Your Friend and Mine

by Jessica Dettmann

A warm, witty and wise novel about second chances, friendship and romance for readers of Marian Keyes and Liane Moriarty.

'Dettmann at her hilarious and heartwarming best.' Tim Minchin

When Margot receives an email from her best friend it comes as a shock ... seeing as Tess died twenty years ago.

Margot is catapulted back to 2000, meeting the confident English backpacker visiting Sydney, where their intense friendship led to plans to travel back to Europe together. But then Margot fell in love with Johnny, and she never made it to London. Margot still feels guilty for letting Tess down.

Now Tess is providing Margot with the means to fly to London and have the trip they never got to do together. But there are stipulations to Tess's beyond-the-grave generosity—Margot must scatter her ashes and carry out 'tasks' in the company of Leo, Tess's stepbrother.

Margot can't help but compare the dreams and aspirations of the girl who partied with Tess to the bored, exhausted woman she has become. How could Tess have predicted that Margot would need a second chance to get on that plane?

'If you're looking to break a reading drought, this book is for you.' Australian Women's Weekly

'This is Dettmann's breakout book. No question. Your Friend and Mine is witty, insightful, and full of heart—a layered exploration of love, friendship, grief, and second chances. With her keen, often obscure and downright perfect observations on life, Dettmann delivers a novel that is as thought-provoking as it is joyous.' Sally Hepworth, author of Darling Girls

'Funny, tender and adventurous, this story had me alternating between laughter and tears throughout. Your Friend and Mine is a touching homage to love - between lovers and friends - and a beautiful exploration of the nuances of grief, all wrapped up in Jess' signature humour. I'm such a huge fan of Jess' books and this was my favourite of them all. I absolutely adored it.' - Ali Lowe, author of The Private Island

'Thoughtful, funny, touching, smart. Your Friend And Mine sparkles with Jess Dettmann's trademark wit, and charms with its sharp insights into friendship, long-term love and detoured dreams. An absolute pleasure.' - Holly Wainwright, author of He Would Never

'A joyful, wise and deeply moving story about friendship, desire and unmet needs that delivers delight on every page. Funny, authentic and profound, I absolutely loved it.' - Anna Downes, author of Red River Road

'A witty, relatable and huge-hearted novel about friendship, long-term love and the surprisingly difficult mid-life challenge of seeing your own life clearly. I absolutely loved it.' - Emily Maguire, author of Rapture

'A compelling and astutely observed tale of past regrets, complex love and friendships lost and found. Movingly and wittily told, it draws you in from its first sentence and keeps you guessing till the last. Dettmann is a storyteller at the top of her game which is a high bar indeed.

Genres: Audiobook, Fiction, Humor, Contemporary, Book Club, London, Travel

324 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2025

About the author

Jessica Dettmann is the author of two novels, a couple of short stories and many blog posts. She was born and raised in Sydney, Australia, and there she remains, disappointing her fourteen-year-old self who thought she would be living in the pensione in Florence from A Room With A View by now.

She is married and has two children and two cats. She does not enjoy walking on the beach with her dog because parking is very expensive at the beach and she does not have a dog.

Before she became a writer, she worked for a long time as a book editor. She is very lucky Instagram didn't exist back then or she would have been fired for timewasting. Now she is her own boss and she is on her last warning for timewasting on Instagram Stories.
​
She loves to hear from readers. Preferably readers of her books, but honestly she's not that fussy.

Reviews

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tess was a character who cared deeply about her 2 people dearly, so much so she wanted the best out of life for them and to get to know each other.

This was a reflective read in the way it might have you thinking, what if I had done things differently in my younger days where would I be today?

Jessica had me feeling lots of emotions. I laughed, smiled, cried and was disappointed.

AAh the ending Jessica. You got me! I thought I knew what was going to happen. My heart dropped. Well done.

[Craig and Phil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Big thanks to Allen & Unwin and Atlantic Books for sending us a copy to read and review.
Jessica Dettmann is a name synonymous with entertaining contemporary fiction.
Her latest book to hit the shelves, Your Friend Or Mine is a unique, heartwarming, delightful, engaging and emotional read.
Back in 2000 Margot and Tess meet and a sturdy friendship is born.
They plan a European vacation together but before they go, Margot falls in love and they drift apart.
The holiday abandoned and unexpectedly Tess dies.
Fast forward, decades later and Margot receives a strange email from Tess.
She inherits a few dollars and an arrangement.
The trip that was originally intended.
Margot must follow the steps and scatter her ashes.
Opening her eyes to her reality, Margot questions the woman she is now.
You know when you pick up a novel by this talented author you are going to get a solid story of friendship, all the feels, everyday life and of course a giggle.
A great premise, a wicked plot and Dettmann’s trademark humour throughout.
Strong characterisation, deep and meaningful and very animated.
A tale that will attract a wide audience.
A very memorable read.

[Kirsty Dummin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, heartfelt & unique. Dettmann is an auto-read for me as I love her writing style, her characterisations & the intrigue she brings to the plot.

