify gaps in my life so I can work on improving them.

What I did not realize, however, how this Trojan horse of habitually focusing on my life gaps [all the time] made me anxious and unsatisfied with most of what I do.

And here came "The Gap and the Gain", with a practical tool kit to balance this out.

In this book, the authors share a simple concept [yet profound if applied well] that can help you ground yourself when the over-achiever in you takes control and pounds you down.

The concept is all about how you measure your progress. Most people focus on the gap between their current reality and their ideal future. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy.

However, the authors argue that it's much more helpful to focus on the gain you've made since your previous self. This means comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, last month, or even last year. When you focus on the gain, you'll start to see your progress and feel more confident and accomplished.

As simple as the above sounds, the book comes with a set of journal prompts and day-to-day tools that make this a practical transformational journey rather than a theoretical one. A few tools:

1. Mentally differentiate between what you "want", and what you "need"; and write it down
2. Journal daily and log in 3 daily wins to force your mind to focus on daily gains "successes" (vs gaps)
3. define what's important, set a unit of measuring for each area of your life, and measure "backward" explicitly (vs comparing to the ideal) annually
4. Conduct mental exercises by subtracting the positive aspects of your life and imagining their absence. This will help you appreciate them more and serve as a reminder of our accomplishments.

As with any great book in this category, it could have been shorter.

Here are some quotes that gives you the gist of the book:

The gap is a state of anxiety, frustration, and inadequacy. The gain is a state of gratitude, confidence, and accomplishment

When you focus on the gap, you're always looking forward to a future that never arrives. When you focus on the gain, you're celebrating the present and creating a future that you love

The gap is a psychological trap that keeps you from achieving your goals. The gain is the key to unlocking your full potential.

[asih simanis · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not a good read, though I wonder if I read the same thing or not, as I read the e-book version, which can be downloaded for free at https://now.strategiccoach.com/the-ga... . But at least it’s just an hour read.

The idea is very simple, don’t measure yourself against the gap (which is the distance between you and your ideal self), but measure yourself against the gain (which is the distance between who you are today with who you were yesterday, or before). The main premise being that this is just a matter of switch of mindset. Which like a muscle can be trained.

Sure.

I agree with all the statements the book states, it’s just not nicely written. It’s a more dogmatic style of writing, which perhaps is better suited as a coaching style, than a writing style. I’m not blown away, I’m not transformed, I just nodded my head politely, like I would to an old man trying to tell me how to live my life.

[Jim · Rating 2 out of 5]

Generally interesting content but nothing really new.

[spoilers below]

There was one interesting idea that I will try: They recommend ending the day with journaling to capture 3 wins for the day and to plan out 3 wins for the next day. Otherwise, not super original and if you have done any personal development work, you will not be surprised by any of the content. It's a good reminder, I guess.

The interviews with Dan Sullivan in the audio version were just so-so - they were better in Who Not How (which is overall a better book).

In this round, Dan seems just really out of touch and in the mood for reminiscing.

For example, he talks about how business people need not care about "helping the world", and he is adamant that he doesn't need to worry about any of the other 8 billion people on the planet, just himself. [I was imagining Benjamin Hardy (40 years younger than Dan) squirming in his chair as he interviewed him at that point.]

Even if you see corporate philanthropy as just a ploy to gain clients or market share, it actually does do that when done right. (And when done right, it actually does good.)

Dan's attitude on this shows that he is very much out of touch with what's working in business today and where public sentiment is on this topic.

[Paul Bard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who Not How, Dr Hardy's previous book, was great but sprawling.

This book is great and tightly written, and deep, and broad, and heart felt.

Virtually every sentence adds value. Virtually every chapter increases added value.

It's a leap forward in Hardy's writing skill. It is much better than his great last book.

As to the content, Dan Sullivan has produced an indispensable insight that is simple, universal, and generative - that is, his insight is an idea that generates more insights by itself.

I highly, highly recommend this book to everyone. It is a unicorn: a general purpose self help business book that is ALSO wise and concise.

Edit: I re-read this book and noticed 3 critical insights.

1. The evening routine is an amazing concept I'd missed on the first read.
2. The impact of social media is truly horrific.
2. The need for a success filter and multiple clear success criteria is pressing.

Amazing book.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

UPDATE 2nd READ: I'm glad this one made my reread list. It was better the second time around. I think there were more take-aways.

=====================================

Genres: Nonfiction/Self-Help/Business/Personal Development

Overall I liked the general message with this one. I liked the way the authors looked at the gaps and the gains in life, both business and personal. It was definitely food for thought.

Now at times it felt a little repetitive...but even with that said, I feel like reread would be helpful. So 4 stars.

[Elizabeth Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moral of the story: Focus on the progress you've made and not on your goal. I found myself skimming a lot. Much of the text was review and general. I wished for more stories/specifics.

[Jaden Connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happiness is where you start, not where you finish.

When you are in the GAP you have an unhealthy attachment to something external. Happiness cannot come from something outside yourself.

Trevor Lawrence example:
1) Having an intense commitment to succeed AND
2) Having a healthy detachment from what you're doing.

Most entrepreneurs are mentally "here" but want to be "there". Embrace being HERE. Yes, you have goals and vision but you're completely happy where you're at.

What are some affirmations I can apply based on what I have learned?
- I am genuinely happy with where I currently am.
- I appreciate everything and everyone around me.
- I love my life.
- I love what I do.
- I am completely free and happy right now.
- I am a CREATOR.

Freedom "from" vs. freedom "to"
1. Freedom from is external (object)
2. Freedom to is internal (agent)

THE GAIN IS BASED ON BEING IN HARMONY WITH WHAT YOU WANT, AND KNOWING THAT YOU DON'T NEED IT.
- This would mean you have to be CLEAR on what it is you WANT.

Your happiness as a person is based on what you measure yourself against.

Lee Brower's 6 filtering questions when making decisions:
1) Is this opportunity, person, expense, adventure, experience, relationship, commitment, etc. aligned with my core values?
2) Will this opportunity, etc. take advantage of my unique ability and make me even stronger? Will it lengthen my stride?
3) How will this opportunity, etc. benefit mankind? Is there a bigger cause or purpose that will benefit society?
4) Does this make sense financially?
5) Is this transactional or transformational? In other words, is this a stand-alone opportunity or a gateway opportunity?
6) If I say "Yes", then what am I saying "No" to?

The GAP takes away your agency as a person and makes you psychologically rigid. The GAIN increases your agency and makes you increasingly psychologically flexible. You manage your emotions, they don’t manage you.

[Arundhati · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5 stars
Come January every year, I develop a short-lived fascination with self-help books. This year, I picked up this one by Ben Hardy, a blogger on psychology/organization I am a fan of.

What makes this book different was that it does not talk about "things one can do". Rather, it addresses a way to shift our mindset in terms of success, or indeed in every sphere of life. The concept of measuring progress backwards, was unique and relevant.

However, I chose to rate it 3.5 stars since I believe it could have easily been a slightly detailed blog post. It did get a tad repetitive in places. Having said that, it was a decent read and unlike many self-help books in the market, I find that it is quite actionable.

[Nopadol Rompho · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've read this year. You don't measure yourself against your ideal self, which you can never achieve. You measure it backward to what you've already achieved.

[Kristiina Teder · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't know it was a self-help book. I would have expected more science-based content. Also too many repetitive sentences.

[Tasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting self-help book that I was recommended to help with my management skills in particular, but also works very well with the way I try to view the world. Don't concentrate on trying to reach an ideal - you never will achieve an ideal, because you will always come up with a new ideal as soon as you're within grasp of that ideal, or it will be so far away that you are unlikely to achieve it. Work instead on looking at what you have achieved, take that as a positive, and move forward with that positive energy. It's amazing how far you can travel on the power of positive energy. Anyone who knows me knows that's how I try to live - baby steps forward, with positivity. That doesn't necessarily mean constant optimism, but turn things around to make the best of them. And this is how you achieve happiness in everything.