Dettmann’s execution of bringing a long-dead character to life through letters from the grave was so well done. I could relate to the early 20s friendships, the long term marriage and the mixed feelings of hearing from someone after two decades, causing one to question everything.

A perfect holiday or get-out-of-a-reading-funk read.

[Martine Matapo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whoops forgot to update this as I read, but I ended up enjoying this way more than I expected! I was genuinely surprised by how much I reacted to the story like laughing, smiling, getting angry lol! The romance is definitely more of a subplot, but I really liked how the book explored the messiness of friendships and relationships. A solid 4-star read for me!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

🇦🇺✉️🛶🎭🖼️🌳🪦🧢💂🏻🇬🇧👩🏼‍🍳🪩

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

A hug of a book that gently invites you to reflect on where you are in life and what you want from it. Loved the links between Sydney and London, the restaurant backdrop and the brilliant writing and characters.

[Anna Loder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Your Friend and Mine. I am like Leo in my early 40s (47) I did not have a gap year, I have not yet been to England and I adore the idea of letters from the grave…I have also worked in hospitality for most of my adult life, something which would have confused my 17 year old self I’m sure. This is the perfect book for me. All the feels, all the empathy, friendship, insights, humour and wit…with the best snack plates!

[Carolyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A fun premise whereby Australian Margot receives a series of letters (via a solicitor) from her old friend Tess who died 20 years ago. She is summonsed to London to complete a series of tasks set for her by Tess who has cunningly predicted the status of her friend’s life at 40-something; she didn’t ever get to live out her living in London backpacking dream, instead she married Johnny and helped him achieve his restaurant dream. I was interested to see where the story went although I didn’t love how it ended. The judgemental commentary from Tess was a reminder of the righteousness and self indulgence of a 25 year old, Dettmann did well to contrast this with the realities of life in one’s 40s.

[Caitlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25 stars
ARC review

Margot and her husband Johnny run a successful restaurant in Sydney, when her life is turned upside down by a letter from a friend who died 20 years ago. Before passing Tess organised for a string of letters to be passed onto Margot as she lives out their holiday in London that never happened (P.S. I love you but platonic). Accompanying Margot on this journey is Leo, Tess’ stepbrother. ✈️

This book balances joy and grief in a heartwarming way. I loved sitting with Margot as she processes all the guilt and regret that Tess’ letter brings to the surface. Margot never visited Tess before she fell ill and passed, so Tess sends her on this journey to enjoy the plans they made together. I really liked Leo as a companion and I didn’t feel like any potential romantic connection overshadowed Margot’s emotional catharsis which was great! Margot is torn between embracing this opportunity for a do-over and the life she has put on pause, the author did a fantastic job of portraying the mental toll of motherhood even from the other side of the world.

Tess’ had many flaws, but the way she opens up to her oldest friend posthumously makes it obvious to the reader why they loved her anyway. There was one thing I didn’t like about this book - which unfortunately was CONSTANT - which was how Tess kept saying OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN in her letters ‘if you ended up with Johnny then…’ who was Margot’s new boyfriend when they knew each other. I understand Tess’ letters helped Margot process the issues in her marriage but it really bugged me because no normal person would mention it constantly if they didn’t know it for a fact?? Similarly almost every letter was reminding Margot that Tess didn’t like Johnny and WE GET IT. Other than that and the pacing being a little too quick, I really enjoyed this book!

No spoilers - but if you’ve read this I’d love to know your opinion on the ending because I have a feeling a lot of people wouldn’t like it but I did!! It was super realistic, especially for the age of the main characters. I definitely want to read more form Jessica Dettmann! 📚

[Lil · Rating 2 out of 5]

i’m obviously not the target audience for this but I could not stand the main character. i was also really disappointed in all the plot points just being resolved in the last few pages of the book. bummer as I think the concept had a lot of potential.

[Eliza · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5. An initially charming concept with some welcome geographic and cultural nostalgia. But it is all tediously drawn out and Tess and her irrelevant missives are extremely irritating. The ending redeems the remaining characters to a degree.

[Ashlea Fergusson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super wholesome read. The characters are likeable and I enjoyed the writing style.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5! Enjoyed it, easy read

[Hollie Conlan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful story & so well written- I loved it ❤️

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

It starts out with promise but ultimately falls flat. We have the story of two friends who meet for 6 months in their 20 in Sydney, one gets cancer and dies a few years later in the UK. The two girls were supposed to move to the UK together but one stays. She met a man and doesnt want to leave even though she’s like 23. The English friend is annoyed and thinks she’s making the wrong decision. We only know this because of letter’s she’s written and left for her two friends to read 20 years after she’s died.
Margot is the Aussie who now runs a restaurant with her husband. Her life and marriage are in a run. She gets an email from a lawyer in England and he mails her a letter. The letter is from Tess, the Brit who died. Tess wrote 10 letters to Margot as she was dying and asked a lawyer to get them to her on the 20th anniversary of her death. Why? Honestly unknown. The 10 letters are 10 “challenges” that Margot is to do w Tess’s former step brother Leo. In the end we find out that’s because Tess thinks Margot and Leo should be together.
Where I really got put off by this story is when Margot, who is in her mid-40s, gets upset that letters written by an early 20s girl judge her life. First of all if you think something said is judging your life, you’re probably sensitive about the thing, which we know Margot is. Now why is this woman getting offended at something a 20 year old said about her? Honestly was hard to understand, specially since they were really friends for 6 months before Tess went back to the UK and Margot didn’t follow as planned. Don’t you think Tess is a bjt sad she has *cervical cancer* at 24 and is going to die and her friend doesn’t even come visit? Strange. It’s all strange. In the end Margot goes home and stays with her husband. Who she thinks has been cheating on her and kicked off an “open marriage” … an arrangement they get into without ever speaking so they both are just having sex with other people without ever talking about it but it’s bold enough their teenage son knows about it? Turns out the husband never cheated first so when she assumed that and got her lick back she was doing the cheating first. Margot is a very immature main character it’s depressing.