Blurb:
"[T]his one simple concept is a masterclass on positive psychology, healthy relationships, mental well-being, and high performance. Everything that psychologists know about how to create a high-functioning and successful person can be achieved using The GAP and The GAIN." - Dr. Benjamin Hardy, from the introduction [to this book].
Most people, especially highly ambitious people, are unhappy because of how they measure their progress. We all have an "ideal", a moving target that is always out of reach. When we measure ourselves against that ideal, we're in "the GAP". However, when we measure ourselves against our previous selves, we're in "the GAIN".
That is where The GAP and The GAIN concept comes in. It was developed by legendary entrepreneur coach Dan Sullivan and is based on his work with tens of thousands of successful entrepreneurs. When Dan's coaching clients periodically take stock of all that they've accomplished - both personally and professionally - they are often shocked at how much they have actually achieved. They weren't able to appreciate their progress because no matter how much they were getting done, they were usually measuring themselves against their ideals or goals.
In this book, you will learn that measuring your current self vs. your former self has enormous psychological benefits. And that's really eh key to this deceptively simply yet multi-layered concept that will have you feeling good, feeling grateful, and feeling like you are making progress even when times are tough, which will in turn bolster motivation, confidence, and future success.
If you're finding that happiness eludes you no matter how much you've achieved, then learning this easy mindset shift will set you on a life-changing path to greater fulfillment and success.

So, this is really about divesting yourself of the negativity that is so easy embrace - the things that you feel you need to achieve, rather than those that you want to achieve. Remember to define your own criteria - you can only measure against yourself, although we always measure against others. Train yourself to see the Gains, rather than the Gaps. Always measure backwards - look how far you've come, not how long the path ahead might be (and, take little steps; break down a long term goal into achievable bite size pieces - it'll make you realise again how far you are going, and how much you have achieved). Transform every experience into a Gain. Take ownership of your past, and concentrate on the positives in that. And use them in your journey forward!

Not from a box, and a great recommendation. It's good to have your own way of thinking put down into words - whatever is thrown at you, it's a learning experience, and take that, and move forward.

A keeper. And who can I pass this on to next????

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me from my girlfriend who read it for her company's book club. I enjoyed this book and there were a lot of helpful tips and insights.

Its amazing when you think about how Human's operate. We have goals and ideals and these ideals are either impossible to reach and the goals are always moving. Once we reach a goal rarely are we satisfied , we end up moving the goal line further down. We are always PURSUING happiness, we never achieve.

This book teaches a person to not measure themselves based on their ideals, but to measure backwards and measure where they are vs where they started ( gains), not gaps between where they are vs their perfect ideals.

I also liked the daily win concepts and writing down 3 daily wins and 3 wins you would like to do the next day. This way you have a log of all mini wins and your are constantly in WIN mode.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a DNF for me. While the premise of living in the gain and avoiding the gap is good and could be helpful, the way many examples were presented didn’t sit right with me. There was more than one mention by the creator (the author interviews him in the audio book) that making the world better or helping other people (with nothing to gain) wasn’t for him. He came across as braggy and better-than to me. The examples of how certain individuals defined success were clearly from wealthy men and unrelatable to the majority of people. After making two negative comments out loud to my phone as the book played, it was time to shut it off.

[Christi · Rating 1 out of 5]

There's one tiny message stretched out over pages and pages. Measure your success by looking back at what you've gained instead of looking ahead at the gap between where you are and want to be. This could have been in a fortune cookie instead of a "book." If you need lots of examples of this basic concept, then the book's for you. If you think you've got it and it's nothing new, then the book's not for you.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would not have picked up this book on my own, but it came up in conversation with a friend I highly respect. I’m glad I spent time learning about a healthier mindset, specifically as it relates to parenting. I almost changed my rating after reading a couple of other reviews, but I decided to stick with my initial rating especially since I think I would re-listen to it. I enjoyed it as an audiobook.