[Jemma · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is not in a genre that I usually read, so definitely something different for me. I wasn’t particularly hooked from the start, and I think that since I am not in the age group of the characters, it loses the relatability it could have had. Overall, I think that I was not quite the correct target audience for this book, so it wasn’t quite the right book for me.

[Ellen (the_plentiful_library) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Margot receives an email from her best friend Tess which isn't unusual except that Tess died 20 years ago. Sent through a lawyer, Tess beckons Margot to London (a trip she should have taken over 20 years ago) and there she finds nine letters Tess had written before she died. Paired up with Tess' step brother Leo they read the letters and carry out Tess' final wishes.

I wanted to love this story before I'd even read it. Reading the blurb gave me P.S I Love You vibes and I was so keen. While I loved the premise the actual story fell a little flat for me. I had a few chuckles throughout but ultimately I didn't feel the connection between any of the characters so couldn't get invested in their stories. I was hoping the story would be either really humorous or deeply emotional and while it dipped its toe into both categories it all felt a little bland to me. Perhaps my preconceived notions of how I thought the story would go hindered my ability to enjoy the story that was actually there.

Books can't be for everyone and that's okay! I think if you've visited London and want to reminisce about your trip or you love food references then you'll enjoy this one!

[Jessica (bibliobliss.au) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A surprising and sweet read. And when I say surprising, I mean it. This could have been a very straightforward plot, but Jessica takes these characters in a direction I didn’t expect and even their actions left me surprised (one scene in particular - IYKYK! 😱☕️)

This is part P.S I LOVE YOU, part SOMEONE ELSE’S BUCKET LIST and it’s done in such a clever way. If you’ve ever spent time in London, I think you’d especially enjoy the adventures that unfold in this book.

There was a lot of sadness in this book, especially around the path life can take you and how that can mean the loss of friendships and plans that never become reality. It was all handled very thoughtfully and with a good dose of humour and lighthearted moments too.

Fans of Aussie fiction with heart will absolutely delight in this novel!

I received a gifted copy of this book from the publisher.

[Natasha Seymour · Rating 5 out of 5]

A breath of fresh air this book was. Completely unexpected. I have so many favourite things but firstly what an achievement for the author to write a completely insane story and make it so utterly believable. The characters were nuanced and flawed and realistic.

My take away for a key theme was people, friends, partners are complicated and their opinions or thoughts on themselves or on you aren’t facts. That you can take away what you want and what means something from what they share. And that you can love someone despite their less attractive or well meaning characteristics.

I enjoyed this thoroughly and would highly recommend.

[Elizabeth R · Rating 3 out of 5]

A unique and interesting story about life, love and friendship told from the eyes of two very different life experiences. Through a series of letters sent from beyond the grave Tess forever in her 20s sends her friend Margret now in her 40s on a quest of adventures in London. The letters are filled with fascinating points of view of life by a 20 year old and equally fascinating reaction from a 40 year old. The time and generational differences in this story demonstrates how two people can see and understand life very differently.


3.5 stars

[sher · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.3! a poignant story about friendship, grief, and getting stuck in your old ways

i loved this story and gobbled it up in a matter of hours. the letters were warm and introspective and i loved how in a way she had nailed both margot and leo.

i think the ending has to be my favourite though because it twisted the tale on its head and i wasn't expecting it to veer this way either, showing how despite it all tess didn't know everything(and thats okay!)

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really sweet tale of friendship, life, disappointments and triumphs. Easy to read and addictive- the pages turn themselves!

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*

[Bridget Bell · Rating 4 out of 5]

it is so funny how I will believe every single word a woman says and continuing living that truth even when it’s disproven by a man.

[Lilly Shearman · Rating 2 out of 5]

I mean, it wasn’t terrible. I think I would have thoroughly enjoyed if it was about 200 pages shorter??? So. Many. Superfluous. Details. And the pace, much too slow for me. 2/5 stars. Eek.

[Bec · Rating 4 out of 5]

engaging but not the ending I hoped for ):

[Kristyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25

[Lee at ReadWriteWish · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 out of 5. Review to come

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

kept me hooked and made me want to go back to London, and also write some letters. enjoyed the protagonist’s son being a swiftie.

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this one!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really great story!