[Mikki · Rating 1 out of 5]

The worst kind of self help. Prescribes toxic positivity and provided only privileged white male points of view. And I swear if I read the phrase “Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you” one more time I’ll literally scream.

Writing was terrible. Should have been a short TED talk at best, not a book. Super repetitive.

[Stephanie Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for work as it was chosen for a book study. Typically, these books are not my jam, but The Gap and the Gain really made me think about how and when I live in the gap. The author also recommended journaling 3 wins every day which has pushed me into the gain. In other words, I’m applying what I have learned so it was definitely worth the read.

[Meralia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like the concept, very useful. Really great. Definitely transformative for my life. The concept is worth buying and reading the book.

Besides the concept, I felt that the book was a bit short and I couldnt really identify with the author and its examples.

[Merideth · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sooo repetitive. Like the concept but feels like they thought of the idea and it could be like a pamphlet but they made it into a book. Doesn't really feel like any new info

[Meg Clancy ☀️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

everyone should be required to read this book. so stinkin good

[Jeremy Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorites of the bunch. I'll probably be re-reading this one in 2025.

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happiness and motivation come from looking at how far we’ve come, not how far we still have to go. When we focus on our progress instead of trying to be perfect, we feel more hopeful and less tired. It helps us feel more thankful, stay present, and remember that everyone’s journey is different. I don’t need to be perfect to feel proud, I just need to keep going.

[Yelena Dubovaya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was apprehensive to read this - admittedly because one of the top reviews here mentioned that it was long-winded and could have been a quick blog post instead.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

Each chapter was refreshing and necessary - and offered some helpful insight into goal setting as a practice as well as the mind shift needed to put "gap thinking" away and replace it with "gain thinking."

The example of the ice-skater putting pressure on himself instead of just skating to enjoy skating was mind-blowing, especially for someone in education. I wonder how often I instilled gap-thinking in my students or at least echoed their own gap thoughts. I still need some time to process how best to implement these practices in my professional life, but in my personal life it was extremely helpful.

I also loved the chapter about it being okay to want things just to want things - without feeling the need to rationalize your wants. Further, it's okay to want things that aren't going to save the world either.

I'm trying my hand at setting my three win intention every evening before bed and checking off the wins from the day prior as well.

A great read. Highly recommend if you're ready to admit that you live in the gap.

[Julie Forman · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I love this book and found it profoundly helpful; I found the chapter on trauma particularly lacking. I feel if he has spent more time here it wouldn’t have felt so harsh. Can we alter our views of traumatic events, sure. But is it easy? Is it even possible without the help of trained therapists? For some, yes. For many- I would wager not- I know it wasn’t possible for me.

And the tenor of the chapter was one of “just move on, just change the way you see it, you are in complete control of how this affects you.” And while that may be true for some traumas, it absolutely is not true (or even kind to say) for others.

Otherwise the book was powerful, spot on and a gold mine of encouraging, quotable one liners. Just approach the trauma chapter with caution if you’re in recovery.

[Suzanne Mosley (Suzanne Shares) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be one of those books that I look back on—for decades—and recount its impact on my life! Learning the difference in a Gap vs. Gain Mindset has been life-giving and freeing! It is already spilling over in significant ways in my life as a wife, mother, business owner and colleague. This book helped me see that I have spent the majority of my life living in the “gap” instead of the “gain.” Shifting to a gain mindset is already making a marked difference in my life. I double-dog-dare you to read this book! Actually, get the audiobook! I loved the “podcast” interviews between chapters that are included in the audiobook version.

[Deb Dredden · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars, no question for me. When a book changes how I think, THAT’S a great read. The big ‘aha’ here was that I had been living in the GAP, always looking for what’s next, future goals, etc. Nothing inherently wrong with that, except when it’s at the expense of celebrating and appreciating progress made. That’s a GAIN mentality, and creates a sense of peace and satisfaction for where one is in the present.

The GAIN mentality can live successfully with a growth-seeking one as well. That was the unlock for me. HUGE.